|
me your dad posted:Our twins (3 years) share a room and they're absolutely awful at night. From the moment we leave the room after tucking them in, one of them is out of her bed and running around. They talk, sing, and play for up to 1.5 hours. Their bedroom is right over our living room so there's no blocking it out. I’d say separate and conquer. My daughters (5 and 3) have shared a room for the last couple of years and it’s often like this when they’re alone together. So either I lay down with them when putting them to bed or I’ll take one and my husband takes the other. This cuts it down to about 5-30 minutes before sleeping. Not ideal but it was the only thing that worked.
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 06:26
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 00:52 |
|
|
GoreJess posted:My suggestion is to not hit your kids. This. loving hell.
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 08:23
|
|
|
I'd hope that if you're gonna make judgement posts, you'd at least offer some advice. It's clear the poster is looking for help and it's reasonable to assume that they're not a child beating monster. Spanking is a thing that happens; not everyone chooses it, and those who do don't often go their first. As for advice, I'd suggest building in some play time where they're encouraged to do the fun stuff they seem to like doing right before a cool down period. Also, have you tried separating them? Maybe pull one twin out while the other goes to sleep and then bring the other back in? It may not take long for one to settle down and get sleepy without the other. Not something you can do long term, obviously, but it may help then establish routines. It's not something I'd use as a consequence or a reaction. Instead, maybe just tell them that this is the new bedtime routine, and make sure to switch up who goes in first so they each learn how to self soother. Good luck!
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 13:27
|
|
|
Does anyone know of research on w-sitting in toddlers? There's many web pages arguing against it or saying not to worry, but I don't see any citations. I tried Google Scholar, but it seems w-sitting may not be the technical term.
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 14:04
|
|
|
Femoral anteversion. W sitting isn't a cause for concern on it's own. It's one of the signs and is accompanied by other things like pigeon toed walking and constant falling while the kid is walking Oh and it's usually self correcting so it doesn't really matter
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 14:54
|
|
|
Chili posted:I'd hope that if you're gonna make judgement posts, you'd at least offer some advice. It's clear the poster is looking for help and it's reasonable to assume that they're not a child beating monster. Spanking is a thing that happens; not everyone chooses it, and those who do don't often go their first.  can we all just agree that spanking or yelling is 100% not a good idea in this instance? You are a cleric trying to slay the Two-Headed Night Beast and it is only vulnerable to sleeping spells. Casting Eldritch Scream or Assfire actually raises its HP.me your dad what is your bedtime routine like? You should try for the same sequence every time and it should all be things that promote sleepiness. quick bath -> lotion & PJs -> teeth & hair brush -> story of their choice (but they HAVE to be in bed to hear it) -> dim lights -> twinkle, twinkle, gothefucktosleep It's like a conveyor belt leading to bed.
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 14:55
|
|
|
Lacey posted:Even without getting into the spanking debate Sure. There's a difference between "that might not work here" and what was said. Spanking can definitely be an activating experience and is not likely to help a kiddo settle for bed.
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 15:46
|
|
|
me your dad posted:They're put in bed by 7:45 and waking is around 6:15. What time and how long is their nap?
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 17:23
|
|
|
Spanking is wrong and bad in any situation, but it's also a terrible way to punish your kids for not sleeping. Nothing says calm and sleepy like a beating!
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 21:58
|
|
|
I'd just let it go tbh. My kid is the same way, it takes him a while to fall asleep after he's in bed. If he stays in his room and isn't yelling for me I ignore it and go on living my life.
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 22:11
|
|
|
Also spanking in every situation is proven to not work and also have tons of adverse effects. Don't hit your kids.
|
|
#
?
Mar 31, 2018 22:12
|
|
|
I need a cross-sectional study on spanking and tablet usage. Which one fucks up a kid more.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 00:37
|
|
|
Well, the experts say absolutely no spanking and also that screen time is fine with reasonable limits. So I'm guessing physically striking your kids is worse.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 00:53
|
|
|
"the experts". The whole screen time within reasonable limits isn't actually what the latest study is saying which is what I'm assuming your quoting. The summaries on websites did use that as their headline though. Another researcher did publish a study that tablets could be beneficial if parents were engaged the entire time they were using the tablet on certain learning apps. But hey man it's cool do your thing
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 01:27
|
|
|
.
