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InediblePenguin posted:it's like when people say that having boundaries which cut them out of your life is abusive, or even "so much for the tolerant left" -- they learned a word that means a thing is bad, and how to turn it on their enemies even though it only fits because they misunderstand (or forcibly twist) the term's meaning
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 03:58 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 14:53 |
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:It's really super weird how they all use the word "enmeshed" to describe someone getting along well with their family. https://mental-health-matters.com/talking-to-a-narcissist-the-weapon-of-language/ it's a tiny view into how they view the world. there is only 'us' and 'them'. if someone they know is getting along with others, they are becoming something they cannot comprehend, and thus a sort of hive mind. at the same time, those that are under their sway are 'normal' and 'well behaved' because they bend to the Narcs demands and worldview.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 04:07 |
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SpaceSDoorGunner posted:Here’s the quote on Reddit about the author who founded the “rejected parents” community from a user claiming to be her Son’s wife. Apparently other people who personally have known the author have left other comments on some of her works https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-e46xdcUo By comparison, you know the other person from earlier in this thread is real because their account existed years before the posted in response to an article and they continue to post about other things.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 04:44 |
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This is it, this is the thread video.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 05:28 |
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teen witch posted:This is it, this is the thread video. A true art.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 05:40 |
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A crosspost from the r/relationships thread:Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for confronting my stepdaughter about the way she treats my wife?
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 05:56 |
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OMFG FURRY posted:https://mental-health-matters.com/talking-to-a-narcissist-the-weapon-of-language/ Oh definitely. I guess it's just very strange to read those words and think that person writing them truly believes not only what they're saying, but that other people will see things from their point of view. It's really heartbreaking to think about children having to cope with this well into adulthood.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 06:40 |
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MasBrillante posted:A crosspost from the r/relationships thread: I mean, let's assume that this narrative is totally accurate. It still reads as "my stepdaughter was a jerk whom I want out of my life, but now that she's cut herself from our lives I resent her for that"
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 06:45 |
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One thing that kills me about the people mocking the people on these sites is that they shorten "narcissist" to "N" even though when most sane and well adjusted hear someone say "the N word" they assume it's referring to a racial epithet and not an overused piece of armchair psychology. This leads to some frankly hilarious turns of phrase for anyone who isn't so lacking in empathy with regards to their choice of specialized language.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 06:57 |
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Sleeveless posted:One thing that kills me about the people mocking the people on these sites is that they shorten "narcissist" to "N" even though when most sane and well adjusted hear someone say "the N word" they assume it's referring to a racial epithet and not an overused piece of armchair psychology. This leads to some frankly hilarious turns of phrase for anyone who isn't so lacking in empathy with regards to their choice of specialized language. I feel a jolt every time I read N as a prefix to be quite honest.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 07:18 |
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My parents didn’t allow my mother’s parents to see me as a young child because my grandfather had molested children in our family and my grandmother had been complicit in covering it up. Sorry if this post is pretty dark because I’m immune to being surprised that childhood sexual abuse may be the root of something when you don’t expect it...but I wonder how many of these posts have “believed children can/should consent to sex” as subtext to the “My children were well behaved and used to listen to me, now they have this crazy idea that my tough love was abuse” I wonder if my grandparents would have written, had they access to this kind of space when they realized that they were not going to be able to see their kept grandchildren, and what kind of mental gymnastics they would have pulled off.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 08:13 |
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Lots of these stories have that subtext to them but often you dont find out since they like to avoid discussing accusations to make them seem baseless. "Said nasty things about being inappropriate" is always rape/child molestation in these though and that comes up a fair bit
