Rejected Parents: if you can't figure it out you don't deserve a blog

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Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

Oh and if you are sad, if you need warmth and comfort...look to god. Pray to god. Don't look to your own mother.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 22:39

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 00:36

BaronVonVaderham: Jul 31, 2011; All hail the queen!

AuntBuck posted:

Narcissist parents' focus is on how they look and not on how they hosed up or fixing their horrible behavior.

My father once called me to demand I take down a facebook post wherein I talked about how grateful I was that my food stamps kicked in and I could eat again.

No concern that I couldn't afford food and was about to end up homeless, the post just made him look bad to the rest of the family because my "failure" reflected on him (as did, I'm sure, his not helping in any way despite making over 200k a year between he and his new wife). I should be properly ashamed to have fallen so far and keep that poo poo to myself.

My mom, making almost nothing as a bank teller, would deposit money in my account at her bank and refuse to let me transfer it back to her and make me promise I'd go out and get a nice steak or something as a break from eating the less than stellar fare you can afford to stretch out for a month on food stamps.

Guess which parent I still talk to.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 22:57

Dirt Road Junglist: Oct 8, 2010; We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

BaronVonVaderham posted:

My father once called me to demand I take down a facebook post wherein I talked about how grateful I was that my food stamps kicked in and I could eat again.

No concern that I couldn't afford food and was about to end up homeless, the post just made him look bad to the rest of the family because my "failure" reflected on him (as did, I'm sure, his not helping in any way despite making over 200k a year between he and his new wife). I should be properly ashamed to have fallen so far and keep that poo poo to myself.

My mom, making almost nothing as a bank teller, would deposit money in my account at her bank and refuse to let me transfer it back to her and make me promise I'd go out and get a nice steak or something as a break from eating the less than stellar fare you can afford to stretch out for a month on food stamps.

Guess which parent I still talk to.

lol at the time I told my mom I kept having trouble getting to the representative who was holding up my food stamps application, and she screamed at me that no child of hers was going to be on FOOD STAMPS.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 23:33

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Not to interrupt serious chat, but:

trickybiscuits posted:

Recently, I invited them to come over for a Sunday dinner and it was planned like a week in advance. I rushed out to get a roast to put in the crock pot

This dinner was so important to her! that she forgot to put in the drat crock pot roast. Or maybe she had a roast in the crock pot for a week?

# ? Feb 29, 2020 03:35

Royal W: Jun 20, 2008

Antivehicular posted:

Not to interrupt serious chat, but:

This dinner was so important to her! that she forgot to put in the drat crock pot roast. Or maybe she had a roast in the crock pot for a week?

Extremely slow cooking.

Also, if you don't boil all your food into an unrecognizable mass and then salt the poo poo out of it for flavor, they take away your AARP card.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 04:38

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Wicker Man posted:

It can be so painful to bring up past neglect or failings from your parents. Even when handled gently and with tact, my mother had a "I consider the past to be in the past" mindset of not dwelling what happened and focusing on moving forward. Which sounds like a good thing, but at the same time no particular fault is ever directly addressed. It's all generalized with a roundabout statement of hoping that I can forgive her. My father tries to change the subject or make it all about him and his terrible childhood. Which he has told me over and over again growing up as a child riding with my dad, listening to him talk all about himself and his struggles while never being a part of my life or my interest or struggles.

I get either "I don't remember that so it didn't happen" or "that was a long time ago, get over it" a lot. Nothing mom did to damage our relationship either ever happened or still counts. It's loving gaslighting is what it is. gently caress that, if you broke my trust while I was in high school and haven't done anything to win it back since, I still don't trust you.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 05:13

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Your boiled mush had salt?

Lucky. We had the same box of iodized salt my entire childhood because we never used it.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 06:14

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Wicker Man posted:

It can be so painful to bring up past neglect or failings from your parents. Even when handled gently and with tact, my mother had a "I consider the past to be in the past" mindset of not dwelling what happened and focusing on moving forward. Which sounds like a good thing, but at the same time no particular fault is ever directly addressed. It's all generalized with a roundabout statement of hoping that I can forgive her. My father tries to change the subject or make it all about him and his terrible childhood. Which he has told me over and over again growing up as a child riding with my dad, listening to him talk all about himself and his struggles while never being a part of my life or my interest or struggles.

