Smirking_Serpent posted:

NSFW How do I handle a female friend (30's/F) who won't stop hitting on me (26/F)

Beachcomber posted:

Is there a lesbian version of Grindr? Lickr?

please knock Mom! posted:

Who cares, a 25 year old should be pulling weight at home, not being dead weight

PancakeTransmission posted:

Failsons should be thrown to the wolves and made to prove they can actually hold a real job etc, before being allowed to inherit anything or live at home for free

PancakeTransmission posted:

Failsons should be thrown to the wolves and made to prove they can actually hold a real job etc, before being allowed to inherit anything or live at home for free

quote:

I [35m] have a mom [59f] and dad [60m] who are married and two younger brothers [32m and 30m]. Until 2005, I considered my relationship with all of them to be great.

In 2000, I founded a company while in college. Then, in 2004, I sold that company for enough money to set me up for several lifetimes. Yup; it happens.

This is where things get tricky.

In 2005, my parents told me that they were planning to disinherit me--yes, me, their good and loyal son! Their reasoning was that I was "rich enough" and didn't "need" an inheritance. After taking some time to take that news in, I responded with a fiery email that told them a few things point-blank.

(1) I was hurt and offended that they were deliberately choosing to leave me no legacy at all when I did nothing to deserve that treatment.

(2) It was patently unfair that they were planning to favor my brothers over me. It wasn’t about the money; it was about the treatment and the lack of equal dignity I was being afforded.

(3--the important one) Using bold type and all caps, I told them that if they disinherit me and should ever need financial assistance in the future, they will never receive any. I made it a point to mention that their decision would be considered final; and should they decide to disinherit me, there would be no turning back, no do-overs, and no “re-inheritances” accepted. They would be forced to live with their decision forever, at least as it relates to them being financially cut off should they ever need assistance.

In response, my dad argued that disinheriting me is not wrong because they have the right to do anything they want with their money and that I should not feel slighted because I never had a right to receive any of it anyway. They also laughed off my "financial cut-off threat" because they had real estate holdings worth a few million dollars at the time and didn't think they would ever need financial assistance from anyone.

About a week later, I got a copy of their will. I was legally disinherited--yes, me, their good and loyal son! Their will calls me out by name just to say that I am to get nothing at all. As soon as I found out, I emailed them that (1) I couldn’t believe they’ve actually done this, (2) they really hurt me, and (3) my “financial cut-off threat” was officially in effect for life. My mother responded by basically saying that, although she’s disappointed that I was hurt, she feels she and my dad did the right thing. And that was the last time we talked about it.

Fast-forward to 2014—oh, what a difference a decade makes. My parents have lost almost all of their wealth during the Great Recession. All they have left are one mortgaged apartment complex and a mortgaged, underwater condo that might turn around by 2024. They live off the rents from the apartment complex.

A week ago, my mom and dad invited me to lunch and, together, asked to borrow money from me to prevent their sole remaining apartment complex from being foreclosed. I was told that their credit was ruined that that I was their only hope of keeping their apartment complex and retirements financially afloat.

I abruptly excused myself from that lunch and then, on the drive home, completely lost my poo poo!! As soon as I got to a computer, I forwarded them the emails from 2005 as well as their responses. I told them in no uncertain terms that they would get not one penny from me, that they were clearly warned what would happen if they disinherited me, that they disinherited me anyway, and that actions have consequences. I also practically copy-pasted my dad’s 2005 response to me when I told him that I have the right to do anything I want with my money and that they should not feel slighted because they never had a right to receive any of it anyway.

They responded by calling me greedy, selfish, telling me something about how family is supposed to stick together, and telling me they would “re-inherit” me. I didn’t bother responding (therefore, my denial stands).

So here I am. My friends are evenly split on whether I should set aside my “financial cut-off” promise and financially help them (I could easily do it). So the question is: In light of the circumstances, should I help them out?

CLARIFICATION 1: My brothers each make around $30K-$40K per year. While they’re not broke, they simply don’t have the cash my parents need or the credit to secure a loan for it.

CLARIFICATION 2: Please believe me when I say this is not about the money. To me, an inheritance from one’s parents has both literal and symbolic value. In my opinion, they have basically chosen to treat me like trash from beyond the grave, which is really hurtful. Some people leave more to their pets than what my parents have chosen to leave to me!

tl;dr: Parents disinherited me because I’m “rich enough.” I was crushed!! I also warned them in advance that if they disinherited me, they would receive no financial help from me. Well, now they have requested financial help. Should I help them?

quote:

It wasn’t about the money; it was about the treatment and the lack of equal dignity I was being afforded.

Miss posted:

Non-Romantic: Should I [35m] provide financial assistance to my parents [59f and 60m] who disinherited me?

