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Wrestlefest was (is) a great game. The Rumble mode isn't great but the tag team mode is really good. Figuring out you can play as the LoD is quite neat, too.
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Mar 18, 2018 12:50
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| # ? May 6, 2024 20:11 |
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Wrestlemania VII: America, gently caress Yeah! Freedom Is The Only Way, Yeah! What I Think I Know
 It's April 1991, little Rarity is on school trip to the botanical gardens and across the Atlantic one man stands ready to defend truth, justice and Mum's apple pie at Wrestlemania VII. As has now come to be expected Vince McMahon gives us a loud shouty intro as he hypes up tonight's main event between Hulk Hogan and Sgt. Slaughter. We're a few weeks beyond the peace treaty being agreed between the UN Coalition and Iraq and the WWF have decided to celebrate by going all-in on the patriotism. Stripes and stars are plastered all over the intro surrounding Hulk's head like a halo of grilled cheese and gunholder rights. We are live from the Los Angeles Sports Arena which is shockingly enough in Los Angeles, CA where we begin with an extra important rendition of America the Beautiful. I suppose this is the one year I can't be too mad about this bit. To perform this year's version we're getting a legit country legend but more importantly a future co-star for Shawn Michaels, it's Willie Nelson. And dear god is he nasal. We get the same old fadeouts to images of classic Americana and I think they've won out cause I feel like I recognise some of these from previous years. Despite Nelson's awful performance America The Beautiful still gets a big chorus of cheers. Considering the circumstances I'll allow it. And now Iraq is a problem we'll never need to worry about again. Heading over to the commentary desk we find Gorilla Monsoon all on his lonesome. That's right, Piper has celebrated Wrestlemania season with so much coke he's currently passed out on a toilet with no pants on. Gino introduces us to the man who will be taking over his duties for tonight's first match, Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Hey, have you had enough America yet? What's that, you have? Sorry I can't hear you over the sound of all this loving AMERICA. That's right, Hacksaw is dressed as Uncle Sam because of course he loving is.  Uncle Hacksaw wants you! Yes, Hacksaw is here and he's got one job tonight, to make you think that the WWF isn't unpatriotic for making an Iraqi sympathiser its champion. Hacksaw gives his thoughts on tonight's big money matches and obviously backs Hulk and Warrior. And it's here that I learn that tonight's match between Warrior and Savage has each man's career on the line. No, no, no, godammit no. I knew that this was coming after it was spoiled in this thread but I was really hoping it wouldn't be so soon. I'm not ready for this! Meanwhile, Hacksaw keeps blathering on about the ol' USA and geez, this is way too much for me. It's going to be a long night, friends. It's time for our first foray to the back where Sean Mooney is with the Rockers before their match. Marty says that Haku and the Barbarian might be big and strong but the Rockers have been defying odds this whole time. Mooney comes back with the fact that Haku and the Barbarian are part of the Heenan Family but that just makes the Rockers give a sarcastic tremble. Shawn adds that they're going to “turn heads, turn crowds and come out on top”. Man, he still needs to do some serious work on his promos. 'Turn crowds'? What does that even mean?  Marty develops a sudden case of scopopobia Haku and the Barbarian w/ Bobby Heenan vs. The Rockers drat, this is such an obvious filler spot just to make sure the Rockers get on the card. Surely there's got to be someone better and more relevant that they could have been facing. Well, after that breakout performance at Royal Rumble I'm still very interested to see how they get on here. Haku and the Barbarian aren't great but they're not abjectly terrible so this is a decent yardstick to see if the Rockers are able to pull people up to their level. The Heenan Family get lumped with a jobber entrance which at this point we should not be seeing at a Wrestlemania. The Rockers come out to a very nice pop which only gets louder when they get their tops off. Somewhere in the world a young Jeff Hardy starts lifting weights. The bell's not even rung yet and Hacksaw's already throwing up surprises as he goes deep