Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma - The Something Awful Forums

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Guest2553: Aug 3, 2012

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/article235563497.html
https://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/20190927/military-officer-at-mar-a-lago-disciplined-for-lying-during-child-porn-investigation

BLUF: SSgt posted to Mar a Lago uses his real name and MOS as his handle for uploading pictures of an underage relative in her underwear to a russian child porn website, and linked the account to his government issued cell phone.

quote:

"The worst punishment I could receive is losing my position in the service," said Ciccarella, who enlisted when he was 19.

dumb gently caress.

Guest2553 fucked around with this message at 15:30 on Sep 28, 2019

# ? Sep 28, 2019 15:23

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 23:59

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

quote:

A military official formerly in charge of all White House communications for the U.S. Army at Mar-a-Lago was sentenced to three years of probation on Friday after he made false statements to a federal agent during a child pornography investigation.

For uploading pics of a little girl wearing only underwear to a seedy Russian website, and saying:

quote:

He posted one photo of the underage girl wearing only underwear and standing next to a Christmas tree. He titled it �dirty comments welcomed.� He uploaded a similar photo of the girl playing a board game.

quote:

Comments on the pictures included �can she be my present?� and �strip candy land!!! Why didn�t I think of that!�

But wait...

quote:

Prosecutors said the photos didn�t constitute child pornography and asked for a prison term up to six months, the Post reported. He faced a maximum of five years.

yea, sure, whatever you loving say, mr prosecutor :jerkbag:

quote:

He admitted to federal agents that he uploaded photos of the girl to the Internet, but said he did not condone the comments users posted about her.

I never condoned their comments, but I sure encouraged them :downs:

# ? Sep 28, 2019 15:33

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

Some other idiots:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/09/27/awol-soldiers-ukraine-kill-florida-couple/

Copy/paste, because gently caress their paywall:

quote:

Two AWOL soldiers joined a far-right militia in Ukraine. They returned to kill a couple in Florida, feds say.

The listing said, �For Sale: Lot of Guns,� and Serafin Lorenzo was interested.

The 53-year-old who went by Danny liked to buy expensive items and resell them for a profit, and the cache of guns he found on Armslist.com offered the bargain he was looking for. There were four Glocks, a couple 9mm pistols and nine high-powered rifles. The Florida seller, a guy named Jeremy, wanted just $3,000 cash.

�Leaving the country soon,� Jeremy�s listing said. �Looking to sale all my guns as I can�t take them with me.�

Less than 24 hours after inquiring, Lorenzo and his 51-year-old wife, Deana, were on the road from Brooksfield, Fla., late on the night of April 9, 2018, to meet Jeremy at an address just off Corkscrew Road in Estero. At 10:44 p.m., Lorenzo texted: �I�m at the church.�

Minutes later, the Lorenzos were dead.

Police wouldn�t find Lorenzo and his wife in the church parking lot until the next morning. Next to Lorenzo�s body was a bill of sale for 15 firearms � and a cellphone that would send the FBI down a wild path stretching halfway around the world leading to the alleged perpetrators.

Starting with little more than the online gun listing and the texts to Lorenzo from a Walmart burner phone, authorities say they learned the gunmen were two ex-Army soldiers bent on joining right-wing paramilitary groups involved in armed conflicts worldwide. The gun listing was true in one respect: They were leaving the country � to go to Venezuela to fight the government with the resistance, prosecutors say. The guns were coming with them. They allegedly just wanted the Lorenzos� $3,000 to fund the journey.

On Wednesday, federal prosecutors identified the ex-soldiers as Alex Zwiefelhofer, 22, and Craig Lang, 29, in an indictment charging them with a host of federal crimes tied to the double homicide in Estero. The 33-page complaint traces the soldiers� zigzagging paramilitary campaigns across the world, starting in Ukraine and, in Lang�s case, finally to Venezuela, revealing how some military veterans have been drawn to extremist causes overseas.

