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What did everyone think of "Christmas Chronicles" on netflix, with Kurt Russel as Santa? My friend hated it but my family and I thought it was a lot of fun.
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Dec 7, 2019 14:31
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 14:51 |
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My brother got me "The Hebrew Hammer" for my birthday a few weeks ago. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hebrew_Hammer Haven't had a chance to watch it yet. I'm going to try for next weekend. Whats it like?
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Dec 8, 2019 01:52
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The best joke is in the first 45 seconds then you can turn it off.
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Dec 8, 2019 17:04
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Eegah is out on Blu-ray and the colours are AMAZING.
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Dec 11, 2019 05:10
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Special shout-out to Santa's Boot Camp (2016), a film in which Santa's elves go on strike to protest poor working conditions, Santa kidnaps a handful of children from Atlanta to serve as forced labor, a decorated military officer elf is used as enforcement when the kids engage in peaceful non-compliance, and surveillance culture and magical discipline are used to break the children's spirits until they voluntarily aid in the kidnapping of their own friends to serve as further forced labor. It's also repeatedly noted that Santa's elves didn't have vision and dental coverage in their insurance until last year's protest.
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Dec 15, 2019 02:16
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wesleywillis posted:My brother got me "The Hebrew Hammer" for my birthday a few weeks ago. Watched it last night. It was....... satisfactory.
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Dec 15, 2019 21:50
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Just watched Doom Annihilation. Yikes is all I can say.
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Dec 15, 2019 22:09
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Duckula posted:Just watched Doom Annihilation. Yikes is all I can say. I liked it.  It's a totally cromulent DTV action/horror thing, of a type we used to get all the time in the 90s and 00s but don't often nowadays, and it's a whole hell of a lot more faithful to the games than the 2005 Rock one was, which gave me a lot of goodwill for it (it feels like a fan film that got turned official at times).
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Dec 16, 2019 04:03
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I don't think I can coherently explain how bad "Faith of Our Fathers" was right now. I thought the God is Dead and Revelation Road movies were bad enough, but then there's this thing. Don't get me wrong those movies are awful, but at least they are in an endearing way that I can laugh at. Faith of our Fathers just annoys me. The premise is two people meet at the vietnam war memorial and kind of reminisce about their dads, who found jesus while slaughtering the vietnamese. here's my overall review: it's got stephen baldwin in it. That is literally the only positive thing I can say about it, and I don't even like stephen baldwin. why am i still paying for pureflix
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Jan 25, 2020 02:48
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Just like Jesus on the cross, you suffer so we don't have to.
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Jan 25, 2020 04:08
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I watched Movie 43 recently It's just atrocious in every single way Humor off base Eratic structure Unlikable characters Not even a story The whole thing felt like a tax write of for famous people to star in
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Jan 25, 2020 08:44
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Zonko_T.M. posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg_t3y3zoMQ I saw all five of them last year with some friends and overall it was an okay series. Nothing spectacular but it has its entertaining moments. Zonko_T.M. posted:On a similar note, but more fun, there's the 2000 Dungeons and Dragons movie! The third D&D movie, the book of vile evil, is probably the best one of them all because it's essentially The DMs first Evil campaign because it hits ALL the correct notes for it. You have someone playing a Paladin in disguise, players playing their first evil character in the most hammy way possible, that one guy who actually knows how to play one and also a abrupt ending as the DM just sorta drops the campaign. It's great.  Jestery posted:I watched "wolf warrior 2' the other night Wolf Warrior is essentially an American 80's action movie but made in China instead. Just swap out China for the US and you have exactly the same stuff almost beat to beat. Now speaking of Kevin Sorbo there is a particular movie I should mention. So way back in 82 there was a movie named The Sword and the Sorcerer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfpHtj9uxqg It's a pretty fun cheesy fantasy romp which is well worth a watch if you're into that. But it also ends with a mention that there would be a sequel named Tales of an Ancient Empire coming out soon. Which of course didn't happen because the film was a box office miss. Several years later, 2012 to be exact, Tales of an Ancient Empire was released. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy0WeYBOcEk And it so bad. I can think of only a handful of movies that I have seen that is worse than this one because it's a right mess. I think I would only rate Zaat worse than this one as the editing is weird and confusing, the acting is awful on all accounts and the plot is bad. You can find it on Youtube in full if you're so interested. Speaking of bad, but so bad it instantly turns around into good there is Beowulf from 1999 with Christopher Lambert. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63YvJnFtFhU This movie is so utterly corny and cheesy it's a treat to watch in my meaning. The final fight itself is so dumb.