into the Rockers's early strategy. Huh, this man is actually not an idiot. Who knew? Things start out even in the early going until Shawn gets in a shoulder tackle on Haku. The Rockers follow up with a double hiptoss to Haku but the Barbarian responds with a double clothesline that gets simultaneous 360 sells. Man, the Rockers are so good at this whole working in tandem thing. The Barbarian turns around right into a double superkick and Marty goes for a sunset flip. He stalls out but manages to dodge as the Barbarian drops down with a punch. The Barbarian sets Marty up for a powerbomb but Shawn runs in with a dropkick and Marty hits a hurracanrana. Ok, that was pretty beautiful. Haku tags in and he goes for a powerbomb on Marty as well but this time the ref spots Shawn coming. The Barbarian uses this distraction to join Haku with a double necksnap. Very smart sequence there, nice work.  Shawn displays the infamous 'sit on the back of his head' manoeuvre From here the heels firmly establish control with a Gorilla press slam from the Barbarian. Haku and Marty collide as they both go for a crossbody but Haku keeps the advantage with a couple of backbreakers. Be careful, Marty! You don't want to Marty up this match! The Barbarian comes in with a clothesline that gives Marty some serious whiplash and slaps on a bear hug, Ok yeah, this is nowhere near the quality of that Royal Rumble match. I don't know why I was hoping I'd get that kind of quality from the Barbarian and loving Haku but let me dream, godammit. Marty goes for a second rope crossbody but the Barbarian catches him into a powerslam. Unfortunately I've now seen this spot enough times that it's losing its lustre. The Barbarian whiffs a diving headbutt which is a terrible idea for all concerned. This allows Marty to make the hot tag to Shawn who nails a corkscrew elbow to Haku. Shawn takes him into the corner and the Barbarian tries to make the save but Shawn sees him coming and hits a second rope crossbody. Smooth.  The Barbarian as he makes a bad life choice The action speeds up ever so slightly as Shawn goes for a sunset flip on Haku. He stalls out but Marty rushes in with a clothesline to knock Haku over. The Rockers are feeling it now, folks. They connect with a double dropkick to the Barbarian and a double clothesline to Haku. Marty goes up top and nails a missle dropkick on Haku, Shawn follows up with a flying crossbody and that's your lot. Oh. Very perfunctory ending there. Well, file this one under 'disappointing'. I know that I probably had my hopes up a bit too much but I was still wanting to see something fun. This was very much 'Rockers by the numbers' without any real innovation or stand-out moments. The issue here is that while the Rockers are clearly gifted as hell there's currently a severe lack of talent in the tag division. Besides running a program with the Harts (and boy should that really happen at some point) there's no one for them to go up against that can match them.
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Mar 18, 2018 19:50
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drat, who were the other tag teams around this point? Harts. Haku/Barbarian. Power and Glory. Bushwhackers. Orient Express. LOD. Demolition. Nasty Boys. ...it wasn't that they didn't have a tag division for the Rockers to bounce against (I only count two real stinker teams out of that list. No, Demolition isn't one  ), they just weren't doing what they could.
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Mar 18, 2018 20:38
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Just didn't seem to be the way things worked at the time. From a fan standpoint, there were a million interesting match ups that just never happened back then. Hard to say whether that is better or worse than it is now where everyone has wrestled each other far too many times for it to have any sort of novelty anymore.
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Mar 18, 2018 21:11
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It wasn't how it worked at the time - weekly TV was for squash matches, angle building and promos to get you to go to your local house show, where you might see some of those tag team matches done to fill space. You rarely saw competitive matches on free TV unless it was a SNME and then when it came to PPV time, you only had 4 of those a year so even though the cards were overstuffed with 12+ matches in 3 hours, you didn't really get to see much beyond the major storylines get any kind of actual time or meaningful resolution.
