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Bobbin Threadbare posted:Because submachine gun bullets will totally fit into a revolver. It's the caliber that matters, not what type of gun it goes it.
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Mar 9, 2015 00:03
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Elizabeth, you are so pretty. Also, I have x-ray vision. You now have cancer. Sorry.
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Mar 9, 2015 01:56
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M.Ciaster posted:Actually, yes If there was a Jack Orlando drinking game, I'm sure that you would have to finish the bottle every time they didn't gently caress up the logic.
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Mar 9, 2015 02:38
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corn in the bible posted:
What does she gain from this, again  ?
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Mar 9, 2015 18:02
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Azriel Odin posted:Did she help you escape by this point? Because from the looks of it, she hasn't, she waits until the dialog ends to help you. Meaning we're just assuming she's gonna help us, and we tell her it's going to be dangerous to do so, and she does it anyway... She was going to marry August, the guy who got killed in the drive-by. So she wants Jack to go catch the people responsible. But no, she doesn't give you the crowbar until the dialog's all done -- I guess he just assumes she's going to help him escape?
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Mar 9, 2015 18:08
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Whoever wrote that dialogue probably assumed she'd hand you the crowbar during the conversation. Once again, somehow that got hosed up in post.
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Mar 9, 2015 18:39
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PART 9 Jack Orlando has left the confines of the city and reached the harbor. This section of the game is much shorter, and much more bullshit, than the city. Though exactly why that is will not be clear until later. Music for this update: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DviUskk3g0s Down one of these alleyways, Jack runs across a large, locked gate.  Can't we just shoot the lock off? No. That'll make too much noise. It's a dead end, but we needed to come here because there is a nickel on the ground. Jack has plenty of money on him, but obviously only a nickel will work.  Down another alleyway, we find a homeless man. Jack Orlando is friend to all the hobos, so that's a welcome sight.  We need to say the exact right things to this person so that, later on, we can take his alcohol. There is no indication that what you have said is correct.  My liver needs a drink badly. And who are you that you want to drink with me? I think I heard wrong. Rum's my best friend. But I don't know you, see? Now I understand everything. You know how it is... Sure. Then sell me this bottle and buy yourself a new one. No, the bottle's not for sale. Now go, this blabber is making me tired. What is that supposed to mean? That exactly what I said.Since the hobo mentioned he's tired, he'll fall asleep later on. If you say different things to him, he won't! It's almost like a puzzle, right?  Unfortunately, Jack failed to get any booze from the city's homeless. He'll have to try a bar instead.  Let's order a beer.  First the beer, then the money. Either you pay first or you stay thirsty. This here is a sailor's bar and we live by other rules.Now, Jack has plenty of cash, of course, but the only thing to do is give up our shiny nickel. You might think a bartender could break a dollar, but then sailors live by other rules.  The bartender seems rightly shocked by Jack's unjustified anger. We take the beer, but it's not for Jack.   Don't need to be psychic to see that. Just by looking at you I can tell you're tired and thirsty. Am I right? That's right. Thanks, mate. I owe you.And we take his sausage.  Because our hero has a piece of meat, any adventure game veteran knows exactly what's coming:  At least it's not a newspaper and a keyhole, I guess.  What was the dog guarding that is so important?  Some wire cutters. That's it.   Why is olympic weightlifter in quotes? I don't understand. But yes, this is another classic adventure game puzzle. We need to oil this gate! How did people get into the warehouse if the gate is rusted shut? Who cares, it's a puzzle. The oil is next to the hobo, and I could have grabbed it before, but I wanted to show something off:    This is the next section of the harbor. But going through that door triggered something somewhere else:  He's asleep now.  Jack Orlando, ace detective. Stay tuned for the next update, which will cover the warehouse. Stealth sections are always a good design choice, so that'll be something to look forwards to. 
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Mar 13, 2015 04:45
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I cannot stop laughing at the animated GIF of him slugging a guy off his barstool for no goddamn reason. it gets me every drat time.corn in the bible posted:I don't understand Jack_Orlando.txt
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Mar 13, 2015 05:35
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corn in the bible posted:
He's saying what we're all thinking.
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Mar 13, 2015 10:26
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Jobbo_Fett posted:It's the caliber that matters, not what type of gun it goes it. Great Joe fucked around with this message at 11:49 on Mar 13, 2015 |
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Mar 13, 2015 11:44
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Great Joe posted:Even then, the .45 ACP from that Tommy Gun doesn't go in any revolver of the period. M. Ciaster earlier in this thread pointed to the M1917 as a potential revolver that takes .45 ACP cartridges and could plausibly be used by a policeman around 1933. However, if this is supposed to be the revolver that Orlando got in that flashback, where it's described as a "Long Colt" (a different kind of .45 caliber bullet), then I dunno. If it's the same gun, then he may have gotten it before 1917, as he looks significantly younger. I don't know if they're compatible? Hyper Crab Tank fucked around with this message at 12:08 on Mar 13, 2015 |
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Mar 13, 2015 12:05
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The bullet proper from a .45 ACP is larger than the bullet from a .45 Long Colt, so I'm guessing they aren't.
