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TontoCorazon
Aug 18, 2007


Around two years ago in the Dominican Republic I got two large liquor bottles full of the freshest, tastiest honey for only 40 pesos a pop. 40 pesos was less than a dollar, and I enjoyed the gently caress out of that honey and I haven't ever tasted honey that tasted that good since.

Goofy white people are the worst.

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Gamma Nerd
May 14, 2012

Scathach posted:

"Artisan" honey. Guess what? All honey is made with the hands of tiny bees. Either it's all artisan or none of it is.

$29 loving dollars plus $8 s&h for less than 17oz.

https://food52.com/shop/products/39...NitbBoCD5Lw_wcB



Laurelhurst IS the yuppie neighborhood so this isn't remotely surprising.

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005


Scathach posted:

Yeah that much money for such a small amount of honey is just not cool. I can get a much larger jar of honey just as good (and with local flowers too!) without the stupid misleading hipster label from a farm down the street for $5-10.

B-but they wrote on the jar with a pen. It has to be the best.

Enfys
Feb 17, 2013

The ocean is calling and I must go

cash crab posted:

So, when I take a bath, I am activated, yes? Neat

Artisanal activated raccoon

Schubalts
Nov 26, 2007

People say bigger is better.

But for the first time in my life, I think I've gone too far.

Scathach posted:

Welp time to put radium pills up our butts. Might as well with the rest of this woo woo bullshit.

E: haha "vegan protein charcoal drink" They've gone so far away from eating food they're eating burnt, dead trees.



The gently caress is activated lemonade?

Trogdos!
Jul 11, 2009

A DRAGON POKEMAN
well technically a water/flying type

quote:

Activated charcoal is charcoal made from coconut, peat, coal or wood that’s been heated with a gas that creates internal pores, making it very absorbent. It’s traditionally administered in emergency rooms to treat poisoning or drug overdoses.

More recently, juice brands have been adding activated charcoal to lemon juice, water and sweetener (or to other juice blends) to create a beverage that they claim does everything from general detoxing to boosting metabolism to curing hangovers.

A new generation of snake oil

edit: I wonder how long it'll take until someone actually dies due to their lemonade absorbing a medicine their body needs. Ironically the medicinal carbon also absorbs the vitamins contained in the juice among other things.

Trogdos! fucked around with this message at 13:48 on Apr 10, 2016

cash crab
Apr 5, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology


Schubalts posted:

The gently caress is activated lemonade?

:) Wet lemonade.

The Moon Monster
Dec 30, 2005

Internet Kraken posted:

Now? If you live in the modern world its easy to find out that a bunch of these miracle cures are bullshit. Its funny when you just laugh at people buying into the latest crazy diet fad but not so much when it comes to stuff like Chinese folk medicine, where rich assholes drive species extinct for their magic healing powers.

Fun fact, the Chinese communist party actually promoted traditional Chinese medicine in the mid 20th century because they knew they wouldn't be able to provide real medicine to the entire population.

Internet Kraken posted:

The only way this stuff will stop is when a product actually does what they claim to do. Otherwise people are always going to buy these miracle products, forever chasing the dream of an impossible cure or low effort diet.

Except that a ton of them are used for treating completely imaginary problems (toxins etc.)

The Moon Monster fucked around with this message at 19:09 on Apr 10, 2016

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010

Trogdos! posted:

quote:

Activated charcoal
hah, yeah right

Rush Limbo
Sep 5, 2005

its with a full house

Trogdos! posted:

A new generation of snake oil

edit: I wonder how long it'll take until someone actually dies due to their lemonade absorbing a medicine their body needs. Ironically the medicinal carbon also absorbs the vitamins contained in the juice among other things.

Ever read Good Omens? In the book, one of the Four Horsemen Famine, was a CEO of a corporation that makes food with negative nutritional value so people eat as much as they want and starve to death.

I'm beginning to think he's real.

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

Scathach
Apr 4, 2011

You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.


Hey what do you have against delicious pickles? I mean unless those are more than $5 a jar.

TontoCorazon
Aug 18, 2007


Scathach posted:

Hey what do you have against delicious pickles? I mean unless those are more than $5 a jar.

