(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Chokes McGee posted:I won't clog up this post by quoting them all, but I'm really glad people are still out there fighting and that this thread has been of help. You don't need me to tell you it's really rough right now, but at least we can all lean on each other. TIL about buspirone thanks to that post, I thought every anxiolytic on this gene-drug report was one of those "break glass in case of emergency" drugs like klonopin, xanax, etc. It's in the "this should be fine" category unlike all those SSRIs and poo poo so I'm gonna ask about that the next time I see my psych. Just another week and a half...
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Jul 13, 2020 22:00
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 21:15 |
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snip
Crusty Nutsack has issued a correction as of 16:13 on Sep 29, 2021 |
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Jul 13, 2020 22:38
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Those count though. It doesn't have to move the earth, just be something you enjoy. Somebody has issued a correction as of 16:14 on Sep 29, 2021 |
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Jul 13, 2020 22:44
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Consummate Professional posted:I just got done with my VA appointment. The doctor was fantastic, extremely transparent and made me feel heard. I'm so glad it got contracted out to her and I didn't get sent directly to a VA doctor. Now I wait for the VA to get their end completed which looks like it may be in October. it feels SO good when you find a doctor you vibe with, congrats! Crusty Nutsack has issued a correction as of 16:14 on Sep 29, 2021 |
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Jul 13, 2020 23:02
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Zvahl posted:i got a compliment earlier today Oh yeah, I know that mental game. I'm not sure what your pronouns are but the vast majority of men in America today have self-esteem through the floor. It's not uncommon for them to go years without hearing a single compliment for something visible or invisible and then when one does come up, they're confused or sort of triggered like you mentioned. Hope you're working on it though, it's not a fun place to be in. I sometimes flatout ask my SO for compliments and it's nice. Also your posts in this thread or outside of it are always either funny or informative so even on a small scale they bring some joy, so thanks for that.
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Jul 14, 2020 07:28
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I get called a bully cuz I confronted someone who emotionally abused me for years and said he had an abusive personality because not only did he abuse me but he also did the same emotional abuse to his underage sister after he raped her. But apparently I'm the rear end in a top hat for bringing up an event that happened only four years ago?
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Jul 14, 2020 21:50
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Holy poo poo had a massive breakdown tonight. I turned up the volume on Heaven (Talking Heads), sung along loud enough my upstairs neighbors could probably hear me, then broke down violently sobbing. Four hours later and I'm perfectly fine. Arrival antipsychotics are a hell ride for me and I would like to get off now
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Jul 15, 2020 06:18
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Who among us has not violently sobbed after singing loudly along to a talking heads track
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Jul 15, 2020 07:18
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empty whippet box posted:Who among us has not violently sobbed after singing loudly along to a talking heads track I'm more fond of This Must Be The Place but yeah
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Jul 15, 2020 14:49
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thehandtruck posted:Oh yeah, I know that mental game. I'm not sure what your pronouns are but the vast majority of men in America today have self-esteem through the floor. It's not uncommon for them to go years without hearing a single compliment for something visible or invisible and then when one does come up, they're confused or sort of triggered like you mentioned. Hope you're working on it though, it's not a fun place to be in. I sometimes flatout ask my SO for compliments and it's nice. Also your posts in this thread or outside of it are always either funny or informative so even on a small scale they bring some joy, so thanks for that. thanks, and sorry for taking so long to reply, I try to avoid this thread when I'm feeling particularly awful which is generally going to be after I post lol he/him so yeah pretty spot on the money. my first, second, third, and fourth thoughts amid panic while trying to process it was trying to figure out what they wanted. That would have been something I could have latched onto with my functional coping mechanism--nasty cynicism--and when I realized it was just a compliment I got to keep feeling bad in the first way and then get mad at myself for assuming the worst about someone who was just casually saying something nice. It's a goddamn stupid rear end in a top hat way to think idk really about working on it. it legit feels impossible without therapy and brain chemical fixers at this point. i interact with exactly one person in real life and he lives with me, and real life is where the problem is. I can sit here and typety type all day and mostly be fine because I'm confident in my ability to deflect conversations away from myself by text. Even though it was a text-based compliment that led to that little breakdown in the first place. tbh the last sentence you wrote made me hesitant to respond at all for the same reason, because in this format of conversation I could let other conversation overtake it easily and just literally not have to take the compliment, whereas staying quiet when someone says something face is difficult enough for me to just remove myself entirely from societal interaction to avoid it. thank you though, i try to keep the unadulterated red rage to a few threads at make the white noise worth at least a chuckle~
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Jul 15, 2020 15:15
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holy poo poo, my VA claim got approved. I got the rating I was hoping for. to say this is life changing is an understatement and I don't think I would have made it here without the advice of this thread (and extensive therapy lol).
