Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens - Choose Your Own Adventure

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > The Game Room > Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens - Choose Your Own Adventure

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Razakai: Sep 15, 2007; People are afraid
To merge on the freeway
Disappear here

HiHo ChiRho posted:

this is our generation's we don't need to breathegate

do we get a sweet achievement if we go crazy and eat asherah?

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:24

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 19:28

Sogol: Apr 11, 2013; Galileo's Finger

E- Secure the Temple. (didn't get to see the cheat code)

Sogol posted:

I volunteer to represent team boredom. Luckily, this comment will be ignored.

Our platform is to take the safest possible option available. Always. No matter what else might be interesting, we will just always, always make the same boring choice. Our belief is that we have been incarnated into a Hobbsian world wherein life is 'short, mean, and brutish'. Danger is abundant. Apparently all we have to do is sit still someplace. To vote the Boring platform it is not necessary to believe in such theological fineries, you need only always vote the boring option.

According to this excellent meter I am the most radical voter by a long shot. Sadly, my attempts at the Boring platform have failed altogether via such delightful vignettes as Snarlsgate, etc. The meter also places me as more orthodox than Team El. Make it a circle where I am sitting next to Slaan and that will be closer.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:24

OrangeOrbit: Apr 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Change from E funky bunch to B.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:26

Lanky Coconut Tree: Apr 7, 2011; An angry tree.

The angriest tree

Diogines posted:

You have no idea how to do this. You know how to anchor yourself(maybe?) to a small portion of your body. A foot, a part of a shin, a part of a foot.

This is the equivalent vote of voting I build the Bow of Esau!

You know what a bow is and you know of the fabled bow of Esau. You could make a crude bow on your own to hunt wild game, not even a great one. That knowledge is not sufficient to make the Bow of Esau.

The way the Capybaras see it, this is basically the same thing. You can try, expect to fail. What you want to do, if it is even possible is grossly, vastly beyond your knowledge and experience.

That's what you said about tackling a massive demon jackal!

And attacking the Zviv!

And holding the Temple at Ibleam!

And raiding the underground with Aaron!

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:28

JT Jag: Aug 30, 2009; #1 Jaguars Sunk Cost Fallacy-Haver

So hooking the souls is not feasible. One thing we could try is to exploit the fact that we are so bright to all the souls. Which brings me back around to my vote. Increase our brightness. Draw them in. Protect them from the pull to the west.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:29

Harvey Baldman: Jan 11, 2011; ATTORNEY AT LAW
Justice is bald, like an eagle, or Lady Liberty's docket.

Diogines posted:

You have no idea how to do this. You know how to anchor yourself(maybe?) to a small portion of your body. A foot, a part of a shin, a part of a foot.

This is the equivalent vote of voting I build the Bow of Esau!

You know what a bow is and you know of the fabled bow of Esau. You could make a crude bow on your own to hunt wild game, not even a great one. That knowledge is not sufficient to make the Bow of Esau.

The way the Capybaras see it, this is basically the same thing. You can try, expect to fail. What you want to do, if it is even possible is grossly, vastly beyond your knowledge and experience.

By analogy, I'd settle for a crude net with a lot of holes, then.

And these fish want to jump into the boat to avoid being eaten.

I'm just trying to come up with something feasible in the face of vote options that just continue sliding towards defeat. If it doesn't work, at least we took advantage of being in the right place to try.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:29

Grognan: Jan 23, 2007; by Fluffdaddy

Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

That's what you said about tackling a massive demon jackal!

And attacking the Zviv!

And holding the Temple at Ibleam!

And raiding the underground with Aaron!

He didn't say that about that poo poo, at all.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:30

Hot Dog Day 80: Jun 23, 2003

1. You....
~~E. Pull at them souls!~~

Just saw diogs post, guess I'll go with A then.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:34

Algid: Oct 10, 2007

D

I don't see a good write-in breaking 80% at this point and we just aren't going to fight our way out of this as we are (it was pretty obvious even before the last update).

Funky Bunch Wikia posted:

By analogy, I'd settle for a crude net with a lot of holes, then. And these fish want to jump into the boat to avoid being eaten.

I'm just trying to come up with something feasible in the face of vote options that just continue sliding towards defeat. If it doesn't work, at least we took advantage of being in the right place to try.

