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CLARE HUNGRY.
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 02:44 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 04:31 |
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Now wait just a goddamn minute. Namco should sue.
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 03:58 |
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quote:I hope you weren’t planning to fall asleep tonight. JosephWongKS posted:Is there a name for this style of writing, where you describe each individual step of the most mundane activities in the blandest way imaginable?
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 04:47 |
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JosephWongKS posted:Is there a name for this style of writing, where you describe each individual step of the most mundane activities in the blandest way imaginable? Miranda Leeks done it before in Chapter 1 when writing about Rodney starting up his car: Nyaa posted:I wish to know this too. This is the very reason I stopped picking up random books to read without recommendation. I just skimmed a book Miranda should have bought, How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them--A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide. There this style is called Zeno's Manuscript, with a special version called "On my way to the scene". But googling those two phrases turns up nothing related to prose unfortunately. And JWKS, you're in for a treat. Reading the story blind is something that can never be truly experienced again.
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 08:43 |
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Someone please reassure me that rollercoaster trains can't breed.
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 09:59 |
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attackbunny posted:
They can breed, they can even have ultrasounds.
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 10:04 |
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I haven't clicked this because I'm not sure if it should have tags. Also holy gently caress that woman's face It's like the tattoo that one newly-wed goon got of his wife.
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 10:06 |
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Oh Jesus God and gently caress. I don't even know what's worse - a) mini Railrunner plus umbilical cord looking like the worst possible incarnation of centipedes in your rollercoaster's uterus, OR b) the fact that Leek actually drew an ultrasound of her protagonist, OR c) the confirmation that rollercoaster trains have genitalia, OR d) the logo on top having that massive gap in so it look like The Story Of Amusement. Park Between. Park between what?
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 13:07 |
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attackbunny posted:
They complement each other so well! Requesting that JWKS use thumbnail portraits to show who's talking.
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 14:45 |
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I love how our main character just looks like some dirty rear end in a top hat.
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# ? Mar 20, 2013 23:38 |
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Ugh... This is just plain wrong. Tapeworms don't have feet. Pick posted:I love how our main character just looks like some dirty rear end in a top hat. That's an insult to goatse.
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 00:11 |
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paragon1 posted:Now wait just a goddamn minute. I don't... what..? isn't that the same picture? I don't get it.
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 01:31 |
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Interlude - Behind Iron Barsquote:
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 14:00 |
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GUEST REVIEW BY MERCEDES --------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 7 – Cold Hard Facts quote:
Why doesn't the janitor get a name while the bar owner gets a first AND last name? I wish the janitor was black so I can call Miranda Leek out on racism. quote:
“And I waited here for hours while pretending to read. I have to have the perfect dramatic pose.” quote:
Again with the books. Thunderbark obviously wants to seem smarter than he actually is, so I can picture his desk covered with open books. Most of them upside down. quote:
Thunderbark ominously closed a book on his desk. quote:
Thunderbark stared into Rodney's eyes, and then closed a book that was placed on his own head. quote:
I feel I need to point this out. Rodney is not a roller coaster. He's a giant roller coaster train that can apparently fit through human sized doors. quote:
This is the best. Miranda Leek does not have auto-correct in her word processor, or she looks at the red squiggles with fondness as if they were her own personal roller coaster train. quote:
My question would be “Dragons don't exist.” I know that's not an actual question so shush. I just never knew that the power of a dragon's eyesight is commonly known information. quote:
Thunderbark then closed a book he was balancing on his foot. quote:
When skunks are provoked, they spray the perceived threat with their stinky butt juice. When roller coasters are provoked, they impersonate Napolean Dynamite. quote:
As opposed to the carnivals with half naked Brazilians dancing in the street. The best kind of carnival. quote:
Angrily, Thunderbark closes another book that was hidden in the desk drawer.
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 14:09 |
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Mercedes posted:I don't... what..? isn't that the same picture? I don't get it. Surprisingly, it is not! Miranda Leek's was very thorough and blatant in her intellectual theft. Edit: And why the gently caress would rollercoasters be venomous (of all the things to get right, she said venomous instead of poisonous)?