Caught in the crosshairs were the Lorenzos � in an ambush plot that the FBI says Zwiefelhofer and Lang stole straight out of a movie clip they studied on the Internet.

�A review of this video was important,� an FBI special agent wrote of the unidentified movie, �in that the homicide scene in Estero, Fla., was consistent with the tactical approach of shooters and trajectory of the gunshot defects depicted in the movie.�

Lang was also named in a separate federal indictment this week as the alleged �mentor� to Army Pfc. Jarrett William Smith, who is accused of providing recipes for explosives online and talking about killing antifa protesters and bombing CNN, the network reported. Smith had hoped to join Lang as a fighter in another extremist unit in Ukraine, where Lang currently lives, according to that complaint.

Lang is now in custody in Ukraine, Radio Free Europe reported Thursday, citing Lang�s associates and local fighters. Zwiefelhofer was arrested earlier this month in Wisconsin, and both are now awaiting extradition to Florida. (The State Department did not immediately respond to a request for comment to confirm.) Attorneys for the men are not yet listed in federal court records. Lang�s Ukrainian girlfriend�s uncle, Ihor Skritsky, told Radio Free Europe that Lang �denies any involvement."

Zwiefelhofer and Lang were used to fighting behind the same lines.

They met after joining the same battalion in the Right Sector, a far-right Ukrainian nationalist paramilitary group dedicated to battling Russian separatists on eastern Ukrainian soil. Itching for combat, they were enamored by the group�s stated goal of removing Ukraine from Russian or European Union influence. �These people f------ want change,� Lang, who had completed two tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan, told Vice in a 2016 story about why right-wing Americans were joining the Right Sector. The Ukrainian government had banned the group from the battlefront.

Lang joined in 2016 after his life fell apart in the United States. In 2014, he went AWOL from Fort Bliss in El Paso and drove cross-country to North Carolina in a car stocked with assault rifles and body armor, saying he wanted to kill his pregnant wife, Vice reported. Lang was dishonorably discharged from the Army and, after spending time in jail for the incident, couldn�t get a job, he told Vice.

So, he went back to war. Months later, in September 2016, Zwiefelhofer would go AWOL from the Army too, prosecutors say, and would encounter Lang upon arriving in Ukraine.

But after a while, Lang and Zwiefelhofer decided they wanted to change course. In June 2017, they headed to East Africa to fight al-Shabab, a jihadist terrorist organization allied with al-Qaeda. They made it to Kenya-South Sudan border with one other former U.S. soldier � only to be captured by the Sudan People�s Liberation Army trying to cross into South Sudan without papers. Stuck in a Kenyan jail, writing from a smuggled �prison pocket phone,� Zwiefelhofer complained in a July 2017 Facebook post: �so, week six of African jail. just contracted cholera."

He and Lang would ultimately get deported back to the United States, each arriving at separate airports. But more jail awaited Zwiefelhofer upon his arrival in Charlotte that August. While interrogating him over his paramilitary endeavors in Ukraine and South Sudan, U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents at the airport also found child porn on his phone, according to the complaint. He was held in jail for months before being released on bond in November 2017 � only to fail to turn up for his hearings.

He and Lang were too busy plotting their next overseas war-zone mission, according to the complaint. This time, prosecutors said they planned to hijack a yacht in Miami and sail south to join the armed conflict against the Venezuelan government.

On Zwiefelhofer�s Internet history, the FBI discovered one question he asked Google: �How to Smuggle Myself to South America."

The FBI says it found the details of the plot in numerous Facebook messages he and Lang exchanged in the weeks and days leading up to the Lorenzo killings.

On April 4, 2018, the two men met at a Greyhound bus station in Florida and together headed to Miami, prosecutors say. Lang brought the cache of guns from home in Arizona. Once checked into the La Quinta Inn, they planned to hit up an Army surplus store for body armor, meet with a yachting company to tour some boats that would make ideal candidates for theft ― and finally, put up the fake gun listing to set up the deadly robbery, according to the complaint.

