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Zore posted:Harry/Ron/Hermione gently caress around in the woods for a year while Voldemort takes over Britain. We get an endless amount of new ~Wand Lore~ and hyper powerful magical artifacts no one mentioned up until this point. There is a long running subplot where we learn Dumbledore was bffs with Wizard Hitler and had family drama because of it (this is where JKR later inserted that he was gay). They eventually make it back to Hogwarts have a final battle where a bunch of people die (and we learn Snape was a good guy all along! Also he forces Harry to look him in the eyes as he's dying so he can pretend its Harry's mom doing so) I got too scared by your summary and closed my eyes! I STILL don't know how it ends!
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Oct 9, 2020 19:23
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Zore posted:Skip ahead 19 years later, Harry married Ginny and decided to name his second kid loving Albus Severus Potter because he hates him I guess. Too long to be a thread title unfortunately.
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Oct 9, 2020 20:00
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FunkyAl posted:I got too scared by your summary and closed my eyes! I STILL don't know how it ends! Dumbledore's ghost glances over the top of his ghost newspaper and tells Dead Harry "yeah I planned it just like this".
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Oct 9, 2020 20:03
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So I kinda sorta half watched the second fantastic beasts and I guess Grindelwald being 1. german and 2. allies with Hitler is just tossed out now? Also why the gently caress is the wizard pokémon movie about this poo poo?
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Oct 9, 2020 20:28
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It was written by a committee of idiots trying to check all the boxes.
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Oct 9, 2020 20:46
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Presumably because somewhere along the early production of the first movie they realized that test audiences didn't give a gently caress about magical pokemon and they had to make a more concrete connection to the book plot which resulted in weaving the Dumbledore/Grindelwald story in and sidelining Newt in what is supposed to be his own movies.
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Oct 9, 2020 20:53
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Jkr wrote them and she only knows how to tell one story
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Oct 9, 2020 21:09
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josh04 posted:Dumbledore's ghost glances over the top of his ghost newspaper and tells Dead Harry "yeah I planned it just like this". What I'm seeing is, that Voldemort is still on the loose and Harry Potter, our last hope, Has now died and been abducted by a ghost. I hate to say it folks, but it might just be time to pledge allegiance to the dark lord
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Oct 9, 2020 22:36
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FunkyAl posted:What I'm seeing is, that Voldemort is still on the loose and Harry Potter, our last hope, Has now died and been abducted by a ghost. I hate to say it folks, but it might just be time to pledge allegiance to the dark lord I'm a slytherin. Way ahead of you, boss. magical e: not a nazi, just trying to save my skin!
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Oct 9, 2020 22:51
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FunkyAl posted:What I'm seeing is, that Voldemort is still on the loose and Harry Potter, our last hope, Has now died and been abducted by a ghost. I hate to say it folks, but it might just be time to pledge allegiance to the dark lord But wait, there's a twist!
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Oct 9, 2020 23:07
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josh04 posted:But wait, there's a twist! I'm sorry, it's all over. The time has come. All hail he who must not be pictured. 
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Oct 9, 2020 23:54
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Zesty posted:It was written by a committee of idiots trying to check all the boxes. Isn't it entirely the product of Rowling?
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Oct 10, 2020 00:27
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Is that worse or better?
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Oct 10, 2020 00:33
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Worse. The films aren't the result of a committee trying and failing to reconcile mutually exclusive viewpoints and to create a shoggoth that appeals to everyone. It's the result of a single idiot trying and failing to tell what they consider to be a good story.
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Oct 10, 2020 03:27
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The new movies are bad save Depp's performance. Apparently Minerva Mcgonagall, born 1935, is working at Hogwarts as a professor in the lead-up to 1945. Magic.
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Oct 10, 2020 16:40
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That’s 70 in cat years, though.
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Oct 10, 2020 18:53
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Cranappleberry posted:The new movies are bad save Depp's performance. Vampire.
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Oct 10, 2020 18:54
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rAzjEDIyEI
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Oct 10, 2020 22:08
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-2ZxldMO-M
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Oct 11, 2020 01:53
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reignofevil posted:Well, to be fair, he also has a man's face growing out of the back of his head. The book was also written before the US declared war on "those turban-y types" and the UK joined immediately, so I'd believe Rowling was just trying to think of a hat that covered the back of your head. Still, it would have been better if he had been wearing one of these guys. 
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Oct 11, 2020 12:59
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The Moon Monster posted:The book was also written before the US declared war on "those turban-y types" and the UK joined immediately, so I'd believe Rowling was just trying to think of a hat that covered the back of your head. Still, it would have been better if he had been wearing one of these guys. Hell, in Australia hats with neck protection are compulsory in school outdoors, there's a national no hat no play policy. (Australia & New Zealand are the world's melanoma capital by like an order of magnitude, so there's been some major campaigns over it, and we all just had to get used to looking dorky.) Although I've never seen one quite like that, it's either a standard wide-brim hat or a legionnaires hat like so:  My primary (elementary) school used those, most do. Secondary schools tend to use wide-brimmed more, I think. MikeJF fucked around with this message at 13:19 on Oct 11, 2020 |
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Oct 11, 2020 13:12
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I'm just now remembering that in the mystical and whimsical realm of Harry Potter where anything is possible and only limited one a wizard's imagination the most climactic duel in history is a DBZ beam clash 
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Oct 11, 2020 15:09
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Also in the first book there's like a whole chapter about how each wand is special, unique, and above all chooses the wizard! And then by the end it turns out that, nah, you can just used whatever wand you find lying around it doesn't really matter.
