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Kavak posted:Monique learn to bury your poo poo and Ruby learn to tolerate brushes, your fur is knotting up like mad. Daisy, when she was alive, was loving obese and couldn't lick a gigantic patch on her back to clean it, so it was always matted and she had one particular mat that stuck up like a cowlick. We had to scruff her and ply her with treats to get the Furminator through it. I miss you, doobug 
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Oct 14, 2016 14:02
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D34THROW posted:Daisy, when she was alive, was loving obese and couldn't lick a gigantic patch on her back to clean it, so it was always matted and she had one particular mat that stuck up like a cowlick. We had to scruff her and ply her with treats to get the Furminator through it. The Furminator is the best thing ever. Send your kids to school and tell them to bum lunch from other children if you're tight on cash.
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Oct 14, 2016 14:53
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 You stinky gently caress, my side is not the place for your nasty rear end; I've smelled what comes out of that. I love you, but gently caress off.  What the gently caress is your obsession with the garage? You both sit out there for hours on end for no reason other than to sit out there.
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Oct 20, 2016 13:09
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D34THROW posted:
I can hear the MEEEEWWR of the left one.
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Oct 22, 2016 05:13
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D34THROW posted:
You have mice.
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Oct 22, 2016 20:02
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Kavak posted:Vixen, shut up. Please for the love of god for just one day shut up! You will be fed, you will always be fed, you do not have to headbutt my door open to demand wet food, let me go to the bathroom and get dressed first. Yowling nonstop will not speed me up. Can relate. One of our cats will scream for hours as soon as she hears or sees anybody get near the kitchen, doesn't matter if it's feeding time or not or if their bowl is full. What makes it best is that every now and then someone will come out and give them scraps, she'll smell them, decide she doesn't like them and go away and shut up. I think it's more about "look at me I am hungry give food look at me look at me" than actually, you know, wanting to eat whatever we are cooking. On another food-related note... Dear platy fishies, all ten of you: you were born here and we really have a soft spot for you, but you really do not need to eat 24-7. The watersprite looks like someone has been piercing it with a tiny needle. You will all cramp around the surface as soon as you see movement and literally try to bite anything put in the tank, be it food, a hand or the fishnet. Or snails. You literally killed one of the new snails a couple days ago by biting all over it until you found the animal and pulled it out like a cooked scargot  . I have to be extra careful when cleaning the crystals because you seem to think the scratcher is edible too and I don't want to cut any of you in half. You are and look well-fed, in fact we have had problems with overfeeding before, but even after getting choke full of pea (which you love to pieces), you will still act like you're dying of hunger. Just... chill out, please.
Shellception fucked around with this message at 14:20 on Oct 23, 2016 |
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Oct 23, 2016 14:18
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We found a tiny snail in our goldfish tank once. It must've come in on a fresh bundle of plants, and we figured it was big enough to not get eaten while watching it happily climb along the wall of the tank. Then one of our fatass goldfish swam over, stopped in front of the snail whilr clearly giving it a real hard look, and swallowed it whole  .
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Oct 23, 2016 20:08
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Thin Privilege posted:I can hear the MEEEEWWR of the left one. That's exactly how he loving meows and I mock him in an equally kittenish "raowr!" because he thinks he's a loving lion. He doesn't bury his diarrhea either. EDIT: Just got reminded. The wife and I used to keep the door open so the cats could come in and out because they like to lay with us at night. We just got a new bed and bed frame...can't keep the door open anymore. Used to be Quiggs would only scratch if he needed something, but now his annoying rear end lays under the bed and scratches just to loving scratch something, which is loud and wakes our daughter up. Fuckhead. D34THROW fucked around with this message at 16:43 on Oct 25, 2016 |
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Oct 25, 2016 14:10
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At about 4 this morning, Lydia commenced her attack against the corner of the bed. Then she got her claw stuck? I guess? I just woke up and it was dark so I couldn't tell. I just know there was a hideously screaming cat affixed to the corner of the bed, thrashing like a fish on a hook.Of course when I tried to unhook her claw, she yowled more and scrabbled at my hand with her other three paws. Congratulations, you cunning huntress, you completely got your rear end kicked by a piece of stationary furniture, and then shredded the person who was trying to help you free yourself from the problem you got yourself into because you can't figure out how to operate claws that you've had your entire life. You're bad at being a cat and should find other work.
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Oct 25, 2016 14:43
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hogmartin posted:You're bad at being a cat and should find other work. Empirical evidence suggests that she is, in fact, doing exactly what cats do and is a typical sample of position.
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Oct 25, 2016 16:25
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CainFortea posted:Empirical evidence suggests that she is, in fact, doing exactly what cats do and is a typical sample of position. Waking people up at 4am and shredding them is definitely right up cat alley, and so is getting into trouble and mauling anyone who tries to help. She got into existential kill-or-die terror attacking a mattress because OH GOD THERE ARE THESE HOOK THINGS ON MY PAWS HOW DID THEY GET THERE HOW DO I WORK THEM. But my parents' cat has been followed for years by a tail that he startles him at any moment and that he can't catch or kill, so I guess it's par for the course.
