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Mocking Bird posted:I'm pretty sure I have Chuck E Cheese PTSD from my time as a nanny, though 99% sure you'll catch a disease from our local one. Main Event became more popular for things of a cleaner aesthetic and more to do. Come taste our stale pizza (how?), while sitting at our dirty tables that are bolted to the floor while drinking from our dirty glasses recycled from a 40 year old pizza hut that we're too cheap to replace!
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Jun 11, 2019 21:15
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Well, gently caress me gently with a chainsaw. The judge ordered that my foster son continue his semi-weekly supervised visits with his biomom, which previously took place at his day care. Issue: mother now lives far away. The poor guy had to endure hours of driving to visit his biomom and would have had to do it the next day if there hadn't been a transportation issue. Fortunately, by visit time last week, all parties have agreed that we can double up the visits and do them for four hours only one day a week. Not optimal -- a double visit is a long visit for her and may become difficult from what I've heard about her previous visits, and then the poor kid has to unpack and express his feelings either to the transporter (who is a stranger) or by himself alone in a car. I worry for my boy. This is just going to stretch things out several months in the termination of parental rights process and his having to make this trip for a couple of months...poor kid. Admiralty Flag fucked around with this message at 02:52 on Sep 17, 2019 |
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Jun 11, 2019 21:21
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That's a common story of the system really trying to give families every chance possible to stay together, sometimes at the expense of the children's short term stability  it's for a good reason and it honestly makes adoption easier because there are less arguments of "you didn't give me a chance" that are legally viable through an appeal. But it still sucks for kids and caregivers sometimes, and can give false sense of hope to parents. Anything you can do to provide supportive, low impact space for him before and after visits will only help - you're going to have to be a rock for him through this
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Jun 11, 2019 22:21
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Current friends of ours are in a similar situation and have been for 4 years where the parents start their program, then stop, then start, then stop, then start, etc. They got the baby as a newborn. They are now 4 and a half. The court still recognizes that the parents are 'trying' regardless of repeat failures so they have to endure the visits, which luckily for them is all local but still a pain as the child's behavior takes a poo poo afterwards and will continue to do so until the judge rules that rights should be terminated. Our foster first go-round was coming up on year 2 before kinship stepped in last moment before termination/adoption. I did the visits myself with the bio mother and dealt with the meltdowns and crying afterwards. So, yeah, it's normal and not always in the best interest of the child from our eyes but in the end it is about reunification if possible until the parents give up or the courts decide otherwise. This is why we swapped to either short term respite only/adoption only so we don't have to go through all that again. You're not alone. Be strong for the child and support them 100%. Best thing I learned was to distract as best I could and deal with the aftereffects head on.
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Jun 11, 2019 22:57
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In California, parents get 6-12 months primary services and an absolute maximum of 24 months for that reason - addiction and mental health can be a decades long roller coaster
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Jun 11, 2019 23:54
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Thanks for all the support! Most goon-positive thread outside of the show your selfie! In WA state, we learned in "bad parent training" (as I always referred to our educational sessions referencing the old Simpsons episode) that about 1/4 of kids return to their family of origin in a week, 1/4 in a month, 1/4 in a year, and 1/4 stay in the system. But balancing this apparent "move 'em through the door" mentality is that only 10% of the kids who enter the system and leave ever re-enter it, so there is obviously some real change happening on the part of parents and some diligence on the part of the state. And if the biomom really became stable enough to be his permanent caregiver again, we would be both happy and (mostly) sad. What gets me is subjecting a three-year-old to this insanely long trip to an emotionally charged visit and then make him do that trip all the way back, essentially by himself. But you guys are right. All we can do is be loving and supportive, and give him space where he needs it and attention and hugs the rest of the time. He's also been talking about family