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Mar 18, 2018 21:20
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I still remember Norman Schwarzkpf on CNN just being absolutely livid about being recalled before he could take Baghdad. He kept insisting that they couldn't withdraw before the outcome of Hogan vs Slaughter was known, then looked straight down the barrel of the camera and white-faced and shaking said,"The only hope America has now is the power of Hulkamania" before the camera feed was abruptly cut.
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Mar 18, 2018 22:54
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Forget Wrestlefest. It's time-appropriate that I can bring up the WWF hockey game! Here's a look at what the game actually looked like: But here's the kickass Joe Jusko art that came with it. He also did the posters for Royal Rumble 1991 and Wrestlemania 7.    jojo_stardust_crusaders.jpg
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Mar 19, 2018 01:06
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I occasionally wonder what Vince McMahon though about the Iraq war ending as quickly as it did. I mean, the Slaughter program went more than long enough as it is, but I cant help but wonder what the long term was supposed to be.
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Mar 19, 2018 01:15
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I remember an interview with Slaughter where he said the Iraq war even starting caught everyone off guard. As far as he knew, he was just going to roll with the initial "Americans are weak pukes who are afraid to fight" thing. Then war was declared. Next thing he knew, "Okay, you're joining the Iraqis." "What." Also I am trying to puzzle out the mechanics of Tugboat using a length of rope as a hockey stick and it's breaking my sanity DeathChicken fucked around with this message at 01:31 on Mar 19, 2018 |
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Mar 19, 2018 01:29
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DeathChicken posted:
Tie it tight and soak it in starchy water to stiffen it up
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Mar 19, 2018 01:50
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Rarity posted:Wrestlemania VII: America, gently caress Yeah! Freedom Is The Only Way, Yeah! This was the first PPV I ever saw. The first ever wrestling I ever saw was an episode of WWF Superstars on Fox 5 on Saturday at 1 noon that was one of the builds to this show.
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Mar 19, 2018 02:22
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Gavok posted:Forget Wrestlefest. It's time-appropriate that I can bring up the WWF hockey game! Here's a look at what the game actually looked like: To this day it still weirds me out to see Bossman as a face. He’s a heel in my heart forever.
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Mar 19, 2018 02:39
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When I remember that Haku and The Barbarian were a tag team in WCW called The Faces of Fear, and the Barbarian's kick was called The Kick of Fear, I wanted them to name everything "The ___ of Fear".
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Mar 19, 2018 02:43
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The Faces of Fear loving owned
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Mar 19, 2018 02:57
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Gavok posted:Forget Wrestlefest. It's time-appropriate that I can bring up the WWF hockey game! Here's a look at what the game actually looked like: I had this. I love the sticks. Jake is literally using his snake.
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Mar 19, 2018 02:58
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It's funny how WWF made Haku into such a giant chump and then WCW turned him into walking death
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Mar 19, 2018 03:08
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Open Marriage Night posted:I had this. I love the sticks. Jake is literally using his snake. Meanwhile Slaughter is using a warhead, which Hogan is about to hit with a bunch of barbell weights 
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Mar 19, 2018 03:10
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Jason Sextro posted:When I remember that Haku and The Barbarian were a tag team in WCW called The Faces of Fear, and the Barbarian's kick was called The Kick of Fear, I wanted them to name everything "The ___ of Fear". I loved when Chikara had Meng, Barbarian, and Warlord at a King of Trios and named them “The Faces of Pain”.
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Mar 19, 2018 03:40
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Nystral posted:I loved when Chikara had Meng, Barbarian, and Warlord at a King of Trios and named them “The Faces of Pain”. The best was that they went up against Team ROH (Young Bucks and Mike Bennett) where Meng stood alone in the ring while the Bucks each gingerly entered from each side. The fans chanted "IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" and the two facially sold it like maybe they were right.
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Mar 19, 2018 04:18
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Gavok posted:The best was that they went up against Team ROH (Young Bucks and Mike Bennett) where Meng stood alone in the ring while the Bucks each gingerly entered from each side. The fans chanted "IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" and the two facially sold it like maybe they were right. I assume they threw Mike to the wolf and Maria threw herself on him like a shield?
