|
Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:There's no support for that. The only US agency with comprehensive information on Jesus is the private company called the NFL, they've got foot pictures of Jesus dating back two thousand years. Some of the pictures there are oil on his feet, some are just water and other times his heels are really cracked. One picture has someone using a ped egg on his feet and eating the dried skin that looks like flour and had the texture of the inside of a Cadbury Creme Egg. When Jesus died an impression of his feet was left on a shroud. Some people argue his feet were more important than his words and it's hard to argue with that. Now I know Colin Kaepernick's true origin story.
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:24
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 28, 2024 01:43 |
|
|
Alan 00X posted:literally wrong. Jesus is a historical figure even if you don't believe in his Divinity Nope. He might have been but he probably wasn't. If you look at the scholarly arguments for why people believe he was a real historical figure most of them are pretty sketchy and rely on the gospels as being historical records (they're not).
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:27
|
|
|
Funky See Funky Do posted:Nope. He might have been but he probably wasn't. If you look at the scholarly arguments for why people believe he was a real historical figure most of them are pretty sketchy and rely on the gospels as being historical records (they're not). then why can i see his house on Google Street View, explain that with your historical records
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:30
|
|
|
how could u think the gospels r historical record aren't they just people singing stuff like "jessssssuuuuuuuussssss i love youuuuu gooooooooood jessssuusssss"
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:31
|
|
|
Didn’t Jesus get a bunch of expensive gifts when he was born? Or did Joseph gamble all that poo poo away?
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:32
|
|
|
Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world... what a fuckin creep
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:32
|
|
|
Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Some people would agree but you'll find little support on here. A lot of people stupid about the subject. I heard his fingers were bent from the sport like a basketball player's. I think you'll find that his century against Northhamptonshire on the 27AD tour of the British Isles would disagree. People also forget that he took 4-65 in that match against First Class opposition. I won't disagree with you about his fingers though. He suffered some unfortunate hand and feet injuries and tried to play on 3 days later, but was never the same.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:32
|
|
|
What kind of car do you think Jesus would be driving today. I'm thinking maybe a Volt.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:33
|
|
|
nut posted:how could u think the gospels r historical record aren't they just people singing stuff like "jessssssuuuuuuuussssss i love youuuuu gooooooooood jessssuusssss" no they're books
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:34
|
|
|
What Jesus was: fake What Jesus was not: real Checkmate, Christailures
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:34
|
|
|
DeadFatDuckFat posted:What kind of car do you think Jesus would be driving today. I'm thinking maybe a Volt. jesus h christ would still be driving in the pt cruiser top down in tyool 2020 there'd be a couple rust spots but hey no ones perfect and before you ask, dark purple with the paint that has sparkles in it
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:34
|
|
|
Cubone posted:no they're books entire books of people singing jesssuuuuussss you are soooo miggggghty wowwww i loveee you jesusssss
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:35
|
|
|
DeadFatDuckFat posted:What kind of car do you think Jesus would be driving today. I'm thinking maybe a Volt. Jesus wouldn't own a car because harming the environment for minimal gain isn't his jam and he would totally ride the bus or train into work every day.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:35
|
|
|
DeadFatDuckFat posted:What kind of car do you think Jesus would be driving today. I'm thinking maybe a Volt. probably a helicopter
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:35
|
|
|
riddle me this, i get why jesus turned water into wine (duh glug glug) but why did he turn the water into frogs when it rained in egypt or whatever
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:38
|
|
|
Jesus was pretty cool.wish we had more stuff when he wandered off and converted to Buddhism, that would be great. Like his path to nirvana. The Siddhartha vs. Jesus Siddhartha texts would be cool I bet.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:44
|
|
|
Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:In my dreams I see Jesus Christ and he floats towards me on top of a yellow cloud, his features are Asian and he always says something about Bohemia and nude guys who are wearing sneakers. Sometimes he looks at his feet and his toes are all bent up from playing soccer. i recant jesus is real, but only the one where he went to japan and his twin japanese brother from another mother, the Chairslayer, went to golgotha in jesus's place, so jesus could live in japan as a peaceful farmer. but you're still being visited by goku Fur20 fucked around with this message at 01:59 on Jul 8, 2020 |
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 01:55
|
|
|
carpenter and also the messiah but which one was his side hustle?
