Schadenfreude: pro-click zone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abe1W1gGXy0

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Should there even be a poll here??? This poll is closed.
Yes	106	15.84%
No	117	17.49%
Goku	446	66.67%
Total:	669 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

Mauser: Dec 16, 2003; How did I even get here, son?!

My friend had a large family of renters that lived next to him for a bit and then the place was just vacant for a month or two by the time he started getting this wafting awful smell on occasion. We finally went over to their yard one day and found a trash can full of water and floating in the water were several animal carcasses just stewing in the 90° heat for weeks. My friend immediately threw up from the stench when I opened it. Didn't really bother me all that much as I worked on a farm for several years and I've definitely smelled that smell before.

# ? May 23, 2020 13:45

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 03:31

Randaconda: Jul 3, 2014; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

https://i.imgur.com/GGxdlwv.mp4

# ? May 23, 2020 14:12

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I don�t know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what I�m assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we weren�t the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that weren�t were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

�I�ve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worse�

After a day of professional cleanup the city didn�t blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

HugeGrossBurrito fucked around with this message at 14:22 on May 23, 2020

# ? May 23, 2020 14:20

Randaconda: Jul 3, 2014; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I don�t know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what I�m assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we weren�t the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that weren�t were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

�I�ve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worse�

After a day of professional cleanup the city didn�t blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

# ? May 23, 2020 14:28

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

That's the username/post combo of the year probably

# ? May 23, 2020 14:29

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I don�t know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what I�m assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we weren�t the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that weren�t were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

�I�ve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worse�

After a day of professional cleanup the city didn�t blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

dear god

# ? May 23, 2020 14:45

Scratch Monkey: Oct 25, 2010; 👰Proč bychom se netě�ili🥰kdy� n�m P�n Bůh🙌🏻zdrav� d�💪?

Drink the rat corpse wine, coward!

# ? May 23, 2020 14:52

gleebster: Dec 16, 2006; Only a howler; Pillbug

Fermented dead rat juice and dough? Sad thing is, you could call something Dead Rat Beer and it'd probably sell.

# ? May 23, 2020 14:54

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

gleebster posted:

Fermented dead rat juice and dough? Sad thing is, you could call something Dead Rat Beer and it'd probably sell.

Unfiltered Plague Haze

# ? May 23, 2020 15:22

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

Oof, that story really put me off my breakfast surstr�mming.

# ? May 23, 2020 15:24

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Do you want to spawn Nurgle? Because that's how you get a plague god!

# ? May 23, 2020 15:49

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Glad I finished my rat juice and breatfast dough before reading that

# ? May 23, 2020 15:49

Snowy: Oct 6, 2010; A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense

Is that the sarcophagus juice that everyone wanted to drink a little ways back?

# ? May 23, 2020 15:51

Randaconda: Jul 3, 2014; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

sip the forbidden soup

# ? May 23, 2020 15:55

PainterofCrap: Oct 17, 2002; hey bebe

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

Started breathing through my mouth when it was apparent it was a bakery dumpster unopened in ages.

I have smelled ten-day-old decomposing human. We didn't puke, but came close. On the other hand, we were prepared.

Still had to throw out the clothes I was wearing.

purple death ray posted:

That's the username/post combo of the year probably

# ? May 23, 2020 17:20

Field Mousepad: Mar 21, 2010; BAE

Cool I didn't feel like eating today anyways

# ? May 23, 2020 17:24

beanieson: Sep 25, 2008; I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av

Takes No Damage posted:

How is playing golf in your garage a thing? Like haha just open the door and go outside haha.

I really enjoyed this post

# ? May 23, 2020 17:36

Kennel: May 1, 2008; BAWWW-UNH!

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I don�t know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what I�m assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we weren�t the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that weren�t were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

�I�ve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worse�

After a day of professional cleanup the city didn�t blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

��/

# ? May 23, 2020 18:02

SubponticatePoster: Aug 9, 2004; Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.; Slippery Tilde

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

Back when I worked animal control we were serving a search warrant on a dogfighting compound. It was in the city but on the outskirts, really out in the middle of nowhere. There was this huge plywood-walled area where the dogs were kept, and then an old mobile home on the property. After waiting for like 4 hours to get the warrant telephonically we started going through the place. By the time we got it, it was dark. Dogs were easy enough: just unchain them, take pictures, log the details and then get them on the trucks. I think there were maybe 6 or 7 of them. The guy who owned the place was a notorious piece of poo poo who'd been popped for cruelty on several occasions but we'd never got him on the felony dogfighting charge. Just having dogs in an obvious setup like that wasn't necessarily enough to secure a conviction so we set out to search the trailer for more evidence.

It didn't have power itself, somebody had run an extension cord from a power pole. The only light in the place was in the kitchen area. It didn't have running water or anything. I was at the back, going through a bunch of poo poo in one of the bedrooms. This was in the early 2000s, so I had to seize all of these VHS tapes with labels like "SNOW WHITE" on them in case they'd recorded fights on them and home-recorded DVDs weren't really a thing at that point. Plus a bunch of notebooks and poo poo since it was too dark to read them. There were a bunch of cops wandering around. They were the ones who got the warrant and were making sure we didn't get shotgunned to death in case the owner or one of his lackeys showed up. From the kitchen area I hear one of them say "I wonder what's in here?" Then I hear my Lt. say NOOOOOOO like Vader in Revenge of the Sith. Then the clear sound of running footsteps and puking. About 10 seconds later the smell hit me. I blinked twice, shook my head, and went back to work because you get to be the champion of ignoring disgusting smells when you work AC.

Finally I went up front to see what the trouble was. There was a cooler on the kitchen table that the cop had opened. Inside there was a slurry of what used to be fish. We figured at some point someone went fishing, caught a bunch, threw them in the cooler and then brought it to the compound and forgot about it. No maggots as it had been sealed up pretty efficiently, but it was also summer so imagine what a 30qt cooler full of rotten fish glorp smells like. The cop opened it, the smell hit him in the face and you could follow the trail of vomit outside. Every other cop in and around the place was going like a fire hose. The noooooo from my Lt. was him trying to stop the cop from opening the cooler because he knew nothing good could come of it. We just shook our heads and went back to work in the effluvia. It's kind of hard to describe - the obvious stench of decay, but also this weird sharp kind of alkaline smell. We didn't bother closing the cooler since we figured the owner would have to come by some time and we wanted to leave him a surprise.

# ? May 23, 2020 18:13

Sirotan: Oct 17, 2006; Sirotan is a seal.

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

☠️🐀

Funniest poo poo I've read in a long time. Thank you for sharing this incredible story. Holy gently caress.

# ? May 23, 2020 18:19

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

gleebster posted:

Fermented dead rat juice and dough? Sad thing is, you could call something Dead Rat Beer and it'd probably sell.

Would Plague Beer be a stout or an IPA?

# ? May 23, 2020 18:45

sweet geek swag: Mar 29, 2006; Adjust lasers to FUN!

BOOTY-ADE posted:

Would Plague Beer be a stout or an IPA?

Well it sounds like it would taste better than your average IPA.

# ? May 23, 2020 18:46

CleverHans: Apr 25, 2011; Can't post for 8 years!

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I don�t know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what I�m assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we weren�t the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that weren�t were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

�I�ve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worse�

After a day of professional cleanup the city didn�t blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.