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Mar 13, 2015 12:33
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Hyper Crab Tank posted:He's saying what we're all thinking.
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Mar 13, 2015 12:33
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corn in the bible posted:Jack Orlando, ace detective.
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Mar 13, 2015 13:38
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Great Joe posted:Even then, the .45 ACP from that Tommy Gun doesn't go in any revolver of the period. Two revolvers of that time had .45 ACP variants: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M1917_revolver http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colt_New_Service Although to be fair, it may not have been translated properly in the first place which has lead to the discrepancy 
Jobbo_Fett fucked around with this message at 21:55 on Mar 13, 2015 |
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Mar 13, 2015 21:50
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you MUST steal a rum from a sleeping hobo really???
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Mar 13, 2015 21:54
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Acne Rain posted:you MUST steal a rum from a sleeping hobo Where the hell else is Jack gonna get rum?
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Mar 13, 2015 21:59
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Acne Rain posted:you MUST steal a rum from a sleeping hobo
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Mar 13, 2015 22:10
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You know, I know what the opening cinematic showed and all, but... Are we SURE Jack isn't the murderer? I mean, even translation issues aside, he seems a touch... Jack Orlando, ACE DETECTIVE posted:
Unbalanced. Like, even for an adventure game protagonist.
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Mar 14, 2015 07:07
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He's perpetually drunk, points a gun at whatever, whenever he wants, and can barely form a coherent conversation. But despite all that, he has yet to actually kill anyone despite shooting his gun at random spots. I'm not sure whether to chalk that up to general incompetence or he's just a terrible drunkard.
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Mar 14, 2015 07:47
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He's pretty much the main character from Hotline Miami, far past his prime and tragically stuck in a completely different genre of videogame.
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Mar 14, 2015 08:31
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corn in the bible posted:Jack Orlando, ace detective.  
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Mar 14, 2015 14:14
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Acne Rain posted:you MUST steal a rum from a sleeping hobo Black Wombat posted:You know, I know what the opening cinematic showed and all, but... Jack just really, really hates the less-fortunate.
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Mar 14, 2015 14:35
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PART gently caress I didn't hate this game before, but now I do. I really do.  So Jack's in the harbor. And it turns out the harbor is loving bullshit.  There's only one way to go from the entrance; it leads here. That rope seems important, right? Let's pick it up.  Guess what? It's a goddamn stealth mission. The guard patrols left and right, and if he sees you it's game over. But he doesn't appear immediately -- instead, his arrival is timed just so that if you head towards the warehouse as soon as you get through the gate, you'll die. Also, while Jack usually walks around lightning-fast, in these areas he refuses to move quickly. Running is something normal people can do, Jack, you should try it! Jack hides behind some boxes for a while. Alcoholism really messes with your reflexes.    The guard can't see or hear you if you're behind him, so as long as you don't move past his current location you're safe. Let's try this again:  Success! Except, as I realized later, this item is completely pointless. It's labeled WIRE, and you need a WIRE to beat the game, but this is a different one. I guess giving them different names was too difficult.  The guard goes around the corner, meaning we're free to proceed. The warehouse doors aren't locked, and you're free to enter... but it's a trap! Surviving the warehouse is impossible without more items, so we have to keep going and then come back later. There's no wide angle overview of the scene from that side, either, so getting back here from the left is a crap-shoot. Game design's hard, yo.    Get out of here or they'll have to fish you out of the water tomorrow. My compliments, old man. Well put. The last guy who said that ended up as fish food.Ok. Remember that rum we stole from a hobo?  Well, I'll accept this bottle as your apology. I'm thrilled. But I still need a rope. A rope? Right. Exactly like this one here. Then take it. It's all yours.His rope is one of the two things we need in order to survive the warehouse. For the other, we have to solve a bullshit maze.    