Slimy Hog fucked around with this message at 02:49 on Jan 24, 2023 |
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 01:45
|
|
|
I only "judge" people that hit or otherwise abuse their kids or go against medical science. Other than that idgaf what other parents do.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 02:35
|
|
|
DangerZoneDelux posted:"the experts". The whole screen time within reasonable limits isn't actually what the latest study is saying which is what I'm assuming your quoting. The summaries on websites did use that as their headline though. Another researcher did publish a study that tablets could be beneficial if parents were engaged the entire time they were using the tablet on certain learning apps. But hey man it's cool do your thing K but there's no studies showing spanking is ok regardless of how "engaged" you are with it.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 02:36
|
|
|
Oh cool, a bunch of posts in the parenting thread. I hope it's something coo— Okay, going back to the original question. Bedtimes. We run into this sort of thing when we're on vacation, and we have two kids sleeping in the same (adult-sized) bed. We run into a lot of the same sorts of problems, because they feed off of each other and get into a feedback loop. It's particularly worse with an age gap where the older one can read and wants to (requiring light) and the younger can't read (and needs it dark). Anyways. One solution that's worked for us is to literally just sit in the bed with them and keep shushing them. (In our case, I literally would lie down between them to keep the "he touched me!" complaining to a minimum, but again, same bed). I might start it out with a story read to both of them with the lights dim—and read softly and slowly. I'll otherwise just be there to make sure mischief doesn't happen, but otherwise ignore them. Our middle child is in a phase where it's hard to get him to sleep in general. My strategy is: - About 10 minutes before it's time to start stories, I tell him, "Ten more minutes, okay?" and make sure he says "okay" back. - When that time comes, I do a "almost time to stop, so choose one more thing to do" sort of thing. Sometimes it's a straight asking him to do just one more thing; but if he's for example playing with trains, I'll be like "okay, it's time for the trains to go to sleep. Are they sleeping on the bridge tonight?" and let him sort that out (guiding him to do it quickly if he's taking his time) - Sometimes there's a story or three in there. I budget time for that, usually. - Then I ask him if he wants to turn the light out or if he wants me to do it. Sometimes that's with the chain on the light (I lift him), sometimes that's with the wall switch. I always do wall switch, but sometimes he wants to do the chain. - I ask him once he's in bed if he wants me to sit with him, or if he wants to be a big boy and sleep by himself. He almost always asks me to sit with him - I then sit/lie on the floor with my laptop (my wife uses her phone) and thoroughly ignore him. No interacting or anything, except occasionally to shush as necessary—and not sharply, just a soft "shhh...." sort of sound. If he asks for it, I'll play a white noise video on youtube, for example, trains. - He's out in a couple of minutes It's possible this sort of thing could be adapted to doing two kids at once. But definitely having a rhythm and a predictable set of things helps, and giving them leeway and buffer also helps. Warnings that something is going to happen soon also help. And then, just being in there as an authority helps. It takes time, yes, but I often use it as an excuse to get some introvert time of my own in the room. Good luck, though. Getting young kids who share a room to sleep at the same time is hard. Tangent: the Daniel Tiger "It's almost time to go, so choose one more thing to do!" idea has been a total godsend for getting our kids to go along with things like leaving playgrounds, or going to bed, or whatever. You have to budget a little bit of time—but it keeps kids from being quite as caught off-guard by it being time to go. I don't know how many times as a kid, I was like "but! I wanted to go down the slide one more time!" and threw fits. My kids rarely throw fits when leaving when we give them the "one more thing to do" warning. I highly recommend it as a practice.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 02:54
|
|
|
FYI: Spanking is not something that some parents just do. Don't loving hit kids. Not even once.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 17:46
|
|
|
Jesus Christ. Don’t hit kids. Don’t spank kids. Why do some people deluded themselves into thinking that it’s ever appropriate? If you strike any other group: other adults, coworkers, the elderly, animals it’s a problem but hitting kids is magically okay for some. Don’t hit your kids. They’re people too, believe it or not.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 17:50
|
|
|
I've seen dog owner Facebook groups devolve into screaming matches over the type of leash to use. It's not surprising to see human owners are equally lovely to one another
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 18:10
|
|
|
54 40 or gently caress posted:Jesus Christ. Don’t hit kids. Don’t spank kids. Why do some people deluded themselves into thinking that it’s ever appropriate? For real, hitting kids has the opposite ultimate result than whatever it is was intended. Every time. It's just a lot less effective than literally anything else you could do. Don't want your kids to hit other people? Especially ones that are smaller or weaker than themselves? Then don't hit them.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 18:57
|
|
|
cailleask posted:For real, hitting kids has the opposite ultimate result than whatever it is was intended. Every time. It's just a lot less effective than literally anything else you could do.  me your dad, if you're ever coming back, please try some of the strategies from the last few pages and let us know how it goes. I think you're going to see much better results with a new approach and a little patience. And I hope you can translate whatever works for you into no-hitting parenting ideas you can use all the time, not just for bedtime. Daniel Tiger Tangent: If you can find it, an episode in season 3 is all about calming down for bed: "It's time to sleep. The day is done. Let's countdown to calm down. Five-four-three-two-one."
