PYF Awkward, Ugly, and Gross: My Little Signature Fedora Edition

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Maggie Fletcher: Jul 19, 2009; Getting brunch is more important to me than other peoples lives.

RazorBunny posted:

I grew up in the "country" - a genuinely rural area outside Richmond, VA. As in, deer on truck hoods, dairy farm up the road, septic tanks and turkey shoots. It sucked. I don't understand glamorizing it. There was nowhere for a kid to go and do stuff until you got old enough to drive, and even then it was a 45-minute trip each way. Most of us didn't actually live on farms, so we didn't have farm chores to keep us busy. It had its cool aspects, like getting to see a lot of interesting wildlife, but mostly we were either bored as hell or playing with dead animals we found. Or rocks.

That poo poo is everywhere now. I'm in Silicon Valley, and people here LOVE to celebrate their "country roots." This place is the most stereotypical privileged suburban paradise, extremely safe and rife with modern conveniences, millionaires in pickup trucks and stores whose air is too expensive for the likes of me to breathe. But go to some San Jose born-and-raised girl's Instagram and see artfully edited photos of their cowboy boots posed next to a Mason jar full of wildflowers. Seriously, as country as it gets out here is wine country, and none of these people know rural.

(E: although I do know a couple of people who have small vineyards or orchards and can their own poo poo or make their own wine. That's pretty cool. Ironically, they're usually not the ones bragging about how country they are.)

I used to live on a farm in Jackson County, West Virginia, and THAT poo poo was rural. Our farmhouse burned down when I was little, and my family now lives in the less-rural city areas of WV. They do the same thing. Not a single one of them has ever been on a horse or even seen a cow up close, but you see their awful "SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWBOY" memes on Facebook just the same. I get that you're proud of being from an economically depressed area that has made the "country's most unhealthy cities" list the last ten years running or whatnot, but you're a WalMart cashier, not a cowgirl, and your boyfriend is a meth dealer, not a rancher. Most of the people I know (myself included), whether from the super-privileged bay area or economically stagnant WVa wouldn't last five seconds on a farm or a ranch.

Maggie Fletcher has a new favorite as of 05:51 on Aug 1, 2013

# ? Aug 1, 2013 05:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 8, 2024 07:10

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

I grew up in the country and every morning a cow would kick my face into pulp and then I moved to the big city and the hoof print scars on my face turned me into a literal god among men. I do not have to walk anywhere because I ride on seas of adoring fans who all want to touch my hoof-scars. I try to weep but they collect my tears and mix them into champagne. I hear it makes for an exquisite taste, but a goat ate my tongue when I was an infant because he was jealous of my mother's affection, so I will never taste the wine of my sadness.

Have a famous(?) person(s?) looking awkward:

# ? Aug 1, 2013 05:41

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Some lady goes nuts over some front yard rhubarb.

http://youtu.be/yhG3iHvqmus

# ? Aug 1, 2013 06:17

AdorableStar: Jul 13, 2013

JebanyPedal posted:

Some lady goes nuts over some front yard rhubarb.

http://youtu.be/yhG3iHvqmus

Her voice makes her sound like she's trying to do an impression of a little goblin.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 06:45

Aerox: Jan 8, 2012

On the topic of cowboy chat, my hometown was this delightful mix of having a huge government lab that almost everyone's parents worked at, and then also a storied ranch culture that meant like maybe 15% of kids actually had a farm, had cows, rode horses, and whatnot.

Of course, a bunch of PhD scientists' kids decided they would become cowboys, so even though they lived in the suburbs of our town (which were very upper middle class and white), they still rolled around in their Wranglers, chewed tobacco, joined the Varsity Rodeo Team (yes, we had one), and, naturally, drove around with huge Confederate flags they had managed to mount into the back of their pickup trucks. They'd spend lunchtime practicing lassoing the nearest trash can, yell some slurs at the Mexican kids nearby, and then go home to their nice little urban two story houses.

Funny enough, most of the kids who actually grew up on the farms in the area weren't into that poo poo at all, and couldn't understand why some kid who had just moved here from NYC joined the rodeo team and said he was a cowboy.

Keeping with the theme of the thread, the most awkward story was when one of the more popular "cowboys" lost his wallet one day, and the person who found it also found some nazi paraphernalia (swastikas, SS logos, etc.) drawn in it. It was a brief scandal for a while because he didn't even try to deny it, but it blew over in about a day since people realized if they were mean to him they couldn't go to his parties anymore.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 07:01

hseroK divaD: Jun 3, 2011; Creepy Richard will keep leering at you NON-STOP!

