LP TEW13: WWF vs. WCW mk. 2 - Rad Buffaloes and Wraps

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > LP TEW13: WWF vs. WCW mk. 2 - Rad Buffaloes and Wraps

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Sanguinia: Jan 1, 2012; ~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

I Before E posted:

Maybe he and Hogan could team up and start a backstage fight club.

As soon as 1999 hits, we'll be booking DDP and Hogan in a Fight Club match at Halloween Havoc. Brad Pitt is special guest referee. The big swerve is that it will feature the return of Richard "Wrap Master," Slater, the original backstage brawler.

# ? Jan 11, 2014 07:50

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 10:30

JoeRules: Jul 11, 2001

Nitro to run sometime this afternoon, RAW will run either later today or tomorrow.

:siren:

WCW, you've got an incident to deal with! :siren:

# ? Jan 11, 2014 18:35

Skunkrocker: Jan 14, 2012; Your favorite ~~furry~~ wrestler.

Sanguinia posted:

As soon as 1999 hits, we'll be booking DDP and Hogan in a Fight Club match at Halloween Havoc. Brad Pitt is special guest referee. The big swerve is that it will feature the return of Richard "Wrap Master," Slater, the original backstage brawler.

Psshh, thread won't last that long. We'll own WWF by 1998. :v:

# ? Jan 11, 2014 18:37

NutritiousSnack: Jul 12, 2011

JoeRules posted:

WCW, you've got an incident to deal with!

DDP or Hogan killed someone.

# ? Jan 11, 2014 18:43

Q7kid: Jul 24, 2009

NutritiousSnack posted:

DDP or Hogan killed someone.

When DDP pulled the trigger, the BANG was unmistakable.

# ? Jan 11, 2014 18:54

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

wergeck.com posted:

Here are the results for the post-Bash at the Beach Nitro.

DARK MATCH: Glacier defeats Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker with a Cryon-Bomb.

DARK MATCH: Terry Gordy pins Chavo Guerrero Jr. after a backdrop driver.

DARK MATCH: Too Cold Scorpio defeats Lt. James Earl with a 450 splash.

DARK MATCH: Mortis (with James Mitchell) defeats Scotty Riggs with a spear.

DARK MATCH: In a six-man tag team match, The Thrillseekers, accompanied by new prospective manager Tom "Dynamite Kid" Billington, and "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan defeat Kevin Sullivan and Men at Work when Storm makes Starr submit to the Canadian Maple Leaf. Kanyon acquits himself well, though, with another offensive showcase.

The New Horsemen and Woman celebrate Arn Anderson's title victory in the ring. Anderson gloats not only that he's at the top of the wrestling word, but that he's leveraged his new status as champion to have his "contractors," Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, wrestle in sanctioned WCW matches despite not having WCW contracts. Hall and Nash promise that they are taking over, and the destruction of Ric Flair at Bash at the Beach was just the beginning. The Giant comes out to interrupt, demanding a rematch from the stage. Anderson gives him an option: Giant can enter a previously scheduled battle royal, OR he can get his hands on Anderson tonight! The Giant knows he'd win the rumble, but he won't let a month pass before he knocks Anderson's teeth out his rear end. Deputy Commissioner Rick Rude emerges from the backstage area and acknowledges that Giant would prefer to face Anderson, and he'll get him--in a six-man tag team contest. Giant doesn't seem pleased, but then he becomes outright furious when Rude then announces that the battle royal Anderson mentioned will determine the Hog Wild challenger to Anderson's WCW Title! Rude smugly walks off, and Anderson smirks, having outsmarted the mammoth former champion. Benoit was outclassed.

Madusa approaches Raven, seated slumped against the wall and shrouded in shadow, backstage. Madusa informs him that Kidman understands the importance of following Raven better now and will go along. Raven says this is good. He says Kidman is a case study in the disadvantaged rising up and casting the privileged down, in injecting chaos into WCW's order. The assaults that Raven and Saturn perpetrated upon entering WCW were a warning shot to the establishment, and that anyone who chooses to follow Raven will stand atop the crumbling ruins..."quoth the Raven, nevermore." Madusa is transfixed. Both looked good.

Lord Robert Brookside defeats Jerry Lynn with a Northern Lights suplex. Lynn never really gets going and is completely dominated. New Television Champion King Steven Regal joins the commentary team to put over his charge, as well as the obvious superiority of BBC TV to American trash like TNT. Schiavone points out that Nitro airs on TNT in the United Kingdom as well, so Regal tells him to put a sock in it. No one cared.

Video Recap: Booker T takes a crazy bump off the top of a ladder onto another ladder at Bash at the Beach. The commentators discuss that he is still being examined at a Daytona Beach-area hospital and his condition is unknown, but they pay him a great deal of respect for putting his body on the line.

Perry Saturn and Billy Kidman defeat Steve "Mongo" McMichael and Taka Michinoku when Kidman hits a shooting star press on Michinoku. Billy doesn't see Madusa attack Debra on the floor to draw McMichael's attention, however--perhaps, whatever Madusa says, Billy is not onboard with Raven's treachery and cult psychology.

Blood Runs Cold teaser: Glacier's back faces the camera, and he suddenly turns and stares directly into it. The title card simply says..."THIS SATURDAY."

