Hat Thoughts posted:

It's got like 4 ELO songs in it, objectively good.

s1ckly dW33b posted:

ArfJason posted:

me in dark hallway, a silhouette approaches: Twisty... is that, oh my god, is that you!?
twisty: the twisty you know *holds up kitchen lighter, flame illuminating his mime makeup* is dead...

Triticum Guzzler posted:

WE've all seen them out of the corner of our eyes when pretending not to be gay in dentist's waiting rooms, HIV clinics, and the like: glossy magazines. If there's one thing we all want to be, it's a celebrity power couple, and if there's one thing we all want to do, it's shoot one half of the power couple to death on the toilet as a last and final means of escaping their endless nagging. where celebrities lead, the rest of us follow, and FYAD Magazine has tipped Brutally Slaughtering Your Significant Other as the hot new valentine's day trend. So don't get left behind, here's a list of inspirational ideas to help you plan the perfect way to romantically kill but technically not murder the one you love next year.



1. Lethal Weapon

Did you fall for a film buff? There are many lethal weapons, powerful guns that penetrate through toilet doors, the first one, the second one, knives, stabbing weapons, the one with the girl, and the one with the chinese guy that nobody watched or enjoyed. Plant a pressure sensitive bomb on your toilet as a knowing nod to that one bit in Lethal Weapon. Not only will she love that you thoughtfully included her hobby into her visceral death and killed her in the bathroom as is the fashion, but it carries the lesser charge of Death by Good poo poo from the 80's, you'll be out in 2 years on good behaviour. Additionally, gently caress the CHinese.

2. The Négligée

A négligée is not just a small piece of cloth that gives you a boner some times, it is also part of the word negligent, which is how lawyers say retarded. Oscar Pistorius is only physically retarded, and only physically retarded below the knees, so he will still go to jail. However, if you are or can pretend to be actually retarded (brain way) you can murder your lover in pretty much any way you can think of, bazookas, grenade launchers, nothing is off the table. And for your crime they'll put you in a kind of group home for retards, where you can win at the card games much easier if you were only pretending. This is a paid advertisement on behalf of Stomper & Stomper associates.

3. Crime of Passion

This actually means a sort of thing in like France or Italy or something where it's ok to kill women under certain circumstances, but in this instance it's a double entree, which means "to eat twice". Shoot your partner to death while you gently caress. You can also do this in the toilet if you want, but you don't have to.

4. Say it with Flowers

You can easily hide a shotgun in a box of flowers. Women are particularly fond of red roses and buckshot.

5. An Indecent Proposal

Does your home have a balcony? As you get down on one knee, she will never expect a devastating uppercut technique, which has the added bonus of performing the pit stage fatality.

Reader's Suggestions

Master Baker in North Carolina
If you have a middle aged Japanese e-mail girlfriend, there are many ways to kill her in an indirect sort of manner. I deeply regret this, however I would like to take this opportunity to tell your readers about the Lord God and Japanese Sentai shows, which are the forebearer of the popular "Power Rangers" TV show. In actual fact [in the interests of brevity let's just say that this guy is a huge fag, lol -Ed.]

Hut Hut Hutter in The Deep South
I'm not gay anymore because I was forced to marry a fat latina by my church, however you should also know that it's possible and perfectly acceptable in this day and age for men to kill men on valentine's day.

WeaponGradeSadness posted:

Greetings, all: I also have opinions on which episodes of a stupid sci-fi children's show are good or not.

spog posted:

Here's why:

Volume posted:

That explains nothing. Who is he?

Calaveron posted:

What, you're not some awful sperg who is intimately familiar with the cast and crew of a children's show's fetishes and sexual/psychological hang ups?

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Quote thread rules:

1. Don't poo poo up the thread.
2. Don't poo poo up the goddamn thread.
3. Post forums quotes.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

WindmillSlayer posted:

Your a stupid idiot

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Uhhh it looks like you're making GBS threads up the thread... can't you freakin' read?? dumbass

Hat Thoughts posted:

Nig nog tryna get a hand beezy

WET BUTT posted:

i was kicked out of college when they asked me what were my top 5 things i did during summer and i just listed each letter of "dr who" numbered separatelly

Hat Thoughts posted:

Nig nog tryna get a hand beezy

tehloki posted:

[holding knees while rocking back and forth] children's show, children's show, it's only a children's show, it can't get me if I keep saying it's a children's show

GelatinSkeleton posted:

when did you start posting again?