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Jul 15, 2020 19:16
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Consummate Professional posted:holy poo poo, my VA claim got approved. I got the rating I was hoping for. that's great news! I bet that's a huge ball of anxiety off your shoulders. congratulations
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Jul 15, 2020 19:24
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Consummate Professional posted:holy poo poo, my VA claim got approved. I got the rating I was hoping for. That's fantastic news 
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Jul 15, 2020 19:42
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Zvahl posted:thanks, and sorry for taking so long to reply, I try to avoid this thread when I'm feeling particularly awful which is generally going to be after I post lol That's okay, it's good to step away from things. No need to beat yourself up for that method of thinking. It is a coping/defense mechanism as you've described. Your psyche/brain built it to protect you and help you survive when you needed it. And that means it's totally okay to use when you need it. As you heal you'll find yourself not needing to deploy that defense mechanism as much, rather than forcing yourself to stop. I shake my leg when I'm anxious because it does a lot of helpful things for me in that moment. It would be ridiculous for anyone (therapist or not) to tell me to stop shaking my leg. (imo it would border on unethical actually). But ofc as time goes on and I get less anxious in anxious situations I shake my leg less. Extend yourself the same compassion you would extend to me if I said, "im such a loving pos for shaking my leg when i'm anxious." But yeah I get that it's harder to be compassionate for yourself than it is for someone else which shows you have enormous humanity but there are also attachment wounds that still need to be healed. I did want to add though since the topic has been breached a few times and I've seen some things in cspam that bothered me, all people need to be witnessed . All pain is absolutely relevant and real to each person. Men need to be listened to and believed and women need to be listened to and believed as well as anyone in between with any and all pronouns they have. There are painful double standards that exist for both "traditional" genders and they all need to be destroyed before there can be healing in this society. AND it's important to not say one problem needs to get resolved before another problem. I have a big issue telling a support group of suicidal or severely depressed men they need to hold off on their healing because society is busy witnessing another issue right now and you need to wait your turn which is exactly what society is saying right now. The suicide rate of men to women (4x) is a strong indicator there. Equality is an important part of leftism and that means not dismissing or minimizing issues that anyone is facing.
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Jul 15, 2020 23:54
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n/m
Dick Trauma has issued a correction as of 00:28 on Jul 16, 2020 |
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Jul 16, 2020 00:21
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Crusty Nutsack posted:that's great news! I bet that's a huge ball of anxiety off your shoulders. congratulations it really is. to have The Man acknowledge I'm broken and it's their fault is an wild rear end feeling. there's a whole loving galaxy of health care that has just been opened to me.
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Jul 16, 2020 00:35
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hey I'm like 99 percent sure I have complex ptsd, I might get to see a therapist soon, what do I say to get that diagnosis and the appropriate meds? i know meds can be a crapshoot and every therapist is different but i don't just wanna sit down and *talk* about 20+ years of cumulative damage i also want to make my brain dispense the healing chemicals asap
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Jul 16, 2020 01:01
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Feranon posted:hey I'm like 99 percent sure I have complex ptsd, I might get to see a therapist soon, what do I say to get that diagnosis and the appropriate meds? i know meds can be a crapshoot and every therapist is different but i don't just wanna sit down and *talk* about 20+ years of cumulative damage i also want to make my brain dispense the healing chemicals asap You'll want to make an appointment with both a psychiatrist and a therapist. A therapist can't prescribe medication. Also be open to that not being your dx if you're self-diagnosing but you can definitely lead with what you think the issue is to both of them.
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Jul 16, 2020 01:35
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thehandtruck posted:You'll want to make an appointment with both a psychiatrist and a therapist. A therapist can't prescribe medication. Also be open to that not being your dx if you're self-diagnosing but you can definitely lead with what you think the issue is to both of them. Yeah, this. Try not to angle for a diagnosis but definitely, definitely tell your therapist you're concerned about it. There are some diagnoses that fit criteria but are better defined by others. For example: I was diagnosed with major depressive for years before I finally figured out I was bipolar. Just start with "I think I'm..." and give your symptoms, then be receptive to whatever the therapist says in response. It's a discovery process, not a hard label. Also yeah unless you manage to pull someone with a double PhD you'll need a separate p-doc for meds. If you don't have one, ask your therapist for recommendations. They'll almost always have some.