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 19:17
|
|
|
Jack jack and other YouTube channels like it are cancer.
|
|
#
?
Apr 1, 2018 21:51
|
|
|
me your dad, do your kids actually seem tired at 7:45? If they are tired and seem ready to go to bed but then hit a second wind once they are alone, that's different than if you're just trying to put them to bed too early and they aren't actually tired yet. If they are still taking a good nap during the day, it's very possible they just aren't ready to sleep. My son wouldn't go to sleep before 8:30 or 9 when he was still taking solid naps, once those dropped out be was sleeping by 7:30 fine. If they just aren't tired, you may need to consider moving their bedtime later, or just letting them play around for a while in their room - our kids share a room (4 and 6) and we let them chatter for a while after bedtime. If they are seeming tired and then hitting a second wind that's different. Ideally you need to something to help them transition straight into sleeping and not getting each other up after they are alone.Maybe do something like reading or singing with them in bed, and make sure that there are obstacles to them easily seeing each other and talking once they are in bed (like making sure they don't have a straight line of sight to each other and using some sort of white noise). Escalating with them, however you are doing that, isn't going to work, because you are more likely to get them wound up than help them soothe. DangerZoneDelux posted:Femoral anteversion. W sitting isn't a cause for concern on it's own. It's one of the signs and is accompanied by other things like pigeon toed walking and constant falling while the kid is walking Huh, I had never heard of this at all and I don't think we've ever had warnings about it. Which is funny, because it's something I did well into my 20s and still do on occasion; I find it really uncomfortable to sit cross-legged and if I sit its more likely to be in this pose (I prefer simply squatting to both though). I had no idea there was such a clear reason for it.
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2018 15:53
|
|
|
when it comes to bed time with three year old I considered it a success when I got mine to stay in the bedroom at his bed time, actually falling asleep is just a plus. Let them play out their energy, who is it hurting?
|
|
#
?
Apr 2, 2018 17:09
|
|
|
Does anyone have any recommendations for books or articles about raising kids in an extremely rough place? Without going into too much detail, I am considering taking a personally fulfilling job that would mean moving the family to a town with endemic poverty and its associated issues (generational trauma, alcoholism, etc.) I am extremely worried about peer group here, though. The public elementary school is absolutely abysmal -- stereotypical urban school and legitimately one of the worst in the province. The town is also pretty remote; four hours by car to anything like a major city. I don't know what to do.
|
|
#
?
Apr 4, 2018 18:27
|
|
|
Honestly? Personally fulfilling or not, I wouldn't ever consider putting children in that sort of environment, especially seeing as it's so remote.
|
|
#
?
Apr 4, 2018 18:37
|
|
|
Yeah, jobs like that are for before or after kids.
|
|
#
?
Apr 4, 2018 18:52
|
|
|
just another posted:Does anyone have any recommendations for books or articles about raising kids in an extremely rough place? I think this is not something that can be helped with books. It‘s their whole environment outside home you‘d be fighting against. This must be an awesome job you‘re looking at if you‘re ready to put your kinds in such a place for it.
|
|
#
?
Apr 4, 2018 18:54
|
|
|
We sold our house and now rent an apartment (where the rent cost more than our mortgage did  ) to make sure our kid was in the best environment possible. I can't imagine any job would be worth doing the opposite.
|
|
#
?
Apr 4, 2018 19:33
|
|
|
That's what my gut says. It was one of the reasons we left that community in the first place. I miss it there, and I'm getting strong pull to come back from former coworkers, which is difficult because I loved the job there and I hate my current position. And then friends and family (outside the community) are telling me it's way more important that I'm happy because then 'the household will be happy' etc, or that we can send the kid to the less-horrific Catholic school, or we can compensate for peer group with extracurriculars and home-life things. It's like just shut up and be as rational as I'm trying to be god drat it.
|
|
#
?
