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quote:Update: still guarded and still hopeful. ED, her man and their 2 year old have visited each weekend since I posted. We told them from the git go that it’s unfortunate, but we will be on a trip with 2 other couples when the new baby comes. The trip has been planned since April and we’re all excited for a week of golf and adventure. When visiting yesterday her man asks us if we can postpone the trip so that we could watch their son whilst ED is in the hospital recovering from Csection. ED starts to get emotional after we tell them that there are reservation and other people counting on us. I hug ED after she starts crying and tell her she is more important than these other people we’re traveling with, but we just didn’t think we could back out. I told her that her dad and I would discuss it and let her know today. Though I was tempted to cancel, DH and I are united in knowing they could have shown up at our door more than 3 weeks ago, like on the little guys birthday or either of our birthdays or Christmas. I’m not talking just this year, how about last year? Well, as hard as it was, I let them know today that we were sorry, but our trip cannot be cancelled. BTW, they have a family member of his that has offered to watch him, they just wanted him to be with us and not with 5 other kids. Time will tell if they hold this against us and we’re once again just a pile of dog poo that’s stepped over and kicked to the curb. same poster posted:I hope this post does not drag on too much, but the history with my daughter is a little complex and rather personal. My whole extended family has supported me thru this ordeal, but I haven’t had it in me to tell the whole story. I do hope my ED and I can have the conversation, just her and I. She got pregnant just before her 15th birthday. For myself, a young woman growing up in the 1960’s and 70’s, abortion was a legal and quite frankly, permanent solution to a big problem. We suggested abortion to her. We didn’t think she was ready to be a mother. As my DH says, she couldn’t even keep her room clean. Ultimately it was her decision to abort, but in her letter to us, she felt like she didn’t have a choice. My beliefs have changed since then and I’d like her to know I am sorry for suggesting that choice. She struggled with anxiety and depression, even before that. On and off counseling, and diagnosis of Social Anxiety Disorder. Fast forward to almost 3 years ago. She was living under our roof, struggling with maintaining employment and then met the father of her children. We had finally encouraged her to see a psychiatrist. Anyways, our HOA does not allow non family members to live here. Strict over 55 community. We talked to both of them about him staying and why he couldn’t. They got mad. She became pregnant and didn’t or couldn’t tell us. They was a bit of a blowup one day when I just wanted to have a talk with her and he stood between us. I felt disrespected in my own home and told him to get the F out of my house. They both left and to maintain some sort of sanity told ED she had two weeks to find a place to live. Found out later of course, that she was pregnant. I’m guilty of a lot of things, but do not want to dwell on crap from the past. I think she felt I was too controlling before. Maybe I was. I just wanted her to grow up and be an adult. If this relationship is going anywhere we all need to find a way to trust. I just don’t know if she will be able to talk to me at some point and tell me face to face what she needs from me. It seems that I’ve dance around the right thing to say or do without it being taken the wrong way. I appreciate the chance to think outloud here and I super appreciate the support. Oh. lol if you posted:man i wish this thread was full of funny stories
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Oct 25, 2019 13:45
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My grandfather died when the Christmas tree fell on him. He also used bleach in the pool instead of chlorine which is probably why my eyesight is so terrible.
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Oct 25, 2019 14:26
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lol if you posted:man i wish this thread was full of funny stories When my dad dies I'll only visit his grave to piss on it, but really that's more effort than he deserves.
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Oct 25, 2019 14:32
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Pope Corky the IX posted:My grandfather died when the Christmas tree fell on him. I'm pretty sure this is valid entry to Valhalla. Or possibly being reborn as an elf and forced to make toys for all eternity.
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Oct 25, 2019 14:35
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vortmax posted:When my dad dies I'll only visit his grave to piss on it, but really that's more effort than he deserves. Do cemeteries have people arrested for this kind of thing or is it just accepted as a part of the gig Asking for a friend
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Oct 25, 2019 14:36
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purple death ray posted:Do cemeteries have people arrested for this kind of thing or is it just accepted as a part of the gig I mean most cemeteries are lucky to have a regular grounds crew and what are the dead gonna do, rise up and chase you to a nearby farmhouse?
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Oct 25, 2019 15:13
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It might help to have a story to tell any nearby goths.
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Oct 25, 2019 15:37
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tbh if you were walking along and saw someone pissing on a grave would you assume they didn't have a good reason???
