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54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed
We were talking about this in one of my groups, and kids who had been given those punishments said they had no memory of why they had been punished, but the hurt from that kind of punishment stuck with them forever.
I think it’s a horrible way to “teach” kids.

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Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

54 40 or gently caress posted:

We were talking about this in one of my groups, and kids who had been given those punishments said they had no memory of why they had been punished, but the hurt from that kind of punishment stuck with them forever.
I think it’s a horrible way to “teach” kids.

Well, in my nephew's case, that won't be a problem apparently since his mom aired the whole thing on Facebook so everyone friended to my cousin knows as well. It just seems humiliating to me.

54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed
It’s totally humiliating. Can you imagine another adult making you feel this way? I’d certainly be crushed. Kids are people too and I feel like there’s such an obsession with control that their feelings and autonomy are disregarded. Everyone wants to romanticize the simplicity and wonder of childhood while denying it to actual children.

Yeah you could say I’m getting a touch worked up about this. The holiday season and the way kids are treated around it are frustrating to me.

SpaceCadetBob
Dec 27, 2012
So my 15 month old seems to have his very first real fever. 101 ish though it seems to be well effected by tylenol. He doesn’t have any other symptoms besides being really tired, but its giving me a hell of an emotional shake just because he is always so active and to see him practically falling asleep in his high chair is just really disconcerting.

Im being a big baby tonight. :ohdear:

E-Money
Nov 12, 2005


Got Out.

SpaceCadetBob posted:

So my 15 month old seems to have his very first real fever. 101 ish though it seems to be well effected by tylenol. He doesn’t have any other symptoms besides being really tired, but its giving me a hell of an emotional shake just because he is always so active and to see him practically falling asleep in his high chair is just really disconcerting.

Im being a big baby tonight. :ohdear:

How the gently caress did you make it 15 months???

SpaceCadetBob
Dec 27, 2012
Lol we honestly have no clue! I think thats why im having a hard time tonight. Hes always been super healthy that this is just a strange new occurrence so late in the game.

Good-Natured Filth
Jun 8, 2008

Do you think I've got the goods Bubblegum? Cuz I am INTO this stuff!

SpaceCadetBob posted:

So my 15 month old seems to have his very first real fever. 101 ish though it seems to be well effected by tylenol. He doesn’t have any other symptoms besides being really tired, but its giving me a hell of an emotional shake just because he is always so active and to see him practically falling asleep in his high chair is just really disconcerting.

Im being a big baby tonight. :ohdear:

Yeah, go buy a lottery ticket. First fever at 15 months plus it's only 101. :)

Our daughter goes to daycare, so it seems like she has a fever at least once a month with all the communicable diseases that run rampant there. Her highest was 105, and that resulted in an urgent care visit. But by the time we were instructed to go to the facility and by the time the on-call pediatrician saw her there, it had broken completely and she was back to normal temp.

Our pediatrician gave us some pointers that we've followed ever since that day - fevers are a symptom of a lot of illnesses (common cold, flu, more serious poo poo). Sometimes they linger and sometimes they go away quickly. If your kid is acting mostly normal (even if a bit tired), it's usually okay. If the fever lasts more than a couple days, coincides with a clear sore throat, or gets extremely high (104-105 range), then it's worth a doctor visit / call. Also, I learned that your body starts shutting down at like 108 to prevent a fever from doing too much brain damage. Getting that high would be scary as hell, but it's cool that the human body has a built-in core overload switch.

Obviously, I'm not a doctor, and you know your child better than I do. It never hurts to call your pediatrician if you're worried. At the very least, they will reassure you that everything's going to be fine. Most pediatricians' go-to is "Let's give it a day and see what happens" in my experience.

Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

54 40 or gently caress posted:

It’s totally humiliating. Can you imagine another adult making you feel this way? I’d certainly be crushed. Kids are people too and I feel like there’s such an obsession with control that their feelings and autonomy are disregarded. Everyone wants to romanticize the simplicity and wonder of childhood while denying it to actual children.

Yeah you could say I’m getting a touch worked up about this. The holiday season and the way kids are treated around it are frustrating to me.
Same thing goes with mealtimes. I get parents want to establish boundaries and make sure their kids eat healthy, but we have some family members that are super strict about the 'no dessert until you've eaten all your dinner'.