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Mar 19, 2018 04:27
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Wooo boy, i'm already anticipating Rarity's reaction to the rest of this pay per view if she's already scratching her head about filler, bad booking, and using people just to get them on Mania.
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Mar 19, 2018 04:30
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It's both fitting and really weird that this mania was Tenryu's first appearance in the WWF
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Mar 19, 2018 05:31
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that's a minor spoiler friend, even if the person has 0 effect on WWE's history
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Mar 19, 2018 06:00
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Gavok posted:Forget Wrestlefest. It's time-appropriate that I can bring up the WWF hockey game! Here's a look at what the game actually looked like: This looks mad cool. Does it play like Subbuteo? Open Marriage Night posted:I had this. I love the sticks. Jake is literally using his snake. Please tell me Martel's was the atomizer 
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Mar 19, 2018 08:19
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It is! I probably lost half the pieces because I'd take them off the pegs and make them fight each other.
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Mar 19, 2018 10:24
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lol if you and your brothers didn't build a scaffold at an incredible three feet high to recreate Night of the Skywalkers.
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Mar 19, 2018 11:00
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Gavok posted:Forget Wrestlefest. It's time-appropriate that I can bring up the WWF hockey game! Here's a look at what the game actually looked like: I had the VHS for the 91 Rumble and it was the only box in my collection where the spine wasn't pointing out because every time I looked at the shelf I wanted to see that dope cover. I was convinced that he did art for the WWF Wrestling Challenge board game I had as a kid which was from this period of time too but I looked it up and it was photos they used.
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Mar 19, 2018 12:51
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I only owned one wrestling action figure ever  (It was the Jake the Snake Roberts action figure that came with the rubber snake and he had punching action where you pull his arm back and it springs.) I lost it. My childhood was kinda poor
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Mar 19, 2018 14:25
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Aw. I still have mine. You can have it, and rarity can have Rick Rude with side headlock punching action. Keeping my original Undertaker though. That red hair is something else.
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Mar 19, 2018 17:33
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Open Marriage Night posted:You can have it, and rarity can have Rick Rude with side headlock punching action. I get to be a sweathog!!! 
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Mar 19, 2018 18:29
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Rarity posted:I get to be a sweathog!!! Very impressive!
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Mar 19, 2018 18:38
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For as lame as the recent WWE games have gotten, I liked that they went all in for the entrances https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSkKOhgb_HA
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Mar 19, 2018 18:55
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Open Marriage Night posted:Rick Rude with side headlock punching action. Also I just have to know... 
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Mar 19, 2018 19:09
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Rarity posted:Also I just have to know... I just so happen to be at my parents house...  