Ric Flair approaches Barry Windham in the locker room, thanking him for helping him last night. Who knows that those thugs might have done to him? Windham blows Flair off. "I didn't go out there for you Ric. I went out there to give the Horsemen what was coming to them. Don't think I'm on your side. You may have walked out there like a man last night, and I respect that. But I don't believe you've changed. And as for Anderson's goons... I'm still the Lone Wolf. I'll hunt them down myself."

The Steiner Brothers defeat Hugh Morrus and The Shark (with Jimmy Hart) when Scott Steiner hits the Shark with the Steiner Screwdriver. The Shark was off his game.

The Road Warriors emerge with microphones, commending the Steiner Brothers for their number-one contendership earned at Bash at the Beach. Animal talks about how both teams are internationally renowned and recognized as the best in the world, so it will be their honor to face the Steiners and prove they're just that little bit better. Scott seems to take exception to this, saying that there's no way "two painted-up goons can match up to the Dog-Faced Gremlin and the genetic freak with the largest arms in the world!" Scott then hits a double bicep pose as Rick looks at him sideways, a little caught off-guard by Scott's unusual boastfulness. Hawk shrugs it off, saying, "welllllll, I don't know about all that, but I do know that at Hog Wild, when the Steiner Brothers come face-to-face with the Road Warriors for the Tag Team Championships of the world, all those bikers in Sturgis, South Dakota are gonna be left saying, OHHHHHHHHH WHAT A RUSH." The four men exchange handshakes.

Dean Malenko stands in the ring with a globe. "Cruiserweights come from all over the world. Japan, Canada, The United States...and Mexico. Now, I am a proud member of World Championship Wrestling--but did you hear that adjective? World. But if you look at the Cruiserweight championship..." He holds up a chart of the cruiserweight division composition. "We're seeing a preponderance of Mejicanos. As all of you know, I fought hard to keep championships in our country--I thought when Shinjiro Otani vacated his unrecognized 'WCW Cruiserweight Championship,'" Malenko explains, emphasizing the title name with air quotes, "and took the Oriental Express back to Japan, and Jushin Thunder Liger decided he liked the warm embrace of a fat Samoan up north, we could finally forget about Japan and have some good old American competition. Look, I'm not a racist, but now these masked Mexicans just keep coming! I just hate Me...uh, masked men. Not to name any names, but I believe in Lady Liberty, not Saint Diego. Who's with me?"

Commissioner Curt Hennig has finally seen enough, appearing on the TurnerTron and asking Malenko to clear the ring for the Cruiserweight Title tournament semifinal, featuring Mexican sensation El Hijo del Santo! Malenko stews at this announcement.

El Hijo del Santo defeats Psicosis in a semifinal match of the Cruiserweight Title tournament, dodging a guillotine legdrop and applying La de a Caballo for the submission. Malenko tries to distract Santo during the match, but his loud-mouthed remarks about "wearing a mask to hide your ugly face" seem to effect Psicosis just as much, negating any advantage he might have obtained.

"Mean" Gene Okerlund looks to interview Brian James and James Maritato ahead of their tag team contest next, but instead finds "Johnny B. Badd"--Brian James with a long, dark permed wig and feather boa--and Maritato portraying a mulleted race-car driver pastiche in checkered-flag tights, whose name is conspicuously never mentioned. Okerlund asks the meaning of all this, and "Badd" explains that he's as pretty as a picture; Maritato interjects with a limp, half-hearted "yay." Badd says he looks just like Little Richard; Maritato contributes another feeble "yay." Badd: "Don't be fooled by my looks--I've got a mean left hook." Maritato: "Yay." Badd continues that, even though they may commonly be known as James + James, "tonight, we are..." Maritato leans in and meagerly concludes, "...The Mild Sparks." Brian James then uncorks a Badd Blaster right in Mean Gene's face, and the two Jameses depart. Okerlund groans and gripes as he wipes glitter off of himself.

The Mild Sparks (James + James) defeat The Rock 'n Roll Express when "Johnny B. Badd" Brian James is handed a roll of quarters by Maritato and hits a Kiss That Don't Miss on Gibson.

Lex Luger is depressed over losing his Television Championship to King Steven Regal. Sting tells him that it had to happen someday, and that he needs to learn from his mistakes. Luger asks if they can go back to being how they were before, if their friendship can be repaired. Sting says not now; he needs to do his own thing for awhile. Luger says he understands, "but Stinger, if you ever need me, even in your darkest hour, I'll be there." Sting takes a long look at Luger, and finally says, "hey Lex...give Regal hell for me." He walks away, leaving Luger looking slightly more hopeful. Sting looked bad, Luger looked good.

Kevin Nash defeats Barry Windham with a Jackknife Powerbomb.

Nash mugs the referee for his belt--yes, the one holding up his pants--and continues the beatdown post-match, whipping Windham repeatedly. Ric Flair, looking a little weary and unsteady on his feet after last night's war with the Outsiders, runs out to try and make the save for Windham, but seems to recognize he may not have it in him to win a direct confrontation with Nash in his current condition. So, instead of engaging Nash directly, he covers Windham's body with his own, taking the belt lashes from Nash in Windham's place. Officials are finally out to break up the assault. As soon as Flair came out, no one cared about Windham.

