Rejected Parents: if you can't figure it out you don't deserve a blog

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Rejected Parents: if you can't figure it out you don't deserve a blog

«‹›281 »

hyperhazard: Dec 4, 2011; I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

meat glitter posted:

i guess i just kind of hope eventually "doing nothing" will work and they will go away because i dont want to give up any more of my time/life/attention to them than i have already.

I mean, you might be right. The advice to people who are being harassed/stalked (as long as they're not in danger, ofc) is to ignore the person perusing them no matter how tempting it is to respond. A complete lack of response eventually becomes boring to the person, and they move on.

One of the problems with these estranged parents groups is that it gives the parents an incentive to keep harassing their children, since they're getting attention from other people in the group whenever they do so.

# ? Mar 10, 2020 23:46

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 27, 2024 17:50

juggalo baby coffin: Dec 2, 2007; How would the dog wear goggles and even more than that, who makes the goggles?

well with how this primary is going i think rejected parents is going to see an uptick in posting pretty soon

# ? Mar 11, 2020 04:17

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Coronavirus!

quote:

Wanted to not go to Easter gathering my mom (narc) is hosting. I have a older baby and four year old. My mom has diabetes. I dont want to get her sick. Ive read it's best not to have gatherings right now. At the last, cousin and mil (mother-in-law) insisted on holding baby then touched his hand repeatedly. I tried washing his hands but they got in his mouth before i was able a couple times. Weve already been sick three times in a month. Well my mom blew her top. She says im so overboard, I should let cousin hold the baby. Basically I'm crazy. Any thoughts

The mom is not the crazy one

Here's some crazy ones

quote:

When we were estranged my son met with my husband before we all sat down. That day he had to lie about where he was going. They met at a brewery, and in a act of hurting my husband at the time he estranged he left a pair of expensive sunglasses my husband gave him in the car he left at our house prior. My husband returned the sunglasses that evening when they met. Partly because he wanted to ask why he felt the need to hurt him like that, and why he felt the need to be so hurtful to me. Partly because they were his, and my husband wanted him to have them back.

When my son returned home that evening with the sunglasses on his head (he forgot they were there) she went ballistic on him.

When I brought this up to her the day we sat down and had it out, because I wanted to point out that she was the one trying to pull my family apart, she said it was because he lied to her about where he was going�� I then pointed out the fact HE FELT THE NEED TO LIE TO HER ABOUT IT. Why should he feel that he had to lie about having a beer with his dad unless she was making his life hell unless he estranged from us?

My guess is the car is an excuse. She found out that he reached out to you, maybe she said it was fine and then when he actually made plans decided that it wasn�t. Maybe she said �do what you want� and then treated him like crap since he made that call last week, and he has lived in hell since. Maybe this is his only way of finding peace at home.

It is sad but these women who force this on their husbands, and I am living proof that it happens, are demented. I honestly still don�t trust my DIL not to do this to us again. I want to be close, I want to rebuild with her, I want to trust her, but at this point I still don�t. I still feel like sometimes she is looking for me to stumble.

I guess you can take the positive part that he reached out. You can look at the fact that he is not ok with being estranged. But, until he stops allowing his wife to dictate his life this will likely continue and you will get hopes up and be disappointed.

What did the daughter in law answer???

quote:

I�m sure many of you here like me have gone on to websites or read books on reconciliation. I�ve read online stories written by therapists who have dealt with adult children who�ve estranged from their parents. I�ve read stories of therapists who had adult children who had estranged from them. Everything I read says the same thing. If there is going to be reconciliation with a child who has estranged from you, you the parent have to make the first move and the first step is to apologize. Even if you don�t feel you�ve done anything wrong, supposedly you have done something wrong to hurt your child otherwise they wouldn�t go no contact with you. I�m simply amazed that with the exception of this wonderful forum, that is always the answer given for reconciliation. What I�d like to know though is what type of relationship would you have with your child after apologizing when you haven�t done anything wrong? When your child has twisted things and made you guilty of things that didn�t happen or has blown things completely out of proportion. By apologizing for all of these things, what does this tell your child?

