GWS General Chat: Damn I feel like a boss when I have one in each hand.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > GWS General Chat: Damn I feel like a boss when I have one in each hand.

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Randomity: Feb 25, 2007; Careful what you wish,
You may regret it!

Ahahahha casu holy poo poo!

# ? Dec 27, 2012 15:00

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 12:19

Mr. Wiggles: Dec 1, 2003; We are all drinking from the highball glass of ideology.

Send back a letter saying they're right, you guys have been doing this all wrong. But instead of el paso you've both decided to move out to the Black Bear Ranch.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 15:38

Fluffy Bunnies: Jan 10, 2009

Give up, move to El Paso, eat the :smithicide:

wonderful food here.

E: Alternatively tell them you're doing one better and moving to Juarez and they can visit!

# ? Dec 27, 2012 15:42

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Casu Marzu posted:

So. The gf's parents sent her a box. Because Christmas Eve and Day were so hectic, it got set to the side.

Today we decide that we should probably open it.

I personally was expecting something as as this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRJcxMe1zWY

Thankfully, no head. But that's not to say it's not just as worthy.

In the box was two new bibles, a one way ticket back down to El Paso for this coming Monday, and a long rambling, hand written letter saying that they would forgive her for all these "transgressions" if she took the flight back home and came back to their nest.

Wow, people are soooo ugly this time of year. I'd suggest that you do the following:
Return or sell the ticket for cash;
Use the cash to make a lovely dinner complete with lots of alcohol;
Lavishly photograph the prep, cooking and eating;;
Send the photographs to them along with two Korans and a long rambling, hand written letter saying that you two will forgive them for all their "transgressions" if they stay the hell away from your home.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 16:27

Clavietika: Dec 18, 2005

If you could afford a return ticket, it'd be badass for you to fly down there in your wife's place to give them a lovely surprise at the airport.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 17:10

Wroughtirony: May 14, 2007

Wow. Casu's got me beat on the family drama.

My mother in law behaved like a spoiled twelve-year-old the whole time we were there, culminating in a shouting match with my father in law which ended with her screaming "IT'S A loving CHEESE PLATE! A CHEESE PLATE!" and storming off.

The woman is impossibly self-centered and dependent, and I always end up having to babysit/wait on her while my husband and father in law go do fun things and have grownup conversations. It's times like this when I really wish Mr W. and I weren't both only children.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 17:32

Happy Hat: Aug 11, 2008; He just wants someone to shake his corks, is that too much to ask??

Wroughtirony posted:

Wow. Casu's got me beat on the family drama.

My mother in law behaved like a spoiled twelve-year-old the whole time we were there, culminating in a shouting match with my father in law which ended with her screaming "IT'S A loving CHEESE PLATE! A CHEESE PLATE!" and storming off.

The woman is impossibly self-centered and dependent, and I always end up having to babysit/wait on her while my husband and father in law go do fun things and have grownup conversations. It's times like this when I really wish Mr W. and I weren't both only children.

Thanksgiving didn't deliver this year - luckily there's christmas!

Also - cheese should make you happy, not give you feelings of animosity towards your spouse. That is pretty much anti-cheese behaviour!

I am assuming that there was some sort of cheese involved, and it was not a pure discussion on the different merits of plates and china.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 17:39

Pester: Apr 22, 2008; Avatar Fairy? or Fairy Avatar?

My boyfriend isn't christian enough for my parent's tastes, but they still go out of their way to be nice to him. He even got a nicer present then I did. It's almost like they come from a religion of love and forgiveness or something.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 18:25

Casu Marzu: Oct 20, 2008

She ended up just tossing everything in the fireplace.

In regards to the two bibles, I'm guessing it is a backup, since they don't even acknowledge my existence beyond me being an example as to why she is being sinful. I doubt they would try to "save" me.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 19:20

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

Casu Marzu posted:

She ended up just tossing everything in the fireplace.

In regards to the two bibles, I'm guessing it is a backup, since they don't even acknowledge my existence beyond me being an example as to why she is being sinful. I doubt they would try to "save" me.

