r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

That's literally child abuse.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 17:42

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# ? May 14, 2024 21:13

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Yeah, OP brings up in the comments that he realises she's setting up the kids to be codependent abuse magnets.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 17:48

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

There was an update where a teacher told the OP (maybe both parents) that the older kid had a mini existential crisis when asked to draw whatever they wanted because they didn't understand what they were supposed to be learning from it, and that prompted the OP to finally set his foot down.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 17:59

The Bramble: Mar 16, 2004

I (27F) pulled a gun on my CHEATING boyfriend (27M) of 3 years. How do I convince him to not divorce now?

quote:

I'm a 27 years old girl and I have been in a relationship with 3 years with a guy the same age. English aren't our first languages so sorry if I am unclear.

He works a lot as an air traffic controller and it's not unusual for him to do up to 60 hours a week. He is also an avid gun enthusiast. That being said, since COVID, overtime dried us. So I was a bit surprised last Wednesday when he told me he'd work overtime. I did not think much of it beyond that.

However, one of my friend was at a conference at an hotel close to the airport and saw my boyfriend with a woman, and he saw them kissing. I don't have a picture beyond the words of my friend but I feel betrayed to no end.

I decided to get one of his guns and load it. I don't know how well they work but the silver one (like cow-boys) seem simpler to use. I knew the code to his safes. I waited for him to come back and pointed the gun at him as he came in.

I told him I knew about the cheating as my friend saw him kiss another woman and I told him to go sleep somewhere else and we'd talk in a week for me to think.

Today I was working and I came back from work. He somehow got in our house (he pays 70% of the mortgage), emptied his things, and asked me to sign divorce papers (he moved quickly...). He apologised for cheating (loving knew it! Piece of poo poo!) but that after his gently caress up and me pulling a loaded gun on him, nothing is worth saving in the relationship and he doesn't feel he owes me more than a lame apology after the gun event. He said if I don't sign in 24h, he'll report the gun thing to the police.

My friends think I am psychopathic for pulling a gun on him and should be grateful he's not trying to gently caress me up harder in the divorce at this point (terms seem fair but I can't find a divorce lawyer on a weekend...)

I think he cheated and should be grateful I did not simply dump him! How can he do this to me after his gently caress up?! loving cheaters. I feel he deserves it and that divorce is now too strong a response to what happened. I'd prefer we work things out but he doesn't want to; can I make him see the error of his ways?

I feel he should be the one trying to fix things... I don't know what to do from there?

TL;DR: Boyfriend cheated and I pulled a gun on him. Now he wants a divorce but I don't want to divorce; how can I propose we fix this?

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:00

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Those kids are on a crash course to really resent their control freak mother in the long term

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:01

Haschel Cedricson: Jan 4, 2006; Brinkmanship

The Bramble posted:

I (27F) pulled a gun on my CHEATING boyfriend (27M) of 3 years. How do I convince him to not divorce now?

How do you divorce a boy/girlfriend?

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:05

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

The Bramble posted:

I (27F) pulled a gun on my CHEATING boyfriend (27M) of 3 years. How do I convince him to not divorce now?

You can't. Be happy he didn't call the cops immediately and hopefully learn the lesson of "pointing a loaded gun at someone is insane so don't do it"

Haschel Cedricson posted:

How do you divorce a boy/girlfriend?

Depending on where the non English country is it can be like a civil partnership. France has things like the PACS which isn't marriage but isn't far off.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:07

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Haschel Cedricson posted:

How do you divorce a boy/girlfriend?

I wonder if they're some kind of common-law married now.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:08

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

hey let's all speculate as to what model the silver "cow-boy gun" was, specifically

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:09

Droyer: Oct 9, 2012

hawowanlawow posted:

hey let's all speculate as to what model the silver "cow-boy gun" was, specifically

Not a gun guy but I assumed a revolver.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:12

xtal: Jan 9, 2011; by Fluffdaddy

Nobody who refers to a revolver as a silver cowboy gun is capable of loading a revolver, the mechanism is not obvious

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:13

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Batterypowered7 posted:

There was an update where a teacher told the OP (maybe both parents) that the older kid had a mini existential crisis when asked to draw whatever they wanted because they didn't understand what they were supposed to be learning from it, and that prompted the OP to finally set his foot down.

That part was in the update:

quote:

Original: /r/relationships/comments/53q9i7/my_32f_wife_30f_of_4_years_is_overteaching_our/ I didn't mean to completely abandon this post. I just had no idea it would blow up like it did, and by the time I got home from work, there were more comments than I could possibly answer. THANK YOU everyone! To answer some questions I saw: the kids are bored to death. Bill, being only 2, isn't super verbal obviously, but John has asked on more than one occasion why we can't do what we came for, basically.

Using the Fair again, he asked why he couldn't go on the [kiddie] Ferris wheel. My wife basically ignored him and just kept teaching. That's part of the reason why I was so mad that night. It seems MUCH more about her than the kids' development at all. I talk to my sons a lot, or at least I try to. I can't really bring up anything without my wife coming in and teaching or suggesting we do something else to build some skills. I feel like she's actually getting in the way of my own relationship with my kids. I guess I had more to unpack about this than I thought. But on to the update.

This couldn't have been timed any better if I'd planned it. So John is 4. We have him in a pre-K type class 3 days a week. The very day I made my post, I got a call from the teacher. She basically told me that John is a very smart little boy, that he seems to know a little bit about everything and has a great vocabulary and memory. But what she said next just about made me tear up and seriously consider a divorce.

There have been several instances since the class started where John has been left to his own devices. They have some structured activities during the day, and some semi structured. Like times when the kids will be painting, but they're free to paint whatever and however they want. They also have some unstructured time, where they're free to play with the toys in the classroom. Some are learning type toys, some are just toys like the large Lego blocks, stuffed toys, balls, things like that. Well, the first time John was presented with watercolor paints and a blank piece of paper, he did nothing. The teacher blew it off as nervousness, since this is a lot of kid's first experience with being around a large number of peers away from home. She also noticed he didn't really play much with the other children. She tried to help him join in some of their games, but he didn't seem interested.

She decided to call me after this incident: the class was given a box of metallic crayons and a black piece of construction paper. John did the same thing again. The teacher came over and asked him what he'd like to draw. He said he didn't know. She gave some suggestions like his favorite cartoon character, if we have a cat or a dog to draw his pet, if we didn't, draw a cat or a dog he might LIKE to have, draw a space alien and a spaceship, and he still said he didn't know what to draw. After a few more suggestions from the teacher, John apparently looked at her and said "I just don't know what skill I'm supposed to learning". Like I said I nearly broke down. I guess I never put it together. I should have, but I never did, and I'm as much at fault for that as my wife is for this whole thing.

My sons have NO social skills. They have NO creativity. They have NO imagination. They don't know that sometimes the purpose of fun is to have fun because they've never been exposed to it. I kinda hate myself for not extrapolating this. So basically we're raising walking encyclopedias with no personality. They aren't actually building ANY skills at all. I have a feeling they'd learn to hold crayons and draw by the time they're old enough to leave the house. They'll also be able to count, cook a simple meal, and understand that a washing machine gets clothes clean. What they WON'T understand is the really important stuff. They won't make and learn from mistakes with friends. They won't be able to relate to kids their own ages. They won't understand what activities are appropriate and not appropriate when they get older and start doing things without us. They'll probably end up codependent because they'll always be waiting for someone else to tell them what to do. They'll be abuse magnets.

I had a come to Jesus with my wife when she got home. I didn't let her call the teacher and "tell her what's what", instead, I told her that I'd called a family therapist, and if she wanted to stay married, we were also going to couples counseling. No ifs, ands, or buts on any of it. SHE needs to build some drat parenting skills, and I need to learn how to grasp the concept of If A, Then B. I did not leave room for negotiation. I accept my fault in this. I was an only child myself, my parents were pretty hands off, for the most part, and I haven't really had a lot of occasion in my adult life to spend a great deal of time with young children, or with other parents of young children.

Just because I knew what was wrong, apparently didn't automatically teach me what was right. I also want us to go to parenting classes eventually, but that's at a different point assuming we get through all the rest of this stuff. I want to thank everyone for their comments, and I'll be more attentive to this thread if there's anything else you'd like to know.

tl;dr We're raising socially retarded robots who don't understand fun and have no personalities. I'm just as much at fault and am trying to fix it in a big way.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:16

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

The Bramble posted:

I (27F) pulled a gun on my CHEATING boyfriend (27M) of 3 years. How do I convince him to not divorce now?

I think he cheated and should be grateful I did not simply dump him!

Honestly not sure if she means breaking up with him or murdering him.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:16

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Batterypowered7 posted:

There was an update where a teacher told the OP (maybe both parents) that the older kid had a mini existential crisis when asked to draw whatever they wanted because they didn't understand what they were supposed to be learning from it, and that prompted the OP to finally set his foot down.

Jesus man no poo poo. I remember taking the kids out I'd nanny for, like to a playground or pet store or zoo, but it was more to let them wander around, and yes I'd tell them, hey, this fish is a guppy, what color is it? And then help them pick out other blue fish, but it wasn't like I'd nonstop talk about all the fish. Just hey, do you see a red bird? Awesome! And that one is yellow. Okay, ready to look at birds?

Then to the playground or just an area for them to run around, it wasn't like I asked them about velocity or poo poo. Little lessons are cool but kids don't need to only hear talking! Let them loving think!

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:16

GORDON: Jan 1, 2006; by Fluffdaddy

Megillah Gorilla posted:

^^^^ What the literal gently caress

Is the OP Irish?

I was picturing from India. I was wondering if they referred to her as "Colonizer."

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:19

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Mr. Lobe posted:

I wonder if they're some kind of common-law married now.

maybe it's Brazil, where divorce is or was so impossible that everyone stopped getting married and would just move in together, but take it almost as seriously as getting married. i think they have cow-boys and guns too.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:21

mobby_6kl: Aug 9, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

MarcusSA posted:

Honestly not sure if she means breaking up with him or murdering him.

...both?

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:25

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

Apologies, I am about 16 pages behind so I've only done a quick scan. This story was requested by Beachcomber and Invisble Clergy. Hopefully I can catch up on the thread soon and post new stories.

My (32F) wife (30F) of 4 years is "over-teaching" our kids (2 and 4M). EVERYTHING is either a learning experience or an opportunity to learn a "skill". I feel like I'm living in a children's workbook and I can't anymore.

Thanks! Saving so I don't need to ask for it again.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:27

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Atlas Hugged posted:

All of our skeletons are trapped in a meat prison.

I keep my skeletons in the closet.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:41

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

When you get right down to it, "you" are a brain riding inside a bone mech surrounded by meat armor.

Your skeleton is not inside you. You are inside your skeleton

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:46

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

mobby_6kl posted:

...both?

Definitely both.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:47

xtal: Jan 9, 2011; by Fluffdaddy

Well, for all you know, you are just a brain floating in a vat, technically.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 18:47

Deformed Church: May 12, 2012; 5'5", IQ 81

Assuming the brain is a real thing and not, itself, a lie.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 19:24

GORDON: Jan 1, 2006; by Fluffdaddy

Deformed Church posted:

Assuming the brain is a real thing and not, itself, a lie.

Everyone likes to say there's a spooky skeleton inside us all, but there's also a ghost.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 19:33

Angrymog: Jan 30, 2012; Really Madcats

GORDON posted:

Everyone likes to say there's a spooky skeleton inside us all, but there's also a ghost.

Would you say that this ghost is in a shell?
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Sorry. I'll get me coat.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 19:38

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Sagebrush posted:

When you get right down to it, "you" are a brain riding inside a bone mech surrounded by meat armor.

Your skeleton is not inside you. You are inside your skeleton

People are just the result of the jellyfish (meat) and robot (skellington) universes merging. We are robots inside jellyfish. :hai:

# ? Sep 13, 2020 19:43

Involuntary Sparkle: Aug 12, 2004; Chemo-kitties can have �accidents� too!

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

People are just the result of the jellyfish (meat) and robot (skellington) universes merging. We are robots inside jellyfish.

A good excuse to share this song:

Skeleton Man, Axis of Awesome

https://youtu.be/9u_v9H24PfY

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:03

Invisible Clergy: Sep 25, 2015; "Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"

Malachi 2:3

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

Apologies, I am about 16 pages behind so I've only done a quick scan. This story was requested by Beachcomber and Invisble Clergy. Hopefully I can catch up on the thread soon and post new stories.

My (32F) wife (30F) of 4 years is "over-teaching" our kids (2 and 4M). EVERYTHING is either a learning experience or an opportunity to learn a "skill". I feel like I'm living in a children's workbook and I can't anymore.

Thanks a million. I had waded through in reverse chronological ctrl-f ing for "teachable" and gotten to like page 2000 but clearly was in error. What may I ask were your winning criteria?

AITA for asking for a certain ethnicity employee serve me?

quote:

I'm Canadian-Italian; while I speak English, my parents do not; growing up I spoke Italian at home and English at school. I used to live in a neighborhood in Toronto with a predominant Italian population.

Our childhood grocery store was Italian run and while you could make due in English shopping there, you can forget about the patisserie counter, deli counter, etc unless you spoke at least some proficiency in Italian. Pointing at food only got you so far since many of the employees spoke Italian first.

It's been 25 years since I've been to this grocer and for some nostalgia sake as well as I had some errands in Toronto, I drove up and thought I'd surprise my husband back home with some nice cold cuts and pastries from my old stomping grounds.

I'm doing my shopping and I can tell things have changed. I know the grocer is still family run but a lot of the employees are no longer Italian. This is whatever. I do my shopping and get to the deli counter and start asking for some specific things and half of the things I wanted, the employee doesn't know what it is or cannot find it.

This employee isn't Italian, so I ask her if there's an Italian employee who can help me. This would go a lot faster and smoother if I can ask for what I want in Italian. Plus, an Italian employee is going to know every single thing I ask for and where to find it. A lot of products have Italian names or I don't know the name but can describe it well enough in Italian.

I guess my request was taken abrasive but she ended up calling over someone who could speak Italian and off we go. The first employee told me it was rude to speak in a different language in their presence and she assumed I was talking about her without her knowing. She said it was racist to assume she couldn't do her job because of her ethnicity/language. I just wanted some cold cuts.

Was I the rear end in a top hat?

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:11

Poohs Packin: Jan 13, 2019

I really need to understand this lady's level of italian fluency. Like I can picture her suburban Canadian boomer rear end just yelling "GABAGOOL" at the poor counter-person.

I used to have to deal with the Greek version of this lady all the time. YTA.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:25

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

The way she writes it is kinda irritating TBH.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:26

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

It's more fun to imagine her own Italian is so poor that the person who is used to selling Italian deli meats couldn't understand what the hell she was asking for, but the Italian speaking employee could make out "flat ham" and "round salami."

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:39

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

My (21F) flatmates (21F) keep giving me head lice

quote:

Hey, throwaway because my flatmates know my regular account.

I live in a flatshare with three beautiful girls I went to high school with. All three of them currently have head lice, and no matter what I do, I keep catching lice from them. We're in our final semester of uni, in Melbourne's pandemic lockdown, and this is making me slowly lose my mind.

Flatmate #1 has had a continuous lice problem since we were in school. She has young step-siblings she's close to who always have lice, because her dad and step-mum don't treat them. Her thick, slightly wavy halfie hair is a magnet for them, even though it's only down to her shoulders (self-cut since she can't go to a salon), so she's been managing the lice as a chronic problem by using regular wet combing to keep them to a light infestation level. When we all moved in with each other at the start of last year, she was honest and upfront that she still had lice, but promised to be careful and practised social distancing before it was cool. She even got her own ensuite (as she could afford to pay a bit more of the rent with her tutoring job), so I wasn't that worried once I tuned out her scratching. She really was very careful, and none of us caught her lice for a whole year.

However, Flatmate #2 works in childcare, and caught lice from the children she works with way back at the start of this year. She has fairly straight hair in a bob that she never ties up, so I think that's how she caught them. She shares a room with Flatmate #3, who has very long, very thick curly hair. By the time Flatmate #2 realised after weeks of itching that she had them, her hair was absolutely crawling with lice and she'd already given them to Flatmate #3 and me. My thick, straight hair down to my rear end didn't stand a chance.

When this happened, Flatmate #2 went out and bought the treatment shampoo for us, even though Flatmate #1 told her it was a waste of money. We stayed up all night treating our hair and doing the laundry, and then treated again a week later, and we thought we were clear.

We weren't. After one more failed attempt, Flatmates #2 and #3 gave up and haven't attempted treatment since. I've tried asking them, but, beyond a vague promise to try again when we finally start coming out of lockdown and actually interacting with other people again, they just can't be bothered, giving excuses like, "We'll just get them at work again," "They're not that bad," "We're in lockdown anyway," and "If we miss even just one egg, we have to start again, so what's the point?" They've also convinced Flatmate #1 that her regular combing and social distancing is now pointless, so now all three of them are flouncing around the flat with untreated lice in their hair.

