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Oh my god.  Bo Obama Receives Visiting Dognitaries From Furuguay
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Jan 30, 2013 22:47
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I can't stop laughing at the first paragraphquote:WOOFINGTON, D.C.— Aiming to strengthen yiplomatic relations with the nation of Furuguay, Bo Obama welcomed a visiting doglegation from the overseas country to the White House Thursday for talks on a wide range of vital rufforms.
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Jan 30, 2013 23:10
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Psychiatrists Warn Nation's Used Car Salesman Going Insane, Practically Giving Cars Away The attached video didn't really do it for me but the headline is a work of genius.
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Jan 30, 2013 23:11
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This is on the first page but I have to say that of all the Onion's articles this alone made me cry from laughing too hard
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Jan 30, 2013 23:31
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Holy God the puns just keep coming, my cheeks hurt from the huge grin on my face. quote:After brief prepared rebarks, Bo and the Furuguayan diplomutts reportedly retired to the South Lawn for a private discussion of minimum wag laws and a pending flea trade agreement. 
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Jan 31, 2013 01:08
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Lost it at "acts of terrierism" That was a great change of pace from The Onion's usual dark humor
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Jan 31, 2013 02:47
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Screwball Jim Nabors Goofs Up Again By Marrying Man Pyle!
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Jan 31, 2013 20:49
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In between bouts of contemplating moving to one of the uninhabited islands off the coast of Alaska until ads for "Identity Thief" stop being shown, I thought of this Onion article: Vindictive Movie Studio Threatens To Make 'Coyote Ugly' Sequel
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Jan 31, 2013 21:23
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Zugzwang posted:In between bouts of contemplating moving to one of the uninhabited islands off the coast of Alaska until ads for "Identity Thief" stop being shown, I thought of this Onion article: Vindictive Movie Studio Threatens To Make 'Coyote Ugly' Sequel It reminds me of this recent one: Nation's Movie Theaters Bracing For 'Hansel And Gretel' Being Perhaps The Biggest Hit Of All Time
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Jan 31, 2013 21:32
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God Freaks Self Out By Lying Awake Contemplating Own Immortality
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Jan 31, 2013 21:41
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Brother Jonathan posted:It reminds me of this recent one: Nation's Movie Theaters Bracing For 'Hansel And Gretel' Being Perhaps The Biggest Hit Of All Time I was going to post this one. quote:“Folks, I don’t want to be a pain here, but in mere hours we’re going to have hundreds—if not thousands—of screaming Hansel and Gretel fans lined up outside trying to see this film, and if we don’t have a body at every door then these people will, I poo poo you not, burst into the projection room and steal the movie itself right off the projector.” Jesus loving christ 
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Feb 1, 2013 03:38
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The Onion Freely And Happily Gives Its Employees' Passwords To Chinaquote:Here are 10 more names and passwords of Onion employees:
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Feb 1, 2013 04:46
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Minnesota Lynx World's Richest NBA Team With Value of $4
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Feb 1, 2013 11:57
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American Voices: Gabby Giffords Tells Congress To Act On Gun Control
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Feb 1, 2013 19:10
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Editorial: I'm Going To Make A Great Mom Someday by Casey Anthony
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Feb 1, 2013 19:29
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Oh, they actually went outside and talked to real people this time, instead of just firing off a few satirical blurbs real quick. Shame. I guess the writers were feeling lazy. Glad they still used the fake pictures, though. Privacy is important.
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Feb 1, 2013 19:33
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Finally, a quote that uses the picture to the fullest. 
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Feb 1, 2013 21:15
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/colin-kaepernick,31116/quote:Strength: Lack of NFL experience still allows him capacity to move, use brain; Tattoos of realistic muscle definition make arms look huge; Uncanny ability to take advantage of someone being injured and steal their career  I love The Onion so much
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Feb 2, 2013 00:21
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This one is just great: AR-15 Assault Rifle Beginning To Worry It May Never Get To Kill Innocent Person
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Feb 2, 2013 01:57
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Probably posted before, but the Dognitaries ones reminded me of my favourite pun artice: Bro, You're A God Among Bros and my favourite line from it:quote:You are the king of all bros. Brotankhamen. You are the Ayatollah Bromeini. You are Broseidon, lord of the brocean.