In the beginning, when I first confronted my daughter, about a year ago, I was so shocked at everything she was accusing me of that my first reaction and response was to apologize. Even though I didn�t understand the accusations, she clearly seemed upset and hurt so as a mother, I wanted her to not be upset so I apologized. I remember at one point during our conversation, I accidentally interrupted her. I remember her scolding me and rolling her eyes saying that that is something that I�ll probably never quit doing. Little did I know, that was pretty much a preview of how things would play out from that point on. I�d arrange visits to see our grandchild and we had to accommodate their schedule, we had to make sure to enter extremely quietly if he was napping, if someone wasn�t feeling well, acting happy, dozed off during a visit, etc., we were in trouble and a scolding would follow. The relationship was still very one sided. Contact was usually made by us. We still felt as though we were just being tolerated and the loving relationship we used to have was basically nonexistent. The last conversation that I had with my daughter back early in November that turned into another confrontational conversation resulted in her scolding me for rehashing things. She told me we weren�t going to see eye to eye and the visit to see the grandchild that I had requested was canceled. At that point I had pretty much had it. I told her I was damned if I do and damned if I don�t. I was no longer going to beat a dead horse and the ball was in her court. That was when she made the remark that she just wanted space. We didn�t hear from her during Thanksgiving. Christmas there were some obligatory texts only because they had agreed to be part of a family gift exchange. They didn�t come home for Christmas but she texted letting me know what was being shipped and when for the family gift exchange. There was a family wedding after Christmas which we got together and quickly exchanged gifts. It went OK but still felt awkward and obligatory on her part. And that�s been the last time I�ve heard from her except for thanking me for a valentine gift for her son and valentines for all of them.

So my question is, how does apologizing for something you didn�t do solve anything? I basically tried that in the beginning and it did nothing. Do you apologize and have no self respect and also have your child not respect you? Do you then just continue on with a phony one-sided relationship? Continue to walk on eggshells? That�s basically how it was for me. I just would like someone to maybe explain it to me if I am by chance missing something.

Okay, another little update:

quote:

My ex-DIL usually has to go their house to pick up the children Sunday nights after their weekend over there. She has been telling me every week DILFH comes out and rants about how terrible the kids were, and how she (ex-DIL) is a �bad parent.� She says this within hearing distance of the kids.

Before telling the rest of this, I need to mention that my 4th grade granddaughter got an �honors certificate for good grades the last marking period and I have a copy of that on my fridge. Mom has the original but I made copies for my son and I and gave GD one to take to her dad. I�m guessing they don�t have that displayed anywhere judging from the text I am about to tell about.

So this past Sunday, when she went to pick up her kids she informed ES and DILFH that she signed the kids up for indoor soccer. DIL was instantly angry and said they were bad and should not be allowed to play soccer! She stalked off back to her house angry and then sent the following text:

I could link to an image of it to show the actual text with names and identity blocked out but I don�t know if that is allowed so I�ll just type what it said here:

[first lines removed due to indentifying info]��No idea why�hear me loud and clear�wish I had a say, sadly I don�t. They continue to do this stupid stuff all the time. I dont know why we think soccer and electronics before school is a good thing when they continually do these things and are doing so poor in their behaviors and schooling. [GD�s name] has been a living hell to deal with for so very long, she cant manage going a few hours without getting into trouble. I am so burnt out, i am f**k**g sick of it [the actual word not the way I typed it here] and don�t know what more to do when I feel like I am the only one who cares! [Followed by 3 sad crying emojis]

Before she blocked me on FB, I certainly noticed most of her posts included some sort of religious thing and hashtags about what would Jesus do? I don�t think she prayed for wisdom before sending that text, but whatever.

So you see, I�m going to have to get involved again because my grandkids should not be treated this way! The text was copied to ex-DIL�s husband and also my son (ex DIL shared it with me, it was not copied to me by DILFH). So my son knows she did this. I know him very well and I don�t think he�d be happy she sent that no matter how much he supports her actions and �parenting style.�

Just got off the phone with him a few mintutes ago. We talked about (what else?) the Corona virus.

Not one mention of his kids or wife and this is always how it is.

I have to think it through but I�m not going to do �nothing� about this latest little piece of proof of her instability and unrealistic expectations of those kids. I�m going to either give my ex-DIL a push and even help her to file a petition to let my son know he either keeps that woman away from the kids, and does the co-parenting himself as it was before he married her, or she will ask that she have full custody. I know ex-DIL wants my help and support or she would never share this stuff with me, but I also know she is usually very passive and does not want to rock the boat. She is also afraid she won�t prevail if she takes him to court.

I vowed to myself last year that if those two got licensed for foster care, I would not intervene any further but I am now rethinking that. I�m open for ideas and discussion. I guess what this is mostly about, as it relates to estrangement is that I know it is about to (likely) happen again as I�m going to take actions my son will be very angry about but I just can�t continue to let this go on and do nothing.

I hate being estranged from my son. I know my situation is a little different than most here as he doesn�t just turn on me for no apparent reason. He turns on me because I do what I feel I have to in order to protect my grandkids. I dread that happening again with my son.

response posted:
This is really tough. You know to keep proof, well the GC mother has to keep these text messages as proof. Your current DIL sounds like someone very cruel. It even sounds like a personality disorder possibly due to the level of irrational behaviors and cruelty. I know you think this is all on the current DIL but the other parent who allows the abuse is complicit.

Original Poster posted:
In the end they lost that battle of keeping me away from the grandkids because at least the bio mom and I are on the same team now and they know it (and hate that, of course).