Just before setting it all in motion, the FBI said, they replayed the movie clip over and over from their hotel room � and then took selfies in Hawaiian-style shirts, the FBI wrote.

The text message the duo was waiting for came in at 2:10 p.m. on April 9: �I have cash on hand,� Lorenzo wrote. �Mine is a sure deal.�

By the time police discovered the Lorenzos� bodies in the church parking lot, Zwiefelhofer and Lang were long gone. One of Lang�s ex-Army associates would later tell the FBI that Lang and Zwiefelhofer never carried out the boat hijacking plot, instead fleeing to Washington state, as far away from the crime scene as possible.

Zwiefelhofer ultimately returned to Wisconsin. But Lang hadn�t given up on the plan to go to Venezuela or even back to Ukraine, prosecutors said. After lying low for a while, Lang met up with his ex-Army soldier associate, identified as M.S.M. in the indictment, who agreed with him to go south.

The new plan: Sell the guns used in the Florida killings to two men in exchange for their identities and Social Security numbers. That way, prosecutors said, they could obtain fraudulent passports and flee the United States for Ukraine or South America, according to the indictment.

It worked.

Lang and M.S.M. managed to fly to Bogota, Colombia. The resistance group Lang allegedly wanted to join had a safe house in the mountains of C�cuta, Colombia, and they were planning to cross the border to fight the Venezuelan government. Lang got on a bus, M.S.M. told the FBI, and that was the last time M.S.M. saw him. M.S.M. got cold feet.

�He left Lang in Bogota because M.S.M. did not want to kill people,� the FBI reported in the complaint.

Lang faces federal passport fraud charges in a separate indictment filed last month. In that case, a man named Matthew Scott McCloud is indicted in the conspiracy with Lang. According to Missouri authorities, McCloud fled to Ukraine to avoid prosecution for felony stealing, then traveled to Colombia, Mexico and back to the United States, the Columbia Daily Tribune reported.

As for Zwiefelhofer, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives arrested him in May in Chippewa Falls, Wis., after he allegedly lied on an ATF form while trying to buy a gun. The FBI obtained a warrant to search his home, finding the distinctive Hawaiian shirt they allege he wore in Miami, and the laptop containing his search history.

The gun listing, they said, was created under the name Jeremy on that same computer.

During an interrogation, Zwiefelhofer told the FBI about his excursions with Lang in Ukraine. He told the agent about their plans to meet in Miami, how they wanted to take a boat to Venezuela.

But when asked about the burner phone authorities linked back to him, the one that lured Serafin and Deana Lorenzo to their deaths, Zwiefelhofer denied any wrongdoing. He said he only bought the burner phone at Walmart because they ran out of money to stay at La Quinta Inn and had to spend the night in a dog park, where the sprinkler system came on overnight and ruined his cellphone.

He said the story ended there.

# ? Sep 28, 2019 16:52

bird cooch: Jan 19, 2007

That's honestly impressive. I don't know what side the impressive part lies on whether it's the incompetence of law enforcement or the fact that two idiot Junior enlisted managed to go so far down the rabbit hole but that's quite a trip and would probably make a really interesting movie.

# ? Sep 28, 2019 19:58

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

That marine that claimed to have hosed Elizabeth Warren sounds like a real solid dude

https://twitter.com/TLCplMax/status/1179933436670169088

(thread)

# ? Oct 5, 2019 10:58

PurpleXVI: Oct 30, 2011; Spewing insults, pissing off all your neighbors, betraying your allies, backing out of treaties and accords, and generally screwing over the global environment?
ALL PART OF MY BRILLIANT STRATEGY!

God, Wohl's latest enterprise is one gently caress of an own goal. It seems to have convinced no one, has shown what a hilarious loser he is once again and only seems to have increased support for Warren.

# ? Oct 5, 2019 11:14

MRC48B: Apr 2, 2012

Wohl's real fuckup was playing this way too early. He could have made a bigger impact and muddied the waters more if he did this closer to the primary.