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Mar 19, 2018 20:06
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I find this... disappointing
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Mar 19, 2018 20:31
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Rarity posted:I find this... disappointing Many of those things were. Dibiase came with his own Million Dollar Belt iirc, which was pretty sweet
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Mar 19, 2018 23:26
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Heading over to the back again we find Zombie Mean Gene and he is with... oh god, he's with the celebrity co-hosts. Zombie Mean Gene, if ever there was a time for you to go on a murderous rampage now would be the time. So which D-listers have we managed to dredge up this year? First up we have the veteran talk-show host, Regis Philbin. Jokes aside, that's a fairly solid get. Providing this year's quota of gratuitous eye-candy is Marla Maples who as far as I can make out has competed in a couple of beauty pageants but doesn't really count as a celebrity. Her appearance at WM7 is the first point in her career bio on Wikipedia. And to round as out if your question was 'who is the host of acclaimed game show Jeopardy?' then you would be right because it's Alex Trebek. Which means is the first Wrestlemania in years where I've heard of the majority of the celebrities. Something has gone terribly wrong here. Fun fact: Marla would go on to be Donald Trump's second wife Anyway, there is an interview going on here. Regis is honoured because he's all the stars of the WWF on his show and now he gets to be on theirs. Although he is scared of Earthquake because he saw him tip over a pizza truck and eat all of the contents. Zombie Mean Gene tells Regis he's “beautiful” but I'm just worried about the truck driver. Marla is all excited to be here and Zombie Mean Gene thinks that's down him so she clarifies that it's because she's never done an interview in the men's locker room before. Zombie Mean Gene warns her that things get “steamy” in there. You don't need to take that kind of sexual harrassment, Marla! #TimesUp! Trebek starts playing Jeopardy and does this whole bit with Zombie Mean Gene where he gets really confused and it's not funny enough to be worth explaining. Dino Bravo w/ Jimmy Hart vs. The Texas Tornado Oh my god Dino, can you please just gently caress off forever already? How do you still have a job here? You've been floating around the roster for like five years now and in all that time the closest you've come to being interesting is that time you pretended to bench for twenty minutes. And what about Kerry? Relegated to a filler match against Dino loving Bravo of all people. Somebody's career is dead in the water here. On the plus side Hacksaw has disappeared from commentary and he's only gone and been replaced by Heenan! Now that's something that gets my interest. See, it wasn't that hard, was it? Before we've even got underway Heenan's already got me onside by claiming that he's “the only celebrity in Los Angeles”. Hehehe. Dino ambushes Kerry as he reaches the ring and Heenan says “it doesn't look like so much of a violent storm now, Monsoon”. That's like a pun on three different levels! Kerry fights back and he connects with an atomic drop before going for...  THE CLAWWWWWWW! But Dino sees the move coming and blocks it, responding with the Side Suplex. Of course, at this point Dino is so much of a jobber that Kerry kicks out of his finisher three minutes into a nothing filler match. Heenan tries to cover by saying “Bossman's mother could have counted that faster”. Now that Dino has been well and truly buried he jumps off the second rope into the Claw and Kerry follows up with the Tornado Punch to win. Jesus, I've seen Diva matches on Raw circa 2011 that had more going on to them than this did. That was absolutely dire. Please can we get rid of Dino, like, yesterday. He is an active detriment to anyone he gets in the ring with because I suddenly care a good 30% less. As for Kerry, he's also been pretty worthless since his debut. It's clear that they give zero fucks about him and he's done nothing in the last few months to make me feel like it's undeserved. The only saving grace here was Heenan who's instantly brought some more life to commentary. Even Gino sounds like he's having fun now. Addendum: Oh happy day caloo calay, somewhere up there the wrestling god Jibble himself has answered my prayers because this is indeed Dino Bravo's last PPV appearance. Now this is the bit where I'd look back over his career but I think the start of my writeup here already summed it up. It truly is a historic day in the history of our sport.  