I reported them BOTH to their foster caseworker in an attempt to give them a wake up call about their OWN parenting (both of them) and I took my own son to court to petition grandparent rights, all shortly before joining this forum as he had stopped speaking to me and sent me emails proclaiming he is NOT abusive and neither is his wife. She is a sweet darling, loving compassionate person. yada yada�.

He also tried to make me feel very guilty by sending emails saying they would never get foster children and it was because of me. He said it was embarrassing because she had been a foster care case worker herself in the past! I mostly ignored some of those things he said but I wonder why he lied saying they were not getting certified; it was a blatant lie and I still have the email, of course.

I sure thought she ought to be embarrassed not because of me reporting, but because of the truth: she really is abusive.

But even with three pages of incidents and copies of texts to back it all up, they decided those two are fit to be foster parents. So there is nothing simple about this. I did the hardest thing I ever did in my life to report my son knowing he might never speak to me again and yet it did no good. On the flip side, he also started speaking to me again a few months after I took him to court, but we just avoid talking about the elephant in the room. He knows I see his kids and even arranges for me to see them and have them here sometimes but doesn�t ask about their time here, if they had fun (they always do and they are well supervised). My husband and I adore them and have half raised them since they were born.

So it is a cycle and the whole reason I posted. I feel I�m going to have to take action again and of course it is not just against her; it is both.

I guess they are THAT desperate for foster care workers. I will always wonder how they framed this to make it seem that all the printouts of proof of the insanity and insensitivity to the needs of HIS OWN KIDS, they still certified them as foster parents. I think they (ES and DILFH) probably framed it as I was trying to get some sort of revenge on them but even if they were swayed by their sob stories even a little, I think the responsible thing would have been to follow up more with me and with another name of a person I gave them who would have information, but that person told me she was never contacted. She was a person they initially left as a reference when they applied but she said she would not be able to recommend them. I asked the case worker to call her and talk but obviously she did not do it. I have talked to this woman who is a foster parent herself she definitely agrees with me these two should not be doing it. (She goes to their church).

I am 100% clear in my mind there was not revenge motivation on my part. I laid awake in bed sobbing silently so my husband would not hear for about a week straight. I do love my son and do not want to hurt him but I also fully recognize that I love my grandkids just as much and they need to be protected so I did what I had to do. I didn�t tell anyone not even my husband that I was doing it. It crushed me inside, absolutely crushed me, but I did take the day off work and did make an appointment when I found out who their case worker was and talked to her for about two hours and gave her a literal stack of evidence of things I witnessed and had texts and other documents to back up all of it. It was far from revenge but I know that my son is not able to comprehend he is inadequate either so that is what they tell themselves: I did it out of revenge. Not the case. I did it because I love my grandchildren and they deserve better. Yes, I told my husband and my daughters after I went to the case worker.

I was seeing a counselor. I sort of hoped some counselor I told this to would take it upon themselves to do the reporting so I would not have to be the one. But none ever thought any one incident was going to be enough to warrant a report for abuse so it never happened.

quote:
(poster), you brought up so many things and they all make sense but the frustration is that nothing works like it is supposed to. These kids (so far) will not talk about what goes on over there. They talk to their mother a little more than me, I think. When I asked my granddaughter what she got for Christmas at Daddy�s house, she said she didn�t know because she had to stay in her room while they opened presents because she was �bad.� I asked what she did, and she said �I don�t want to talk about it� and that is her answer to most anything like that! And I don�t want to ask in a way that leads to negativity; I just try to have casual conversations. My grandkids do know that I love, and talk to their daddy. I wonder what they know or think about the relationship between step-mother and me. I wish in ways that I could just ask what she says about me but I know it would be wrong to do that so I don�t. They are not stupid kids. I�m sure they are aware Daddy used to come to my house all the time and I went to his frequently too, and now I�m not allowed in his house at all. I�m sure they know she hates me and hates their mother. That can�t be cool.

While I wish my ex-DIL was more assertive since she has more power in this, I�m not going to judge her. She loves her children and is doing the best she can to protect them and feels the courts are against her (and I�m not sure she is wrong). None of us are perfect and I do understand many of the reasons she is the way she is. Even so, as I have been writing this, I have already stated that I�m not going to �do nothing.� I will either try reporting them again, or work on getting ex-DIL to take them to court, or both.

I'm thrilled that she included the actual text and would give my eyeteeth to see the file of "abuse" she compiled.

trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 16:03 on Mar 17, 2020

# ? Mar 13, 2020 22:32

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Those are very bad, to read.

# ? Mar 13, 2020 22:53

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Apprently I forgot to block my mother because she just texted me "I'm just reaching out in hopes of getting the family back together" and I have zero interest. Not having to deal with them treating me like poo poo has been wonderful. Amazing. It was great not being called stupid and disappointing for a while. I'd rather keep that up.