Also getting basic facts like the dates right.

# ? Oct 5, 2019 14:12

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

MRC48B posted:

Wohl's real fuckup was playing this way too early. He could have made a bigger impact and muddied the waters more if he did this closer to the primary.

Also getting basic facts like the dates right.

Any idiot convinced by this would never have voted for her in the first place.

# ? Oct 5, 2019 15:41

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

PurpleXVI posted:

God, Wohl's latest enterprise is one gently caress of an own goal. It seems to have convinced no one, has shown what a hilarious loser he is once again and only seems to have increased support for Warren.

If she wins he'll brain worm spin it into him being some deep state q fourth dimensional chess move that helped warren. Wohl be brokebrain.

# ? Oct 5, 2019 15:55

MRC48B: Apr 2, 2012

LingcodKilla posted:

Any idiot convinced by this would never have voted for her in the first place.

The intention isn't to win opposition voters, the point is to energize the base, spread misinformation and muddy the waters for the general election.

Wohl is a brokebrain idiot, but he makes a good pawn.

# ? Oct 5, 2019 16:33

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

MRC48B posted:

The intention isn't to win opposition voters, the point is to energize the base, spread misinformation and muddy the waters for the general election.

Wohl is a brokebrain idiot, but he makes a good pawn.

The problem is there�s no evidence that anything he�s done has worked even indirectly. He�s so dumb and unwilling to believe that he�s dumb that everyone knows him for how dumb he is. Even his Wikipedia page classifies his occupation as �fraudster�. The only people with any positive opinion of him at this point are so far gone into crazyland that they don�t need additional energizing to vote for Trump again.

# ? Oct 5, 2019 16:37

MRC48B: Apr 2, 2012

chitoryu12 posted:

The problem is there�s no evidence that anything he�s done has worked even indirectly. He�s so dumb and unwilling to believe that he�s dumb that everyone knows him for how dumb he is. Even his Wikipedia page classifies his occupation as �fraudster�. The only people with any positive opinion of him at this point are so far gone into crazyland that they don�t need additional energizing to vote for Trump again.

I understand what you are saying, but I disagree. There are far too many idiots who don't know they are idiots, and incapable of figuring out what wohl truly is.

His actual effect is immeasurable, but every bit counts in the right-wing media machine. Wohl is the blond kid in the "I'm doing my part" in starship troopers.

Everyone laughs, but there are many who don't get the joke.

# ? Oct 5, 2019 17:01

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

MRC48B posted:

I understand what you are saying, but I disagree. There are far too many idiots who don't know they are idiots, and incapable of figuring out what wohl truly is.

His actual effect is immeasurable, but every bit counts in the right-wing media machine. Wohl is the blond kid in the "I'm doing my part" in starship troopers.

Everyone laughs, but there are many who don't get the joke.

Just compare the responses between him and the Larouchite nutbag who crashed AOC's town hall with a fake message about eating babies. The latter actually got traction among the lunatic base, while the former is basically getting most of his attention from liberals laughing at him at this point.

# ? Oct 5, 2019 18:13

TheKennedys: Sep 23, 2006; By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Just compare the responses between him and the Larouchite nutbag who crashed AOC's town hall with a fake message about eating babies. The latter actually got traction among the lunatic base, while the former is basically getting most of his attention from liberals laughing at him at this point.

many years ago the CAD thread posted:

Every ~~comic artist~~ grifter on twitter is mocking you and your only friends are us!

# ? Oct 5, 2019 18:48

Guest2553: Aug 3, 2012

If the civil war chuds want to see so much ever plays out, it'll just be untold hours of Fedayeen Trump convoys eating hellfires in mx-15 monochrome.

# ? Oct 6, 2019 23:05

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Guest2553 posted:

If the civil war chuds want to see so much ever plays out, it'll just be untold hours of Fedayeen Trump convoys eating hellfires in mx-15 monochrome.

