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This, this is the chapter where I snapped. I had expected him to work on something small, like the lock of his chains and cell. And then he tortures a mouse to death. And he This marks the first deliberate non-accidental kill of a human made by Railrunner in first person. The rest of the chapter is too vague to mark a killcount. But it doesn't mean that the rest of the book will be as vague. JosephWongKS posted:NO NO NO NO NO! NOW HE GETS loving BLOOD-BENDING ON TOP OF LIGHTNING-BENDING AND METAL-BENDING? THIS IS BULLSHIT! MIGHT AS WELL GIVE HIM ENERGY-BENDING WHILE YOU ARE AT IT! There is at least one more Bending power left in the last chapters of the book. And it is Glorious JosephWongKS posted:List of Railrunners powers 25. Heightened sense of smell (used to find an exit of all things) Bobbin Threadbare posted:Goddamnit. I knew this would happen, but I didn't expect I'd be so literal about it. I hadn't expected it as well. Because I was kind of expecting some kind of literary device where Black was sort of equal to Darkrail if not the same person, so having Railrunner be just slightly annoyed by Black, who is comically evil, and then dispatch of him like no big thing, it didn't say good things about the final climax of the book. quote:I took a shortcut through the woods. It felt like the night I spent with Clare, but after this night, those days were over. Never again would that be a reality, only a dream. I ran to the edge of a cliff. It was the one where you could see every bit of Huntersville. I scanned below, within no time, I spotted the history museum. In the brambles behind it, were Thunderbark and the gang. I threw back my head and howled like a wolf to signal that I had arrived. I could feel that Thunderbark was happy as could be. And so was I. I can't believe no one caught this yet.
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# ? Apr 20, 2013 10:51 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 15:02 |
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Detective Black... Noooooo!!!!!!
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# ? Apr 20, 2013 10:54 |
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Yeah, Miranda, I thought X-Men 2 was a pretty cool movie too. Also, think of it as a good thing that Detective Black is finally out of this story, and able to find one that deserves him
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# ? Apr 20, 2013 16:16 |
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Railrunner runs away like a coward while Detective Black stitches up his own chest.quote:I then pulled my wheels apart, the mouse squeaked in sudden I can't seriously believe Miranda wrote those sentences about this mouse's fragile bones snapping while it cried out in pain and still decided this was an awesome new skill.
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# ? Apr 20, 2013 17:11 |
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Man, if I discovered I could move people's bodies with a thought, my first thought would not be to test a creature to destruction, just to see if I could. Like, this is getting seriously messed up. I was willing to give a pass on the multiple murders, because... hey, rage, UNSTOPPABLE ROLLERCOASTER POWERS, etc. It was poorly done, but one could make the excuse. But there's no excuse for "Whoa, I can move this mouse! *CRUNCH SNAP* AND I can break it's bones! Neato!"
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# ? Apr 20, 2013 21:56 |
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John Lee posted:Man, if I discovered I could move people's bodies with a thought, my first thought would not be to test a creature to destruction, just to see if I could. Like, this is getting seriously messed up. I was willing to give a pass on the multiple murders, because... hey, rage, UNSTOPPABLE ROLLERCOASTER POWERS, etc. It was poorly done, but one could make the excuse. But there's no excuse for "Whoa, I can move this mouse! *CRUNCH SNAP* AND I can break it's bones! Neato!" To be fair, the way Bloodbending (which this "manipulate the miniscule amounts of metal within a living creature's body" power essentially is, just totally different and original you guys cause this version is based on Earthbending instead of Waterbending) is introduced in "Avatar", we see the person who figured out the technique starting out by doing unpleasant things to little animals while she was imprisoned, then moving on to her captors. She doesn't kill any of them; just the act of controlling people against their will is worse. In any case, endless font of creativity, thy name is Leeks. Should note that "Avatar: The Last Airbender" and it's sequel-series "Legend of Korra" are both incredibly awesome, so please do not skip them just because they are referenced in this huge clusterfuck of a novel.
