Noblesse Obliged posted:

You look like something that should go into a cocoon once you eat enough garbage

Terrible Robot posted:

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:

I now need to know what JDAM means.

atomicthumbs posted:

agents of s.e.i.n.f.e.l.d.

ol qwerty bastard posted:

"iron man?!" tony stark kramers in the door and just keeps kramering, sliding off around the room, bouncing against walls. he kramers against your quinjet, busting it up big time. you get the feeling he's trying to say something to you but he's kramering at such a high velocity you just can't quite make it out. as he finally nails a window and falls out you think you hear him exclaim "i AM iron man, that's what's so CRAZY about this" on the way down

Bobby Digital posted:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joint_Direct_Attack_Munition

Terrible Robot posted:

TheMightyZang posted:

Are there 3 other dudes helping?

chitoryu12 posted:

Back in high school, a girl in drama club faked amnesia/ She was either pretty mentally ill or just a raging bitch, because she managed to gradually alienate everyone she was friends with in the lead-up to 11th grade. So one day in the back halls of the auditorium, as she talked to her friends, she suddenly "tripped" and "hit her head"; people who were watching her said that she caught herself with her arms and very gently bumped the ground with her head. Upon "waking up", she began asking everyone who they were and where she was.

The amazing part is that she kept it up! Even after being taken to the hospital and tested (where absolutely zero damage was confirmed), she still insisted that all her memories of high school relationships were just wiped clean from her brain. The stuff she learned in class was okay! She just mysteriously forgot about everyone else. I guess somewhere in her crazy brain, she decided that the only way to fix all her hosed up relationships was to find an excuse to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. But it would be too much effort for a high schooler to be introspective and admit to being an rear end in a top hat and make amends, so time for a brain wipe!

Everyone just kinda went along with it. It was the most obvious bullshit ever and got talked about behind her back, but I think they all just felt sorry for her and it was better to have her pretending to be a brand new person than antagonize someone obviously not well.

Enourmo posted:

man kids are dumb

one time my buddy's girlfriend faked a heart attack while they were at my house. called 911 and everything, when they got there nothing was wrong and they left.

i don't remember why, i don't think there was even a reason other than attention.

ol qwerty bastard posted:

I knew a girl in high school who pretended to faint over the smell of cigarette smoke. Like full-on dramatic hand-to-forehead, slowly lowering herself to the floor, faking confusion upon "waking up". She might as well have said "oh! the vapours!" to complete the effect.

VendaGoat posted:

People try and manipulate others for personal gain?


MY loving WORD!

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Yes, the motive is what's notable here, not its expression.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

That kinda drama queen bullshit is how you get jerks deliberately blowing it into your face just to shut you up for a bit.

Shugojin posted:

Kids are dumb? I worked with a guy that decided to say he thought he was having a heart attack to get off work. Well, when the manager called an ambulance like any sane person would do..... he literally took off running. The manager actually took off chasing him. It was, uh. It was a thing all right.

FactsAreUseless posted:

orgy_advice.txt

an overdue owl posted:

Does anyone have that quote making someone play about a pipe organ made of pigs carcasses or something like that?

kalstrams posted:

My school was pretty boring, we just had actual heart attacks from people mixing juice with pure ethanol for field trips.

death .cab for qt posted:

We never had the heart attacks but boy howdy did we have sweet tea or apple juice mixed with Everclear

Adam Vegas posted:

yes please, for the love of god, I've been looking for this quote for ages

Major Failure posted:

There is to my mind only one solution, my friend:

Lock your friend in a room with two hired soldiers and a keyboard. Give him the sheet music for "it's a small world after all". Have him try again and again to play it on the keyboard, with the soldiers jamming a razorwire-covered baseball bat up his rear end every time he hits a wrong note.

When he has perfected the tune, let him sleep, eat, and live a normal life. Then, every night for a year, have the soldiers wake him up at a random point in the night with the assbat treatment, holding out a casio keyboard until he plays the tune. Each time, they will remove the bat when he plays the tune.

After a year, he will be conditioned so that as soon as he gains consciousness after sleep, he will be driven by fear-installed instinct to play "it's a small world after all" as soon as he possibly can for fear of being manraped with a razorbat.

Allow him a few days to think things are fine, and then drug him to the gills by slipping a mickey in his soy milk.

Saw open his skull and remove his mind, keeping it on ice in your well-stocked lab. The brain should then be implanted into the grown body of a pig embryo given fragments of human DNA in order to give it arms and legs workable with human nerve impulses.

Before consciousness is regained, manipulate the porkmate creature into a tuxedo, and glue it to the seat of a colossal hellish organ. This organ's pipes should be lined with the still-living throat and lung tissues of battery-farmed pigs, their sedated but conscious heads still weeping from the top of the pipes, kept alive by the air flowing through the pipes and nutrients from underground vats.

Your friend will awake in the nightmare ghoulform of a remade human pig, and will desperately begin playing the organ. The organ will force air through the twisted, sore, splayed out vocal chords of the sad creatures impaled on its pipes, screaming out an infernal dirge of "it's a small world" in constant agony.

Your friend will soon realise he must keep playing to keep air flowing through the reconfigured lung tissues of his mangled brethren, but to do so keeps them alive in an existence of perpetual torture. He will weep with guilt, tears of blood from sore and ill-wired tear ducts, but he will keep playing.

His audience? seven thousand PETA members, each nailed into a coital position with the rotting carcass of a dolphin, while six-foot tall raven haired valkyries dressed only in thigh high boots and collars made from dog leather whip them with flails made from the intestines of kittens.

You and I shall each sit on titanic floating thrones of ebony, malachite and ossified whaleflesh, being pleasured at random by our own chained valkyries until your friend commits suicide by choking to death on his own bitten-off bacony tongue.

...

Hold on, I have to go and wank now.

Ein cooler Typ posted:

Hobbes would be an app and Calvin would just be staring at his cell phone all day

symbolic posted:

Calvin and Jobs

ToxicFrog posted:

Found it in the old quotes thread (by searching Google for [site:forums.somethingawful.com intitle:quotes pig organ]):

Kavak posted:

Does anyone know the context?

Kavak posted:

Does anyone know the context?

Ozz81 posted:

guys GUYS

what if they built a tunnel...that goes under the sewer pipes

Tetracube posted:

The most efficient solution would be to lower the road so it intersects with the sewage, then install a sewage crossing

Every hour or so the floodgates open and a poo poo ton of raw sewage slowly slides across

Minarch posted:

I don't see how giving the bridge an SA account solves anything

Saint Isaias Boner posted:

It's a harrowing and unpleasant life, being a machine-hallucination of a dog's head that emerges briefly from floors

MorgaineDax posted:

Does anyone remember that quote about possibly online dating? Something like "if you suspect it's good, the goods are suspect"? It's stuck in my head, but I can't remember it exactly.

Puppy Galaxy posted:

The odds are good but the goods are odd?

It's an old saying

Hell Yeah posted:

Franco: Grandma GBS is bad and I need help paying my car insurance bill.
Grandma: That's fine dear, here's a check.
Franco: No grandma, this check is written incorrectly. You probably need mental health services and you're not as good at writing checks as me.
Grandma: But I...
Franco(interrupting): GBS is bad.