Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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Fat Lowtax: Nov 9, 2008; "I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a big anime titty"

I wonder if there is some latent sizeism and racism going on with Jozy.

"He's a big strong black lad, he can take the punishment," meanwhile if you are Hazard or Silva or Cazorla, a gentle breeze gets you a penalty call.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 18:56

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# ? May 12, 2024 14:07

The Mash: Feb 17, 2007; You have to say I can open my presents

Ho Chi Meeeeee posted:

Reminder that this was written about a 24 year old:

http://espnfc.com/blog/_/name/thescoutsnotebook/id/984?cc=5901

nevermind it appears to have been deleted..

quote:

England hasn't been kind to Jozy Altidore.

In his second stint in the Premier League, the U.S. international has exactly one goal in 18 appearances for Sunderland. This comes after a season where Altidore dominated in Holland, scoring 31 goals in all competitions for AZ Alkmaar. It was thought that Altidore made huge strides since his initial stint in the Prem, where he scored only one goal in 28 games for Hull, but so far the results suggest otherwise.

If Altidore doesn't improve his tally in 2014, he may have to search for his eighth team in eight years. But are the 24-year-old's performances completely his fault?

Similar to the situation at Hull, Sunderland finds itself in a relegation battle, currently sitting in 19th place with 18 points in 21 matches. Altidore hasn't had the chances that a striker on a decent or good team gets and is struggling to find a rhythm in the Black Cats' inconsistent offense. And that could be behind some of his missed sitters that have many shaking their heads.

To get an assessment of Altidore's performances so far, ESPN FC reached out to a scout who is currently employed by a Champions League club in one of Europe's top leagues (England, Italy or France). The scout was willing to submit an honest evaluation of Altidore as long as his identity wasn't revealed due to potential club tampering issues.

Here is his evaluation of Altidore:

Ian Horrocks/Getty Images
Jozy Altidore hasn't found his scoring touch at Sunderland.
Strengths:

Altidore proved last season that he is more than capable of scoring goals at a high level. His 23 goals in the Eredivisie in his final year at AZ helped take his career to the next level and earned him a move back to the Premier League with Sunderland.

Those familiar with the American will know his physical attributes must be mentioned when discussing his strengths. He's fast, strong, agile and powerful. Despite being gifted naturally physically, he struggled a bit with the physical aspect of the Premier League during his first stint in England at Hull City. However, he's learned how to use his body much better over the past four years. He will always give defenders that difficult physical aspect of the game to think about.

Despite his lack of goals this season in England, he's actually become a much better finisher over the past couple of years. U.S. national team fans will have noticed a difference, especially in the latter portion of last year, where Altidore was getting himself in better positions and putting opportunities that he may have missed in years past away. He's become much calmer in the final third when given the ball in goal-scoring areas.

Tactically, he's become better at playing in various systems and has shown he is capable of playing alongside another striker in a 4-4-2 or on his own in a 4-5-1.

Weaknesses:

Technically speaking, Altidore sometimes struggles when the game gets very quick and he's forced to play in tight areas. His first touch, especially when his back is to goal, leaves a bit to be desired and can often lead to frustration from himself as well as his teammates who look to their target man to hold up the ball.

Though Sunderland have a handful of issues that need addressing this year, Altidore hasn't done enough off the ball to cause enough of a threat, either. Some will argue that he hasn't received the service a striker needs in order to be at his best, which is certainly valid at times, but in the Premier League, Altidore now finds himself against much more intelligent defenders who are able to read him easier than those in Holland. He needs to do a better job of creating chances for himself.

That inability stems from a slight lack of awareness and intelligence at times of where he needs to be and when he needs to be there. He managed in Holland and has shown with the U.S. that he is capable of scoring regularly, but the Premier League is an animal of its own and he'll have to learn how to fool defenders off the ball before he'll start to see results on it.

Christian Hofer/Getty Images
The jury is still out on whether or not Jozy Altidore's subpar performances at Sunderland will affect his U.S. national team performances.
Why he'll make it:

It isn't a question of whether or not Altidore will make it now. As stated, he dominated the Eredivisie last year and finished last season with 31 goals in all competitions for AZ Alkmaar. He's capable of scoring goals at the professional level, but just how high he can go and be effective is the question.

At 24 years old, he'll want to establish himself as a consistent goal scorer, and the only place he's been able to do that since moving to Europe in 2008 is in Holland. He's also had stints in Spain, Turkey, England but has only enjoyed real success in Holland.

Yes, all players want to challenge themselves and play at the highest level possible, but he was certainly doing himself and his club teammates much more justice playing at a level below the Premier League in Holland last season.

Maybe he should've considered joining a contending team in a league slightly below England, like a Ligue 1 or the Bundesliga. That being said, managers will always take a chance on a player who has such exceptional physical qualities as Altidore. I'm sure he'll get back to his scoring ways soon enough, but I don't think it'll be at Sunderland.