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Oct 25, 2019 16:08
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I'm anticipating the day my father finally kicks it because just seeing people who look like him gives me panic attacks. I did see him once since I cut him off in 1998 and I completely lost it. He beat the poo poo out of all of us when I was growing up and went to jail for it once. Knowing I don't have to worry about running into him anymore will be such a huge relief. I'm amazed he even is still alive considering how much crack and heroin he did. But I guess he fathered a son so that gave him new life. He never layed a finger on that kid. Just his daughters.
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Oct 25, 2019 16:17
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:tbh if you were walking along and saw someone pissing on a grave would you assume they didn't have a good reason??? I can read well enough to know if the grave says "Margret Thatcher" on it.
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Oct 25, 2019 16:38
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Picnic Princess posted:I'm anticipating the day my father finally kicks it because just seeing people who look like him gives me panic attacks. I did see him once since I cut him off in 1998 and I completely lost it. He beat the poo poo out of all of us when I was growing up and went to jail for it once. Knowing I don't have to worry about running into him anymore will be such a huge relief. I'm amazed he even is still alive considering how much crack and heroin he did. But I guess he fathered a son so that gave him new life. He never layed a finger on that kid. Just his daughters. I hope his death brings you the peace you rightfully deserve.
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Oct 25, 2019 16:43
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I feel weird about reading this thread while having kind, decent parents
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Oct 25, 2019 16:48
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trickybiscuits posted:I'm not sure who's the rear end in a top hat here but Quite a stretch to say you're estranged from someone you see every weekend.
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Oct 25, 2019 16:49
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ikanreed posted:I feel weird about reading this thread while having kind, decent parents I feel weird reading this thread merely having a somewhat strained and awkward but ultimately cordial relationship with my parents.
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Oct 25, 2019 16:49
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Mr. Lobe posted:I feel weird reading this thread merely having a somewhat strained and awkward but ultimately cordial relationship with my parents. I'm not sure if that's worse than a parent I consider myself estranged from but I don't think she's noticed.
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Oct 25, 2019 16:51
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ikanreed posted:I feel weird about reading this thread while having kind, decent parents My mom was awesome and (while not perfect) she managed to make me into a generally happy, empathetic, and productive adult. I still miss her all the time. My dad hosed off when I was 9 years old and I never saw him again. He never paid child support either. I'm extremely disappointed that he's still alive when mom died 15 years ago. I don't hate him anymore, because he's not worth the effort of hating. But I will throw a party on the day he dies.
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Oct 25, 2019 17:07
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Ebola Roulette posted:Here's someone who's such an expert at gaslighting they attack their daughter and make themselves the victim. A 57-year old that doesn't have a pair of gym shoes?  Pretty easy to dispose of a pair of shoes. The victim identifying the attacker. Police easily can go on the side of a weeping old "mummy." (Who uses "mummy/mommy" when referring to their relationship with their kids?) Seems pretty fishy.
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Oct 25, 2019 17:07
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For me it's not my parents but my brother.
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Oct 25, 2019 17:19
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I have a theory about why all these estranged parents act like children: lead poisoning from leaded paint and gasoline
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Oct 25, 2019 17:29
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vortmax posted:My mom was awesome and (while not perfect) she managed to make me into a generally happy, empathetic, and productive adult. I still miss her all the time. If you really hate him, sue him for back child support. Thats what my bro-in-law did to his dead beat dad.
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Oct 25, 2019 17:50
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:tbh if you were walking along and saw someone pissing on a grave would you assume they didn't have a good reason??? I would at least assume that the urinator knew the particulars of the situation better than a random passer-by. And this try to withhold judgement.
