r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Straight sugar gets processed out of the body relatively quickly. High starch low fiber foods like white rice get your blood sugar high and keep it there. Processed foods are certainly part of the problem but basing your diet upon white rice is also bad if you are concerned about diabetes.

Also in both Japan and China pre-war and in the early post-war period the bigger problem for a lot of people was getting enough calories to survive. Just having a stable enough food source to eat all your meals is a big change, and in that context they are probably eating more rice than ever before.

therobit fucked around with this message at 05:10 on Jul 26, 2020

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:01

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# ? May 31, 2024 07:53

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

Switchback posted:

How much porn do you have to watch to think incest is ok

anime and/or game of thrones

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:01

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

when we said "be gay, do crimes" we didn't mean "start an incestuous relationship with your underage brother"

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:02

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

cock hero flux posted:

anime and/or game of thrones

Same thing.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:02

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

cock hero flux posted:

anime and/or game of thrones

I'm going with anime since it apparently lied to them about white rice.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:15

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

lol. I am personally totally against incest relationships along with polygamy and a bunch of other weird relationships. You have to separate what is weird and gives you the creeps vs. what is actively harmful (for consenting adults), though. I have no idea if incest is like the worst thing ever or not for actual human beings doing it. I also don't have any interest in doing my own research to become enlightened on the subject.

Lemony posted:

I mean, leaving the while sibling grooming thing aside(despite that being a huge loving thing), dishonesty in an open relationship is total murder to that relationship. Saying "besides the dishonesty" is ignoring the part that's actually the problem. If he'd been banging some random dude and told her about it, she sounds like she wouldn't have minded.

The whole abusive incest thing just makes it so much worse. Also, she was 19 and he was 16 when they started their relationship, which is also a bit problematic. Not as much as the brother though, drat.

What I mean is I am not sure her reaction is more on 'you were meant to tell me when you bang other people' or 'holy gently caress you are loving your brother'. I don't know how open relationships work at all.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:20

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Lemony posted:

I mean, leaving the while sibling grooming thing aside(despite that being a huge loving thing), dishonesty in an open relationship is total murder to that relationship. Saying "besides the dishonesty" is ignoring the part that's actually the problem. If he'd been banging some random dude and told her about it, she sounds like she wouldn't have minded.

The whole abusive incest thing just makes it so much worse. Also, she was 19 and he was 16 when they started their relationship, which is also a bit problematic. Not as much as the brother though, drat.

I also want to be clear that I don't think she's necessarily obligated to stay with him. What I do think she's obligated to do is break it to him that that was child sexual abuse and help him get into therapy, because jesus christ.

Sillybones posted:

What I mean is I am not sure her reaction is more on 'you were meant to tell me when you bang other people' or 'holy gently caress you are loving your brother'. I don't know how open relationships work at all.

The suicidal thoughts and dissociation indicate she's blown away it's his brother, not just in shock about cheating. Just because someone is okay with an open relationship doesn't mean they're okay with incest.

PetraCore fucked around with this message at 05:25 on Jul 26, 2020

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:23

Puppy Time: Mar 1, 2005

Sillybones posted:

I have no idea if incest is like the worst thing ever or not for actual human beings doing it. I also don't have any interest in doing my own research to become enlightened on the subject.

Given that it's a serious boundary and power issue, yes, incest fucks people the hell up.

The only exception would be something like "Separated at birth, never knew each other," and then only if nobody ever finds out because it's still a very strong taboo.

People make a big deal out of the inbreeding thing, but that's not nearly as big a problem as the emotional issue surrounding family roles having a grenade lobbed into them.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:36

Scaevolus: Apr 16, 2007

Puppy Time posted:

Given that it's a serious boundary and power issue, yes, incest fucks people the hell up.

Also the question never ends up being "is this incestuous relationship that started when both parties were adults ok?", it's inevitably grooming minors and abuse and authority figures.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:42

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Scaevolus posted:

Also the question never ends up being "is this incestuous relationship that started when both parties were adults ok?", it's inevitably grooming minors and abuse and authority figures.

But as a complete reddit issue pervert I'm sure as gently caress going to try and frame it as the latter so I can continue jacking off unashamed.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:44

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

PetraCore posted:

I also want to be clear that I don't think she's necessarily obligated to stay with him. What I do think she's obligated to do is break it to him that that was child sexual abuse and help him get into therapy, because jesus christ.

