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I was with a girl for about 3 weeks right before I moved to college, and we hadn't discussed what would happen when I left. The day I moved I texted her "Sorry woman but I've got to ramble" because I figured Robert Plant said it best.
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Jan 16, 2018 03:09
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 14:48 |
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Here's one that was successfully used on me: "I have multi-drug resistant tuberculosis."
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Jan 16, 2018 03:42
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"I'm sorry, I found someone else" *Unrolls anime waifu bodypillow case*
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Jan 16, 2018 03:50
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"You know, Donald Trump is turning out to be a better president than I expected."
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Jan 16, 2018 03:54
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I just got in from loving your sister, boy is my dick tired.
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Jan 16, 2018 04:06
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I choose to live my life as a gay man
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Jan 16, 2018 04:07
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That'll do, pig.
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Jan 16, 2018 04:42
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jimmy mnemonic posted:That'll do, pig. Burrrrrrnnn
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Jan 16, 2018 04:50
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You know, I really get turned on by smelling used baby diapers.
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Jan 16, 2018 05:27
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One day your partner comes home to find the house completely empty except for a small cage. In the cage is a parrot that says "I'm breaking up with you" over and over and over again. Parrots are fun so it softens the blow.
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Jan 16, 2018 05:43
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I just sent her a a youtube link for Type o negative’s I know you’re loving someone else (15 min version with lyrics).
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Jan 16, 2018 08:20
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Walk in the door unironically wearing political, social promotional materials for causes and people they can't stand. "I completely understand and support your decision to stay or go based on your decision on whether or not you can live with my free and peaceful expression of my political ideologies."
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Jan 16, 2018 08:51
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Honey i've got a new hobby: nocturnal banjo.
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Jan 16, 2018 09:07
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Roses are red, violets are blue, goodbye forever.
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Jan 16, 2018 09:21
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You're gay
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Jan 16, 2018 09:23
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Is your dad a preacher? Cuz gurl you come off as extremely domineering and judgmental.
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Jan 16, 2018 09:37
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How does it feel to be the most recently dumped person in this room?
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Jan 16, 2018 09:56
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Hand them a box labeled "People I have dumped today" and when they open it there's just a mirror in there.
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Jan 16, 2018 10:02
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While you're having a picnic together on the quad, have your bro fly a remote controlled airplane into one of the two Dagwood sandwiches you have set side by side. The airplane is pulling a little banner that says "Jet fuel can melt our relationship."
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Jan 16, 2018 10:34
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So a man walks into a bar and I'm leaving you for him.
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Jan 16, 2018 10:45
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Funky See Funky Do posted:So a man walks into a bar and I'm leaving you for him.
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Jan 16, 2018 11:50
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That's all, folks!
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Jan 21, 2018 16:58
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You're garbage, and now I'm going to treat you like garbage, in the disposal
Lawrence Gilchrist fucked around with this message at 17:14 on Jan 21, 2018 |
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Jan 21, 2018 17:12
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I like my women how I like my coffee: hotter than you
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Jan 21, 2018 20:51
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Awwwww baby...you must be rubber 'cause glue'd be harder for me to shake loose.
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Jan 22, 2018 17:01
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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:You're garbage, and now I'm going to treat you like garbage, in the disposal 
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Jan 22, 2018 17:14
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Kak posted:edit: nevermind that was loving terrible Said after having sex on your honeymoon.
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Jan 22, 2018 18:49
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"gently caress this, wedding's off." Even better if you've been saying it regularly as an inside joke for a while before the one time you mean it. Alternately, "I didn't think we were taking that whole in sickness and in health thing literally..."
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Jan 22, 2018 20:25
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Funky See Funky Do posted:So a man walks into a bar and I'm leaving you for him.
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Jan 29, 2018 10:19
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Pop a viagra every time you visit the zoo. When she confronts you about your boner around animals, blush and tell her not to kinkshame.
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Jan 29, 2018 11:53
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I have "kermit-ment" issues (for when you break up with a muppet)
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Jan 29, 2018 12:06
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Turpitude II posted:I have "kermit-ment" issues (for when you break up with a muppet)
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Jan 29, 2018 12:40
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*plays an epic 1:1 basketball match against gf; she's winning 41-39; two seconds left on the clock* me: you know what Dunkin Donuts will remind you of from now on? her: *confused face* me: *while Dunkin over her* that I Donut want to be with you! *scores 3 points while the buzzer is sounding*
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Jan 29, 2018 15:00
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This relationship is like the namek arc of Dragonball z, it has gone on years too long already The great part is she's already left for talking about anime
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Jan 29, 2018 15:47
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You're a big big big big big big big bitch.
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Jan 29, 2018 15:49
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It's not you I'd just rather play video games and yank on my dick.
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Jan 29, 2018 16:00
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it's not you, it's me......NOT! (Borat 2006)* *the technique requires to actually say "Borat 2006" out loud
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Jan 29, 2018 16:03
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Palpek posted:*plays an epic 1:1 basketball match against gf; she's winning 41-39; two seconds left on the clock* Palpek posted:it's not you, it's me......NOT! (Borat 2006)*
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Jan 29, 2018 16:15
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Find the crustiest, nastiest horrid drunken hobo you can. Buy him some vodka to retain his services. Hide the hobo in a closet. Engage your partner in casual conversation, and suddenly yell "what is that behind you!?!". As they turn around jump into the closet and push the hobo out. When your partner turns around again the hobo will say his line: "I've been meaning to tell you, this sometimes happens." Your partner will leave you in disgust. (Or maybe they're into it, but then you can just unload them on the hobo.)
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Jan 29, 2018 16:32
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 14:48 |
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I hosed Ted.
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Jan 29, 2018 16:48
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