Yeah, I think you're pretty much beyond redemption. It probably sucks for you and your GF/wife but it's hilarious to read about.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 19:26

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA: May 29, 2008

I found a ton of collection of old church recipebooks and some of these things are weird.

quote:

RECIPE, PATENTED.
For cooking beefsteak in the woods.

By Bishop William A. Quayle.

Buy a beefsteak, paying for it, if that inconvenience be found necessary. Go valiantly to some piece of woods shut off from human observation. Build a fire, using last year's leaves for kindling and balsam-breathed broken branches
for fuel. Take time. Have no haste. Loaf, and invite your soul while the fire gets agoing. Have no skillet. A skillet will destroy the cooking. Have no dishes, they will destroy the eating. Be calm. No neurotic can do the busi-ness. It requires great calmness and poise in a transaction with beefsteak in the woods. Cook on a stick, taking plen- ty of time. Drop the steak in the ashes a few times � how
many times depends on the taste of the COOKEE. When cooked, eat with vast deliberation, using fingers only, as forks are a disparagement. When eaten, stop. Say grace before, during and after.

quote:

BROOK TROUT A LA NATURE.

Being noted for going away and staying until my friends wonder � and as man's greatest enjoyment is in eating what he likes best when served under congenial conditions and surroundings � my favorite recipe is fried brook trout.
First catch the speckled beauties if you can. If they are easily attracted by one's flies, then be choice as to size and condition, if wary, take what you can get. As soon after they are out of the water as would be humane, re- move the parts you do not care to consume, and otherwise prepare for cooking. Then take the spider and in it place a number of strips of "bacon what is bacon" and remove when nice and crisp. In order to get bacon in this crisp condition it is necessary to start a fire with the ever handy birch bark and dry wood. This is generally easily done,
way up in nature's playground, in the beautiful Lauren- tides of the Province of Quebec. After the bacon is crisp, remove it and in the bacon grease in the spider, place the trout, fry and turn and turn and fry, until thoroughly done. Then from the larder select such other delicacies as will grace a meal for a king, and go at it with both hands, one is not enough for the delicate appetite which air, exercise and surroundings give to the man turned Indian.

William A. Vawter.

I discovered the proto meatship goon!

# ? Dec 27, 2012 19:56

Wroughtirony: May 14, 2007

Happy Hat posted:

Thanksgiving didn't deliver this year - luckily there's christmas!

Also - cheese should make you happy, not give you feelings of animosity towards your spouse. That is pretty much anti-cheese behaviour!

I am assuming that there was some sort of cheese involved, and it was not a pure discussion on the different merits of plates and china.

Oh yes. There was cheese. Mother in law (heretofore referred to as "MIL") had purchased some cheeses. She mentioned at some point that she was thingking of making a cheese plate at an unspecified time in the future. Christmas evening, I, along with my husband and FIL made ham sandwiches. FIL selected a fine cheese for sandwich-related purposes. MIL witnessed the removal of said cheese from refrigerator. She interpreted the act to signify that FIL knew of the cheese's intended purpose and was taking the initiative to use that and other fine cheeses to create and present a cheese plate. When she saw that not only hadn't a cheese plate been assembled but that FIL had used her fine cheese for his ham sandwich, she expressed her shock and horror that he could be so loving insensitive and cruel. She then interrupted his explanations and apologies by loudly and passionately informing him that he never, ever listens to her.

Unfortunately (for me,) their house is booze-free.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 20:17

Casu Marzu: Oct 20, 2008

Wroughtirony posted:

Unfortunately (for me,) their house is booze-free.

My condolences.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 20:19

Happy Hat: Aug 11, 2008; He just wants someone to shake his corks, is that too much to ask??

Wroughtirony posted:

She then interrupted his explanations and apologies by loudly and passionately informing him that he never, ever listens to her.

The correct action here being that she should have with-held sex, or have forced herself upon him, chosing whichever would have made him uneasy and perplexed him the most of the two.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 20:49

FluxFaun: Apr 7, 2010

Oh god, cheese. Cheese is an instigator to many fights during Christmas time at my home. Grandmother (GM) and Mean Aunt (MA) were told again and again and again not to touch the cheeses in the fridge, because I needed them to make various things for dinner. Well, both GM and MA were both still pissed that I didn't want to make the same lovely ham, taters and green jello monstrosity that we've had every year since the beginning of time, so they decided that by god they were gonna show me.

