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Yesterday I was trying to move a hand pie in the oven and the bottom fell out. Then while I was trying to salvage that I somehow upset the full size strawberry pie next to it and it splatted all over the floor. Now I have ants.
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Mar 30, 2015 19:39
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Probably your neighbors have new cusswords too.  That loving sucks and I've done almost the same thing (but with the filling all over the bottom element, on fire, and also running out below the oven door).
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Mar 30, 2015 21:23
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Splizwarf posted:Probably your neighbors have new cusswords too. My oven has no bottom element, so there was no fire, but I did get a houseful of smoke and sticky filling under the oven. Where I can't reach. Also ants.
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Mar 30, 2015 21:37
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When I was in grade school, like 5th grade, one of my after-school tasks was to pack my mother's lunch. One day she asked me to include some boiled eggs; we were doing work around the house, and she was going to be making dinner soon, so I was like, oh, I'll start some eggs for mom! So I put two eggs in a little pot, in goes water, on the stove on high, blast-off to take care of the rest of my chores for the afternoon. A couple hours later, I heard a shriek and then it occurred to me that the horrible smell I'd been ignoring was not one of my own farts. The eggs had exploded all over the kitchen of our little rental house, and what wasn't stuck to every surface was burned to the bottom of the pot. Surprisingly enough, she actually didn't get pissed about this. Sadly, this wasn't the last time I would set an egg to fire and forget mode. A few years ago, after making dinner one evening, I thought "drat! I should pack some hardboiled eggs in my lunch." So like before, put everything together, slap it on the stove, and forget. I remembered just in time to run into the kitchen, grab the pot's handle, and then have molten hardboiled egg explode on my face. It was the same loving pot I burned those eggs in back in middle school.
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Apr 2, 2015 00:26
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Drink and Fight posted:Yesterday I was trying to move a hand pie in the oven and the bottom fell out. Then while I was trying to salvage that I somehow upset the full size strawberry pie next to it and it splatted all over the floor. Now I have ants. 
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Apr 10, 2015 11:49
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Today I tried to stir-fry with chilli oil instead of olive oil. I put some in the wok and left the burner on max to heat up while I was chopping ingredients, since I have a lovely electric hob with no temperature response. Now my house is filled with choking acrid smoke, my wok is ruined, and part of my kitchen is coated in black goo that used to be non-stick coating. (The choking acrid smoke is fair enough, but something in the oil really didn't like high temperatures...) And I still have to make dinner.
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Apr 15, 2015 23:39
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pumpinglemma posted:Today I tried to stir-fry with chilli oil instead of olive oil. I put some in the wok and left the burner on max to heat up while I was chopping ingredients, since I have a lovely electric hob with no temperature response. Now my house is filled with choking acrid smoke, my wok is ruined, and part of my kitchen is coated in black goo that used to be non-stick coating. (The choking acrid smoke is fair enough, but something in the oil really didn't like high temperatures...) ...But you know what your mistakes were, right? they were, in order: olive oil is for finishing or western cooking, chilli oil is for finishing, peanut or corn or canola or vegetable or any other neutral oil would have fixed this; that's oil, not nonstick coating, and I like a wet Mr clean magic eraser to take it off; and why the gently caress do you have a nonstick wok if you're stir frying at such high heat? Pick one: nonstick OR high heat. You can't have both.
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Apr 17, 2015 18:48
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Nicol Bolas posted:...But you know what your mistakes were, right? I'm completely new to stir-frying and I knew absolutely jack poo poo other than "this is ostensibly a good wok" and "the hotter the better". Thank you for the infodump. (But I'm pretty sure the gunk wasn't just oil given that the bottom of the wok was black before I started and mostly silver afterwards...)