Don't you see they are being activated?

ranbo das
Oct 16, 2013


Scathach posted:

Hey what do you have against delicious pickles? I mean unless those are more than $5 a jar.

Those are $17 a jar.

Internet Kraken
Apr 24, 2010

slightly amused
Oh boy I love paying extra to have random poo poo shoved in the jar with my pickles.

Scathach
Apr 4, 2011

You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.


I don't understand why they can't just make their own instead of buying super-expensive pickled things. It's easy and cheap.

Artisan Oreos-- just as unhealthy as the regular ones, except they probably cost 4x as much.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Scathach fucked around with this message at 04:53 on Apr 11, 2016

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

by Athanatos
It's amazing how current this still is:

value-brand cereal
May 2, 2008

Internet Kraken posted:

Oh boy I love paying extra to have random poo poo shoved in the jar with my pickles.

That poo poo is wearing gloves so its probably not staying in the jar, thankfully.

TontoCorazon
Aug 18, 2007


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9gGL1cnnhg

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


Marenghi posted:

Google artisan honey and read up on some stupid poo poo. Apparently artisan honey comes in varietal and mono-floral products, depending on whether the bees harvested from a single or blend of flowers. Now I'm no bee expert but they're not exactly controllable are they. How do these people know what flowers in the region they are selecting to collect pollen from. Outside of keeping a bee-hive in a green house with only selected plants can you really say exactly what flowers were used in the honey making process.
Uhhh, yes, yes they can, controlling what bees make honey from is like one of the staples of the honey industry. What you're doing here is being ignorant about actual knowledge behind a trade.

I won't defend asking some crazy money for a jar of magical honey but a smaller local honey manufacturer will absolutely offer a flavor that big companies can't achieve because they mix honey from different sources to have a consistent never-changing taste.

I really hope this thread doesn't devolve into 'why buy actually good quality local meat/cheese/honey when you can just go to Walmart' because that's just stupid.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

Internet Kraken posted:

Oh boy I love paying extra to have random poo poo shoved in the jar with my pickles.

More material for the gallery of "artisanal" crap co-opted by big corporations.



Available at your local Walmart for definitely less than $17 a jar.

Carnival of Shrews
Mar 27, 2013

You're not David Attenborough

Palpek posted:

Uhhh, yes, yes they can, controlling what bees make honey from is like one of the staples of the honey industry. What you're doing here is being ignorant about actual knowledge behind a trade.

I won't defend asking some crazy money for a jar of magical honey but a smaller local honey manufacturer will absolutely offer a flavor that big companies can't achieve because they mix honey from different sources to have a consistent never-changing taste.

I really hope this thread doesn't devolve into 'why buy actually good quality local meat/cheese/honey when you can just go to Walmart' because that's just stupid.

Agreed, but can we still point and laugh at folk who buy Manuka honey?

Global consumption: 10000 tons p/a. Amount of manuka honey made in New Zealand: 1700 tons p/a

There's something about honey that strikes some people as innately magical, and not in the "Wow, this stuff was literally siphoned out of flowers by insects, millilitre by millilitre, and took 55,000 flight miles per jar" way. Decades after it was discovered that honey is unsafe for babies because it can contain botulism spores, you can still find stuff like this (shame on you, Guardian, this is still in your Science section, a decade after I and a lot of other people pointed out that it was at least mildly demented):

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2005/aug/25/health.society

Carnival of Shrews fucked around with this message at 12:46 on Apr 11, 2016

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


Scathach posted:

Artisan Oreos-- just as unhealthy as the regular ones, except they probably cost 4x as much.


Recreating junk food using 'artisanal' methods is definitely hilarious to me:



:psyduck:

Rigged Death Trap
Feb 13, 2012

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

How.
How can you gently caress making a moulded chocolate.

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

Palpek posted:

Recreating junk food using 'artisanal' methods is definitely hilarious to me:



:psyduck:

Is that meat in there?

DrSnakeLaser
Sep 6, 2011


Palpek posted:

Recreating junk food using 'artisanal' methods is definitely hilarious to me:



:psyduck:

Did some motherfucker put kale in there?