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 01:44 |
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Chapter 16 – Robberyquote:
These guys have blood-bending, metal-bending, fire-bending, lightning-bending, super-strength, super-agility, immunity to bullets and healing factor. I really, really don’t understand why they are so afraid of being discovered by humans or why they spend so much time and effort trying to hide their existence. quote:
Human writing is poo poo in this book only because were-amusement park rides get all kinds of stupid Mary Sue powers. quote:
“Adhere” =/= “Follow”. quote:
They also have the power to shrink and expand at will, because that’s the only reason a pair of twenty-foot long, twenty thousand pound roller-coasters can manage to fit into a museum corridor and a staircase. quote:
Oh yes, they have the power to control gravity too. quote:
And now they have the power to breathe “icy mist” as well. quote:
And the power to walk on walls and ceilings, notwithstanding the fact that they weigh twenty thousand pounds. quote:
And the power to fall and land quietly on their quote:
Are wheels typically tipped with nylon? The things I’m learning from this book. quote:
“Invade” =/= “Capture” or “Arrest” JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 16:17 on Apr 21, 2013 |
# ? Apr 21, 2013 16:02 |
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List of Railrunner’s powers Chapter 4 1. Remotely shatter glass 2. Possesses claws that are 15-inch long and perfectly sharp Chapter 5 3. Ability to run “faster than a car at top speed” 4. Can “hear anything and everything” 5. Heightened stealth Chapter 7 6. Bend lightning 7. Bend fire 8. Super strength 9. Super agility 10. Predict when things will happen, except death 11. Sense trouble 12. Never get sick 13. Venomous 14. Sight of a dragon 15. Gain power from amusement parks and carnivals 16. Control the speed of rides and how long they last Chapter 10 17. Healing factor Chapter 11 18. Immunity to bullets Chapter 12 19. Can change at will if wearing the Augu Ra 20. Can move between the worlds when wearing the Augu Ra Chapter 13 21. Can fire concussion beams Chapter 14 22. Bend metal Chapter 15 23. Bend blood 24. See in the dark 25. Heightened sense of smell Chapter 16 26. Shrink at will to fit into confined spaces 27. Control gravity so that they can "descend up" 28. Breathe “icy mist” that reveals infra-red sensors 29. Walk on walls and ceilings 30. Fall and land quietly on their wheels JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 16:11 on Apr 21, 2013 |
# ? Apr 21, 2013 16:04 |
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List of damage caused by Railrunner Chapter 4 1. Shattered the beer bottles being held by his friends Buddy and Sly, injuring their hands 2. Killed a cat 3. Wrecked the ambulance that came in response to Buddy and Sly's injuries 4. Wrecked a bar, killing at least 1 civilian 5. Attacked the bar-owner 6. Attacked the police officers who came in response to the chaos, killing 5 of them Chapter 5 7. Killed and ate a bull Chapter 8 8. Attacked his girlfriend Clare Chapter 9 9. Attacked Detective Black when he jumped in front of Clare to defend her from Railrunner's assault 10. Ran through the carnival, destroying nearly everything in his path, from toppling over small rides to completely obliterating food stands 11. Killed and ate a "fat black and white dairy cow" 12. Attacked and killed a SWAT officer who came in response to the chaos 13. Attacked his girlfriend Clare again 14. Attacked Detective Black again 15. Tried to attack Thunderbark with lightning Chapter 11 16. Cold-bloodedly murdered a gang of thugs who had accosted Clare but who had swiftly surrendered after seeing Railrunner's were-roller-coaster form 17. Attacked a pair of police officers who had come in response to a report of armed robbery in the area 18. Pushed large trucks out of his way while chasing the abovementioned police officers on the road, presumably causing multiple vehicle collisions Chapter 13 19. Killed a police officer by biting him in the neck 20. Killed another police officer by deflecting a bullet back into the police officer 21. Caused mass destruction to a group of police officers by firing a “concussion beam” 22. Flattened some more police officers by “flipping their cruisers” and crushing them underneath Chapter 15 23. Cruelly destroyed a mouse by manipulating the metal in its blood 24. Inflicted a minor injury on Detective Black 25. Slammed a few police offices on to a wall 26. Smashed a few more police officers with his tail 27. Knocked out a police officer by popping open his restraint 28. Attempted to crush a FBI captain by throwing a police car at him Chapter 16 29. Broke into a museum and stole a piece of jewellery known as the Augu Ra
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 16:05 |
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Rodney and his minions hatch a plan to steal a mcguffin from a museum. The plan is carefully explained to the reader beforehand and goes off without a hitch thanks to several spontaneously-generated superpowers. Miranda Leek doesn't know how to write books.quote:“Good because our time is running out.” He said coming next to me. quote:“Yeah, we must hurry if we are going to see Clare. Also the police and FBI plan to invade us.” said Thunderbark bravely. attackbunny fucked around with this message at 16:24 on Apr 21, 2013 |
# ? Apr 21, 2013 16:15 |
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quote:adhere/follow Miranda's word choice errors are really weird. They'd make sense if she weren't from an English-speaking country (hell, I made worse on this very forum), but since she's from the US, I'm just... baffled.
