Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

Parallelwoody: Apr 10, 2008

Someone called for a haiku:

A new life promised
Only given to Croberts
Backers paid for it

Dog edit:
oh god dog was huge.

Parallelwoody fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Apr 13, 2016

# ? Apr 13, 2016 16:46

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 19:07

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Where did Ben's wrists go?

# ? Apr 13, 2016 16:46

flyboi: Oct 13, 2005; agg stop posting; College Slice

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

CIG is not a public company. It is a private company that people have been giving gifts to for the past four years, with an agreement that in exchange for those gifts CIG would provide some kind of game and associated content. CIG has absolutely no requirement whatsoever to provide any kind of financial transparency, and frankly they have no reason to do so given the blind loyalty people have displayed towards them. Sandi herself made that clear in her exchange with me. Depending on your country and local laws you can make the argument that your gift was actually a purchase (and frankly you should be making this argument and demanding a chargeback at this point), but CIG sure as gently caress isn't going to help you. The only way people will know CIG's financial status is if they go bankrupt, someone leaks the financials, an investigation ends up with information being public, or CIG themselves shares it.

Sandi can say whatever she wants to make herself feel special but that doesn't change the rules of Kickstarter. Perhaps anyone who purchased after are hosed but if you put money in the original Kickstarter you are due a product regardless of "gifts." FTC and local municipalities have both ruled against people who did not deliver backers their due product and there are plenty of laws of what constitutes a gift or donation in terms of supporting a corporation.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 16:47

TTerrible: Jul 15, 2005

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Where did Ben's wrists go?

Sausage hooves

# ? Apr 13, 2016 16:48

ZenMaster: Jan 24, 2006; I Saved PC Gaming

Lladre posted:

You can sue anyone for anything. Does not mean you will be successful at it.

Not to mention you have the whole kickstarter and post kickstarter exchange of money.

You ask for ten million to try and go climb a mountain. People give you 111 million instead.
You spend 11 million on your "attempt" and snort the rest up your nose. They are going to have an uphill battle trying to sue for that 90 million.

EDIT: Catte pic.

The scarf was because he had just had a spinal tap done to him . not for fashion.

One time I had a Spinal Tap themed party. It went to eleven.

(and then I kicked everyone out and made people go home)

# ? Apr 13, 2016 16:51

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Legman for SP:

(please don't judge me)

Beet Wagon fucked around with this message at 17:00 on Apr 13, 2016

# ? Apr 13, 2016 16:56

Morningwoodpecker: Jan 17, 2016; I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR SOMEONE TO BE THIS STUPID

BUT HERE YOU ARE

SurfaceDetail posted:

All I was saying is that Derek's whole "FRAUD JAILTIME SUING" schtick is dumb and as far as we can see at the moment, more bluster.

I'm not saying categorically that I'm a mole on Ben's back and know everything is legit. Y'all need to chill.

The thing about both fraud and investigation is that if you do it in public you gently caress it up.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:01

Eldragon: Feb 22, 2003

TTerrible posted:

In the UK at least all packages and ships are most definitely purchases, without any doubt. You do not charge VAT on donations.

Same in the USA. When you make a donation, any gift you receive as a thank you for the donation counts against the value of the donation. While people can bicker about the value of jpegs, the fact remains CIG placed a very clear value on each ship that can be melted, refunded, gifted, etc.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:03

TTerrible: Jul 15, 2005

That the ships are just "gifts" for "donating" to help development is one of the arguments trotted out most often yet the easiest to shoot down. I don't know why it has held on this long.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:05

Beer4TheBeerGod: Aug 23, 2004; Exciting Lemon

TTerrible posted:

That the ships are just "gifts" for "donating" to help development is one of the arguments trotted out most often yet the easiest to shoot down. I don't know why it has held on this long.

Because CIG is the one making the argument, and most people don't bother trying a chargeback after being told LOL NO REFUNDS THE GAME IS OUT.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:08

Oleyo: Mar 28, 2016

AP posted:

Peter, a crack bug hunting team at CIG is recreating everything you do in your videos to find bugs, r/dereksmart want more of this when you have time.

C'mon, even the most hardened commando can't fail to crack a smile at pgabz vids. They are pure gold.

Actually I think the first time I sought out the SA forum was when I saw the Gary Oldman airhorn fake item shop page. I might have even found it on the r/ds page... I nearly did an actual spit take. I am not sure who actually made that one, but he certainly uses it to great effect. (only 12,000 UEC!)

I don't know why that one makes me laugh so hard, but for some reason the actual airhorn body being in the image and the Paaaaarp word bubble get me everytime.

*posted from p3157

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:12

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

Orions Lord posted:

I do SC promised a total space sim package that a lot of people liked.
Now they can't deliver and they are dishonest about it.

The product that is online now is awful.

1- you should have known that everything is subject to change, this is pre-alpha
2- never invest more than you can lose

You should feel shame.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:13

CrazyLoon: Aug 10, 2015; "..."

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

Chris Roberts is a master of making others believe their dreams will be realized. In reality the only dream that matters is his own.