# ? Mar 15, 2020 23:03

Light Gun Man: Oct 17, 2009; toEjaM iS oN
vaCatioN; Lipstick Apathy

Picnic Princess posted:

Apprently I forgot to block my mother because she just texted me "I'm just reaching out in hopes of getting the family back together" and I have zero interest. Not having to deal with them treating me like poo poo has been wonderful. Amazing. It was great not being called stupid and disappointing for a while. I'd rather keep that up.

hell yea keep it up

feels good

# ? Mar 15, 2020 23:15

ohnobugs: Feb 22, 2003

Picnic Princess posted:

Apprently I forgot to block my mother because she just texted me "I'm just reaching out in hopes of getting the family back together" and I have zero interest. Not having to deal with them treating me like poo poo has been wonderful. Amazing. It was great not being called stupid and disappointing for a while. I'd rather keep that up.

Yeah I bet she'd like things to go back to exactly the way they were. Good job breaking the status quo. It's a whole new world, isn't it?

# ? Mar 15, 2020 23:35

Poo In An Alleyway: Feb 12, 2016

Picnic Princess posted:

Not having to deal with them treating me like poo poo has been wonderful. Amazing. It was great not being called stupid and disappointing for a while. I'd rather keep that up.

The peace and quiet you're met with when you cut them out is shocking and amazingly refreshing, isn't it? I changed my phone number in 2011 and never looked back. I hated being at my bitch mother's constant beck and call, and got sick of her treatment towards me when I did answer her calls.

Ignore her messages, block her number, consider changing your number if that's possible. Phone company will almost certainly charge you for it but it's only a one-off fee that pays for itself in the relief of knowing you'll never have to answer the phone to her ever again.

# ? Mar 16, 2020 00:24

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Picnic Princess posted:

Apprently I forgot to block my mother because she just texted me "I'm just reaching out in hopes of getting the family back together" and I have zero interest. Not having to deal with them treating me like poo poo has been wonderful. Amazing. It was great not being called stupid and disappointing for a while. I'd rather keep that up.

Nicest post on the page.

# ? Mar 16, 2020 00:29

Neito: Feb 18, 2009; 😌Finally, an avatar the describes my love of tech❤️‍💻, my love of anime💖🎎, and why I'll never see a real girl 🙆‍♀️naked😭.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

My father would tell me how lucky I have it that he doesn't beat the poo poo out of me the way his father would beat the poo poo out of him...while beating the poo poo out of me.

Here's a great example of how badly he screwed himself. My sister is twelve years older than me, and my father is her stepfather. So when my sister had two daughters and a son, my father decided they weren't real grandchildren because they're not blood, so he didn't really try with them and constantly complained that they were spoiled brats. There was one year where he faked an illness for every one of their birthday parties so he didn't have to go. He would always talk about the children I would have, and how great it would be to finally be a grandpa, as he would not allow my sister's kids to call him that. At one point he even told me he had something very important to discuss with me. He sat me down and said, "You need to promise, right now, that your kid will be a Yankee fan. And don't let [sister's husband] into the hospital because he'll try to put a Met hat on him." He was 100% serious.

Then I went no contact with my entire family in 2012, and my current spouse and I aren't having children anyway. So he wasted the last twenty-six years basically ignoring my sister's kids while waiting for "actual" grandchildren that never came to be and never will.

The worst part of this is definitely that someone is, somehow, a die-hard Yankees fan. It's like rooting for the rich kid team in the Mighty Ducks; I'm sure it happens, but I can't imagine it.

*Puts on his "Boston is best at everything" shirt and strides confidently to his death in the Bronx*

# ? Mar 16, 2020 16:15

Plant MONSTER.: Mar 16, 2018; I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

I mean my dad's mom would accuse him of being an incarnation of the devil and was really lovely to him and his dad did nothing to help him. He essentially completely dropped out from his family.

But then he turned out to be shittier than either of his parents, so it's good that he also effectively estranged himself from us. Seriously you can't reach that man, I won't even know if or when he's dead, probably. Let's keep it that way.

Growing up with him was scary to say the least.

# ? Mar 16, 2020 16:39

Moola: Aug 16, 2006

Rockbear posted:

When my ES Deklynne was 5, we were at a family gathering, and my sister suggested that we let all the kids play with crayons while the adults socialized. Innocent enough, I thought.

A half hour later, ES runs up to me and hands me a picture that he's drawn. It's a crude drawing of two persons, one peach colored and the other blue.

"Look, mommy, I drew you and Sonic!"

The words were like a dagger in my heart. It had been in the news all week. Sega had declared bankruptcy. And now, my ES was associating me with their mascot.

The message was obvious. "Mother, I see you as a failure. You will never be successful. Everything you do will fall to pieces. Shenmue is overrated."