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 16:23 |
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Is it possible that 'adhere behind him' is meant to mean 'stick behind him', in that Thunderbark is telling Railrunner to stay back? 'Adhere' has got to be one of the words you'd get if you looked 'stick' up in a thesaurus. Same for 'invade' and either 'capture (a nation)' and 'attack'. So all she's doing is looking up the word she actually wants in a thesaurus and picking something that sounds fancier regardless of its actual connotations. Pretty sure I'm putting more thought into Miranda Leek's word choices than she did.
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 16:30 |
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"Human technology sucks," says the bumper car.
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 16:45 |
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quote:He said as he detached from the ceiling, twisting around so he landed on his wheels like a cat would land on its paws. I followed his action, astonishingly, my wheels made a quiet impact on the thick carpet. Good thing the curators thought to cover the room with wall-to-wall high pile carpet!
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 16:47 |
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JosephWongKS posted:These guys have blood-bending, metal-bending, fire-bending, lightning-bending, super-strength, super-agility, immunity to bullets and healing factor. I really, really don’t understand why they are so afraid of being discovered by humans or why they spend so much time and effort trying to hide their existence. I think she really meant "Invade" here. Remember when the only way to go between the worlds required Firinium? Don't worry if you forgot, because Miranda forgot too. I believe that this is a kind of a trope. Human invading fantasy land to take over everything. At least it is kind of familiar. There's the history of witchhunting, throughout several fantasy books all fantasy creatures or people with magic have been afraid of regular humans. I believe Frankenstein to be the earliest example of it, where the pitchfork brigade really makes its appearance. Though why I feel it like this is the case is kind of hard to grasp for me. I've been trying to find examples for humans destroying or enslaving fantasy worlds but it kind of falls short. Maybe it's more like how the industry of humans is killing the nature and all that somehow translated over to this mess of a book. If anyone knows a bit more about this sort of thing please tell me. And also: JosephWongKS posted:
This is Thunderbark's power, not Railrunner's. Don't worry, Thunderbark will give his very stupid reason for why that is so later. Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 16:56 on Apr 21, 2013 |
# ? Apr 21, 2013 16:54 |
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I don't think she meant gravity control when Railrunner "descended up". I think she just meant they climbed up but wrote it in a roundabout way.
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 17:40 |
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GrizzlyCow posted:I don't think she meant gravity control when Railrunner "descended up". I think she just meant they climbed up but wrote it in a roundabout way. Of course that's what she meant, the problem is that descend means: "to go or pass from a higher to a lower place; move or come down." No usage of descend can mean upwards movement, so the only way to "descend up" is if gravity is upside down at the time.
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 19:38 |
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JosephWongKS posted:These guys have blood-bending, metal-bending, fire-bending, lightning-bending, super-strength, super-agility, immunity to bullets and healing factor. I really, really don’t understand why they are so afraid of being discovered by humans or why they spend so much time and effort trying to hide their existence. And really, all it would take for an explanation is, "We don't trust humans because (pick one) if you learned about our powers you'd find some way to exploit them / you tend not to react sensibly when you encounter something really unusual or shocking, so we just don't want to have to deal with your reaction to real live With these lists of new-powers-as-the-plot-demands, I almost want to go over to the DeviantArt thread and round up the most (unintentionally) hilarious dragonlike OCs to see how they compare with Railrunner and the gang...