I still remember that comic ending with "Dreams. Dreams happen now." And it was absolutely right - CR's dreams...which he keeps mushmouthing into whatever looks prettiest in his personal Hollywood dreamscape at any given moment.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:16

Matlock Birthmark: Sep 24, 2005; I wanted this to happen!!; Soiled Meat

Oleyo posted:

C'mon, even the most hardened commando can't fail to crack a smile at pgabz vids. They are pure gold.

Actually I think the first time I sought out the SA forum was when I saw the Gary Oldman airhorn fake item shop page. I might have even found it on the r/ds page... I nearly did an actual spit take. I am not sure who actually made that one, but he certainly uses it to great effect. (only 12,000 UEC!)

Coincidentally enough, I'm pretty sure that image was made by :pgabz:

as well.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:16

SurfaceDetail: Feb 17, 2016; by Cowcaster

You win some you lose some that's poker

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:17

Toops: Nov 5, 2015; -find mood stabilizers
-also,

Beet Wagon posted:

Toops I've got those finished shots of Legman for SP. Do you want me to like email them to you or just post them up?

Both =D

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:17

CrazyLoon: Aug 10, 2015; "..."

Oleyo posted:

C'mon, even the most hardened commando can't fail to crack a smile at pgabz vids. They are pure gold.

For me, the Dancy Cat Hoedown is an absolute must for background muzak while reading and posting about Star Citizen now.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:17

Oleyo: Mar 28, 2016

peter gabriel posted:

Yeah I get these guys all the time in my comments, they are trying the old switcheroony by thanking me for my input in bug testing, it's just another way of them trying to tell me to gently caress off but in the most transparently passive aggressive way on earth.
I always make sure to thank them and that their comments are the reason I keep making videos
It is like a mating ritual now

I thinkk I enjoy the comments as much as the vids:

Commando: Wall of text trying to pick a fight/raise inane objections/insult pgabz
pgabz: Thank u commando
Commando: ... slowly shuffles away , while adjusting his cardboard Cap'n Crunch epaulets, and trying to maintain dignity

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:19

Diatom: Mar 27, 2009

TTerrible posted:

No, it does not. A visit from the FCA is serious. They do not visit unless real poo poo is happening.

Coming from the UK banking industry, the FCA is the UK banking regulator, they don't handle tax matters (HM Revenue & Customs) or fraud (The SFO or the police). Unless Cloud imperium is offering investment products, even if CR was pocketing all the cash, the FCA would not be involved.

Not sure what Derek was talking about.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:19

SurfaceDetail: Feb 17, 2016; by Cowcaster

I was gonna invest 2500 into SC but I put 2000 into some diversified mutual funds and the rest into a gold plated butt plug.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:19

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Toops posted:

Both =D

I figured you'd say that so I swallowed my shame and posted them somewhere higher on this page. What's the SP email again?

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:22

TTerrible: Jul 15, 2005

Diatom posted:

Coming from the UK banking industry, the FCA is the UK banking regulator, they don't handle tax matters (HM Revenue & Customs) or fraud (The SFO or the police). Unless Cloud imperium is offering investment products, even if CR was pocketing all the cash, the FCA would not be involved.

Not sure what Derek was talking about.

I thought this too, but apparently its something to do with the tax credits scheme or something. Loxbourne is also in the industry, I believe. He was talking about it at length.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:23

Crazy_BlackParrot: Feb 1, 2016; Christ Roberts is way better than toilet lord...

Crazy_BlackParrot fucked around with this message at 17:26 on Apr 13, 2016

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:23

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

TTerrible posted:

Worked for Dolvak

nah that was whatsisname creamsoda

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:24

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

Beet Wagon posted:

Legman for SP:

(please don't judge me)

What the literal gently caress dude :psyduck:

And all this was pre-Stimpire?

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:27

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

Beet Wagon posted:

Legman for SP:

(please don't judge me)

Will you confirm this is your girlfriend right away or should we let it rest for a couple pages

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:28

Tortolia: Dec 29, 2005; Hindustan Electronics Employee of the Month, July 2008; Grimey Drawer

Goddamn it Beet Wagon

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:29

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

Beet Wagon posted:

Legman for SP:

(please don't judge me)

Somebody throw this up as a sex doll on ebay

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:30

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Tijuana Bibliophile posted:

What the literal gently caress dude

And all this was pre-Stimpire?

Yes

Tijuana Bibliophile posted:

Will you confirm this is your girlfriend right away or should we let it rest for a couple pages

Tortolia posted:

Goddamn it Beet Wagon

I'm so sorry :negative:

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:31

big nipples big life: May 12, 2014

Beet do you ever wake up in the morning and find legman and hitler baby in places other than you left them when you went to bed?

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:32

Toops: Nov 5, 2015; -find mood stabilizers
-also,

SurfaceDetail posted:

I have 2 completionist packages.

Is it really up for debate that they've spent most of the cash? I know they've hired hundreds of staff and opened several locations around the world with top end equipment over 4 years. Everyone knows that

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:33

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Wafflz posted:

Beet do you ever wake up in the morning and find legman and hitler baby in places other than you left them when you went to bed?

