r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

ad090 posted:

My (20f) boyfriend (20m) hates that I go on "dates" my dad (45m) sets me up on

Dad's kind of sleazy but honestly the job doesn't sound so bad. Kinda like working at a Hooters or something. Paying off school loans is probably a ton of money, right?

# ? Feb 3, 2020 05:30

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# ? May 5, 2024 02:18

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Exposing her to a ton of entitled rich brats is only a matter of time before something goes bad.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 05:33

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

Update about my dad's exotic meats obsession

quote:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ehvj9t/my_19f_dad_40s_m_has_an_obsession_with_buying/

Well poo poo's really hosed now. A couple days after I posted I went back to school, and a few days after that my mom called me. She'd woken up to him gone and an email saying he "had to leave for China earlier than expected", citing some issue at his company.

That's around when the virus was breaking out. yeah. He took off as soon as he got word something was happening incase it was going to prevent his trip my mom thinks. But it gets worse because apparently with increased security there somethng looked suspicious and he was detained last week. In China during this outbreak. My mom had federal agents coming to interview her, that was Friday.

They had a warrant to search the apartment, didn't take anything because he'd brought all his electronics with him. She says she was told they have reason to believe he's involved in an international animal trafficking and poaching ring.

She hasn't had any contact with him yet because whoever's holding him isn't granting it. We don't even know exactly where he is, if it was near Wuhan, or in a prison or what. She was just told she needed to cooperate and his safety was being handled. Obviously there's probably a lot more than they're saying because it's a serious crime and I imagine diplomatic relations are tense at this moment...but honestly, he put himself there. The Chinese authorities have every reason to arrest him. My mom has shared what she knows with the American agents (some of the stuff I said in my last post). I told her to get a lawyer. Because who knows if even knowing about that stuff and not reporting is a crime too.... my dad deserves this but my mom had no part in what he was doing. If something happens to her I don't know what's going to happen with my siblings. I'm really loving scared for my family, and furious with my dad for doing this to us.

Plus trump's travel ban means it's gonna be way more difficult to work everything out so he could be sitting there waiting for trial for a long time. Even if they flew him back for trial he'll be in quarantine for 2 weeks. I feel like I'm watching my family's life collapse in slow motion.

I'm seriously considering taking a leave this semester and going home to try to help my mom. She's practically having a mental break. She decided not to tell my siblings the real reason dad is gone, so their imaginations are running wild. I've reached out to my aunt again but she hasn't seen the message yet. I don't really trust my mom to manage finding a good lawyer and dealing with this and taking care of my siblings at the same time. On top of it her chronic illness has flared up from the stress. She spent all yesterday in bed from pain.

So that's where we are now. hosed. I didn't get a chance to take the advice on my last post about where to report him (was doing more research first) but that turned out to not matter. Thank you to everyone who wished the best for my family. We could really use it.

TL;DR: He's under arrest in China. No idea how long it will take to sort out because of the virus thing. My mom is a wreck but trying to cooperate, I'm doing my best to support her.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 05:42

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

re: Date Girl, that is 100% pimping even if there's no sexual intercourse. Her pay is written off as a literal business expense by her fundraising father, like a bottle of wine would be. Boyfriend's both completely correct and within his rights to be upset about the arrangements.

On a more generalized note, I wonder what it's like for sex workers when they date; if their partner's in the industry it's all fine, but if they're not how do they reconciliate that? I can't imagine finding a person outside of the industry who doesn't have hangups about it would be easy. Or do they just normally exit the job and find new income? I'm honestly curious.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 05:46

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Exposing her to a ton of entitled rich brats is only a matter of time before something goes bad.

They aren't leaving the charity venue, though, right? Unless I missed something. Sounds like she's pretty good at drawing (and holding) boundaries.

Maybe she is being pimped out, but as far as that type of work goes it doesn't sound bad. And she has concrete plans to stop as soon as it won't destroy her education.