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Jul 16, 2020 02:04
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Been having some gnarly insomnia lately; couldn't get to sleep until like 5ish am last night. I'm dead exhausted and haven't had a drop of caffeine but I still feel anxious and stressed. I see my p-doc next Thursday. Looking forward to what they think might help. Might look into CBT-I. I need a hug. I feel bad coming here to just vent all the time but drat. It's been hard lately. Thanks friends
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Jul 16, 2020 04:41
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I finally got to see my under construction apartment in person today and really liked it. It was at the same time that Melbourne hit record virus numbers and I found out completion had been delayed about a month due to the virus. I'm just barely clinging on to employment but need to make it until September.  Next day edit: I think my company is going to process more refunds than sales today. gently caress Second edit: they just sent home my co-workers for lack of work. Double gently caress. I need full time status or my mortgage is hosed. UnfortunateSexFart has issued a correction as of 06:00 on Jul 17, 2020 |
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Jul 16, 2020 12:40
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novaSphere posted:Been having some gnarly insomnia lately; couldn't get to sleep until like 5ish am last night. I'm dead exhausted and haven't had a drop of caffeine but I still feel anxious and stressed. 
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Jul 17, 2020 06:19
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if were still getting emotional about new wave https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rsdhq1czay0
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Jul 17, 2020 06:37
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StashAugustine posted:if were still getting emotional about new wave https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFH5JgyZK1I
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Jul 17, 2020 11:06
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does anyone else have a music problem? i can't really bring this up most places because it just makes me sound insufferably hip or something, but like, ever since I quit doing drugs, I can't enjoy music. it's almost like actively unpleasant to me. i can't listen to it, i don't seek it out, it bugs the poo poo out of me in games and other media. it sucks because i used to enjoy a wide variety of music but now it all just makes me feel kind of tense and unhappy. those posts just kind of brought it up for me
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Jul 17, 2020 14:18
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anhedonia is a thing, and for me at least drug use was a big big part of my video gaming which was really my only recreational activity i've basically spent the last 4 months kicking myself into motion and false starting a million things, not enjoying them, giving up, and feeling bad about giving up and using that as an excuse to give up more and just stare at a list of things in steam or on youtube. i'm more stunned than anything that I actually managed my way through a few things, since I legit don't think I successfully started a video game sober in the entirety of the 2010s. all I've managed to do about it is kinda hope some things stick when I'm interested in them. I managed a month of persona 5 royal which genuinely surprised me, and while I try to keep my ears open around stuff I think I might be likely to enjoy, I don't really try to force it. If I get an idea that something might be fun, I try to keep that idea for when I have a few hours to attempt to start it, and if I manage to even get that far, it's worth something. I know the capacity for enjoyment exists there even if the room is empty and cold now, so I just try to have conversations about things I enjoy and occasionally drift back towards them. I'd suggest actual advice from an actual therapist and/or medication before that but I have no experience with that
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Jul 17, 2020 14:52
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novaSphere posted:Been having some gnarly insomnia lately; couldn't get to sleep until like 5ish am last night. I'm dead exhausted and haven't had a drop of caffeine but I still feel anxious and stressed. I made a post last year that I'm actually a little embarrassed about now, because I touted the virtues of CBT-I when I was only a couple of weeks in, and it seemed to be working, but then I promptly crashed out afterwards. My experience with CBT-I was mostly positive, but I couldn't commit completely to Stimulus Control Therapy, because I had to sleep on a couch in a common area. So the bad news is that it didn't resolve the insomnia for me, but the good news is that I was able at least to completely eliminate the catastrophic thinking that had been dogging me beforehand, and it really took a chunk out of the resulting anxiety. I think it's also important to note that the CBT-I was completely self-prescribed, which likely also didn't help. So I guess what I'm saying is definitely give CBT-I a chance... even if it doesn't resolve the insomnia, it can take a lot of the sting out of it. I resisted pharmaceutical help with the insomnia for far too long, for a variety of reasons. I'd heard horror stories about the long-term side-effects of sleeping pills and the potential for dependence and abuse, and I didn't want to go down that path. But after getting to the point where I considered self-harm, I gave in, and it was probably the best decision I've made, like, ever. I started taking zopiclone (which is basically Canadian generic Lunesta) at 7.5 mg, and *most* nights I could get a good 5-6h sleep. Some nights I couldn't sleep even with that, but my quality of life overall was still waaaaay way better. One night without sleep isn't too bad, it's 2-3 nights in a row when things really take a nosedive. The stuff I'd heard about sleeping pills seems way overblown in hindsight. I mean yeah, it's not ideal, but it's a lot better than not sleeping. The big problem with anxiety-based insomnia is that it's a self-feeding system. Anxiety causes insomnia, and insomnia in turn causes anxiety. Anxiolytics like zopiclone are intended to break the cycle. Assuming you're maintaining good sleep hygiene, good sleep leads to better sleep, so in theory sleeping pills can break the cycle so you can get on the right track again and stop taking the pills. In my case, I suffered from daytime anxiety as a side-effect of the zopiclone (as I mentioned in an earlier post). For a good few months, I had to take the full 7.5 mg every night and it didn't always work. In the end, it was the l-theanine that cut through the daytime anxiety, and I was immediately able to reduce the dosage from 7.5 mg to 3.75 mg. I'm currently taking ~1.875 mg (it's hard to split the halves evenly!) most nights, and some nights I don't need any at all. And now I don't even need the l-theanine because I don't suffer any side effects at all at that low dose. There are other things I do as well... I have a fairly consistent wake-up time, I stop looking at bright devices an hour before I intend to go to bed, I don't drink caffeine after 1pm, I don't each large dinners and I don't eat late in the evening, I only go to bed once I start nodding off. Those things all help. Insomnia sucks rear end. I hope some of this is helpful for you.