They�re strangely always so confident that they�ll just be smoking ATF dudes all day and that the cops and military will wholesale join them in overthrowing the gun-grabbing government.

The reality of them consistently being labeled as cop-killing terrorists with a complete lack of public support never seems to cross their mind, despite how quickly they jump to demonize Chris Dorner, Mike Johnson, Bryan Clyde or Willem Van Spronson.

Literally every time someone tries to do this whole �boogaloo� thing, regardless of political motivations, they get smoked in record time, and the would be boogaloo revolutionaries just cheer and bow down for more of that blue line boot. It�s cognitive dissonance at its finest.

# ? Oct 8, 2019 09:39

A Bad Poster: Sep 25, 2006; Seriously, shut the fuck up.

Km the other hand, those Bundy assholes pretty much got away with their stunt scott free, aside from tarp ghost (RIP in piece).

I'm still of the opinion that Obama would have been justified in dropping a hell fire on them in Oregon.

# ? Oct 8, 2019 11:24

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

Jose posted:

https://twitter.com/Jatosint/status/1181226238041440257?s=20

# ? Oct 8, 2019 12:09

Lead out in cuffs: Sep 18, 2012; "That's right. We've evolved."

"I can see that. Cool mutations."

A Bad Poster posted:

Km the other hand, those Bundy assholes pretty much got away with their stunt scott free, aside from tarp ghost (RIP in piece).

I'm still of the opinion that Obama would have been justified in dropping a hell fire on them in Oregon.

To be fair, while they did do a whole lot of crimes and brandish a lot of guns, they didn't actually engage in violence (with the exception of tarp guy, who quickly found that trying to pull a gun on an FBI swat team does not work out the way he wrote it in his lovely novel).

There's still a long way to go from that to blowing up government buildings or starting skirmishes with the cops/National Guard/army.

# ? Oct 8, 2019 18:38

Vengarr: Jun 17, 2010; Smashed before noon

A Bad Poster posted:

I'm still of the opinion that Obama would have been justified in dropping a hell fire on them in Oregon.

His restraint was rewarded with Operation: Dildo Drop.

Seeing the look of pure :sigh:

on their faces as yet another care package was revealed to be full to the brim with plastic penises made it almost worthwhile.

# ? Oct 8, 2019 18:50

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Vengarr posted:

His restraint was rewarded with Operation: Dildo Drop.

Seeing the look of pure on their faces as yet another care package was revealed to be full to the brim with plastic penises made it almost worthwhile.

I AM RITZHEIMER! SERGEANT OF MARINES! I PUMPED GAS IN IRAQ! I DID NOT ASK FOR THESE DILDOS! THIS MAKES ME MAD!

His daddy swore an oath video got some good mocking on the TPM comment section. My favorite one was "Daddy has to go live in a big bird cage in the desert now with his new family, the Aryan Brotherhood."

# ? Oct 8, 2019 19:34

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

The government wouldn't even need to go in guns blazing on the boogaloo crowd. All they'd have to do is cut power and water and wait them out. After a week of no cell phone chargers and making GBS threads in buckets they'd give up the fight without a shot being fired. All the rah rah Civil War II folks I've seen are just milsim LARPers with a massive need for attention.

# ? Oct 8, 2019 19:38

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Also blare this at them for a couple of days on repeat.

# ? Oct 8, 2019 19:40

Lead out in cuffs: Sep 18, 2012; "That's right. We've evolved."

"I can see that. Cool mutations."

Vengarr posted:

His restraint was rewarded with Operation: Dildo Drop.

Seeing the look of pure on their faces as yet another care package was revealed to be full to the brim with plastic penises made it almost worthwhile.