Cacafuego posted:

Unban I.N.R.I. tia

spookygonk posted:

Breetai posted:

"Loss" edits are just getting too abstract for me.

ANIME MONSTROSITY posted:

What is ? Is it supposed to be an rear end?

Flash Gordon Ramsay posted:

Not just any rear end,

edit: Are you the the last person on the internet who has never seen goatse? An occasion like this calls for a lemon party.

Flash Gordon Ramsay posted:

Not just any rear end,

edit: Are you the the last person on the internet who has never seen goatse? An occasion like this calls for a lemon party.

Call Now posted:

how does a guy like that even get married?

Benito Hitlerstalin posted:

?????

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

true detective is an eight hour narration of a "dear john" letter addressed to the deep south

no they will not posted:

Wings. Bats have them, birds have them. It's not like they're vestigial, either, because bats are fully capable of flight. This seems pretty cut and dry to me but I've seen a lot of people posting otherwise.

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Am bird, can confirm.

England Sucks posted:

What happened is not sad. It's not depressing. It's not even heartbreaking.

It's absolute wretchedness. A despondent cry of the tortured and tormented masses.

England; by far one of the greatest forced of evil in the history of the world. A nation whose entire history involves invasion and genocide of all native peoples; whose entire modus operandi and identity is destruction, massacre, and subjugation of all free nations; done in the name of a handful bloodthirsty and incestous elites who have reigned roughshod over the actual citizens of said country (who in fact make up a very small amount of those they actually rule over) who have been brainwashed, indoctrinated, and tortured by a all-powerful apostate Church to accept the amazing "revelation" of these rulers God given power to act like the demonic beasts described in the very bible they worship.

The people of Scotland have been subjugated for hundreds and hundreds of years, their native tribes all but eliminated by the dominant British bastard rulers who used jus primae noctis to systematically rape million of Scotswomen and keep the Scottish Natives as a constant Minority. Sadder still is how brainwashed the native sons of these tribes have become, thinking that their own subjugators can somehow be their equals, friend, or can be forgiven for the terrors that the English carried out among their ancestors for hundreds upon hundreds of years.

If African Americans, Latin Americans, Ukrainians, Koreans, and the Chinese can not look past this there is no good reason the people of Scotland should. To do so would wipe all memory of what the English owe the Scotts. There should be anger in the mind of all Scotts tonight. A just a righteous anger against all English peoples and especially the crown.

I know and trust the Scottish people. They are better than the English. They are not responsible for killing millions of Irish by ignoring a famine in a act of defacto genocide. They are not responsible for conquering, enslaving, and murdering billions of peoples from the Americas to India, China and beyond.

The Scottish People stood up tonight against the legacy of brutality that is that of England and the Crown. That fight must continue in any way that is necessary. All True Scotts should know that England must pay once and all for the sins and crimes she has committed against her fellow nations. They must not rest until restitution is made to all peoples for these crimes and for the crimes against the Scottish people.

The fires have been lit and the night is not over for Scotland! If they continue to fight one day they will see all these wretched scum at the guillotines! Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité!

Regarde Aduck posted:

Oh yeah we should be happy they tried to split the country up. Do you ever think about the other side? It's no surprise because the media didn't give a gently caress what the average English, Welsh or Northern Irelander thought either. Exactly why the gently caress should anyone, especially English northerners, be happy that they tried to leave them under a permanent Tory majority? This was a Scottish issue and the Scottish got to vote. That's fine. But I don't want fuckwits like you making out that only the Scottish had anything to lose. Maybe now they can help the rest of us get rid of the Tories next election? It'll be a start. Of course maybe they'll just vote them back in out of spite.

As you're not actually from the UK you are aware that Scotland still has free higher education and other things like no charge on prescriptions that England doesn't have. Quite why the Scottish tried to break away when it should be the English having an internal rebellion and murdering every Tory is something I still don't understand. It's the English and Welsh that will have their NHS and educations ruined by Westminister.

So yeah, it might be ugly. Because people were scared. Our country could have been broken up tonight. How often does that happen in the western world? And for a lot of people who didn't vote Tory, who don't agree with Tory policies but believe in being a strong nation, we nearly lost our future. A lot of Scottish people just lost theirs I guess. But why were they more important than the rest of the UK? And why was the vote ever 50%? For something like this it should have been 70%. By making the threshold 50% it just insures you have a split nation whoever "wins". Like a lot of English the amount of Scottish that want to break away is actually a surprise because other than the eternal "friendly" ribbing between the two cultures I didn't think they hated us that much. But apparently they do.