Would you have guessed that middle section was a fourth exit? I guess you're just not private dick material...   Boss, we gotta take somebody out here. Why you suddenly so pale? It's the smell. You stink. Such a big guy. Where am I gonna get such a big box. Don't just stand there, shake the lead out! What's wrong? Break out of your chains? Shut your mouth. I'll make mincemeat outta ya'. Oh, the guy from the Sunday School. Amen. You might have noticed one of the gangsters dropped a crowbar. There's a half-opened crate on the left side, there, too.  That wasn't to get anything from inside the crate, mind. It's just that wooden planks are worth their weight in gold in 1920s New York City, and this is the only one in existence. Continuing on from there, we come across this boat.  The obvious items sitting in the foreground there? Red herrings. Useless. I don't regret picking them up, though:  It sure ain't, Jack.  This is what the plank was for, by the way. I guess Jack Orlando can't swim? But, at last, here's what all that fuss was about :  Using the wrench from Frank's garage, Jack steals an anchor from this boat. That whole sequence of ridiculous events was all in aid of finding an anchor, and yet when you see what the anchor is for you'll realize it could have been literally any other object in the world. There's no reason for any of this! Whatever, let's go check out the warehouse.  By the way, you have to tell Orlando to pick up the door in order to get inside. Yes.  Here's the inside of the warehouse. Just pretend I put in pics of him picking up that hammer and climbing up to the exit, alright? Because it's time for the big reveal!  Yes! The man behind the conspiracy, who has been supplying the mob and corrupted the police force (apparently) is... a guy!  I'm very glad you're happy with our cooperation. The next delivery should be even bigger, so my customers'll be even happier than they are now. By the way, what's happening with the police? I've taken care of all critical matters. Tom Rogers, the inspector, is at your service. There's just one problem I couldn't take care of. Yeah, and what would that be? Some detective is on our trail. But I don't know who it is. You underestimate me, Major. The detective's name is Jack Orlando and I've got him locked up in the basement. When I get back I'm gonna make sure he never bothers us again.They keep talking for what feels like ages, but it's honestly not very interesting. Suffice to say, the Major is selling army guns to the mob. The police chief is also involved, which definitely explains why he sent Jack Orlando off to solve the case rather than simply keeping him locked up as a murder suspect. That's it. They leave, and Jack casually saunters over to the switch in the middle of the catwalk. He flips it.  Somehow this makes all the guards leave. I think they'd just given up by this point, frankly. To the roof!   next time, the long national nightmare ends. stay tuned.
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Mar 15, 2015 03:56
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Oh, man, it is satisfying to see Jack get plugged.
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Mar 15, 2015 04:44
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Jack's moment of noir detective badassery and he misses every single one of them at point black range. gently caress you Jack Orlando.
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Mar 15, 2015 04:54
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Roman Reigns posted:Jack's moment of noir detective badassery and he misses every single one of them at point black range. Jack Orlando has killed more hobos than criminals at this point.
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Mar 15, 2015 05:30
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ACTION!
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Mar 15, 2015 06:22
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5'ing this thread because more people need to experience the pinnacle of 90s  game design.
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Mar 15, 2015 07:47
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Man talk about a plothole, the Police Chief should have totally have just iced Jack the moment he got involved. It's not like anyone would miss him. 
Accordion Man fucked around with this message at 08:11 on Mar 15, 2015 |
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Mar 15, 2015 08:08
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Oh come on, I know this game isn't the pinnacle of masterful translation, but they could have at least avoided small mistakes like th- Yeah forget I said anything.
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Mar 15, 2015 09:06
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I can ain't all this. poo poo, this game is turning me into a badly translated tumblr user.
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Mar 15, 2015 15:27
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corn in the bible posted:Wolfenstein: The New Order, this is not.