Of course they never consider that their children owe them a relationship because they raised them, which is also in the past.

And when their grown child drew a picture of "Mommy putting on her big pants" at age six, that insult never gets forgotten.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 06:28

Rockbear: Sep 11, 2001; Milady, 'tis the clobbering hour.

trickybiscuits posted:

Of course they never consider that their children owe them a relationship because they raised them, which is also in the past.

And when their grown child drew a picture of "Mommy putting on her big pants" at age six, that insult never gets forgotten.

When my ES Deklynne was 5, we were at a family gathering, and my sister suggested that we let all the kids play with crayons while the adults socialized. Innocent enough, I thought.

A half hour later, ES runs up to me and hands me a picture that he's drawn. It's a crude drawing of two persons, one peach colored and the other blue.

"Look, mommy, I drew you and Sonic!"

The words were like a dagger in my heart. It had been in the news all week. Sega had declared bankruptcy. And now, my ES was associating me with their mascot.

The message was obvious. "Mother, I see you as a failure. You will never be successful. Everything you do will fall to pieces. Shenmue is overrated."

The other adults in the room pretended not to notice this mortifying insult, out of politeness, but they all grew awkward and quiet. My ES looked at me, feigning confusion as my hot tears hit the paper.

I'll never forget the sinister look in his eyes as he said, "What's wrong, mommy? Don't you like Sonic?"

When ES ignores my texts and calls, when he sends back my gifts, I think back to that day. I should have known then that his heart was wicked. I should have had the strength to stand up for myself against his abusive, gaslighting behavior.

I know better now. I understand my worth. It's hard but I get better every day.

Thanks for listening, everyone. This message board has been such a good support system. Anyway, it's lent, so I gotta go fast.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 09:45

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

# ? Feb 29, 2020 13:01

Poo In An Alleyway: Feb 12, 2016

Rockbear posted:

When my ES Deklynne was 5, we were at a family gathering, and my sister suggested that we let all the kids play with crayons while the adults socialized. Innocent enough, I thought.

A half hour later, ES runs up to me and hands me a picture that he's drawn. It's a crude drawing of two persons, one peach colored and the other blue.

"Look, mommy, I drew you and Sonic!"

The words were like a dagger in my heart. It had been in the news all week. Sega had declared bankruptcy. And now, my ES was associating me with their mascot.

The message was obvious. "Mother, I see you as a failure. You will never be successful. Everything you do will fall to pieces. Shenmue is overrated."

The other adults in the room pretended not to notice this mortifying insult, out of politeness, but they all grew awkward and quiet. My ES looked at me, feigning confusion as my hot tears hit the paper.

I'll never forget the sinister look in his eyes as he said, "What's wrong, mommy? Don't you like Sonic?"

When ES ignores my texts and calls, when he sends back my gifts, I think back to that day. I should have known then that his heart was wicked. I should have had the strength to stand up for myself against his abusive, gaslighting behavior.

I know better now. I understand my worth. It's hard but I get better every day.

Thanks for listening, everyone. This message board has been such a good support system. Anyway, it's lent, so I gotta go fast.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR7jm-MU5Bk

# ? Feb 29, 2020 13:54

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Wicker Man posted:

It can be so painful to bring up past neglect or failings from your parents. Even when handled gently and with tact, my mother had a "I consider the past to be in the past" mindset of not dwelling what happened and focusing on moving forward. Which sounds like a good thing, but at the same time no particular fault is ever directly addressed. It's all generalized with a roundabout statement of hoping that I can forgive her. My father tries to change the subject or make it all about him and his terrible childhood. Which he has told me over and over again growing up as a child riding with my dad, listening to him talk all about himself and his struggles while never being a part of my life or my interest or struggles.

My father would tell me how lucky I have it that he doesn't beat the poo poo out of me the way his father would beat the poo poo out of him...while beating the poo poo out of me.