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Apr 17, 2015 20:04
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My worst was probably a jambalaya. It was when I was first really cooking. It was a childhood favorite, I had made a pretty lame version of it at work, and wanted to try the real thing while I was home from college at my parents' house. I got an Emeril recipe for it, and because I was at my hyper-control-freak mom's house, she just kept telling me to throw in all of these extra ingredients like frozen swordfish steaks and shrimp with the tails still in, and tons of vegetables at random times during the cooking process. Thing is, she's one of the types who hates when rice or pasta is mixed or cooked into the sauce/mixture. She screams bloody murder if someone does that and will mope at the table, moaning about it the whole time. So, she kept pestering me to pull the rice out of the pot and cook it separately (I had put the last of the rice in there). So I scooped about a half-cup out, which resulted in an overy-watery thing that I would never call jambalaya. The flavor gross, mostly dominated by the taste of that frozen fish-water from the shrimp and swordfish, the whole thing looked like soup, and was just unsalvageable. Dad thought it was great, but he would eat his own solidified farts if he had enough Baby Ray's on hand. Mom sat there the entire time bemoaning when people cook rice into a meal. I ate like five spoonfuls and went to bed. My sister was home as well, and felt bad for me. She said something to mom, and they both went out to buy more ingredients a few days later, and mom agreed to stay out of the process. It was much better the second time, and reminded me of how my Cajun babysitter used to make it.
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Apr 17, 2015 20:36
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Plan Z posted:Thing is, she's one of the types who hates when rice or pasta is mixed or cooked into the sauce/mixture. I had no idea this was a type of person, and my world is now poorer for the knowing of it
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Apr 17, 2015 20:38
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AnonSpore posted:I had no idea this was a type of person, and my world is now poorer for the knowing of it Like I get it. You want some pasta with the sauce gobbed on it or something. I want that at times, but she wants it that way for everything. Ever tried rice noodles that weren't properly mixed with the curry/dish/whatever that you're eating? Prepare to eat something that tastes like a starchy sponge, and have my mother prefer to say "it's better that way."
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Apr 17, 2015 20:57
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AnonSpore posted:I had no idea this was a type of person, and my world is now poorer for the knowing of it I cook a bunch of Indian food, and it definitely bugs me when I serve rice and people immediately mix up everything on the plate. I don't really care how you choose to eat your food; serving curry over rice is totally legit, and stuff like sambar is meant to be mixed with rice as you eat it. If I spend hours cooking a meal and making sure the sauce is just right, then you immediately mash together the entire plate before even tasting it, I will probably be annoyed.
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Apr 17, 2015 21:22
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Bob_McBob posted:I cook a bunch of Indian food, and it definitely bugs me when I serve rice and people immediately mix up everything on the plate. I don't really care how you choose to eat your food; serving curry over rice is totally legit, and stuff like sambar is meant to be mixed with rice as you eat it. If I spend hours cooking a meal and making sure the sauce is just right, then you immediately mash together the entire plate before even tasting it, I will probably be annoyed. No that's totally okay, but I can name like half a dozen pasta dishes off the top of my head that are meant to be finished in the sauce before serving. Same with jambalaya--the rice is meant to absorb the liquid as it cooks both to thicken the sauce and give it flavor. I mean yeah you could pour off half the sauce into a separate pot and cook the rice in it or something but why would you?! 
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Apr 17, 2015 21:27
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pumpinglemma posted:I'm completely new to stir-frying and I knew absolutely jack poo poo other than "this is ostensibly a good wok" and "the hotter the better". Thank you for the infodump. (But I'm pretty sure the gunk wasn't just oil given that the bottom of the wok was black before I started and mostly silver afterwards...) You are right about the black stuff not being oil if it was non-stick. Teflon will burn off if overheated, and is mildly toxic to normal humans. However, the fumes are pretty lovely (ie the chokey aspect of the smoke was not just chili) and are "don't gently caress around" dangerous to babies and the elderly, along with smaller pets. Cats and dogs are usually okay but rodents and especially birds are very vulnerable. My friends found this out the hard way and lost two parrots and a cockatiel to overheating a single damned frying pan in an apartment. If you ever see smoke, not steam but smoke, coming off a non-stick pan, you are ruining it. Best practice is do not ever turn the heat on under a Teflon-coated pan unless there's something in it to transfer the heat into, even if you expect to be standing right there adding ingredients.
