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I've bought my nephews two toylight sabers for Christmas after they went nuts at seeing my combat ready light saber. I turned it on and they were transfixed, they'd never seen anything star wars before. When I left they were fighting each other nicely with whatever they could find. That's my wholesome story, hope you like it
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Dec 13, 2017 04:16
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Catte taxxe? We don't need no stinking tax without representation
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Dec 13, 2017 04:17
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I haven't paid the taxxe in a while. Here's Catberts biting off more than he can chew. https://i.imgur.com/tw91fga.gifv
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Dec 13, 2017 04:20
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Spiderdrake posted:Weren't there 10 then they ate each other down to 4? In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards. Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will. Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect. However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps. Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection. All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever. Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed. Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable. Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average. Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule. Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed. The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire.
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Dec 13, 2017 04:21
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hot balls man no homo posted:Edit: also four stimpires, not 10 
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Dec 13, 2017 04:22
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After driving to the store this evening I'm giving some serious consideration to this dude's views on access to personal transport.
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Dec 13, 2017 04:28
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hot balls man no homo posted:Also three point oh How the hell did four calling blogs not make it in there?
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Dec 13, 2017 04:29
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Mr.Tophat posted:I've bought my nephews two toylight sabers for Christmas after they went nuts at seeing my combat ready light saber. I turned it on and they were transfixed, they'd never seen anything star wars before. When I left they were fighting each other nicely with whatever they could find. She's getting a tricycle for Christmas, her legs have grown to the point where she can learn pedaling. 
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Dec 13, 2017 04:32
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Mr.Tophat posted:Toops, I'd trust you to make me a cup of tea or perhaps an informative news article, but when it comes down to skullduggery against the warlord and blusterer, I'm afraid you'd narc on me and get me deported to a graveyard It's true. My hands, like my conscience, are clean. I sleep deeply at night and I do not dream.
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Dec 13, 2017 04:33
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Scruffpuff posted:I personally like the subconscious admission that Star Citizen isn't coming out. You "go forward" to the cancer cure, but just "go to" the Star Citizen release. I interpret that as hopping across realities. Given an infinite number of programmers and an infinite number of workstations, Chris Roberts still couldn't make Star Citizen.
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Dec 13, 2017 04:34
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Scruffpuff posted:By the way, if Chris Roberts is reading this, I'm sure for fidelity's sake you want to make sure the server is sending us our proper Christmas presents. Assuming that on each of the 12 days of Christmas we receive everything listed in that bar of the song, your netcode server mesh power in the machines needs to transmit the following data to each of your 12 potential clients: 
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Dec 13, 2017 04:34
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Toops posted:Given an infinite number of programmers and an infinite number of workstations, Chris Roberts still couldn't make Star Citizen. We know that. He won't. He has enough sycophants running around telling him that he's a genius, a savant.
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Dec 13, 2017 04:40
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TheAgent posted:I am Dereks alter, the fat white guy who loves alcohol and fried foods Monsters of the Id.
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Dec 13, 2017 04:46
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I wanted to toss in 7 Oldmans parping but I missed the fun.
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Dec 13, 2017 04:51
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Goosfraba posted:She's getting a tricycle for Christmas, her legs have grown to the point where she can learn pedaling. You're a good parental unit Toops posted:It's true. My hands, like my conscience, are clean. I sleep deeply at night and I do not dream. I just post so that you may rest soundly citizen
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Dec 13, 2017 04:53
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Bmac32 posted:I wanted to toss in As Chris would tell you, it's never too late for a refactor.
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Dec 13, 2017 04:55
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Can we just pause for a second and reflect on the fact that the Fourth Stimpire (besides being an insane piece of corroborating evidence once the bodies are found) is a fictional setting that murders 5.1 TRILLION of its citizens every year? I feel like in the miasma of fetishistic insanity that is The Fourth Stimpire, we're really glossing over the murder of 5.1 trillion people. That's over 25 trillion deaths since the launch of the Star Citizen Kickstarter, and at least a few thousand since the game began development earlier this week. #SaveThe5Trillion #NotMyMacerator #MakePeaceNotEternators
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Dec 13, 2017 04:55
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I feel like there has to be a reality where Star Citizen's KS didn't turn into Ben and Chris' magical jpeg sale wonderland and maybe without such scope creep he most of the way made a game, sold it to MS again and there's Wing Commander 2014 or whatever an entirely mediocre game everyone in that reality forgot by 2017. Also it's an xbox exclusive or something
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Dec 13, 2017 04:55
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D_Smart posted:And so it came to pass that phase 1 of the Legal March Fo' The Monies has begun. 
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Dec 13, 2017 04:57
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Goredema posted:Can we just pause for a second and reflect on the fact that the Fourth Stimpire (besides being an insane piece of corroborating evidence once the bodies are found) is a fictional setting that murders 5.1 TRILLION of its citizens every year? I feel like in the miasma of fetishistic insanity that is The Fourth Stimpire, we're really glossing over the murder of 5.1 trillion people. That's over 25 trillion deaths since the launch of the Star Citizen Kickstarter, and at least a few thousand since the game began development earlier this week. I can never truly enjoy myself on the 14th of July ever again.
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Dec 13, 2017 05:04
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Goredema posted:Can we just pause for a second and reflect on the fact that the Fourth Stimpire (besides being an insane piece of corroborating evidence once the bodies are found) is a fictional setting that murders 5.1 TRILLION of its citizens every year? I feel like in the miasma of fetishistic insanity that is The Fourth Stimpire, we're really glossing over the murder of 5.1 trillion people. That's over 25 trillion deaths since the launch of the Star Citizen Kickstarter, and at least a few thousand since the game began development earlier this week. I’ve been pencilling out some numbers for the pure quantities of calcited bone that they need to shift on a monthly basis, and it’s a lot of lawn for that much carbon.