ArbitraryC posted:

This guy sounds like he's channeling his strongest boomer impression but if you check the thread where people asked p much every clarification question you could think of honestly the parents come across real bad and you kinda circle back around to agreeing with him.

quote:

QUESTIONS ANSWERED

Did your parents raise you?

Yes.

Did your parents pay for your college education?

Not one penny. In fact, they used my entire college fund to buy real estate and told me to get expensive student loans.

Did your parents pay for your brothers' college educations?

No, but to be fair, my brothers did not pursue college.

Were you born rich?

Not even close. Throughout my childhood, we were lower middle class at best.

If the roles were reversed, would they give you money?

There is no way for me to know the answer to this question. I would like to think so. But really, because my parents didn't have much until after I started college, I never really asked them for much, and I never received much, either. The only loan I ever requested from them--the one I needed to start my business, which I knew they could easily afford--was denied. In fact, they laughed at me, told me I was wasting my time, and predicted my failure.

Would you only be satisfied with an even (33.3%-33.3%-33.3%) inheritance split?

NO! I understand the reality of financial life and want to see the best for my brothers. I also understand that, no matter the state of my finances, zero is absolutely unfair to me! Let me explain how small zero is. By the literal language of my parents' will, I'm not even entitled to sentimental items that have almost no value to anyone else. No photos, no items that have been passed down through my family, no 35-year-old Zenith TV that I watched as a baby with my dad--I have legal claim to nothing. I'm literally bequeathed nothing at all. Not even a token gesture. That hurts.

How is your relationship with your brothers?

Great! I don't blame or resent them at all in response to my parents' actions. And believe me when I tell you that neither they nor my nieces and nephews ever go without.

Would you consider loaning your parents the money they need?

No. I don't loan money to family. If I decide to give my parents anything, it would be a gift. This is because, when it comes to family members, any loan I would make would be total BS anyway. This is because (1) everyone knows I'd never legally enforce a breach of their promise to repay, (2) I wouldn't spend any time to collect payment, and (3) I'd charge no interest which means the loan would not make any financial sense as a loan given the time value of money. More importantly, I've had to face large student loans and wouldn't want to burden my family with the obligation to make payments.

Miss posted:

I wanted to give the thread a chance to judge without the clarifications. I could've put it in a spoiler in my first post but I know y'all cheat on spoilers (I cheat on spoilers)

Miss posted:

Non-Romantic: Should I [35m] provide financial assistance to my parents [59f and 60m] who disinherited me?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For Refusing To Refund People Who Didn't Buy Insurance Due To Coronavirus?

quote:

Avid redditor, using a throwaway since friends know my main and I am beyond pissed off right now.

So growing up my parents were obsessed with money and even though they couldn't keep down jobs, my mother was constantly getting new retail jobs and quitting because it was too stressful while my dad just kept getting fired, my older sister and I had to work as soon as possible. When we were both 12 we had jobs as gold caddies and gave our parents our pay. That wasn't much but as soon as we turned 16 they demanded that we both get full time jobs on top of school.

They told us that half of our paychecks went to the family and that they would give the rest of our earnings as an allowence as needed. Even though my sister and I would work over 40 hours a week (we both had two jobs) we couldn't afford work or school clothes because our parents said it wasn't in the budget. It came to a head when they started going to marriage counseling and began to have date nights (on our dime). We also were not allowed to drive so they took us where we needed to go.

My sister left home after she graduated high school and joined the navy. She also told our parents to shove it when they asked for her last paycheck before she left as "living expenses". They disowned her and refused me to have any contact. We would speak through letters that she would write me and send to her friend's house. Since I was the only one with a real income and pretty much brainwashed by them, my parents told me that I would need to increase my hours so I did what they said.

When I was 17 I worked for five hours every morning at a donut shop before school, went to class, then worked a fast good job when class got out and double shifts over the weekend. My grades were poo poo so my dad had the brilliant idea that I drop out and work full time at both places! I regret doing that every day and when my sister found out half a year she was livid and wanted me to live with her.

When I told them I was moving out they begged me to stay and my dad even cried and told me I was the only one keeping our family off the street and that my sister just wanted to ruin everything. After I left they disowned me as well when I told them I couldn't send them money.

It was hard for awhile but my sister and her husband let me live with them rent free as long as I studied for my GED and helped out around the house. Years later my life is much better, I have my GED, I'm an assistant manager at my job, I take a couple online courses, and my own apartment with my partner and 2 year old daughter.

Two nights ago I was mindlessly browsing Facebook when I got a message from a shared account the belonged to my parents. They don't even look like the same people that I grew up with. My mom works at a chruch while my dad works for the city they live in as a grounds keeper. They told me that they were sorry for the way they treated my sister and I growing up, that they were terrible parents (I agree with that), and that they will have to life with what they did for the rest of their lives. They invited me to go out to lunch with them and they want me to bring my family with me if I wish.