This might be a practical standard at home, but at family get togethers it just gets awkward when everyone is enjoying dessert and the one kid is still sitting with 75% of his dinner remaining while his mom is goading him to eat just three more bites of broccoli. But that is easier said than done when that kid had seen another cousin eat nothing but garlic bread yet get dessert regardless.

These get togethers also tend to be for celebrations (birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc) which should be a fun occasion not a stressful one. Make your kid a plate, encourage them to taste everything then move on. I wouldn't want a parent to devote the better part of my meal toward force feeding my kid, and I'm sure the kid isn't keen on being isolated from his peers. Building good eating habits is probably easier to do at home vs at a party where different patenting methods will inevitably collide.

DangerZoneDelux
Jul 26, 2006

I don't use social media because I'm not a teenager but at what age would you think it's appropriate to have serious consequences? There was a Reddit parenting thread where the mom cancelled Christmas because her 12 year stole $20 from a fundraiser and the consensus on there was she was being too harsh. Which seems nuts to me, at what point do you follow through with a punishment?

The Fool
Oct 16, 2003


DangerZoneDelux posted:

I don't use social media because I'm not a teenager

While there are plenty of valid reasons to not use social media, that’s a very silly “get off my lawn” type reason

quote:

but at what age would you think it's appropriate to have serious consequences? There was a Reddit parenting thread where the mom cancelled Christmas because her 12 year stole $20 from a fundraiser and the consensus on there was she was being too harsh. Which seems nuts to me, at what point do you follow through with a punishment?

First time offense? Definitely too harsh. Of part of a pattern? Maybe not.

I personally like punishments that fit the crime. At 12 years old he’s not to young to be told he needs to raise money for the fundraiser he just stole from.

Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

DangerZoneDelux posted:

I don't use social media because I'm not a teenager but at what age would you think it's appropriate to have serious consequences? There was a Reddit parenting thread where the mom cancelled Christmas because her 12 year stole $20 from a fundraiser and the consensus on there was she was being too harsh. Which seems nuts to me, at what point do you follow through with a punishment?

I mean I'm fine with family using social media to share benign stuff. My issue is using it as a pulpit to reinforce how naughty some child has been this year. My stepdad, for all his faults, had a 'praise in public, punish in private' approach which worked well- the child knew their strengths and when they screwed up it was only between them and their parents, nobody else had to get involved. There's using Social Media for mundane things, and there's using Social Media to ostracize a kid barely old enough to understand the concepts involved.

Also, I tend to support the concept that kids need to understand the concept of consequences to their actions HOWEVER, it should never be vindictive. There's consequences to actions in adulthood, be it driving, maintaining employment, or honoring the terms of your rental agreement. However, all these issues tend to be isolated between you and the grieving party; dragging your peers into it is seldom necessary. Far too often punishments parents seem to dole out seem to be a lot more show for other adults to reinforce that the parent is taking care of things. This is hosed up, but on the other hand, I see where it is coming from:

People are super judgy about how other people raise their kids (I'm not innocent here, since I'm talking about my cousin's parenting methods). This makes people self-conscious about the idea that they are doing 'enough'. For some people, making a big scene or show to their peers seems to reinforce to themselves and to people that agree with them that they are good parents. But to me the good parents are doing the hard work behind the scenes. The tough poo poo is always behind the curtain, giving the illusion that the kids are just 'perfect' and the parents are 'so lucky' to have such well behaved kids. But seeing various families I've noted that the parents that inexplicably get these 'perfect' kids tend to invest a lot of time in building a good relationship with them.

Bardeh
Dec 2, 2004

Fun Shoe
Yeah, I mean people can choose how they want to discipline their kids - I might not agree with whatever they choose, but as long as it's not actually abusive and they have their kids' best interests in mind, then fair enough. But to spread it all over social media - that's the sign of a garbage person.

Bardeh
Dec 2, 2004

Fun Shoe

DangerZoneDelux posted:

I don't use social media because I'm not a teenager but at what age would you think it's appropriate to have serious consequences? There was a Reddit parenting thread where the mom cancelled Christmas because her 12 year stole $20 from a fundraiser and the consensus on there was she was being too harsh. Which seems nuts to me, at what point do you follow through with a punishment?

What, so having friends and family and keeping in touch with them is only for teenagers? OK gramps.