More vegan insanity:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpL2tFnYlQw

:nms:

just for the ending.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 07:07

Mirrors: Oct 25, 2007

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

Oh man, that droopy thigh fat coming out the bottom of its shorts is the best subtle detail of this picture.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 07:36

Kung Food: Dec 11, 2006; PORN WIZARD

Celery Face posted:

A gross middle aged woman and a younger nerdy creep on Extreme Cougar Wives brag about loving each other.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rU9SLBjTSSc

If you would have told me that this was a SNL skit and Jane was played by Will Ferrel I would have believed you without question.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 08:05

Rondette: Nov 4, 2009; Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.; Grimey Drawer

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

Holy poo poo.... :stare:

SHE IS WEARING A VAGINA ROUND HER NECK :siren:

# ? Aug 1, 2013 08:59

platedlizard: Aug 31, 2012; I like plates and lizards.

Rondette posted:

Holy poo poo....
SHE IS WEARING A VAGINA ROUND HER NECK

How did I miss that :stonklol:

# ? Aug 1, 2013 09:03

AdorableStar: Jul 13, 2013

Moreoever, how did I miss the fact that her husband(?) has a bagel shirt?

# ? Aug 1, 2013 09:06

no_shit_columbo: Jul 26, 2013

Kheldragar posted:

Moreoever, how did I miss the fact that her husband(?) has a bagel shirt?

what!? that's a man!?

# ? Aug 1, 2013 09:34

mr. mephistopheles: Dec 2, 2009

no_shit_columbo posted:

what!? that's a man!?

No.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 09:35

appropriatemetaphor: Jan 26, 2006

For about a page I was convinced that "bagel pants" were some sort of fat person pants that only have like one leg hole or something.

But nope, literal bagels. Literal pants.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 10:01

unpacked robinhood: Feb 18, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

Celery Face posted:

cougar video

They are making this up, it's too perfect.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 10:48

Bast Relief: Feb 21, 2006; by exmarx

Rondette posted:

Holy poo poo....
SHE IS WEARING A VAGINA ROUND HER NECK

Just look up "yonic necklaces" on etsy and you'll find a shitton of those things.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 11:54

M_Sinistrari: Sep 5, 2008; Do you like scary movies?

Maggie Fletcher posted:

Most of the people I know (myself included), whether from the super-privileged bay area or economically stagnant WVa wouldn't last five seconds on a farm or a ranch.

As a kid, I was often dragged off to visit the relatives on the farm during summer. It left me with an understanding of how much hard work's involved on one along with outhouses are horrible, never stand behind a cow, chickens are pure evil incarnate in poultry form, country-dark makes city/suburb-dark look like daylight, and after a weekend out there when you realize there's little to nothing to do for entertainment, you will appreciate city/town living even when it's not optimal.

With that said, it absolutely floors me with how many of my friend and acquaintance base are almost obsessed with this living off the grid/country lifestyle when the closest any of them have been to it is one person grew up in an unincorporated suburb. With one, he grew up in New Jersey and just watches a lot of Duck Dynasty and wants to go off and live like that. Another who I've mentioned in previous versions of this thread is a neo-hippy pagan who plans on having her own little self sustaining compound independent of 'The Man' yet somehow still having high speed internet while spending every bit of money on anime and Dr. Who stuff to where she's already been evicted for non-payment and has something shut off until she gets someone to pay the bill out of sympathy and can barely keep what few livestock she's acquired since her last move healthy or even around.

Trying to get them to at least rethink and research more about it before trying to buy land out in the boonies or livestock is like trying to push a boulder uphill with no help.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 12:34

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

M_Sinistrari posted:

outhouses are horrible

If an outhouse is horrible, it's been made by someone who doesn't know how to make an outhouse :colbert:

. (It's not as if the art hasn't been perfected in the time they've been around.)

# ? Aug 1, 2013 12:37

horriblePencilist: Oct 18, 2012; It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJzd8oLgbWY

People on Second Life, specifically after the 3:30 mark.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 13:40

Twat McTwatterson: May 31, 2011

M_Sinistrari posted:

As a kid, I was often dragged off to visit the relatives on the farm during summer. It left me with an understanding of how much hard work's involved on one

That is the real mystery indeed... 10,000 BCE.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 13:50

Switchback: Jul 23, 2001

jidohanbaiki posted:

Just look up "yonic necklaces" on etsy and you'll find a shitton of those things.

I wish I hadn't done that.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 14:33

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

GIS can be a powerful tool for good or evil.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 14:47

CatStacking: Jan 9, 2010; ~A Purely Preposterous Pussy~

appropriatemetaphor posted:

For about a page I was convinced that "bagel pants" were some sort of fat person pants that only have like one leg hole or something.

But nope, literal bagels. Literal pants.

...wouldn't that just be a skirt?

# ? Aug 1, 2013 15:38

Pilsner: Nov 23, 2002

jidohanbaiki posted:

Just look up "yonic necklaces" on etsy and you'll find a shitton of those things.

Christ.

The bottom one.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 16:04

High Lord Elbow: Jun 21, 2013; "You can sit next to Elvira."

horriblePencilist posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJzd8oLgbWY

People on Second Life, specifically after the 3:30 mark.