a lot for multiple reasons (the biomom visits, a short vacation that included my mother-in-law, and my bio daughter visiting after semester's end [she has always wanted a younger sibling so she loves playing and interacting with him]). It burns me to do it but I keep cheerfully reinforcing that he has a whole bunch of family that loves him: his useless biomom, his last (and only other) foster family, adoption-focused, with whom he spent a year with only to be re-homed because the slightly older biokid would throw tantrums over anything related to our foster kid, and of course us, the perfect angelic family who can do no wrong. (When I talk about family with him, I very heartwarmingly talk about those other useless fuckers and how they love him just as much as we do. I joke bitterly here but I'm very careful not to even let those thoughts in my head when I'm speaking with him about them.) Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. And for lurkers, no matter how bad I make this whole experience sound, just as an example seeing the delight in his eyes and hearing the thrill in his voice when he shouts, "DADDY!!!" as he runs over to grab me in a bear hug just because I haven't seen him in two hours is like no other feeling in the world, best expressed by a bunch of mostly-misused emojis:                    Followed by my sense of smell kicking in five seconds after I pick him up...(pretend like these emojis are showing up; I don't know why they aren't for me even though the flock above is fine): >sniff<  
Admiralty Flag fucked around with this message at 02:53 on Sep 17, 2019 |
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Jun 12, 2019 18:58
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My daughter called my husband "dad" at the grocery store this week, and again when introducing her new summer boyfriend to us, and I could definitely see in his face that he was feeling all those emojis too
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Jun 12, 2019 21:03
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Oh snap, I didn’t know this thread existed! I’m a state caseworker in a teen specific unit, and love to talk at length about everything from foster care to juvenile justice to the mental health system and everything in between, so if anyone has general questions about that population I’m happy to chime in, with the usual caveats about region-specific laws and regulations and whatnot. More importantly, y’all providers are goddamn rad and I love you all.
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Jun 26, 2019 05:56
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say anything/everything
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Jun 26, 2019 14:21
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Thaddius the Large posted:Oh snap, I didn’t know this thread existed! I’m a state caseworker in a teen specific unit, and love to talk at length about everything from foster care to juvenile justice to the mental health system and everything in between, so if anyone has general questions about that population I’m happy to chime in, with the usual caveats about region-specific laws and regulations and whatnot. More importantly, y’all providers are goddamn rad and I love you all. Anything you have to contribute is certainly welcomed. We're in the second round of authorizations (hopefully to disclosure) on our 3rd attempt at getting a teen (THEY NEED HOMES BUT DELAAAAYS) so i'm very curious about the mental health system and what they do for these teens, as the first two we wanted have been inpatient multiple times for SI among other things. Do the juvenile systems deal or address any of the mental health needs at all? Or are they just holding them and letting it go unchecked? Turned out our second teen we were attempting to go for decided to sleep with her math teacher, so it ended up on the news and we connected the dots when the photo was released with the name. They ended up labeling her unsafe to be around other children, especially younger, so while I know we're wandering into a forest of behaviors with teens, i'd be curious what kind of stories you have from your area of expertise.
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Jun 26, 2019 14:53
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Kodilynn posted:Turned out our second teen we were attempting to go for decided to sleep with her math teacher, so it ended up on the news and we connected the dots when the photo was released with the name. They ended up labeling her unsafe to be around other children, especially younger, so while I know we're wandering into a forest of behaviors with teens, i'd be curious what kind of stories you have from your area of expertise. Wait, what the gently caress? A teenager was in an illegal sexual relationship with her teacher and they released her photo and name? There may well be issues there that render her unsafe to be around other children, but she's also the victim of statutory rape in this case and at least in Canada it would be stunningly illegal to release any identifying information about her in that context, and regardless of the legality under applicable laws, it's unethical as all gently caress.
