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Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat




Gravy Boat 2k

blegh

Sham bam bamina! has a new favorite as of 21:52 on Dec 18, 2017

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TITTIEKISSER69
Mar 19, 2005

I'M JUST HERE TO KISS TITTIESS AND WIN FOOTBALL GAMES!
(AND GET EVERYBODY FIRED)


Pillbug

Ruddha posted:

I don't know about anyone else, but I know for a fact that horses are stupider than poo poo and WILL kill themselves if you don't take an absurd amount of precautions and adorn them in the right silly accessories so that they don't scare themselves and fall over dead, and even then at best you can reduce the chances that they will do that, but they're still absolutely going to. Women who are obsessed with horses are just as bad as ones who are obsessed with anything else, but it may be dumber because it's a placeholder for animalistic male sexuality; however, in reality, it doesn't hold up because dominant male sexual energy is incompatible with horse personality and tendencies because, again, they're absolutely going to kill themselves by accident, whereas studs and straight power tops are highly unlikely to catch their reflection in a mirror then break their leg and get eaten by a mountain lioness

Ruddha posted:

Of course, if you don't nail little metal rings onto them, they'll split open, and then they'll die.

Ruddha posted:

I personally guarantee you a dog will never in this life hear a bee then have a heart attack out of fear, dying.

Ruddha posted:

Babies grow up and that's okay, it's like, sometimes a great meal is worth a lot of prep, for example. Horses only get more likely to die from a stupid reason as they get older. Oh poor ol' Freckles, thought of ants and died.

Ruddha posted:

That's understandable, but in the scheme of things it's a fairly low chance. With horses, there is no such thing as a natural death at any point in existence: they've strictly only died from stupid poo poo. Saw water and passed away.

Wizard Master
Mar 25, 2008


detectivemonkey posted:

I don't like throwing accusations of fallacy around because it belies my secret atheism, but holy crap tautology ahoy.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.





Smellrose

Two all-time classics.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

There's a lot of hosed up and weird people, on this comedy forum website, who do not ever post jokes, do not enjoy jokes or indeed even laughing, and have coined a derogatory term for people who make jokes. They're all missionaries drawn here by the allure of the fertile lands of videos of a severely asthmatic man playing Megaman games, and interesting philosophical quandries posted by the fake PTSD guy about the nature of doors and windows in Dungeons and Dragons. They are wise men here to educate a savage, uneducated, indigenous sort. It is a sonorous, musical form of education; a greasy collective amasses on the front line of the battle against social injustice, the video game subforum on a message board that has a drop down menu that makes light of the holocaust on every single page, and sings a shrill harmony that permeates the very aether, making my pets feel unsafe, when a video game muscle man calls Catwoman a bitch. They have picked their battles well, and I note from my foxhole that I am running out of ammunition, chiefly in the form of the increasingly finite number of ways I can frame this absurd situation with the English language. I clench my fists and yell "anime" towards an uncaring, absent God, and swear solemnly to press my thumbs into Chocolate America's eyeballs until he is blinded, to directly emasculate sporting figures, to beat the poo poo out of tumblr users with baseball bats, and to quietly appreciate what Waylon Smithers being gay means to me.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

pre:
INT. DANK TORTURE BASEMENT - NIGHT

The sound of metal chains whipping against bare flesh hang heavy in the air, like a bird
flying into a headwind. The room is damp and sparsely lit. SUPERMECHAGODZILLA's scarred
jowls are illuminated by a desk lamp laying sideways on the floor

                                SUPERMECHAGODZILA
        Which reading is true? Which reading is true? WHICH READING IS TRUE!?

                                KOOS
        [Spits mouthful of blood] The words are used specifically for their
        literal intention, the events are straightforward so as to be easily
        understood by an audience of children.

The beating begins again, with a furious vigour, until SUPERMECHAGODZILLA can barely
stand. He rests one hand against a dirty wall, sweat marring his 1993 Nebraska Film
Festival hypercolor t-shirt.

                                SUPERMECHAGODZILA
        The opposite reading is true... The opposite reading is true. I've
        been to college.

KOOS straightens his posture, his pride and dignity unscathed by the days long assault
of a fat, stupid man.

                                KOOS
        Any perceived allusions to facism in A Goofy Movie are a wholesale
        invention of a misguided viewer.

SUPERMECHAGODZILLA adopts the look of a man who has been defeated. Wearily, he grabs a
shotgun that had been resting in the corner, and cocks it loudly.