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 09:03 |
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Sleeveless posted:One thing that kills me about the people mocking the people on these sites is that they shorten "narcissist" to "N" even though when most sane and well adjusted hear someone say "the N word" they assume it's referring to a racial epithet and not an overused piece of armchair psychology. This leads to some frankly hilarious turns of phrase for anyone who isn't so lacking in empathy with regards to their choice of specialized language. Binch plz.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 10:30 |
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I knew I shouldn't have looked at this thread and did it anyways. This is like a family gathering.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 11:03 |
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Drunk Nerds posted:I mean, let's assume that this narrative is totally accurate. It still reads as "my stepdaughter was a jerk whom I want out of my life, but now that she's cut herself from our lives I resent her for that" Also, "my wife and I kicked stepdaughter out when she was 14 and that caused long-lasting damage. What the gently caress?" Like, what, you kick a child out - the ultimate form of rejection - and think that's going to FIX things?! ...and, as always, who the gently caress knows what they're not telling us in their version of events.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 13:02 |
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Sleeveless posted:One thing that kills me about the people mocking the people on these sites is that they shorten "narcissist" to "N" even though when most sane and well adjusted hear someone say "the N word" they assume it's referring to a racial epithet and not an overused piece of armchair psychology. This leads to some frankly hilarious turns of phrase for anyone who isn't so lacking in empathy with regards to their choice of specialized language. Try reading any of the posts with these Ns in uncle ruckus' voice.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 14:58 |
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MasBrillante posted:I feel a jolt every time I read N as a prefix to be quite honest. Same. It makes me believe this was done purposefully. I imagine the first few of these estrangement parents to start using N were also racist as frick. Thereby adding another layer to the insult, which in their warpped minds places whomever on the same level as an inferior race.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 15:07 |
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I absolutely had to know more about the backstory on this one, and now unfortunately you all do too quote:When my 18-year-old left suddenly I knew I was going to be a mess. I reached out trying to find something to help me get through the initial shock and help me figure out how to go on. I found Sheri’s book and this website and introduced myself. But I never told you the full story. quote:I sit here in the evening searching for my children on line. I come very close to trying to contact them and then pull back knowing that they don’t want to hear from me. They have moved – have new email and phone numbers, but mine is still the same. So they don’t have any issues with contacting me. They just don’t. quote:Well, I didn’t really think it could get any worse and I was wrong. quote:I saw my attorney today. He said at first glance he sees this as “a spoiled rotten brat.” quote:Anyway, the order of protection is full of lies. I homeschooled her and she was in college by 15 – just graduated in December. She accused me of every kind of child abuse possible – for her entire life! And many, many other things that can be easily disproven. In fact my oldest (42) even wrote a letter to the court stating that these were lies. quote:yes, it is going to cost me thousands, but I will not let her get away with this. And… I had bought her a car a year and a half ago – $15,000. Still in my name. She left it here when she moved out. So… I’m selling it this week for legal funds. quote:Had a court appearance today and I had an attorney at my side. quote:First I want to thank everyone for your support through this horrible time. In consultation with my attorney we decided to agree to the 1-year order that makes me stay away from her. Honestly, I never want to see her again, so that was no big deal. quote:She could still try to go after support, but has nothing to stand on now. She left and I did nothing to make her leave – the courts will consider that as abandoning her home and parent. Of course there will be more attorney fees for me. Her friend (I refer to this individual because their sexuality is in flux) is five years older than her and an employee of the college she attended. I believe that the individual found someone who was accepting of them and grabbed hold. And then took away everything that was my daughters – her family, her future. And old enough to know how to do it. quote:I need some input – or advice – or maybe just someone telling me it’s okay. quote:I also texted my ES. Only because there are thousands of dollars in Lego here quote:I don’t know if she’ll ever get anything back, but for now this is about me. oh, and we finally get to find out what the deal was w/that original HORRIBLE BETRAYAL by the daughter was when she was leaving the house, although it's kinda anticlimactic: quote:I agree with you – there is a line that you