Here's a great example of how badly he screwed himself. My sister is twelve years older than me, and my father is her stepfather. So when my sister had two daughters and a son, my father decided they weren't real grandchildren because they're not blood, so he didn't really try with them and constantly complained that they were spoiled brats. There was one year where he faked an illness for every one of their birthday parties so he didn't have to go. He would always talk about the children I would have, and how great it would be to finally be a grandpa, as he would not allow my sister's kids to call him that. At one point he even told me he had something very important to discuss with me. He sat me down and said, "You need to promise, right now, that your kid will be a Yankee fan. And don't let [sister's husband] into the hospital because he'll try to put a Met hat on him." He was 100% serious.

Then I went no contact with my entire family in 2012, and my current spouse and I aren't having children anyway. So he wasted the last twenty-six years basically ignoring my sister's kids while waiting for "actual" grandchildren that never came to be and never will.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 14:06

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Rockbear posted:

When my ES Deklynne was 5, we were at a family gathering, and my sister suggested that we let all the kids play with crayons while the adults socialized. Innocent enough, I thought.

A half hour later, ES runs up to me and hands me a picture that he's drawn. It's a crude drawing of two persons, one peach colored and the other blue.

"Look, mommy, I drew you and Sonic!"

The words were like a dagger in my heart. It had been in the news all week. Sega had declared bankruptcy. And now, my ES was associating me with their mascot.

The message was obvious. "Mother, I see you as a failure. You will never be successful. Everything you do will fall to pieces. Shenmue is overrated."

The other adults in the room pretended not to notice this mortifying insult, out of politeness, but they all grew awkward and quiet. My ES looked at me, feigning confusion as my hot tears hit the paper.

I'll never forget the sinister look in his eyes as he said, "What's wrong, mommy? Don't you like Sonic?"

When ES ignores my texts and calls, when he sends back my gifts, I think back to that day. I should have known then that his heart was wicked. I should have had the strength to stand up for myself against his abusive, gaslighting behavior.

I know better now. I understand my worth. It's hard but I get better every day.

Thanks for listening, everyone. This message board has been such a good support system. Anyway, it's lent, so I gotta go fast.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 14:29

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

I'm gonna feel dumb for asking, but what does ES stand for?

# ? Feb 29, 2020 14:48

Poo In An Alleyway: Feb 12, 2016

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

I'm gonna feel dumb for asking, but what does ES stand for?

Estranged Son. EC, when you inevitably encounter it in these posts, means Estranged Children which is an even bigger alarm bell.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 14:50

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Rockbear posted:

When my ES Deklynne was 5, we were at a family gathering, and my sister suggested that we let all the kids play with crayons while the adults socialized. Innocent enough, I thought.

A half hour later, ES runs up to me and hands me a picture that he's drawn. It's a crude drawing of two persons, one peach colored and the other blue.

"Look, mommy, I drew you and Sonic!"

The words were like a dagger in my heart. It had been in the news all week. Sega had declared bankruptcy. And now, my ES was associating me with their mascot.

The message was obvious. "Mother, I see you as a failure. You will never be successful. Everything you do will fall to pieces. Shenmue is overrated."

The other adults in the room pretended not to notice this mortifying insult, out of politeness, but they all grew awkward and quiet. My ES looked at me, feigning confusion as my hot tears hit the paper.

I'll never forget the sinister look in his eyes as he said, "What's wrong, mommy? Don't you like Sonic?"

When ES ignores my texts and calls, when he sends back my gifts, I think back to that day. I should have known then that his heart was wicked. I should have had the strength to stand up for myself against his abusive, gaslighting behavior.

I know better now. I understand my worth. It's hard but I get better every day.

Thanks for listening, everyone. This message board has been such a good support system. Anyway, it's lent, so I gotta go fast.

A clear reveal that Chris-Chan's mother is on Reddit

# ? Feb 29, 2020 15:30

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Rockbear posted:

When my ES Deklynne was 5, we were at a family gathering, and my sister suggested that we let all the kids play with crayons while the adults socialized. Innocent enough, I thought.

A half hour later, ES runs up to me and hands me a picture that he's drawn. It's a crude drawing of two persons, one peach colored and the other blue.