The suicidal thoughts and dissociation indicate she's blown away it's his brother, not just in shock about cheating. Just because someone is okay with an open relationship doesn't mean they're okay with incest.

This. All of this.

Scaevolus posted:

Also the question never ends up being "is this incestuous relationship that started when both parties were adults ok?", it's inevitably grooming minors and abuse and authority figures.

And this too.

Like holy gently caress.

This is pretty much a sexual abuse story.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 05:52

Puppy Time: Mar 1, 2005

Scaevolus posted:

Also the question never ends up being "is this incestuous relationship that started when both parties were adults ok?", it's inevitably grooming minors and abuse and authority figures.

Even if it did start between adults, it's not like relationships and power differences vanish once you turn 18. If you know them as family, you should NOT be loving them.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 06:50

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

What about twins?

# ? Jul 26, 2020 06:59

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Sillybones posted:

What about twins?

sigh No incest. No incest!

*taps sign* No incest!!

# ? Jul 26, 2020 07:02

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Motherfucker posted:

sigh No incest. No incest!

*taps sign* No incest!!

Your username and post are giving conflicting advice here.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 07:05

CommissarMega: Nov 18, 2008; THUNDERDOME LOSER

But gay incest can't be bad since they can't have children and the only reason to have sex is to propagate the species, QED.

Which leads me to my next topic, which is why ephebophilia is cool and good and

# ? Jul 26, 2020 07:06

Puppy Time: Mar 1, 2005

Sillybones posted:

What about twins?

Twins are siblings. Just because they're the same age and often closer in mindset than normal doesn't mean there would be no boundary or power issues.

Basically, there's an apparent ingrained sense of "this is Family, and not a romantic/sexual target" in humans (known as the Westermarck effect), and pretty much any kind of incest is going to be psychologically messy because of it.

The idea of "family" is extremely important in humans and bringing sex into it mangles things badly.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 07:24

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

zakharov posted:

Do you live in Europe?

In Europe(an royalty) this is completely normal.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 08:33

Mega Comrade: Apr 22, 2004; Listen buddy, we all got problems!

Monarchies committed cousin incest to retain power amongst the family. Outside of this though the act has been taboo across all of Europe pretty much always. Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise probably sniffs their sisters underwear and is trying to normalise it to you.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 10:36

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

Puppy Time posted:

Twins are siblings. Just because they're the same age and often closer in mindset than normal doesn't mean there would be no boundary or power issues.

Basically, there's an apparent ingrained sense of "this is Family, and not a romantic/sexual target" in humans (known as the Westermarck effect), and pretty much any kind of incest is going to be psychologically messy because of it.

The idea of "family" is extremely important in humans and bringing sex into it mangles things badly.

Makes sense. I dunno, maybe I always just put it in with the 'weird people alt-relationships' pile instead of actually considering it through. The only context I had was my own personal disgust of the idea.

CommissarMega posted:

But gay incest can't be bad since they can't have children and the only reason to have sex is to propagate the species, QED.

Which leads me to my next topic, which is why ephebophilia is cool and good and

yikes

# ? Jul 26, 2020 10:44

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Evil Willow posted:

I'm going with anime since it apparently lied to them about white rice.

I think that was what we call a joke my friend

# ? Jul 26, 2020 11:29

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

AITA for letting the cat's butthole touch my girlfriend?

quote:

My (28f) girlfriend (27f) and I have a pretty consistent morning routine. She works earlier than I do so we both get up at her alarm. The alarm will go off, and I'll get up to turn on the lights and let in the cats. She will keep sleeping. I'll come sit back on the bed and check my messages and absentmindedly pet the cats while poking my girlfriend until she gets up 15 to 20 minutes later. If I don't stay in the room and harass her she'll just keep sleeping and miss work. Believe me, I've tried. Anyway, our cats always come onto the bed and want to get some morning pats on their little cat noggins. One of our cats is notorious for circling around constantly and accidentally rubbing her butthole on you. So if I don't watch her like a hawk she will climb across my sleeping girlfriend who then starts screaming about cat butthole touching her. I don't feel it's my job to watch the cat. My girlfriend should be waking up anyway so why should I have to keep tabs on where the cat is walking? But my girlfriend will get SO angry and spend the whole morning screaming "is it so loving hard to keep the cats rear end in a top hat off me??? All you have to do is watch her!!!" I'll calmly state that its not my problem and I will not be watching the cat in the mornings. If she doesn't want cat on her she can wake up to her alarm or we can not let the cats into the room. She says it's unfair to the cats if they can't come into the room and that I need to just watch them so they don't walk on her while she's waking up. Listen, I know I am stubborn and hate being told what to do but I feel like I'm in the clear here. I can't control the cats rear end in a top hat, but does that make me the rear end in a top hat here?