                                KOOS
        Goofy simply wishes to bond with his son through fishing, a traditional
        pastime, as he had done with his own father. It is neither parable nor
        allegory. Neither dog was molested, the material does not support this.

John Liver
May 4, 2009



Oh man if I could find it I'd post the steady and deliberate meltdown that begins on the first page of the Razor thread

A man cannot grasp the product in front of him, and his mind falls away

Razor, he whispers

INCHI DICKARI
Aug 23, 2006

by FactsAreUseless


John Liver posted:

Oh man if I could find it I'd post the steady and deliberate meltdown that begins on the first page of the Razor thread

A man cannot grasp the product in front of him, and his mind falls away

Razor, he whispers

Was that the one sprinkled with the sentence fragments spelling out jet fuel doesnt burn hot enough to melt steel because that one always stood out as incredible for losing it so hard the rage no longer is bound to a single vessel.

Dream Attack
Feb 12, 2008

nothing in this world


manyak posted:

Imagine a healthy dinner with the following on the plate: a nice steak, a side salad with greens, tomato, etc. and dressing, and a dinner roll on the side. Not bad right?

Combine all of them onto one stacked pile and you have the components of the famously unhealthy food known as the Hamburger.

manyak posted:

A professor at Harvard walked into his classroom holding a fresh hot Hamburger. He asked to the class, "who among you would say that this famous sandwich constitutes an Unhealthy dinner?" the students laughed nervously, and every student put up their hands in agreement, save for one lone student, who sat smiling.

"You there," he gestured to the dissenter, " you claim this Hamburger is healthy? Exceptional claims require expecitonal evidence my dear boy," he contiinued smirking hugely, "please come and prove it."

The student calmly walked up to the lectern and began to disassemble the Hamburger sandwich-- first removing the buns and placing them to the side of a plate where they became the simple Dinner roll. Next he removed the hamburger meat which , upon placement of the plate, seemed like nothing more than a cut of prime Sirloin steak. As for the toppings of the burger they formed no more than a side salad.

"Well done young man" said the professor, who was Albert einstein. He continued to say "Now what is your name?", asking the student.

"Im adolf hitler" replied the student

Heresiarch
Oct 6, 2005

Literature is not exhaustible, for the sufficient and simple reason that no single book is. A book is not an isolated being: it is a relationship, an axis of innumerable relationships.


John Liver posted:

Oh man if I could find it I'd post the steady and deliberate meltdown that begins on the first page of the Razor thread

A man cannot grasp the product in front of him, and his mind falls away

Razor, he whispers

This is the infamous razermeltdown thread I believe (Kirk is the poster you're looking for) but since DB3 is down you'll have to wait.

I suggest not waiting and forgetting you ever saw this link because while it's amazing it's also painful.

Heresiarch
Oct 6, 2005

Literature is not exhaustible, for the sufficient and simple reason that no single book is. A book is not an isolated being: it is a relationship, an axis of innumerable relationships.


BTW most of the classic SA quotes that people are going to ask for can probably be found in the previous thread by putting "threadid:3695000" in the search box along with your search terms.

I Shot The Serif
Jul 19, 2007






Tortured By Flan

Preemptively getting this out of the way:

JCaesar posted:

gently caress all the pop song puppy love bullshit. Your heart skipping a beat isn't love, it's cardiac arrhythmia. It's not about shortness of breath, either, or how turned on you get or whether you tell yourself you'd throw yourself in front of a bus for her or whatever. You can convince yourself of a lot about how you feel and what you would do in exchange for regular oral sex.
Love is when she drives you insane sometimes. And I don't mean merely "aggravating" or "annoying," I mean flat-out loving in. Sane. And in a way nobody else can do it in a million years. She'll drive you to the point where you'd gouge out your own eyeball with a melon baller or smack your scrotum a half-dozen times with a ball peen hammer if it means you can be done with this conversation. She'll make you want to chew your own arm off to get out of talking about this. And I don't care how many loving times you've had this conversation, each time, you know you'll have it again:

Her: I thought you turned the heat on.
You: I did.
Her: Well, I'm still cold. Are you sure you did it right?
You: Yes, I'm pretty sure I know how to turn on a thermostat.
Her: 'Cause you know you have to flip the switch to "heat" and....
You: Honey! I know! How to turn on! A thermostat! I went to college for it and everything.
Her: Well, I don't feel any heat blowing in here.
You: I know. I think you broke the thermostat again.
Her: I didn't break it.
You: Yes, you did, you put that halogen lamp right next to it again.
Her: That doesn't do anything.
You: Yes, it does.
Her: I thought you fixed it?
You: I did fix it, and you broke it again.
Her: Are you sure you fixed it right?
You: Yes, goddammit, I fixed it right.
Her: How do you know you fixed it?
You: 'Cause it worked when I fixed it!
Her: Well, it's not working now.
You: 'Cause you broke it again!
Her: How'd I break it?
You: You put the goddamn, loving lamp next to it!
Her: I don't see why a lamp would break a thermostat.
You: OK. I'm going to explain this. One more time. Slowly. Thermostats have a coil inside them that expands and contracts based on the temperature. This is how they know when it is hotter than the setting of the A/C, so it can cool the room off, or colder than the setting of the heating, so it can heat the room up. Halogen lamps generate heat. Halogen lamps generate a lot of heat. That's why you burn your fingers when you touch the bulbs after they've been on for a while. So when you put a halogen lamp next to a thermostat, it causes the coil to keep expanding and expanding and expanding past the point it's intended to expand. This makes the thermostat think it's really, really hot all the time, and it makes the coil less sensitive in the future, and it'll eventually break the coil so I'll have to replace the thermostat.
Her: That doesn't sound right.
You: Trust me. It's right.
Her: How do you know?
You: BECAUSE I TOOK SIXTH GRADE loving PHYSICS, OK?!
Her: Well, I don't think they should make thermostats that can be broken by something little like a lamp.
You: Fine. Don't think that. Write a letter to the manufacturers. Write a letter to universities and tell them to build a better thermostat. I don't loving care. But that's how they make them. That's why I keep moving the lamp, that's why I keep telling you not to put it back to the right of the bookcase, that's why I've had to fix the thermostat four loving times now. Stop! Putting! The lamp! Right! Next! To the thermostat!
Her: But on the other side of the bookcase, the front of the hallway is dark, and I can't see inside my gift closet.
You: Well, you can turn on the hall light to go through your gift closet, or you can sit here and be cold! Your choice, honey!
Her:
You:
Her:
You:
Her: I don't think you fixed the thermostat right.
You: GOD-MOTHERFUCKING-DAMMIT, I'M GOING TO FIX THAT MOTHERFUCKING THERMOSTAT TOMORROW, AND I SWEAR TO MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST IF YOU PUT THE LAMP NEAR THE THERMOSTAT AGAIN, I WILL SMASH IT TO A MILLION loving PIECES AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR GODDAMN THROAT!!! MOTHERFUCK ME, JESUS!!!!!!

And if the seventh time you have that conversation, knowing full well there will be an eighth time, you'd still rather have that conversation again than imagine a world she's not in, you're in love.
Especially if you do fix that thermostat... again... the next day, and not just so she'll shut up about it, but because you really don't want her to be cold anymore.

Wizard Master
Mar 25, 2008


Interesting that many of the so called "classic" quotes so far have come from FYAD posters...

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011


Wizard Master posted:

Interesting that many of the so called "classic" quotes so far have come from FYAD posters...
Here's another classic FYAD quote:

quote:

Wizard Master

Josef bugman
Nov 17, 2011

Chomsky Boi

Can we have the quote from towards the end of the last thread? The one where the professor turns into a glowing god bear?

Josef bugman has a new favorite as of 18:01 on Nov 1, 2015

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat




Gravy Boat 2k

Josef bugman posted:

Can we have the quote from towards the end of the last thread? The one where the professor turns into a glowing god bear?

quote:

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, ďGod, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. Iíll give you exactly 15 minutes.Ē The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, ďHere I am God. Iím still waiting.Ē It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and lifted up his arm to strike him.

At that moment the professor was transformed into a 7-foot grizzly, wreathed in a halo of holy fire. The bear spoke: "Blasphemer thou art, thou thinkst to take the place of God? Those who deny me face eternal fire, but you who knows my work and yet commits the sin of Satan I curse a hundred times over!" The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently picking at his boils. Then Richard Dawkins burst into the room, wielding a copy of The Selfish Gene and crying "Leave that boy alone, you pathetic atavism!" As the holy bear whirled around, terrible light flashing in its eyes, Dawkins shed his mortal form, raised each of his seven horned heads, and hissed. "It'ssss me you want!". And then the Lord and the Antichrist joined in the final battle.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.