"Look, mommy, I drew you and Sonic!"

The words were like a dagger in my heart. It had been in the news all week. Sega had declared bankruptcy. And now, my ES was associating me with their mascot.

The message was obvious. "Mother, I see you as a failure. You will never be successful. Everything you do will fall to pieces. Shenmue is overrated."

The other adults in the room pretended not to notice this mortifying insult, out of politeness, but they all grew awkward and quiet. My ES looked at me, feigning confusion as my hot tears hit the paper.

I'll never forget the sinister look in his eyes as he said, "What's wrong, mommy? Don't you like Sonic?"

When ES ignores my texts and calls, when he sends back my gifts, I think back to that day. I should have known then that his heart was wicked. I should have had the strength to stand up for myself against his abusive, gaslighting behavior.

I know better now. I understand my worth. It's hard but I get better every day.

Thanks for listening, everyone. This message board has been such a good support system. Anyway, it's lent, so I gotta go fast.

I fuckin LOVE this holy poo poo. The only difference is I bought my mom fancy chocolates and it apparently meant I was telling her she was fat :laffo:

Flawless execution 10/10

# ? Feb 29, 2020 16:40

Poo In An Alleyway: Feb 12, 2016

Picnic Princess posted:

I fuckin LOVE this holy poo poo. The only difference is I bought my mom fancy chocolates and it apparently meant I was telling her she was fat

Flawless execution 10/10

I stopped putting any thought into gifts for my mother long ago because she is the re-gifter type. If I bought her something for Christmas or her birthday she'd give it to someone else for their birthday or Christmas. In 2006, her aunt bought her a lovely cameo pendant necklace as a thank-you gift for letting her and her husband stay with them for the holidays; on Christmas Day (2 days later) she gave it to me as a Christmas present.

This said two things to me:

1. She hated the necklace and pawned it off on me instead of just putting it away somewhere, and
2. She either couldn't have been bothered to get me a Christmas gift ahead of time or had forgotten about me and was too proud to admit it, so she just gave me the necklace in the hope that neither I or my aunt would notice (which we both did).

Poo In An Alleyway fucked around with this message at 17:58 on Feb 29, 2020

# ? Feb 29, 2020 16:52

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT: Oct 14, 2016; A thinking, breathing house? You're mad!

The phrase "what you need to understand..." is almost guaranteed to infuriate me because it's always employed in advance of some completely absurd justification for whatever vicious, selfish behaviour has been brought up.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 17:00

Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

Pope Corky the IX posted:

My father would tell me how lucky I have it that he doesn't beat the poo poo out of me the way his father would beat the poo poo out of him...while beating the poo poo out of me.

Here's a great example of how badly he screwed himself. My sister is twelve years older than me, and my father is her stepfather. So when my sister had two daughters and a son, my father decided they weren't real grandchildren because they're not blood, so he didn't really try with them and constantly complained that they were spoiled brats. There was one year where he faked an illness for every one of their birthday parties so he didn't have to go. He would always talk about the children I would have, and how great it would be to finally be a grandpa, as he would not allow my sister's kids to call him that. At one point he even told me he had something very important to discuss with me. He sat me down and said, "You need to promise, right now, that your kid will be a Yankee fan. And don't let [sister's husband] into the hospital because he'll try to put a Met hat on him." He was 100% serious.

Then I went no contact with my entire family in 2012, and my current spouse and I aren't having children anyway. So he wasted the last twenty-six years basically ignoring my sister's kids while waiting for "actual" grandchildren that never came to be and never will.

That's horrid, though he's probably going to have a light go off in his head right when his own health starts to get worse. There's always that chance you might suddenly start hearing from him later completely out of the blue which is always fun.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 18:08

Dirt Road Junglist: Oct 8, 2010; We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

Picnic Princess posted:

I fuckin LOVE this holy poo poo. The only difference is I bought my mom fancy chocolates and it apparently meant I was telling her she was fat

Flawless execution 10/10

You too, huh?