It was honestly the best, and resulted in the phrase "barrel of flaming dildos" being published by a (semi?) reputable news outlet.

quote:

At the end of the road was a mess hall outfitted with an upside-down American flag. Nearly a dozen militants were out back chatting, gathered around a small wood fire. A few feet away others dug through a box of mail, throwing items, mainly sex toys, into an oil drum fire. One held up a large white cardboard cutout of a cock and balls, saying of the flag and eagle drawing on it, �At least it�s patriotic,� before feeding it to the flames. Another militiaman walked by with a black butt plug adorned with googly eyes, saying, �I didn�t even know what this was before someone told me,� as he sacrificed it. We were handed a fake plastic turd as a memento.

The mood started to curdle. �Mama Bear,� one of at least a half-dozen women present, repeatedly warned she didn�t want any reporting �to put us in danger.� She specifically asked us not to mention the barrel of flaming dildos. It is unclear how knowledge of that would put them at risk for anything more than internet ridicule.

# ? Oct 8, 2019 21:13

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Killing two people for 3k in order to fight for a guy that isn�t even popular when his opponent is Maduro ffs

# ? Oct 9, 2019 09:11

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Wild T posted:

The government wouldn't even need to go in guns blazing on the boogaloo crowd. All they'd have to do is cut power and water and wait them out. After a week of no cell phone chargers and making GBS threads in buckets they'd give up the fight without a shot being fired. All the rah rah Civil War II folks I've seen are just milsim LARPers with a massive need for attention.

Eh, plenty of the vet meme pages I follow on Facebook (because I make terrible decisions, you see) are filled to the gill with these boogalooing types. A lot of them never got within 1,000 miles of firing a shot in anger or actually seeing what an insurgency is, sure, but plenty of vets who�ve at least spent a week or two in austere conditions in that crowd.

Granted, most vets are by and large pussies and nowhere close to the meat eating body slayers that they pump themselves up to be, and the first moment they realize that no, the government isn�t going to get fooled by their fertilizer bomb roomba, they�ll fall the gently caress apart like any other soft-bellied American.

# ? Oct 10, 2019 05:58

PookBear: Nov 1, 2008

Wild T posted:

The government wouldn't even need to go in guns blazing on the boogaloo crowd. All they'd have to do is cut power and water and wait them out. After a week of no cell phone chargers and making GBS threads in buckets they'd give up the fight without a shot being fired. All the rah rah Civil War II folks I've seen are just milsim LARPers with a massive need for attention.

there are some serious dudes in the movement, they're just not idiots. There are ex SF neonazi dudes from the 80s that cached MGs claymores c4 etc.

# ? Oct 11, 2019 03:37

MA-Horus: Dec 3, 2006; I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

Just listen to Robert Evans's podcast if you want to know more about the white supremacist movement, dude is awesome.

# ? Oct 11, 2019 13:23

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

There are some serious domestic terrorist types out there, but by and large a vast majority of these folks would eat each other alive in a hurry the second anything gets hairy and ruin any real threat. Possibly bringing the serious ones down with them in the infighting.

# ? Oct 11, 2019 13:44

MRC48B: Apr 2, 2012

Thats what happened to George Rockwell, but the problem is the collateral damage they do on the way down.

# ? Oct 11, 2019 15:15

canyoneer: Sep 13, 2005; I only have canyoneyes for you

https://www.newsweek.com/us-troops-syria-turkey-1464727

Whoopsie-doodle

# ? Oct 11, 2019 20:57

MrUnderbridge: Jun 25, 2011

Soooo..... we decisively beat them, but we'd have to send in thousands of troops to re-beat them?

Guess the first beating didn't take.

# ? Oct 11, 2019 21:26

shovelbum: Oct 21, 2010; Fun Shoe

Does anyone in the US military including special forces actually know how to operate without historically unprecedented levels of reinforcement and materiel right around the corner

# ? Oct 11, 2019 22:27

A Bad Poster: Sep 25, 2006; Seriously, shut the fuck up.

shovelbum posted:

Does anyone in the US military including special forces actually know how to operate without historically unprecedented levels of reinforcement and materiel right around the corner

Bowe Bergdahl probably does.

# ? Oct 11, 2019 22:30