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 Hi everyone. Welcome to the GDT for UFC 246: CCOOWNBOORY, 10 p.m. ET Saturday, Jan. 18 only on PPV. It’s been a good long while since I’ve sat down to write a GDT. It’s also been awhile since I’ve caught a UFC event live. I don’t get to watch near as much as I used to these days. A big part of it is I straight up can’t see 80% of the events because it’s on a service I can’t justify paying another $10 a month for, and also the last several PPVs have happened on a day where I’ve been busy. But I’ve got a clear schedule this weekend, and even though this card is kind of bad, I am going to watch it. And you, dear reader, are probably also going to watch it, because you’re an idiot. Here’s why. Welterweight? Lightweight? Who cares. They don’t.  Conor “the Notorious” McGregor Vs.  Cowboy “Donald” Cerrone Now that FYAD is illegal, and most of our FYAD regular cross-posters are either banned, have left the forums or are on my Ignore List, I finally feel it is safe to declare Rowdy Ringsports a limp-wristed bleeding heart liberal hugbox. As a result, neither of these fighters should be liked or admired, but McGregor is a far more personally evil actor in his personal life, whereas Cowboy is merely a garden variety rich rural bigot. McGregor’s meteoric rise in the UFC ranks got him named the SomethingAwful Fighter of the Decade, despite not having joined the UFC until 2013 and only fighting four times in the last five years of the 2010s. He had big flashy dominant fights against tiny little men, and then he went to his appropriate weight class and went 2-2. But at that point he had talked his way into getting his rear end beat by Floyd Mayweather for $600 bazillion USD, and then in the months following that spent it all on cocaine and rapes. So now he is back, and while Khabib has literally tossed him out of the UFC title picture, he hopes a welterweight win over Cowboy Cerrone will get him a date with Kamaru Usman, and since money runs everything and Usman needs a new obnoxious racist jaw to break, that will probably be what ends up happening. Donald Cerrone drinks too much. He says the illegal f word. He endangers his baby by doing bicycle back flips over active geysers with a baby bjorn. But despite this, we all love him because he fights every 23 days and is always fun to watch. Since I started typing up this paragraph, he has had seven tune-up fights. He’s on a two-fight KO losing streak against really good fighters but he’s also recently beaten Platinum Mike Perry (currently suspended while his license to say the N word is in administrative review) and his 2016 KO of Rick Story is an all-time great combo finisher. (He fought Story 4 years and 11 fights ago, btw.) He’s got a big long body he doesn’t protect full of alcoholic and surgically shortened guts so McGregor’s tendency to lead with body shots and leg kicks should present a pretty bad stylistic problem for him, but McGregor is probably bad now and Cerrone should have a sizable advantage on the ground, if he cares to take it there. Women’s Bantamweight  Holly Holm Vs.  Rocky Pennington This is a rematch. I am begging you, do not watch the first fight. Also, honestly, I beg you not to watch this one either. Kickboxing champ Holly Holm was the first woman to knock out Ronda Rousey and she gave Cyborg the second hardest fight of her career, and yet despite this she is fun to watch at most like one in every six fights. Their first fight was one of the other five. Rocky Pennington has had a rough go of it lately. Her split decision win over Irene Aldana was her first W since her fiance and fellow follower Tecia Torres watched her get beaten to death by Amanda Nunes for 23 minutes like some kind of sex freak German snuff film afficionado. However, she has improved a decent bit since she fought Holm the first time. With that said, Holm hasn’t really fallen off, and in a world where she still had an A+ coaching staff and gameplanner she’d probably still be the heavy favorite over Rocky here. But we live in the timeline Greg Jackson abandoned, so who knows what’ll happen here. “Intrigue” or “mystery” are not the right words to use here, lest I accidentally get someone excited for this fight, but who knows what’ll happen here. Heavyweight  Aleksei Oleinik Vs  Maurice “the Crochet Boss” Greene Aleksei Oleinik is one of those fighters who I think is a bit more popular on here really warrants. He’s a Russian dude who has been fighting for forever and has like seven billion fights, and is also a submission expert at heavyweight, so really I think he scratches a really deep nostalgia itch for those of us old enough to remember waking up at 3 am to watch some lovely Eurozone fight league on youtube. To be fair, he has done absolutely wonderful things in the UFC (KO Jared Rosholt, neck crank Travis Browne,) but in my eyes he has also done heinous and illegal crimes (submit Mark Hunt, remind me that Jeff Monson exists when I looked at his record on Wikipedia.) I would look for him to do some grapples, or get really tired and elderly and get his brain damaged. Maurice Greene probably exists. He was a semifinalist on a season of TUF that I am told definitely happened, even though it would have had to have happened in the year of our lord two thousand and eighteen, which can’t possibly be right. I have it on good authority that he is 3-1 in the UFC on cards that definitely occurred (I did not see them but they for sure took place) and all his fights are against fighters who also for sure very much are real, alive