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:04
|
|
|
Nigmaetcetera posted:Didn’t Jesus get a bunch of expensive gifts when he was born? Or did Joseph gamble all that poo poo away? Somebody explain this to me god drat it. Where does your god of sacred poverty get off receiving chests full of gold, myrrh, and frankincense? Sound like a trust fund deity to me.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:05
|
|
|
Nigmaetcetera posted:Somebody explain this to me god drat it. Where does your god of sacred poverty get off receiving chests full of gold, myrrh, and frankincense? Sound like a trust fund deity to me. They see me crownin... They hatin...
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:12
|
|
|
joseph was mad they didn't get diapers or toys and he posted about it on r/amitheasshole
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:13
|
|
|
Nigmaetcetera posted:Somebody explain this to me god drat it. Where does your god of sacred poverty get off receiving chests full of gold, myrrh, and frankincense? Sound like a trust fund deity to me. That was before the retcon, when he was still a direct descendant of king David. Shody writing, can't even keep the canon consistent. Op, do you think Jesus got its teaching from the indu Buddhists or just followed old zarmanochegas around?
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:16
|
|
|
Go to Rome, Italy and take the Catacombs Tour. It's an awesome tour. One place they take you to is under ground graves/crypts where people were buried and you can see frescos/murals over their graves if they had money and one they showed was of all of Jesus' disciples and they're all dark skinned, dark haired people. Later in the tour they take you beneath something like a 16th century christian church where you got a 2nd century pagan temple which told the Pagan version of Jesus, a story also involving sacrifice (and then go even deeper where you get to see 1st century apartments and stuff).
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:20
|
|
|
Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:I don't know about that. Some people in New York believe Jesus was fried up on a griddle lengthwise. The whole crucifixion thing was just made up because people didn't want to think Jesus died laying down on a griddle instead of standing up. It would have been undignified. They removed the book of Enoch from the Bible for similar reasons because Enoch was wearing blue jeans in heaven and using cellphones. yo I got this reference lol
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:33
|
|
|
So what even happened to Barabbas after he was released? Why did his full name, Yeshua Bar ʾAbba, mean 'Jesus, Son of the Father'? Did Jesus have a brother? A more badass and more popular brother who was more proactive in his revolutionary teachings, less popular with the Romans, but more popular with the people? Is there some crowdfunding campaign to get this darker, edgier sequel/spinoff finally made?
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:38
|
|
|
I don't give a poo poo about anything else in this thread, I just wanted to say that:Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Jesus was into stuff like crap and fart. There's a book written by Robert Heinlein where Jesus comes out of an egg and Mary laid the egg and it was made out of crap and when she laid the egg it made a fart and the experience imprinted onto Jesus. converted me
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:48
|
|
|
Nigmaetcetera posted:Somebody explain this to me god drat it. Where does your god of sacred poverty get off receiving chests full of gold, myrrh, and frankincense? Sound like a trust fund deity to me. Oh yeah, no, it was totally viable for a dude his age to just say "lol gently caress YOU dad" and not take up a trade and wander around doing jack poo poo and pay for all his friends to hang out with him for a few years without any one of them working. He pawned that poo poo off and paid for his little 'Grand Tour'. There's your explanation.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 02:52
|
|
|
What is the point of posting "Jesus" poo poo without any context? Alan OOX please explain yourself. Ha! Just kidding! Don't post stupid poo poo with "lets discuss!" as a starter. It is stupid as gently caress and goes nowhere productive. There is shitposting, and then there is really true hardcore shitposting, the bad kind. The former is good, the latter is bad.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:05
|
|
|
Ok but for real answer time about Jesus and what he was up to. He wasn't a buddhist and he wasn't living off a trust fund. He was probably inspired by John the Baptist either by relation or just being in the area and being influenced by him. By the time John and Jesus were there and starting to do their preaching spiel, people were fairly open to the idea of 'new age' religions or re-working religious beliefs they had into their lives (not that they weren't all through history or whatever, BUT) in general the Romans occupying the area didn't really poo poo on the Jews or whoever was there, Zoroastrians (prolly not m/any), Roman Pagans, whatever, so long as you stopped loving rebelling and throwing rocks at Romans goddammit. Just pay your taxes and stuff it. So, while the people may have felt like they were chaffing under a yoke as a people, they weren't religiously, at least not terribly, at the time, mostly. So, in this area and around Roman provinces it became 'a thing' for disaffected folks to decide "gently caress it, I'mma start a cult because A.) I like being a leader of people and