Yes, Mom, that�s exactly what my intent is. FFS.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 20:06

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

Picnic Princess posted:

I fuckin LOVE this holy poo poo. The only difference is I bought my mom fancy chocolates and it apparently meant I was telling her she was fat

Flawless execution 10/10

I try to get my (lovely) mum to eat more fancy chocolates because she's too thin. If your mum was skinny and had a complex about it I daresay she's have projected that motive onto you...

# ? Feb 29, 2020 21:47

ohnobugs: Feb 22, 2003

I wouldn't give them too much credit with motives, but they absolutely do project, because they are so thoroughly incapable of seeing the world through anyone else's eyes. They don't even see other people as people. No one else's pain or feelings are real. That's why they should be shot into the sun.

PooInAnAlleyway posted:

I stopped putting any thought into gifts for my mother long ago because she is the re-gifter type. If I bought her something for Christmas or her birthday she'd give it to someone else for their birthday or Christmas. In 2006, her aunt bought her a lovely cameo pendant necklace as a thank-you gift for letting her and her husband stay with them for the holidays; on Christmas Day (2 days later) she gave it to me as a Christmas present.

This said two things to me:

1. She hated the necklace and pawned it off on me instead of just putting it away somewhere, and
2. She either couldn't have been bothered to get me a Christmas gift ahead of time or had forgotten about me and was too proud to admit it, so she just gave me the necklace in the hope that neither I or my aunt would notice (which we both did).

Some narcissists thrive on spinning other people out. I would bet she was counting on the both of you to notice and also not call her out on it because it was a holiday, and you were guests in her home.

I had a different issue with gifts. My stepmother was always very competitive with me, so anytime my dad bought me something or did something nice for me, he had to do something better for her, or she'd give him a bunch of poo poo. Telling her to shut the gently caress up was never an option. When I got my first car my dad offered to buy me one of those kits with jumper cables for the trunk of my car, so we went to Costco or wherever and he bought two. One for me and one for her. She already had one in her car.

# ? Feb 29, 2020 23:54

Herstory Begins Now: Aug 5, 2003; SOME REALLY TEDIOUS DUMB SHIT THAT SUCKS ASS TO READ ->>

BaronVonVaderham posted:

My father once called me to demand I take down a facebook post wherein I talked about how grateful I was that my food stamps kicked in and I could eat again.

No concern that I couldn't afford food and was about to end up homeless, the post just made him look bad to the rest of the family because my "failure" reflected on him (as did, I'm sure, his not helping in any way despite making over 200k a year between he and his new wife). I should be properly ashamed to have fallen so far and keep that poo poo to myself.

My mom, making almost nothing as a bank teller, would deposit money in my account at her bank and refuse to let me transfer it back to her and make me promise I'd go out and get a nice steak or something as a break from eating the less than stellar fare you can afford to stretch out for a month on food stamps.

Guess which parent I still talk to.

I'm almost certainly not reading much of this thread because all this poo poo hits entirely too close to home,

but your mom sounds like a good person and imo you def made the best choice

# ? Mar 1, 2020 00:23

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Fatkraken posted:

I try to get my (lovely) mum to eat more fancy chocolates because she's too thin. If your mum was skinny and had a complex about it I daresay she's have projected that motive onto you...

Narcissists (and borderline people) can't deal with their own emotions so they project like crazy. What a great segue into what I wanted to share!

quote:

I don�t think there is much chance of my ES and ED ever making a connection with me. My ED told me one time that we just don�t connect. So hurtful but I believe she is right.

I have read about narcissist and I believe both of my EC are. My ex-husband and parents were also. I have a small family and everyone of them are. (2 EC, Mom and a sisternlaw)

I do have a good husband now but I married the first time a narc, (what I was use to). They have no empathy for anyone, they have the attitude of how wonderful they are and I am not.

My EC could care less about how I feel. I have asked them why we don�t hear from them but same excuse, they are always busy. They are not too busy to be with their friends or travel or go to bars (both alcoholic)

I know there is no use to feel sorry for myself with a crappy family. I know some of ya have it worse than I do after reading on this site. It is so unfair. But it is more unfair to let them cripple us. I want to have a good life in spite of them.