Also, it's all about context. There's a difference between a 12 year old who should know better, and a 5 year old who may well not, particularly if they aren't being taught how to properly behave.

DangerZoneDelux
Jul 26, 2006

Heh the social media thing was me just loving with y'all. I had it back in 2003 but just outgrew it. Y'all are free to do what you want.

Yes public shaming is pretty terrible but I'm curious at what age will you start having serious consequences for your kids. At some point your child will definitely realize your punishments aren't severe and they will deal with a few times out and not correct behavior.

54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed
What do you mean by “serious” consequences though? I think something like “taking away Christmas” is stupid, you’re basically punishing yourself. I liked the suggestion upthread of having them raise the money themselves or donating from their own savings. Maybe having them do some volunteering so they can get a better understanding of how important that money is.
I hate public humiliation via social media, it serves zero purpose.

DangerZoneDelux
Jul 26, 2006

Obviously 5 is too young but if a 12 year old stole money from a fundraiser I would definitely cancel Christmas. I guess I don't understand the concept of punishing yourself with that. If that were my kid he isn't getting presents. Yeah I don't think volunteering is punishment. That should just be part of everyone's normal life.

And a serious consequence is obviously age dependent but my son is currently on week two of not getting his 30 minutes of tv shows because he wouldn't pay attention in the morning. It's worked pretty well at correcting behavior. Another example is if he throws a tantrum at a park and it keeps escalating I drag him to the car and we go home. I'm not going to stick around and plead with him to behave.

Bardeh
Dec 2, 2004

Fun Shoe

DangerZoneDelux posted:

Obviously 5 is too young but if a 12 year old stole money from a fundraiser I would definitely cancel Christmas. I guess I don't understand the concept of punishing yourself with that. If that were my kid he isn't getting presents. Yeah I don't think volunteering is punishment. That should just be part of everyone's normal life.

And a serious consequence is obviously age dependent but my son is currently on week two of not getting his 30 minutes of tv shows because he wouldn't pay attention in the morning. It's worked pretty well at correcting behavior. Another example is if he throws a tantrum at a park and it keeps escalating I drag him to the car and we go home. I'm not going to stick around and plead with him to behave.

How old is your son?

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

We just got back from a family gathering. I don't really care what my kid eats when we do small family visits. We don't see most of our family very often. You just want to eat chips and ham slices for lunch? Go crazy. We eat pretty healthy at home so its fine to cut loose once in a while.

I saw a video on facebook someone posted of a "no nonsense mom!" that wrapped up a bunch of empty boxes for christmas presents and filmed her kids unwrapping them and finding them empty. She was laughing at them for getting pissed / upset and told them if they were better kids next year maybe they would get something. I don't know what those kids could have done, but you couldn't help but feel bad for those kids.

Edit: My kid is still young (just turned 5) but I can't think of anything he could do that would make me "cancel" christmas. I feel like if his behavior was that bad, there would have been warning signs / a build up to the action that would cause it. It would have to be something that would be more appropriately handled with family therapy.

Alterian fucked around with this message at 01:40 on Dec 24, 2017

Good-Natured Filth
Jun 8, 2008

Do you think I've got the goods Bubblegum? Cuz I am INTO this stuff!

We had a family gathering today, and I found out that my sister-in-law's husband is a proponent of spanking, and she defends him (even though she doesn't participate in the act herself). My wife and mother-in-law had words with my sister-in-law, and it kinda blew up.

My nephew is 19 months, and his dad seems inconsistent on when he decides to spank and doesn't appear to explain why he did it. I feel bad for my nephew because he certainly doesn't understand what the hell is happening. I guess I'll just continue to be as supportive an uncle as I can, but I can't do much else, can I?


To clarify, it only happened once at the event and was a single, firm swat after he pulled my nephew away from whatever was incorrect (I'm honestly not even sure what was wrong). But an argument around it came up between the 3 aforementioned women that I overheard, and it explained a bit more about how it's usually handled at home.

54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed
I would’ve struggled to keep my own mouth shut. I’m glad your wife and MIL said something

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
After enjoying a local production of the Nutcracker today, my 7-year old son decided to dangle his arm and stick his head out of the railing on a second-story balcony today while I was in the bathroom for 30 seconds. Earlier in the afternoon I had trusted him to leave our seats and go to the bathroom by himself, and he had no problems. Maybe it was the boredom, maybe it was a stupid lapse in judgement, maybe he's just a kid, but when I emerged from the restroom to find a crowd gathered around my son (who was claiming he was stuck, and I guess no one wanted the liability of touching him in case he was injured) I was both terrified for him and mortified at his behavior.

