a friend's dad

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raton: Jul 28, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

I was over at my friends house in middle school and he had an apple tree on a lot that only made these kinda small bad looking apples. They weren't crab apples they were just lousy apples. He showed me that you could take about a four foot long stick and jam it into the apple then use the stick to wing that fucker real far away. We were chucking them over a city block and the houses that were on it so they smashed into the street the next block over and exploded in good fashion. His dad, who is and was a huge pussy, came out and saw us doing this, then got into a hippie camper van and slowly drove around the block to see the carnage, then drove back and parked, all while we were throwing apples. Then he came up to us and said "You can't be doing this! It's making a huge mess in the street! This isn't New Jersey!!!" and huffed back into the house.

This same dad "retired" from the world's cushiest job as a fine arts professor at a university in his thirties. He is a potter so this was the only conceivable avenue of income for him and he just hosed it off. My friend didn't have heat in his house growing up because of it. He had to wear his sister's hand me down pants one year because of it.

After my friend was out of college his grandma died and this gave him enough money to go back to college to be a nurse (this is what his sister and brother ended up doing too). His grandma also gave his dad about ten million dollars in her will. So now he is a comfortably wealthy man who bought a car for his ex wife (my friend's mom died of lung cancer in 5th grade, this is his second wife that he was married to for a few months in his sixties) and go on package tours to Italy all the time.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:29

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 19:58

dad gay. so what: Feb 18, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

im at a bit of a loss, forgive me

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:32

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

is this part of the Animals series sheep goats

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:35

satanic splash-back: Jan 28, 2009

i learned one should always shower with one's dad, not a friend's dad

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:37

raton: Jul 28, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

I double juked you clowns lol

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:41

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Are people still confusing the post and reply buttons after all these years?

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:41

BeefThief: Aug 8, 2007

how ya like them apples, op

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:45

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

just club him over the head and steal his credit card

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:46

Kuato: Feb 25, 2005; "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"; Buglord

Thank you for sharing this with me. It sure does mean a lot to me.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:46

Kuato: Feb 25, 2005; "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"; Buglord

What is it like to interact with humans or to have one you can call a "friend"?

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:47

Horniest Manticore: Nov 23, 2013; Hello, you!; Lipstick Apathy

TURN DOWN FOR WHAT

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:48

raton: Jul 28, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

Kuato posted:

What is it like to interact with humans or to have one you can call a "friend"?

I don't remember.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:48

Nolan Arenado: May 8, 2009

I'm having deja vu :tinfoil:

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:48

trash person: Apr 5, 2006; Baby Executive is pleased with your performance!

Kuato posted:

What is it like to interact with humans or to have one you can call a "friend"?

I've watched a lot of One Tree Hill and Dawson's Creek, so being an expert I'd say having friends feels like

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:50

Soup du Journey: Mar 20, 2006; by FactsAreUseless

sorry about your wierd dad tale. im gonna turn my young lover into my blushing bride, just you watch

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:50

Caeks: Dec 27, 2009

I once saw my friend's mom naked while my friend's dad was away at work.

I was 10 and couldn't seal the deal. What a loving loser.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:54

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

Sheep-Goats posted:

I was over at my friends house in middle school and he had an apple tree on a lot that only made these kinda small bad looking apples. They weren't crab apples they were just lousy apples. He showed me that you could take about a four foot long stick and jam it into the apple then use the stick to wing that fucker real far away. We were chucking them over a city block and the houses that were on it so they smashed into the street the next block over and exploded in good fashion. His dad, who is and was a huge pussy, came out and saw us doing this, then got into a hippie camper van and slowly drove around the block to see the carnage, then drove back and parked, all while we were throwing apples. Then he came up to us and said "You can't be doing this! It's making a huge mess in the street! This isn't New Jersey!!!" and huffed back into the house.

This same dad "retired" from the world's cushiest job as a fine arts professor at a university in his thirties. He is a potter so this was the only conceivable avenue of income for him and he just hosed it off. My friend didn't have heat in his house growing up because of it. He had to wear his sister's hand me down pants one year because of it.

After my friend was out of college his grandma died and this gave him enough money to go back to college to be a nurse (this is what his sister and brother ended up doing too). His grandma also gave his dad about ten million dollars in her will. So now he is a comfortably wealthy man who bought a car for his ex wife (my friend's mom died of lung cancer in 5th grade, this is his second wife that he was married to for a few months in his sixties) and go on package tours to Italy all the time.

sheep goats, i gotta be honest and say i been away a while and dont remember if i like you or not

but this? this thread here? this is a bad thread. i will reserve judgement on you as a poster until i can re-familiarize myself with your work.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 04:59

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

idk I thought it was a pretty interesting story

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:02

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

SciFiDownBeat posted:

idk I thought it was a pretty interesting story

maybe sheep-goats is like the Nicolas Winding Refn of goons. smart people get it but us fat dipshits in the flyover states want more explosions

i don't get the thread, but then again i put ranch dressing on my pizza and my dad is in prison for making meth

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:07

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

I remember my friend Carrie's mom coming unglued because we were riding his Roller Racer in the driveway when she wanted to pull in. She jumped out of her car and screamed "no one respects you Carrie! Not even the ants on the ground respect you!"