Kelly used to move Hitlerbaby around in the night when she got up to pee, which freaked me the gently caress out because in the mornings I get up first.

Legman lives in my workshop at work, because until today he wasn't finished. He was missing a foot and couldn't stand on his own until I finally unlocked his storage cabinet to finish him for Toops.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:34

Tortolia: Dec 29, 2005; Hindustan Electronics Employee of the Month, July 2008; Grimey Drawer

On the bright side you have some fantastically unique Halloween decorations there

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:36

Berious: Nov 13, 2005

SurfaceDetail posted:

I was gonna invest 2500 into SC but I put 2000 into some diversified mutual funds and the rest into a gold plated butt plug.

There's a goon selling a butt plug in gibbis right now

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:36

SurfaceDetail: Feb 17, 2016; by Cowcaster

I know I got it for 35 Canadian funny money dollars

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:38

Diatom: Mar 27, 2009

TTerrible posted:

I thought this too, but apparently its something to do with the tax credits scheme or something. Loxbourne is also in the industry, I believe. He was talking about it at length.

Cool. Wasn't my area anyways so I am in no way an authority.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:38

Dante80: Mar 23, 2015

The right foot being a plank makes this very, very good btw.

# ? Apr 13, 2016 17:39

Toops: Nov 5, 2015; -find mood stabilizers
-also,

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

CIG is not a public company. It is a private company that people have been giving gifts to for the past four years, with an agreement that in exchange for those gifts CIG would provide some kind of game and associated content. CIG has absolutely no requirement whatsoever to provide any kind of financial transparency, and frankly they have no reason to do so given the blind loyalty people have displayed towards them. Sandi herself made that clear in her exchange with me. Depending on your country and local laws you can make the argument that your gift was actually a purchase (and frankly you should be making this argument and demanding a chargeback at this point), but CIG sure as gently caress isn't going to help you. The only way people will know CIG's financial status is if they go bankrupt, someone leaks the financials, an investigation ends up with information being public, or CIG themselves shares it.

They thought Star Citizen was going to give them the escapist fantasy of their dreams. Roberts is a master at enabling people to take a subjective concept, fill in the gaps with their own dreams, and then act on the resulting construct in a manner that benefits him. His method is fairly simple but well established. First, focus on a scale that's seemingly impossible, but use a combination of sheer force of will and technical expertise (yours or others) to waylay doubts. Second, create a vision for a game that's incredibly specific in some places and intentionally vague in others so that the audience will be convinced of the whole picture but fill in the gaps to best meet their individual desires. Third, make the audience feel like they are part of the process and get them emotionally involved so that they will be motivated to spend more on their specific dream. Fourth, repeat the process as you slowly expand the scope.

People didn't buy into Star Citizen because Chris Roberts told them their lives mattered. They bought into Star Citizen because Roberts told them they could be someone else and live vicariously through an alter ego that was perfectly tailored to whatever their personal dream was. For me it was the possibility of bringing forth the next EVE, of exploiting a community full of idiot manchildren who cry at the mere possibility of sharing a server with a griefer. For others it was the exact opposite; a safe space where players could freely RP to their hearts content and rely on the security of the game to keep them from facing undesirables. Others dreamed of exploring new worlds and discovering their own system, or of being a merchant amassing millions, or a dashing rogue who smuggles profit and has a heart of gold, or a myriad of other ideals. The very fact that EVERYONE could see the same thing and come up with their own perfect, ideal construct of what Star Citizen will be should have been a major warning sign. It took years for me to realize it, and only because CIG steadfastly refused to do anything about the schisms in the community. The three greatest conflicts in SC's community (conflicts that still aren't resolved) are PvP/PvE, joystick/mouse, and solo/organization. Each conflict reflects a clash of different playstyles (carebear vs griefer, hardcore vs casual, individual vs group), and yet CIG's only response was a reassurance that everyone would be happy. Eventually the conflicts raged on long enough that I had to accept the truth; Chris Roberts never intended to address them. He can't, because when he does it would immediately ostracize and anger those who were playing Star Citizen the "wrong" way. So long as he remained noncommittal people would still believe, and believers are the ones who donate.

There's only one dream that's going to be realized, and that's whatever is in the head of Chris Roberts. His dream is not about gameplay, or mechanics, or controllers, or playstyles. His dream is about scale and appearances. His dream is to be the director of the greatest narrative ever constructed, which is why he can spend months directing performance capture while the core of his game is so terrible that he can't even play it. His dream is about hanging around with making a virtual movie, which is why CitizenCon spent more time talking about the script and the actors than showing the actual game. His dream requires a commercial grade espresso machine, so he purchases one. His dream requires a fancy new office with high end furniture and a custom door that will impress anyone who comes in, so he purchases it all. His dream requires AAA actors who will cost millions, so he hires them. His dream requires CryEngine to work, so he poaches all of the necessary talent and establishes a fourth office in a new country. His dream requires more time, so he'll ignore any deadline he wants. Anything outside of his dream, like the expectations of the hundreds of thousands of backers who funded him, are irrelevant and will be ignored.

Chris Roberts is a master of making others believe their dreams will be realized. In reality the only dream that matters is his own.