ETA: when I worked retail I put on a dumb outfit and was all overly-friendly and smiley with people to get them to spend money. Job's a job. I think her situation feels grosser because it's her dad and that makes it feel more personal than business--which is definitely the illusion he's pushing--but it really is just business. I wonder if her boyfriend would care if she was, like, a bartender who flirted for tips.

artsy fartsy fucked around with this message at 06:14 on Feb 3, 2020

# ? Feb 3, 2020 06:01

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

ad090 posted:

My (20f) boyfriend (20m) hates that I go on "dates" my dad (45m) sets me up on

quote:

My job pays less than a grand per month, despite me working 6pm til 2am 5 or 6 days a week

Checking my math they're suggesting they work around 52 hours a week, a quick google suggests that you could throw a dart at a board of countries that pay in euros and find better overtime laws than the US but we'll go with the conservative over 40 hours at 50% bonus pay. This would indicate she was making post tax around 4 euros an hour. Dunno if that's normal but sounds p bad.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 06:24

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

ArbitraryC posted:

Checking my math they're suggesting they work around 52 hours a week, a quick google suggests that you could throw a dart at a board of countries that pay in euros and find better overtime laws than the US but we'll go with the conservative over 40 hours at 50% bonus pay. This would indicate she was making post tax around 4 euros an hour. Dunno if that's normal but sounds p bad.

She lists prices in pounds so I assume England, where min wage is a bit over 8 pounds an hour. Do they also pay waitresses like crap with "you'll make it up in tips" BS?

# ? Feb 3, 2020 06:53

Kenshin: Jan 10, 2007

artsy fartsy posted:

How long do you think it will take this idiot to destroy everything good in his life?

My [30M] girlfriend [30F] dressed sexier and was more accepting when she was with her ex and it's making me jealous.

Wait a moment:

quote:

I work an extremely busy job 100-120+ hours a week

There are only 168 hours in a week. This seems like maybe a bit of an exaggeration. If you worked 120 hours and literally did nothing else but work and sleep and I guess eat while you work and have no commute time you could pull off just under 7 hours of sleep per night. Leaving no time to shower or do anything else.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 07:07

Guilty: May 3, 2003; Ask me about how people having a bad reaction to MSG makes them racist, because I've never heard of gluten sensitivity

Kenshin posted:

Wait a moment:

There are only 168 hours in a week. This seems like maybe a bit of an exaggeration. If you worked 120 hours and literally did nothing else but work and sleep and I guess eat while you work and have no commute time you could pull off just under 7 hours of sleep per night. Leaving no time to shower or do anything else.

Was just about to post this. I love it when Americans post ridiculous poo poo like "I work three full time jobs and study full time simultaneously you can't understand me!!!".

# ? Feb 3, 2020 07:12

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Kenshin posted:

Wait a moment:

There are only 168 hours in a week. This seems like maybe a bit of an exaggeration. If you worked 120 hours and literally did nothing else but work and sleep and I guess eat while you work and have no commute time you could pull off just under 7 hours of sleep per night. Leaving no time to shower or do anything else.

I was gonna comment on that but the rest of the post which was basically "her ex treated her like poo poo and I wish I could too" just led me too far away from the minutia.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 07:18

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

My [38f] Husband [42m] was extremely rude to a former student [late 20's] and a casual friend of mine. Im mortified about it and not sure the best way to fix things.

Okay, long story.

I teach in the history department of a state university. I have alot of students, most of them are just filling a requirement and we don't really know each other all that well.

But I get a few who I do really take to, and this individual was one of them. I'll call him Charlie. He was a dual major in education and history, and he was one of those students you see every now and then that makes you think "That one could do really well at this!"

He did. He sailed through our program with flying colors and graduated early, and he now teaches social studies at the high school where my own kids will likely go one day.

And we still have a professional relationship. He stops by campus every now and then to come by my office and chat about whatever he is teaching in his classes to share thoughts on it and refine his own lesson plans. I'm very flattered he thinks highly enough of me to do that, and it does make me feel quite confident that he will be teaching my own kids one day. He clearly takes his job very seriously and I'm glad to know him.

So last night...my husband (another professor here at the University) and I were on campus catching up on things and decided to go eat at a big hotel at the end of the main street of our campus. It has decent food and a good bar so we were looking forward to it.

When we pulled into the drive I saw Charlie come running out. Turns out he was working there as a valet. My husband recognized him as well. I was glad to see him and gave the sort of greeting you would expect for professional friends.