I am still rather livid, I had trusted him to not be a stupid kid and instead he did a classic stupid kid move. I am obviously grateful he didn't hurt himself or anyone else, especially if he had somehow managed to shove his whole body through the railing. He later claimed he did it to see what was on the upper levels, but I told him our big-boy adventure to Disneyland we were planning for next week was now cancelled. If I can't trust him to be alone for 30 seconds and not shove himself over a balcony, then I can't trust him on a roller coaster or alone in a line or anything.

I always like to advocate for my kids, to give them credit and trust their behavior, and then something like this happens and I question if I give them too much freedom or need to restrict their movements. My husband spoke to him when we got home, and my son claimed he understood why he was being punished and that he learned his lesson and all that. I just wonder if that is true, and when I might relax again and trust him to try to be a big kid.

Thwomp
Apr 10, 2003

BA-DUHHH

Grimey Drawer
Dude, just wait until he’s 17 and you’re trying to trust him with the car.

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.

I am... not entirely sure what he did properly wrong? Leaning past a railing to see better seems... functionally identical to what adults do?

Lile I get why it was STUPID, but it seems like the sort of stupid you cant discipline a seven year old out of - he probably didnt even think there was a risk of him falling or getting stuck. Sounds like a risk assessment error than a problem behaviour.

So I will assume he was under explicit standing orders to stay away from ledges and edges I guess?

I dunno.

Teaching kids to be properly afraid of the stuff they should be afraid of (and not to fear the stuff they end up being afraid of instead) is hard.

54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed

VorpalBunny posted:

After enjoying a local production of the Nutcracker today, my 7-year old son(...)
Are you actually mad at him though? Or are you mad at yourself for thinking he was ready to be left alone like that? I say that not with criticism, because I think everyone underestimates stuff like that, but it sounds like he did exactly what a majority of seven year olds would do.

Like, I was really mad at my niece a couple years ago because I took her to see the Nutcracker at the theatre, she was five and got fussy and didn’t want to be there about halfway through. I was mad and disappointed, and embarrassed because the lady in front of us kept shaking her head about it. It wasn’t her fault though, I took a swing and got a miss because I projected my own expectations on her and what I wanted for the experience.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

GlyphGryph posted:

I am... not entirely sure what he did properly wrong? Leaning past a railing to see better seems... functionally identical to what adults do?

Lile I get why it was STUPID, but it seems like the sort of stupid you cant discipline a seven year old out of - he probably didnt even think there was a risk of him falling or getting stuck. Sounds like a risk assessment error than a problem behaviour.

So I will assume he was under explicit standing orders to stay away from ledges and edges I guess?

I dunno.

Teaching kids to be properly afraid of the stuff they should be afraid of (and not to fear the stuff they end up being afraid of instead) is hard.


Yeah, this was basically what I thought when reading it too.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
He didn't just lean over a rail and get stuck, he shoved parts of his body through the metal bars of a railing over a 2-story drop. I didn't think I had to explicitly tell him "don't try to shove yourself through the railing and over a balcony" because by the age of 7 I though he had experienced enough stuff like falling off playground equipment and climbing on rocks to understand the basics of gravity. And remember, he was only alone for 30-60 seconds, I kind of thought I could trust him alone for that long.

Sure, the kids got restless during the show. Everyone did, adults included. It's not about the activity, it was the venue. We were in a large auditorium space with a balcony overlooking the entrance hall. He shoved himself through the railing over the entrance hall. There were enough people there to notice a kid flailing in the balcony railing. Maybe he just wanted to be daring after sitting in a chair for 2 hours, but he never before tried to throw himself off the parking garage or anything after seeing a movie so it never occurred to me he might try it this time.

I wanted to make sure he knew how serious and stupid this stunt was. I took away something that I knew would really sting but wouldn't affect him in the long run. I didn't cancel Christmas, I didn't physically harm him, I just wanted to remove something he earned by being a big kid and lost by making a poor decision.