Grimey Drawer

wellwhoopdedooo posted:

My dad got drunk one night and literally ate my last two baby teeth I had pulled earlier that day.

Tyrannosaurus posted:

I have so many questions

Puppy Galaxy
Aug 1, 2004



Lipstick Apathy

detectivemonkey posted:

I don't like throwing accusations of fallacy around because it belies my secret atheism, but holy crap tautology ahoy.

Horace
Apr 17, 2007

Gone Skiin'



ryonguy posted:

Minarch posted:

can we knock it off with the loss edits already? mods???


Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat




Gravy Boat 2k

Thunderdome's still-greatest classic, from 2013teen:

Baudolino posted:

Ca 980 words.

Rural Rentboys.

The Year is 1985.
England,Shropshire, Wroxeter, two 18teen year old boys are entering an abonend bunker. The mosscovered"do not enter"sign above the entrance is barely redable, it has not worn the gnawing of time well. They ignore it. The bunker was a perect litle shelter for them. For James and RIchard it was the ideal, that is to say the only place where they could be themselves.

Wroxeter, famous for it`s old roman ruins and little else was hardly a stronghold of tolerance. Quiet little villages with piss poor work markets seldom are. Two young boys in love could not be open about their desires in such a place without risk. Tall, muscular and atheltic James and Richard cherised the attention they got from the local girls .
But the School janitor with his needy blue eyes and gaunt face also appreciated their looks. Attention from a known poofter like him they could ill afford. In short things could be better for them. Mercifully they knew they always had eachother and the aboned bunker. It would have to do until they graduated.

Spring was in full orgasmic explosion when they visited the bunker for the last time. Nature blossomed, it was green, moist and filled with bird song. The green hills east of Wroxter was in everyway a paradisal sigth, not including the odd discarded needle or empty beer can. Even the heavens looked magical, dotted with white puffy clouds and clothed in the colour of the ceasars. Happily the bunker was obscured behind trees and did not disturb the romantic visage.

Inside the bunker James pushed Richard gently away -No, not yet, work before pleasure remember? Not even a little kiss?--- Alright, maybe just the on... They kissed, it was quick, it was sweet.

-Now to the task at hand, James said and pulled away. Lying upside down in the sparse concrete room was Richard`s bike. It lacked a front wheel, the old one had gotten hosed up after a particulary nasty fall. To buy a new wheel would probaly be best, but neither Richard or James had much money to spare. And RIchard loathed to spend the small pithy the school janitor paid for his "favors" unless absolutely necessary. Instead the two boys had gradually managed to cobble together a decent rim and fit it with spokes. The tire they simply stole off the janitors bike, infront of his very eyes. What was he supposed to do, go to the police? They hoped it would do as a new wheel.

After much sweating cursing and hustling about inside the bunke they finally made the wheel fit the bikeframe. It looked safe anyhow.
-Seems alrigth. Wanna give it a go Richard?
- You know what i want, hehe.
-Seriously mate, ride it down the slope to see how it handles. We might need to make some adjustments.
Richard picked up the bike and smiled. -Yeah yeah i heard you, if it makes you happy.
-I just want you to be safe using that wheel. Richard walked outside and sat down on the bike. -I know you do.

Richard started to roll down the hill the hill, immeadtly the bike started to shake and rumble . As he neared the first bend in the road the front wheel touched a small pothole, at once the wheel collapsed inwards and the joints holdning the rim together came apart violently. Richard was flung off his bike and landed just outside the road, where he tumbled ever faster down the slope. Running as fast as he could James found his lover lying face down at the foot of the hill. His body perfectly still despite bleeding massivly from his rigth thigh where a piece of bone protruded from his flesh. As James he got closer a terrible frigth posessed him. He could barely stand when he finally reached Richard. The horrible dark red blood was naseuating, it was downrigth gruseome. Shambling like a drunk man James tried to get awaybut quickly fell down. The blood made him dizzy, made him feel like he was drownin, made him hold his to breath. The blood the blood blo..

James lost conciousness. When he came to the sky was a little darker and the air at little colder. His lover laid on the same spot as before, the ground now toroughly draped with a dark red colour and RIchard himself curiosly pale. Like paper or snow or something.
-Get up Richard please, we have to get your bike fixed. Come on mate, get up.
RIchard, please, YOU HAVE TO GET UP!