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Oct 25, 2019 20:34
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Barudak posted:I mean most cemeteries are lucky to have a regular grounds crew and what are the dead gonna do, rise up and chase you to a nearby farmhouse? *braces body against the door, pissed off undead pounding on the rapidly splintering wood* "gently caress! These are all our lovely, estranged, dead family members! What, did you all finally piss on their graves or something?!" *every survivor looks at one another, sheepish. Finally all admit, one by one, that yes, they did* "Haha, nice. Me too." To contribute to the thread, I actually spoke to my dad on the phone recently, and as usual regretted it. He was telling me about a trip he made, and how it was great, on the flight back he didn't have to worry about not having enough space because a 'skinny little lesbian' was sitting next to him. I made the mistake of asking 'how did you know?' 'Pfffffft, it was obvious. She had combat boots, thumb rings, a lot of piercings and tattoos and a butch haircut.' 'Hey dad, guess what? I wear combat boots, thumb rings, have a lot of tattoos and piercings and have a bitch haircut.' 'Well I never though you were gay!' Yes he did. The way he just casually drops lines like 'it's obvious XYZ' about someone still gets under my skin. LadyPictureShow fucked around with this message at 21:45 on Oct 25, 2019 |
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Oct 25, 2019 21:35
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In some community service training my wife did, she was taught to be careful about what she says to the relatives of people who've just died, and to be mindful that they might not consider it a "loss" - some people really just want to come to the hospital/hospice/wherever to make sure that the person who abused them is really dead and they're finally safe. I'm lucky enough to not be in that situation, sorry to all of you who are 
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Oct 26, 2019 11:42
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Buttcoin purse posted:In some community service training my wife did, she was taught to be careful about what she says to the relatives of people who've just died, and to be mindful that they might not consider it a "loss" - some people really just want to come to the hospital/hospice/wherever to make sure that the person who abused them is really dead and they're finally safe. I'm lucky enough to not be in that situation, sorry to all of you who are It always makes me happy when institutions acknowledge this kind of stuff though, the idea that family is so important and a positive thing is so pervasive in society it's easy to feel even worse when you don't have a decent one. I've had to tell a lot of managers, landlords and etc not to give our contact info to anyone claiming to be family and they don't always take it seriously because "it's your parents! They should at least know where you live!"
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Oct 26, 2019 11:47
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^^Maybe you could tell them that your bio family are a bunch of druggie who will vandalize the place with their druggie friends? quote:I sat myself up for yet another let down. I received a picture of the newborn GC in a text message. I tried to call the only cell phone number I have to just see how my ED and GC are doing, since I could tell from the picture that it was definitely a Csection. Well, no answer. So I call the hospital and they connect me directly to the room. The baby daddy answers and I ask how they are doing and he hangs up. Ugh. I called and left a message with the nurse to please let my daughter know DH and I were thinking about them. They give me a nibble and I bite. I’m so stupid. They're TAKING CARE OF A BABY and one of them has JUST BEEN CUT OPEN TO TAKE SAID BABY OUT, maybe they have higher priorities than TALKING ON THE PHONE Jesus Christ my brain hurts.
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Oct 28, 2019 20:08
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trickybiscuits posted:^^Maybe you could tell them that your bio family are a bunch of druggie who will vandalize the place with their druggie friends? this sounds like a good way to wind up without a job/house/whatever in a real fuckin hurry
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Oct 28, 2019 20:14
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trickybiscuits posted:They give me a nibble and I bite. No, lady, they don't--they didn't send you that picture, they didn't call you, you are the last thing they want anywhere near them. If you're gonna get mad at anyone, get mad at whoever butt in and sent you the text in the first place.
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Oct 28, 2019 21:23
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I feel like this is the pinnacle of how these people think: My mom posted this gem, a nice little passive aggressive "hey I hope you see this thing I posted but if you mention it I'll say it wasn't about you." (her only child) The bit about being a constant source of stress and drama is just so on the nose (for the opposite reason she posted it) I almost couldn't believe it. Like yeah, the person who is choosing to involve you in their life less because all you do is cause previously mentioned stress is the person who's dysfunctional and "manipulative". Who the gently caress said you owed anyone anything either? Like it's just such a perfect mess. This post of course is gently tucked in between an endless sprawl of blatant right wing propaganda and the other occasional passive aggressive post about someone.
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Oct 30, 2019 21:58
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I also love how the natural assumption is that our parents "already did the job" of raising us. Yeah, my biological parents don't owe me anything. Likewise, I don't owe them anything either. I'm a functional adult in spite of my upbringing, not because of it. And that was a lot of work I put into myself over many years to accomplish. Deprogramming the bullshit your parents put into you over your formative years is not something you do overnight.
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Oct 30, 2019 22:15
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The only thing I want from my parents is for them to leave me alone. So far so good.
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Oct 31, 2019 02:43
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Grimdude posted:I feel like this is the pinnacle of how these people think: Get off Facebook or block your mother.
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Oct 31, 2019 03:00
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:Get off Facebook or block your mother.