[Person], you help me get over me being jealous by looking at those who have it worse or other problems to deal with. But be glad if you have other children that are not like this, both of mine are.

They say there is no cure for narcissium, they don�t think there is anything wrong with them. So there you go. You cant fix anyone and make them caring. They did not care about me and I did not care about me but I am changing with all of your help to

trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 04:12 on Mar 1, 2020

# ? Mar 1, 2020 04:04

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Ah yes, narcissium, the densest element

# ? Mar 1, 2020 04:18

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Miss posted:

Ah yes, narcissium, the densest element

General Bullshit > Rejected Parents: Narcissisium is the Densest Element Imaginable

# ? Mar 1, 2020 04:42

Rockbear: Sep 11, 2001; Milady, 'tis the clobbering hour.

I've never claimed to be perfect, but sometimes the way that my ES treats me is just overwhelming and I can't help but react.

Yesterday ES and I were having our weekly Sunday lunch at Olive Garden, and maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I feel like I need to finally stand up for myself.

I said, "Sonic the Hedgehog did $40 million its opening weekend."

"Oh yeah? That's nice," my ES said.

I waited a few moments, and when he didn't say anything, I prompted "I think you owe somebody an apology."

"Uh, what?" He pretended to have no idea what I was talking about. Just like his father.

"You know, I've worked really hard to change, just like they changed Sonic to appeal to everyone. And everyone else is appreciating how Sonic changed, and spending all this money on him, and after what you did to me I would think you would at least compare me to Sonic now that it's a favorable comparison! But no! No, you just sit there!"

Again, pretending like I'm the problem. He just says, "Mom, you're scaring the baby."

So I finally stood up for myself! I stood up, put on my coat, and said "Shenmue's only sin was being ahead of its time, Deklynne!" And I walked out!

It felt so good to finally make them feel the way I've been feeling. No more getting walked over! I'm done with it! This is the new Karen!

# ? Mar 1, 2020 07:28

Less Is Definitely: Jan 10, 2012

trickybiscuits posted:

quote:
I have read about narcissist and I believe both of my EC are. My ex-husband and parents were also. I have a small family and everyone of them are. (2 EC, Mom and a sisternlaw)

Goddamn, the term �narcissist�, when used online, apparently means nothing more than �people whose behavior seems selfish to me�. We love to declare people insane, especially people we don�t like.

# ? Mar 1, 2020 07:53

Rockbear: Sep 11, 2001; Milady, 'tis the clobbering hour.

BTW, I won't keep making GBS threads the thread up with crazy parent fanfiction. I just took the kids to see the Sonic movie and couldn't resist a follow-up. :v:

# ? Mar 1, 2020 08:43

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Rockbear posted:

BTW, I won't keep making GBS threads the thread up with crazy parent fanfiction. I just took the kids to see the Sonic movie and couldn't resist a follow-up.

Don't stop.

# ? Mar 1, 2020 09:36

Buttcoin purse: Apr 24, 2014

Rockbear posted:

gotta go fast.

I did not see that coming

# ? Mar 1, 2020 10:31

Poo In An Alleyway: Feb 12, 2016

Rockbear posted:

I've never claimed to be perfect, but sometimes the way that my ES treats me is just overwhelming and I can't help but react.

Yesterday ES and I were having our weekly Sunday lunch at Olive Garden, and maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I feel like I need to finally stand up for myself.

I said, "Sonic the Hedgehog did $40 million its opening weekend."

"Oh yeah? That's nice," my ES said.

I waited a few moments, and when he didn't say anything, I prompted "I think you owe somebody an apology."

"Uh, what?" He pretended to have no idea what I was talking about. Just like his father.

"You know, I've worked really hard to change, just like they changed Sonic to appeal to everyone. And everyone else is appreciating how Sonic changed, and spending all this money on him, and after what you did to me I would think you would at least compare me to Sonic now that it's a favorable comparison! But no! No, you just sit there!"

Again, pretending like I'm the problem. He just says, "Mom, you're scaring the baby."

So I finally stood up for myself! I stood up, put on my coat, and said "Shenmue's only sin was being ahead of its time, Deklynne!" And I walked out!