Arn Anderson, Chris Benoit (with Woman), and Scott Hall defeat the Giant and the Nasty Boys when Anderson hits the spinebuster on Sags for the pinfall. Giant does seem to have his way with the New Horsemen whenever he is involved, however.

We have a brief dance interlude with The Nitro Girl, Beulah McGillicutty, as we reset for the main event.

MAIN EVENT: Sting wins a 20-man battle royal to earn a shot at the WCW World Heavyweight Championship, last eliminating United States Champion Ron Simmons. Also of note: Lex Luger and King Steven Regal eliminate each other, and Scotty Riggs interferes to help Marcus Bagwell eliminate VK Wallstreet. The 20 participants are as follows: Sting, The Road Warriors, The Faces of Fear, Lex Luger, Disco Inferno, The Blue Bloods, Marcus Bagwell, VK Wallstreet, Konnan, Ron Simmons, Diamond Dallas Page, The Freedom Towers, Eddy Guerrero, Stevie Ray, Jeff Jarrett, Dan "The Beast" Severn. Sting celebrates his win, while Arn Anderson watches pensively on a monitor backstage. Stevie Ray was off his game, and desperately needs to be repackaged.

AWA World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan revels in his victory, showing on the TurnerTron stills of Savage last night being loaded into an ambulance with his broken arm. Hogan says he's crippled Randy Savage, proven his superiority, and now he's ready to move on to bigger and better things, brother. Randy Savage, arm in a cast, emerges and says he's beaten Hogan, but Hogan hasn't beaten him, so who's really superior, oh yeahhhh? Hogan says he will always be better than Savage as long as the billions of Hulkamaniacs fuel him, and Savage keys in on this. He asks, "Hulk Hogan, if you are so confident that you can beat me in the middle of that ring, and you believe that all your Hulkamaniacs are in your corner, why don't you put your faith in them?" Hogan asks what he means; Savage challenges Hogan to one last match for the AWA World Heavyweight Championship...with the fans deciding the stipulation! Both guys looked great out there.

Teve Wergeck gives this show a B-.

wcwwrestling.com posted:

Wrestling fans! Hog Wild looks to be another classic WCW event, held at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in Sturgis, South Dakota. But there is a special match where you, the fan, can decide the stipulation! The Hulkster, Hulk Hogan and "Macho Man" Randy Savage will have one last match for the AWA World "Hulkamania" Champinship. Polls have opened here on wcwwrestling.com to determine what kind of match these two will face off in!

-Ambulance Match
-Biker Chain on a Pole Match
-Fans Bring the Weapons
-No Disqualification
-Yappapi Indian Strap Match

Vote now! If you can't find the poll here on wcwwrestling.com, just type it in the thread! You know, the one you're in right now!

Edward Mass fucked around with this message at 02:16 on Jan 12, 2014

# ? Jan 12, 2014 02:14

Volcano Style: May 2, 2006; THERE IS ONLY ONE

WCW's been on a roll lately and I don't want to ruin what's been a legitimately well written storyline with a gimmick answer. I'm gonna do it justice and vote for a good old ~~No DQ~~ Fans Bring the Weapons match. Also good.

Volcano Style fucked around with this message at 02:01 on Jan 13, 2014

# ? Jan 12, 2014 02:31

long-ass nips Diane: Dec 13, 2010; Breathe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQtUftGqoyg

# ? Jan 12, 2014 02:58

Abrasive Obelisk: May 2, 2013; ~~I joined th~~
ROVPACK IN THE HOOUUUUSE!

he still knows...

If I can vote:

I have faith in WCW to be funny, so Fans Bring The Weapons.

# ? Jan 12, 2014 03:16

Q7kid: Jul 24, 2009

Abrasive Obelisk posted:

If I can vote:

I have faith in WCW to be funny, so Fans Bring The Weapons.

We will happily accept the votes of our friends up north. It does our hearts good knowing you are so engaged in our superior product.

# ? Jan 12, 2014 03:18

Der-Wreck: Feb 13, 2006; Friday nights are for Wapner!

I think the fans should bring WEAPONS!

# ? Jan 12, 2014 03:46

BoredDG: Aug 10, 2013

A Fans Bring the Weapons match would be the perfect opportunity for the Hulkamaniacs to prove their loyalty!

Also, I just realized how weird this "Attitude Era" is going to be. There's no nWo in WCW, no Austin 3:16 promo in the WWF, Rocky might not become famous in the WWF, Jericho started by being mentored by Piper in the WWF, and who knows what's happening in ECW with most of their talent raided by both companies.

# ? Jan 12, 2014 04:00

The Best Christmas: May 13, 2011

Let fans bring some weapons. I entrust the bookers involved to, of course, plant some ringside fans to bring straps, thus allowing for two gimmicks at once.

# ? Jan 12, 2014 04:09

I Before E: Jul 2, 2012

Abrasive Obelisk posted:

If I can vote:

I have faith in WCW to be funny, so Fans Bring The Weapons.