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Jun 26, 2019 15:01
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PT6A posted:Wait, what the gently caress? A teenager was in an illegal sexual relationship with her teacher and they released her photo and name? No, the teachers photo/name were released, not the child's. We were able to put the pieces of the timeline together as to location, school, childs age, information from disclosure, then suddenly the placement denial and were like "oh, holy poo poo". Unless it's insanely coincidental that it was another student (which, could be? but it's not that big of an area) they kept the childs information private other than gender and age. That was worded weird, been a very long/stressful week. Unsafe around small children was one reason we were given as to the placement denial when it wasn't even brought up before, worker couldn't go into further detail obviously. Found out today 90% of tribal children in the system awaiting foster placement are picked up from being left in cars at casino's while their parents are inside gambling. Had no idea it was such a huge problem, but apparently that phone call is almost a daily occurrence. Learn something new and horrible every day!
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Jun 26, 2019 19:12
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Kodilynn posted:Anything you have to contribute is certainly welcomed. We're in the second round of authorizations (hopefully to disclosure) on our 3rd attempt at getting a teen (THEY NEED HOMES BUT DELAAAAYS) so i'm very curious about the mental health system and what they do for these teens, as the first two we wanted have been inpatient multiple times for SI among other things. Do the juvenile systems deal or address any of the mental health needs at all? Or are they just holding them and letting it go unchecked? Sorry for the delay, but I’m usually phone posting, which makes trying to offer any kind of a thoughtful response pretty awkward, even beyond my usual rambling, stream of consciousness approach to writing. Mental health services are going to vary immensely by state, everything from what sort of therapeutic offerings are around to how to access them to what may (or may not) be provided versus what you have to seek out. The universal truth is that insurance is god king in deciding what anyone gets, and so at least in my area that means while certain, very basic options are around, they can also be quite generic and limited; basically the most frequent options are weekly outpatient therapy and maybe medication management, if you want any of the frills (skill building, more frequent appointments, more specific or alternative modalities like art or equine therapy, case management, community or home based therapists who aren’t limited to an office, etc) it takes a high level of need, a firm diagnosis, will likely be short term (1-6 months). One of the more common misconceptions I’ve encountered are around mental health placements, because people seem to be of the opinion that if a kid acts out I can just toss them in a group home or a psych ward or whatever. The reality is that in my neck of the woods it breaks down to two avenues, Behavioral Rehabilitative Services and mental health beds. The latter encompasses a variety of options, ranging from transitional housing for 18-21 year olds to home-like residences run by clinical staff, but the common factors are they tend to be very difficult to get into (e.g. actively homicidal or suicidal on a daily basis) and are quick to discharge. The former are much more readily available as they don’t require a therapeutic referral, and are instead contracted directly through the state, but are a much lower level of care, and range from the stereotypical foster care group homes to formal programs. The other significant more about BRS is that it is not restrictive and is wholly voluntary, so kids can check themselves out at any time. This obviously make things fun with teenagers in general, let alone those with mental health needs, but I digress, especially as placement issues aren’t likely so much what you’ll be dealing with. When a kid is discharged they’re ideally stepped down the ladder of care (hospital to residential program to intensive community and home based therapy to outpatient therapy) gradually and over the course of weeks or months or however long is therapeutically recommended to ameliorate the concerns. With the pressures that come from insurance and financial folks, whether within the provider organization, the insurer, or whoever else, it means that ideal is rarely aided by systemic forces, and that’s before you take into account that human behavior is a pretty fickle thing, before you take into account mental illness, and oh yeah, these are teenagers, a population known for consistency. The point is I honestly wouldn’t interpret too much from repeat hospitalizations, as there’s a ton of factors that could play into it. The biggest question is probably how you can best assist a teen experiencing significant mental health needs in your role as a placement provider. Everyone on the team can find a specific niche, from caseworker to attorney to CASA to therapist to foster parent, etc, and while many of them are obviously easily defined, a