people currently or previously employed by the UFC. In fact, he has a website that is just a static picture of this alleged man with little stars that appear and float around for a bit, and nothing else. (https://mauricegreene.com/) What is interesting to me, though, is apparently this man is an avid crocheter. I am told you can even buy his crocheted items, although I cannot find a store for thi - ok jesus christ seriously which one of you fuckers edited wikipedia when you found out I was writing a GDT for this thread? None of this is possibly real. gently caress you, who is Oleinik fighting? He fighting JDS? JDS would make sense. Fighting a makebelieve nonsense man does not. Women’s Strawweight  Good luck to future flyweight contender Alexa Grasso. Most women would get cut for losing as much as she has and choosing to keep that rear end lookin like a quinceanera cake rather than make weight, but she is from a marketable country the UFC is very desperate to tap so she's gonna get the Escudero Especial. Bantamweight  Brian Kelleher vs.  Ode Osbourne Brian Kelleher has been in the UFC for a while now and holds the record for "most embarrassing loss on Renan Barao's career." He is pretty unremarkable otherwise. Ode Osbourne's new song with Elton John and Slash is surprisingly listenable. Congrats to these two legends for being present to fill the vacuum Alexa Grasso created when she ate that many churros that quickly. Lightweight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrFzkYWJHsk Anthony "Showtime" Pettis vs  Carlos Diego Ferreira Anthony Pettis is back, baby. Three division contender and has done well in one of them. Came back big after heroically cutting his pee pee on the piss collector's cup. Ran on a wall in the tightest poo poo ever and then had dispassionate, "definitely breaking up within the month and both these guys know it" sex with Clay Guida. Well this time he is back, his wiener is in one piece and he is ready to start his first winning streak since 2014 baby. Let us join hands and remember the good times when David Bowie and Prince were still alive, the WEC was still going strong and a fascist Oompa Loompa with a third grade reading level wasn't assassinating foreign leaders with impunity while he was on trial for crimes of office. Ferreira has lost badly to all the higher end fighters he has faced but is on a pretty good can-crushing streak right now, and he will always be a hero to Brazil and Goonkind for banishing Colton Smith. Other poo poo to watch Preliminary card (ESPN) 8 pm ET Women's Flyweight Roxanne Modafferi vs. Maycee Barber Featherweight Andre Fili vs. Sodiq Yusuff Flyweight Tim Elliott vs. Askar Askarov Lightweight Drew Dober vs. Nasrat Haqparast Early Preliminary card (UFC Fight Pass) 7 p.m. ET Light Heavyweight Aleksa Camur vs. Justin Ledet Women's Flyweight Sabina Mazo vs. JJ Aldrich Also please make picks in Goonweight! Its back from 2014 too!!!! https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3911163&pagenumber=1&perpage=40
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Jan 18, 2020 17:50
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Jan 18, 2020 17:59
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Great fight night card
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Jan 18, 2020 17:59
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It is all set up so Conor will win but drat if I don’t want some ridiculous Cerrone KO in the first or something because people will lose their minds and Conor will be done
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Jan 18, 2020 18:19
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No write up for Roxy's fight, truly the greatest shame on goons everywhere
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Jan 18, 2020 19:04
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Didnt Jessica "it's your job to make weight" Eye miss weight by like 8 pounds at ufc245? How come that fight still happened?
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Jan 18, 2020 19:14
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Macksy posted:Didnt Jessica "it's your job to make weight" Eye miss weight by like 8 pounds at ufc245? How come that fight still happened? 5 lbs over 126 rather than 5.5 lbs over 116 I guess.
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Jan 18, 2020 19:25
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holy poo poo, are they leading into a lackluster ppv card with a Roxy fight? this has to be some sort of ufc social experiment to see how many ppvs they can sell with a Conor main event, nothing else of consequence on the main card, and goddamn Roxy as the lead in. that rules
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Jan 18, 2020 20:07
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Andre Fili vs. Sodiq Yusuff should be good and Showtime vs Ferreira will be good too. Otherwise this card doesn't impress me much at all. And lol at charging $85 for this.Eat This Glob posted:holy poo poo, are they leading into a lackluster ppv card with a Roxy fight? this has to be some sort of ufc social experiment to see how many ppvs they can sell with a Conor main event, nothing else of consequence on the main card, and goddamn Roxy as the lead in. that rules I mean, the only thing I can think of is that they think Conor is still a massive superstar so they didn't bother buidling out the rest of the fight card. And I'm not sure if he is a superstar anymore after the Khabib fight. By superstar I mean, a fighter who can sell a card on his own.