# ? Jan 12, 2014 04:24

Abrasive Obelisk: May 2, 2013; ~~I joined th~~
ROVPACK IN THE HOOUUUUSE!

he still knows...

BoredDG posted:

A Fans Bring the Weapons match would be the perfect opportunity for the Hulkamaniacs to prove their loyalty!

Also, I just realized how weird this "Attitude Era" is going to be. There's no nWo in WCW, no Austin 3:16 promo in the WWF, Rocky might not become famous in the WWF, Jericho started by being mentored by Piper in the WWF, and who knows what's happening in ECW with most of their talent raided by both companies.

No DX, we still have Janetty, masked Mysterio, no Mark Henry ( :psyduck:

), NJPW Rocky, HHH losing to green Edge tutored by Jake Roberts, Edge and Christian in different promotions...

# ? Jan 12, 2014 04:27

I Before E: Jul 2, 2012

Abrasive Obelisk posted:

NJPW Rocky

I'm sorry what? Rocky's in NJPW?

# ? Jan 12, 2014 04:48

zetamind2000: Nov 6, 2007; ~~I'm an alien.~~

BoredDG posted:

A Fans Bring the Weapons match would be the perfect opportunity for the Hulkamaniacs to prove their loyalty!

Also, I just realized how weird this "Attitude Era" is going to be. There's no nWo in WCW, no Austin 3:16 promo in the WWF, Rocky might not become famous in the WWF, Jericho started by being mentored by Piper in the WWF, and who knows what's happening in ECW with most of their talent raided by both companies.

Sounds like the New Generation Era is runnin' wild, brother.

# ? Jan 12, 2014 04:49

Abrasive Obelisk: May 2, 2013; ~~I joined th~~
ROVPACK IN THE HOOUUUUSE!

he still knows...

I Before E posted:

I'm sorry what? Rocky's in NJPW?

I just picked a random promotion.

# ? Jan 12, 2014 04:51

Sanguinia: Jan 1, 2012; ~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

It looks like were leaning toward Fans Bring The Weapons, and I have to admit that's my preferred choice because this is happening at Hog Wild, so the audience is full of Bikers. Who knows what kind of sick, twisted devices those rough and tumble men's men might bring to bear?

That being said, I'm casting my vote for the Yapapi Indian Strap Match. With Randy Savage's arm possibly broken, there's a fundamental tension to match and you can be sure Hogan will do everything he can to exploit that possible weakness. Not to mention it takes both men's primary finishing moves off the table, meaning that they'll both have to bring something new and amazing to bear if they want to have any hope of keeping such a powerful opponent down for the three. And lets face it, it's a match that's close up, brutal, and very very personal. A great way to finish a feud of this nature.

But really people, what's not to love about any of these stipulations? Make sure to keep casting those votes by calling in to Mean Gene's Hotline, only 99 cents per minute!

# ? Jan 12, 2014 05:42

JoeRules: Jul 11, 2001

WWF, you have an incident to vote on. Deadline is ~11AM CDT Sunday.

RAW is being booked now, WWFers, and we've got a few things that need attention.

JoeRules fucked around with this message at 18:47 on Jan 12, 2014

# ? Jan 12, 2014 06:14

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Ambulance Match

# ? Jan 12, 2014 17:40

Maxwell Lord: Dec 12, 2008; I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.

And I hope you die.

I hope we both die.; Grimey Drawer

The Luger/Sting angle is starting to remind me of Rocky III. Presumably Luger is going back to train in some run-down California gym and learn something about race relations.

# ? Jan 12, 2014 18:26

NowonSA: Jul 19, 2013; I am the sexiest poster in the world!

Fans bring the weapons!

# ? Jan 12, 2014 22:56

Charlie72: Apr 21, 2010

Fans Bring the Weapons!

# ? Jan 13, 2014 00:52

I Before E: Jul 2, 2012

Usenet User BigAnimeFanHere@prodigy.net posted:

Hey WWF fans, just got back from Raw. We had 5 dark matches as usual, Jerry Lawler beat 123 Kid in a quickie, TMPT beat Dave and Scott Taylor when HHH pinned Scott Taylor in a fun match, the Headshrinkers beat Brooklyn Brawler and Matt Hardy in what had to be the worst match of the night, probably because Samu and Phatu have different alignments and gimmicks entirely. Then the Dudleyz beat Tall And Jewish in a short match that was only slightly better than the previous match, and Hakushi beat 123 Kid in a short squash.

Then we saw HBK and Rick Martel on Inside The Actors' Studio, talking about their shared history and their upcoming matches with Owen Hart and Sid, respectively. Owen and Sid came out to mock them, and challenge dthem to a tag match in the main event, which Martel and HBK accepted. Sid's not super when he's asked to improvise, and he and Martel were the weak links in the segment. Goldust was FAN-TAS-TIC. That dude is a star.

After that, there was a really weird match where Doink came out to this sort of... industrial? remix of his theme music, wearing black and white, to face Marc Mero for like 4 minutes before he started to beat him with a chair and got disqualified. The match itself was actually pretty alright, but man, I'm not sure where they're going with Doink.