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Oct 26, 2016 02:21
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I know you're 15, and you're actually a very adorable, well behaved cat... but dear god you stink sometimes. We've changed your food around, tried all kinds of stuff, but you still fart and I have to open every window in the house while lighting every candle we own. I once worked in a slaughterhouse and even that smell wasn't this bad. Your rear end is a toxic waste dump and we only tolerate it because you're like, retirement age for a cat. He knows it too, look at this smug gently caress: 
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Oct 31, 2016 21:31
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That is a really pretty cat you have there, love the long hair  . And yeah, he totally knows what he's doing, and that he's getting away with it...
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Nov 3, 2016 22:56
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Suki you are broken https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPD25ghelJY
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Nov 4, 2016 03:31
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Dear Society Finches: In retrospect, I should have paid more attention. When one of you went missing in August, I kind of shrugged and assumed he slipped away while I was cleaning the cage or something. Not that easy, but it could happen and there are a lot of cats in the neighbourhood so  . Nobody else went missing so I knew there were no hidden holes in the birdcage either.Fast forward to today. One of you appears dead just below the one nest you all use to sleep. All seven of you. I thought you finally had managed to suffocate the unlucky guy on the bottom by cramming yourselves in. Which, you know, you don't need to do since there are other four completely identical nests in the cage, but whatever. Thing is, the dead guy looked a bit... off. Like he had been dead for a long time and mummified. Then I counted you. And guess what. I got seven birds. You have been sharing the nest with your dead relative. For four months. You sick fucks.
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Nov 13, 2016 12:46
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Dear Harriet. I have a sprained knee. I do require this cane. I would appreciate it if you stopped charging my cane and body slamming it out of my hand. I'd rather not be lying on the floor when my leg gives out.
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Nov 13, 2016 22:36
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bunnyofdoom posted:Dear Harriet. The moment you fall to the floor, Harriet's gonna go for the throat and finish you off  .
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Nov 14, 2016 09:34
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Neon, My sweatpants are pants. They're still pants even when I pull the legs over my feet to keep warm so please stop trying to either murder the ends of my pant-legs or drag them off me like a pair of socks. It's a battle you'll never win and it's super annoying when I'm trying to chill on the couch.
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Nov 15, 2016 02:33
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Orangie, I love you but please never stand over a candle and set yourself on fire again. The whole house smells like burnt fur and the scorch marks on your tummy look quite silly.
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Nov 19, 2016 20:23
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Brand New Malaysian Wife posted:Orangie, I love you but please never stand over a candle and set yourself on fire again. The whole house smells like burnt fur and the scorch marks on your tummy look quite silly. Our older cat would sit near the heat, and accidentally ended up putting the tip of her tail inside more than once. It stinks for a good time, yeah.
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Nov 20, 2016 00:20
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One of my childhood cats set herself alight like that. We had candles going because it had been storming out earlier, and were feeling too lazy to put them out just yet. She was stretched out asleep on the coffee table near them, and rolled over- near enough for her belly fluff to flop over into one of the smaller ones. No one noticed 'til the smell of burned hair started, then everyone lunged for her at once. For her part she hardly seemed to notice a shorter patch in her stomach fur for a while, she just enjoyed all the attention. VVV Athos has done that. She jumped up onto the stove roughly thirty seconds after I took a pot off of the (electric) burner, hopped right the gently caress back off. She didn't seem hurt by it, but she hasn't jumped back directly onto the stove since. Malachite_Dragon fucked around with this message at 04:04 on Nov 22, 2016 |
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Nov 22, 2016 03:51
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Our cat Vixen walked between two candles on the dining table, singed her sides, and failed to notice. Her new habit of exploring the kitchen counter for food is going to result in her stepping on the stove one of these days.
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Nov 22, 2016 03:53
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Kavak posted:Her new habit of exploring the kitchen counter for food is going to result in her stepping on the stove one of these days. I had a cat who took up the same hobby by leaping up from the floor. We cleared everything off the counter, stacked empty soda cans 3 high around the wall of the counter, and sprayed cooking oil on the surface. Then we waited. He was dumb as a box of hammers, but one encounter with sliding uncontrollably into loud things falling on him and then scrabbling uselessly on the floor with greasy paws trying to escape was enough for him to seek other pursuits.
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Nov 22, 2016 12:42
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hogmartin posted:I had a cat who took up the same hobby by leaping up from the floor. We cleared everything off the counter, stacked empty soda cans 3 high around the wall of the counter, and sprayed cooking oil on the surface. Then we waited. He was dumb as a box of hammers, but one encounter with sliding uncontrollably into loud things falling on him and then scrabbling uselessly on the floor with greasy paws trying to escape was enough for him to seek other pursuits. And you didn't capture this on video why? 