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 14:44 |
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paragon1 posted:Edit: And why the gently caress would rollercoasters be venomous (of all the things to get right, she said venomous instead of poisonous)? This was what I was going to pick up on as well. How are they venomous, why would they need to be? Also bending lightning and fire? I mean come on, how do any of the powers related to roller-coasters at all? Why do roller-coasters that can smash up police cars need to have all these powers arghhhh.
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 15:14 |
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Oh my god I had totally forgotten about Thunderbark's mood-ring eyes. Though I believe that it is never going to come up again, Miranda forgets quite a lot of things. But I don't know why Railrunner does not have them, because he is the hero of the story and all that jazz. And just to let you know, if you think all those powers are all that Railrunner has, think again.
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 18:12 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:Oh my god I had totally forgotten about Thunderbark's mood-ring eyes. Though I believe that it is never going to come up again, Miranda forgets quite a lot of things. But I don't know why Railrunner does not have them, because he is the hero of the story and all that jazz. I'm fully expecting her to add more powers as they become convenient to the plot, much in the same way my 7 year old self added new rules to games we made up as we played them so that I would win.
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 18:50 |
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Her drawings look like dragons with wheels glued on. Her descriptions make them sound like magic super dragons with wheels glued on. Why is this about amusement park rides, exactly? Oh well, it's a lot more ridiculous this way. JWKS, thanks for suffering through this. Also, EagerSleeper, thanks for linking this trainwreck in the deviantart thread.
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 21:58 |
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I found myself shaking my head as I was going through the chapter. The entire chapter.
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 22:02 |
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PhysicsFrenzy posted:Her drawings look like dragons with wheels glued on. Her descriptions make them sound like magic super dragons with wheels glued on.
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# ? Mar 21, 2013 23:40 |
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Well, my accent is too strong for a dramatic reading, so have this instead:
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# ? Mar 22, 2013 01:07 |
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my dad posted:Well, my accent is too strong for a dramatic reading, so have this instead: You need to fit in Clare's neck in there somewhere. The neck that is longer than her entire head. JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 02:07 on Mar 22, 2013 |
# ? Mar 22, 2013 02:04 |
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my dad posted:Well, my accent is too strong for a dramatic reading And this is why you should read dramatically
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# ? Mar 22, 2013 02:06 |
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I guess someone managed to one-up anthropomorphic airplanes, huh. Didn't think it was possible. Shine on, Miranda Leek, you crazy furry diamond.
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# ? Mar 22, 2013 04:44 |
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It must be really inconvenient to turn into a roller coaster train when you step into a roller coaster train. Just think about those poor restraints!
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# ? Mar 22, 2013 07:18 |
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JosephWongKS posted:You need to fit in Clare's neck in there somewhere. The neck that is longer than her entire head. I tried to fit in Clare's neck in there somewhere. The neck is longer than her entire head.
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# ? Mar 22, 2013 09:30 |
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my dad posted:I tried to fit in Clare's neck in there somewhere. The neck is longer than her entire head. How about swapping out her head for her neck in that picture?
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# ? Mar 22, 2013 12:37 |
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JosephWongKS posted:How about swapping out her head for her neck in that picture? Something like this? I had to improvise, since Neckzilla doesn't actually end in the original picture, it goes beyond the bottom edge. In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if it ends at all. edit: If you really want fun with Neckzilla, have this: my dad fucked around with this message at 14:04 on Mar 22, 2013 |
# ? Mar 22, 2013 13:47 |
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When you get in a roller coaster, you become a roller coaster. That's like a "yo dawg" meme the author gave up on halfway through. Roller coasters run on electricity and make sparks so that's why they control lightning and fire. The venom has me mystified. Maybe because the chemicals used in coaster cleaning are toxic to humans? hosed if I know. quote:“Oh boy. Railrunner a roller coaster gains power from amusement parks and carnivals. You also gain power from rides and you can have the ability to control them like their speed and how long they last. If you step on the rails or in a coaster car, you go roller coaster instantly. I would think about that,” [JWKS: So that’s where the missing quotation mark went] Railrunner. It’s not a good idea to be going there, at all.” He said as he crossed his arms. "Oh boy" is right. It's like the beginning of a loving Freakazoid episode. "Don't say his name!" "You mean Candlejack?" "...Freakazoid why did you say his name?" Cue ~hilarity~. Seriously Rodney. You have a loving power you cannot control which makes you hulk out and go nuts. Are you sure you wish to spring this surprise on your girlfriend during your romantic date? I know people say you need to spice up your love life, but I don't think this is what they meant. Speaking of cartoons, I bet when Rodney will finally master his awesome powers he'll yell "I'M GOING COAST!" a la Danny Phantom. quote:...And three is when you need power the most. And the forth [sic] I will tell you when you’re ready.” Hey! Two deus ex machinas for the price of one! Awesome!