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Jan 25, 2020 14:08
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My buddy asked me to get the 1994 Martin Short vehicle 'Clifford' on my Plex server. I'd never heard of it before, but apparently the then-40-year-old Short plays a 10 year-old boy. Anyway, this is from Roger Ebert's 0.5 star review from the time: Roger Ebert posted:A movie like this is a deep mystery. It asks the question: What went wrong? "Clifford" is not bad on the acting, directing or even writing levels. It fails on a deeper level still, the level of the underlying conception. Something about the material itself is profoundly not funny. Irredeemably not funny, so that it doesn't matter what the actors do, because they are in a movie that should never have been made. and later quote:'To return to the underlying causes for the movie's failure: What we have here is a suitable case for deep cinematic analysis. I'd love to hear a symposium of veteran producers, marketing guys and exhibitors discuss this film. It's not bad in any usual way. It's bad in a new way all its own. There is something extraterrestrial about it, as if it's based on the sense of humor of an alien race with a completely different relationship to the physical universe. The movie is so odd, it's almost worth seeing just because we'll never see anything like it again. I hope.' Imagined has a new favorite as of 03:06 on Feb 10, 2020 |
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Feb 10, 2020 03:01
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I just watched Monkey Shines for the first time, and it's terrrrrrible, and I loved every minute of it. It just makes no sense whatsoever, and it fully commits to it.
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Feb 10, 2020 14:29
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Imagined posted:My buddy asked me to get the 1994 Martin Short vehicle 'Clifford' on my Plex server. I'd never heard of it before, but apparently the then-40-year-old Short plays a 10 year-old boy. i love eberts reviews of bad movies so much. It's like he pinpoints the worst parts of film and then expertly uses them to cut down the whole thing like some kind of ninja
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Feb 10, 2020 14:47
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Imagined posted:My buddy asked me to get the 1994 Martin Short vehicle 'Clifford' on my Plex server. I'd never heard of it before, but apparently the then-40-year-old Short plays a 10 year-old boy. Am I misremembering things based on a handful of standout memories, or were there a rash of "weird, horrible child" movies in the 90s?
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Feb 10, 2020 14:57
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Pastry of the Year posted:Am I misremembering things based on a handful of standout memories, or were there a rash of "weird, horrible child" movies in the 90s? Problem Child had 2 sequels and a 2 season animated series.
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Feb 10, 2020 15:24
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Pastry of the Year posted:Am I misremembering things based on a handful of standout memories, or were there a rash of "weird, horrible child" movies in the 90s? There was "The 'Good' Son" with Macaulay Culkin. he wasn't good
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Feb 10, 2020 15:36
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Aphrodite posted:Problem Child had 2 sequels and a 2 season animated series. The Dennis the Menace film came out a couple of years after these, too. I rewatched Problem Child 2 recently after renting it as a kid (and adoring the grossout stuff). I figured it was bad, but I didn't anticipate just how uncomfortable it is. Lawanda's not much of a villain and Junior does some really, really sadistic stuff to people who haven't done more than be run-of-the-mill jerks.
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Feb 11, 2020 04:16
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Its been forever since I've seen it but isn't the premise of Problem Child just "Hey, this kid's an rear end in a top hat!"
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Feb 11, 2020 04:21
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egon_beeblebrox posted:I just watched Monkey Shines for the first time, and it's terrrrrrible, and I loved every minute of it. It just makes no sense whatsoever, and it fully commits to it. That movie bums me out because if George Romero didn’t commit to this, he would’ve ended up doing Pet Semetary.
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Feb 11, 2020 04:29
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muscles like this! posted:Its been forever since I've seen it but isn't the premise of Problem Child just "Hey, this kid's an rear end in a top hat!" Well, he's been returned 30 times what do you expect?
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Feb 11, 2020 04:29
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Pastry of the Year posted:Am I misremembering things based on a handful of standout memories, or were there a rash of "weird, horrible child" movies in the 90s? RC and Moon Pie posted:The Dennis the Menace film came out a couple of years after these, too. More along the lines of Clifford, this was also around the time that Jack with Robin Williams came out as well.
