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my sister opened a writer's festival last year and one of the 'acts' was a woman with an unfortunate stutter reading her fanfics from when she was a teenager. most of it was 'wow teenage me was weirdly into sexy gay men haha' but the last one was this weirdly poignant story about dudley and his fiancee discovering their child is magic and it was a very heavy-handed lgbt metaphor that kinda totally ruined the 'teenage me was stupid' mood
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Sep 7, 2020 08:11
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:Dursley is simply a continuation of the very old Children's book tradition of Chet Morton from the Hardy Boys it's like that "how men write women" tweet except "how thin people write fat people"
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Sep 10, 2020 10:24
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"dudley fatted obesily down the stairs"
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Sep 10, 2020 10:40
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The shift in tone over the series (from Dahlesque children's gothic to YA urban fantasy) means the Dursleys retrospectively go from broad comedy grotesques to straightforward child abusers.
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Sep 10, 2020 10:46
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:Dursley is simply a continuation of the very old Children's book tradition of Chet Morton from the Hardy Boys I read one of those books and thought it was pretty dumb how many adult criminals they handily disposed of
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Sep 10, 2020 17:17
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rollick posted:The shift in tone over the series (from Dahlesque children's gothic to YA urban fantasy) means the Dursleys retrospectively go from broad comedy grotesques to straightforward child abusers. I love the line at the end of book one that I remember because of the podcast, when Harry basically goes "man I'mma gently caress with Dudley this summer" Other things I learned from the podcast: add McGonagal to the list of characters who were, or became, cops Not only was McGonagal a cop, she married her much older cop boss, who dies right before book one.
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Sep 10, 2020 18:03
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So what you're saying is that part in Book 5 where all the Aurors come to gently caress up Hagrid and in the process blast McGonagal was described as an "officer involved shooting" by the Daily Prophet the next morning.
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Sep 10, 2020 18:11
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Sydin posted:So what you're saying is that part in Book 5 where all the Aurors come to gently caress up Hagrid and in the process blast McGonagal was described as an "officer involved shooting" by the Daily Prophet the next morning. I mean, this is pretty much exactly the kind of thing the Daily Prophet is described as doing.
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Sep 11, 2020 01:18
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So does every single wizard in the UK go to Hogwarts? Because it definitely doesn't seem like a big enough school for an entire country.
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Sep 11, 2020 16:30
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muscles like this! posted:So does every single wizard in the UK go to Hogwarts? Because it definitely doesn't seem like a big enough school for an entire country. Some are supposedly home schooled, but in general most go to Hogwarts. A school that has about 200 pupils total across 7 years at a time and somehow manages to be enough education to support the entirety of UK Wizard society we see which includes a several hundred person bureaucracy, at least 10 professional sports teams, a thriving journalism scene and dozens of cottage industries. Also canonically every single wizard in all of Asia goes to a single school.
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Sep 11, 2020 16:40
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there are homeschooled wizards? so are they allowed to just cast spells whenever they want? or are they required to arbitrarily stop whenever hogwarts lets out for the summer?
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Sep 11, 2020 16:43
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muscles like this! posted:So does every single wizard in the UK go to Hogwarts? Because it definitely doesn't seem like a big enough school for an entire country. Yes, its canon that theres only 10,000 wizards in the entire UK + Ireland. Yes I know.
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Sep 11, 2020 16:47
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TheAardvark posted:there are homeschooled wizards? Unspecified, though since most of the homeschooled ones we hear about in canon are from wealthy Pureblood families I assume the rules just quietly don't apply to them at all. Like the woman who founded the American Wizarding School. Her backstory was being a homeschooled and abused child of two ancient pureblood families who got kidnapped and raised by her parent's murderer back in the early 1800s who never learned much but managed to flee to America with a stolen wand when she was 16. Somehow this never triggered any of the underage magic protection stuff or any like investigation into the fact she was raised by someone who murdered her parents. Note she explicitly still got a Hogwarts letter. She then goes on to absolutely revolutionize magic in North America because British Wizarding is so superior that even a completely untrained neophyte with no formal education and a stolen wand knew more about magic than any of the Native Americans who all came to learn from her and reshaped the entirety of Wizarding society in America to be a copy of the UK.
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Sep 11, 2020 16:52
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Do wizards have a spell equivalent of that Icelandic phone app to check if they're related before casual sex
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Sep 11, 2020 16:53
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Angepain posted:Do wizards have a spell equivalent of that Icelandic phone app to check if they're related before casual sex Most of the purebloods are horrifically inbred specifically and know they're related. Like anyone who's a pureblood can't be any less than second or third cousins at best. Like both Harry and the Weasleys are third Cousins through the Black family at the very least and that single family is the only one we get a vaguely detailed family tree from.