It felt so good to finally make them feel the way I've been feeling. No more getting walked over! I'm done with it! This is the new Karen!

General Bullshit > Rejected Parents: Shenmue's only sin was being ahead of its time, Deklynne!

# ? Mar 1, 2020 14:28

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I've known enough broke-brained Sonic fans it wouldn't surprise me.

# ? Mar 1, 2020 14:35

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Less Is Definitely posted:

Goddamn, the term �narcissist�, when used online, apparently means nothing more than �people whose behavior seems selfish to me�. We love to declare people insane, especially people we don�t like.

Narcissism isn't "insanity."

But otherwise, yeah, for every person that uses the term correctly there are 5 people using it to mean "This person doesn't do what I want them to do!"

# ? Mar 1, 2020 15:02

Nastyman: Jul 11, 2007; There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away

Dienes posted:

Narcissism isn't "insanity."

But otherwise, yeah, for every person that uses the term correctly there are 5 people using it to mean "This person doesn't do what I want them to do!"

Narcissism is when you see your own reflection in a nearby pond and get so horny that you self-destruct from sexual frustration.

# ? Mar 1, 2020 15:55

Project M.A.M.I.L.: Apr 30, 2007; Older, balder, fatter...

It's like that saying if you meet one person in your day who was an arsehole then they were probably the arsehole, but if everyone you met was an arsehole, it's actually you who is the arsehole, or something.

My mum was a bit like that, she could never admit to being at fault for anything, no matter how small. It was always someone's fault and my god was it exhausting.

# ? Mar 1, 2020 21:23

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

This is interesting.

quote:

When this is moderated, please exclude if it does not seem appropriate. This has been on my mind for awhile and I thought of it has bothered me perhaps others might recognize their own discomfort and I hope this is helpful.

I won�t go into my situation with son and dil as you can look at my threads and posts. What I wanted to bring up is that I estranged from my family as an adult. Sometimes we have discussed here how some of us have cared for parents with whom we were not terribly close. We have talked about the way prior generations seemed to care more for their elders. I have been a bit afraid to be transparent on that issue for fear people might conclude there was a pattern and maybe that is why our son and dil estranged. I think there are likely connections but it is more complicated than simple cause and effect.

I grew up in a home in which I was abused by four men in my family over many years. My mother was partly to blame but she was a very damaged person too. I left home at 18. I left behind two younger half brothers and spent years trying to help them and my mother from a distance. Later my mother had another child � a girl. I found out my mother was continuing to visit her sister � who was married to one of those four abusers. I confronted her and she said my youngest brother would protect her. They were both just kids. It seems unbelievable now but children were put through hell when abuse cases were taken into court. I had no idea what to do.

I spoke to my sister and brother and explained exactly what to avoid and told them they could talk to me about anything anytime. As time went on, both my brothers became fractured drug dependent people. My sister died very young of cancer. All this time I kept staying engaged, helping them all financially at different times, visiting on holidays, remembering birthdays and Mother�s Day
As my sister�s illness progressed, the brother who was charged with protecting her unraveled. He became abusive toward me and others and threatened me with violence. The other brother was the same.

After the death of my sister, after lots of soul searching, I made the decision to estrange from my mother and brothers. I realized I had stayed engaged for many years out of some desire to continue to protect my siblings But it was pointless At that time I was in my late 50�s. Other than my sister, the rest of my family had openly ridiculed me and disrespected me for years. They had never once helped me through anything. The horror of my mother knowingly putting my sister in harm�s way was incomprehensible to me and I finally had to walk away.

So I did not take care of my mother in her later years. We helped when we could but I no longer felt I owed them anything. Looking back, I should have left at 18 and never been in contact with them again.

I think most people would understand the reasons for my estrangement. I know when our son and the Dil estranged it made me wonder if I really was an awful parent. I thought I must have been because why else would they do what they did. Truthfully, I thought I might die of grief when it all happened. But I keep coming back to this truth: I KNOW what monsters are � and I am not one. I have pity and compassion on the broken people in my family. Monsters don�t feel that.