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Nov 22, 2016 13:19
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Neddy Seagoon posted:And you didn't capture this on video why? It was around 2000 and we didn't have a suitable camera, plus he'd never do it if we were in the room. I do wish I could have seen it, but hearing it from the living room and mentally picturing it was pretty hilarious. hogmartin fucked around with this message at 13:26 on Nov 22, 2016 |
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Nov 22, 2016 13:22
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Cat, your name is now poo poo MACHINE
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Nov 25, 2016 17:25
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Sun Wu Kampf posted:Cat, your name is now poo poo MACHINE good post/av going, nice work.
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Nov 25, 2016 17:30
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Mister, that *is* for you, but not like that you dumb poo poo. And you are about 70% as heavy as that box of litter and if it breaks you are going to be dinner. http://imgur.com/a/69uJ3
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Dec 14, 2016 18:31
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Markoff Chaney posted:Mister, that *is* for you, but not like that you dumb poo poo. And you are about 70% as heavy as that box of litter and if it breaks you are going to be dinner. Did the fluffy rear end in a top hat really void in there or please tell me he's just sitting I was holding Mimi (the girl piggy) the other night, then got Kai out. He bit a hole in my brand-new loving Fallout shirt and broke the skin because she must have pissed on Vault Boy's face or something. loving fat nugget rear end in a top hat.
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Dec 14, 2016 18:39
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D34THROW posted:Did the fluffy rear end in a top hat really void in there or please tell me he's just sitting He did not poo poo on the box of litter, just decided it was a good perch despite having 2 couches, several chairs, 2 cat cylinders, and the fat poo poo is even allowed on tables and counters if there isn't food there. Way to pick the lowest and most uncomfortable and ironic perch, rear end in a top hat. Vanadium Dame fucked around with this message at 19:04 on Dec 14, 2016 |
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Dec 14, 2016 19:02
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Thin Privilege posted:Now because I actually got out of the room at 4 am he's been mewing at me for food all day, despite having been fed. Lesson to all: ignore your cats mrewing outside your bedroom door, no matter the cost My girlfriend broke down on this with our three kitten siblings. When we got them she demanded that they not be in our room at night (she wasn't ever exposed to cats growing up). She successfully kept them shut out and could ignore them for several weeks until we got them fixed at the 5 month mark. At that point she felt so bad for them crying at the door and the female generally being uncomfortable from the spay that she let them in. Three months later, they still sleep in bed with us, we just gave up on trying to keep them out because 'sad cat meow' breaks my girlfriend so badly she'll give them anything they want. They got her trained real fast. They've settled down well enough now that they've stopped biting toes and only occasionally tussle over who gets to be the most firmly wedged between myself and my girlfriend on the bed.
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Dec 14, 2016 22:32
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Markoff Chaney posted:Mister, that *is* for you, but not like that you dumb poo poo. And you are about 70% as heavy as that box of litter and if it breaks you are going to be dinner. Clearly the correct thing to do is tape a cat circle in the middle of your living room.
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Dec 14, 2016 23:02
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grack posted:Clearly the correct thing to do is tape a cat circle in the middle of your living room. They would eat the tape and then try the carpet for a second course.
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Dec 14, 2016 23:41
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grack posted:Clearly the correct thing to do is tape a cat circle in the middle of your living room. A cat I used to have would sit on a single sheet of paper if I put in the middle of the living room floor. Just wander over sniff it, then sit there for hours. Maybe roll over and nap on the cozy paper. If there is a thing, and there is a cat, the cat will be on the thing.
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Dec 14, 2016 23:48
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hogmartin posted:A cat I used to have would sit on a single sheet of paper if I put in the middle of the living room floor. Just wander over sniff it, then sit there for hours. Maybe roll over and nap on the cozy paper. Box of litter cat is also junkmail cat - I leave it on a table and he has a nap. On a bit of junkmail on hardwood. Not any of the soft areas around my home. Cat gonna cat.
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Dec 15, 2016 00:43
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KITTEN THE FLOOR IS NOT LAVA QUIT JUMPING ON DOG HEADS
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Dec 17, 2016 13:38
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Ginny quit throwing your toys into the toilet.
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Dec 19, 2016 02:15
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Dec 20, 2016 10:56
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Is this a Cornish Rex or something? She's very skinny.
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Dec 21, 2016 14:39
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FactsAreUseless posted:Is this a Cornish Rex or something? She's very skinny. She's a shorthair oriental, so basically a Siamese or Cornish Rex build, yeah. She also looks skinnier because SO kittens are basically 80% legs. E: And the the other 20% is lungs: https://vid.me/ZSpl HazCat fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Dec 21, 2016 |
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Dec 21, 2016 17:04
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