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Apr 17, 2015 21:30
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Bob_McBob posted:I cook a bunch of Indian food, and it definitely bugs me when I serve rice and people immediately mix up everything on the plate. I don't really care how you choose to eat your food; serving curry over rice is totally legit, and stuff like sambar is meant to be mixed with rice as you eat it. If I spend hours cooking a meal and making sure the sauce is just right, then you immediately mash together the entire plate before even tasting it, I will probably be annoyed. We're mostly going on about the intent of the dish.
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Apr 17, 2015 21:30
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You guys should come join us in the Cast Iron thread and never worry about vaporising your non-stick again! Just don't cook too many tomatoes or drop it on your foot. Worst thing we've ever gotten was a cheese and onion flan from an online organic food place. A few hours after we got it they phoned us, begging us not to eat it, somehow they'd managed to empty a whole container of salt into it, it was terrible. We fed little bits to people without warning them just to see their reactions. 
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Apr 17, 2015 21:44
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Ask me about making charcoal from frozen pizza while drunk.
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Apr 20, 2015 01:35
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Shooting Blanks posted:Ask me about making charcoal from frozen pizza while drunk. Why do people say this? 
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Apr 20, 2015 01:47
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Casu Marzu posted:Why do people say this? I'm pretty sure we can all infer what happened from his original post. Put pizza in oven while drunk, fell asleep or got distracted, returned to a charcoal disk and a smoky kitchen. I did a similar thing when I was a kid and decided to cook some chicken nuggets in the microwave. I figured if they normally take ~20 minutes in the oven they'll probably take the same amount of time in the microwave, right?  After about ten minutes I came into the kitchen to find a plate of burnt lumps spinning around with smoke pouring out of the microwave. It took days to get the smell out of the kitchen 
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Apr 20, 2015 03:40
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This one isn't mine. My friend decided to make quiche with mushrooms, onions and spinach. I don't even think the end result could have been called anything near a quiche...it was more of a horrifying egg veggie soup. It didn't set at all and all the egg broke apart from the water in the mushrooms and spinach so the texture was "bits of grainy egg in egg-flavored water with veggies and cheese". She made two huge pans worth, thinking it would be awesome. I had one bite. That loving texture. It didn't taste bad, mostly just bland but holy poo poo the texture was barf inducing. She actually ate a lot of it because she was broke and too stubborn to throw it out. ugghhh
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Apr 20, 2015 04:18
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Back when I was in high school, around the mid 2000s, some stupid poo poo was going viral online about baking a healthier cake by replacing all the ingredients in a store bought cake mix with a can of diet sprite. It didn't sound like a good idea, but I was bored so I figured why not, what's the worst that could happen? First off, and unsurprisingly, it fell apart into crumbs when I pulled it out of the pan, and got ripped to shreds when I tried to ice it. As far as the taste goes...it was worse than I could have imagined. It was sweeter than raw sugar, easily the sweetest thing I have ever eaten in my life. The icing was the least sweet part of that cake. It went straight in the garbage and I never spoke of it again (until now )I recently got a new Pyrex Bakeware set, and thanks to this thread I'm terrified to use it. I tend to be a little careless in the kitchen 
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Apr 20, 2015 11:38
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cyberia posted:I'm pretty sure we can all infer what happened from his original post. Put pizza in oven while drunk, fell asleep or got distracted, returned to a charcoal disk and a smoky kitchen. I also did this as a little kid with pizza bagels when I mixed up the microwave and regular over directions
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Apr 21, 2015 23:45
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"Ok cheapass pot with a thin bottom. I'll trust you not to burn this excellent soup on low heat while I go to the bathroom for a few minutes and can't stir constantly." This isn't a nightmare or as bad as most of the comedy ITT but goddamn that soup was going to be so good.
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Apr 24, 2015 15:53
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You can save at least some of the soup if you ladle it out from the centre really carefully and don't mix the burnt bits in with the rest. Some soup is better than chucking the lot out 
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Apr 25, 2015 00:34
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Washed a slightly scratched nonstick pan with Dawn soap. Tried to sautee kale in it. End result: Soapy-rear end kale. Dawn is wonderful for cleaning crude oil off baby ducks but not so good as a flavoring for greens.