Devonaut
Jul 10, 2001

Devoted Astronaut

cheerfullydrab posted:

More material for the gallery of "artisanal" crap co-opted by big corporations.



Available at your local Walmart for definitely less than $17 a jar.

Finally, a place for farmers to grow vegetables.

ranbo das
Oct 16, 2013


Palpek posted:

Recreating junk food using 'artisanal' methods is definitely hilarious to me:



:psyduck:

This is horrifying looking.

Bonster
Mar 3, 2007

Keep rolling, rolling

Carnival of Shrews posted:

Agreed, but can we still point and laugh at folk who buy Manuka honey?

Global consumption: 10000 tons p/a. Amount of manuka honey made in New Zealand: 1700 tons p/a

There's something about honey that strikes some people as innately magical, and not in the "Wow, this stuff was literally siphoned out of flowers by insects, millilitre by millilitre, and took 55,000 flight miles per jar" way. Decades after it was discovered that honey is unsafe for babies because it can contain botulism spores, you can still find stuff like this (shame on you, Guardian, this is still in your Science section, a decade after I and a lot of other people pointed out that it was at least mildly demented):

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2005/aug/25/health.society

I make soap with manuka honey (manuka is the tea tree). It doesn't taste that great - definitely a bitter flavor. I go to my local farmer's market for eating honey.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


Gridlocked posted:

Is that meat in there?
I admit that I thought this is a joke and that it's just some strawberry mousse but then I found the source and yes, there's meat in this snickers:




But wait, there's more, always read the title at the bottom first:


















Palpek fucked around with this message at 19:01 on Apr 11, 2016

SulfurMonoxideCute
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

I'm the ill dip.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


*specifically states that the hand-made fritos were made from non-gmo corn*

*uses foie gras in a loving artisanal chipwich*

Internet Kraken
Apr 24, 2010

slightly amused
I want no part in the future those abominations came from.

The thing that bugs me the most is the resses cup. Cause it almost looks like a nice desert, then they gently caress it all up throwing bacon on. Why do these guys think everything needs meat in it???

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


It's a nice touch that Flamin' Hot Cheetos are literally slices of fat mixed with pig ears which were my dog's favorite snack.

Tiberius Thyben
Feb 7, 2013

Gone Phishing


I'm the shaved lardo.

welcome 2 Clown Town
Aug 1, 2006

GALAXY'S #2 SCULL*!

*scrunt skull
im new to the thread so it may have been talkeda bout but i really hate putting duck fat or truffle oil on everything like its some kind of cure all for lame food

seriously

i dont need truffle oil on my peanut butter sandwich and i think it was a bit unnecessary to fry that okra in duck fat

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


tomstuart posted:

im new to the thread so it may have been talkeda bout but i really hate putting duck fat or truffle oil on everything like its some kind of cure all for lame food

seriously

i dont need truffle oil on my peanut butter sandwich and i think it was a bit unnecessary to fry that okra in duck fat
Yeah, when I read through those pics at first it was like a deconstructive artisanal bingo:
  • bacon as a 'surprise' flavor - ✓
  • stating origins of meat - ✓
  • non-gmo - ✓
  • coloring food black - ✓
  • something is charred - ✓
  • something is edible - ✓
  • foie gras - double ✓
  • kale - motherfuckig ✓

Bird in a Blender
Nov 17, 2005

It's amazing what they can do with computers these days.

Internet Kraken posted:

I want no part in the future those abominations came from.

The thing that bugs me the most is the resses cup. Cause it almost looks like a nice desert, then they gently caress it all up throwing bacon on. Why do these guys think everything needs meat in it???

Thank you. It never ceases to amaze me how certain chefs feel they can't make something without adding meat. Every single thing has meat added to it, even things like the twinkie and chipwich. Desserts do not need meat.

Jyrraeth
Aug 1, 2008

I love this dino
SOOOO MUCH

But how can you assert your nouveau-masculinity without adding meat? Kale and sugar are icky and feminine and non-paleo, gotta have that bacon from pigs that have been listening to ASMR 30 minutes every day.

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Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof
I'm the pear puree that looks like exhausted poop.

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