Then we saw a little hype vid: Dave Taylor and Jake Roberts walking down a street at night. A hooded man emerges from an alley, brandishing a knife and demanding their money. Jump cut to the man apologizing to both, thanking them for their advice, and promising to become a monk. Dave Taylor: A Real Man's Man. The crowd seemed to care more about this than they have about his other videos, probably because people love Jake Roberts.

After that, Tom Pritchard defended his IC belt against Bradshaw, and Bradshaw won when he hit the Clothesline From Hell on the outside and Pritchard got counted out. The match wasn't special, but I can see these guys going somewhere.

Then we got a pre-taped segment with Ultimate Warrior in front of his own logo. He gave a long, wandering rant, telling children to stay off drugs. Or he was talking about a recipe for roast possum. it's the Ultimate Warrior, who knows. It was fun, but you could tell he was having an off day.

They followed that up with a hype vid of the Yoko and Liger/Kaientai feud, which nobody seems to care about. This led into Liger beating Funaki with a Ligerbomb. This could have been OK, but Yoko wasn't good at ringside and Funaki looked like he had a cold or something.

The Gunns defended their titles against Ace Steel and JC Ice handily in a poo poo match before the Dudleyz came out to mock them for ducking their challenge. The Gunns fired back with some frankly lame lines about how the Dudleyz were bowling shoe ugly and they probably preferred inferior chaw. The promo was better than the match, but not by a lot.

We got a promo for the MITB match, hyping that Goldust, Warrior, Skunkrocker, and Liger were in, leaving only 2 spots in the riskiest match the WWF has ever seen, with a reward to fit. They followed this with Goldust/Yokozuna, a very fun match that ended with Hakushi attacking Yoko, allowing Goldust to hit his finisher. Yoko and Goldust work surprisingly well together. Then Taker beat Bob Holly in a pretty fun match, for a squash, at least.

After that, there was aGoldust and Taker skit: FarGold, a Shattered Dreams production. Goldust and Taker portray the two hired men, stealing the MITB briefcase. In the next scene, Goldust as Warrior as Marge Gunderson tries to question Taker as Jerry Lundegaard at the car dealership, but his unintelligible rantings leave Taker stupefied. Then, we see Goldust and Taker running off across the ice with the MITB briefcase.

After the action, a Bond-esque end card: GOLDUST AND UNDERTAKER WILL RETURN IN TWO WEEKS IN MONEY IN THE BANK. Very fun little video.

Then Vader and Chris Jericho had a MITB qualifier where Bulldog tried to interfere, Piper retaliated, and they brawled into the ring to cause a double DQ. Vader and Jericho work well together, but the match just came off as overstuffed, to its detriment. It felt like too many people were trying to get their way, and it just wasn't satisfying. Vader beat Jericho down after the match.

Then Hillbilly Jim and Finlay accepted Mankind's open challenge. The match went longer than most of the open challenge matches, and ended when after Finlay refused to submit to the Mandible Claw, Mankind resorted to a sort of double underhook DDT thing for a pinfall victory. More than I expected from Finlay.

Then they recapped the Owen/HBK feud, before the main event: HBK and Rick Martel v. Owen and Sid. HBK and Martel didn't seem to trust each other at first, but they started to really work together, ending when Martel hit a Scoop Slam on Sid to set up HBK's diving elbow, but Owen broke up the pin and started brawling with HBK, leading to a full on brawl and a double DQ. Then security had to come in and break up the brawl to end Raw. The match was really fun, and the show overall was a solid B-.

I Before E fucked around with this message at 03:43 on Jan 13, 2014

# ? Jan 13, 2014 03:17

Q7kid: Jul 24, 2009

I Before E posted:

Goldust as Warrior as Marge Gunderson

Well, there's a visual.

Also, two gently caress finishes to end the show? You guys are aware we're WCW, right?

# ? Jan 13, 2014 03:49

I Before E: Jul 2, 2012

Q7kid posted:

Well, there's a visual.

Facepaint on his facepaint, winter coat over his bodysuit. That's a lot of layers.

# ? Jan 13, 2014 03:51

Xerzes: May 16, 2012

Q7kid posted:

Well, there's a visual.

Also, two gently caress finishes to end the show? You guys are aware we're WCW, right?

Two out of the last three, thank you very much.

# ? Jan 13, 2014 03:51

long-ass nips Diane: Dec 13, 2010; Breathe.

My favorite part of this whole thing is how over Goldust is.

# ? Jan 13, 2014 03:57

I Before E: Jul 2, 2012

Swagger Dagger posted:

My favorite part of this whole thing is how over Goldust is.

I'm surprised too.

# ? Jan 13, 2014 03:59

Skunkrocker: Jan 14, 2012; Your favorite ~~furry~~ wrestler.

Q7kid posted:

Well, there's a visual.

Also, two gently caress finishes to end the show? You guys are aware we're WCW, right?

Yeah, but they're still :russo:

We're :bischoff:

Oh wait, that doesn't work... let me get the link.

We're

# ? Jan 13, 2014 05:41

I Before E: Jul 2, 2012

Skunkrocker posted:

Yeah, but they're still

We're :bischoff:

Oh wait, that doesn't work... let me get the link.

We're

I could have sworn you had a transparent version of that somewhere in the last thread.