# ? Jul 26, 2020 12:34

WarEternal: Dec 26, 2010; Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!

What a loving odd routine.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 12:39

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

First world problems right here.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 13:02

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Why is it that when someone describes their actions using the word "calmly" they're always presenting someone else as a shrieking harpy?

# ? Jul 26, 2020 13:04

Piell: Sep 3, 2006; Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer; Young Orc

AITA for taking my daughter�s violin away?

quote:

My daughter (15) and I (38) moved into my boyfriend�s (56) home a month ago. We�ve been dating since March and wanted to take the next step in our relationship.

When we moved in, all I asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend�s home and to be respectful towards him.

As with practically all apartments in NYC, space is limited. Therefore, every time my daughter practices her violin, everybody else can hear.

This has proved to be an annoyance to my boyfriend, and one of his house rules is that she practice when he�s not home.

Flash forward to last week I wake to her playing away. My boyfriend is already at his desk working on a project for work and he says he�s so annoyed and can�t focus right now.

My boyfriend goes in her room and asks if she forgot the house rules. She retorts that she has a virtual audition in a couple hours and needed to practice.

I had told her not wait until the last minute to practice but she did so anyway. It was 7 and my boyfriend�s work presentation was at 9. My daughter�s audition was at 10.

So I tell her to wait until he leaves the house and she�ll still have time to warm up. We leave her room and soon after, I hear her plucking the strings and obviously moving her bow. My boyfriend goes in again and she tells him to go to the lobby and work there.

I didn�t like my daughter�s tone. She also clearly wasn�t going to stop making noise so I end up taking her violin and bow away until my boyfriend leaves for work.

My daughter is so mad that she�s shaking when I give her her stuff back. She says she needed to do more than warm up and threw a tantrum before her audition.

Now it�s a week later and she found out she didn�t make it into the orchestra. She has locked herself in her room and calls her stepfather Hitler and doesn�t talk to me at all.

AITA? I was reacting to her disobeying a clear directive from me. She was also disrespecting the man I love by kicking him out of his own home.

The lobby of our apartment is used a lot and poses a health risk to my boyfriend, and he needs to give 100 percent at his job.

Also, my daughter had plenty of time to practice before the day of.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 13:11

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

There was one story ages ago about a pair of twin brothers who ended up moving in together that somehow managed to be wholesome as hell. It's also the only story I've seen beyond "never met until both were adults" that did not clearly involve grooming.

E: With regards to the incest derail; yes they loving.

Zulily Zoetrope fucked around with this message at 13:18 on Jul 26, 2020

# ? Jul 26, 2020 13:14

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Is the implication they were loving what are you saying exactly

# ? Jul 26, 2020 13:16

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Piell posted:

AITA for taking my daughter’s violin away?

So mom doesn't want the kid messing up her meal ticket here? Because that's pretty lovely.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 13:33

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

I do like the idea that practicing before a thing is a waste of time

# ? Jul 26, 2020 13:42

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

artsy fartsy posted:

AITA for letting the cat's butthole touch my girlfriend?

If you own a cat at some point you are going to get butthole'd.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 13:44

Skippy McPants: Mar 19, 2009

Also, if you find someone who is loving and patient enough to wake you up every single morning do not rock that loving boat with trivial stuff like catbutt.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 13:46

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

why does this thread have so many people leaping to defend incest

loving gross

# ? Jul 26, 2020 14:04

PancakeTransmission: May 27, 2007; You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...; Plaster Town Cop

Fil5000 posted:

Why is it that when someone describes their actions using the word "calmly" they're always presenting someone else as a shrieking harpy?