Why he won�t make it:

Like many players who earn a bit of notoriety at a young age, Altidore will have to be mentally strong to continue to want to improve and seek out the next challenge. At 24, he's nearly spent six years abroad already and played for seven teams including the New York Red Bulls in Major League Soccer, where he got his start.

Can he overcome the ups and downs of the life of a footballer and in particular that of a striker? How he reacts to the first half of this season will be vital.

Alex Livesey/FIFA/Getty Images
Similar playing style: Emile Heskey

Heskey was never a particularly prolific goal scorer in the Premier League, but he did a job and was able to do it well. Like Altidore, Heskey, who now plays in Australia, was a strong and powerful frontman during his time in England.

He was able to bring others into play -- something Altidore has shown he is capable of doing (think Sunderland versus Newcastle) but needs to do more of -- and always gave defenders a difficult time just because of his work ethic and sheer size.

Heskey was able to score goals of all types, demonstrating his incredible power but also a bit of poise. Altidore has shown he is capable of powering through defenses as if they aren't there, but he has also shown that he has the delicate ability to curl a free kick over a stranded wall.

Rate this out of 5 for each:

Dribbling: 3
Finishing: 3
First touch: 3
Passing and vision: 3
Speed: 4
Aerial ability: 5
Strength: 5
Injury: 3 (where 1 means he gets injured a lot and 5 means he's always fit)
Maturity: 3
Defense (marking, tackling): 4
Score: 36 out of 50

Potential score: 37

Ratings meter:
0-10: Not even NASL level
10-15: Average NASL player
15-20: MLS role player
20-25: MLS starter
25-30: MLS All-Star
30-35: Starter on mid-, low-table EPL side or role player on top team
35-40: A solid starter on a top EPL club
40-45: A legit star player
45-50: Messi, Ronaldo

# ? Mar 22, 2014 19:59

The Mash: Feb 17, 2007; You have to say I can open my presents

And here's the chart

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:00

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

36 out of 50

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:01

jyrka: Jan 21, 2005; Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

A solid starter on a top EPL club

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:02

The Mash: Feb 17, 2007; You have to say I can open my presents

Pissflaps posted:

36 out of 50

They're delusional OP

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:02

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

Passing and vision: 3

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:03

Thrifting Day!: Nov 25, 2006

speed: 4

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:06

Dunban: Jul 4, 2012; OH MY GOD GLOVER

"one of Europe's top leagues (England, Italy or France)"

Hmm

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:10

Thrifting Day!: Nov 25, 2006

i think they meant holland

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:11

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

lol comparisons between heskey and altidore are literally based on nothing except the colour of their skin

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:13

cadfael: Nov 7, 2010

Pissflaps posted:

Passing and vision: 3

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:14

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

Heskey was a great striker in his time and one of the best Target Men to play the game during that purple patch of his.

Altidore isnt fit to wipe the mud off his boots.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:14

cadfael: Nov 7, 2010

First touch: 3

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:14

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

Someone make a youtube compilation of all jozy's touches in that match. I bet it doesnt last more than a minute and 90% of them are the ball bouncing miles off his chest.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:15

Bland: Aug 31, 2008; Winner Of The TRP I dont actually remember the contest im pretty high right now here's your venkys tag

jyrka posted:

There are mental fans and literal stalkers of Korean footballer Ki Sung-Yueng on Sunderland message boards as well.

She's great I wish she posted here

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:49

TheBigAristotle: Feb 8, 2007; I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money.
I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.; Grimey Drawer

Dribbling: 3
Finishing: 3
First touch: 3
Passing and vision: 3

Still, he's a solid starting striker on an EPL club

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:50

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

cadfael posted:

First touch: 3

When did you become a jozy knocker?

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:50

The Mash: Feb 17, 2007; You have to say I can open my presents

Pissflaps posted:

When did you become a jozy knocker?

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it ok

# ? Mar 22, 2014 20:53

Mean Bean Machine: May 9, 2008; Only when I breathe.

quote:

25-30: MLS All-Star
30-35: Starter on mid-, low-table EPL side or role player on top team
35-40: A solid starter on a top EPL club
40-45: A legit star player
45-50: Messi, Ronaldo

Yes, this is how all top notch professional scouts rate players.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:04

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

I love, love, love, love, LOVE that Sunderland signed Jozy

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:05

Ho Chi Meeeeee: Jun 13, 2008; let me shovel out your brains
hang my image in your skull
so I can be the vision
in your nightmares from now on

Jose posted:

I love, love, love, love, LOVE that Sunderland signed Jozy

Same here.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:09

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

I wonder where Jozy will end up next and how much he will cost?