don’t cross, and she did. I don’t believe that you can come back from some things. I believe that sometime in her life she will regret this. A relationship at 18 with someone who is 23… hmm… I don’t see that lasting. And then maybe she’ll realize what she did. But it won’t change things for me. I totally understand when you say you are afraid. The night she left she let police in my home – at 12:15am. I woke up to them coming up the stairs to my bedroom. I had been asleep for 2 ˝ hours. She took that time to move out, call her friend for a ride, and then called the police and told them I took a bottle of pills. That was insane! And scared me so much! Obviously, the police realized what was going on and left. My attorney said she did it so that she wouldn’t have to talk to me when she was leaving. It was a line that was crossed then, but I was still concerned about her. And though I may still be concerned about her – I believe she is in an abusive relationship – I will NEVER trust her, and can’t imagine ever allowing her in the same room. and finally, just in case anyone is still under the faintest impression that there might be reasonable, not-racist humans posting on those forums, here's the very first response to one of her threads: quote:I am so sorry. I do know a little of what you are going through. It is a living nightmare not knowing where she is or if she is safe. I went through a similar situation with my ED at cutoff #1 when she ran off at 16 with her boyfriend who was 18 and was here illegally with his family from Mexico and was always badmouthing America and talking about leaving this “horrible country”.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 15:14 |
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Another example of people not having children, even heinous racists and criminals, being morally superior to breeders
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 15:16 |
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THOT PATROL posted:I absolutely had to know more about the backstory on this one, and now unfortunately you all do too She's affluent, owns her own business, yet had time to home school her youngest daughter? Realtor. One of the failings of our modern economic system, is that narcissists and psychopaths always seem to rise to the top. I mean, one kid joined the military at age 20, another is dating a trans woman - this woman is odious to a broad spectrum.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 16:40 |
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All five children left as soon as possible and cut contact. Some permanently.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 16:48 |
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I find a lot of these narratives very frustrating because they're so obviously incomplete. My daughter told TERRIBLE LIES but I'm not going to say what they are. I was accused of BEING RUDE but I'm not going to say what I specifically was called out for doing because if I just say "being rude" it makes my accusers look irrational. And of course, there's the eternal assumption that their children cannot possibly be making decisions on their own. They are either subservient to me or they are being controlled by someone else, probably their spouse. I have an aunt and uncle like this (my father no longer really talks to his sister), and I'm also dating someone whose mother is very much like this. Recently we were trying to decide whether we should do a road trip or use airmiles to go for a small trip, and her mother told her she was not allowed to do a road trip. My girlfriend is 43 and she is not allowed to go on a road trip across the province to visit family (who adore her) with me. I offered a spite road trip, my car is up to it, but we decided to fly this time. They just treat her like garbage and sometimes I'm just so mad about it, but it's also not really my fight at this point. I fully expect that at some point I'm going to stop getting the polite smiles and general good will and become the evil controlling bitch who stole their daughter away, to my cult-like enmeshed family.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 17:27 |
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I have a friend who literally snuck out of his parent's home early morning his 18th birthday in a pre-arranged getaway organized by a couple different people to get him to a better living situation where he wasn't constantly being yelled at and given food he physically couldn't eat because of a digestive disorder. His parents attempted to have him declared incompetent and placed under their guardianship and then when that failed they proceeded to tell people all about how he'd been kidnapped and they didn't know why he was being so mean and oh it was so unfair. EDIT: They were literally deliberately buying food he couldn't properly digest and then calling him lazy and overdramatic for having symptoms of his disorder when he ate the food out of desperation.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 17:30 |
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I have a morbid fascination with parents using their will as a form of control. Often I see the power of money overrule the parents' abusive bullshit, so the kids stuck around, and it's sad. Honestly it's hard to say what I would do. Put up with toxicity for another decade or two or three, then get an inheritance? Oof. The white bourgeoisie world is FUBAR
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 17:47 |