The way they did this was to eat all of the creamcheese. Whole. Like a banana. :psyduck:

Luckily, all my cheese that I needed for dinner was still fine, so we ended up having what I was going to cook to begin with and they sat there gagging on cream cheese and angry that there was no ham, just steak. I don't even know.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 22:22

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA: May 29, 2008

NerdyNautilusGirl posted:

The way they did this was to eat all of the creamcheese. Whole. Like a banana.

Luckily, all my cheese that I needed for dinner was still fine, so we ended up having what I was going to cook to begin with and they sat there gagging on cream cheese and angry that there was no ham, just steak. I don't even know.

Time to make them pay by making "that appetizer you like so much" every year from now on of half a pound of cream cheese on a stick.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 22:33

Eat This Glob: Jan 14, 2008; God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

Time to make them pay by making "that appetizer you like so much" every year from now on of half a pound of cream cheese on a stick.

That and yelling "IT'S A loving CHEESE PLATE! A CHEESE PLATE!" upon presentation would make for some wonderful holiday memories.

# ? Dec 27, 2012 23:56

NosmoKing: Nov 12, 2004; I have a rifle and a frying pan and I know how to use them

Today, I received a gigantic high efficiency washer and dryer, lounge chair/fainting chair/psychiatrists couch, and a Gym sized treadmill.

The kids playroom is currently the largest box fort compoundI have ever seen in my life!

# ? Dec 28, 2012 00:12

Happy Hat: Aug 11, 2008; He just wants someone to shake his corks, is that too much to ask??

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

Time to make them pay by making "that appetizer you like so much" every year from now on of half a pound of cream cheese on a stick.

Shape it like a dick, and roll it in chocolate springles for added comedic value

# ? Dec 28, 2012 00:15

Flash Gordon Ramsay: Sep 28, 2004; Grimey Drawer

I had a great Christmas, I have an awesome family, and you guys don't completely suck. Life's good.

Happy New Year everyone!

# ? Dec 28, 2012 00:21

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

Time to make them pay by making "that appetizer you like so much" every year from now on of half a pound of cream cheese on a stick.

That is hilarious.

Your recipes are weird. There was really a Bishop William Quayle so they are probably legit.

# ? Dec 28, 2012 00:44

Wroughtirony: May 14, 2007

Eat This Glob posted:

That and yelling "IT'S A loving CHEESE PLATE! A CHEESE PLATE!" upon presentation would make for some wonderful holiday memories.

That's the best idea ever.

# ? Dec 28, 2012 00:48

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

Wroughtirony posted:

That's the best idea ever.

I think I'll do that at my next dinner party.

# ? Dec 28, 2012 00:50

FluxFaun: Apr 7, 2010

Happy Hat posted:

Shape it like a dick, and roll it in chocolate springles for added comedic value

... they leave tomorrow, I still have time. Maybe they won't come stay next year if I do that.

# ? Dec 28, 2012 01:26

Mercedes Colomar: Nov 1, 2008; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Happy Hat posted:

Shape it like a dick, and roll it in chocolate springles for added comedic value

This is why you're the best Hat :allears:

# ? Dec 28, 2012 03:51

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

My family showed up, we had turkey, sausage stuffing, fried apples, cranberry jello-in-a-can, orange sweet potatoes, and pumpkin pie. It was a good time and no one lost their poo poo at anyone. Now I prepare to drive myself to Minneapolis for a NYE party and then aggressively hunt for a job so I don't have to come home. So if anyone has a lead on a job in Minneapolis, shoot me a line.

# ? Dec 28, 2012 04:14

Chef De Cuisinart: Oct 31, 2010; Brandy does in fact, in my experience, contribute to Getting Down.