Several weeks later after Richard had been buried at the St Andrews church James found himself outside a yellow camping wagon. Standing in the door in his trouses and with a beer in his hand was the school janitor. With a grin he simply said-So it`s just me and you now innit, come for a job have you?
- Pay me double what you gave Richard and use a loving condom and i.i.. i`ll do what you want
Mr Fletcher stepped back and gave James a huge grin-Get in!

Say Nothing
Mar 4, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


The famous 'Goon in a well' analogy.

quote:

OP: "Help! HELP! I'm stuck in a well!!!"
Goons1-4: "Climb! Climb up and take our hands!"
OP: "I'm thinking I should dig... should I dig?"
Goon5: "NO! I was trapped in a well, and digging is a bad idea! Climb out!"
Goons6-8: "Were lowering ropes! Take hold of a rope!"
Goon9: "I've even tied a harness to the end of this one!"
OP: "I can feel the ropes, but I don't want to hold onto them... should I dig?"
Goon10: "No! If you dig, you'll hit water, and then you'll be proper hosed. I should know, I almost drowned."
OP: "I dug a little bit just now, and I haven't hit water. I'm gonna keep digging..."
Goons11-18: "No! Climb! Climb out!"
OP: "Guys, I'm seriously stuck in this well! Help! HELP!!!"
Goon19: "I was trapped in a well once. It took me two years, but I managed to build a climbing machine that pulled me to safety out of a well bucket and a pocket watch. I'm dropping the blueprints, extra buckets, and an assortment of pocket watches."
Goon20: "I've engineered a jet-pack that will rocket you to safety. Stay where you are and we'll lower it down!"
OP: "Thanks for your help, guys. I'm gonna keep digging. I'll find the Mines of Moria and I'll just walk to the surface."
**Goons1-20 piss in the well**
Goon21: "Guys, seriously... stop peeing in the well."
Goon22:"Yeah, like any of you guys have even seen a real well, you neckbearded, WOW-addicted shut-ins."

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

Hi, Everybody!


One of my favourites;

quote:

A better analogy would be if someone walks into a championship tournament, says "GEE I THINK I MAY HAVE TRANSCENDED THE UNDERSTANDING OF SOME OF YOU GRANDMASTERS HERE, WANT TO JOIN MY NEW SCHOOL OF CHESS STRATEGY?", then loses by scholar's mate twice in the first round.

This person then refuses to leave his seat, claiming that he needs additional proof that the queen in f7 actually ontologically exists before he will admit defeat, and that the rules of the CHESS ESTABLISHMENT were unfairly biased against him by disallowing the possibility of his king being able to leapfrog pieces.

Then he pulls out an ancient shopping list from 1905 and claims that "1. Eggs" means 'The King', "2. Butter" means 'can', and "3. Milk" means 'leapfrog'. This is admissible evidence for his case because he has lived according to the dictates of this list since he was a teenager, and it has drastically improved his quality of life. When the referees tell him that this makes no loving sense, he drags them into a three hour debate over the precise meaning of the words 'makes', 'no', 'loving', and 'sense'.

When people point out that there is more than enough evidence to suggest his list is just a scrap of paper from some long-dead housewife's purse, he rather proudly points out how close-minded they are in dismissing outright the possibility that the list was in fact a secret coded message on the best way to live life, originally formulated by Atlanteans and passed down through the ages disguised as everyday documents. After all, if one starts with the presupposition that such a document exists, then it would be very fair to argue that it is indeed in the form of his shopping list.

Never mind that his previous interpretations of the list led to three convictions and time served for robbery, hate crimes, and murder. These were just unfortunate misinterpretations on his part of the list's true intentions, he says. The list itself is blameless. In fact, the Atlanteans deliberately obfuscated the true meaning of the list in this way, so that it would require multiple failed misinterpretations before one would happen across its TRUE meaning, and in doing so appreciate it all the more.

In fact, he does have some evidence to back up his claims. Why, just last week during his daily meditation on the list, he felt it telling him that something good was about to happen in his future. And yesterday, wouldn't you know it, he found a twenty dollar note on the sidewalk! Evidence of the list's prophetic powers if I ever saw one. And believe him, he has many more stories where that came from.

