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PurpleXVI posted:Never trust a clown or an Englishman. But I repeat myself.
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Apr 24, 2020 19:18
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Ramc posted:how will the two sides tell each other apart????/?/ one side has incredibly stupid hats, the other side has incredibly stupid shoes
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Apr 24, 2020 20:34
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President Ark posted:incredibly stupid shoes Mods?
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Apr 24, 2020 22:32
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Technowolf posted:Mods? Pie in the face or accuracy of 18th century armaments?
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Apr 25, 2020 16:38
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I'm just going to say that gonadic is absolutely right that I needed to attack earlier than I did (i probably could have ten turns before i did, not even five) and leave it at that. Knowing when to attack is one of the most difficult and most important decisions to successful Dominions 5 play.
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Apr 29, 2020 03:15
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Turn 43 Let's start with some news from discord! Chasos is having fun it seems quote:BaronOhShi: So theres a good Luck even thats supposed to give me a free commander I make the noises that somebody fighting a bigger opponent makes (note: this game is mods 3) quote:gonadic io: okay, accepting all gems and gold if anybody wants to help my defensive war vs the clear leader of the game And we have news on U's invasion of Iram! Hmm that's a lot of feet.  That's a LOT of feet! And both nations' gods - U's god causes all friendly units to start the battle blessed, even nonsacred ones and even outside dominion. It's good. U's bless is twist fate and 10 strength.  Let's see what Iram has to say about this loss quote:crystal green samog: very balanced nation Oof. Right back to us. The war is well and truly underway at this point.  First off there's Anglia's raiding forces. There's two ghoul attacks that are caused by the ritual Arouse Hunger which is only 8 death gems and requires a death 3 mage. Due to my luck scales I have been skipping on province defence so most casts of Arouse Hunger will look like they did in Saquenay's Vista, province 1 on the image above:   Next is province 2, Greevil's Bog. This is where we recruit lizard shaman, at least when they don't get ganked. But it turns out that I had actually remembered to put a little PD in this one! Ghouls are real bad. No I'm not going to buy more PD elsewhere this turn why do you ask? I'm spending all my money on enormous cap-only clowns.   In province 3, Divine Hills, the boat force continues to sail around. I would not be at all surprised if this force immediately headed to fight the lizards and I don't really have forces I want to commit to stopping it. We'll move the lizard shaman to safety at least.  Here you see our main front.  In province 1, Bloax Laboratories, the main army moves forward. It's just the same lot we saw last turn.  In province 2, Overblessed Abbey, that secondary force seems to have become...a lot more secondary. A single mage with some earth elementals did indeed chase off the very last of our atlanteans but like we saw with our water elementals this could easily have been a loss if the wrong unit had decided that they'd rather fight the human instead of the giant elemental.  In the image above I marked the movement paths from the different provinces so it's clear what's going on. The way that movement works in dominions is when armies are regular moving (which these armies are) then movement is resolved before battles are fought. So if an enemy army moves away and you move onto their province, you will never fight them. If you want to force an engagement then you have to predict their movement or both be moving right at each other. My forces move back in defence of my cap. If Anglia's army moves north west we'll get a big battle, and if they move south west then I'll have time to move back onto my cap to protect it. I can't really go on the offensive against Anglia until I've dealt with this army, although at this point I'm thinking about raiding options and have Esteban doing some forging. He's got good magic paths okay! I do also send a mage and 6 enormous clowns up to the lizard province to try and catch that drat boat. Over on the western front, and I should note that Karanaac's god is still sieging his old capital, breaking mantis siege number one goes about as well as it could with really few losses. Bless, buffs, a bunch of lightning, and a cavalcade of giant boots - you know the drill.  Also apparently Karanaac managed to scrape enough money together to hire some mercenaries?  Right this force is off to go break the other mantis siege, and then we can go straight to their cap and finish them off once and for all! They have no underwater provinces so none of this hanging around forever like the rocks are doing. At this point I haven't really grasped just how badly these forces are needed to fight Anglia with.  Finally now that our god is in where we want it to be, it's time to cast another of our powerful national spells! That's right it's  Time to hold a unijoust tournament! We actually unlocked this spell a while ago but I didn't really have much need for a dozen or so unicyclists. However 1) it's cheaper to cast thanks to the steel ovens helping to forge more unicycles and 2) it gives you a bunch of events with funny text over the next few turns and I mostly just wanted to see it in action. Next turn we'll cast a different national spell, the good one I promise!
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May 3, 2020 00:25
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hell yes unijoust
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May 3, 2020 02:18
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I like how the description for the UniJoust Tournament is almost purely fluff and no actual description of what precisely it does.
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May 3, 2020 09:36
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dominions dot text
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May 3, 2020 11:25
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Turn 44 Ah gently caress I failed to save the turn again. I'll just have to reconstruct it from previous ones. It's been about 10 turns since Kitfox last lost an army to a throne so it's time for them to try again!  Well, oh dear. I look forward to their next attempt in another 10 turns or so! If you remember from last turn, we were worried about that sailing force attacking the lizard province (at the top left in the screenshot) next as it's a weak target and a valuable source of nature mages. In order to protect it we moved just 5 enormous clowns, one turn of recruitment, in and the trap worked! We killed the whole force and lost only a single clown in the process. Scratch one magical pocket-ship! Sadly we didn't pick it up. Anglia's remote ghoul attacks start reaching out further and further, with two more provinces this turn including the crucial connecting candle itself. This time I do actually cut back on clown college dues for one month and pump up to 6 PD in all provinces that Anglia can reach.  Since last turn, Anglia's army went southwest and chose not to risk a fight outside of my cap. Given their reluctance to actually fight I think they're still not going to go onto my cap and will instead look to quickly take out the fort in Jessinka's Oasis. Thanks to our big ol' feet, clowns can get march over the cap and get there in a single turn. We use the move-and-patrol order so that we actually protect the fort instead of hunkering inside.  We finished some early alteration research which gives us mistform - a personal buff that reduces all non-magical incoming damage to max 1 point. It craps out if hit with any magic or on ~1% of hits (which can really screw you) or on a particularly strong hit, but it's fairly good at making air mages reasonably immune to PD hits. Weirdo The Unthinkable here is loaded up with the gear that we've been sinking our death gems into instead of making Dark Clowns, and is set to teleport into Anglia's lands. Time to get some raiding done ourselves! His script is air shield to beat bullets, mistform, some clown buffs, and finally astral shield and he should be able to easily clean up infinite numbers of militiamen.  Not much has happened in the mantis lands, our big triumphant force moved next to the throne and will attack this turn. The unicyclist jousting tournament has started! It gives double tax and 50 gold a turn, and costs 1 pearl per turn to extend, so seems like a pretty efficient way of turning pearls into a bit of gold - you usually get 15-20 gold per gem spent when you dump earth or fire gems into it. Plus you get these great events (please ignore the seamless editing of the incorrect province name):     Finally, finally, we cast the best spell that clowns have. It's SO good. Bongo is an incredibly strong caster and gives us a bunch of access to magic that we didn't have previously while being a great fighter too. If you read no other screenshotted words in the whole lp, please, read these words. 
gonadic io fucked around with this message at 09:59 on May 13, 2020 |
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May 9, 2020 13:55
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I am excited to see Bongo.
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May 9, 2020 14:03
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Was... Was that "The Aristocrats" joke?
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May 9, 2020 14:11
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The joke is explaining the joke
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May 9, 2020 14:11
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that is legitimately very funny
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May 9, 2020 14:25
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GunnerJ posted:The joke is explaining the joke  I love this so much
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May 9, 2020 14:28
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GunnerJ posted:The joke is explaining the joke 
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May 9, 2020 14:31
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That spell description belongs in a museum.
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May 9, 2020 15:09
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It reallly is very well constructed.
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May 9, 2020 15:12
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Oh, that is amazing
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May 9, 2020 15:12
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my dad posted:
It also seems like it's describing itself: framed as an in-game spell, but reframed as a joke, its tone matches a dry description of a game effect but you can tell its going somewhere else, except it's got this long middle period of description that kind lulls you along looking for detail on what it does, then by the time you kinda get a feel for how ludicrous it is, it ends with that last line that both refers back to the premise of making a joke and is a jarring shift from the tone of the rest of the text, in short: Ramc posted:That spell description belongs in a museum. clown mod good
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May 9, 2020 15:14
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GunnerJ posted:It also seems like it's describing itself: framed as an in-game spell, but reframed as a joke, its tone matches a dry description of a game effect but you can tell its going somewhere else, except it's got this long middle period of description that kind lulls you along looking for detail on what it does, then by the time you kinda get a feel for how ludicrous it is, it ends with that last line that both refers back to the premise of making a joke and is a jarring shift from the tone of the rest of the text, in short: welcome to the 'dawning' phase
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May 9, 2020 15:29
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 loving hell. I could hear my thought process getting whiplash while reading this. I don't think it's particularly funny but it's a goddamn great Joke, if I'm making sense?
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May 9, 2020 16:55
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It’s worthy of Adam Douglas
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May 9, 2020 17:00
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He once was an honest guy but he ain't no hitchhiker.
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May 9, 2020 17:03
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Now that is someone who understands humor. No wonder Bongo the Great would find it funny.
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May 10, 2020 00:30
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i remain in the excruciating middle e: the writing in this mod is genuinely amazing
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May 10, 2020 01:16
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gonadic io posted:Anyway as you can tell it's very funny. Jesus, this is like the Abbey Road of mods. Did you pick this one for the writing, or did we just get incredibly lucky?
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May 13, 2020 03:07
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Araganzar posted:Jesus, this is like the Abbey Road of mods. Did you pick this one for the writing, or did we just get incredibly lucky? I picked it because it's a great mod!
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May 13, 2020 11:37
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Talking of, in lieu of a proper update just yet, it's time for another instalment of Jokes Not Told! This time let's look at the Gigantic Clown Head  The gigantic clown head is a great expander with large amounts of HP, good natural protection, a good path, and it even swallows everything it tramples. It's pretty hard to get this killed early (although certainly possible if you get unlucky) and chaos power 2 and flying means that even in the midgame it's a terrifying combatant and will happily use Cloud Trapeze to swoop into backlines (preferably against enemies with turmoil). However like most expanders it's not cheap to start with, and with only 1 path and a whopping 80 points to get a second (a third is right out), it leaves you with a pretty weak bless. Options would be thunder weapons, or thunder weapons and fire/shock resistance, or just swiftness (with or without regeneration), that kind of thing. I mostly decided against using the Gigantic Clown Head for two reasons: 1) with the right bless and with the buffs, clowns already expand really well! I mean turning "really well" into "exceptionally well" is certainly nice but it's a lower priority than on nations that just have total poo poo expansion and can't get off the ground without an expander. 2) Rocks. Without magic and fire resistance and magic weapons on the bless, even enormous clowns struggle against rocks. The nation of Kirkostaculis themselves aren't so bad because magic duel/soul slay goes a long way but I didn't want to be weak to rocks until that point. All in all if early expansion is what you want then the Gigantic Clown Head is an extremely good choice. 
gonadic io fucked around with this message at 16:32 on May 13, 2020 |
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May 13, 2020 11:51
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gonadic io posted:chaos power 2 and flying
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May 13, 2020 15:19
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Jesus loving Christ
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May 13, 2020 16:11
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May 13, 2020 16:22
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omnomnomnomnom
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May 13, 2020 16:22
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There are weirder ways for a militiaman to die, presumably, but I can't think of one.
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May 14, 2020 19:03
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Ramc posted:There are weirder ways for a militiaman to die, presumably, but I can't think of one. Gnawed to death by sentient housecats?
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May 16, 2020 00:17
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Any old militiaman can die in their home and have their body gnawed by cats. I was going to say old age was the least weird earlier but then I remembered Burden of Time is real.
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May 16, 2020 23:28
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i think it'd be weirder for a militiaman to die to an agarthan, as it indicates the agarthan was able to successfully hit
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May 17, 2020 14:40
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Turn 45 Welcome to turn 45 of this dominions let's play and we're going to start by reviewing the scripting of every one of our 50 mages. First, sitting in mantis lands, we have--wait what's that? Who's back?  That's right it's the oldest clown of all, Bongo the Great! He's back! He's finally back! Joaquin Phoenix's Oscar, hard at work in Fallen of Coax, successfully created a new type of joke!  Bongo is going to lead the nation of Kirkostaculis to greatness. We will refrain from making use of Evil Clowning for now since our powerful summon sitting around blood hunting would not be very funny at all. The first thing that Bongo is going to do is to kill Karanaac's pretender again, via this province that suffered an indie attack. His clown-forged equipment won't be ready for a few turns yet, which he'll then use to fight off the Brits.  Only one ritual attack this turn, in which I learn that 6 PD is generally NOT enough if they're the poo poo variety. Fine we'll up it to 10 then.  The other unfortunate thing for me here is that this is not a one-shot attack spell. The ghoul troops and their ghoulish commander stick around and can then move to attack other provinces too. This is getting out of hand! Jaguar warriors of course don't suffice to fend off the attack but the   There's another ritual attack this turn however and it's Weirdo The Unthinkable who swoops over the front lines into Anglian lands! As predicted (and I would really hope so given the amount of gems he has on him) Weirdo effortlessly dispatches a smallish force even driving off the mages too!  Unlike ghouls, it's going to take significantly more effort for Anglia to drive off Weirdo here. He is going to triumphantly move forward into Anglian lands, or we would have except--  Ah, it seems he's needed back home after all. Anglia did not delay any longer and instead went straight for the throat by charging onto my capital. They even followed it up with a cast of Crumble to damage the walls of Kirkostaculis. The falling debris, often lethal to humans, couldn't kill any enlarged clowns (or lizards) of course but it does mean that Anglia will be able to storm next turn.  This is it, this is the battle for Kirkostaculis. If we lose this then I wouldn't say that we've immediately lost the game but we effectively would have. A lost cap is usually time for a player to go AI unless they would be able to take it back very shortly, and if we lose this fight we would not be able to (although of course I would continue to fight until the end for the LP's sake). Accordingly, everybody who can make it is coming home for this one. Even Weirdo is going to abort his raid and return home. It's worth noting that since most of our forces were caught outside of the capital we are going to have to break this siege in order to fight together, we can't let Anglia actually storm. This means that anybody using magical movement to arrive in Kirkostaculis would not actually participate in the fight. If Anglia had not cast Crumble then the walls would have lasted another turn and at least Bongo would have been able to teleport then fight. Joaquin Phoenix's Oscar, being a statue, can't break siege (or storm forts for that matter) and so would only be able to defend Kirkostaculis in the keep storming battle. Anyway we have about 50 enormous clowns and a smattering of other troops, and then all our researchers are breaking the siege too. Even Esteban (urgh) and Diana, who I didn't think would be able to leave the castle but I suppose somebody is giving her a hand (as it were). Our script is to cast Storm (just in case Anglia doesn't bring their storm staff) and Arrow Fend, then a LOT of Thunder Strikes, skeletons, astral evocations, clown buffs, nature buffs (battlefield-wide reinvigoration with Relief), resistance buffs, and then a lot of casts of ethereality too. Even Heat From Hell which will fatigue anybody not hit by the fire resistance buffs. Esteban is not allowed to join the communion and so will be spamming Shadow Blast, a death evocation. I just hope he doesn't do too much friendly fire because that will lead to protests from the affected clown and then a bunch of whining from Esteban about how it was just a joke and everybody is so sensitive these days and he didn't mean to murder a colleague. "I'm sorry you couldn't handle it" he might say. Nobody wants that.  Anglian forces do also cut off another source of potential reinforcements by sieging our cave throne that used to be Fennoscandia's, many turns ago. It's not a huge force and should we win in Kirkostaculis then we'll probably be able to clean it up without massive amounts of difficulty. Should we lose in Kirkostaculis, well, we'd have bigger problems anyway.   In other, less pressing, news we do indeed kill all the mantises sitting on our other cave throne over on the boring side of the world.  Just look at all these clowns that could be instead defending their capital!  These battles are always over incredibly quickly with the mantis frontline getting stunned by several thunder strikes and then getting just mulched by the power of clowns in turmoil. Even the small ones have 26 strength and 3 attacks!  Now triumphant, the clown force here mostly moves towards the mantis capital to end the bug threat once and for all, while a few mages go to clear up some ghouls. Unfortunately they would not be able to get to Kirkostaculis in time and the sooner the bugs are cleaned up the sooner we can really start taking land from Anglia.  The jousting tournament finished, since we were just testing it the first time and didn't sink any extra resources into it. We got a jousting champion, who is sadly no Emerald Empaler, and he'll join Bongo.  We hit construction 6 this turn which is a massive milestone. Our mages (and god) gathered in the Steel Ovens immediately start making use of this by forging astral boosting hats, more research boosting items, water boosting bracers, and even the extremely expensive all-magic-boosting Ring of Wizardry! All in all the Steel Ovens probably "generated" us 20-30 gems this turn which demonstrates why it's one of the best sites in the game. Finally we get to see U take a throne. Due to the way that U works there's a few big spells cast at the start of the battle including Solar Eclipse (causing the battle to take place in the dark), and Echoes of Mu.  The darkness, fine, it's good vs humans but our bless has low light vision so I'm not too worried about that. Echoes of Mu though, autocast by U's pretender, is something else. It blesses all units on the battlefield, so the Dancers of the Foot get a significant power boost and are almost as strong as clowns!  When I said all units though, I mean ALL units. Even nonsacreds. It turns a worthless freespawn foot into a troop that's probably better than most generic human infantry. It's unarmoured, but will never rout and has 6 attacks a square.  Additionally there's also 14 Sophatos here too. We know that at least one is the solar eclipse caster but most of the rest spam Farstrike. This spell has a good range and deals 17 damage, plus strength.  How much strength do these mages have? They have 30. These 15+ mages will be slamming 50ish damage hits into enemies across the battlefield from the very first turn. gently caress. I'm just glad U doesn't have access to any flyers, and that they can only do this when their one pretender is present.  Anyway U are most certainly not our problem right now because we've got a show to put on in the centre of Kirkostaculis! One night only, special guest performers from Anglia. It'll be the performance of our lives! gonadic io fucked around with this message at 13:56 on May 18, 2020 |
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May 17, 2020 19:05
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Glad to see Bongo the Clown. Uh, try not to lose your cap, imo.
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May 17, 2020 19:18
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Ramc posted:Glad to see Bongo the Clown. Uh, try not to lose your cap, imo. 
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May 17, 2020 19:21
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