It feeds into the parenting question of when your kids are ready for milestones. When do you let them go to the park alone? When do you leave them home alone? When do you let them walk to a friend's home alone? when do they start cooking for themselves? Use a knife? Light a match? I thought at 7 he was at the milestone to be left alone while I was in the bathroom, and he probably is! But all it takes is one stupid moment for you to question everything. And this moment shook me into questioning what milestones he was really ready for.

Maybe I overreacted, but my mind inevitably goes to the worst places that moment could have gone and it leaves me unsettled.

Bardeh
Dec 2, 2004

Fun Shoe

VorpalBunny posted:

Maybe I overreacted, but my mind inevitably goes to the worst places that moment could have gone and it leaves me unsettled.

Well sure, that's only natural. But he didn't come to any harm, and probably learned a very valuable lesson. I dunno, I probably wouldn't punish my kid in a similar situation because I don't really think he necessarily did anything bad per se, just something a little bit stupid and impulsive and dumb. But he's 7, and 7 year olds will do that, and they'll learn from those mistakes. I don't think taking away his Disney trip will teach him anything he hasn't already learned for himself.

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.

VorpalBunny posted:

Maybe I overreacted, but my mind inevitably goes to the worst places that moment could have gone and it leaves me unsettled.

Yeah I am not saying you did horrible or something but it seems like the reaction you had was to do something with the primary purpose of soothing your own anxieties.

So I dunno. This it sounds like the sort of thing I would have been doing well into my teens, most kids would assume that as long as MOST of their body is behind the bars they are are perfectly fine and safe and its not a big deal.

I mean you can do what you want and stuff but it sounds like the sort of thing where what actually happened as a result was the best lesson he could have learned already - fear, humiliation, disappointment. Overall a positive and effective learning experience.

Just Offscreen
Jun 29, 2006

We must hope that our current selves will one day step aside to make room for better versions of us.

Bardeh posted:

I don't think taking away his Disney trip will teach him anything he hasn't already learned for himself.

Well they cant take away the punishment now especially for something that big.

cailleask
May 6, 2007





Just Offscreen posted:

Well they cant take away the punishment now especially for something that big.

... why not? What's wrong with sitting down with the kid and explaining that you made a mistake because you were scared, apologizing, and working through it with them? Modeling the behavior you would like them to demonstrate?

Not saying anything for or against the punishment in this specific situation, per se, just rather that I don't see anything wrong with changing my mind later upon reflection. I think admitting that you made a mistake to a kid and walking through it is a super valuable lesson? My kid responds well to it, though she's only 3.5.

Just Offscreen
Jun 29, 2006

We must hope that our current selves will one day step aside to make room for better versions of us.

cailleask posted:

... why not? What's wrong with sitting down with the kid and explaining that you made a mistake because you were scared, apologizing, and working through it with them? Modeling the behavior you would like them to demonstrate?

Not saying anything for or against the punishment in this specific situation, per se, just rather that I don't see anything wrong with changing my mind later upon reflection. I think admitting that you made a mistake to a kid and walking through it is a super valuable lesson? My kid responds well to it, though she's only 3.5.

Depends on the kid and thier age- though if walking back such a punishment would undermine your relationship with the child even after explaining the reasons i have to question the wisdom of such a harsh punishment to begin with.

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.
Uh yeah... why not?

Its threats and explicit consequences you need to be careful about failure to follow through on - spur of the moment post action punishments dont seem like an issue.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog

Just Offscreen posted:

Well they cant take away the punishment now especially for something that big.

We very often allow our kids to earn back stuff they have lost due to bad behavior or poor choices, but since we are locals to Disneyland it's not a huge deal to take away a park visit. He knows we'll be going back soon with the whole family. I did have a few conversations with him about what happened, he seems to understand he hosed up but he also seemed to understand the basic rules of behavior before he did it so :shrug: And yeah, when we talked it through I tried to explain how scared I was for him and apologized for being so harsh in the moment, and we tried to reach a common ground about it all. But again, he's 7, so :shrug:

I figured I'd share this experience since it seems people stop sharing parenting stories once the kids get to elementary school age. I hear all about friends/family and their toddlers learning to walk or their first whatever, but these growing pains seem so shrouded in parenting shame and are shielded from judgmental audiences that I don't hear much about kids this age. I genuinely don't know what milestones I should be helping my kid through, he's 7 and still doesn't know how to ride a bike without training wheels. But, no one really rides bikes around here so is it a big deal? He doesn't cut up his own food, should I be giving him a knife at dinner? When do people let their kids walk by themselves to do stuff? Or leave them alone at home, 10?