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 19:48 |
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The opposite of descend is "ascend! They "ascended" the staircase. Yannow, the logical response to "how are they going to sneak around as roller coasters" is "they don't." Sneaking into a museum should've required them switch to their human forms and use their wits and mundane skills to win the day. That would've gotten us on the hero... er, protagonist... ...viewpoint characters' side, because then we'd see that they're not just the ostensible protagonists because they have sweet powers, but because they're brave enough to risk themselves to accomplish their goals, even without sweet powers backing them up. But no, being a roller coaster is unanimously superior to not being a roller coaster. Freeze breath and gecko toes ensue!
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 20:11 |
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JosephWongKS posted:List of Railrunner's powers Don't forget "spontaneously grow claws even though he only has wheels for fingers." quote:I took one of my claws and drew a large circle on the glass case surrounding the Augu Ra just as a spy would. Thunderbark caught the glass as it fell to the floor. He sat it aside, and then grinned at the necklace and me.
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 20:26 |
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JosephWongKS posted:Are wheels typically tipped with nylon? The things I’m learning from this book. On a roller coaster? It's entirely possible. Roller coaster wheels surround the track on three sides and are made of hard plastic to allow some give while providing a strong grip. Wheel placements usually hold three or six wheels, which is why the illustrations use the wheels as "fingers" rather than hands. my dad posted:
I've already alluded to this sort of thing as Roget-approved purple prose; it's common among inexperienced writers who want to sound fancy.
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# ? Apr 21, 2013 21:13 |
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hyperhazard posted:Don't forget "spontaneously grow claws even though he only has wheels for fingers." This was already shown in Chapter Four. They can grow claws out of their wheels. Chapter Four posted:
Miranda Leek has also drawn a picture of their wheel-claws: Iced Cocoa posted:
JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 02:12 on Apr 22, 2013 |
# ? Apr 22, 2013 02:08 |
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JosephWongKS posted:This was already shown in Chapter Four. They can grow claws out of their wheels. Goddamnit. I must have repressed that.
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# ? Apr 22, 2013 02:33 |
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Chapter 17 - Love Hurtsquote:
Good! You guys are terrible and deserve to be doomed. quote:
Shouldn’t it be “oil” or “lubricant” spilled? quote:
Most people cannot accept you for what you are because you an amoral, sadistic, murderous psychopath. That Clare can accept you speaks very poorly of her. quote:
What happened to “I wanted to kiss her… but I couldn’t”? quote:
“Placed a wheel just under her chin.” Just when I thought there was no way this “romance” scene could be any dumber. quote:
I hope you all get caught by the police and locked away in jail forever, you horrible monsters. JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 13:03 on Apr 22, 2013 |
# ? Apr 22, 2013 12:59 |
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And here Thunderbark has apparently changed his mind about Railrunner being in love with a human. In fact, in the last chapter it is he who brings up seeing Clare before they leave. Why is Thunderbark suddenly approving of the relationship now? Did Railrunner manage to change his mind in the same part where Thunderbark tells Railrunner about the concussion beam power? Next chapter is going to be Amazing
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# ? Apr 22, 2013 14:08 |
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Just making sure... she's writing a second one, right? At least she's doing what she loves - writing self-insert fiction about how she'd sleep with a rollercoaster if she could.
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# ? Apr 22, 2013 14:41 |
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Ah, the perfect, unending, undefeatable love of adolescence. Back when you still think that love is some irresistible force and not more about finding reasons to stand each other.