I called my sister and she got the same message from them along with a friend of their telling her how they are changed people who "deserve" a second chance. Right now I am just seeing red and can't even think straight. I want to tell them to gently caress off but at the same time I want to see them face to face and get an explanation. I'm a parent now and I can't even imagine making my kid quit school to support me! Some outside opinions would be great.

tl;dr: parents hosed up my childhood and lived off me. Now they want to apologize

Miss posted:

I wanted to give the thread a chance to judge without the clarifications. I could've put it in a spoiler in my first post but I know y'all cheat on spoilers (I cheat on spoilers)

Inceltown posted:

Parents want to be involved with the grandchildren. That is the only reason they're reaching out now.

quote:

I have an identical twin sister Jessi and we look very much alike. There are small differences but only those who know both of us can recognize them.

BF and I have been together for a year. Things are good between us.

Last night this happened: my boyfriend's mom went out with her friends to watch a movie and Jessi was there as well with her boyfriend. After the movie one of her friends saw Jessi with her boyfriend. She asked her if that girl is her son's boyfriend (I met this friend at a party a few weeks ago). So she looked at Jessi and thought yes, she is.

She went to her and asked what the gently caress is going on. Jessi was confused since she hadn't met her before, and she kept asking her what the gently caress is this. At that point she was holding Jessi's arm and she told her to let her go and called her a crazy bitch. Eventually she told Jessi that she's cheating on her son and called her by my name, and Jessi told her that that's her twin sister. She slapped her across the face and told her to stop lying. Her friends then collected her and took her away.

She then called my boyfriend and told him that she's found her girlfriend with another man. I was with my boyfriend at that time. He quickly got it that she must have seen Jessi so he told her and she hung up. She then left. I talked to Jessi, she didn't even apologize to her. After she found out what she's done, she just left.

So my boyfriend talked to her again and an apology is not coming. She feels like she did nothing wrong and she was justified in whatever she did since I hadn't told her that I had a twin sister, so she's justified in harassing her like that and slapping her across the face. She said that she expects an apology for being called a crazy bitch.

I'm really pissed at her for what she did and the least she can do is apologize to Jessi. We were planning to visit my boyfriend's parents this weekend but now I'm not sure that I want to go. I can't just sit there and tell her how cute it was that she mistook me with my twin. I sure as hell don't think Jessi should go and apologize to her.

Should I let this go? Am I overreacting to consider this a deal breaker?

tl;dr: Boyfriend's mother attacked and slapped my twin sister across the face because she thought she's me and that I was cheating. Now she doesn't apologize. I want to cut off contacts with her, am I overreacting?

Mr. Lobe posted:

now, now.

they could just want more money

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

My [23F] boyfriend's [24M] mother [50sF] attacked my twin sister because she thought she's me & I'm cheating. Refuses to apologize.

Jack2142 posted:

The most hosed up thing about the modern day is how everyone practices Gavelkind inheritance.

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Power Khan posted:

I'm really curious what his redeeming qualities are that they outweight THIS.

Power Khan posted:

Edit: I stay on top of the grossness, so my kid never has to deal with it or see it. Please stop insinuating that I’m a bad mom or let my kid live in squalor. The reason I’m exhausted and burned out is because I’m constantly cleaning this all up.

Sjs00 posted:

why do all these posts include the line 'he's my best friend' like goddamn these women must have really terrible friends if this is their best one

Mr. Lobe posted:

correct

this is an age of high alienation and loneliness

there's a recent statistic that said 22% of millenials polled described themselves as having no friends

stands to reason that among the 78% that remain, a share of them are probably settling for some lousy choices

Mr. Lobe posted:

correct

this is an age of high alienation and loneliness

there's a recent statistic that said 22% of millenials polled described themselves as having no friends

stands to reason that among the 78% that remain, a share of them are probably settling for some lousy choices

Nice piece of fish posted:

That is so loving sad

Mr. Lobe posted:

correct

this is an age of high alienation and loneliness

there's a recent statistic that said 22% of millenials polled described themselves as having no friends

stands to reason that among the 78% that remain, a share of them are probably settling for some lousy choices

Mr. Lobe posted:

correct

this is an age of high alienation and loneliness

there's a recent statistic that said 22% of millenials polled described themselves as having no friends

stands to reason that among the 78% that remain, a share of them are probably settling for some lousy choices

Miss posted:

Non-Romantic: Should I [35m] provide financial assistance to my parents [59f and 60m] who disinherited me?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not letting my sister babysit my daughter in her house because she lives in a polyamory-based “love house”?