The other adults in the room pretended not to notice this mortifying insult, out of politeness, but they all grew awkward and quiet. My ES looked at me, feigning confusion as my hot tears hit the paper.

I'll never forget the sinister look in his eyes as he said, "What's wrong, mommy? Don't you like Sonic?"

When ES ignores my texts and calls, when he sends back my gifts, I think back to that day. I should have known then that his heart was wicked. I should have had the strength to stand up for myself against his abusive, gaslighting behavior.

I know better now. I understand my worth. It's hard but I get better every day.

Thanks for listening, everyone. This message board has been such a good support system. Anyway, it's lent, so I gotta go fast.

The last lined killed me lol

# ? Mar 16, 2020 18:47

Clitch: Feb 26, 2002; I lived through
Donald Trump's presidency
and all I got was
this lousy virus

Rejected Parents: Self-Quarantined from Virulent Narcissists

# ? Mar 16, 2020 19:59

Dirt Road Junglist: Oct 8, 2010; We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

Pope Corky the IX posted:

My father would tell me how lucky I have it that he doesn't beat the poo poo out of me the way his father would beat the poo poo out of him...while beating the poo poo out of me.

Here's a great example of how badly he screwed himself. My sister is twelve years older than me, and my father is her stepfather. So when my sister had two daughters and a son, my father decided they weren't real grandchildren because they're not blood, so he didn't really try with them and constantly complained that they were spoiled brats. There was one year where he faked an illness for every one of their birthday parties so he didn't have to go. He would always talk about the children I would have, and how great it would be to finally be a grandpa, as he would not allow my sister's kids to call him that. At one point he even told me he had something very important to discuss with me. He sat me down and said, "You need to promise, right now, that your kid will be a Yankee fan. And don't let [sister's husband] into the hospital because he'll try to put a Met hat on him." He was 100% serious.

Then I went no contact with my entire family in 2012, and my current spouse and I aren't having children anyway. So he wasted the last twenty-six years basically ignoring my sister's kids while waiting for "actual" grandchildren that never came to be and never will.

# ? Mar 17, 2020 08:16

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Biplane posted:

Those are very bad, to read.

I fixed the formatting but I don't think it helped.

# ? Mar 17, 2020 16:06

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

trickybiscuits posted:

I fixed the formatting but I don't think it helped.

Yeah I meant in the sense of me now having experienced that rambling, incoherent screed of insanity and my mind now being forever lessened in some arcane and eldritch fashion.

# ? Mar 17, 2020 21:10

Poo In An Alleyway: Feb 12, 2016

It appears that my own mother is on the warpath again. I got the following Facebook message from one of my cousins yesterday:

quote:

Hey PooInAnAlleyway please don't shoot the messenger I just had your mom on the phone completely out of the blue and she asked me to make contact with you she and your dad are worried about you as they haven't seen you in so long and if you needed anything like money or anything or even to come home etc etc again I was completely taken aback by the call and dont want to be in the middle but said I'd pass the message on. I have her number again don't shoot me and I understand if your raging I didn't know what was the right thing to do

An unforeseen side-effect of the current world situation: narc parents using it an a flimsy excuse to re-initiate contact with no-contact children because 'we have to take care of each other or something'. This is absolutely the case with my bitch mother, and worse again, pulling my cousin into it when she has nothing to do with it, and wants nothing to do with it.

# ? Mar 18, 2020 21:17

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

postin on page 69 :grin:

# ? Mar 18, 2020 22:40

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Can't post for 23 hours!

Nooner posted:

postin on page 69

YOU RAPSCALLION!

# ? Mar 19, 2020 00:15

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

PooInAnAlleyway posted:

It appears that my own mother is on the warpath again. I got the following Facebook message from one of my cousins yesterday:

An unforeseen side-effect of the current world situation: narc parents using it an a flimsy excuse to re-initiate contact with no-contact children because 'we have to take care of each other or something'. This is absolutely the case with my bitch mother, and worse again, pulling my cousin into it when she has nothing to do with it, and wants nothing to do with it.

Hoe's mad

# ? Mar 19, 2020 01:33

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

PooInAnAlleyway posted:

It appears that my own mother is on the warpath again. I got the following Facebook message from one of my cousins yesterday:

An unforeseen side-effect of the current world situation: narc parents using it an a flimsy excuse to re-initiate contact with no-contact children because 'we have to take care of each other or something'. This is absolutely the case with my bitch mother, and worse again, pulling my cousin into it when she has nothing to do with it, and wants nothing to do with it.

drat, it's happening all over the place

quote:

Our ED texted her sister (our younger daughter) on Monday. ED wrote she had a connection at the local grocery store and wanted to know if she needed any toilet tissue; not 1 word asking if we were ok (we�re in the target group) or if we needed anything. Her sister was so disgusted she didn�t reply back. Instead our younger daughter traveled to a few stores yesterday morning, finally found tissue, and bought a pack for us and herself.