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Feb 2, 2013 03:37
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Speaking of awful puns, here's a report from their IFC show on medical marijuana: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLlhQmDLazs
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Feb 2, 2013 06:28
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The best bit from the dog one was when they
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Feb 2, 2013 07:47
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Brother Jonathan posted:Speaking of awful puns, here's a report from their IFC show on medical marijuana:
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Feb 2, 2013 07:50
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Reading about the mistaken release of convicted murderer Steven Robbins reminded me that Tom Gobbler is still on the loose.
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Feb 3, 2013 23:33
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Winner Didn't Even Know It Was Pie-Eating Contest
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Feb 4, 2013 00:52
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Superdome lights return as all 53 49ers are lying motionless on ground. Whereabouts of Ray Lewis unknown. Something to lighten the mood for this despairing 49ers fan!
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Feb 4, 2013 03:18
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Small little "Diamond Joe" jokes tucked into an infographic: -12:00 a.m.–11:59 p.m.: Secret Service freaking out -8:42 a.m.: First of many decisions by an onlooker to just go, right here, rather than lose his spot -9:58 a.m.: Half-shaved Obama tears down White House stairs after having slept through alarm -10:21 a.m.: Mitt Romney lets out a momentary sigh in between pulling up his first and second pant leg -11:15 a.m.: Vice President Biden sworn in on 1991 Playboy featuring the Barbi Twins -12:30 p.m.: Tank filled to brim with stew is rolled out for all in attendance -1:30 p.m.: Presidential dog, Bo, barks national anthem -2:11 p.m.: Obama jumps on trampoline, dunks Bible through hoop with red, white, and blue net -5:18 p.m.: Vice President Biden’s blackout begins http://www.theonion.com/articles/highlights-of-president-obamas-inauguration,30972/
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Feb 4, 2013 20:23
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8 RIDICULOUSLY HOT Photos Of Beyonce At The Super Bowl
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Feb 4, 2013 21:12
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This is fantastic. quote:This is happening because you are making it happen. Understand?
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Feb 4, 2013 23:38
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Yeah, these slideshows are really amazing.
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Feb 4, 2013 23:43
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Oh my loving God. For those who don't know, yes, that actually happened.
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Feb 5, 2013 00:14
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This is basically perfect in every single way.
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Feb 5, 2013 00:53
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I've always REALLY hated eating contests. 
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Feb 5, 2013 11:42
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5-Year-Old Alabama Boy Misses Fun 'Bunker Grandpa' I don't think the phrase "too soon" exists at the Onion, and I'm thankful for it.
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Feb 5, 2013 19:39
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Look, I'm Just Going To Say It: I Collect Antique Nazi Memorabilia By Barack Obama, President Of The United States
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Feb 5, 2013 21:09
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Amused to Death posted:Look, I'm Just Going To Say It: I Collect Antique Nazi Memorabilia This one is awesome if only because while the right loves to compare Obama to the Hitler/The Nazi's over gun control, every gun show I've ever been too, there is always a shitload of Nazi antiques/memorabilia around and for sale. It's definitely  Also things like this, http://gawker.com/5659792/meet-the-tea-party-candidate-who-plays-nazi-on-weekends
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Feb 5, 2013 21:16
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AFewBricksShy posted:5-Year-Old Alabama Boy Misses Fun 'Bunker Grandpa'
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Feb 5, 2013 21:30
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I love this new Sunday magazine piece: This will always be my favorite though: 
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Feb 6, 2013 05:11
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I don't think anything will ever beat this one though:
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Feb 6, 2013 05:31
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The amount of annoying Ray Lewis hype surrounding the Super Bowl made me appreciate this one. Ray Lewis Crying Over Embarrassing Spectacle He's Become
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Feb 6, 2013 06:14
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