By now, the debate has splintered off into innumerable tangents, with the one man against literally every other player and referee present at the tournament. Finally, he graciously accepts the possibility of defeat in some of the myriad topics now being covered. OK, maybe the tallest player doesn't always get to go first. Fine, I will concede that there isn't much evidence to support my third-invisible-knight hypothesis. But that's all irrelevant. What he wants to concentrate on, and what nobody has yet been able to disprove, he adds, is the ability of the king to leapfrog over other pieces.

The argument drags on for weeks. Finally, one afternoon, the beet-faced referee exhausts his last reserves of decency and throws his arms up in frustration and despair. "YOU loving RETARD, HOW CAN YOU LAY CLAIM TO KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT CHESS STRATEGY WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN GRASP THE MOST BASIC RULES!?" He shouts, just as a new entrant walks through the door. "I'm sorry," replies the man calmly, "I simply cannot discuss the rules of chess with such an 'official' if you insist on using such strong and uncouth language. Please retract your insults or I will be forced to plug my ears whenever you say anything from now on."

Seeing only this last exchange, the new entrant pipes up. "He's right, you know. If he did something wrong, then you as the referee have every right to tell him he is so, but it should be done with a patient and thorough explanation of the details of his error. Hurling ridicule at him solves nothing and won't change anyone's mind."

The lazy eye of the retarded List-following, King-leapfrogging man twitches almost unnoticeably, as he cranes his head towards the source of this new voice. A welcoming smile cracks, inch by beaming inch, across his face. He licks his lips. He clears his throat.

"So glad to know decent people like you still value a polite discussion. Care for a game?"

Cuntellectual
Aug 6, 2010

by Reene


posted:

Just got a job as a retard masturbator

posted:

So you work from home, OP?

Frostwerks
Sep 24, 2007

by Lowtax



What thread was this from

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless



Literally Kermit posted:

I shouldn't have to say this but please don't post pics of my weird tonsil infection, Gonzo

slinkimalinki
Jan 17, 2010



Picked up on FYAD, so FYAD quote type B: indirect.

Yeah Bro
Feb 4, 2012



Does anyone have the Fyad/goonlols quote about the Texas Judge BMW Lizard lady thing? I think it was a Duncan/Triticum Guzzler post.

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



lmaoboy1998 posted:

Baby: Goo goo ga ga.

Baby 2: [Shits audibly into nappy]

Me: You see this, this right here, is why I don't like to admit I watch the Teletubbies. I don't want to be lumped in with the absolute fuckwits that call themselves the series' fans.

Fried Watermelon
Dec 29, 2008




im permabanned poster niggerstomper58. i first started reading fyad when i was about 12. by 14 i got really obsessed with the concept of "irony" and tried to channel it constantly, until my thought process got really bizarre and i would repeat things like "friend of the family balls" and "i love making GBS threads inside friend of the family assholes" in my head for hours, and i would get really paranoid, start seeing things in the corners of my eyes etc, basically prodromal schizophrenia. im now on antipsychotics. i always wondered what the kind of "ironic" style of fyad humor was all about; i think it's the unconscious leaking in to the conscious, what jungian theory considered to be the cause of schizophrenic and schizotypal syptoms. i would advise all people who "get" fyad to be careful because that likely means you have a predisposition to a mental illness. peace.

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat




Gravy Boat 2k

With the database down, I tried to use Google's cache to revisit the original thread and got

quote:

"i love making GBS threads inside friend of the family assholes"

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless


FordPRefectLL posted:

when i was 19 i got super drunk at someone's apartment and threw up

some dude's wife came into the bathroom and cleaned me up and then for some reason gave me a handjob and then i passed out on a fold out bed in the middle of the party

1redflag posted:

Think about how much of an rear end in a top hat that woman's husband must be that she felt the urge to give you a handjob. Like, what benefit could she possibly get out of it, other than hate-wanking your dick as some sort of act of defiance against her husband. I just imagine her muttering to herself while jacking it, complaining about how its not her turn to take the trash out, she did it last time!

Zulily Zoetrope
Jun 1, 2011





Muldoon


Lizard Combatant posted:

There's always a bunch of vocal street preachers in my local mall and one of them pulls his cross around on little bike training wheels.
He wasn't particularly grateful when I reminded him that Jesus' cross is rarely described as having wheels and that it makes him look like a lazy fraud.
He also wears a big sun hat at night like a crazy person.

Ak Gara posted:

Well to be fair Jesus only had to carry it once.

Stoatbringer posted:

He nailed it first time.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

IT'S INCISIVE COMMENTARY!