# ? Jan 13, 2014 05:46

Skunkrocker: Jan 14, 2012; Your favorite ~~furry~~ wrestler.

I Before E posted:

I could have sworn you had a transparent version of that somewhere in the last thread.

I never actually made a transparent version.

# ? Jan 13, 2014 06:34

NutritiousSnack: Jul 12, 2011

Hey we're making up for lost time and beating you in PPV buy rates. Don't get cocky yet.

# ? Jan 13, 2014 23:54

JoeRules: Jul 11, 2001

WWF, Superstars is booking and you are needed in IRC.

JoeRules fucked around with this message at 04:39 on Jan 14, 2014

# ? Jan 14, 2014 00:37

your friend sk: Dec 10, 2005; (ヤイケス!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsNaR6FRuO0

quote:

Welcome to Prograps Unlimited, Issue 5!

Good evening marks! It's never a slow day in pro wrestling news, so let's get right to it:

Ratings Update: Bash at the Beach earned WCW a 2.07, but maybe "earned" isn't the right word. Of course it wasn't going to do as well as Great American Bash, one of their major PPV events, but it didn't even reach as many viewers as Slamboree. Nitro up slightly with a 3.08, RAW also up with a 2.43.

1-2-3 Kibosh: A careless WWF writer has let slip that 1-2-3 Kid is the superstar leaving for more southern pastures. This could spell trouble for WWF's new Money in the Bank concept, as The Kid was alleged to be an important part in the inaugural match.

A Billington Boner: On the day of his on-screen debut, Tom Billington is rumored to have picked a fight with La Parka backstage. The WCW writers left his debut in, presumably to avoid rewriting the show at the last second, but plans involving him have been cancelled for now.

Fun Runs Cold: Details are still sketchy, but a WWF source reports that Steve Austin and J.C. Ice almost came to blows after a mean-spirited rib gone wrong. We don't yet know who was the victim, nor do we know who was punished, if anyone.

Nash = Cash: Arn Anderson isn't the only one paying Kevin Nash well, it seems. Nash signed a short-term deal with WCW a few months ago, and both sides were happy to extend that deal recently. Our sources say that the deal is worth millions of dollars and that we can expect Nash to spend the rest of his career with WCW.

Clowning Around? Honestly, we're just as puzzled as you regarding the Doink match on RAW yesterday. The few reports we've gotten are totally absurd, so we're going to wait until we can get more info before trying to report on it.

Check in every Tuesday for the biggest news in the Monday Night War!

S.K.

# ? Jan 14, 2014 00:45

The Best Christmas: May 13, 2011

Multi-million dollar Kevin Nash contract? Oh lord, you're supposed to be different from WCW, what have you done

# ? Jan 14, 2014 01:00

Sanguinia: Jan 1, 2012; ~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

The Best Christmas posted:

Multi-million dollar Kevin Nash contract? Oh lord, you're supposed to be different from WCW, what have you done

We've reinforced Nash's quads with Robocop technology we found in Sting's garage. Don't be mad just because we've got the guy that would have been Stone Cold if he didn't blow up and pave the way for Stone Cold to be Stone Cold.

# ? Jan 14, 2014 01:05

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
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PWchat posted:

Here are the results for July Week 2 Saturday Night.

DARK MATCH: Rob Van Dam (with Bill Alfonso) defeats El Dandy with a split-legged moonsault. These guys don't click at all.

DARK MATCH: Mortis (with James Mitchell) defeats "Hardwork" Bobby Walker with a spear.

DARK MATCH: Terry Gordy, with a new prospective manager, Randy Savage's brother Lanny Poffo, defeats Disco Inferno with a backdrop driver. Disco puts up a good fight, but a distraction from Poffo gets him dumped on his head for the pin. Gordy and Disco didn't click.

DARK MATCH: James + James (with "Mean" Gene Okerlund) defeat Fire and Ice when Brian James avoids a second-rope Train Wreck and gets a quick pin on Ice Train. Mean Gene has clearly been forced by the Jameses to accompany them as their cheering section, as he rather unenthusiastically applauds them only when prompted by Maritato. Maritato didn't work well with Okerlund.

DARK MATCH: VK Wallstreet and Chris Kanyon defeat "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan and Steve Armstrong when Wallstreet uses the Stock Market Crash on Armstrong. Kanyon looks very strong again, using some dazzling offense.

In show-opening six-man tag team action, The Nobility (Earl Robert Eaton, Baron Alexander Wright, and Sir Norman Smiley) defeat The Public Enemy and Blitzkrieg when Smiley makes Blitzkrieg submit to the Norman Conquest.

King Steven Regal defeats Joey Maggs to retain the WCW Television Title, debuting a new finisher in his arsenal, an arm-trap neckbreaker called the Union Jack. Lex Luger comes out after the match to declare he wants his belt back. Regal sneers condescendingly.

Backstage, Dusty Rhodes interviews new signee Too Cold Scorpio and his manager, Bill Alfonso. Scorpio says he has a specific purpose in mind with his return, but for tonight, he's just glad to be back in front of the great WCW fans. Alfonso, with a coach's whistle hanging from his neck, says he's glad Scorpio brought him along for the ride, and he'll be happy to watch him take it to the "X-Treme"--he places a great amount of emphasis on the X. Both Scorpio and him cross their arms into X's above their heads before departing, Fonzie's frantic whistling trailing off as they do.