Our younger daughter also called our DIL, (our son had applied for a job opportunity, he didn�t get it) and was checking on how her brother was doing; DIL said he�s coping fine and that was it. Again not a word on how anyone else was doing.

This virus speaks volumes; it magnifies how uncaring and self centered those people we would have once walked thru fire for have become, yet at the same time shines light on those who really care.

HOW DARE THEY not ask how you are when they want nothing to do with you. People who do not want you in their lives should change their minds when the situation is different!

And from the other side:

quote:

FIL/SMIL are notorious for hiding when they�re sick, so we won�t be visiting until this is over. They�re so bad that they went to visit a friend in the hospital who had just had major surgery while they were both sick, possibly flu. It didn�t occur to them to tell their friend they were sick and maybe shouldn�t bring their germy selves to the hospital. It was inconceivable to them that the pleasure of their company might be outweighed by the health risks they brought. Also the same people who were pissed that we cancelled a visit the day after ODD was diagnosed with strep. Tried to talk us out of it, even though our 2 month old niece would be there. They drat sure would not have given BIL (brother-in-law) and SIL (sister-in-law) the heads up.

quote:

My husband called his mom last night, and apparently her lack of contact was a test to see if he cared. She is also pissed she can�t visit her husband in the nursing home. My husband told her that was a good thing to keep them all safe. She told him he�s doesn�t understand life and she�s there all the time so shouldn�t be included. I�m sure it�s sad to not see him, but yikes!

# ? Mar 19, 2020 19:09

ohnobugs: Feb 22, 2003

quote:

Our ED texted her sister (our younger daughter) on Monday. ED wrote she had a connection at the local grocery store and wanted to know if she needed any toilet tissue; not 1 word asking if we were ok (we�re in the target group) or if we needed anything. Her sister was so disgusted she didn�t reply back. Instead our younger daughter traveled to a few stores yesterday morning, finally found tissue, and bought a pack for us and herself.

Our younger daughter also called our DIL, (our son had applied for a job opportunity, he didn�t get it) and was checking on how her brother was doing; DIL said he�s coping fine and that was it. Again not a word on how anyone else was doing.

This virus speaks volumes; it magnifies how uncaring and self centered those people we would have once walked thru fire for have become, yet at the same time shines light on those who really care.

Let me see if I can sum this up.

ElGroucho posted:

Hoe's mad

# ? Mar 19, 2020 20:24

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

PooInAnAlleyway posted:

It appears that my own mother is on the warpath again. I got the following Facebook message from one of my cousins yesterday:

An unforeseen side-effect of the current world situation: narc parents using it an a flimsy excuse to re-initiate contact with no-contact children because 'we have to take care of each other or something'. This is absolutely the case with my bitch mother, and worse again, pulling my cousin into it when she has nothing to do with it, and wants nothing to do with it.

That is absolutely my case as well. She was more than happy to ignore me when I was in need of support for years with a chronic illness that ruined my life, literally told me she didn't want to talk to me until I was better when I requested positivity to help me get through it, now all of a sudden "we have to get the family back together" because they're facing some struggles.

lmao what fuckin family, there never was one, it was all performative bullshit.

# ? Mar 19, 2020 21:50

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

Yeah i'm reading the estranged parents forum and a lot of people are using it as an excuse to get in contact with their estranged children.

# ? Mar 20, 2020 01:00

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Picnic Princess posted:

lmao what fuckin family, there never was one, it was all performative bullshit.

This is what strikes me about most of the estranged parent stuff.

They don't want to actually enjoy the company of their children. Nor do they actually care about their wellbeing or anything like that. It's all about 'keeping up appearances' and looking like the perfect Norman Rockwell family.

Even when they whinge about their Estranged Kids being mean or distant, it's not coz they miss them. It's because "you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing and that makes me/our family look bad.

This shows also in their performative wailing and begging for sympathy on the website. It's never "I feel bad", more "Woe is me! Oh the pain and humiliation...." with a pause so somebody can comfort them.

And on the CoronaVirus making parents get in contact thing: I live in Korea, and I had a facetime with my parents yesterday where they genuinely asked if I was OK. I told them I was, they sighed with relief and that was the end of it. This is how it should be. Not a begging manipulative "please get back in touch with me!" insincere attempt at dragging you back into the fold.

# ? Mar 20, 2020 03:33

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Absolutely, it took me years to understand the true meaning of family, and that you shouldn't be forced to maintain toxic relationships just because they say you have to or you're supposed to.

# ? Mar 20, 2020 04:52

Good soup!: Nov 2, 2010

Picnic Princess posted:

Apprently I forgot to block my mother because she just texted me "I'm just reaching out in hopes of getting the family back together" and I have zero interest. Not having to deal with them treating me like poo poo has been wonderful. Amazing. It was great not being called stupid and disappointing for a while. I'd rather keep that up.