It probably doesn't help that we don't have many friends with kids, nor do we have family around to provide some level of guidance. I'm going off of childhood memories and gut instinct and gleaning info from those around me.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

I'm probably not a good judge of those milestones. What I was allowed to do at certain ages seems like my parents would have been arrested for neglect nowadays. My mom was a pretty over-protective parent too. I walked the 2 blocks with a friend by myself to Kindergarten and 1st grade and it wasn't a big deal. We found out that if we are not at the bus stop when our kid starts Kindergarten next year, they will bring him back to the school and we have to get him there. They do this all the way up through 1st grade. :confused:

I started staying home alone for short (like 15 - 20 minutes) stints in 3rd grade. I started babysitting my younger brother for a couple hours of time (usually after school) in 5th grade.

IAmNotYourRealDad
Sep 6, 2011

VorpalBunny posted:


I figured I'd share this experience since it seems people stop sharing parenting stories once the kids get to elementary school age. I hear all about friends/family and their toddlers learning to walk or their first whatever, but these growing pains seem so shrouded in parenting shame and are shielded from judgmental audiences that I don't hear much about kids this age. I genuinely don't know what milestones I should be helping my kid through, he's 7 and still doesn't know how to ride a bike without training wheels. But, no one really rides bikes around here so is it a big deal? He doesn't cut up his own food, should I be giving him a knife at dinner? When do people let their kids walk by themselves to do stuff? Or leave them alone at home, 10?

It probably doesn't help that we don't have many friends with kids, nor do we have family around to provide some level of guidance. I'm going off of childhood memories and gut instinct and gleaning info from those around me.

Just came here to say I know exactly what you mean and that I can relate. Are you able to contact the school and request for resources that might help your 7yo? I imagine they have counselors or resources or groups or clubs or advice.

Sounds like we went through similar things though my daughter is 10 and is really doing well. The school helped and she's in a great girl scout troop which has been incredibly beneficial.

Also wanted to mention I purchased two expensive tickets to the nutcracker but we left at intermission because my kiddo had an anxiety attack. It's not easy to sit through a 2+ hour dance recital. Glad your son didn't get hurt.

Anyways...Parenting is hard. :sigh:

IAmNotYourRealDad fucked around with this message at 17:04 on Dec 26, 2017

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.

Ah well for most kids what you described is a much bigger deal I imagine, hahah. Being a local makes it less of an issue.

I do thank you for sharing the story though.

I'm gonna share some of my own kid stories for now:

First up, my kid (almost three) got one of those water hatching duck egg things for christmas. He has been obsessed with watching it hatch and spotting possible cracks and stuff. At first it was a bit annoying because he wouldn't leave the bowl it was in - I told him it would take a long time, but he kept insisting he would wait for it to hatch, so he'd just stand there looking at it, repeating over and over again: "Hurry and hatch, egg, hurry" and "when is my duck going to hatch?"

Anyway, it's actually pretty useful now, because if I want him to leave somewhere quick I just need to see "hey, let's go home and see if you're egg hatched yet!"

Second, I think I've mentioned here before, but the kid is obsessed with monsters. Everything is monsters! The other day he said a monster came out of the dark bedroom and it was on the wall in the kitchen and it was made of ghosts, and actually there was two monsters and the other one was made of ghosts, and food, and monsters, and he had to feed the monsters monster food but the monster food was cold and he had to heat it up in the microwave, but not the REAL microwave, the one in his crib in his bedroom, but his bedroom was dark and full of monsters, so he had to go and throw all the monsters out of his crib, and then I had to put a blanket over his crib because they kept jumping back in, and then he could heat up the monster food, and finally he could go back in the kitchen and feed the monsters on the wall. He also always wants to fight monsters, and eat monsters, and feed monsters, and be chased by monsters and of course be a monster. In fact, whenever a light turns off in a room we are in he sighs and says "now WE are monsters, baby monster and daddy monster and mommy monster". Because if we get caught in the dark, that's it, we're monsters!

I also am not sure what he thinks ghosts are, I am not sure where he picked up the word, but sometimes he complains about them in his room and I have to go in and "eat them all" and go around slurping them up wherever he points until he is happy.