lot of them can vary by personality, so part of this is finding what my old clinician used to refer to as your therapeutic voice. While lessons about attachment disruptions and trauma are important for all foster care kids, when it comes specifically to teens the things I always encourage folks to be mindful of is that being strength based is all the more important; kids always have their own wants, perspective, and desire, and these only get more sophisticated and strong as they age. Whatever mental health symptoms are seen, they’re likely to have been present for a long time, and as such are fairly engrained, so any sort of change will be difficult, as the kid will have been living with their experiences for longer than younger kids. The good news is they’re remarkably resilient, and will have developed all the more skills (not always healthy) to address whatever conflict they feel. I’ve got a number of CSEC involved youth I work with, which can be generally (and not entirely accurately or completely) summed up as child trafficking, and much of the work with these kids turns to a harm reduction model rather than a harm prevention model, accepting that the kid is going to make all sorts of risky, stupid choices even compared to other teens, and the goal is to ensure the kid has access to whatever safety mechanisms you can provide them. The same can be said of teens in general! Obviously having them host an underage oxy-fueled orgy isn’t probably a great idea, but working collaboratively to identify specific triggers, coping strategies, and whatnot is a wonderful starting point. Ensuring the kid understands that you’re approaching from a point of mutual respect, safety, and care is how I usually frame things, since while that and the strength-based approach is hardly a guarantee of success, it’s a good place to start. The other day I had a foster parent and a kid meet and present each other with a list of their rules for the home, so they could develop a plan together; that kind of obvious and easy example is rare, but they happen! Most of all utilize the kids team, whoever is closest to them is a great resource, as well as their therapist. When it comes to concerns specifically around sexually acting out, it can mean any number of things, and I’d be just as cautious to read too much into that too. Sometimes it’s a definite issue, sometimes it’s a one-off thing that gets blown way out of proportion, usually it’s not clear. Talk to folks on the team to get a feel for the specific needs, but common sense applies, ranging from whether the kid requires line of sight supervision around kids to whether you don’t want to be alone with them because of what allegations may later come up. Odds are you won’t be privilege to every detail on the kids sexual history, but sex is also likely to be a part of any teens life regardless of their past, so it’s gonna be an issue regardless. On a largely unrelated note, everyone please spay or neuter your teens. The most reoccurring theme I have around my work is people being surprised at some of the poo poo kids do, from cutting to outright suicide to getting tattoos to stealing cars (or a city bus once, that was awesome) to every drug under the sun to gang poo poo to whatever, and the thing is that while being exposed to it has made me pretty numb and/or cynical, I would also put out there that it’s WAY more common and frequent than boomers seem to think, but also nowhere near the screaming panic that people seem to think. By way of example, my uncle volunteers for some charity summer camp thing, and they flipped the hell out when a girl with a history of cutting made some scratches on her arm. Like, yes, that’s not great, but they were thinking she needed to be hospitalized for the foreseeable future. What I’m getting at is a crude sense of humor, thick skin, and a willingness to roll with punches will get you a very long way with teens, unleash your inner 16 year old dirtbag! Don’t let the battle scars or rough past scare you off, be honest and thoughtful and nonjudgmental, treat the kid like an adult except with bunch of stupid kids stuff about them, and you’re on your way.
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Jun 27, 2019 04:27
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Kodilynn posted:No, the teachers photo/name were released, not the child's. We were able to put the pieces of the timeline together as to location, school, childs age, information from disclosure, then suddenly the placement denial and were like "oh, holy poo poo". Unless it's insanely coincidental that it was another student (which, could be? but it's not that big of an area) they kept the childs information private other than gender and age. That was worded weird, been a very long/stressful week. Unsafe around small children was one reason we were given as to the placement denial when it wasn't even brought up before, worker couldn't go into further detail obviously. No worries, that makes more sense. How hosed up. There's a place in hell for teachers who do that kind of poo poo.
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Jun 27, 2019 04:38
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Hey Thaddeus, thanks, that's a lot of awesome food for thought. Also everybody else who contributes. You are good.