Fun Shoe

I giggled about this post in an empty elevator today because I am 12 years old

Enfield posted:

i poop my pants

naem posted:

same (I poop your pants)

Germstore posted:

You have pants, and I have pants, and I have a butt. Now, my butt reaches acroooooss the room and starts to poop your pants. I- poop- your- pants!

I Shot The Serif
Jul 19, 2007






Tortured By Flan

Kajeesus posted:

Burger King Jesus

You forgot the best one:

TITTIEKISSER69
Mar 19, 2005

I'M JUST HERE TO KISS TITTIESS AND WIN FOOTBALL GAMES!
(AND GET EVERYBODY FIRED)


Pillbug

Don't remember who this is attributed to, I had to Google it:

quote:

No, Moslems donít believe that Jesus was the Messiah.

Think of it like a movie. The Torah is the first one, and the New Testament is the sequel. Then the Quíran comes out, and it retcons the last one like it never happened. Thereís still Jesus, but heís not the main character anymore, and the Messiah hasnít shown up yet.

Jews like the first movie, but ignored the sequels, Christians think you need to watch the first two, but the third one doesnít count, Moslems think the third one was the best, and Mormons liked the second one so much they started writing fan fiction that doesnít fit with ANY of the series canon.

I Shot The Serif
Jul 19, 2007






Tortured By Flan

Wilford Cutlery posted:

Don't remember who this is attributed to, I had to Google it:

RandomFerret.

I saved that one too.

Also:

Aaron Burr posted:

Because the Republican party is full of rich dudes named "Fred" and whenever anybody mentions 'gay rights' the Freds think back to that spring afternoon in the Choate locker room when the freshman with the floppy hair and the blue eyes slipped a hand under the Freds' towel and gave the Freds a little smirk and said "just relax" and for just one minute everything was glorious and after that the Freds went on to jobs they hated and wives, ditto, and after twenty years they saw in the paper where the blue-eyed freshman was an ACLU attorney dying of AIDS who became free in all the ways the Freds couldn't and nothing, nothing, nothing pisses the Freds off like reminding them of that beautiful spring day at Choate.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

Ask me about my dream Frasier episode where Frasier and Bulldog oil their heads and then rub them together. It's definitely not a fetish of mine, I swear!

Why do these threads always get closed or gassed? I was about to something but then realized that I should probably have that information beforehand.

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.


Grimey Drawer

cheerfullydrab posted:

Why do these threads always get closed or gassed? I was about to something but then realized that I should probably have that information beforehand.

Because people start dumb arguments about dumb poo poo and other people don't have sufficient self-control to not engage.

Thriftwood
Dec 13, 2005
Merry Christmas, faggot. Love digeraticular.

Thread: "Disability advocate falls in "love" with, rapes pants-making GBS threads retard"

Son of Rodney posted:

Her: "I could get lost in your eyes for hours "

Him:


Pick
Jul 19, 2009




Nap Ghost

nomadologique posted:

"mm yes i'm just going to pop this package of circus peanuts open and have one. mm. i like how they melt in your mouth. well that's enough for now. there's always tomorrow!"

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.





Smellrose

Triticum Guzzler posted:

Senior Woodchuck posted:

Nah, he just whines and spouts gibberish from a teenager's half-assed theory of comedy. I guess it's kinda funny, in a "kid with the helmet can't open his juice box" way.

But back to the topic of movie reviews: Isn't caring about stuff the worst, you guys? And having thoughts and opinions? And like, expressing them? As if it's a reviewer's job to tell people what they thought of the movie they saw, amirite?

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot


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PopRocks
Jul 4, 2003

WTF am I reading?

My all-time favorite, when a goon (Epic Proportions maybe?) posted about how his girlfriend cheated on him with her guitar instructor after he bought her the guitar lessons in the first place, and he was dispondent, and a wise sage posted the following...

quote:

"Calm down. Breathe. This isn't the end of a beautiful love life that ended suddenly, this is the beginning of the rest of your goddam life, and it's only going to get better from here. You're free. Realize that. This girl wanted to marry you, and she's willing to gently caress a dipshit guitar teacher behind your back?

You dodged a massive loving bullet, man. The really huge Super Mario kind with the eyes on the side, where you had to run and duck into the little divit to avoid shrinking. You did that. You got into that divit, and you're still super sized, and you can break blocks with your face. Now get out there and step on some loving turtles."

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