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# ? Apr 22, 2013 15:18 |
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I just caught up to the blood-bending. That is the cheapest bullshit cop-out I ever saw.And don't worry, guys. Having his chest ripped apart just pisses Detective Black off more. Goddamn it's like every member of the law enforcement is a badass. FBI "Captain" Vicks pulled some Black Lagoon poo poo when he attacked Psychocoaster with his loving RPG. I mean how long does it take to reload one? And he was firing them in a fairly rapid succession! ~*Fanfiction*~ posted:Detective Black woke up in a hospital bed. His entire body ached from Railrunner's assault. What has this thread done to me?
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# ? Apr 22, 2013 18:54 |
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SSNeoman posted:
quote:Thunderbark appeared up next to me for support. Clare looked at him in awe. She then watched Merrylegs and Static climb out of the brambles.
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# ? Apr 22, 2013 19:33 |
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attackbunny posted:Only good things. Well, it's a bumpy ride.
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# ? Apr 22, 2013 20:12 |
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SSNeoman posted:What has this thread done to me? I'm this close to writing some Black/Railrunner slash fic. I feel sure that Detective Black's hostile attitude is actually rooted in his secret desire to be rendered helpless by a strong rollercoaster's tender wheels.
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# ? Apr 22, 2013 22:45 |
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quote:“Human technology can be poo poo sometimes,” Static laughed. “The whole circuit should be disabled now, but it will only last, in my calculations, ten minutes. Best if you hurry.” Yeah, stupid useless self-healing electronics. quote:“Railrunner! Run!” Do that thing you do! I would forgive everything in this book if random people kept asking the main characters to do things that are in their names. Thunderbark! Bark! linall fucked around with this message at 19:08 on Apr 23, 2013 |
# ? Apr 23, 2013 19:05 |
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Thank you, JosephWongKS, for taking us on this journey.Shonagon posted:I'm this close to writing some Black/Railrunner slash fic. I feel sure that Detective Black's hostile attitude is actually rooted in his secret desire to be rendered helpless by a strong rollercoaster's tender wheels. I am quite sure that the slash fic would end up having higher literary value than the original.
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# ? Apr 24, 2013 02:35 |
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Just caught up on this thread and holy poo poo there's so much First of all, I'm not entirely clear on the Amusement Park Between. The book description describes it as "amusement ride heaven", where decommissioned rides go, but apparently rides that aren't regular rides but rather organic creatures are born here which are supposed to be related to actual rides in the real world but not really? Also, if nothing but rides exist in Amusement Park Between, what do the rides eat? And how would roller coasters possibly evolve into predatory creatures? And why would Thunderbark possibly hang onto Static if lightning is already part of a rollercoaster's powerset? Man, I can't believe there's a book with lore that gets me more aggravated than Rosario + Vampire. Also, Twisted posted:The rides only hope is the key to their prophecy, "The Red Will Defeat The Black". Twisted posted:Detective Black I want to know what an Amusement Park Between Power Builder from Legoland would look like. Maybe I can commission Leek to draw one? Needless to say, should it not have the smuggest possible expression and rock-hard abs, I want my money back.
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# ? Apr 24, 2013 16:56 |
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Time! Assuming Railrunner has magnetic abilities, and assuming the stupidity of "only being able to manipulate a few grains of iron at a time" is valid and would actually prevent him from just straight up moving the cell bars, let's see how bullshit it STILL is for Railrunner to pull off what could be the most far fetched and improbable escape for the sole reason of shamelessly ripping off The Last Airbender! According to MedlinePlus, the normal amount of iron in the blood of a human is 60mcg/dL - 170mcg/dL. (For imperial unit folks, mcg/dL stands for microgram per deciliter, with microgram being a MILLIONTH of a gram.) Furthermore, a human body contains 5.6L/56dL blood, so let's give Leek the benefit of the doubt and say that police issue cereal is really high in iron, therefore our Detective Black has the maximum healthy iron amount of 170mcg/dL. Which equates to a whopping 9.520 milligrams of iron for Railrunner to control. As crazy as she might be, Miranda got one thing right: 10 milligrams are a tenth of a large sand grain, so yes, manipulating all the iron in a human body is actually well within Railrunners scope of abilities. Unfortunately for him, standing in the rain is more effective than moving that amount of iron around. But for the sake of the argument, let's say Railrunner is capable to induce a massive amount of upward momentum in the natural iron stirring in Black's body, so much in fact as to negate the effects of gravity and – as the book states – make him suspend in midair. After all, those of roller coaster blood have superhuman strength. If that was the case, just how hard would he have to push? Black sounds like a fit man – despite high cereal and donut intake – so lets say he weighs 80 kilos: 60 kilos brains and brawn, 20 kilos pure fighting spirit. Newton says he'll apply 784 Newtons of pressure through gravity. To negate gravity, Railrunner has to apply equal or greater force on his body. Force equals mass times acceleration, and since we don't have a whole lot of mass, it's going to take an awful lot of acceleration to make up for not even 10 measly milligrams. In fact, it takes 82350000 m/s^2 to get him airborne. He would have more luck trying to lift him by blowing at him. Then again, he probably has superbreath too. Oh, and keep in mind that in The Last Airbender, bloodbending can only be done during the full moon, when a Waterbender's powers are at his peak, and it took the first person to use it years to master it. So even then the writers were sensible enough to make it sound more challenging than learning how to juggle. Oh god I've been watching too much Mythbusters.