I love this guy. Trolling MMO shut-ins until they explode into homicidal rage should be a national pastime.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 16:06

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

M_Sinistrari posted:

As a kid, I was often dragged off to visit the relatives on the farm during summer. It left me with an understanding of how much hard work's involved on one along with outhouses are horrible, never stand behind a cow, chickens are pure evil incarnate in poultry form, country-dark makes city/suburb-dark look like daylight, and after a weekend out there when you realize there's little to nothing to do for entertainment, you will appreciate city/town living even when it's not optimal.

With that said, it absolutely floors me with how many of my friend and acquaintance base are almost obsessed with this living off the grid/country lifestyle when the closest any of them have been to it is one person grew up in an unincorporated suburb. With one, he grew up in New Jersey and just watches a lot of Duck Dynasty and wants to go off and live like that. Another who I've mentioned in previous versions of this thread is a neo-hippy pagan who plans on having her own little self sustaining compound independent of 'The Man' yet somehow still having high speed internet while spending every bit of money on anime and Dr. Who stuff to where she's already been evicted for non-payment and has something shut off until she gets someone to pay the bill out of sympathy and can barely keep what few livestock she's acquired since her last move healthy or even around.

Trying to get them to at least rethink and research more about it before trying to buy land out in the boonies or livestock is like trying to push a boulder uphill with no help.

And now this thread is full of goons bragging about their country roots so that they can credibly make fun of other people bragging about their country roots.

Edit: Content. That guy with no top teeth from a few pages back (Vilepilot?) also has a youtube channel. 1700 videos of creepy weirdo.

Here is one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vffB1BSils

Inevitable has a new favorite as of 16:14 on Aug 1, 2013

# ? Aug 1, 2013 16:09

Steampunk iPhone: Sep 2, 2009; by XyloJW

# ? Aug 1, 2013 16:17

M_Sinistrari: Sep 5, 2008; Do you like scary movies?

Jerry Cotton posted:

If an outhouse is horrible, it's been made by someone who doesn't know how to make an outhouse . (It's not as if the art hasn't been perfected in the time they've been around.)

Granted the time at the farm is going back an easy 35-40 years ago and certainly coloured with all the 'I hate this' my not yet in school self could muster.

And for content here's a slideshow of awkward family holiday photos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22Ae-JcpiL8 It is worksafe, but if anyone clicks on the side for the awkward pregnancy slideshow there's probably some NSFW going on in the sidebar on that one.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 16:46

horriblePencilist: Oct 18, 2012; It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

Who needs to hit the gym when you can deskercize

# ? Aug 1, 2013 16:57

Flying Fortress: Oct 23, 2008

Pilsner posted:

Christ.

The bottom one.

Eh, who cares? These are probably the least horrifying thing in this whole thread.
Stop being afraid of vaginas dude.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 17:03

Bast Relief: Feb 21, 2006; by exmarx

horriblePencilist posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJzd8oLgbWY

People on Second Life, specifically after the 3:30 mark.

That dragon guy loves the sound of his own voice saying cheesy lines he aped from cheap paperbacks. It's so weird how serious people are about that game.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 17:04

AdorableStar: Jul 13, 2013

horriblePencilist posted:

Who needs to hit the gym when you can deskercize

Fitness is still impossible, I'd say.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 17:05

Frostwerks: Sep 24, 2007; by Lowtax

Flying Fortress posted:

Eh, who cares? These are probably the least horrifying thing in this whole thread.
Stop being afraid of vaginas dude.

It's a vagina you can wear on your neck so it's basically the only one he'll ever see.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 17:08

The ideology eater: Oct 20, 2010; IT'S GARBAGE DAY AT WENDY'S FUCK YEAH WE EATIN GOOD TONIGHT

Pilsner posted:

Christ.

The bottom one.

What's different about the bottom one? :confused:

They all just look like vaginas to me?

# ? Aug 1, 2013 17:10

Mogomra: Nov 5, 2005; simply having a wonderful time

Flying Fortress posted:

Eh, who cares? These are probably the least horrifying thing in this whole thread.
Stop being afraid of vaginas dude.

Take a step back and think about people actually wearing these. Wearing jewelry modeled after genitalia is definitely awkward and would be considered gross by an overwhelming majority I would think. :shrug:

# ? Aug 1, 2013 17:14

EXTREME INSERTION: Jun 4, 2011; by LadyAmbien

Pilsner posted:

Christ.

The bottom one.

Do they sell frosted glass handcrafted artisan dick necklaces as well?

# ? Aug 1, 2013 17:17

Tardcore: Jan 24, 2011; Not cool enough for the Spider-man club.

UnnaturalSELECTION posted:

Do they sell frosted glass handcrafted artisan dick necklaces as well?

Not good enough, I think I speak for everyone when I say we'd need full on dick hats.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 17:20

Inco: Apr 3, 2009; I have been working out! My modem is broken and my phone eats half the posts I try to make, including all the posts I've tried to make here. I'll try this one more time.