Redditors think that being calm and logical means you're correct, and that being emotional is therefore wrong

Must be a coincidence that the Redditor is usually the Calm One and the emotional one is :females:

# ? Jul 26, 2020 14:05

Propaniac: Nov 28, 2000; SUSHI ROULETTO!; College Slice

My (31F) father-in-law (68M) does not respect us or our home at all.

Okay everybody, get ready for another horrible in-law who treats his kid and their spouse like garbage, I bet this is gonna be a doozy

quote:

Hi all,
Hubby (33M) and me (31F) have his father (68M) over to visit about once per fortnight. He lives nearby and comes to us at about 5pm, stay for a few hours as he likes to see our dog (he isn't permitted pets inside his home) and goes home about 10-11pm, no big deal. I cook dinner for us all and that's been the kind of norm now ever since his son and I got a place together and it's never been an issue. What is an issue though is some of the ways he behaves when he's here.

On his last visit, my husband was snacking on a packet of crisps (or chips if you prefer, we're British) and his father stuck his hand in the packet that was on his son's lap and started rummaging around for one. My husband would have willingly let him have one, all he had to do was ask. We've also had it before now where he's seen small sums of money (maybe a £5 note or something) on the side and he's picked it up and pretended to run off with it, just other childish stuff like that which grows irksome real fast and that no adult child expects from their father when he visits the family home. We like a joke, but we like sensible, mature humour, not childishness. It got to the point that yesterday, before he arrived, I "proofed" the home, putting away some money and some after dinner mints that were left on the coffee table and that he probably would have otherwise helped himself to, but not before rubbing his hands with glee like he'd never seen mint chocolates before. All this just to try and avoid the silly and frustrating behaviours that we otherwise have to deal with during his visits. I don't have any of this with my mother, we can just have tea and a chat and she would never, ever touch or take anything without asking first.

Yesterday was just the pièce de résistance in it all, my husband went to use the facilities and when he came back, he found his father head-first in our refrigerator, putting a 6 pint carton of milk and some butter in there that he planned to take home with him after his visit. My husband informed me because he felt really awkward about it and I told him that I couldn't really react to it until I'd 'noticed' it for myself, but thanked him for making me aware at least. Anyway, when I prepared dinner I casually challenged my husband on the additional carton milk as we already had a full carton, hoping his father would come forward and we could clear the air. Instead, I was gobsmacked when his father replied "that's mine, you leave that alone". I couldn't believe that he would take such an audacious tone with me, especially in my own home. I'll admit that after that, I was petty enough to serve him up the smallest dinner and flippantly lied about not having bought a dessert. Out of good solutions and knowing my husband wasn't going to say anything to him, it was about the only option that I had left.

I should say here that it's not what it was that I am so upset about, it's that he did it without asking. It's not the act itself but the principle. If he'd just waited and asked, I probably would have even removed the ingredients for dinner and got on with the cooking there and then, but instead, he just plonked his groceries on top of them. There is a family friend of my husband's (36M, if you're really worried about him) who is now banned from our home after he rifled through our kitchen cupboards one New Year's Eve while everybody else was socialising, it's just a boundary thing for me and the only reason I haven't banned my father-in-law as of today is because he's family. My husband is angry but he's also a non-confrontational person and it's not my place to say anything to his father if he is unwilling. I can't keep being treated like this in my home and I'd never stand for such disrespect from anyone else. If my husband continues to let his father treat me like this, it could even spell trouble for our marriage. What would you do in this situation?

TL;DR - Father-in-law has a long history of disrespecting us. He put his groceries in our refrigerator without asking first then was rude to me when I asked about it.

...huh.

Edit:

quote:

Why is it that when someone describes their actions using the word "calmly" they're always presenting someone else as a shrieking harpy?

Usually when I see that, it's from a woman who is expressing dissatisfaction with her absolutely terrible male partner and she's used to him treating her like she's a shrieking harpy, so she's trying to deflect that. Usually followed by "I don't want to be naggy."

Propaniac fucked around with this message at 14:11 on Jul 26, 2020

# ? Jul 26, 2020 14:07

mediaphage: Mar 22, 2007; Excuse me, pardon me, sheer perfection coming through

Organic Lube User posted:

Naming my nextborn Null so xhe breaks every database and catches every improperly filed parking ticket.