So being transparent. Sometimes estrangement is necessary for survival. But I would bet money and win that the overwhelming majority of heartbroken parents coming to this site start out thinking they must be monsters and have done something horrific to have been estranged. We haven�t. Narcissists and monsters don�t come to this site looking for help. They don�t recognize they need help. I know because I have seen monsters up close. I don�t understand why so many young people make the choice to estrange so completely and often without real explanations. I am learning and understanding more every day by coming here and reading what people are saying. I am journaling and going through the workbook. Both help a lot. God bless you all for your honesty and transparency. I am not sure if what I have shared will be helpful or not Again it truly is OK if the moderators decide not to post it. I trust your wisdom.

So how do they respond when it's one of their own?

quote:

I�ve only just seen this post and wanted to reply. It seems to me that you had very good reasons for distancing yourself from your birth family � not at all like most of the AC we discuss here. I sympathise because for several years I too estranged myself from my parents, in order to protect my son from the risk of the kind of sexual attention from my father that I and my brother received.

When they were dying, I did go back and took over care of both of them, so we did get the chance to reconcile to a certain extent. It�s one of the ironies of life that I sacrificed my relationship with my parents to protect a son who now doesn�t appear to want a relationship with me � funny, eh?

quote:

bless you and all that you have lived through. I know that was hard for you to share and you certainly didn�t have to. I appreciate the fact that you did and I am sure it will greatly benefit others in the same situation. I don�t think I could have taken care of my mom had she allowed me to be abused. You are such a strong person and you have certainly overcome many things you did not deserve.

quote:

Face, what a beautifully written post and one that only furthers my understanding of estrangement. I�ve always said that if the family relationship was an abusive one, then it does become necessary to estrange from a harmful and abusive situation. That you managed to hang in for as long as you did, was remarkable and a reflection of the kind of person you are, thoughtful, caring and as you say, not a monster. You know only too well what that looks like and it�s not you.

Did I blame myself when my relationship with my daughter and former step daughter began to enter rough waters? No. Oddly enough, blame wasn�t part of my thinking but something was causing me to walk on eggshells with them, insecurity, not necessarily as a reflection on who I was but who they saw me as. I spent many unsettling years with those two girls. As I�ve said here before, I often felt like one of my plucked chickens in my hen house with two other hens chasing me to pluck another feather from my already near naked body. Chickens will eventually kill a weaker chicken. Not a nice thing to see but it underscores how the weak can be driven to near-death in the human race. Abuse is an awful thing and it takes many forms.

OP's response posted:

Thank you all for your supportive responses. Your shared stories mean a lot to me and I know to others as well. It is ironic and so sad that we tried so hard to find some way to stay connected to sad, sick undeserving people from whom we should have received better care and love. We survived that (with lots of plucked feathers) and then are faced with the loss of relationship with our children who we all wanted so very much to grow up safe and loved. Live is so very hard to understand. I appreciate you all more than I can ever adequately express. You give me hope and courage.

Some day one of them will get it. Someday.

No, probably not.

# ? Mar 1, 2020 22:18

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Rockbear posted:

BTW, I won't keep making GBS threads the thread up with crazy parent fanfiction. I just took the kids to see the Sonic movie and couldn't resist a follow-up.

I would prefer if you could post more

# ? Mar 2, 2020 00:01

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 00:36

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

trickybiscuits posted:

This is interesting.

So how do they respond when it's one of their own?

Some day one of them will get it. Someday.

No, probably not.

I see this as a version of "the only moral abortion is my mistresses abortion" thing that Conservative Christian politicians do.

Insomuch as it is "I estranged from my parents for good, real and important reasons. My kids estranged from me because they are mean and disrespectful."

In an unrelated thought. How many of these parents just have kids that they aren't particularly close with? As in, for all the performative wailing about estrangement and cruelty the parent does, the kid just goes, "yeah, I'm not really that close with my mum. I see her at Christmas, but that's about it. I hold her and my family no ill will, it's just the way things are." and is oblivious to the 'pain' they are inflicting.

# ? Mar 2, 2020 03:04

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Rejected Parents: if you can't figure it out you don't deserve a blog

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