So the NO side winning doesn't make me happy at all really. Because nearly 50% of Scotland still hates us that much they wanted to break away. What's to loving celebrate? If NO truly does win I will be relieved but that's it. Mainly i'm angry and confused. I wish I could have an omnipotent view of every YES voter to see why they voted yes. How many are just doing it to be free of the Tories forever (the purest answer)? How many because of weird vague hipster bigotry? How many because they saw someone being nasty on twitter (the Murray option)? How many because they thought Scotland was going to become some new socialist paradise like Norway and Sweden? Only if I could see these numbers could I ever really understand what nearly happened, and might still happen, tonight.

I don't know Scotland. Maybe try talking to more English people? Or do you really think our cultures are just that incompatible. Pretty sure when I visited Scotland it was just like England only with nicer accents. Dr who was still on the tv and there were Mcdonalds every 20 miles.

This has been a most tiresome miserable load of horseshit and my "side" won. gently caress you.

Pro Target posted:

im 600 pounds. all gut and proud. while you losers pump weights, i get fed, get plump, and live the good life. whats the point of working out hwen i can gently caress whenever i want due to my extreme power and influence? Pretty drat pathetic

Pro Target posted:

Guess what. the future is metaverses. Second life, NuPlace, CyberWorld. Get it through your thick sculls, Muscles don't mean jack poo poo when you can buy em for 500 linden dollars and make your avatar as jacked as youd ever want

Pro Target posted:

Want to know how many reps I can do? Its the new millenium, so I'll do 2000 this morning. In second life, it literally doesnt matter how many you do. you'll never be tired. I set my avatar to do 2000 reps just now but he coudl do infinity if he wanted. Meanwhile, im alt tabbed, browsing newsgroups, getting the latest info. Soon though, I'll be loving

Pro Target posted:

Good lord, is your body still analog? Cishumanism is a plaguethats been halting evolution for too long. I talked to my friend ray kurzweil. He said that his muscles are atrophying, and I let him know mine are too. WIth all the new tech coming out, second life, oculus rift, living in the new metaverse has never been easier. we decided to move in together and we never get anything done. We pleasure eachothers avatars 95% of the time, and the other 5% we're sleeping

Pro Target posted:

Me and Ray were hanging out in the Mang Cave (our name for the dual cyberpods we made), but in actuality we were inhabiting another world. I buy and sell land in second life, and am a virtual millionaire. My output is nearly 100% serbian, best conversion is to serbian and all the moguls know it. Theres millionaires youve never heard of, making it big right now on virtual real estate. Rest assured, you'll know their names when your idiotic musclebound frames lurch into the new reality lookin' to buy a plot of your own. Too late, tehy're all gone

Business Gorillas posted:

Let me say first and foremost that yes, I have a micropenis. I've heard it all before, so if you want to troll me go ahead. Just know that by doing so you're only proving yourself to be a child.

Ever since I was a boy, I've felt something was wrong with me. I was told by my parents that there was nothing wrong with my body, but every once in a while I'd sneak a peek at the bathrooms or in the showers at school and I knew that I was a little... lacking in some departments compared to the other guys. I never really knew the gravity of my situation until high school when I started dating. My first girlfriend, we'll call her Susan, was great. When things got physical, I tried to change the mood, constantly afraid that she'd make fun of me. Eventually, my hormones got the better of me and at first, she seemed pretty okay with my body. When I got to school the next day, however, I started getting weird looks in the hallway. It was a little something here or there at first but as gossip does, the taunting and jeering got more and more intense. I started struggling with depression and anxiety attacks so bad that my parents thought it best that I transferred to a private school.

Eight years later and I'm now my own man. I'm successful at my job and I have a still blossoming social life (I have had difficulty with making connections ever since high school). However, I'm noticing something lacking in my life. Knowing that I'll never be able to handle the stress of a relationship and never being able to find a woman who wasn't all about sex, I resigned myself to my loneliness and decided to buy a fleshlight. The process of buying my pink lady fleshlight was humiliating in and of itself, but the first night I tried it and I'm not feeling an ounce of stimulation. It was, as they say, a "hot dog down a hallway" situation.

I appreciate the good works that the fleshlight company does, but I'm wondering if there's been any research and/or development into making a fleshlight for those of us who are less endowed than the average man? Its humiliating enough that I can't please a regular woman, but I'm completely unable to pleasure myself with a synthetic "woman" as well.

Volume posted:

what the... posted: