El Padrino posted:

What ambiguity? Dumb teens thought it would be a good idea to become mothers at the same time so they can raise their kids together. Their mom's lovely parents forced her to marry the lovely person she chose as sperm donor cause WhAt WiLl PeOpLe ThInK and ended with them almost witnessing their mom getting murdered.

Splicer posted:

It potentially reads like they all deliberately got knocked up /by the same guy/. I want to believe that's obviously not the case but...

skewetoo posted:

I can't get over just how irreparably damaged growing up with them has left me. I mean, I could have been a completely different person. Instead I'm instilled with a litany of mental, emotional, and physical problems. I still can't get over it. It's such neverending and potent toxic poison.

PooInAnAlleyway posted:

It's honestly heartbreaking to think about this, even for a brief moment. You look around at others your age, or even older or younger people, and you see how relaxed and well-adjusted and not even slightly guarded or paranoid or internally self-destructive they've ended up being, all because the right people hosed each other, had them and then raised them to be normal functional adults with independent goals and concerns, rather than broken husks, and it loving hurts to think about all the possibilities that have been snuffed out of your life, all the people you could've been friends with, all the opportunities for travel or love or employment or education or just general fun that you've lost because your mother/father decided they were gonna have a kid for the sole purpose of having someone take care of them when they're a human raisin with even less to offer the planet than before.

quote:

DH got a long email last night from his other sister. I'll try to hit the highlights. Basically he's awful.

1. We waited 12 hours to tell them when our child was born. (Not true, maybe 4 hours?)

2. We used a doula instead of having family come to help. (Not sure that my in laws are lactation consultants or could help me figure out breast pump stuff.)

3. They aren't extended family, I married into their family, we didn't create our own.

4. We didn't let them come visit right away when they wanted baby snuggles. (We asked for 2 weeks to ourselves. His sister financially could only make one visit to the state last year, chose her birthday to come rather than wait until LO was born.)

5. We don't ask them for advice on our child. (He has messaged his mom about some minor medical stuff as she was a nurse)

6. His personality has changed since becoming a father and he doesn't have the same sense of humor. (We both dealt with some serious post partum anxiety after LO was born and got help from our doctors.)

7. We didn't tell them about the IVF or our struggles until after the fact. (His parents knew, as they were set to visit us the day I started shots.)

8. An article we sent them prior to her being born just going over the basics for visiting newborns, like wash your hands, don't overstay your welcome, don't kiss the baby was ridiculous and hurtful. (We are worried about ALL of those things with them.)

quote:

It was a rundown of my own IL's long-held grudges (going back decades) that was the last nail in the coffin for my DH. The absurdity of their grudges--like me spending too much time talking to my parents when DH (dear husband) and I hosted a meet-the-parents dinner for both sets--made him realize that my MIL, especially, had been bad mouthing us for 20 years.

In a nutshell, those grudge lists are confirmation that being *you* is not acceptable to them. There's really no getting past that. In a weird way, it was actually affirming to know that the attitude I felt (but DH (dear husband) didn't "see") for all those years wasn't in my head.

ElGroucho posted:

I sympathize with people with boomer-rear end parents, but I also assume anyone who uses all those stupid DD, DH acronyms on Reddit is a loving loser

Light Gun Man posted:

that'd be a hell of a conversation. hey can me and the gals come over later, and you'll knock us all up?

ElGroucho posted:

I sympathize with people with boomer-rear end parents, but I also assume anyone who uses all those stupid DD, DH acronyms on Reddit is a loving loser

ElGroucho posted:

I sympathize with people with boomer-rear end parents, but I also assume anyone who uses all those stupid DD, DH acronyms on Reddit is a loving loser

PooInAnAlleyway posted:

I personally prefer them because I'd hate for people to think of my mother as a mother in the way that smelly well-adjusted normal people mean it. Also calling her by her name humanises her when she's done nothing to deserve it.

AuntBuck posted:

Not so much when we're talking about support groups. I use similar abbreviations on these groups so I don't have to see an abuser's name.

Epitope posted:

God damnit dad, I could really use some dad advice, or some dad commiseration, or at lease be able to chat my father when i'm going through some poo poo, but I'm avoiding talking to you at all because what I don't need is someone to try to take charge of my life and judge my decisions.

quote:

Hi! I’m new to this forum, after going through the past year with nowhere to turn to be understood! Our oldest son rejected us just before Christmas 2016, and it came out of nowhere. There was silence for the first 4 months, with some knowledge of his hate-filled posts through family members who could see them. Over the next 4 months, a couple of vile emails were sent to us, and nothing since August. He is 31 and is angry about how we do not believe the same ideology as he has come to embrace, as well as demanding an apology from us for being who we are. He has no contact with any of the family, except occasionally his brother (they were so close until this). He lives with his girlfriend and has decided that he hates everything we stand for and how we raised him. Like other parents here, we did the very best we could and now regret raising him with the love and somewhat privileged lifestyle that we gave him.

Foam Monkey posted:

I found this on /r/regretfulparents and holy poo poo.

i am harry posted:

Hey I'm a dad if you need some dadly advice.

Samuel L. ACKSYN posted:

I cooked a cake today
to see if I can eat
I focus on the kids
the ones I'll never meet

trickybiscuits posted:

"I regret raising my son with love." Jesus.

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

Biodad sounds like a crap superhero.

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

Biodad sounds like a crap superhero.

Cowman posted:

Here's a little heartbreak I had a few weeks back. Step-Daughter had to go to her biodad's house and immediately wanted to come home because her step-brother had lice. Biodad wasn't having it. I told her if she really wanted to come home she just had to stand up for herself. Eventually biodad relented and told us to come get her. On the way there kid's texting me and one of the things she said was that he never cared about her before why is he pretending now?

She didn't get lice at least. She's also started calling me dad which is a pretty good feeling. I really wish she'd talk to her therapist about this stuff so we could get something in writing and get full custody but she just doesn't yet. I know I can't force her and I'm not but drat sometimes I wish I could.

trickybiscuits posted:

Oh, we got another one. All one paragraph but I broke it up for readability.

quote:

Well I made that phone call to my ES and left him a message. He returned my call and I told him I needed to see him. I had something to tell him and that there were questions I needed to ask him and only he had the answers. He kept asking if his dad was alright. I said yes, he was fine.

At first, he said he would stop by after work. That same night I got a phone call saying he didn’t want to come because it was going to be his father and I against him. He kept on harping for me to tell him on the phone what was wrong and he was becoming his usual abusive self. Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer so I told him I had cancer and had two lung surgeries. I ended the conversation with okay if you don”t want to come fine. You treated me like crap your entire life but if something happens to me don’t even try to come to the funeral. You will not make a mockery of me in death!

Next day the doorbell rings and he appears. He spent about 5 hours with us. There was no arguing, I just asked him how did we reach this point. We were a close family. There is not enough space to write all the questions I asked him which he had no defense for and any explanation he gave held no water and was utter nonsense.

I brought up things that happened over 25 years ago. He never once looked me in the eye when responding and just kept his head down.

DIL kept texting him after awhile. You would think she would leave him alone as he hasn’t seen his parents in 6 years.

He was a gentleman when he was with us and I did see a hint of the person he was. There was no arguing and I can tell you that he will be 49 years old and this is the first time we really talked.

He works a second job so his follow up calls would be made from there so I am guessing it is done so that his wife is not around and he can talk more freely.

DIL never called me, never even sent a message through him to say tell your mom I hope she’s feeling better. Very telling of the type of person she is. She is just toxic and evil and gets her jollies from being cruel.

If we call him when he is on his second job, he’ll pick up the phone and it’s always “I was going to call you later.” Yeah, right! Like I was born yesterday.

I told him in our last conversation that his uncle is very sick and it looks like he is on his last journey here on earth. My aunt and uncle have no children and I’v spent the entire week making phone calls to try and get them the help that they so need. My uncle now has gone into full blown alzheimer’s amongst other serious health issues. They are in their late eighties and have no children. ES was working his second job tonight and made no phone call to us. How do you not call and check on your elderly parents and knowing how sick I am and his uncle who he claims was always someone he could talk to.

I know I’m rambling on and I am sorry for that. I should have known a leopard never changes his spots. I should have known better than to reach out. I’ve read many stories here on this forum that just broke my heart when one of the parents got sick and a call was made to the EC. These EC are really into themselves and care only for themselves. They have hearts with no emotions! Thank you everyone for listening to me. This is is only place where I can truly bear my soul.

quote:

My son will not allow us to see our grandchildren unless his wife gives permission. My gd is now 16 years old but many years ago when she was about 2 he brought her over to our home to visit and his words were “My wife is not happy when I bring her here.” That was the last time we saw her until she was 5 years old. I don’t ask to see my gc because I don’t want to cause any problems with he and his wife. She has a control over him that I just don’t understand. This weekend I am going to place a call to him when he is on his second job. He is a security guard in a cemetery so there is no one there to bother him (LOL) and I am very gently going to ask him as to what;s going on as I know he is starting to withdraw from us. I don’t for minute believe he will tell me the truth, but I am sure his wife is giving him grief and if he is at all honest and says that this is the situation then I will gently and kindly tell him I wish he and his family well, but no worries his father and I will not call him anymore. I need closure. Whatever few years I have in this life I want to enjoy and move forward. My husband and I don’t have the energy to buy another ticket to board the emotional roller coaster ride. This will be his decision and whatever he decides, it will be on his head. I tried my best to make things right but if for whatever reason he doesn’t want it, I have no control over it. You are no by means being intrusive by asking. We are all here to help one another and learn from each other.

quote:

He spent about 5 hours with us. There was no arguing, I just asked him how did we reach this point. We were a close family. There is not enough space to write all the questions I asked him which he had no defense for and any explanation he gave held no water and was utter nonsense.

I brought up things that happened over 25 years ago. He never once looked me in the eye when responding and just kept his head down.

trickybiscuits posted:

Is "not understanding human interaction at all" a feature of pathological narcissism?

trickybiscuits posted:

Cowman posted:

She's also started calling me dad which is a pretty good feeling..

Pope Corky the IX posted:

One of my favorite recurring bits is "my estranged child was here for five hours, I asked them hundreds of questions during that time and they didn't have an answer for anything"

loving seriously? Just try to picture that, it's beyond absurd.

Dienes posted:

More specifically, they bombarded him with accusatory questions for 5 hours, but dismissed all his answers. Which is super convenient, because that means they must be right and don't need to reflect on their behavior or change in any way!

Clitch posted:

Is "not understanding human interaction at all" a feature of pathological narcissism?

quote:

The absurdity of the accusations ….saw an advice column where a mom complained that grandma sneaked the kids sweets. Others could put their opinion in. Seems she was to DEMAND that grandma follow her rules while she babysat for free. Bitter judgements because of..a cookie?? Free daycare w love and a cookie is like you committed murder in the daughters viewpoint. I see this in my life and others dealing w estrangement. Minor issues are major and worthy of them hating me in their eyes. No matter how careful l was they would explode w rage and hate. It was and is bizaare. Its not something you can apologize for and move on. They accept no apologies. The accusations are crazy most of the time.