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Sep 11, 2020 16:58
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No one has casual sex in harry potter world, they just marry their highschool sweetheart at 17 and pop out babies like god and their biological imperative demands.
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Sep 11, 2020 17:03
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Honestly, living in the Magical World (at least from what we've seen/read) sounds absolutely miserable, ESPECIALLY if you're muggle born/raised. Like...Harry and Hermione go from a world with phones, TVs, radios, video games, modern conveniences like a mother loving REGULAR-rear end PEN to one where they only just got flush toilets, like, 5 years ago, have half-assed magic radios that only get one or two stations? And still use quills for some reason. Sure, when you first find out that magic and monsters exist as a kid, that's kick-rear end...but the novelty must wear off pretty quick. Honestly, were I a muggle-born in HP World, I'd nope the gently caress out of there once I was done with Hogwarts and just live in the muggle world and use magic to just, like, never lose my keys or something. I know that kids under 17 can't use magic around muggles, but there's no way they can track casual adult magic use, right? Yeah, you abra cadabra some fucker in traffic that cut you off, they might find out, but just "Accio money!" to pay the rent, and no one is the wiser?
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Sep 11, 2020 17:39
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DrBouvenstein posted:I know that kids under 17 can't use magic around muggles, but there's no way they can track casual adult magic use, right? Yeah, you abra cadabra some fucker in traffic that cut you off, they might find out, but just "Accio money!" to pay the rent, and no one is the wiser? this is why 80% of wizards end up as cops
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Sep 11, 2020 17:44
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DrBouvenstein posted:Honestly, living in the Magical World (at least from what we've seen/read) sounds absolutely miserable, ESPECIALLY if you're muggle born/raised. Sure but you can also summon drugs from anywhere in the world just by flicking your wrist. I think there's give and take.
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Sep 11, 2020 17:46
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You'd think there'd be more wizards who low-key use their magic to obtain fame and fortune in the muggle world. Like hell, if you're half-way competent at potions you could get a loving cult going in a nanosecond. Posit yourself as a miracle worker/spiritual healer/whatever and just take people into a back room where you feed them the potion that cures them and then oblivate their memory. Person comes out with you all "I have no idea what happened but I'm cured!" You'd be a goddamn sensation. At a minimum I'm surprised more wizards don't double dip. Like how there's nobody who's ever thought "hey I can take some of these gigantic gold and silver coins and take them on over to Cash4GoldTM to get some muggle money, which I could use to buy some cool muggle poo poo" is weird. Even ignoring stuff like modern technology, you'd think they'd still show an interest in muggle literature, or music, or something, even if just as a fascination.
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Sep 11, 2020 17:59
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Sydin posted:You'd think there'd be more wizards who low-key use their magic to obtain fame and fortune in the muggle world. Like hell, if you're half-way competent at potions you could get a loving cult going in a nanosecond. Posit yourself as a miracle worker/spiritual healer/whatever and just take people into a back room where you feed them the potion that cures them and then oblivate their memory. Person comes out with you all "I have no idea what happened but I'm cured!" You'd be a goddamn sensation. This thread's reinventing Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality in real time.
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Sep 11, 2020 18:02
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Sydin posted:You'd think there'd be more wizards who low-key use their magic to obtain fame and fortune in the muggle world. Like hell, if you're half-way competent at potions you could get a loving cult going in a nanosecond. Posit yourself as a miracle worker/spiritual healer/whatever and just take people into a back room where you feed them the potion that cures them and then oblivate their memory. Person comes out with you all "I have no idea what happened but I'm cured!" You'd be a goddamn sensation. I would also like to point out that roughly half the policing departments we're aware of are specifically designed to catch people loving with Muggles and the Statutes of Secrecy means they take a pretty dim view of people doing that kind of stuff. Like all of this is wildly illegal in universe, and based on how hard they came down on Harry for his public use of magic in book 5 I imagine its not something Wizarding society tolerates. Like we do see some of this, Arthur goes on literally dozens of raids over the course of the series to bust criminal rings creating enchanted muggle artifacts for various purposes. Zore fucked around with this message at 18:17 on Sep 11, 2020 |
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Sep 11, 2020 18:12
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i refuse to google enchanted fleshlight but i now have to believe there is one in a fan fiction out there
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Sep 11, 2020 18:22
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TheAardvark posted:this is why 80% of wizards end up as cops https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Jobs_in_the_wizarding_world seriously people go through this list and count how many jobs are just tiers and variants of "cop"
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Sep 11, 2020 18:23
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Zore posted:Also canonically every single wizard in all of Asia goes to a single school. Aren't there meant to be a bunch of little schools as well as the eleven great schools? Also I think they said homeschooling is the majority option for a lot of countries in the world. Europe less so because they have so many bigass schools because the series is so eurocentric. Basically those are a convenient way to go 'shut up about the billions of people in india and asia', obviously. MikeJF fucked around with this message at 18:34 on Sep 11, 2020 |
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Sep 11, 2020 18:30
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Zore posted:
Incorrect Japan and Korea share a school in the Ryukyus. China and India do share a school, the world famous School #10 but thats only to be expected from their cultural similarities. Interestingly despite having half the population of India & China, the largest school by enrollment is the African school Uagadou which is located in the mountains of Uganda which is famed for its transfiguration program and where every student learns to become an animagus by graduation for reasons which I'm sure would be absolutely free of racism of JK decided to elaborate further. BIG FLUFFY DOG fucked around with this message at 19:44 on Sep 11, 2020 |
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Sep 11, 2020 19:35
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The Wizarding World as described by Rowling is basically an oppressive police state run by an inbred elite with genetic purity laws similar to the pre-civil war American South or Nazi Germany. The word "muggle" is basically a racist slur similar to a certain N word. I'll stick with the conventional non-magical world, thanks.