Batterypowered7 posted:

https://xkcd.com/327/

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160325-the-names-that-break-computer-systems

Puppy Time posted:

Twins are siblings. Just because they're the same age and often closer in mindset than normal doesn't mean there would be no boundary or power issues.

Basically, there's an apparent ingrained sense of "this is Family, and not a romantic/sexual target" in humans (known as the Westermarck effect), and pretty much any kind of incest is going to be psychologically messy because of it.

The idea of "family" is extremely important in humans and bringing sex into it mangles things badly.

there's no real guarantee that the westermarck effect is real, but it has definitely spread out into popular media. equally valid is the research suggesting that humans are actually sexually attracted to kin and it's 'just' cultural biases that prevent action.

Propaniac posted:

My (31F) father-in-law (68M) does not respect us or our home at all.

she sounds awful

# ? Jul 26, 2020 14:26

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

Propaniac posted:

My (31F) father-in-law (68M) does not respect us or our home at all.

Wait, the problem is he does dumb jokes where he pretends to take candy or money, and once he had the audacity to store milk in the fridge? Unless there's more that this lady is not saying I'm not seeing how this registers as more than "barest annoyance".

If you like someone, this is the kind of poo poo you brush off.

Uncle Enzo fucked around with this message at 14:48 on Jul 26, 2020

# ? Jul 26, 2020 14:44

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

Propaniac posted:

My (31F) father-in-law (68M) does not respect us or our home at all.

That was long winded. TL;DR: Father in law, during a visit, would eat mints while acting like it is a treat, put his groceries in the fridge for when he leaves with them later, make light-hearted jokes and ate crisps from his sons crisp packet. We are obviously beside ourselves. What can we do???

edit: Has to be bait.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 14:50

Skippy McPants: Mar 19, 2009

Uncle Enzo posted:

Wait, the problem is he does dumb jokes where he pretends to take candy or money, and once he had the audacity to store milk in the fridge? Unless there's more that this lady is not saying I'm not seeing how this registers as more than "barest annoyance".

If you like someone, this is the kind of poo poo you brush off.

Read again. He didn't steal anything. He brought his groceries with him and stored the perishable in their fridge during the visit.

He sounds like he might have some boundary issues, I'd feel weird if anyone other than my partner stuck their hand into a bag of chips I was holding... but whatever, that lady sounds like she has some serious control issues.

Sillybones posted:

That was long winded. TL;DR: Father in law, during a visit, would eat mints while acting like it is a treat, put his groceries in the fridge for when he leaves with them later, make light-hearted jokes and ate crisps from his sons crisp packet. We are obviously beside ourselves. What can we do???

edit: Has to be bait.

This manner of domestic tyrant does exist. I had a friend growing up whose mother wouldn't let him (or anyone else) take anything out of the kitchen. If you wanted food or even, like, a spoon you had to ask her permission.

Skippy McPants fucked around with this message at 14:56 on Jul 26, 2020

# ? Jul 26, 2020 14:52

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# ? May 31, 2024 07:53

Porfiriato: Jan 4, 2016

Uncle Enzo posted:

It might be worth checking, does her father in law have proper access to food at his home? I think we've seen it before where someone with really obnoxious food-stealing behavior wasn't actually getting enough to eat otherwise.

Not to say that she should tolerate this behavior. Whether there's a problem or not this dude needs to cut it out.

... I mean, the sum total of grievances she enumerates are 1.) reaching into a bag of potato chips and grabbing a handful without asking first and 2.) using their refrigerator to store milk and butter (that he apparently bought on the way to their house) for a few hours until he goes home. (Edit: possibly also 3.) helping himself to dinner mints left out on a table, presumably for guests like him??)

The first one is perhaps mildly bad behavior, but if that's the worst she can come up with it doesn't exactly come anywhere near the bar for "obnoxious food-stealing behavior".

She sounds utterly insufferable though I lol'ed at the mental image of her icily telling her father-in-law "sorry, there isn't any dessert" through pursed lips like it was some sort of nuclear comeback to his perceived bad behavior.

# ? Jul 26, 2020 14:55

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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