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Feb 11, 2020 06:02
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Zamboni Rodeo posted:More along the lines of Clifford, this was also around the time that Jack with Robin Williams came out as well. Don't forget Big.
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Feb 11, 2020 23:05
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I don't care how the movie shrugs it off as inconsequential and cartoonish but Kevin McCallister was straight up attempting to murder those thieves in Home Alones 1 & 2
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Feb 12, 2020 01:18
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I watched a documentary on Netflix about the making of Home Alone and most of the stunts were done for real. Like when the Pesci character slips on the front steps and lands on his back, the stuntman literally just launched himself up and back 
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Feb 13, 2020 23:29
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Zamboni Rodeo posted:More along the lines of Clifford, this was also around the time that Jack with Robin Williams came out as well. Jack is such a bizarre, repulsive movie. My "favorite" part may be the beginning, where the "Jack ages four times faster than normal" conceit is introduced when his mom's water breaks and she announces in a panic that she's only two months pregnant... despite looking obviously full-term. Did the character, or the writer, think that pregnant women get huge instantly and the baby just grows to fill the room available?
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Feb 15, 2020 06:59
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Antivehicular posted:Jack is such a bizarre, repulsive movie. My "favorite" part may be the beginning, where the "Jack ages four times faster than normal" conceit is introduced when his mom's water breaks and she announces in a panic that she's only two months pregnant... despite looking obviously full-term. Did the character, or the writer, think that pregnant women get huge instantly and the baby just grows to fill the room available? What about the part where Cosby lights a fart?
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Feb 15, 2020 13:25
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Imagine if you took the plot of the last star wars movie and combined it with star trek and blew all your budget on special effects, then remembered you had a 20 dollar bill that has been through the washer in your pocket and spent that to hire all the actors. That is how you get the latest excuse for me to waste 4 dollars on amazon, "Battle Star Wars". I love The Asylum so much. You really can't go wrong with any of their movies. Except, you know, if you're expecting to watch a good movie.
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Feb 23, 2020 01:57
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What the gently caress.was "The Snowman" I've never seen a movie be bad like that before
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Mar 9, 2020 00:24
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Jestery posted:What the gently caress.was "The Snowman" Very few reviews have ever made me want to watch a movie more than this one.
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Mar 9, 2020 00:29
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Jestery posted:What the gently caress.was "The Snowman" The director came out after it was released and said that they actually forgot to film like 20% of the script. Apparently the issue was that they didn't have a ton of time for filming and stuff just slipped through the cracks.
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Mar 9, 2020 00:32
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yeah I eat rear end posted:Very few reviews have ever made me want to watch a movie more than this one. Like, I have some degree of autism-esque social blindness and one of the reasons I like movies is that I can relax my active social processes rely on directorial and cinema language to inform me of character motivation or the feeling of a film The snowman so badly dropped the ball on this I just couldn't follow it at all The folding ideas video does a good job summing up the problems without spoiling anything major in the experience It's a hell of a ride and frustrating because it wants you to be amazed at it but it is lost up it's own rear end in a top hat
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Mar 9, 2020 01:55
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I mentioned this in the Boomer thread in GBS as one of the movies you're Evangelical boomer parents probably have for when their grandkids come over. The Buttercream Gang https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chmfOI6sTMo Cinema Snob did an episode about it and i watched it because it couldn't be that bad. It's basically "White Rural Christian Conservative persons worse nightmares the movie". The Buttcream gang, a group of tween boys who do good deeds in their super white town and solve problems like cats out of trees and old ladies across the street, is facing a problem, their leader has to move to the CITY. OH NO! So their leader annotates one of the other kids as the new leader and goes off to live in Sodom and Gamora. Things are pretty white for a while in the town, but then the former leader returns but because he lived in the City, he had to interact with non whites and joined a GANG. Hes now wearing Khakis and a flannel shirt! Oh no! So what does he do? He starts his own gang in the Town, but through friendship and sicking sweet moralizing, he's brought around. It's like so wholesome and boring, i cannot imagine any child actually enjoying it. And as I said, it mostly exists to feed into Evangelicals fears about cities and ethnic people. Another good one is Last Ounce of Courage, which somehow makes the first two Gods Not Dead movies look sane and reasonable. It's about a super cool mayor of some lovely small town rides around on a Harley with a full sized American flag hanging from it, or drives a classic ford pickup with a full sized American flag hanging from it. But apparently America is now an atheist hellhole and any kind of Christianity is illegal. The Mayor wants to put up a giant 10 Commandments up but the GOVERNMENT (as this is an Obama era film, so everyone in Government we see is Black) say's he can't. He might find the courage to defy the Government who doesn't want Christianity shoved it peoples faces. It's a shallow film with little message than standard Christian Persecution mythology to it. Jestery posted:What the gently caress.was "The Snowman" Mister Goon, you could have understood the movie, i gave you all the clues. Yea that's about all i understood about the movie too.