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Oct 31, 2019 19:03
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Getting off Facebook is the best advice for everyone.
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Oct 31, 2019 19:05
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It really is. Facebook is effectively the sunglasses from They Live. It's good to know who the terrible people are in your life. It's unhealthy to get constant reminders and updates on your phone.
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Oct 31, 2019 20:00
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Clitch posted:It really is. Facebook is effectively the sunglasses from They Live. It's good to know who the terrible people are in your life. It's unhealthy to get constant reminders and updates on your phone. Ew, on the phone? Uninstall that app, for sure. If you want to keep up with people on facebook just check in once a day on your laptop or whatever. Nobody needs their facebook aunts dinging their phone all day.
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Oct 31, 2019 20:18
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Scipiotik posted:Getting off Facebook is the best advice for everyone.  I stopped using it uh, almost 5 years ago, I do not regret it.
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Oct 31, 2019 20:23
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Reading posts and then looking up the poster's history is always interesting. quote:Dear Son, History. The last few posts are the earliest. quote:I really do wish there was a healing place to go. I think it would be a fun break the ice session to mock our EC’s by having a “contest” of who’s EC sent the most ridiculous email or text and who’s EC is the best revisionist historian. The prize could be a pretty painted wooden spoon with the words “attitude adjuster” painted on it. Ugh. quote:I know this sounds harsh but I don’t mean it to be. My son gave me a grocery list of why I couldn’t be in his life anymore. They were all stuff from a long time ago. I did apologize for any wrongs I did even though in my opinion circumstances had more to do with the wrongs than by personal choice. The thing is, I have done nothing wrong since my children became adults. I refuse to apologize for the person I am now. If I did, it would be an attempt at manipulation just to get him and my grandkids back in my life and would not be sincere. quote:Every day I want to write my ES an email back with a rebuttal of what he said. I want to send him an explanation of how he has distorted reality and give him a better view from my side. The reason I don’t is a line he wrote in the email, quote:My ES blames me for making him dependent on me and trying to be the rescuer and manipulating him. (The whole time I felt like the victim and the one manipulated.) Now that he is on his feet with his career he throws it into my face and tells me I did NOTHING to help him get to where he is. He decided to throw me away blaming it on his upbringing and me manipulating him as an adult. quote:Here is the thing with kids. If you work your butt off to support them all they remember is that you didn’t do homework with them. If you don’t work your butt off then you didn’t do enough to support them. Mental health issues? I was so depressed after divorcing my abusive husband I wanted to die. I got help, I got drugged up by the doctor and barely made it through my days until they were teens and a self-help book helped me drag myself out of the hole I had been living in. Kids DO NOT CARE. When a child grows up and decides you weren’t good enough, the more you try to explain, the more they say you should have done the opposite for them. quote:What if the estrangement IS our fault. What if the reason our children push us away is that they can’t get past their upbringing and it is affecting their lives now? I didn’t abuse my child but was either so busy working, going to school, exhausted and depressed that I guess (don’t remember everything the way he does) that I wasn’t there for him. When the depression got so bad that I was suicidal and had to be in the hospital for weeks I sent him to the same person that was abusive to me. Granted we had joint custody but that’s no excuse. quote:First and formost I know I was not a good mom. I left an abusive husband, worked 2 jobs and was going to school while raising my kids. To add to the scenerio I suffered from deep depression. Sometimes I could not take care of my kids because of the depression so they had to go live with their dad (yes the one that abused me). And a different poster, estranged from one son who may or may not be the one who calls her and sends her pictures. Slightly edited for clarity. quote:I really feel like a bad mom and person and am trying not to do this but I am isolating myself more and I feel I should close the relationship with my other children as I feel I only create harm to them. I love them so but I’m not very well supported by them.
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Nov 1, 2019 02:31
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An AITA crossover special: https://twitter.com/aita_reddit/status/1190246451856596993?s=21 The response from Reddit is...nearly universally supporting the daughter. Good to know they get it right every once and a while.
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Nov 1, 2019 14:50
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So at a MINIMUM, the mom was entirely not supportive of the daughter going away for a degree that she felt was worthless. Like a lot of these, I wonder what else we don't know.
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Nov 1, 2019 20:49
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Blue Moonlight posted:An AITA crossover special: I, I, I, me. I, I, I, me. I, I, I? Me. Me, me, me. I!
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Nov 1, 2019 21:17
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