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I mean, did he not murder a human being?
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Mar 8, 2013 21:12
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Being Pope Was Great, But You Can't Play Make-Believe Forever By Benedict XVI
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Mar 8, 2013 21:18
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Riiight on the edge of smugtheism, but I liked it anyway. http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-social-media-startup-launches-shuts-down-withi,31557/ seems accurate.
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Mar 8, 2013 21:52
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SpiderHyphenMan posted:
Not really the smiley I'd use.
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Mar 9, 2013 00:57
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That last line is so 
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Dr_Amazing posted:Not really the smiley I'd use.
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Mar 9, 2013 01:28
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White House Officials Confirm Malia Obama Now Seven Feet, Nine Inches Tall The thought of a president with a giant daughter making a public statement about her gigantism fills me with glee.
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Mar 9, 2013 07:40
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William Bear posted:White House Officials Confirm Malia Obama Now Seven Feet, Nine Inches Tall And that "little" dude behind Michelle makes it even better. I guess he isn't even shopped, that's just the curve of the ground.
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Mar 9, 2013 07:54
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Carthag posted:And that "little" dude behind Michelle makes it even better. I guess he isn't even shopped, that's just the curve of the ground. E: never mind, I'm an idiot and read that as Malia.
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Mar 9, 2013 08:38
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Jogger Horrified By Discovery Of Own Gruesome Body
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Mar 9, 2013 16:52
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-angerpowered-cars-may-revolutionize-the-way-we,1118/ I've never been able to make it through this one without laughing so hard my stomach hurts.
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Mar 9, 2013 20:09
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A simple headline: Date Will Also Have The 10-Pound Burger Challenge
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Mar 9, 2013 22:16
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cobalt2009 posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-angerpowered-cars-may-revolutionize-the-way-we,1118/ I love the opening clause: quote:With gas prices approaching $2 per gallon in some areas...
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Mar 9, 2013 22:31
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cobalt2009 posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-angerpowered-cars-may-revolutionize-the-way-we,1118/ I got to "Lincoln Frown Car" and lost it.
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Mar 9, 2013 23:13
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cobalt2009 posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-angerpowered-cars-may-revolutionize-the-way-we,1118/ The thing that jump out most at me here is that the Chevrolet Tantrum looks amazing and I want it. That's a photoshopped version of an actual car, right?
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Mar 10, 2013 00:03
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cobalt2009 posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-angerpowered-cars-may-revolutionize-the-way-we,1118/ Another of my favorites: FCC: All Programming To Be Broadcast In ADHDTV By 2007.
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Mar 10, 2013 01:06
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CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years
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Mar 10, 2013 01:10
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Area Cherokee In Violation Of Indian Removal Act Of 1830
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Mar 10, 2013 01:21
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Second-Graders Wow Audience With School Production Of Equus
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Mar 10, 2013 01:33
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I was expecting someone else to post ‘You’re My Best Friend,’ Says Obama To Drone That Appears Outside Bedroom Window Every Night by now.
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Mar 10, 2013 06:24
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New Study Find the Onion Has Never Been More Popular, Loved It's only funny if you had a thousand people reposting whines about their Oscar tweets.
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Mar 10, 2013 22:22
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cobalt2009 posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-angerpowered-cars-may-revolutionize-the-way-we,1118/ quote:Cameron, who is currently serving a seven-year prison sentence for vehicular manslaughter and high-efficiency battery, I love this line so, so much 
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Mar 11, 2013 01:00
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duralict posted:New Study Find the Onion Has Never Been More Popular, Loved Already posted, but it came up in Literally Unbelievable when the AV Club news editor posted it: 
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Mar 11, 2013 10:13
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Singing Dancing Boy Upset
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Mar 11, 2013 22:28
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My favorite American Voices of all time: Feces Transplants Help Cure Diarrhea Also, awhile back we were talking about the people they use in the fake pictures... Is this Eric Wareheim?
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Mar 11, 2013 23:38
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I liked this one. It was funny and cute without any of the typical "Beiber hate".
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Mar 11, 2013 23:40
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cobalt2009 posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-angerpowered-cars-may-revolutionize-the-way-we,1118/ I can't believe I've never seen this one. I lost it at - The Onion posted:"This bitch's bastard's whore went like a goddamn raped ape with me at the wheel," said Car And Driver's Brock Yates, who test-drove Daimler-Chrysler's Dodge Rammit pickup. "The vitriolic-assist brakes barely worked, the rear-view mirror found my bald spot every time, and the voice-response OnStar system mocked me for writing the script for Cannonball Run. I was getting 107 miles to the gallon when I T-boned that bus."
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Mar 12, 2013 00:04
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This is literally the greatest article I have ever read in my whole life.
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Mar 12, 2013 01:02
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SlenderWhore posted:This is literally the greatest article I have ever read in my whole life. In just over a decade we went from The Onion predicting the real-world news to real news being indistinguishable from The Onion. 
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Mar 12, 2013 01:10
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‘It’s Like Biggie And Tupac All Over Again,’ Says Dumbass Of Korean Conflict
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Mar 12, 2013 04:56
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LASER BEAM DREAM posted:I liked this one. It was funny and cute without any of the typical "Beiber hate".
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Mar 12, 2013 16:42
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I hate to cause a fuss or derail or anything, but I'm just curious, is there any way around the pay wall? besides the obvious.
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Mar 12, 2013 17:15
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-got-what-america-needs-right-here,11356/?ref=auto I Got What America Needs Right Here - By Former President Jimmy Carter
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Mar 12, 2013 17:33
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SpiderHyphenMan posted:Your Obsessive Love Or Hatred Of Me Means Nothing In The Grand Scheme Of Geological Time by Justin Bieber 450-Pound Man Didn't Go To Doctor For A Lecture
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Mar 12, 2013 17:42
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Women Are Way Out Of My League I've Got A Lot Of Love To Barter In A Few Years, We'll All Laugh About This lovely New Health Insurance Plan Act Now To Take Advantage Of My Lowered Standards ultrafilter has a new favorite as of 18:00 on Mar 12, 2013 |
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Mar 12, 2013 17:58
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I'm a big fan of the Ask a... advice series. My favorites Ask a Gutshot Policeman Ask An Elderly Black Woman As Depicted By A Sophomore Creative Writing Major Ask the Dauphin
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Mar 12, 2013 18:02
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The House Of B Must Continue By Smoove B, Love Man quote:I've considered taking my nephew under my wing and fashioning him an all-white suit made of the finest silks, taking him to my personal stylist, Ed, and beginning to teach him the ways of Smoove, but even at the age of 8, I can tell the boy has no game.
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Mar 12, 2013 18:54
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James Holmes’ Arraignment Delayed As Court Struggles To Remember Which Mass Shooter He Is The deadpan delivery seals it.
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Mar 12, 2013 19:09
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James Holmes’ Arraignment Delayed As Court Struggles To Remember Which Mass Shooter He Is Edit: ARGH 
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Mar 12, 2013 19:09
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I also can't believe that I thought they got the number of victims of Sandy Hook wrong before I remembered I had forgot to count the shooter and his mother. 
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Mar 12, 2013 19:13
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On a lighter note: If I Could Have Any Superpower, It'd Definitely Be Invisibility by Superman quote:Can you imagine what it's like to fly over a crowd of people and not have a single one of them look up and point at you? What could be more amazing than that?
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Mar 12, 2013 21:10
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