If we have to vote E and use magic, at least try to use something we've actually done before:

Diogines posted:

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:38

Tomn: Aug 23, 2007; And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands

Grognan posted:

He didn't say that about that poo poo, at all.

Yeah, those things were DIFFICULT - hypothetically we knew how to do them, we just didn't have the requisite strength (supposedly).

Here, we don't even really know where to begin, even if we had the power.

Speaking of not knowing where to begin, that's where I am now. Holding off on voting unless and until I come up with something clever that might work.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:39

Tax Inductions: Jul 9, 2007; I carry refreshments to the good guys
I made the good guys some home fries

Alright then, changing to A from FunkyBunch. Might as well get our action sequence in before the feces makes contact with jet engine.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:40

A RICH WHITE MAN: Jul 30, 2010; See them other chickenheads? They don't never leave the coop.

Diogines posted:

You voted more than once not to use unknown powers, arrow time or to experiment. You can override that with the support of 80 percent of the voters in a single vote, this is no different than the last ones on that issue.

please join me in :barf:

-posting every time this is brought up gentle goons

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:46

Aades: Nov 28, 2005; Guns Up!

Sogol posted:

E- Secure the Temple.

Voting this.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:47

OfChristandMen: Feb 14, 2006; GENERIC CANDY AVATAR #2

A RICH WHITE MAN posted:

please join me in -posting every time this is brought up gentle goons

Vote: B

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:48

Swedish Thaumocracy: Jul 11, 2006; Strength of >800 Men
Honor of 0; Grimey Drawer

I have no idea what happened, at least not yet. Only the vague rumours of the thread and IRC. Anyway, I said I was going to vote the smashiest option before after the turtles had been defeated and I am still going to do so now.

Give it all you've got, Enkidel. Heart full of El!
A.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:48

100 HOGS AGREE: Oct 13, 2007; Grimey Drawer

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:50

I ride bikes all day: Sep 10, 2007; I shitposted in the same thread for 2 years and all I got was this red text av. Ask me about my autism!; College Slice

Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

basscop im confused, am I greater than tomn / bularin or equal to bularin

if I'm equal i am very disappointed in you

We clearly can't be equal - I'm an evil non-contributor who should cut it out or I'm telling mom.

B

quote:

B. Accept Ishamal's offer. Resume your time as his student and he as your mentor. Do not use Ball-Trance, Arrow-Time or otherwise consciously "experiment" with unknown powers.

Let the spirits fall where they may. The Zepathan Protection Agency and Don Ishamal clearly know everything and have no self-interest other than loving everything and everyone, which is why we voted to trust their awesome direction. Our vow is sacrosanct.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:51

Tomn: Aug 23, 2007; And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands

Swedish Thaumocracy posted:

I have no idea what happened, at least not yet. Only the vague rumours of the thread and IRC. Anyway, I said I was going to vote the smashiest option before after the turtles had been defeated and I am still going to do so now.

It wasn't actually all that bad, honestly. It just wasn't all that good, either. Like most options are looking right now.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:52

Cornuto: Jun 26, 2012; For the pack!

I vote to do something that has an impact on the battle in some way. Which option is that?

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:54

Absum: May 28, 2013

A I guess, I wanna know what kind of horrible things happened in the wrong update.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:54

SerSpook: Feb 13, 2012

at this point it might actually be better to just run the gently caress away

i think our winning condition here was to take the spirits to the temple a few updates back

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:54

RandomPauI: Nov 24, 2006; Grimey Drawer

Changing vote from Funky to F: Go to the temple

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:56

Amazed: Dec 29, 2009

O geez, if only there was another time Asherah was actively vacuuming people into its gaping maw, and someone stepped in to release the said vacuumed people from asherahs grip...

quote:

The hunger continues to course through your very being, each and every one of your senses, yet you manage to clasp your hands over your ears and close your eyes as tight as possible.

Ishamal hangs beneath you by one arm as you soar through the night's sky, his other arm held straight up. Despite clasping your hands over your ears as hard as you can, you still hear-

BOOM

That was not Ishamal hitting you. That was thunder. Very, very close to you. You see flashes of a bright light, even through your closed eyes and your hands.

"EL HA ZIKARO"- You can feel Ishamal's words and you can certainly feel the clap of thunder very close to you in rapid succession, you shake slightly with each.