AND MAKE SURE THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE rear end ON THE WAY OUTTA TOWN! In the back, Mooney is hanging with the Warlord and Slick as they prepare for a match against the British Bulldog. Slick claims that it takes a whole pack of dogs to put the Warlord down and Bulldog's about to be fixed. Watch out Davey Boy, they're after your Dynamite Kid! The Warlord warns Bulldog that he won't escape from the Full Nelson because if his goofy entrance gear wasn't enough we're saddling him with the most terrible finisher as well. Stop trying to make the Full Nelson happen, Vince. It's not going to happen. Slick adds that “it's a dog eat dog world so be prepared, you're about to be devoured”. If that's the case then I guess that means the Warlord is a shih tzu. Crossing over we find Zombie Mean Gene with Bulldog but they're not alone cause HE'S GOT THE PET DOG BACK. Awwww, that is adorable. Sadly this isn't Matilda who is now in retirement getting doggy massages and pawdicures but that just means we get to make a new friend! This is Winston and he is the cutest loving doggy of all the doggies. Awwwwwww. Bulldog says he's going to break out the Full Nelson and adds “there's no bull in this British Bulldog”. Um, you might want to check your spelling there, buddy. MOST INCORRECT PREDICTION Gorilla Monsoon: “Don't look for too many dropkicks, this is a match of pure power.”  I didn't but I found one anyway The Warlord w/ Slick vs. The British Bulldog Right, this one doesn't look very inspiring. The Warlord has been a joke ever since the Powers of Pain broke up and I found Bulldog solid enough in the past but the quality of the roster has been gradually improving. It's not exactly hard to look good next to George Steele or Adrian Adonis. So I'm not sure how well he's going to stack up in this new climate and this certainly doesn't look like the match to test that out. The Warlord gets lumped with a jobber entrance but there's big cheers for Bulldog as he comes out. Though I have a feeling the cheers are actually for Winston. We get underway and Bulldog opens with a series of shoulder blocks that achieve nothing until the fourth one finally knocks the Warlord off his feet. Bulldog poses and DEAR GOD THE loving VEINS ON THAT MAN EW. So it was clear that Davey had been hitting the health supplements hard during his hiatus but I didn't just how bad it had got. poo poo, dude, even Jinder Mahal thinks that's unhealthy.  Jesus, that chest looks like it's plastic Despite my squeamishness at Bulldog's physique he's still got a bit of wrestling ability going on. He goes for a crucifix but the Warlord reverses it into a Samoan drop, which is neat little counter. Meanwhile, Heenan claims that he's been knighted by Queen Elizabeth. Well, he deserves it more than Nick Clegg does, that's for sure. The Warlord traps Bulldog in a bear hug until he breaks out and goes for a shoulder tackle which gets reversed into a necksnap. The Warlord follows up with a gutwrench belly-to-belly suplex. This match is the first time he's actually tried to show off a few actual wrestling moves, it's a good look for him. The Warlord slows things down with a lengthy rest hold. Ah well, baby steps. While Gino might not have expected much in the way of high-flying Bulldog has other ideas as he connects with a dropkick and a crossbody. He goes for a piledriver which the Warlord reverses but Bulldog rolls through into a sunset flip. He stalls out and the Warlord drops down into a pin but Bulldog hooks his arms to roll him up. That was a neat little sequence. Bulldog whips the Warlord into the corner but runs right into a boot in the face. Ow. Regarding Bulldog, Heenan says that “the Queen told me he's a disgrace to England”. He's not wrong, over here it's illegal to go topless unless you're on a beach and complaining about how windy it is. Somehow the Warlord manages to lock on the Full Nelson around Bulldog's roidy bulbous shoulders. It doesn't last for long though because Bulldog flexes his pulsing veiny biceps and breaks out. The Warlord is so shocked that he looks down at his hands in confusion and Bulldog hits the Running Powerslam to pick up the win. He immediately goes to grab Winston and parades him around the ring with his little doggy paw raised to celebrate. D'awwww.  I'm happy to announce that Winston is officially a Good Dog While this match had slightly more going on to it than I initially expected it still wasn't anything special. I feel like I'm supposed to be way more into Bulldog than I actually am. Especially as the original UK guy he should automatically be getting the same love from me that guys like Regal, Layla and Barrett always got. But I just can't bring myself to care because the guy is a charisma vacuum. The same does not hold for noted Good Dog, Winston, who is by far the star of this double act. What a cutie!
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Mar 20, 2018 19:02
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Texas Tornado might not have been the biggest player, but his action figure had the best gimmick at least.
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Mar 20, 2018 19:36
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Obligatory post where I mention that British Bulldog vs. Warlord is my favorite wrestling match of all time.
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Mar 20, 2018 19:59
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| # ? May 6, 2024 20:11 |
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Gavok posted:Obligatory post where I mention that British Bulldog vs. Warlord is my favorite wrestling match of all time. You mean a different Bulldog/Warlord match, right? 
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Mar 20, 2018 20:38
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