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MasBrillante posted:My day job involves close reading. At night I use my powers for Pettiness. I love this and might buy you a new title.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 18:05 |
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Mokelumne Trekka posted:I have a morbid fascination with parents using their will as a form of control. Often I see the power of money overrule the parents' abusive bullshit, so the kids stuck around, and it's sad. Honestly it's hard to say what I would do. Put up with toxicity for another decade or two or three, then get an inheritance? Oof. My parents tried to do this to me. They claimed that the will and life insurance money was all in my name to try to get me to stay around. I hosed off instead. Great decision, I'm no longer depressed and anxiety ridden 24/7 after estranging myself from their bs. Instead my wife's weird but loving family has shown me what I should have had as a kid
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 18:15 |
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Unless the parents are literally millionaires, don't count on inheriting poo poo. These toxic parents are the types to frivolously spend any so-called "inheritance" money away at the casino, and secretly reverse mortgage their house (for more money at the casino). Most of us will just be lucky if their "estate" is enough to cover funeral/burial/cremation expenses. I'm estranged from my father (lots of drug/alcohol issues on top of just weird and abusive behavior), and I often wonder what will happen when he dies. He has negative monies. I'm his oldest son, and I have a younger sister. We're both in different states away from him. Am I on the hook for his burial/cremation? Would they come looking for me? If they find me, can I just say, "nah?" The wildcard is that he has four siblings who live in the same state as him. They'd probably begrudgingly take care of that poo poo if I didn't, and then hold my non-participation against me forever, 'cuz that's the Irish-Catholic way. (Not that it matters, I haven't talked to them for 15 years! Can't shun me if you already don't talk to me!) But I sometimes wonder about his state forcing me to pay thousands of dollars for him even though I'm in a different state, etc.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 18:32 |
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Slaan posted:Great decision, I'm no longer depressed and anxiety ridden 24/7 after estranging myself from their bs. Instead my wife's weird but loving family has shown me what I should have had as a kid Can I get a hell yeah?!
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 18:35 |
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I don't think they can make you do poo poo and creditors just have to write it off on their taxes but I'm not a lawyer.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 18:35 |
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Moridin920 posted:I don't think they can make you do poo poo and creditors just have to write it off on their taxes but I'm not a lawyer. Basically this, for the most part. My mother had a fair amount of debt when she died, and we were able to avoid paying any of it by proving she was dead. HOWEVER, my sister had to push our mom's attorney on that point really hard for him to do any research on that in the first place, so some people may get stuck paying for part of their parents' debts because they'd rather pay pennies on the dollar and be done with it instead of spend any more time on their parents' bullshit. God, this thread brings me back. I remember my brother growing a pot plant in our mom's empty apartment for the period between her death and us selling the home.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 18:47 |
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I'm not worried about my father's MANY debts. Anyone who comes to me for that is just going to get laughed at. I'm worried specifically about the state coming at me for the disposal of his body. I'm not throwing him a funeral, I'm not attending any such thing, and I sure as poo poo don't want to pay for whatever the state does with his unclaimed body. Also, the aunts and uncles I mentioned who might take care of it, I forgot to add they're estranged from him as well. But like I said, they might pony up and take care of it 'cuz Catholicism and poo poo.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 18:58 |
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I am pretty sure all you have to do is sign a release form for the county coroner's office but again not a lawyer. You'll have to pay them if you want the ashes but otherwise that's all.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 19:01 |
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LabyaMynora posted:I'm not worried about my father's MANY debts. Anyone who comes to me for that is just going to get laughed at. Well, New Jersey once tried to charge me for them crushing my car into a cube so....
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 19:02 |
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Moridin920 posted:I am pretty sure all you have to do is sign a release form for the county coroner's office but again not a lawyer. You'll have to pay them if you want the ashes but otherwise that's all. I ain't signing poo poo, and I don't want poo poo.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 19:28 |
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They can't compel you to do anything for him, especially since you don't even live in the same state. Eventually he goes to a city/county burial site for unclaimed bodies.