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

It has suddenly gotten very cold. You feel wind blowing about you in many directions now, more than simply the woosh of air due to your movement ahead. Your course seems to change slightly as a gust of air pushes you.

"SMYTHOS HA"- BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

You feel a sticky liquid coming out of your ears and dripping onto your hands.

BOOM BOOM BOOM

You are suddenly very wet and feel the rain pouring upon you.

"ELOHIM KOL HAOLOM, HA MELE"-

BOOM BOOM BOOM
A gust of wind forces one of your eyes open for a moment.

You appear to be inside of a storm cloud. In addition to immense hunger, you are also very dizzy and disoriented. It is now pitch black, except for Ishamal, who is now a man shaped figure made of glowing light, still hanging from you by one arm around your midsection, his other arm raised above you. He holds a finger up.

It is struck by lightning.

My e vote: Grab hold of one of the souls surrounding us, flip the bird at asherah, and roar out EL HA ZIKARO. SMYTHOS HA. ELOHIM KOL HAOLOM. AS THE TRUTH WE KNOW IT TO BE

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:57

Southpaugh: May 26, 2007; Smokey Bacon

I feel physically sick at this thread.

EL HA ZIKARO. SMYTHOS HA. ELOHIM KOL HAOLOM.

Edit: Not because of how people are voting but because I'm so worried about whats going to happen

Southpaugh fucked around with this message at 21:01 on Feb 9, 2015

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:58

Honorific!: Jul 5, 2007; Well played, Goonsire!

Funky Bunch Wikia posted:

Okay, here's a thought that is absolutely experimenting but might be feasible. Outside the box thinking might seriously help here, since yelling El ever-louder is not yielding any results here.

We've had some light training from Ishamal to be a soul anchor for our own soul - to prevent us from being detached from our own body. Throw all our effort into casting that net wide. The spirits are now all tethered to us. Believe it. The souls are fish upon the tides and we are the fisherman. Save them from the terror of the deep.

This might do nothing. This might start dragging Enkidel west if it works, which means we need to dig in. Or, in the best case scenario, we can halt the drift. We cannot let the demons feed.

Voting this, Plan Soul Net.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:58

Task Manager: Sep 5, 2008; A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.

SerSpook posted:

at this point it might actually be better to just run the gently caress away

i think our winning condition here was to take the spirits to the temple a few updates back

I think if anything people should remember what Diog had stated before - this is a world simulation, not an rpg with Enkidel as the hero.

We will find ourselves sometimes in unwinnable situations. Things are not scaled for our level in terms of difficulty.

There is a good chance Tanaach was going to fall regardless of our actions. Especially if Asherah actually rose from the depths.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:58

Zybourne Clock: Oct 25, 2011; Poke me.

We should accept the fact that there's nothing we can do for the fallen that doesn't involve using poorly understood abilities and adjust our goals accordingly. If the demon in the storm is trying to heal itself by consuming nearby souls, our priority is to keep as many of the still-living alive as we can so that the demon is denied further souls to heal itself with the next time it repeats its trick. The enemy can't be reasoned with and will fight to the death so the best strategy of keeping Tanaach alive is to route the opposing army as fast as possible.

Anything that isn't a vote to keep on fighting is a vote to do nothing.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 20:59

Algid: Oct 10, 2007

Amazed posted:

O geez, if only there was another time Asherah was actively vacuuming people into its gaping maw, and someone stepped in to release the said vacuumed people from asherahs grip...

My e vote: Grab hold of one of the souls surrounding us, flip the bird at asherah, and roar out EL HA ZIKARO. SMYTHOS HA. ELOHIM KOL HAOLOM. AS THE TRUTH WE KNOW IT TO BE

Alternatively, what Tudiya did the last time we saw someone burning up souls:

Diogines posted:

As Tudiya engages the last (orc?) you concentrate on holding your breath and pray silently to El.

Tudiya throws his head back and makes a... a sound? That is not an adequate way to describe what he has done. He does... something. You feel it in your bones and whatever component of it was sound is sound is entirely inadequate to describe what he has done.

Something has happened behind you and you feel a ripple of some sort move through the air, a wave of unseen force which glimmers only briefly in the air with hints of many different colors.

It crosses the field between the armies, cracking the earth beneath it races towards the last (orc?), which is now running towards Tudiya.