So because of that I wrote him a story about a monster I think he'll like and it's almost done with editing so I'm hoping to read it to him (sans most of the pictures, since I won't be finished with those for at least another couple weeks) on Friday. Hopefully he likes it!

Finally, he has been talking a lot about dead things lately. He will flop onto my lap and go limp saying "now I am dead" and if I try to talk to him he says "you are dead daddy" and "be quiet, dead people don't talk". Also he likes me making clay animals and then he smooshes them saying "I smoosh!" and then "Now he is dead". His mother gets really put off whenever he talks about dead things or being dead or whatever, but I guess it seems mostly harmless? Do other people have their toddlers talking about dead stuff a lot, but like in a seemingly completely positive way?

Bardeh
Dec 2, 2004

Fun Shoe

GlyphGryph posted:

Finally, he has been talking a lot about dead things lately. He will flop onto my lap and go limp saying "now I am dead" and if I try to talk to him he says "you are dead daddy" and "be quiet, dead people don't talk". Also he likes me making clay animals and then he smooshes them saying "I smoosh!" and then "Now he is dead". His mother gets really put off whenever he talks about dead things or being dead or whatever, but I guess it seems mostly harmless? Do other people have their toddlers talking about dead stuff a lot, but like in a seemingly completely positive way?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's normal. Kids that age are just starting to figure out, on a very basic level, stuff like death and birth, they get curious about where we come from and where we go. As adults there's a stigma about talking about death overtly, especially with kids, but it's just a manifestation of his natural curiosity. My son was around 4 and a half when he started asking more difficult questions about death (where did Uncle so and so go? when is he coming back?)

IAmNotYourRealDad
Sep 6, 2011

GlyphGryph posted:

I also am not sure what he thinks ghosts are, I am not sure where he picked up the word, but sometimes he complains about them in his room and I have to go in and "eat them all" and go around slurping them up wherever he points until he is happy.

So because of that I wrote him a story about a monster I think he'll like and it's almost done with editing so I'm hoping to read it to him (sans most of the pictures, since I won't be finished with those for at least another couple weeks) on Friday. Hopefully he likes it!

Finally, he has been talking a lot about dead things lately. He will flop onto my lap and go limp saying "now I am dead" and if I try to talk to him he says "you are dead daddy" and "be quiet, dead people don't talk". Also he likes me making clay animals and then he smooshes them saying "I smoosh!" and then "Now he is dead". His mother gets really put off whenever he talks about dead things or being dead or whatever, but I guess it seems mostly harmless? Do other people have their toddlers talking about dead stuff a lot, but like in a seemingly completely positive way?

Bardeh posted:

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's normal. Kids that age are just starting to figure out, on a very basic level, stuff like death and birth, they get curious about where we come from and where we go. As adults there's a stigma about talking about death overtly, especially with kids, but it's just a manifestation of his natural curiosity. My son was around 4 and a half when he started asking more difficult questions about death (where did Uncle so and so go? when is he coming back?)

Yeah, so, I'm not a doctor, but I AM a Pre-K teacher (3yo-5yo) and honestly, I wouldn't sweat the death chat too much (I've had a lot of kids that age talk with me about death). It sounds like you're going about it the right way (LOVE your monster social story idea by the way!!!--I'm sure that will be a big hit!). Developmentally, at this age, they don't seem to process the topic of death like older kids/adults do.

Now, as they get older, it might be prudent to just follow their lead. For instance, my kid is 10yo and we talk about death but I always follow her lead. (She'll worry about what will happen when we die and talk about how sad she'll be so we talk about how it's a natural part of life and that parents don't want their kids to worry and that she will be taken care of). So when they get to the worrying stage, I think it's important to add to the conversation about how they will be taken care of and that it's going to be OK. HTH :)

sullat
Jan 9, 2012
Yeah, my 4 year old talks about death a fair bit. He knows that animals die so he can have meat, and it doesn't bother him.

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zaurg
Mar 1, 2004
I searched around but didn't find any results. Have any of you installed any kind of "parental control software" on your kids computers/devices? Can you share your results? Which one, did it work, was it easy, etc. Thanks!

My first thought was to find something that would let me apply a whitelist of web sites allowed and block everything else. If child wants access to a site they have to submit it for approval then I can approve/deny. Something like that seems to make sense.

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