As someone who did the ol :sever:

to a lovely mother, hell yea

# ? Mar 20, 2020 05:31

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

I�m on the fence on contacting my Auntie, as she respects the boundary between my father and I, but I still dread something going amiss.

I�m ok with my dad knowing I�m alive and safe but that�s about it? I do want to check with her regarding the rest of the family however...

# ? Mar 20, 2020 07:44

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

teen witch posted:

I�m on the fence on contacting my Auntie, as she respects the boundary between my father and I, but I still dread something going amiss.

I�m ok with my dad knowing I�m alive and safe but that�s about it? I do want to check with her regarding the rest of the family however...

Don�t do it

# ? Mar 20, 2020 12:01

The Breakfast Sampler: Jan 1, 2006

Ziv Zulander posted:

Don�t do it

it's always a trap

# ? Mar 20, 2020 12:04

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I'm honestly shocked my sister hasn't used the current situation to get in contact with me considering some of the poo poo she's pulled in the past. At one point she had somehow found my mother-in-law's phone number and called to scream at her that I need to get in touch with my parents. She had never met or spoken to this woman before in her life.

# ? Mar 20, 2020 14:31

Boba Pearl: Dec 27, 2019; by Athanatos

I feel very lucky, my parents have not contacted or tried to contact me since I told them not too. We don't communicate and it's awesome.

# ? Mar 21, 2020 03:19

Sherry Bahm: Jul 30, 2003; filled with dolphins

Just this morning I was reading these posts about how the virus outbreak has been used as an excuse to try and get back into people's lives. I literally thought to myself, "yeap, just a matter of time now." :morning:

Got a text before noon from one of the genetic donors about how they had a nightmare that I was sick and how they felt it was a premonition and it moved them to reach out to me.

# ? Mar 21, 2020 09:18

HelloIAmYourHeart: Dec 29, 2008; Fallen Rib

So now that we're fully into quarantine hell, do any of you who are brave enough to stare into the abyss have anything to post? (I am not brave enough)

# ? Apr 7, 2020 04:38

Poo In An Alleyway: Feb 12, 2016

HelloIAmYourHeart posted:

So now that we're fully into quarantine hell, do any of you who are brave enough to stare into the abyss have anything to post? (I am not brave enough)

Thankfully there's been no more word from my cousin about my Narc mom contacting her. Hopefully that'll be the end of it (it won't be, I know what she's like).

# ? Apr 7, 2020 16:06

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

One contact from either my father or his partner, asking if I was ok. I answered �yes, I�m ok�, and immediately put my phone into night mode.

No texts beyond that for a week :frogc00l:

# ? Apr 7, 2020 16:10

BaronVonVaderham: Jul 31, 2011; All hail the queen!

Not a peep from my father or his side of the family (outside of the two cousins who aren't lovely people). I'm actually kind of grateful for that right now, I imagine they're absolutely gobbling up conspiracy theories about all of this being a vast hoax to make Trump look bad. But that also lets me know where things stand, since I'm absolutely in the high risk category and contrast that with my mom texting or calling daily to check on me.

I did hear from my brother that initially my father was definitely going down that rabbit hole and dismissing this all as manufactured panic to hurt Trump after the "fraudulent impeachment" failed. He only finally started to care when the stock market poo poo the bed and his retirement is probably taking a huge hit because he's an idiot. He is apparently trying to tie all of this into "Crooked Hilary" somehow.

Fun fact: I'm in the high risk category thanks to that same lovely parent not giving a gently caress before :dance:

. I was home in NY visiting for the holidays during my second year of college and instantly got sick when I got off the plane. This developed into life-threatening pneumonia, but he would not take me to a doctor and instead actually chewed me out for trying to "ruin Christmas" by being grumpy and not social (as I was just huddled in a pile in front of the fireplace trying not to die). Shortly after, my brother and I went up to our mom's place in MA and my mom wanted to rush me to the ER that night. I talked her down to waiting a few hours until morning (our insurance sucked at the time, yay 'Merican healthcare), and was in the office for quite some time the next day getting nebulizer treatments and tons of steroids and all sorts of fun drugs.

I improved almost immediately and was fine in a few days, but it had a lasting effect on my lungs. My very minor asthma worsened a great deal, and ever since then I catch respiratory infections if anyone in a 5 mile radius sneezes. The second COVID was on our radar I shuttered up immediately. I've left the house all of once and it's still pretty miraculous that I'm not infected yet.

# ? Apr 7, 2020 17:17

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

My estranged sister works as a secretary/admin assistant at a local hospital. Apparently she reassured all her 20-30yo friends that since she's a 'medical professional' she knows about Covid and hosted a massive party at her house. When she got called out she said the family was treating her as the black sheep again and threw another big party the following weekend. Now she's drunk dialing family members at night to scream and cry at them for 'ostracizing her' because she can't understand how a stay-at-home order works.