Too Cold Scorpio (with Bill Alfonso) defeats El Gato with the 450 splash.

Backstage, Lance Storm pumps up Christian Cage for his first match, which is next. Cage says he needs Storm to help get him cranked up, and he asks if they can perform the standard Canadian ritual to get adrenaline flowing. Storm thinks on it, then nods; he and Cage begin trading knife-edge chops.

Christian Cage defeats Lt. James Earl with an inverted double-underhook facebuster, which the commentators note is called the Showstealer. Crowd didn't care. The Thrillseekers celebrate Cage's win, but the Nobility comes out to the stage to golf-clap sarcastically.

Dusty Rhodes talks to Randy Savage backstage about the Fans' Choice Match at Hog Wild. Savage says that, broken arm or no broken arm, he will face Hogan in whatever match the fans choose. Savage then list the various match types up for vote: Ambulance Match, Biker Chain On A Pole Match, Fans Bring The Weapons, No Disqualification, and..."a Yappapi Indian Strap Match? What the hell is a Yappapi Indian Strap Match?" Neither Savage nor Rhodes are certain, and spend about a minute going back and forth experimenting with different pronunciations of "Yappapi."

Jeff Jarrett stands in the ring with a microphone in hand. He reminds the crowd that he is an MMA enthusiast who continues his mixed martial arts education under Coach Dan "The Beast" Severn, but he claims to have battled bare-knuckles vale tudo experts in Brazil and Shaolin monks atop Mount Song in China, so WCW's top competition is small potatoes.

Jeff Jarrett defeats the Booty Man with a Gracie Special. Again, Coach Severn is visibly disappointed with Jarrett falling back on his pro wrestling rather than utilizing his "extensive" MMA training.

Dusty Rhodes interviews Dean Malenko. Malenko notes that he's gotten complaints on his previous promo, and points out that he's definitely not a racist. He points out his tag partner for this evening, Ron Simmons, isn't white. Malenko just doesn't like masked wrestlers.

Dean Malenko and Ron Simmons defeat Rey Misterio, Jr. and Ultimo Dragon when Malenko makes Dragon submit to a Texas cloverleaf. Misterio, however, shows great fire, taking it to both Malenko and Simmons.

Glacier debuts to a great deal of theatrics. He makes a great show of placing his ceremonial helmet on the ringpost; Schiavone suggests he has heard this is the source of Glacier's power, which Ventura scoffs at.

Glacier defeats Jerry Lynn with a Cryon-Bomb, followed by a Cryon-Splash for the pinfall. Lynn puts up a truly pathetic showing in the face of Glacier's dominance. Crowd didn't care.

James Mitchell is backstage with the Freedom Towers watching Glacier on a monitor. Mitchell strokes his beard. He notes to his charges that "it appears the chill is setting in."

Scott Hall defeats Lex Luger when King Steven Regal sneaks a scepter shot on Luger after Luger misses a running forearm and finds himself too close to the ropes.

In the commissioner's office, Commissioner Curt Hennig and Deputy Commissioner Rick Rude ask Hulk Hogan about the "Yappapi Indian Strap Match" stipulation he has personally requested be included in the fan vote and what it entails. Before answering directly, Hogan turns to address the camera, first noting, "You know something, maniacs, first things first: I want the Doctor Proper to know, the Doctor Unger to know, Doctor Hughes to know, that the release forms have been signed by the Macho Man, jack. You're not responsible for the last couple of fractures I'll give to Randy Savage's broken arm, brother." Hogan then turns back to Hennig and Rude to describe the Yappapi Indian Strap Match fan-vote option: "The main priority in the Yappapi Indian strap match is to have flexibility of the wrist that you strap to your opponent with, brother, because in the Yappapi Indian strap match, when you're in the four corners of the battlezone, the main priority is�is to get the body in the proper position for the strapation, dudes.

When I get Randy Savage right where I want him, when I get him out of wind, sucking air, sweating from head to toe, I will call out to the Indian strapmaster gods that are subordinate only to Hulkamania, and I will say to them, 'Gimme Yappapi Indian punishment strap number one.' And as I strap your body, Randy Savage, as you scream to the heavens for mercy, as I see your skin start to bubble off your body, you will drop to your knees and you will say, 'Please, Mr. Hogan, please, I can't take it anymore. Please, I'm sorry I crossed the line.'

And as I hear you beg for mercy, Randy Savage, that's when I will call to the strapmaster gods for Yappapi Indian Punishment strapage number two. That's when the heavier belts will come out. That's when I will strap your skin and the flesh will bubble. That's when the flesh will start to peel from your hide. And as I see the raw pink meat on your back brother, I will take it to another level. I will transform from Hulk to Hulkamania Incarnate. I will double strap you with both fists, and you will scream to the heavens, 'Please, Hulkamania, don't hurt me anymore.' And I will never stop!"

Hennig and Rude stare blankly at Hogan for a long moment, then turn and quietly confer with each other. Hennig finally looks up and says, "Okay, so weight-belts and a strap, then?"