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Jul 17, 2020 20:20
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cool, fun, my very liberal man-hating mother is also apparently very explicitly a TERF, with such comments as "stop oppressing women and erasing their identities!" sigh, I have to remember that she's like, 70 or something now. Not worth getting snarky and pissy on Facebook.
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Jul 17, 2020 23:22
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Meds, light boozing, and some love & drug use have been keeping me but this new thing about CPB kidnapping people off the streets of Portland has got me all spun around with fury. Is this sanity? I feel like being beyond furious about this is a sane thing to feel. But I don't know what to do with it. Maybe try to help build a resilient community? But how do I start? I have guns, but not enough for anyone but me and I don't know how to help other people be strong together.
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Jul 18, 2020 06:04
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Zeroisanumber posted:Meds, light boozing, and some love & drug use have been keeping me but this new thing about CPB kidnapping people off the streets of Portland has got me all spun around with fury. Blind fury is absolutely a sane reaction to seeing Gestapo Two: Prednisential Boogaloo terrorizing peaceful protestors and hearing millions of Americans screech "well they shouldn't have burned down the federal buildings!" in response. I don't know what the solution is. I wish I did.
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Jul 18, 2020 16:08
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Warning: this is half relevant and half stream of consciousness rant To shed some more light on my mental health: I was raised in a bigoted rapture-ready evangelical cult family and if you've paid attention to Prester Jane or her thread at all, I was in a very similar environment for a number of years, right down to the "earth is 6000 years old" curriculum. In 1995 I was forcibly converted to fundamentalist christianity and made to believe in eternal hell and damnation and poo poo, along with an apocalyptic Rapture that could come at any moment. Basically all of the knowledge, experience, and character I have accumulated since then, however worthwhile, have been poisoned by a highly irrational and unnecessary terror, and the neuroses spawned. Even now, when I think about it, it breeds bitterness and rage that keep me isolated and feeling empty. I have to say that my exposure to the online left has hurt me at least as much as it has educated me. It's simply too dangerous of a mix with my religious brainwashing bc I can feel myself slipping into Jim Jones cult leader territory when I think about reformation of society and politics and it makes me want to say "don't give me that do goody good buuullshiiit" to all y'all and go work for Goldman Sachs or something. Danny Elfman was right! There's nothing wrong with capitalism and you're all just edgy social democrats anyway!  In all seriousness though after a lot of weed and introspection I find that almost all of my responses are fear based, with 25 years of cumulative damage to my life now simply from failing to confront the root issue. Even my progressive politicking is fear based, a war of attrition against the types of shitheads who caused this, to insure that they'll never have a lick of power or influence again. I kinda hate cspam now bc of that, we're all just scared adult children trying to sell progressive insurance policies against a world with 7B other scared adult children, many of whom are also susceptible to cultlike fervor. Plus it's on a dead troll forum created by a woman beater. Like, being raised with constant rapture/y2k armageddon fears and then sitting down here and jamming about global pandemics, climate change, totalitarian governments, and nuclear weapons is another way of feeding the fear that lies at the root of my dysfunction. So what I'd really like to do after all that is pretend, however unwisely, that everything is ultimately going to be just fine, take some prozacs, and live like a manhattan trust fund baby, and maybe I will even resort to wizard spells to magically fix all the neural pathways and chemical imbalances caused by the brainwashing, if the therapy and meds don't work. Segata Sanshiro has issued a correction as of 16:42 on Jul 18, 2020 |
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Jul 18, 2020 16:39
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Zeroisanumber posted:Meds, light boozing, and some love & drug use have been keeping me but this new thing about CPB kidnapping people off the streets of Portland has got me all spun around with fury. It sure is a good thing that all those protesters haven't gotten hip the fact that protests are nearly useless and started carrying around a pair of wirecutters and discreetly killing the combine one paper cut at a time.