My stepdad recently re-connected with his estranged brother due to the covid crisis. Estranged brother opened the conversation with conspiracy theories about how the virus isn't real, this is how they will instill martial law and steal presidency from Trump, 5G towers are merely activating RFID chips, etc. Stepdad bought it hook, line, sinker and started repeating it (argumentatively) to my mom and aunt.

My mom, who is a respitory therapist and has had to work every day the last 3 weeks due the pandemic. My aunt, who is an ICU nurse at the other hospital. They responded exactly as you might imagine, and he's since deleted his FAcebook and turned off his phone and not talking to anyone.

# ? Apr 7, 2020 19:17

Dirt Road Junglist: Oct 8, 2010; We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

My mom says her sister-in-law has gone fully off the rails and is screaming in public about Killary and Barack Hussein trying to ruin the economy with just another drat cold these days. She was the halfway sane one in that relationship, but has somehow swapped places with my uncle and gone fully unhinged. I've always gotten along with her in the past, even with our very opposed politics, because at least back then she was still treating people like individuals and was actually happy to find out she's got Jewish heritage after an Ancestry check because, quote, "At least we're something other than plain white!"

She's got a bunch of grandkids in the military, soooooo :smith:

The rest of my family seems to have kept it together. My aunt across the state who voted for Trump because she hated Hillary but now regrets everything is being extremely proactive about social distancing.

# ? Apr 8, 2020 01:15

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 27, 2024 17:50

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

I saw this areticle: Coronavirus Crisis: The Unexpected Gift to Narcissists: The pandemic forces a reset of self-aggrandizing demands for control.

quote:

Their unrealistic �demand� for control and the disappointment that frequently follows often bring them into my office. Often, hours and hours of therapy appear futile in changing the narcissist's demand that the world and people be and act exactly the way that they �should� behave. They demand unconditional control.

But something quite fascinating has occurred with many of these patients since the coronavirus pandemic emerged. They have been forced to give up the precious control that they felt they must have to keep their lives in order and to be happy. Their ideas of how the world �should� treat them have been turned upside down and have challenged them to seriously rethink their deeply held beliefs about their importance and superiority over others in their lives.

As far as I can tell it's not happening on the estranged parents boards though so . . . .

quote:

Is it just me? For the first time in 18 months I emailed our 46 Year Old ED . Worried As I knew she and husband laid off due to virus. We have been in contact with SIL to set up visitation dates as our ED Has us blocked. By all means possible, . Surprisingly enough, he was quite pleasant during exchanges. I emailed her,but texted SIL to ensure she received texts. Sound childish ? You bet!

In my Short email , yet once again tried to get her to understand why I always put my husband first and children second. If I didn�t agree with , if he didn�t agree with how we handled situations with the children, we dealt with it privately . Out of kids ear shot. From her teenage years to now 46 , she is all but eaten alive And the main reason for our estrangment. I�m the catalyst she told me to all our problems. Little did I know when she was only 3 years old she came to me crying, saying � you love daddy more than me� that this set the trend for the rest of her life . She despised him, and hated me more later during her teenage life. . In my short email I explained that�s who we all were in my generation. Tgats what was. Instilled in us. Put our Husband first. I ended text by saying , we should take this time and use it as a learning moment. Her only child , whose now 10 and clearly understands. What�s going on around him. Is being taught how to resolve family issues. . You don�t agree , you toss people away. Has he�s experience since he was 9 months old with SILs family

Later I received text from SIL stating. This is a stressful time and ED won�t change her mind. For her sanity and the sake of their family the situation would not change. Our relationship with our daughter is finished,

Myself and my husband both at high risk for the coronavirus due to underlying health issues. . Our only other child living abroad with his wife and our 2 GC check in every other day as we have no family whatsoever in the same province. We have friends who check in periodically and trulybgrateful for that.

Not even during this crisis could our ED who lives an hours drive away could Put aside her victimhood, Her self pity, her hard done by to pick up the phone and say Hi , is everything OK.? If this moment of Crisis that we are living in doesn�t stimulate some kind of feelings of empathy, sympathy, Guilt, need. from within themselves to prompt them to reach out to ones that gave them life, raised them in decent good homes , To reach out, there will never be another moment. I could understand if she were abused , neglected , or lived in an environment where there was alcohol or drug abuse. . Parents who constantly argued , or poverty strickened, There was none of this . I�m completely baffeled by it all. We�re not hurt , angry or enraged. Just so bewildered . Thus kind of thing rarely hapoened. In families , now it�s an epidemic. So sad.

It must be exhausting, being these people.

# ? Apr 8, 2020 02:29

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Rejected Parents: if you can't figure it out you don't deserve a blog

«‹›281 »