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Jun 28, 2019 10:41
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I'm curious to know if anybody has had any experience with this organization?: https://familypreservation365.com They seem fringe, and they don't seem all that big or influential but I've got a family member I've reconnected with after a few years who appears to be involved in some way. I'm not saying that some of their concerns aren't valid or shouldn't be considered, but my wife and I are adoptive parents (we have a son who is almost 3, that we've had since his birth) and I'm sort of half expecting I might have to actually defend how our family came to be to this person - as hosed up as that sounds. Their site is pretty meh, but their social media looks like it can be hostile. I just wasn't sure what to make of it. Is this a thing beyond a few fringe nutters? On another note: I've only ever lurked this thread maybe once or twice. Congrats to everyone, and all the best luck to you and your families!
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Jul 4, 2019 01:34
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tek79 posted:I'm curious to know if anybody has had any experience with this organization?: https://familypreservation365.com Without doing any research whatsoever, I’ve had several aggrieved parents start up multiple organizations each, which seemed to all connect into a giant network of people who hate the foster care system; it’s never to say there aren’t plenty of legitimate critiques to be made, but even beyond how varied policy, procedure, and law are between states, I’m obviously quite leery of any of these groups as even ignoring their specific complaints they tend to be more for personal grievance than a systemic issue. There are plenty of watchdog organizations that are entirely on the level, I’m just hugely cynical about them!
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Jul 4, 2019 01:39
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That's about what I've gathered. It more seems to be a collection of people who have had a negative experience looking for an outlet.
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Jul 4, 2019 13:51
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It sometimes is such a trip, because I spend my entire waking life as a social worker trying to reunite families or find relatives that I can bring forward to support kids. They pay me a full time salary for that, because guess what - adoption is DIFFICULT and kids do better with blood family. The system knows that. When the system works correctly, it's better for everyone when kids stay with their families. An adoption is joyful for the adoptive family, but also evidence of my failure to find a better option for the kiddo. So when I get called a baby broker and that I must get commissions on stealing brown babies it makes me so sad 
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Jul 4, 2019 16:39
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Mocking Bird posted:It sometimes is such a trip, because I spend my entire waking life as a social worker trying to reunite families or find relatives that I can bring forward to support kids. They pay me a full time salary for that, because guess what - adoption is DIFFICULT and kids do better with blood family. The system knows that. When the system works correctly, it's better for everyone when kids stay with their families. An adoption is joyful for the adoptive family, but also evidence of my failure to find a better option for the kiddo. Dunning-Kruger effect. Many people who cannot provide a stable and safe environment for their children, also do not have the necessary understanding to realize that they are unable to provide a safe and stable environment for their children. In many cases, sadly, it's an intergenerational problem; "this is how I grew up, what's wrong with it???" But it's obviously no reason to allow the cycle of neglect or abuse to continue.
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Jul 4, 2019 20:16
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There are two kids in my extended family that may be in a position where they need to be long-term fostered or adopted. My parents want to have the kids. There's nobody else in the family who would take them afaik. My parents are already talking with excitement about how they're gonna teach the kids how to obey, and what no means, jump when they say jump, etc. etc. My parents would definitely hit them, sometimes deliberately and sometimes in anger. Both kids are under 5. 1. If the kids do need to be placed (iffy) and my parents volunteer (definitely), would CPS ask around first, like would they want to interview me? 2. If I talk to CPS, should I torpedo my parents' application? They don't drink or do drugs or anything, and there's no sexual abuse and they would love them, there's just plenty of hitting and yelling. I'm really not sure whether that would be better or worse than a random nonkinship placement. My parents also have no money and my dad has health issues, so those would be good cover reasons to deny them. I just don't know whether another foster family would be even worse.