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# ? Mar 22, 2013 22:16 |
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So I've decided that books like this are too much a price to pay. Let's ban all the books.
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# ? Mar 22, 2013 23:11 |
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SSNeoman posted:Speaking of cartoons, I bet when Rodney will finally master his awesome powers he'll yell "I'M GOING COAST!" a la Danny Phantom. You're so close, you're so so close you have no idea.
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# ? Mar 22, 2013 23:41 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:
Wait - did you voluntarily buy this book too?
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# ? Mar 23, 2013 01:59 |
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Yes. It was brought up in the "Strangest thing on DeviantArt" PYF thread. I read the preview and thought it was a great book for drinking games, then it proved too much for me once I got further into it. Twisted! is the only book I've actually deleted from my Kindle and the Amazon Kindle Library.
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# ? Mar 23, 2013 11:09 |
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This is amazing. I can't wait to see how terrible this gets.
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# ? Mar 23, 2013 11:25 |
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I've just finished transcribing Chapter 8 and am typing out my review of it. In the meantime, enjoy this preview picture of half-Rodney half-Railrunner. JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 14:03 on Mar 25, 2013 |
# ? Mar 24, 2013 16:30 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:Yes. It was brought up in the "Strangest thing on DeviantArt" PYF thread. I read the preview and thought it was a great book for drinking games, then it proved too much for me once I got further into it. Twisted! is the only book I've actually deleted from my Kindle and the Amazon Kindle Library. I'm pretty sure this is the most DeviantArt thing I've ever been exposed to.
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# ? Mar 25, 2013 05:26 |
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Chapter 8 – Carnevilquote:I went home to get ready; I wasn’t going to listen to Thunderbark this time. A few minutes Clare drove up the driveway. As she climbed out and edged toward the front door, I started to get second thoughts, what if Thunderbark was right? Maybe this was a stupid Idea [JWKS: Spelled with a capital “I”], but I couldn’t bail now. You totally can bail, moron! Just say you have a headache or a stomachache or something! quote:“Are you ready?” Clare asked. I will buy a free forum upgrade or avatar to the goon who can demonstrate that Rodney’s car was destroyed or otherwise lost during one of the earlier chapters, because I’ve re-read all of them and can’t find any evidence to such effect. Of course, that means that you will have to re-read the earlier chapters, but that’s the iron price you have to pay. quote:Clare and I then got into her convertable [sic] and started our departure. A sixth scent [sic] kicked in. I’m stupid for doing this! I shouldn’t have even answered the drat door! I can’t get out of this now, I’ll just get some info on the carnival first, I thought. Miranda Leek has a gross misunderstanding of what a “sixth sense” typically entails. quote:“So, how many people do you think will be there?” I asked. This dialogue makes me cringe. Who the hell says “Well yes and no” or “Well, I have my reasons” when talking about roller coasters? Just lie, you bloody idiot! Say you have motion sickness or something! quote:I tried to relax a little bit; I just have to avoid riding or touching any coasters. Plus be back and away from Clare before the moon rose. If I wasn’t careful I could kill her by mistake! That’s the lie you choose to tell? Something as easily disprovable as that? quote:“Well, we will be there in a sec. It is right around this curb.” Say you got’ve agoraphobia, you frigging dumbass! That’s a lie that not easily falsified! quote:A little while later Clare dragged me onto a ferris wheel. As soon as I sat down, my feet and hands started to tingle. I’m feeling the power, I realized. I need to keep in control at all cost and maintain stability. “Getting power from taking carnival rides” is so hilariously dumb both in concept and execution that it almost makes up for the aggravatingly