I get that they're busy with final year assignments and trying to get jobs for next year, but so am I, and I still find time and energy to try and get rid of the lice each and every time they spread them to me. I know they're technically harmless, but they're an extremely itchy nuisance and I'm sick of all the scratching. I keep my hair up when I'm not in my room and try to stay socially distanced from my flatmates, but it's hard in such a small flat when they flick their hair around everywhere and are constantly scratching over everything. I keep my stuff in the shared bathroom separate. I've tried prevention sprays and I've tried wearing a shower cap. Nothing works.

My friends aren't dirty (Flatmate #1 is especially neat, clean and well-dressed, but none of us are slobs), but this is disgusting. I'm over it, and starting to go insane with this never-ending cycle of catching lice and having to treat myself only to just get them again. Flatmate #3 has suggested giving up for now and treating when we're coming out of lockdown, and Flatmate #1 has offered to help wet comb my hair to at least keep things under control for me, but I really don't want to have to live with lice. I mean, we're adults! I haven't had them since I was in Year 6.

These are very good friends of mine, so I really don't want to cause a fight or have to move out. I just want to not get lice.

Is there anything I can do?

TL;DR: All of my flatmates currently have head lice and aren't trying to treat themselves. I'm sick of constantly catching them, but don't want to cause a fight. What do I do?

loving gross. I remember training a new employee who didn't tell me her daughter was sent home from school due to head lice. We were sharing a work van at the time so I freaked the gently caress out.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:44

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Cowslips Warren posted:

My (21F) flatmates (21F) keep giving me head lice

I live in a flatshare with three beautiful girls

The rest of the story doesn�t line up with this.

quote:

My friends aren't dirty

This story really grosses me out.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:48

Quantum of Phallus: Dec 27, 2010

Cowslips Warren posted:

My (21F) flatmates (21F) keep giving me head lice

how the gently caress are people in their 20s catching headlice IN LOCKDOWN

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:48

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

She says she spoke Italian at home and English at school. If she's anything like me (Spanish at home, English at school), then Italian was the first language she spoke and she's probably perfectly fluent.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:50

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

Invisible Clergy posted:

AITA for asking for a certain ethnicity employee serve me?

This is who pronounces soppressata, SOPARESSET.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:51

don longjohns: Mar 2, 2012

MarcusSA posted:

The rest of the story doesn’t line up with this.

This story really grosses me out.

I know lice love clean hair, but... 🤮

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:53

Poohs Packin: Jan 13, 2019

Batterypowered7 posted:

She says she spoke Italian at home and English at school. If she's anything like me (Spanish at home, English at school), then Italian was the first language she spoke and she's probably perfectly fluent.

While this may be true; I'd like to cite the 10s of thousands of Italian Americans in the Tri-State region who, while growing up surrounded by Italian speakers can barely say "Canoli" without dripping hair-gel on their track pants.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 21:57

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

The_Continental posted:

While this may be true; I'd like to cite the 10s of thousands of Italian Americans in the Tri-State region who, while growing up surrounded by Italian speakers can barely say "Canoli" without dripping hair-gel on their track pants.

Those people are 4th and 5th generation, not second generation.

The head lice person should drug everyone and shave all their heads, including their own, and then bugbomb the house.

# ? Sep 13, 2020 22:05

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# ? May 14, 2024 21:13

number 1 snake fan: Jul 16, 2018

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

Apologies, I am about 16 pages behind so I've only done a quick scan. This story was requested by Beachcomber and Invisble Clergy. Hopefully I can catch up on the thread soon and post new stories.

My (32F) wife (30F) of 4 years is "over-teaching" our kids (2 and 4M). EVERYTHING is either a learning experience or an opportunity to learn a "skill". I feel like I'm living in a children's workbook and I can't anymore.

This mom owns, actually. Her kids will probably be way ahead of the curve when they start school, and the way that she's teaching them stuff is very age appropriate. Also wtf does he mean they aren't having fun, all that sounds like they had loads of fun and they weren't complaining!

E: gently caress, never mind i just read the update

at least they're being proactive about it

number 1 snake fan fucked around with this message at 22:32 on Sep 13, 2020

# ? Sep 13, 2020 22:23

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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