a mysterious cloak fucked around with this message at 20:15 on Jul 14, 2019 |
# ? Jul 14, 2019 20:10 |
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a mysterious cloak posted:They can't compel you to do anything for him. Eventually he goes to a city/county burial site for unclaimed bodies. Good, glad to hear it. Thank you.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 20:13 |
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InediblePenguin posted:IDK why we're having this conversation on a dead gay comedy forum but I guess after we're done we can go read threads about anime and Star Trek tbh poo poo like the website in the OP are the an example of the kind of weird aggrandizing the internet allows complete fuckups and weirdos to do. If SA has any message or ethos or whatever, it's mocking people who do that.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 21:14 |
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- pretending to faint at my grandmother's funeral, so she could shove in her siblings' faces how much more she loved her than they did - called the police on me after locking me out because i came home late after work. i told her i was going to be late, she knew i was at work. when they arrived, she said "i just don't KNOW what he's up to late at night anymore!" and had the cops lecture me for half an hour. when they left she gave me an awful smile. - the next time i was at work, she called my manager to scream at him for keeping me out so late. i was 18, and this was around the holidays. basically anything they can do to keep you from gaining independence, they'll do. it's a threat to their grip on you and they will come out swinging
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 21:42 |
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I like how the Themes of Estranged Parents' Forums menu on that site's sidebar could also read Things a 'nice guy' says before the rape/murder. It's the same twisted sense of entitlement to everything you have because they deserve compensation for something they decided to do on their own.
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 21:52 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 14:53 |
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quote:I have to say that reading the above posts make me realize we are not alone. Our relationship with our son has been up and down for over 10 years. We have contact, then are cut off, contacted again and cut off again. Never invited to his first wedding, only learned of anything when he was getting divorced. When we see him it always is hard to deal with. He is sullen, non communicative, at times abusive and makes us feel as if we did something to him despite being very good parents. We have been very generous to him paying for a lovely home for him, making needed repairs when bought, then more repairs recently. Additionally, we have voluntarily offered to pay for dental, medical and car loans all in hopes that we would be treated nicely. We used to gift him the maximum allowed under the tax law every year but upon learning that he had squandered hundreds of thousands of dollars left to him by his grandfather, we stopped that as the money was simply being wasted on not sure what as he cannot account for where all the money and I do mean a large sum went. The latest episode began when he called one day in the fall saying he bought airline tickets and he has wife and infant were headed our way. He quoted the price he paid and unlike in past experiences when he called, I did not offer to pay for them. I simply said, ok. We were thrilled and I planned nice meals, bought things the baby and was truly looking forward to a nice family get together. When they arrived, he snuck off, bought beer and drank it so that he became obnoxious with talk that could only be considered crazy. We learned that after stopping drinking for about a year that he had once again taken to drinking 4-5 cans of beer every nite. In addition, he smoked at our home which we find distasteful especially since he is a new father. I stated my feelings that drinking excessively and smoking are not good for anyone especially a new father with a child to consider. When he was drunk he spoke about quitting his job and taking a menial job that he was not suited for which he said would be “fun.” And I guess I should not have said that someone with an advanced degree from a prestigious school would be embarrassing himself and his family by taking such a menial job that would fit someone without any skills or education. Yes, I said that and probably should not have in retrospect but it was simply crazy drunken talk and if he intended to push my buttons he certainly did so well. His wife agreed with me on all points I thought all was well. Not quite as during their stay there were complaints about the home cooked meals I had prepared, about the fact that the stay was not “exciting enough” and that they had expected more in the way of a vacation rather than being “stuck” in the house with us. We loved seeing our grandchild but truly were not happy with him or his behavior. When we dropped them off the airport we were both relieved- not a word of thanks for all we did simply a walk away. He has not been heard from since and it really upset both my husband and I. We are quite well off, have no one else in the world in terms of family and he stands to inherit a large sum of money- but as it stands, I question if he deserves anything at all? I like the idea of MJmom with the letter and the requirements and love animals so that her idea sounds great to me. I am regretting speaking my mind and wonder if I should try and apologize but then again I do not think excessive drinking are good so I cannot say I take it back, get drunk and smoke every night. Any advice?
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# ? Jul 14, 2019 22:22 |