Apr 4, 2018 19:55
|
|
|
just another posted:Does anyone have any recommendations for books or articles about raising kids in an extremely rough place? I plan on enrolling my schools in the Title 1 school that I will be teaching in once they are of age. Moving them from a high performing district to a lower one. That being said the school is amazing and high performing because of the admin and staff. 87% percent of the students live below the poverty level. If you are actively involved in their lives it's going to have a pretty big impact on your kids compared to parents who are not, that's pretty obvious. The Freakonomics chapter on parenting is a pretty good write up on the importance of these decisions. Of course if the school sucks because the teachers suck and are defeated than yeah run away.
|
|
#
?
Apr 4, 2018 20:02
|
|
|
just another posted:That's what my gut says. It was one of the reasons we left that community in the first place. I mean, you know this place better than any of us ever could. What your friends and family are saying does have some merit - but if the school and social environment really are as bad as you're making out, I honestly don't see how you're even considering it. We recently moved halfway across the world mainly so my son would get better schooling, and it's a huge pain in the rear end with visas and money and everything, but he's thriving and I don't for a second regret it.
|
|
#
?
Apr 4, 2018 21:04
|
|
|
While it's not impossible to kind of compensate for a bad neighborhood if you can somehow find a great school there and are super involved and you're lucky, etc. it's a pretty big risk to take since it certainly doesn't stack the odds in your favor. Not only will his peers suck and have more chance of being bad influences, but most of the time even people involved in the community/his life (teachers, etc.) won't be as motivated, involved, etc. I'm a teacher and I still move a lot from school to school and I'll be the first to admit I'm much worst at my job and have trouble giving as much effort when I end up being in a lovely school for a year. I'm in a pretty good place, but as soon as my son hits schooling age we're evaluating all our options and might move to a less convenient, less entertaining place for us adults if we think it can offer a better environnement for the kids. Some kids come out of a terrible school and are super awesome, but they are far from the norm. On the other hand, I see a ton of student who would have been otherwise motivated/enthusiast/curious turn out pretty lovely because of the whole sea of crap surrounding them day-in day-out. KingColliwog fucked around with this message at 01:59 on Apr 5, 2018 |
|
#
?
Apr 5, 2018 01:55
|
|
|
just another posted:That's what my gut says. It was one of the reasons we left that community in the first place. This sounds like remote Canada? Yes? If so, don't do it. The suicide and drug influence is way hard to shake no matter how good the homelife. Its weird to be 12 and invited to a shack where kids are huffing chemicals but I was only visiting, if I had lived there and it seemed normal, who knows what my warm-and-fuzzy homelife/overachieving brain might have made of it. As it was it didn't occur to me to even mention to my parents that the rainy afternoon was spent IN A SHACK WITH OTHER 11-13 YEAR OLDS WHO WERE HUFFING. Go back when the kids are grown.
|
|
#
?
Apr 6, 2018 16:28
|
|
|
Mother in law is visiting and she's pushing us to use a pacifier hard. It's not a hill any of us wants to die on, but it's probably the first time in my entire life in which I've received advice and my first internal reaction is "shut the gently caress up, this is my thing, not yours" Guess I better get used to it
|
|
#
?
Apr 6, 2018 17:24
|
|
|
WarpDogs posted:Mother in law is visiting and she's pushing us to use a pacifier hard. It's not a hill any of us wants to die on, but it's probably the first time in my entire life in which I've received advice and my first internal reaction is "shut the gently caress up, this is my thing, not yours" gently caress that. You're the parent and have final say. Talk with your spouse about being united in saying 'no' (if that's your choice).
|
|
#
?
Apr 6, 2018 18:23
|
|
|
WarpDogs posted:Mother in law is visiting and she's pushing us to use a pacifier hard. It's not a hill any of us wants to die on, but it's probably the first time in my entire life in which I've received advice and my first internal reaction is "shut the gently caress up, this is my thing, not yours" Your mother in law will give your baby a pacifier behind your back out of spite, just watch
|
|
#
?
Apr 6, 2018 18:38
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 00:52 |
|
|
poo poo like that is so weird too, like how do people not know that's only going to annoy you. I sent my mom a picture a while back of my kid picking some candy at the store. She's usually pretty clued in that we don't want unsolicited advice but this time she texted back "make sure you read the ingredient list, there's a lot of unnecessary stuff in there" Like, it's candy, there's literally nothing in it that needs to be there lol
|
|
#
?
Apr 6, 2018 18:41
|
|