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Jul 4, 2019 20:52
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i like nice words
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Anne Whateley posted:There are two kids in my extended family that may be in a position where they need to be long-term fostered or adopted. My parents want to have the kids. There's nobody else in the family who would take them afaik. My parents are already talking with excitement about how they're gonna teach the kids how to obey, and what no means, jump when they say jump, etc. etc. My parents would definitely hit them, sometimes deliberately and sometimes in anger. Both kids are under 5. CPS #1 rule is a 'hands-off' approach to parenting. Considering they do monthly visits on placements, the second there's an accusation or reported 'referral' that gives them cause to check, the kids would be immediately removed and their ability to ever foster/adopt again would end. They're extremely strict about this and go over it multiple times in training. There's a lot of required training before even before being approved, on top of interviews, home inspections, and unless you live in the home then no you wouldn't be spoken to. States tend to take referrals for violence referrals very seriously, so, that doesn't really work in their favor of having placement. If you suspected anything you could certainly voice your concern with the state if they ever did take placement. In our news, the 3rd teen we've been waiting on they updated us pre-disclosure that was supposed to be coming up that they are going to court for being involved in a rather large scale fight where charges are being pressed. We're going to move forward to disclosure to see what the extent or involvement was, but given that it's a non-commitment initially we'll see if it was circumstantial or a no-go. Lot of things can happen in group home situations, so, playing this one by ear. Kodilynn fucked around with this message at 21:13 on Jul 4, 2019 |
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Jul 4, 2019 21:09
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I don't live with them, we're all in different states. My parents would make it through the training fine, nodding in all the right places and passing the tests or whatever. Then they would come home and be like "can you believe liberals think even yelling is abuse now? Kids just need to be hit, can't raise them right otherwise." They aren't dumb enough to fail the training. Having the kids placed with my parents and then immediately jerked away again would be obv destabilizing and not ideal. Either I should torpedo my parents' application before placement, or if my parents are still better than the average foster home, they should stay there.
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Jul 4, 2019 21:17
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There's no chance of your parents being able to make a real change regarding physical discipline? Because for foster children it is absolutely a deal breaker, and really having a come to Jesus about it where children can grow up with family who love them would be ideal. It's also possible to let them know those children WILL be yanked away if they ever lay a finger on them.
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Jul 6, 2019 18:33
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Mocking Bird posted:There's no chance of your parents being able to make a real change regarding physical discipline? Because for foster children it is absolutely a deal breaker, and really having a come to Jesus about it where children can grow up with family who love them would be ideal. It's also possible to let them know those children WILL be yanked away if they ever lay a finger on them. In any case it's screwed up thinking. Here's a kid who has -- in the very, very best of circumstances -- been subject to parental neglect for so long and to such a degree they've been removed from their home, something that usually happens only after at least one warning as I understand it. Now, to get them to bond with you and to trust you, you're gonna whup em gud with a leather belt? "drat, something's wrong with this kid. No matter how many whuppings he gets he never learns. Well, he'll figure it out one of these days." *slides belt out of belt loops*
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Jul 7, 2019 04:40
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...and also they're under 5. No, there's a 0% chance they won't hit them. I actually thought at first they might not -- they've gotten older and maybe mellowed, they obv don't hit me and other kids anymore since we're adults, it could be okay?? But then they were talking so gleefully about how the 3-year-old is just a bad kid and how they're really gonna teach him a lesson, boy, he's not gonna disobey them. I mean they weren't even like reluctant, they were looking forward to it. Another time, I mentioned having kids now wasn't like the '80s, standards are different, people can't do the same stuff now they did then, there would be different requirements if you got these kids...and that's when I got the "can you believe you're not supposed to hit 'em, liberals gone mad" speech. The kids are in the south, but my parents are in New England, they're from there, there's no Texas "excuse." That said, they also won't beat them with a belt, it's just regular stuff. So the question is just whether that's worse or better than whatever actually happens at a random foster home. Also unfortunately if they need to be fostered/adopted, it would be because their single mom is not abusive, but dead. She's raising them without hitting or even yelling at them afaik, and it drives my parents up a wall. Anne Whateley fucked around with this message at 10:12 on Jul 7, 2019 |
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Jul 7, 2019 10:09
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No states tolerate it. As to whether there's sufficient staffing to act on it might be another story, but the second there's a report (referral) of abuse/suspected abuse of any kind, which includes physical discipline, if it's investigated and found to be true their home would be 'closed' and they would be barred from opening it again for life. As far as I know that's a rule nation wide. Anyone can call in a report to the state as a concern they're required to investigate it.