You feel the wave smack into some unseen force which you realize only now was there, surrounding the (orc?). The wave shatters this unseen force and the (orc?) falls backward as if struck with a great blow. Where it stumbles, the ground beneath it cracks opens and swallows the (orc?), then seals itself.

The six captive women floating in the air tumble and fall to the ground. The cloud of blood floating above them splashes into the dirt and onto the women. The amount of blood which has left their body... they are dead. No blue vapor leaves their bodies, they lay still, unbreathing.

The minotaurs bay and snort, they scratch at the dirt with their hoofs and it seems as if they may simply flee. There is... some force unseen moving among the minotaurs... something malevolent. You can almost swear you hear it whisper, as if you can hear it say... something on the very edge of your perception.

The minotaurs give a roar.

They charge.

Tudiya raises his spear into air and shouts Let None Escape Alive!

Several thousand men yell "EEEEEEEELLLLLLL!", raised their spears, their shields and charge.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:01

Tomn: Aug 23, 2007; And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands

You know what, it probably won't make much difference, but gently caress it.

E. Yell "I'll be right back!" and SPRINT over to the Temple of El at top speed. Once we get there, emergency sacrifice of four of our bronze arrows. Pray like the goddamn BLAZES.

Prayer's not much without something to back it up, and nobody can say the bronze arrows were easy to get. Leave one for Asherah.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:02

SerSpook: Feb 13, 2012

changing vote from soul net to C

get the gently caress outta dodge

i still support using soul net if it wins though

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:04

DarthRoblox: Nov 25, 2007; *rolls ankle* *gains 15lbs* *apologizes to TFLC* *rolls ankle*...

Okay, this is probably somewhat (very) heretical, but I want to E. Ask Merenial specifically, by name, to show mercy on these souls, making a pledge to do whatever if she helps. I think praying to El in general might be too broad when we need a specific action done - El seems to provide guidance/visions more than direct action. Hopefully by imploring to Merenial's core value, she might be willing to prevent the souls from what's probably the worst fate possible.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:07

Diogines: Dec 22, 2007; Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

Our game is designed in such a way so as to make meta-gaming impossible. The only rule we have is no using "modern" knowledge to your benefit. No bronze-age steam engines.

The only information you have is the information you have. Due to an error on my part, you have knowledge you would not otherwise have. And more than a few people are willing to use it now and voting to hedge off what they think is a probable immediate future which is certainly understandable but kind of disheartening. A number of votes saying to flat out run away now when your side seems to be clearly winning?

This presents a problem for me.

You saw the effect of praying. It did not appear to work.

A bunch of you saw the effect of fighting on the groind.... yeah.

Having events unfold counter to how you want them to go is unfair, you get to decide what to do. That is the basic rule of our game. I am not going to change that now. Whatever you vote for will happen.

People using knowledge they should not have is from my perspective, cheating. I feel like use of that knowledge taints whatever comes next. I screwed up, this is entirely my fault and I am entirely to blame, but this problem happened. The only way to fix it is to vote A. Which is why I would like A to win, but you do not have to vote for it.

Again, sorry. This is my fault and a pretty lovely mixup on my part.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:08

SerSpook: Feb 13, 2012

gently caress it changing my C vote to A for free knowledge for all

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:10

HiHo ChiRho: Oct 23, 2010

That's alot of words just to say "Vote A, shitlords" Diog.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:10

Lanky Coconut Tree: Apr 7, 2011; An angry tree.

The angriest tree

changing my vote to A

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:11

Dammerung: Oct 17, 2008; "Dang, that's hot."

Changing my vote to A.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:11

Harvey Baldman: Jan 11, 2011; ATTORNEY AT LAW
Justice is bald, like an eagle, or Lady Liberty's docket.

Out of curiosity, do we see any blue soul equivalent for the Fishmen, even faintly?

Harvey Baldman fucked around with this message at 21:22 on Feb 9, 2015

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:13

Task Manager: Sep 5, 2008; A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.

Fair enough. I'll vote for a.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:14

Althair: Jul 26, 2006; words are weapons

Changing my vote to A because when Dio, who has given years of entertainment asks, it's only polite to answer.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:14

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 19:28

SerSpook: Feb 13, 2012

A is actually a really cool result too so go for it folks, it'll be fun.

# ? Feb 9, 2015 21:15

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