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Mar 10, 2020 01:40
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We were sent home with a copy of buttercream gang to watch in elementary school. It's loving lovely just as a movie
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Mar 10, 2020 05:57
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twistedmentat posted:The Buttcream gang I choose to believe this was intentional
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Mar 10, 2020 13:02
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Gort posted:I choose to believe this was intentional No, but it really does sound like gay porn. The Buttercream Gang XI : All Twink Boat Orgy
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Mar 10, 2020 22:51
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Nothing like limiting human contact during a pandemic to make me want to resurrect this thread because I just watched a bad movie. I looked through Netflix one day, and I couldn't believe my eyes. It can't be. Why would they have this? Don't they know it's awful? But I did it. I finally sat down and watched Battlefield Earth. I know a lot has been said about it, but it is aggressively awful. The worst offender really is the plot, but somehow every single other part of filmmaking in this movie just amplifies the awfulness. The acting is hammy, the production design is just nasty, and the movie is just really, really slow. It takes at least an hour before we get to the actual plot, and it's so bizarrely simple that it really doesn't match the scale of the movie. I'll give it two credits: one, there's an interesting idea that an alien occupation of Earth is a capitalist/colonialist one and not a strict military invasion like, say, Independence Day. Two: the first fifteen minutes of the movie are OK. Cheesy and ridiculous, sure, but they wouldn't be out of place with any other similar cheap sci-fi movie. That all changes once John Travolta shows up. My touchstone for enjoyable awful movies is The Room. How this movie differs from that is that Battlefield Earth is at least competently made by professionals and no one ego took over. The Room at least is awful in a way that is fascinating, in that it gives us an insight to the amazing world of Tommy Wiseau, and it's at least less ambitious in its production. Travolta, on the other hand, said that he wants Battlefield Earth to be the new Star Wars. Which is wrong on multiple levels, but the main one being that Star Wars' plot is at least internally consistent, and characters are fun to watch. Battlefield Earth has no joy. There's no central theme or reason why anyone would want to tell this specific story. At least if it had tried to be fun, it would've had some level of camp value. But it isn't even that. It's just dreary. Again, I know a lot has been said about this movie, how its plot falls apart at any basic level of critical thinking (most of the IMDb Goofs page lists plot holes. No, really), how it's almost all canted angles for no reason, how the actors somehow are in good enough aesthetically despite being "almost an extinct species," etc. If I was a real film critic, I would've been kicking myself for not taking notes, because there are so many moments. One last thing I'll say is that the scenes in Fort Knox (how invading aliens never discovered it at all) is that they at least learned from what officials said about its depiction in Goldfinger and made the individual stacks of gold smaller. I don't know why I noticed that, but I did. All in all, this wasn't a bad experience. I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to do this again next week, and with which movie. I found a few copies of various Siskel & Ebert worst of the year episodes on Youtube, and it's been putting me in the mood to do this again.
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Apr 19, 2020 03:54
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I remember at the time there were book readers going "no in the book the cavemen were highlanders, it was way better" as if putting them in kilts would have made then going Hup hup cake! and learning how to fly harriers in about a day better than the pilots in the past did better or at least make more sense. It also falls into that thing that ancient alien theorists always talk about how aliens came to earth for gold, because gold is valuable everywhere right?
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Apr 19, 2020 06:57
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Funny thing is that Cowboys and Aliens has the same premise. Battlefield Earth makes a lot more sense considering it was meant to be a Scientology vehicle and is based on a book that from all I've heard is even worse and even more tedious and boring, with the last half of the book literally being about the bureaucratic consequences. I'm vaguely remembered of Thor and how both movies get jokes made about how they use dutch angles all the time.
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Apr 19, 2020 07:21
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