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Mar 15, 2015 15:40
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CRISIS ON INFINITE ORLANDOS The final area of the game is a military base. You can't return to the city, so if you missed a necessary item then you're hosed. Thanks to my brilliant strategy of "using a walkthrough," however, that will not be happening. The base has some of the stupidest puzzles I have ever seen -- not impossible to solve, just utterly retarded. But you'll see all that later; right now, we need an axe from this truck:   Jack's free, but he can't go anywhere yet. There's something in one of these two screens that we need in order to explore the base fully -- can you find it, and figure out what it's for? I bet you can't, because I sure as poo poo couldn't!     Now Jack is able to unlock the second warehouse!    MUSIC FOR THIS UPDATE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7Hhv-fciDE After putting on his disguise, Jack automatically walks out the door.  The first puzzle in the military base was getting into the uniform warehouse. Puzzle number two will be getting into the uniform warehouse. However, we can now explore the base without being caught, which means no more bullshit stealth mechanics, so it's still better than the goddamn warehouse. How does one get access to a locked storeroom? Simple: find a ladle on the ground somewhere, that's step one:  I'd like to point out that Jack's inventory screen looks different when he's wearing the uniform. It's a nice little detail.  There's a chef on the base, and the ladle is probably his. Shooting gangsters is pretty tough, but fetch quests are Jack Orlando's specialty.   Thanks. With this ladle I can make dreams come true. That's OK. Maybe you can help me. Do you have the key for the dressing room. I can't find my keys right now. Isn't that what it's about, pal? The chef can't be threatened at gunpoint, since Jack left his gun in the dressing room. That's fine, though, he was helpful. After a quick visit to the uniform closet, again, Jack's got his inventory back, with the addition of some dogtags that were lying around in there. And thank god for that:  Though maybe this one is better:  For whatever reason, from now on Jack will ask every NPC about where he can find Colonel Williams. If you're wondering who that is, well, he hasn't been mentioned by anyone before. Jack just... knows who he is, through the magic of poor story plotting. But, as always, finding the criminals or evidence is not what you need to do right now. Naturally, what you really need to find is a bar.   He's in his office in the administration building. I can't find my pass card. Can you lend me yours? Well, of course.Dog tags successfully traded for pass card. That's actually the last item we need to complete the game! Moustache soldier was very helpful to the decrepit old drunkard who he's never seen before, but army security was pretty loose between the wars, I suppose.   I'd rather have a new mixer. I understand. Duty calls. Bullseye. Sometimes I think a bartender needs to know more than a secret agent. Especially when that secret agent's sent to the moon. I didn't really mean it that way.With the pass, we can visit the army headquarters.   How's the connection to the outside world? Sir, I wish to report that everything is OK, sir! Really? I've got a different opinion. I don't understand, sir. In my office I hear all the phone calls from my secretary's desk. There's a phone book on the shelf in this very room. Picking it up gives you Tom's number. Why is this a puzzle?   Max, I'm glad you called. I'd be happy if I were you. Everything's goin' well. That's why I'm calling. I'm all ears. Come to the base and pick up your share. Don't forget the briefcase. Doesn't matter. Tell Major Stewart there's been a break in. An unauthorized person broke into Warehouse Number 2.That's the warehouse we started this update on. Which, if you remember, was padlocked on the inside of the door. But whatever, she calls up the Major and sends him off to investigate. Jack is free to visit the Colonel and finally close this ridiculous case, once and for all.  I've got something important to tell you, Colonel. No. I'm busy right now. This matter can't wait, Colonel. I said, I'm busy. I will not permit you to tell me what I must do. Well then you'll just have to change your habits. I don't have any time for niceties. It's a matter of life and death. Who are you? Jack Orlando, private detective, but we shouldn't waste any time on trivial details. That's no small matter, Mr. Orlando... and where on earth did you get this uniform? I had to take it out of the supply depot. At least I only took the uniform... You see, a few trucks left the base last night loaded with weapons. You're crazy, Orlando. Sorry to say I'm not crazy. These are facts, and behind the facts are concrete names. Like Major Pete Reynolds. I think the documents which I'll now show you should be of interest to you. Remember those papers we took off Scaletti's desk? If you didn't grab them then, the game is unwinnable. Have fun! Since we've got them, though, the Colonel is instantly convinced.  And immediately afterwards, Tom and the Major show up!  You'll be convicted and demoted! I doubt it. There are no witnesses, so there's no crime. I don't understand. Ho hum, attempted murder.   Sorry Colonel, we were busy with the break-in at Warehouse Number 2. He's the robber. You have anything to say, Stewart? Nice sight, isn't it Colonel?  Good work. If you were a soldier I'd give you a medal. Hmm,... I've already got the uniform. Ha ha, I like that. Consider it a present. Thanks, it'll remind me of a good end to a good case. That was good work, Orlando. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM0cBNbS1Os And that's it. corn in the bible fucked around with this message at 22:19 on Mar 15, 2015 |
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Mar 15, 2015 21:43
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Jack Orlando, ace detective. Well, that ended on a completely incomprehensible note, and what more could we ask for, really?
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Mar 15, 2015 21:49
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Hyper Crab Tank posted:Well, that ended on a completely incomprehensible note, and what more could we ask for, really? Yeah, the "secret agent on the moon" conversation sure is something.
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Mar 15, 2015 22:14
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If there's ever a game that could be summarized as "aint can", this is it.
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Mar 15, 2015 22:18
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I'm glad he got to get together with the girl who's fiance got shot hours ago.
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Mar 15, 2015 22:29
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Ekster posted:I'm glad he got to get together with the girl who's fiance got shot hours ago. In fairness, it's not the worst romance in videogame history.
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Mar 15, 2015 22:34
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 18:12 |
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corn in the bible posted:In fairness, it's not the worst romance in videogame history. You gotta be kidding me. Really?
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Mar 15, 2015 22:47
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