She was bonkers but I don't know if she ever became a millionaire or not.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:08

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

imo i'd like to see more little anecdotes and stories from goons. also I love blue cheese on my pizza

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:21

social vegan: Nov 7, 2014

cool didn't read ur big story but at middle school i was busy playing magic the gathering and drowning in trim can't hold a cool dude down and i must be tapping islands cuz it's wet in here awoo awoo that's the sound me and my squad made when we won a game or the heart of a fair lass

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:21

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

social vegan posted:

cool didn't read ur big story but at middle school i was busy playing magic the gathering and drowning in trim can't hold a cool dude down and i must be tapping islands cuz it's wet in here awoo awoo that's the sound me and my squad made when we won a game or the heart of a fair lass

see? like michael bay, social vegan is a crowd pleaser. in hootin and a hollerin and ima tell my friends to go see the show

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:26

social vegan: Nov 7, 2014

me in middle school: i play dawn elemental drat woman get off my dick i'm straight edge trying to uphold these morals i play magic for a cause drat another oman ugh good grief *looks at camera*

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:28

Amorphous Abode: Apr 2, 2010; We may have finally found unobtainium but I will never find eywa.

I'm gonna get some friend dad facts off of my chest here.
My friend's dad buys the giant bags of frozen meatballs and dumps them in a crockpot with a lot of BBQ sauce.
Another friend's dad walks around his house in nothing but his underwear and a tie-dyed painters hat, regardless if guests are over or not.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:37

Unity Gain: Sep 15, 2007; dancing blue

Sheep-Goats posted:

I was over at my friends house in middle school and he had an apple tree on a lot that only made these kinda small bad looking apples. They weren't crab apples they were just lousy apples. He showed me that you could take about a four foot long stick and jam it into the apple then use the stick to wing that fucker real far away. We were chucking them over a city block and the houses that were on it so they smashed into the street the next block over and exploded in good fashion. His dad, who is and was a huge pussy, came out and saw us doing this, then got into a hippie camper van and slowly drove around the block to see the carnage, then drove back and parked, all while we were throwing apples. Then he came up to us and said "You can't be doing this! It's making a huge mess in the street! This isn't New Jersey!!!" and huffed back into the house.

This same dad "retired" from the world's cushiest job as a fine arts professor at a university in his thirties. He is a potter so this was the only conceivable avenue of income for him and he just hosed it off. My friend didn't have heat in his house growing up because of it. He had to wear his sister's hand me down pants one year because of it.

After my friend was out of college his grandma died and this gave him enough money to go back to college to be a nurse (this is what his sister and brother ended up doing too). His grandma also gave his dad about ten million dollars in her will. So now he is a comfortably wealthy man who bought a car for his ex wife (my friend's mom died of lung cancer in 5th grade, this is his second wife that he was married to for a few months in his sixties) and go on package tours to Italy all the time.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:37

social vegan: Nov 7, 2014

The Silver Snail posted:

I'm gonna get some friend dad facts off of my chest here.
My friend's dad buys the giant bags of frozen meatballs and dumps them in a crockpot with a lot of BBQ sauce.
Another friend's dad walks around his house in nothing but his underwear and a tie-dyed painters hat, regardless if guests are over or not.

cool brokeback mountain sequel

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:38

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

The Silver Snail posted:

I'm gonna get some friend dad facts off of my chest here.
My friend's dad buys the giant bags of frozen meatballs and dumps them in a crockpot with a lot of BBQ sauce.
Another friend's dad walks around his house in nothing but his underwear and a tie-dyed painters hat, regardless if guests are over or not.

I loved it as a teenager if my friend's dads were the underwear around the house types, especially if they had the kind of dong that pointed straight out so you knew what was what instead of just a generic pouch of genitalia.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:42

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

my friend's dad showed us a video of a lady smoking a cigarette with her vagina

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:57

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

i tried to read the op but my eyes glazed over after the first sentence and then i read the last sentence and then hit reply.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:59

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

op coiuld you use more words?

# ? Jul 14, 2016 05:59

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Serious shitposting going on here... I'll just move on by.

Hope yer dads are good

# ? Jul 14, 2016 06:01

hot cocoa on the couch: Dec 8, 2009

That was the most boring story I've ever read by you op. Shame on you

# ? Jul 14, 2016 06:17

raton: Jul 28, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

A misanthrope posted:

but this? this thread here?

At least someone is asking the right questions

# ? Jul 14, 2016 06:19

communism bitch: Apr 24, 2009

Neither me nor any of my close friends growing up had a father while we were growing up we all came from broken homes without male role models op and thats why i turned out like this

# ? Jul 14, 2016 06:23

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

Oberleutnant posted:

Neither me nor any of my close friends growing up had a father while we were growing up we all came from broken homes without male role models op and thats why i turned out like this

now that is an obvious fakepost, as i always served as your father figure (i fukked ur mom lol)

# ? Jul 14, 2016 06:25

raton: Jul 28, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

Oberleutnant posted:

Neither me nor any of my close friends growing up had a father while we were growing up we all came from broken homes without male role models op and thats why i turned out like this

That's cool

Wanna get drunk and drive up the forest roads and whatever animals we hit we hit?

# ? Jul 14, 2016 06:25