dumb that is everything else about the book. quote:“I’m saving the best for last Rodney, the roller coaster.” “I have a stomachache / headache / from the noise / the crowds / the carnival food / the rides.” There, problem solved. quote:“Why don’t we do some games?” “Bottles and their pressure points – A thesis by Rodney Railrunner.” Also, Rodney apparently now has the proportionate strength of a roller-coaster even in his human form, but as a trade-off has the proportional intelligence of a brick. quote:“Dang, [JWKS: Missing quotation mark] said the perplexed host, [JWKS: Missing quotation mark] well here is your prize,” he said, handing me a giant stuffed panda. I nodded in thanks then handed the bear to Clare. Oh no, not Master Lazy Panda! quote:“That was amazing! [JWKS: Missing quotation mark] She said grasping my arm. She stopped and ran her frail fingers among my skin, puzzled. “Rodney – have you been working out? Your muscles are huge!” Lose her in there? That’s better than just telling her you aren’t feeling well? quote:“See you at the exit!” she said heading into the maze. I’ve seen “house of mirrors” in Scooby Doo and other American cartoons, but have never actually visited one. Do their operators need to go through the maze themselves every single time there’s a customer? That sounds rather inefficient. quote:I started, but as I looked into the mirrors, I saw the face of horror, Railrunner’s. My reflection was the real me. I looked around; I had a roller coaster reflection in every single one! I began to run, Railrunner running with me, as my reflection. I must get out of here! No one can see me for what I really am. I ran faster, my lungs expanded and compressed as I let out huge puffs of air. So he’s got improved strength but not stamina or endurance. A shame, really – Clare might have been able to accept Rodney’s shapeshifting nature if it meant he could start lasting hours and hours in bed. quote:I stumbled out of the exit and landed on the dirt ground, right at Clare’s feet. The hell? Didn’t they go in together? How did Clare get out of the house of mirrors faster than Rodney if he’d been running through the place? quote:She grabbed my hand and pulled me up, and started to yank me across the lot. Clare seems pretty nonchalant about the whole “I’m a monster” bit. Is were-roller-coaster-induced stupidity a disease that can be spread to your family and loved ones? quote:Rodney broke out in a tremendous sweat at the car climbed the hill. His body started to shake. Clare looked at him frightened. This is physically painful to read. quote:Clare stood several feet away from him watching in horror. In the last paragraph “The car traveled faster”. When and how did Clare get off the roller coaster herself? quote:Rodney’s shoulderblades [sic] vibrated as seats sprouted along his back. The skin was ripping off his chest and, he was slowly losing his sanity. His hands and feet fused together to make wheels. His tailbone extended as his teeth grew into fangs. Still, his own will was in control, but not for long. Won’t someone please make a animation short of this? quote:Clare walked up to him. “This only happens at night! And when I touch a coaster.” Miranda Leek may be a terrible writer in almost every way, but she has undisputed mastery of bathos. quote:“I need to protect you.” And then Rodney was the Railrunner. JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 16:48 on Mar 28, 2013 |
# ? Mar 25, 2013 14:03 |
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JosephWongKS posted:I will buy a free forum upgrade or avatar to the goon who can demonstrate that Rodney’s car was destroyed or otherwise lost during one of the earlier chapters, because I’ve re-read all of them and can’t find any evidence to such effect. Of course, that means that you will have to re-read the earlier chapters, but that’s the iron price you have to pay. Don't think it is specific enough but he smashes up at least 1 car at the bar. quote:Railrunner crossly walked up to the police. They began to fire, their bullets simply bouncing off of him. He then grabbed the front bumper of the cruiser, and tossed it like a toy. It smashed into another car.
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# ? Mar 25, 2013 14:52 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 04:31 |
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I'm pretty sure Clare's dialogue was generated via Smarterchild.
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# ? Mar 26, 2013 01:42 |