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Jul 7, 2019 16:53
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Kodilynn posted:No states tolerate it. As to whether there's sufficient staffing to act on it might be another story, but the second there's a report (referral) of abuse/suspected abuse of any kind, which includes physical discipline, if it's investigated and found to be true their home would be 'closed' and they would be barred from opening it again for life. As far as I know that's a rule nation wide. Anyone can call in a report to the state as a concern they're required to investigate it. If my information is correct it's not so clean cut. I had kids whose first placement lasted a short time because the kids were spanked. I was told on the DL by someone who should know those parents still have their license; they just had to go through remedial training because it was the parents' first placement too. Whether these parents were truly ignorant or had to be forcefully reminded (and I'm sure that if they did it again they'd have their license yanked), the key thing it's an aberration and (at least in WA state) this sort of poo poo get followed up on and investigated. We had a CPS investigation because one of our kids who had to be housed elsewhere told stories: I held him down with a knee on his back, he had 5 minutes to eat breakfast before school, my wife threatened to wash his mouth out with soap, etc. All those stories were exaggerated with a grain of truth: I had to restrain him when he got violent toward my wife and potentially the tiny mutts and the 3 year old; I set a timer on breakfast but they always had at least 20 minutes -- he was probably remembering me giving them 5 minute warnings; when my mother was in town my wife and her were talking about how both my wife and I got our mouths washed out with soap but times have changed and that's not acceptable anymore; etc. I was annoyed with the investigation at first -- over two hours of wasted time! -- but then realized that if we were getting investigated then foster parents doing worse were getting their poo poo scanned with a magnifying glass, and that makes it worthwhile.
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Jul 7, 2019 17:16
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I don't believe that a 3 year old orphan should be expected to thrive in an environment where they are gleefully hit and told they are a bad kid. Throw them under the bus and give the kids a chance. Under 5s have many options for loving adoption.Admiralty Flag posted:So is that true in all states? I don't know which state Anne Whateley's parents are in, but I can see Texas -- a state where teachers displayed their wooden paddles proudly on the wall and I was paddled in school for misbehavior (granted, that was like millennia ago cuz I'm an Old) -- having the threshold for acceptable corporal punishment be "no lasting or permanent marks". It's not illegal to hit a child unless you cause "lasting harm" in most states (bruises, ongoing emotional damage, cuts, burns, broken bones). However, it is against foster parent mandates and can cause you to lose your license at ANY level of severity. And it if DOES cause lasting harm, you might be charged with injuring a child.
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Jul 7, 2019 23:25
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does anyone itt know much about the australian foster system?
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Jul 10, 2019 10:54
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foster's is australian for beer sorry not sorry
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Jul 10, 2019 14:32
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peanut posted:foster's is australian for beer Won't lie, I laughed. nankeen posted:does anyone itt know much about the australian foster system? Only from what I've read just because I was curious how it compared to American CPS type systems and we also looked at adopting on a much larger than just US scale for a time. From what I've read, their age range is 0-17 which ends earlier than the US which has extended in some states to 21 instead of 18 for age-out. They also have the option of voluntary guardianship type placement without having to get the authorities involved which I can't imagine someone would do, but, apparently it's a thing known as 'informal care'. Their reported numbers are far lower than the US for teens with the option of 'Out of Home Care' which was a bit more in depth than I read into. They seem to be a bit more involved in the systems and the children than the US is but their age out statistics and the result of that seem pretty side by side in multiple case workers, social issues, success issues, life issues, drug abuse, alcoholism, etc. They also seem to treat it more like Indian Tribes do here in that they try their damnedest to keep it within the family using non-kin as a very last resort. One thing that's finally catching attention locally (and should have been pushed before) has been the Ace Score system. If you're unfamiliar, https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ is a link where you can go over the questions yourself. It's more of a metric that can highlight why certain behaviors manifest and what can increase the chances of certain ones are based on your answers. I'm not sure if/how the system has been using it, but it's gaining more press lately as the foster system is getting a lot more spotlight nationally.