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# ? Apr 24, 2013 17:53 |
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horriblePencilist posted:Time! What I've always wondered was much energy it would really take to bring Railrunner to 200 mph, all 20,000 pounds of his, but I've never been good at physics to find the right formulas for that, all of them seem to be about acceleration. I do though remember a similar discussion here about a gigantic dragon in Christian Humber Reloaded, I think the results of that physics discussion was that in order to get the dragon flying a city would be leveled.
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# ? Apr 25, 2013 00:38 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:What I've always wondered was much energy it would really take to bring Railrunner to 200 mph, all 20,000 pounds of his, but I've never been good at physics to find the right formulas for that, all of them seem to be about acceleration. I do though remember a similar discussion here about a gigantic dragon in Christian Humber Reloaded, I think the results of that physics discussion was that in order to get the dragon flying a city would be leveled. I am in no shape or form a certified science goon, but let's see what we can do. Feel free to correct me, should I gently caress up. I'm using basic physics here, I could very well be wrong. The Bugatti Veyron can get from 0 to 200 mph in a mere 24.2 seconds and weighs a mere 4,162 pounds. Since Railrunner is better than any mortal car but also five times heavier, he can match that speed in 25 seconds. That gives us an acceleration of 89.4 m/s^2. Using the F=m*a formula, that gives us a force of 811019 NEWTON JESUS. But wait, Railrunner has a whole bunch of legs, right? That'd mean that the force is distributed between his legs. For the sake of simplicity, we'll say he'll push his entire body with all of his legs at once. According to this picture, Railrunner has 10 cars, with four legs each, bumping his leg count up to a whopping 40. A quick division, and we know each leg applies a force of 20275 Newtons. According to this article, the peak force when jogging is around 1500 Newton. That means Railrunner is 13 times stronger that a human. Plausible? You decide. All I know is he needs some serious stamina to keep this up. Next up, let's see if I can't figure out how bullshit it is for Railrunner to land on his feet as gently as a cat! edit: I just realized Railrunner's head is a car too, and since it doesn't have appendages, that'd mean he only has 36 legs. Which means each leg now has to create a force of 22528 Newtons, 15 times more than the peak force of a jogger. horriblePencilist fucked around with this message at 18:05 on Apr 25, 2013 |
# ? Apr 25, 2013 09:27 |
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I would like nothing more than to see Miranda find the thread, take all the notes to heart, and re-write Twisted as a Great American Novel for her generation. Since that won't happen, lets pool some money and get EPG to do it.
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# ? Apr 25, 2013 23:02 |
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horriblePencilist posted:But wait, Railrunner has a whole bunch of legs, right? That'd mean that the force is distributed between his legs.
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# ? Apr 26, 2013 02:46 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 15:02 |
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PIZZA posted:Since that won't happen, lets pool some money and get EPG to do it. I think this is a job for T.B. Thread.
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# ? Apr 26, 2013 08:32 |