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Jan 18, 2020 20:15
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Thanks for the hilarious write up that will possibly be more entertaining than the actual event
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Jan 18, 2020 20:25
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Eat This Glob posted:holy poo poo, are they leading into a lackluster ppv card with a Roxy fight? this has to be some sort of ufc social experiment to see how many ppvs they can sell with a Conor main event, nothing else of consequence on the main card, and goddamn Roxy as the lead in. that rules she's gonna get killed so that's why
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Jan 18, 2020 20:30
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I think they're trying to build up awareness of Barber quickly. She's undefeated and has gotten TKOs in all 4 of her UFC/DWTNC fights. They'll probably try to feed her to Valentina after this and she'll get killed. EDIT - ^^^^ Yup.
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Jan 18, 2020 20:32
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Yeah for the record this thread is much better than this card.
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Jan 18, 2020 20:33
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its my birthday and i'm gonna watch some loving fights i guess
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Jan 18, 2020 21:11
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Today they are fookin fights
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Jan 18, 2020 21:12
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Don't forget to do your picks for Goonweight Grand Prix if you weren't aware that was revived https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3911163 Going to lock the submission form in about 3ish hours from this post. Mekchu fucked around with this message at 22:10 on Jan 18, 2020 |
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Jan 18, 2020 22:08
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spb posted:Andre Fili vs. Sodiq Yusuff should be good and Showtime vs Ferreira will be good too. Otherwise this card doesn't impress me much at all. And lol at charging $85 for this. Is it seriously $85? I can get it on fightpass for $55 Australian, which is like $37 American.
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Jan 18, 2020 22:19
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Memento posted:Is it seriously $85? I can get it on fightpass for $55 Australian, which is like $37 American. No it's $65 like usual. PPVs were $60 for a little while to account for ESPN+ being $5 which is required to purchase the PPV, but now they're back up to the original price, so $70 total if you wanna think of it together. I have no idea where $85 is from, Canada maybe? EDIT: Oh there's a bundle for the PPV+a year of ESPN+ for $85, just like there has been for most if not all of these PPVs since the ESPN thing started.
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Jan 18, 2020 22:21
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cowboy is going to knock conor out
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Jan 18, 2020 22:47
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The Anthony Pettis write-up is a thing of beauty.
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Jan 18, 2020 22:54
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Joey McChrist posted:its my birthday and i'm gonna watch some loving fights i guess Happy birthday I hope Cowboy will gift you with knocking Conor out
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Jan 18, 2020 22:54
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Mr. Carlisle posted:Happy birthday That feint right-hook to headkick, I hope to see it!
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Jan 18, 2020 22:58
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As a filthy casual myself, is the Jack Slack analysis of Cowboy good?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqxudDV1NU4
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Jan 18, 2020 23:11
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Excited for these fights. Team cowboy forever. I hope Cowboy wrecks him and beats up Dillon Dannis that ruled
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Jan 18, 2020 23:22
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Sort-of ambivalent about whether Conor wins/loses, but I will watch.
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Jan 18, 2020 23:58
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Goonweight GP submissions now closed. Have fun being disappointed in your picks everyone.
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Jan 19, 2020 00:29
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Mekchu posted:Goonweight GP submissions now closed. Have fun being disappointed in your picks everyone. Nearly all of my picks were completely random because I don’t know most of the fighters so I’m ready to be pleasantly surprised (hopefully)
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Jan 19, 2020 00:41
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there is no way cerrone beats mcgreggor shame because i hate the loving prick hopefully khabib murders him again
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Jan 19, 2020 00:41
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Brut posted:No it's $65 like usual. PPVs were $60 for a little while to account for ESPN+ being $5 which is required to purchase the PPV, but now they're back up to the original price, so $70 total if you wanna think of it together. I have no idea where $85 is from, Canada maybe? Oh that's what I saw.
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Jan 19, 2020 00:43
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BlueDeanie remains p4p best GDT poster
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Jan 19, 2020 01:00
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Neon Belly posted:As a filthy casual myself, is the Jack Slack analysis of Cowboy good?: Yes
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Jan 19, 2020 01:04
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He expended too much energy and got tired
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Ugh why do they put holly holm in co mains. Aish aish aish aish
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Jan 19, 2020 01:21
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this fight's been p good
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Jan 19, 2020 01:25
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LobsterMobster posted:this fight's been p good Joe was right about that restart. She was kneeing the hell out of her.
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Jan 19, 2020 01:29
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ADELAIDE MOTHERFUCKING BYRD AGAIN ARE YOU SERIOUS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Jan 19, 2020 01:29
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Oh Jesus Christ Adelaide Byrd is there.
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Jan 19, 2020 01:30
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Lol literally said, “oh gently caress Adelaide is there” out loud before I read the posts
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Jan 19, 2020 01:31
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Brut posted:ADELAIDE MOTHERFUCKING BYRD AGAIN ARE YOU SERIOUS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA lol
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Jan 19, 2020 01:32
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Love that promo about the crazy nerves, Cowboy owns
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Jan 19, 2020 01:35
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Brut posted:ADELAIDE MOTHERFUCKING BYRD AGAIN ARE YOU SERIOUS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Burn this earth
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Jan 19, 2020 01:35
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