My husband just looked at him and asked why he was working here. Charlie told us his wife is in graduate school so he works shifts down here on weekends just to get a little extra cash for them.

I offered a little benign sympathy but my husband blurted out "Well I guess you should have stayed in school huh?" Charlie and I both looked at him because it seemed to come out of nowhere.

My husband seemed unfazed, and carried on "Just saying, when your wife finishes grad school she probably wont have to be a valet on weekends."

Charlie wasn't saying anything but seemed clearly offended. I just handed him the keys to the car so he'd have an excuse to walk away. As we went inside I told my husband "Well that was really rude!" My husband said something "Well he became a school teacher!"

I was really shocked with how he was acting. My husband isnt normally an rear end like that. I asked what his deal was and he said something to the effect that maybe now Charlie will feel motivated to get a higher degree of his own.

The whole conversation was pissing me off as this is a former student and a professional friend I have alot of respect for, and I really did not appreciate my husband talking about him like that.

In the end we didnt see Charlie again but I left a big tip for him at the desk and we went home.

The more I think about it the madder I am. My husband sees nothing wrong with his comments and it is maddening talking to him about it.

Would it be worth sending Charlie an apology e mail or something? I'm horribly embarassed about what happened and I dont want to lose a beneficial professional relationship.

How would you have liked an apology to look if you were in his place?

tl;dr: My husband made some very rude comments to a friend and former student and I am very embarassed by it. What is the best way to fix it?

# ? Feb 3, 2020 09:09

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

Been my friend for over 2 years, I want to move to the next level, but does she?

quote:

I [34m] work with a girl [26f]. Shes been my close friend for about 2.5 years. I've always had a crush on her. Fairly certain she has always had a crush on me.

I separated from my wife of 7 years a month ago. Me and the girl have grown closer, we hang out, go on dates. She comes over to my house just to sit and watch tv with me. I hang out with her and her family and 3 year old daughter.

We have never hugged, kissed or anything else.

She never really gives me that invitation to get too close to her. Never sits too close to me. when the night ends, it's always something that prevents me from moving in for a goodnight hug or kiss.

Shes a very independent woman. She likes doing things on her own, she's doesn't text or call me all day. Shes very attractive, has lots of friends that are guys. Shes not at all like any of my past girlfriends or wife. Shes doesnt just go head over heels for me and keep her feelings an open book. Shes guarded when it comes to her feelings for me. If I ever ask her, she will change the subject.

I tend to move too fast in relationships. So patience is extremely hard for me. So my question to everyone is:

Is this a scenario that could blossom into something bigger and I just need to be patient? Or is this a case of being forever in a friendzone. I'd love to hear from anyone that may have experience with this (women or men)

Thank you

# ? Feb 3, 2020 09:18

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Lucrece posted:

Been my friend for over 2 years, I want to move to the next level, but does she?

Oh this is gonna end poorly.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 09:20

Eediot Jedi: Dec 25, 2007; This is where I begin to speculate what being a
man of my word costs me

It's gonna blossom into a beautiful restraining order.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 09:26

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Me (29) in Los Angeles, my girlfriend (22) who lives in Japan, I want to surprise her by me randomly showing up in her house in Japan.

So I had a 3 month trip to Osaka, Japan last year from September to November and met a really beautiful girl there, actually met her on Instagram and decided to meet up for dinner and to drink and we just hit it off surprisingly well. We started to see each other a lot more those 3 months and she asked if she can be my girlfriend and I happily accepted because I wanted to be her boyfriend but was too scared to ask her... but she was a lot stronger than I was because she asked me instead. But anyways, after dating a few weeks, she wanted to introduce me to her parents and we all went out to eat and drink together and had an amazing time. I was able to go to her house a few times and just relax with her, in a real Japanese house, seeing how they live and the differences between that and of American living ways...

Anyways... I came back to LA on November 30th of last year and I am really missing her. She has plans to come to LA in Summer and we can be together once again, we will drive all over America and even parts of Canada as well.

But as I am laying on my bed watching TV and playing my Nintendo Switch... I am thinking about just randomly going to Japan and not even telling her, and randomly showing up in front of her house or some place that she always goes to... I can contact her parents so maybe they can help me plan it without telling their daughter... (by the way, her parents really like me a lot haha and we are on very good terms with each other)

But sadly I don't have money to do that now... but it's something I think about a lot, seeing her beautiful face and her reaction when she sees me... we both miss each other a lot and we sometimes cry when we talk on the phone because our love is just so deep and so strong... her name is Satomi and she is just the most amazing girl I have ever met and I tell her every day that I will always be a lucky guy to find such an amazing and beautiful girl like her... my heart is very weak and I am an emotional person, being a guy... I randomly start crying when I talk to her on the phone just because I love her so very much, and she will immediately start to video call me to show me her face and says that everything will be okay and we will be together very soon, she is the one in our relationship that helps me when I feel sad, she is so strong and a very amazing emotional support for me... but anyways...

My purpose of this post is to see what your reaction would be if you are in a long distance relationship, how would you feel if your boyfriend or girlfriend randomly showed up to your house or you were coming home from work and you get home, and your boyfriend or girlfriend is sitting right there on the sofa in your home, and you were not expecting anything... I think that is the most beautiful and definitely the best surprise ever... and nothing can top that surprise... I want to do that so much... and it makes me cry sometimes but this is one thing I can't tell because it will forever ruin the surprise if I can do that one day... which will probably never happen but still....anyways thank you for reading this post.

TL;DR: I want to surprise my long distance relationship girlfriend in Japan and randomly show up and surprise her, me in flesh and bones right in front of her and she didn't expect a thing... if you were in a long distance relationship, and if they did that to you, how would you feel?

# ? Feb 3, 2020 09:32

Hattie Masters: Aug 29, 2012; COMICS CRIMINAL; Grimey Drawer

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [38f] Husband [42m] was extremely rude to a former student [late 20's] and a casual friend of mine. Im mortified about it and not sure the best way to fix things.

tl;dr: My husband made some very rude comments to a friend and former student and I am very embarassed by it. What is the best way to fix it?

Please murder your loving husband. Teaching high school is a tiring, thankless task that is also absolutely essential to society.

You are expected to be counselor, disciplinarian and educator (and if you are in the UK, first line of detection for extremist behaviour).

An old lecturer of mine previously taught at that level and flat out stated that his PhD and later lecturer work were less stressful than his time teaching teenagers.

gently caress that rear end in a top hat. Especially if they have kids

# ? Feb 3, 2020 10:16

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

I've never had my car valeted, but my instinct would be to be as nice to those guys as possible.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 10:19

Darkhold: Feb 19, 2011; No Heart❤️
No Soul👻
No Service🙅

professor metis posted:

[b]AITA for not letting a kid pat my dog?

Back a bit but stuff like this is so annoying to me. I see dogs all the time in the park I pass through to take my kids to school and first thing I did was teach them to ask the owner first before approaching the dog and to make appropriate signals to the dog to make sure it's comfortable being petted.

Even if you set aside the whole being bitten by a strange dog thing it's just polite to ask first.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 10:20

Whorelord: May 1, 2013; Jump into the well...

Bruceski posted:

She lists prices in pounds so I assume England, where min wage is a bit over 8 pounds an hour. Do they also pay waitresses like crap with "you'll make it up in tips" BS?

Minimum wage for a 20 year old is 6 pounds an hour, not 8

# ? Feb 3, 2020 10:29

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

Bruceski posted:

She lists prices in pounds so I assume England, where min wage is a bit over 8 pounds an hour. Do they also pay waitresses like crap with "you'll make it up in tips" BS?

no, as far as I know minimum is minimum and outside apprentices you can't pay less but as the poster above says it's tiered by age (which is BULLSHIT, and I say that as someone in the highest bracket). For adults under 20 it's currently a little over �6, which with a standard ~40 hour week adds up to around a thousand a month

# ? Feb 3, 2020 11:15

vudan: Dec 11, 2010

All the best to the guy who is dating his favourite anime character.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 11:15

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Lucrece posted:

Update about my dad's exotic meats obsession

Sorry that your dad is going to die of viral pneumonia, OP, but at least he's just arrested for animal poaching or whatever and not what I thought he'd get busted for

cannibalism

# ? Feb 3, 2020 11:19

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Dad's into long pig, so what

# ? Feb 3, 2020 11:22

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Dad is a Captain Planet villain, so what

# ? Feb 3, 2020 11:26

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

quote:

WIBTA if I went no contact with my brother who said he doesn't love my child?
u/allsortsofbeans9h
So my (30f) brother (28m) is an odd dude. He always did really well in school, had a group of friends who were weird but nice enough. We were close growing up besides the usual sibling poo poo. I moved states and he lived with my husband and I there while looking for a job. He eventually moved there permanently.

Around 2016 he developed some odd quirks - really private, wouldn't let us in his apartment without plenty of notice, very sensitive to teasing. One Thanksgiving he up and left after dinner because of a Nintendo based argument. He also got very sensitive about politics. He voted for Jill Stein and once rageyelled at me in public for saying she was a lovely candidate.

Anyway despite all this, I trusted him and came out to him as queer. I drove him to his vasectomy he had at 23. I respected his decision and his desire to never have children. Despite this vasectomy he felt he needed IMMEDIATELY, he's never had sex let alone dated a woman. He's assured me he isn't queer, asexual, aromantic, etc.

Now. I moved to Chicago and had a baby. He came and visited when my daughter was born but refused to hold her. Or talk to her. Touch her. Smile near her. He basically acted like she didn't exist. I was mad but my mom assured me newborns make him uneasy and he'd come around. He's seen my daughter a few times since and refuses to hold her, play with her, say anything to her besides hi. Okay whatever. loving WEIRD but okay.

A few weeks ago I video chatted him about something random and my daughter was with me. He acted like she didn't exist and sighed when she would wave at him (she's almost 1.5 now). I point blank asked him if he loved her. He said no. I asked if he cared about her. He said no, just like any other baby. I asked if he wished her well. He said no. So I changed the subject and got off the phone.

Am I being unreasonable to expect my brother to be at least cordial with my daughter? I feel like as she gets older it'll be hard to explain why her uncle is such a frigid bitch who ignores her. WIBTA if I went no contact?

TL;DR: my weird 28 year old brother told me he doesn't love my kid

# ? Feb 3, 2020 12:20

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [38f] Husband [42m] was extremely rude to a former student [late 20's] and a casual friend of mine. Im mortified about it and not sure the best way to fix things.

Given that the dual major is in history and education, I�d love to know what mythical future career the husband thinks a PhD would unlock. Like, yes, if you go into academia and make tenure at a university, it�d be solid then...but given the age involved, Charlie would almost certainly just have gotten his doctorate, be an adjunct professor, and making *less* at this instant than he does as a salaried high school teacher.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 12:25

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

An incel who votes for Stein is a new one.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 12:26

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

My husband (33,M) died 1 week ago. We (I am 32,F) have been separated for 6 months. His mother (50s,F) is pressuring me into pretending that we were together and not in the process of divorcing.

quote:

Sorry if this isn't super coherent. Life has been coming at me fast recently. My STB ex ("John") died last week. We had been legally separated for about 6 months and were actively in the process of getting divorced. We have a small child (9 mo,F).

John's mother "Carol" is heading his funeral/burial. She is obviously grief stricken, but has become overbearingly involved in mine and my daughter's lives in the last week. She is currently insisting that I pretend that her son and I were not getting a divorce and that I go through the entire funeral/sitting shiva (they are Jewish) process as if I am simply a grieving wife. Don't get me wrong I am incredibly saddened and grieving in my own way but this seems extreme. Her family has always been very concerned about appearances but this is just flat out lying to so many people, many of whom I suspect already knew we were getting a divorce.

I gave it a day after she asked me to do this to confront her and basically say that I am unwilling to lie to our friends and family (my family will be attending as well) if it is brought up. I basically told her that I would be as tactful as possible (obviously am not going to take any opportunities to talk about our marital problems) and focus on John's life and all of the good things we had together (mainly our daughter). I brought up the fact that many people already knew we were divorcing (it's not like it was a big secret and we have been split up for the better part of a year) and it would be very awkward to basically act as if that didn't happen.

Anyway, Carol explodes in this huge emotional tantrum, basically screaming how I was tainting her family's name, etc etc. I asked her to leave, she did. This morning she sends me a text saying that she fully expects me to cooperate with her wishes or she will turn me away from the funeral activities.

I am very conflicted about what to do. Not going to the funeral would not only be damaging to my reputation (for various reasons), but more importantly it is very important to me that myself and my daughter get to say goodbye. The funeral is next week, I have a few days to either try to clear things up with his mother or decide on whether or not to go in the first place.

TLDR: Separated/divorcing husband, husband dies, MIL wants me to pretend that husband and I were not divorcing for the sake of the family. Wut.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 12:29

Entorwellian: Jun 30, 2006; ~~Northern Flicker~~
Anna's Hummingbird

Sorry, but the people have spoken.

I'm surprised that the doctors went ahead with a vasectomy at 23 years old while he is single. Usually if you don't have a kid or are not married, its hard to get a vasectomy done.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 12:32

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Vasectomy guy might be poor.

Governments are surprising Machiavellian regarding less-visible social policies. Where I live, if you're young, have kids, and are poor (pick 2 of 3), the gov will CHEERFULLY suggest and pay for a vasectomy. People who aren't such a big risk of creating filthy welfare-needing poors will be told to gently caress off and get their own in a private practice. It's not phrased as such of course, but the policies are upbeat and forthcoming about who they're aimed at.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 14:01

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [38f] Husband [42m] was extremely rude to a former student [late 20's] and a casual friend of mine. Im mortified about it and not sure the best way to fix things.
tl;dr: My husband made some very rude comments to a friend and former student and I am very embarassed by it. What is the best way to fix it?

Husband is a raging rear end in a top hat.

I wouldn't be shocked if he made fun of history majors when his wife isn't around, either.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 14:17

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Kenshin posted:

Wait a moment:

There are only 168 hours in a week. This seems like maybe a bit of an exaggeration. If you worked 120 hours and literally did nothing else but work and sleep and I guess eat while you work and have no commute time you could pull off just under 7 hours of sleep per night. Leaving no time to shower or do anything else.

I think it's safe to assume the Redditor doesn't shower

# ? Feb 3, 2020 14:45

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Dienes posted:

Husband is a raging rear end in a top hat.

I wouldn't be shocked if he made fun of history majors when his wife isn't around, either.

I bet they've never had that conversation but if pushed he would absolutely say her degree and life's work is meaningless since it isn't a STEM degree.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 15:40

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Inceltown posted:

An incel who votes for Stein is a new one.

I got the impression that her brother has some undiagnosed autism. Although being on the spectrum and being an incel are not mutually exclusive.

He could put a little more effort into being cordial towards his niece, but some people aren't ever going to like young kids, like this girl who knows what she wants:

AITA for telling my little cousin she doesn't have to have kids?

quote:

So I was at my cousin's (27F) house and at some point she went to take a nap while I pmayed with her daughter, my little cousin, 6F. My little cousin, let's call her Mia, is kind of going through an "anxious" phase. She worries about a lot of things from adulthood for some reason. Today, it was having kids. She was telling me that she was so scared of having kids. Honestly it was kind of hard not to laugh as this little girl was explaining to me how much she finds kids annoying haha. We just got a new little cousin and she saw him not too long ago so that might be what sparked this anxiety, it's colicky baby and the constant crying left quite an impression on her. Then it took another turn as she told me that a classmate told her babies came out of your pee hole and that all girls had babies. So I tried to explain that babies had their own baby hole and didn't come out of your pee hole but I have no idea what s age appropriate to ewplain to 6yo so I kept it quite vague and elusive, and focused on telling her that not all girls have babies. I told her some girls can t have them, and some girls don't even want them ever, like me. I even told her you can adopt kids instead of making your own. I wasn't trying to convince her of anything, just telling her the reality, that babies aren't some kind of fatality that happens to all women.

Welp it s been two weeks and now my cousin is furious because Mia keeps repeating to everyone who will listen that she isn't having kids ever, and whenever someone tell her something like "Oh but don t all little girls want a baby?" she yells a very vindicative "NOT ALL GIRLS WANT BABIES!!". She also doesn t want to play with her baby dolls but honestly even when I was playing with her, she'd throw her baby dolls around and that one that can cry she d tell it to be quiet lmao. My cousin accuses me of having indoctrinated her and that telling her about adoption etc wasn't age appropriate, and that it wasn't my place to explain those things to her, and something about not wanting her daughter to become irresponsible like me (gently caress me as to where that came from, I have a job, I pay my bills, etc). Our family is mad at me because they think I tried to convince my little cousin to not have kids like me. Like, she is 6, why the gently caress are those people even worried about that, she is a child herself. But maybe it indeed wasn t my place. I didn t really think about it, she just seemed so anxious, and I hate that people still tell little girls that they HAVE to have kids, or marry, or be with boys, etc. Did I overstep?

# ? Feb 3, 2020 16:23

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

AITA for making my 14 year old brother walk home in the rain?

quote:

I'm 30, have quite a few siblings, i don't work on Mondays as i only work Tuesday to Fridays. My little brother (half brother to be exact, same dad, different mum) is normally a really nice, cool, collected guy - i've never had a problem with him.

I got a phone call from our dad asking if i could pick up my little brother from school as he has been suspended for the rest of the day. This is a really rare incident as its never happened to any of us before. I didn't know why he was suspended at the time, my dad didn't relay that message to me.

I drove over to the school, got seated in the waiting room and i see my little brother there, looking a bit upset with himself. I asked the teacher that was looking after him what he did - she explained to me that him and another student got into a fight and he pushed the other guy over who got a cut up his leg. I thought that was just it, 2 guys getting annoyed with each other and he erupted. Fair enough, not acceptable but we were all young boys with anger problems at some point.

I asked if this needed to be taken further etc... To which the teacher said that since my brother is normally a really good student, he should just be sent home today and then he has after school detention for the rest of the week - thats fair. I asked if i could see the other boy and get my brother to apologise to him. The teacher said no as the other boy was really upset with what my brother said to him.

As we were leaving - i asked my brother what did he say to the other boy to upset him so much? He said "Shut up, you human being". i asked why he said to him. My brother just said "he was shrieking and squealing like a gay in his ear after i told him to stop", i asked if the other guy is gay, to which my brother said "no, hes a fag" with a grin on his face. At this point, i saw red. As a gay guy myself, and my little brother knows this - i was livid.

I got him to the car, drove to the end of the road and then told him to get out and walk the rest of the way. He was confused. I said i do not want a homophobe in my car. And repeated to him to get out. It was raining very heavily. The walk is about 15 to 20 minutes over some fields to our dads house, it isn't a dangerous walk home. I drove to dads and he got home after 20 minutes, he was then ringing the bell and i didn't let him in for a good 5 minutes to prove a point. He walked in crying and immediately told his mother about what i did and now shes kicking off at me saying that i had no right to discipline her son. She also said that it was disgusting that i got him to walk home alone in the rain, he could have been kidnapped. (which i completely disagree with, me and my other siblings all walked the same way home after school when we were there).

So reddit, AITA? Was i too harsh?

EDIT: Forgot to mention which does help - i've told our dad about it and have asked for my brother, myself, mum and dad to talk to him properly about it when my dad finishes work so he understands what he did/said was disgusting and why i felt the need to do what i did.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 16:29

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Is It Crazy to Bring My Toddler on a Flight During the Coronavirus Outbreak?

quote:

Dear Care and Feeding,

My best friend lives in Minnesota, and I was excited to be visiting her for her daughter�s second birthday soon. We rarely get to see each other in person, perhaps once or twice a year, and our children are only 6 months apart. This was going to be a fun trip to catch up and have my son and her daughter get a chance to play and celebrate her 2nd birthday together. The problem is coronavirus.

My husband is dead set against us going; we have to travel to a large metropolitan city in order to fly to Minnesota. He says he�s terrified of us catching the virus and then dying. I recognize his fear and his worry, but how do we balance this with an appropriate risk assessment? He says we live in a rural area for a reason, and it is an unnecessary trip with high risks. We�d be moving through airports, traveling in highly densely populated areas and generally be in contact with lots of people. I was really looking forward to this trip but now feel saddened and terrified.