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Jul 18, 2020 17:16
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Still no job. I'm not sure at this point if I haven't applied to the local Amazon warehouse because of principles against Amazon, or because I don't want to have to think of myself as the guy who got rejected from Amazon. My one local friend has a broken phone, and I get to spend the days with my retired boomer father who blames me not having a job right now on having gone to school for... it doesn't even matter, if I was an engineer, I'd be getting the same rant. If I was a doctor right now, there somehow wouldn't be any work in this shithole, and I'd be hearing about how I was the one who wanted to be a doctor. I wish I didn't have any delusions about wanting to teach or work with kids in the future, I'd be using up my "good" years making and profiting off of the vilest, most tastefully reprehensible pornography there ever was, eating that poo poo up the way poor kids eat up coding, not at all worried about any kind of financial woes. And there he is, assuming that all he's got to do is hold out until November so he can go back to pretending the world is a Friday night at the bar with your retired Republican friends. I hope to be gainfully employed and not living with my parents as soon as possible, but I'll settle for Trump skullfucking Biden on television and my parents dying clutching their hearts, at least for the next fifteen minutes, when I'll force myself to be mad about some other poo poo.
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Jul 18, 2020 20:28
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Alvarez IV posted:...I'd be... making and profiting off of the vilest, most tastefully reprehensible pornography there ever was... If this is a poll I vote for this option.
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Jul 19, 2020 00:19
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oh, are we crowdfunding a successor to 2 girls 1 cup
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Jul 19, 2020 01:10
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Big wedding today (Iowa). Went inside and I'm literally the only person with a mask. I asked my wife and kids to put theirs on, after a minute I thought better of it and said "We should probably be going". They reluctantly followed me out. So they're not happy with me, the familiy probably thinks I'm weird, I'm wondering if I'm overreacting. Just about everyone there is 50+, not a mask in sight.
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Jul 19, 2020 01:11
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Extensive Vamping posted:Big wedding today (Iowa). Went inside and I'm literally the only person with a mask. I asked my wife and kids to put theirs on, after a minute I thought better of it and said "We should probably be going". They reluctantly followed me out. So they're not happy with me, the familiy probably thinks I'm weird, I'm wondering if I'm overreacting. You did the right thing
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Jul 19, 2020 04:58
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You absolutely did the right thing, don't worry about it. You're allowed to act in the best interests and safety of yourself and your family.
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Jul 19, 2020 06:05
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Alvarez IV posted:Still no job. I'm not sure at this point if I haven't applied to the local Amazon warehouse because of principles against Amazon, or because I don't want to have to think of myself as the guy who got rejected from Amazon. There isn't even an interview, just a drug test. They don't even care, they just want bodies. It's a lovely job and kind of sketchy at this point but if you really need something just treat it like the garbage job it is and keep looking. I just stopped showing up eventually because I got burned out but it pays ok for robot job. You can pm me if you want some hot tips.
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Jul 19, 2020 14:48
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Hi thread. I'm an online activist for covid stuff and political stuff. I've been staring into the void for a bit. Doesn't feel great. Especially since I'm in uh...Month five of this poo poo. I have some pills that I take as needed, but I bite them in half because I don't really like the feeling of physical exhaustion they put me in, though the mild sleepiness from the half is nice. I exercise and journal and read and write for fun and I'm usually good about self-care, but today just sort of sucks and not much is working and I'm pretty sure I know why. I'm missing people and largely I don't see any save for my roommates, whom I don't have much in common with so I don't interact much. I don't think I'm in need of a therapist, at least not yet. Mostly I'd just like to talk to people in a low stress environment and plug into a community that isn't toxic where I can hear someone's voice and respond in kind. Somewhere where I can go talk and be heard where I don't have to think about covid or activism. I'm a big fan of board games and have a cop of board game simulator. I run and play in tabletop games and I'd be down to run a Shadowrun game or something. I'm interested in online gaming, though not pvp, too much stress. Mostly I'd just like to have a vehicle to chill out with people and I'd like some suggestions if anyone has any. Ice Phisherman has issued a correction as of 01:55 on Jul 20, 2020 |
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Jul 20, 2020 01:53
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