Holidays suck, I always work on them, my wife is always off, never see family, and I only get 8 hours holiday pay, despite working 12+ for the day. So I get 8 hours reg pay, 4 hours overtime, and 8 hours "overtime" for holiday pay. I need a goddamn vacation.

e: But I am totally happy for you goons that got some family time. I've got NY off with the wife, and parents/bro in town for my birthday in April. So its not all bad, but gently caress holiday season, seriously.

Chef De Cuisinart fucked around with this message at 04:37 on Dec 28, 2012

# ? Dec 28, 2012 04:31

Drink and Fight: Feb 2, 2003

NerdyNautilusGirl posted:

... they leave tomorrow, I still have time. Maybe they won't come stay next year if I do that.

I remember your E/N. Maybe it's for the best.

# ? Dec 28, 2012 07:26

Casu Marzu: Oct 20, 2008

Does anyone else here like salt licorice? I found a bag of it from when my friend sent me a care package a while back, and I forgot how much I love this stuff.

# ? Dec 28, 2012 08:08

Hauki: May 11, 2010

Casu Marzu posted:

Does anyone else here like salt licorice? I found a bag of it from when my friend sent me a care package a while back, and I forgot how much I love this stuff.

Salmiakki?

# ? Dec 28, 2012 09:11

Casu Marzu: Oct 20, 2008

Hauki posted:

Salmiakki?

yeah, that's the stuff

# ? Dec 28, 2012 09:34

Wahad: May 19, 2011; There is no escape.

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

I found a ton of collection of old church recipebooks and some of these things are weird.

I discovered the proto meatship goon!

I dunno, I quite like the expression "eat with vast deliberation".

# ? Dec 28, 2012 10:09

dino.: Mar 28, 2010; Yip Yip, bitch.

NerdyNautilusGirl posted:

Oh god, cheese. Cheese is an instigator to many fights during Christmas time at my home. Grandmother (GM) and Mean Aunt (MA) were told again and again and again not to touch the cheeses in the fridge, because I needed them to make various things for dinner. Well, both GM and MA were both still pissed that I didn't want to make the same lovely ham, taters and green jello monstrosity that we've had every year since the beginning of time, so they decided that by god they were gonna show me.

The way they did this was to eat all of the creamcheese. Whole. Like a banana.

Luckily, all my cheese that I needed for dinner was still fine, so we ended up having what I was going to cook to begin with and they sat there gagging on cream cheese and angry that there was no ham, just steak. I don't even know.

In my brain, I picture two obese, angry women eating cream cheese with rage filled tears, and screaming about needing the hams. It's like a ragefuck, but with packages of cheese.

# ? Dec 28, 2012 11:12

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

dino. posted:

In my brain, I picture two obese, angry women eating cream cheese with rage filled tears, and screaming about needing the hams. It's like a ragefuck, but with packages of cheese.

What the hell are you doing up at 5am?

I like the sound of that recipe, although it isn't vegan: "Cream Cheese with Rage-Filled Tears"

# ? Dec 28, 2012 11:14

dino.: Mar 28, 2010; Yip Yip, bitch.

therattle posted:

What the hell are you doing up at 5am?

I like the sound of that recipe, although it isn't vegan: "Cream Cheese with Rage-Filled Tears"

Got to bed at 9 pm. Sleepy again. Wtf ricola.

quote:

�Tomato Soup.

One quart of cooked tomatoes, one small pint of water or stock cooked together and put through a sieve. When boiling hot add a pinch of soda, and when foaming add about a quart of milk. Mix a piece of butter the size of an egg with a tablespoon of flour, and add to the soup salt and pepper to taste and serve hot. Mrs. Charles E. Barr.�

Excerpt From: Albion, Mich. First Methodist Episcopal church. Ladies' aid society. [from old catalog]. �A collection of tested recipes.� Albion, Mich., Albion recorder book and job print, 1890. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.

# ? Dec 28, 2012 11:30

Happy Hat: Aug 11, 2008; He just wants someone to shake his corks, is that too much to ask??

Casu Marzu posted:

Does anyone else here like salt licorice? I found a bag of it from when my friend sent me a care package a while back, and I forgot how much I love this stuff.

Come to Denmark...

# ? Dec 28, 2012 12:56