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Dec 13, 2017 05:07
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And to think the Bajorans were whining about fifteen million people dying over a period of fifty years.
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Dec 13, 2017 05:13
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Trading in your spinlocks for morlocks.
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Dec 13, 2017 05:14
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Dusty Lens posted:And to think the Bajorans were whining about fifteen million people dying over a period of fifty years.
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Dec 13, 2017 05:15
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Dusty Lens posted:In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. It’s so sublime a text that it’s too bad the 12 Days parody wasn’t about what the Stimpire gave. The visuals, the procedures, the deskeletonization... Bmac32 posted:I wanted to toss in If anybody is down for a Stimperial Christmas variant, here’s a kickoff. On the first day of Christmas the Stimpire gave to me Maximum Insanity.
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Dec 13, 2017 05:31
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On the second day of Christmas the Stimpire gave to me Two jolts of the worst type of electricity
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Dec 13, 2017 05:36
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Dusty Lens posted:On the second day of Christmas the Stimpire gave to me This...this I like
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Dec 13, 2017 05:38
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FIIIIIVE REMOOOOOOVED DIIIIIIICKS!
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Dec 13, 2017 05:41
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AP posted:Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house Not a peripheral was working, not even my mouse; The locks were spun by the coders with care, In hopes that St. Roberts soon would be there; The vackers were nestled all snug in their pods, While visions of pirate slavery danced in their heads And Moma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled our brains for a long winter's parp— When out at the door there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the pod to see what was the matter. Away to the carpet I glitched in a flash, Tore open my anus, and threw up udhelsgsvwof. The moon on the breast of the naked commando, Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below; When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny engineers, With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Roberts. More rapid than eagles his hands explained, And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name: "Now! Lando, now! Lesnick, now! Brian and Tony, "On! Erin, on! Sandi, on! Coders and Artists; "To the top of the cash! To the top of the pile! "Now sale away! Sale away! Sale away all!" As dry leaves that before the aegis hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, blast off to the sky; So up to the stratosphere the coursers they flew, With the engine full of bugs—and St. Roberts too: And then in a twinkling, I heard on the spectrum The prancing and pawing of each hand waving. As I dreamed in my head, and was turning around, Down the turret St. Roberts phased through the bound(ary): He was dress'd all in black, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnish'd with coke stains and soot; A bundle of ideas was flung on his back, And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack: His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry, His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry; His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the teeth of his grin was as white as his snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face, and a little round belly That shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly: He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laugh'd when I saw him in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And hosed all the cvar lines; then turn'd with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose And giving a nod, he winked as he rose. He sprung to his porsche 1911 sport coupe with all the options and gols rims witha "cuckable" license plate, And drove away in the sunset, to release another product late But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight— Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
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Dec 13, 2017 05:48
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i wanna find the original author of stimpire.txt and buy the rights from him and write an epic novel series
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Dec 13, 2017 05:51
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Hav posted:Say what you like, he commits. So does CIG and look where that got their code...
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Dec 13, 2017 06:00
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Dec 13, 2017 06:07
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Virtual Captain posted:Exactly how I suspect it is handled. The gameplay aids in this design somewhat since stealthed rogues tend to move slower. Hahaha, no they don't! Once upon a time they did, now stealthed rogues move like they have rockets up their butts. Shadowlyger fucked around with this message at 06:10 on Dec 13, 2017 |
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Dec 13, 2017 06:08
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Jobbo_Fett posted:Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house Glorious
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Dec 13, 2017 06:08
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I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus, Under the Christmas tree last night. Sexual contact is a sin to the Stimperor, So I set the two of them alight.
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Dec 13, 2017 06:11
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juggalo baby coffin posted:i wanna find the original author of stimpire.txt and buy the rights from him and write an epic novel series If you don't find enough hate for your fellow man, watch Star Citizen streams full screen until you find the necessary urge to attack your fellow man with power tools, then resume the treatment. Then you too can build the stimpire of your dreams.
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Dec 13, 2017 06:12
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Jobbo_Fett posted:Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house I've barely even started and I've already arrived.
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Dec 13, 2017 06:13
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The Titanic posted:Good info. You seem better than me. I can hit a can, then hit it again on the ground. I know a few pages late, but look at a Ruger SR22 or 10/45. I use a Walther P22 for pistol training, but it's not the best gun in the world and the sights aren't great either. But rest of the pistols in the safe are Walther P99's, PPS M1's, or PPQ M1's. So they all have the same ambidextrous controls. Again I find that important being a southpaw, but many others would not. .22 is great for training. If you can shoot a .22 well you can shoot anything well.
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Dec 13, 2017 06:27
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Jobbo_Fett posted:Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house Hold me. Breetai posted:I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus, 
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Dec 13, 2017 06:37
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Goredema posted:Can we just pause for a second and reflect on the fact that the Fourth Stimpire (besides being an insane piece of corroborating evidence once the bodies are found) is a fictional setting that murders 5.1 TRILLION of its citizens every year? I feel like in the miasma of fetishistic insanity that is The Fourth Stimpire, we're really glossing over the murder of 5.1 trillion people. That's over 25 trillion deaths since the launch of the Star Citizen Kickstarter, and at least a few thousand since the game began development earlier this week.
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Dec 13, 2017 06:42
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