In the main event, Sting and The Giant defeat the Faces of Fear when Giant hits a double-chokeslam and Sting drops a top-rope splash on Barbarian for the pinfall. Both Giant and Sting look to be in top form. Giant was off his game, though, and the Barbarian was way off his game.

Overall, a C average show.

# ? Jan 14, 2014 01:29

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 10:30

I Before E: Jul 2, 2012

Usenet User milliondollartommydreamer@hotmail.com posted:

We had 5 dark matches, as usual. First Vader squashed kid in an average match, then Rick Martel beat Gary Albright in a dull match, Vampiro and the Dirty White Boy lost to Dave Taylor and Bob Holly in an even duller match, Tatanka beat Michael Modest in a somewhat more exciting match, and in the least cared-about dark match of the night, Jerry Lynn beat the 123 Kid. They worked pretty well together, but drat if 123 Kid's cred isn't virtually nil.

Then the cameras came on. First segment: Goldust is on Piper's Pit talking about how he will beat Warrior and all those other clods to win the MITB contract, and insulting Piper. Jericho tries to come to Piper's aid, but Taker attacks him before he can. HBK runs to Jericho's aid, and Mankind follows to cause as much pain as he can. They brawl until Gorilla makes a trios main event for tonight: Piper, Jericho, and HBK versus Mankind, Taker, and Goldust. This was pretty great.

Then we got a Jerry Lynn hype video, and nobody cared.

Doink came out, to something I can barely describe as music, for a match with Barry Horowitz. It lasted all of 2 minutes before Doink beat Horowitz down with a chair and crouched ranting over his body. I couldn't catch much, but I think he mentioned a gathering. Nobody really liked the match or promo too much.

After that, we saw a hype video: Dave Taylor and The Ultimate Warrior visit a Rennaissance fair. They excel in axe-throwing and jousting, walk on hot coals, and enjoy giant turkey legs. During the jousing scene, we can see that Warrior's armor has tassels on the arms. Dave Taylor: A Real Man's Man. Fun video.

Following that, Bradshaw beat Aldo Montoya in a heatless match, and called Tom Pritchard out for a match at MITB since he's already beaten him by countout. The promo was a little better than the match.

Then Marc Mero beat Playboy Jim Powers to earn a spot in the MITB match and Tom Pritchard beat Cuddly Chris Daniels to retain the IC Title, both relatively heatless and dull.

Skunkrocker cut a boring but short promo about possibly killing 123 Kid and ending his WWF career before beating Sugah Shane Helms with the Stink Bomb in a marginally better match.

Sid then beat Scott Taylor in a marked improvement on the previous match.

After, TMPT cut a promo on the Gunns and Dudleyz.

Austin: "The Dudley Boyz seem to think rules don't apply to them, not only in the ring, but out of it. They. Lost. Period. They. Do. Not. Get. Another. Chance. And that's the bottom line."

Hunter: "We already have a match at Money In The Bank against the Gunns. Maybe they could fight Road Rage if they're so desperate for opponents. I'd like to see that stunning matchup. HA!"

Dudleyz came out to respond: "You know, you may not have heard of it, but we got a little thing in the ol' E C Dubya called the Three Way Dance. How about it, two on two on two? Or do ya think that the Gunns and the Dudleys are so drat good, you couldn't possibly take us both at once?"
Hunter: "OH THAT'S IT, YOU INSOLENT LITTLE WHELP, YOU'RE ON! IT'S A THREE WAY DANCE FOR THE TAG TEAM TITLES, AND WHEN WE SHOW YOU WHERE THE POWER LIES, YOU WON'T DREAM OF TALKING GUFF LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!"
This wasn't super, but Dutch was a big help to D-Von.

Then there was a Goldust and Taker skit: GoldustEye, a Shattered Dreams production. Undertaker as Bond and Goldust as Trevelyan fight their way through the nuclear facility. Next scene is the scene by the train tracks with Goldust as Natalya trying to kiss Undertaker. Spoof of the final scene in the satellite cradle, but rather than them hanging off the cradle, the briefcase is, and they are climbing a tall ladder to reach it. Taker grabs Goldust as he is reaching for it. "For England, Taker?" "No... For the title."

GOLDUST AND UNDERTAKER WILL RETURN IN MONEY IN THE BANK
Very fun.

Then Yokozuna and Jushin Liger beat the Two Man Power Trip by disqualification after Kaientai attacked them. Mr. Fuji cut a promo after telling Yoko he'd be facing Hakushi at Money In The Bank. Neither the match or promo were very good, the flow of the match was really thrown off by Yoko not being very involved in the match(cuz he's super fat) and the promo probably just stunk.

The main event had HBK, Jericho, and Piper beat Mankind, Taker, and Goldust when Jericho reversed the Mandible Claw into a Codebreaker. The match really wasn't served by the commentary. After, they brawled until security had to pull them apart, as seems to be de rigeur for WWF these days.

All in all, a B-. A lot of poo poo in the undercard, but the main was solid as a rock.

I Before E fucked around with this message at 14:07 on Jan 14, 2014

# ? Jan 14, 2014 05:52

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > LP TEW13: WWF vs. WCW mk. 2 - Rad Buffaloes and Wraps

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