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Sep 11, 2020 20:22
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N*maj
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Sep 11, 2020 21:51
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TheAardvark posted:there are homeschooled wizards? The Ministry's magic-tracking spell that it uses to enforce the "no underage magic" law only detects when a spell is cast near a child, not who actually cast it, so it picks up all the spells cast by wizard parents and their slaves as well as any potential illegal magic from the kid. The Ministry just kind of assumes wizard parents will notice their kid casting magic and enforce the law themselves and only ever punish muggleborns. So yes kids from wizard families are allowed to just cast spells whenever they want.
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Sep 11, 2020 22:06
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Zore posted:Like all of this is wildly illegal in universe Who cares? Also the only reason they detected Harry is because the Ministry puts some kind of magical trace on underage wizards. Once you're an adult they'd actually have to catch you in the act.
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Sep 11, 2020 22:13
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Sydin posted:Who cares? half the other wizards' lives are dedicated to finding people doing illegal magic. the punishment is being thrown in a jail where your soul is literally sucked out of you by the guards. rowling did a great job designing a world where fun is illegal.
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Sep 11, 2020 22:18
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Sydin posted:Who cares? Presumably the Ministry does since they have at least four different wizard cop divisions dedicated entirely to stopping people from loving around with Muggles Like you might be able to get away with penny ante poo poo, but in general the series portrays the Ministry as total hardasses about people who do anything magical where non-magical people can see or be affected. Zore fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Sep 11, 2020 |
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Sep 11, 2020 22:18
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Note that the canon reason they do this is because muggles would ask the wizards for help
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Sep 11, 2020 22:27
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Note that the canon reason they do this is because muggles would ask the wizards for help Who could possibly have that kind of time while my dishes are cleaning themselves my carriage is driving itself and my house elf is rubbing my back?
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Sep 11, 2020 22:32
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heres something ive been wondering. do you think madam pomfrey spends like 80% of her time fixing teenage dudes messing up trying to grow their dick?
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Sep 11, 2020 22:35
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TheAardvark posted:heres something ive been wondering. do you think madam pomfrey spends like 80% of her time fixing teenage dudes messing up trying to grow their dick? If you read my fanfics you would know that they don't mess up 
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Sep 11, 2020 22:40
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GodFish posted:No one has casual sex in harry potter world, they just marry their highschool sweetheart at 17 and pop out babies like god and their biological imperative demands. So does that mean Snape was volcel?
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Sep 11, 2020 22:40
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muscles like this! posted:So does that mean Snape was volcel? Yeah basically.
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Sep 11, 2020 22:44
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muscles like this! posted:So does that mean Snape was volcel? Slytherins gently caress. Voldemort impregnated Bellatrix Lestrange during book six. Yes, this is canon.
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Sep 11, 2020 22:44
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TheAardvark posted:i refuse to google enchanted fleshlight but i now have to believe there is one in a fan fiction out there coward drat the titles for these things are lame "Harry Potter and the Magic Sex Toy" "Toys are your Friend" not sure if a fanfic, but this extract google shows is something quote:every harry potter post on here thats not a super tenuous and ill-advised political ... in dumbledores army learning to summon customized fleshlight patronuses… ... to pioneer the Dickius Suckicus enchantment and starting the first sex positive ...
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Sep 11, 2020 22:50
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