B.) people like cults when they feel like they're oppressed but actually have time and relative freedom on their hands to check them out." These things spring up ALL OVER the place around the time before and after John and Jesus begin their preaching. In fact, the 'miracles' that Jesus works specifically, are actually a set of almost pre-determined 'miracles' that people of the time came to expect to see from these cult figures. John Doe Cult Priest wasn't a real leader unless he cured the blind, healed the sick, and performed certain other parlor tricks. All of which Jesus did too. It'd be like going to see a circus, you expect to see juggling, sword swallowing,etc. There's a social expectation of what you get when you go to see a sermon by one of these guys, and Jesus was there to deliver. Did Jesus have a brother? Probably yeah. Doesn't matter. What happened to Barabas? Probably got drunk and busted for pickpocketting two weeks later or something, who knows. Doesn't matter. The events leading up to the crucifixion more than a lot of other things about Jesus (which is...a lot) are really whitewashed over and compressed together to make the narrative flow well together not so much so that it makes more sense, but so that it's easier to tell and remember, given how important it is. Looking at the stations of the cross, at least in the Catholic world, as an important rite and service unto themselves as a tradition shows how much "Ok, THIS is the story" kinda paves over any actual details even the Gospels themselves still contain. The act of crucifixion itself was probably different than recounted, so the details themselves don't really play into the main idea that "dude got fuggin TOLD, yo". And there's some jesus poo poo posting you can take to the grave for about 3 days or so
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:08
|
|
|
jesus is great. big jesus fan here but have you seen this https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113483/ and this guy gets a smokin hot egyptian wife
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:13
|
|
|
gary oldmans diary posted:jesus is great. big jesus fan here  not good enough i'm afraid
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:18
|
|
|
Jesus: Last of the Elves
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:18
|
|
|
Big Beef City posted:Ok but for real answer time about Jesus and what he was up to. sameish. i always believed the Reza Aslan idea(which has its own issues but his short book in it is always a fun read) of jesus where he was basicaly a smarter version of the zealots wandering around proclaiming themselves king of judea/messiah and than getting their heads kicked in by local authorities or romans. like the whole story about the good samiritan was less about the noble action and more about "look your priest and officials dont even help us but this gross fucker does, gently caress em all" eventually he makes a scene and fucks up the merchents at the temple. not for some lefty reason but because they are blaspheming it and etc. than the cops arrest him and he gets killed. probably never meets pilot or has some long thing with him. the difference between him and like the 20 other dudes who said they were messiah is because his followers ran with it even after he was dead. than paul comes along in one of his weird brain problems and the rest is history.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:37
|
|
|
You want to kill evangelical christianity in america once and for all, prove beyond any shadow of a doubt Jesus wasn't white
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:41
|
|
|
Jesus would drive a bitchin van with a dragon and naked coming woman airbrushed on the side
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:42
|
|
|
Funky See Funky Do posted:Nope. He might have been but he probably wasn't. If you look at the scholarly arguments for why people believe he was a real historical figure most of them are pretty sketchy and rely on the gospels as being historical records (they're not). I'm not sure you know what the scholarly arguments for a historical Jesus are, if that's your takeaway. Under the methods of historical criticism, you don't just entirely reject a document because the writer was biased or because it contains fanciful elements. But let's go ahead and throw them out, anyway. From non-Christian documents, we know that the Jews were really chafing under Roman rule (the three Jewish Rebellions took place between 66-136 CE) and that one of the effects of that friction was the regular appearance of Jews claiming to be the Messiah, who would then be executed by the Roman government. Do you really think it's likely that exactly zero of them had teachings that survived their death? Because there are still Branch Davidians who think Koresh was the real deal and that he's coming back.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:43
|
|
|
Jesus was definitely brown, but I refuse to believe he looked like this because this dude is fuckin ugly.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 03:47
|
|
|
 Jesus died at age 33. That’s 33 shots. From twin Glocks? That’s 16 apiece. Which means: one of my guns was holding 17. Twenty-seven hit your crew. Six went into you.
Dinosaurs! fucked around with this message at 04:31 on Jul 8, 2020 |
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 04:16
|
|
|
Jesus Saves OP.
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 05:03
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 28, 2024 01:43 |
|
|
What does Jesus Save you ask?
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2020 05:04
|
|