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Jul 10, 2019 15:52
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My partner and I are now licensed fost adopt parents, and we have a pending inquiry for a 14 year old girl that we're really excited about. I hope she and her social worker like us 
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Sep 14, 2019 02:57
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Mocking Bird posted:My partner and I are now licensed fost adopt parents, and we have a pending inquiry for a 14 year old girl that we're really excited about. I hope she and her social worker like us Yaaaay! Congratulations! We have been doing visits with our matched16 year old girl and per the states plan we will continue to do so until around early December then she can come to us full time. Courts move sloooooooooooooooooow. But we couldn't be happier. Gearing up at 5am this morning to drive halfway across the state to spend the weekend with her.
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Sep 14, 2019 11:41
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That's so great! Congratulations to your fam  Our region moves slow for licensing, but much faster for matching and placement (especially for older kids) so if the initial meeting with the social worker and young lady goes well there's a good chance she'll be with us before Halloween. We also have a second inquiry ready to go for a 16 year old young lady if for some reason the first doesn't work out - she is also really great, and sounds very similar in history and personality to my daughter, but lives further away and would have to change schools etc if she lived with us
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Sep 14, 2019 21:31
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Does your state allow for dual certifications where if one doesn’t work out you can have a backup? We’re only allowed to be authorized for one child period then we’re considered “closed” until it’s either adoption (preferably) or the child backs out which with teens is always a possibility. We actually did family group therapy today (courts require it) and she admitted she has a lot of anxiety about being rejected and it not working out so it was a lot of reassurance that we’re in it for the long haul and everyone completely understands. I wish our state moved quickly on the rest. With any luck she will be with us around Christmas god willing. That’d be the best gift ever.
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Sep 15, 2019 00:37
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No, California does the same thing - approved for one child at a time. However, because of how my area is with teens, they really want to make sure there's a plan B because we may be the only family to express interest in either young lady for the next six months
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Sep 15, 2019 00:44
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Yeah the teen rate of need is extremely high with demand extremely low. Everyone here wants babies and there’s a wait list. They make it extremely clear there’s a huge need for all ages but of course everyone just wants babies. They have special adoption parties specifically to match teens and they always have depressingly abysmal turnouts.
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Sep 15, 2019 00:56
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I know those events are really amazing tools for connecting teens to parents that were uncertain before meeting them as individuals, but holy poo poo do I hate them. Our basic criteria was just that the child have the potential to be independent adults (knowing that there is never a guarantee) and that we don't have the capacity for kids who act out inappropriately (sexually) because my daughter has really negative reactions to that (will punch them)
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Sep 15, 2019 01:02
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Mocking Bird posted:I know those events are really amazing tools for connecting teens to parents that were uncertain before meeting them as individuals, but holy poo poo do I hate them. Our basic criteria was just that the child have the potential to be independent adults (knowing that there is never a guarantee) and that we don't have the capacity for kids who act out inappropriately (sexually) because my daughter has really negative reactions to that (will punch them) The one we went to was incredibly awkward to the point that I felt bad being there. Most of teens you could tell wanted no part of being there, were probably convinced by their AT worker that it was a good idea, they had the front/look that they didn't want to be approached, etc. The few that we did talk to were nice, and there is some humor that the one we were matched with wasn't even there but was in the book that has pictures and short bios of all the kids. Visit Saturday with our girl was awesome, visit Sunday was preempted that something happened where she stays overnight, all the girls were in trouble, and all visitation was cancelled. I feel like this hurts the parents just as much as the kids and of course no details were given to us, just that it wasn't happening this weekend. Packed up and came home early, nothing we can do other than be curious and sad. Anyone who doesn't have the ability to get into foster/adoption but still wants to help, seriously look into CASA volunteering. There is a minimum time commitment but you become a very powerful voice in a child's life that has little to no direction and may feel lost as hell with no one to turn to.
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Sep 16, 2019 00:13
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