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Apr 25, 2015 05:38
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Show Me A Chicken posted:Washed a slightly scratched nonstick pan with Dawn soap. Yeah, is it just me or does scratched nonstick coating just hang on to soap and other junk forever? My girlfriend has a large saucepan that's got nonstick coating all dinged up and I go out of my way to avoid using it because if I have to clean it, I have to rinse it over and over again to actually get the water to run clean. It's infuriating.
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Apr 25, 2015 14:11
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Buy a new nonstick pan then?
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Apr 25, 2015 17:49
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Steve Yun posted:Buy a new nonstick pan then? This. Buy cheap nonstick pans and expect to replace them annually or whatever.
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Apr 27, 2015 07:37
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Or less often. I was originally planning to replace mine after 3 years but now it's been 5 and although it's not as nonstick as it was before, it's nonstick enough that I don't have any problems with medium heat. And stop using metal utensils in your nonstick pans, that's what's loving them up
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Apr 27, 2015 07:41
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Get these, it's a steal for 2 good pans and they will hold up great. http://www.amazon.com/Calphalon-Unison-Nonstick-10-Inch-Omelette/dp/B004RIY4J4/ref=pd_sim_k_14?ie=UTF8&refRID=0YTQ58D6NC53TBQP126X Don't get hooked, the 2 pack is the only reasonably priced piece of the set these come from.
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Apr 27, 2015 07:52
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Dear booze store: Please don't mix these two together on the shelf. Thanks. That was a very panicked drive to the booze store. I was minutes away from pouring in the wrong stuff.
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May 13, 2015 13:08
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I do that all the time when I buy canned tomatoes. I forget to check every label
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May 13, 2015 16:24
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Mr. Wookums posted:I do that all the time when I buy canned tomatoes. I forget to check every label Also, creamed corn never works the same way as regular canned corn. Even if the labels do look almost identical.
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May 13, 2015 21:32
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I just made a perfectly nice chicken noodle casserole, went to take a bite, and the chicken smelled sour. The chicken smelled fine before I cooked it, but maybe I didn't sniff it hard enough or something. Oh, well, PB&J for dinner because gently caress cooking again.
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May 15, 2015 08:28
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My wife and I got an urge for late-night chocolate chip cookies. The only problem is, our kitchen is right next to the baby's room - and he'd been having some rough sleeping nights, so I didn't want to risk waking him up by turning all the lights on. No matter! I've made chocolate chip cookies so many times I can easily make them with nothing but the faint stove-light. So - butter, sugar, brown sugar, eggs, vanilla, flour, baking soda, chocolate chips - I'm mixing everything together, but why am I getting this strong smell of....toothpaste? Turns out that the bottles of vanilla extract and mint extract are the exact same shape and size. I'd forgotten I had the mint extract and in the dark, I hadn't bothered to look at the bottle before putting it in. Now, minty-chocolate chip cookies wouldn't necessarily be inedible, but mint extract is STRONG - this was at least 3 times as much as you'd want to use if that is what you were going for. By that point I was too tired to make another batch - so no cookies for us.
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May 21, 2015 14:29
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letthereberock posted:My wife and I got an urge for late-night chocolate chip cookies. The only problem is, our kitchen is right next to the baby's room - and he'd been having some rough sleeping nights, so I didn't want to risk waking him up by turning all the lights on. No matter! I've made chocolate chip cookies so many times I can easily make them with nothing but the faint stove-light. If I have a craving for late night cookies, I run to my nearest 24 hour mart (I'm in NYC so a lovely bodega). Most have them have these:  20 minutes later you have serviceable chocolate chip cookies.
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May 24, 2015 21:10
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Just call insomnia cookies dude. They deliver.
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May 25, 2015 01:57
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dino. posted:Just call insomnia cookies dude. They deliver. I miss living in Insomnia's delivery area 
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May 26, 2015 14:54
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ColHannibal posted:Get these, it's a steal for 2 good pans and they will hold up great. Quoted for truth. We've had these pans for about 5 years now, only use wooden or plastic utensils and hand wash, and they work great and still good as new.
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May 27, 2015 02:22
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May 30, 2015 21:45
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