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:09

Andre Le Fuckface: Oct 4, 2008

Pissflaps posted:

I wonder where Jozy will end up next and how much he will cost?

I hear Guardiola is looking at a �69m bid and he'll finally get the service he deserves

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:16

Ho Chi Meeeeee: Jun 13, 2008; let me shovel out your brains
hang my image in your skull
so I can be the vision
in your nightmares from now on

Pissflaps posted:

I wonder where Jozy will end up next and how much he will cost?

Hopefully at 'Boro tbh

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:17

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

Ho Chi Meeeeee posted:

Hopefully at 'Boro tbh

i dont think he'd do any better in the championship

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:18

jyrka: Jan 21, 2005; Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

According to that scouting report article his future fee would be $10.5-11M.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:19

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

jyrka posted:

According to that scouting report article his future fee would be $10.5-11M.

This makes sense.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:21

jesus WEP: Oct 17, 2004

It will be somewhere between £10.50 and £11M, I agree

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:24

The Mash: Feb 17, 2007; You have to say I can open my presents

St Evan Echoes posted:

It will be somewhere between £10.50 and £11M, I agree

*quietly withdraws offer of �5.50*

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:25

jyrka: Jan 21, 2005; Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

I read bigsoccer for the first time ever, a lot of good stuff about today's game:

quote:

You guys wanna know how bad they are playing today? Through 30 minutes, Colback has 8 non-defensive touches. A central midfielder. Eight.

quote:

Sunderland's D is pretty meh but holy crap at that goal.

quote:

The color commentator tries meekly to blame it all on Altidore. Because he is frustrating the rest of the Sunderland players. Hilarious.

quote:

The announcer just said that Altidore's teammates should be mad at him for doing nothing. Hello Mr. Crooked Teeth, Altidore hasn't touched the ball once within ten yards of the box. What do you expect from him? Should he play all eleven positions on the field?

quote:

Commentator bemoaning Jozy. JA can't hold onto the ball or bring the midfield into the play. Have you seen the Sunderland midfield?

quote:

I don't know if there is a striker in the world that would make this team much better. Maybe a world class striker would help a little bit, but when you have that little quality around you, a world class CF isn't likely to make a difference. The team needs quality in almost every position. Its impossible for a CF to be the solution with this little talent on the field around him.

quote:

Actually, JozyBradley is basically saying what the BBC - Newcastle commentator said during the game. Gary Bennett seems to have developed true hatred of Altidore, and he's been campaigning for a while to get him benched and sold. Actually, what Benno says of him is a lot worse, now that I think about it.

If anyone wants to sample, tune in to BBC-Newscastle during the games, here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/player/bbc_radio_newcastle

PS: Must admit at times they do come across as bigotedly anti-American.

Love the delusion. Love the Americanisms.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:44

Feels Villeneuve: Oct 7, 2007; Setter is Better.

JozyBradley.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:47

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

I realise it would never happen but I'd like to see all these delusional Jozy fans watch some other relegation form teams to see that they aren't always shite and the team generally play as a team

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:49

Bland: Aug 31, 2008; Winner Of The TRP I dont actually remember the contest im pretty high right now here's your venkys tag

quote:

I don't know if there is a striker in the world that would make this team much better. Maybe a world class striker would help a little bit, but when you have that little quality around you, a world class CF isn't likely to make a difference. The team needs quality in almost every position. Its impossible for a CF to be the solution with this little talent on the field around him.

It's funny that this is actually the exact opposite of reality and Sunderland have been carried by their strikers since they got promoted. Our defence has always been poo poo, our midfield has essentially always been poo poo but the likes of Jones, Bent, Gyan, Sessegnon, Fletcher have just barely kept us going.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:50

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

I refuse to believe Jones helped. He's proper shite too

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:52

Bland: Aug 31, 2008; Winner Of The TRP I dont actually remember the contest im pretty high right now here's your venkys tag

He is shite but he had a good season when we came up

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:53

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Bland posted:

He is shite but he had a good season when we came up

How good is "good"?

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:54

Bland: Aug 31, 2008; Winner Of The TRP I dont actually remember the contest im pretty high right now here's your venkys tag

Jose posted:

How good is "good"?

Good enough to score goals with the likes of Liam Miller, Dean Whitehead, Grant Leadbitter and Keiran Richardson behind him

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:55

Ponce de Le0n: Jul 6, 2008; Father jailed for beating 3 kids after they wouldn't say who farted in his car

Pissflaps posted:

I wonder where Jozy will end up next and how much he will cost?

Barcelona probably any sane club can see he will bang goals in if he goes to a team with a world class midfield. jozy is not to blame here.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:56

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# ? May 12, 2024 14:07

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

Ponce de Le0n posted:

jozy is not to blame here.

# ? Mar 22, 2014 21:58

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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