How do we move forward? Am I crazy for traveling with my 2-year-old right now? Am I putting my son at unnecessary risk? I know that I, as an individual, can still go as I make my own decisions, but how about for my son? Taking him with me is �selfish� and unnecessary according to my husband. My husband would like him to stay home where it is safe and coronavirus free.

�Am I Being Selfish?

quote:

Dear Selfish,

My answer to your actual question is immediate: Leave your son at home so you can have the glorious experience of driving and then flying without your child. You�ll have an easier visit with your best friend, your husband will feel that you have compromised with him (since he would rather you both stay home), and he�s the one who will have to do the actual work of the compromise: solo child care for a few days. A 2-year-old is not really going to meaningfully enjoy visiting another 2-year-old, and skipping one trip matters not a hill of beans in this crazy world.

Now, let�s get into it a bit. Is your husband generally anxious or a germaphobe? No one is telling rural Americans with normal immune systems to avoid domestic travel (as opposed to unnecessary travel to China) and stay at home. The WHO�s advice on coronavirus is still just the basic advice of cold and flu season: wash your hands. That�s been the most important part of preventative medicine since we discovered that germ theory was real.

If he is just following the (increasingly upsetting) news out of China a little too avidly (�global emergency� is not something that gets tossed around lightly!) and is not normally one to overreact, leaving your kid and going yourself is a good compromise. 2-year-olds touch everything and put everything in their mouth, and I find flying with one to be a nightmare despite being generally relaxed about the petri dish which is recirculated airplane air and the filthy armrests.

I must admit �we live in a rural area for a reason� did throw me off. Does he live in a rural area to avoid the next great global pandemic? If this were an ongoing issue, I assume you would have mentioned it in the letter, but people do often leave out details to avoid addressing larger matters. If your husband is actually someone for whom concerns about illness routinely drive his actions in outsized ways, that�s something I need you to address with him after this trip.

For now? Leave the kid. Take the cannoli.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 17:06

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

r/relationships: Leave the kid. Take the canoli.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 17:24

gloom: Feb 1, 2003; distracted from distraction by distraction

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for telling my little cousin she doesn't have to have kids?

My partner is kinda doing this for her sister's step-daughter and I think it rules. Her sister's family lives in a rural area where a lot of girls and young women seem to get channeled towards having kids really young and giving up everything else. A lot of misery gets reproduced like that. It's important to let them know they have more options in life even if it isn't easy to follow through. Is the OP's cousin too young? Maybe, but the strength of the family's reaction kinda suggests they were already projecting those expectations on her, even if in "age-appropriate" ways, so the timing seems about right to me.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 17:37

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

More little girls need to be told they don�t need to be babymakers and caretakers if they don�t want to.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 17:57

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# ? May 5, 2024 02:18

Clocks: Oct 2, 2007

gloom posted:

My partner is kinda doing this for her sister's step-daughter and I think it rules. Her sister's family lives in a rural area where a lot of girls and young women seem to get channeled towards having kids really young and giving up everything else. A lot of misery gets reproduced like that. It's important to let them know they have more options in life even if it isn't easy to follow through. Is the OP's cousin too young? Maybe, but the strength of the family's reaction kinda suggests they were already projecting those expectations on her, even if in "age-appropriate" ways, so the timing seems about right to me.

I just don't get why anyone even cares. The girl is 6. The cousin allayed her fears by giving her some facts (not everyone wants or has kids, wow how terrible). Plenty of people don't want kids for ages until they grow older, some end up never wanting kids. This incident at 6 is probably not going to be the final factor in what this girl decides later on in life. (Nor should it even matter if she ends up wanting kids or not.)

As for the rural flying lady, I agree she should just leave the 2 year old home. The amount of poo poo I remember from when I was 2 is nonexistent. Did I have fun playing with other 2 year olds? Sure, but I don't remember, so who the gently caress cares. I do think her husband saying they live in a rural area for a reason is definitely a buried lede that was picked up on.

# ? Feb 3, 2020 18:00

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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