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Oct 11, 2020 15:11
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Who What Now posted:Also in the first book there's like a whole chapter about how each wand is special, unique, and above all chooses the wizard! And then by the end it turns out that, nah, you can just used whatever wand you find lying around it doesn't really matter. No, it's still consistent with what was established in the first book - that the wand chooses the wizard, and if you try to use a wand that doesn't like you, it won't work as well for you. The thing that changes between the first book and the last book is that we learn that wands are extremely fickle and will swap loyalties the moment you defeat their current owner. What counts as "defeating" someone can range from killing them to just giving them a massive wedgie, knocking them down and yanking the wand out of their hand.
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Oct 11, 2020 17:09
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The Shrieking Shack pointed out that it seems like JKR was lowkey coding Rita Skeeter as a trans woman, rather grossly, in her first appearance and now I can't unsee it.
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Oct 11, 2020 17:38
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Albus Severus Potter. A.S.P. asp Snakes Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaakes
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Oct 11, 2020 21:04
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The Moon Monster posted:The book was also written before the US declared war on "those turban-y types" and the UK joined immediately, so I'd believe Rowling was just trying to think of a hat that covered the back of your head. The US, famous for not getting involved in the middle east until after 1997. To say nothing of UK's involvement with the Middle East until that point as well. Zesty fucked around with this message at 21:10 on Oct 11, 2020 |
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Oct 11, 2020 21:06
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W.T. Fits posted:No, it's still consistent with what was established in the first book - that the wand chooses the wizard, and if you try to use a wand that doesn't like you, it won't work as well for you. Harry ultimately prevails not because of his skill, or intelligence, or his friends, or his or really even Dumbledore's plan, or anything he did on his own. He wins because Draco hosed up Dumbledore's plan by disarming him, which made him the accidental master of the super wand, and then later in another book Harry disarms Malfoy making him the accidental master of the super wand, and so when Voldemort tries to kill Harry with the super wand it goes "no u" and backfires on him. The final battle is the villain accidentally killing himself because he violated some obscure technicality of wand ownership because of a situation nobody was aware of besides Harry, and even he didn't realize it until like five minutes before the final battle. Really nothing Harry and friends did in the final book mattered. Even if Voldy still had horcruxes lying around I don't see how he was going to resurrect from like, a cup or an amulet that were hidden in the deepest darkest recesses of Hogwarts that none of his followers knew about. Presumably the only really dangerous horcrux was the snake, and it's Neville who kills that bad boy. Sydin fucked around with this message at 21:13 on Oct 11, 2020 |
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Oct 11, 2020 21:11
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Sydin posted:Really nothing Harry and friends did in the final book mattered. Even if Voldy still had horcruxes lying around I don't see how he was going to resurrect from like, a cup or an amulet that were hidden in the deepest darkest recesses of Hogwarts that none of his followers knew about. Presumably the only really dangerous horcrux was the snake, and it's Neville who kills that bad boy. Horcruxes aren't like phylacteries in D&D. He doesn't go into the thing and resurrect from it, it just anchors his soul to the mortal plane so that it doesn't go on to the afterlife. Then he can have his idiot followers brew up another "grow me a new body" potion. He just went further than most wizards in the past had done and created multiple horcruxes because he was a wizarding weeb who was enamored by the symbolism of splitting his soul into seven parts, and because he wanted to have extras just on the off-chance someone was actually able to find one, break it and then kill him. So at the very least, finding and breaking all the horcruxes was a necessary step that mattered, it's just that Dumbledore's plan didn't go any further than that. "Okay, Harry, you need to find and destroy all of Voldemort's horcruxes, so that when he finally does die, it sticks." "Okay, and what do we do after that?" "What do you mean?" "After we've taken care of the horcruxes, what's the plan for taking down Voldemort?" "Meh, just loving wing it, kid, you'll be fine."
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Oct 11, 2020 21:28
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Yeah, remember last time Voldemort died he turned into like some kind of spirit form and then posessed Quirrell less than 10 years later and got back on track with the whole 'coming back to life' thing. The after getting blown out of Quirrell he's back with Peter's help in under two years with a rudimentary body that he can cast magic with while waiting for the insanely complicated 'abduct and send Harry to a graveyard' plan to go off. \ And that ritual didn't need Harry, he just didn't want to be burned when they touched. Its a theoretically infinitely repeatable thing because its not like he's lacking in idiot minions or enemies, the only thing that might eventually put a damper on it is using up all of his father's bones. Honestly its super weird he just hung out in Romania for like a decade until Quirrell came along in retrospect.
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Oct 11, 2020 21:37
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lmao the good guys are super lucky Voldy was such a weirdo wizard weeb, because if he had any sense he would have just picked a random grain of sand in the Sahara or a rock that he chucked into the ocean to be his new soul anchor and bam: 100% immortal forever and there's gently caress all anybody can do about it.
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Oct 11, 2020 21:47
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Zore posted:Yeah, remember last time Voldemort died he turned into like some kind of spirit form and then posessed Quirrell less than 10 years later and got back on track with the whole 'coming back to life' thing. The after getting blown out of Quirrell he's back with Peter's help in under two years with a rudimentary body that he can cast magic with while waiting for the insanely complicated 'abduct and send Harry to a graveyard' plan to go off. \ I think he kinda was supposed to be lacking minions. Pettigrew and Crouch Jr were the only ones willing to risk anything to aid him (other than the folks in Azkaban.) Malfoy and the rest of the crew came back only after he rezzed, because they were scared of him/wanted to be on the winning side. Voldy implies that he knows this in the graveyard and Crouch Jr spells it out in his frothing villain rant after he’s revealed.
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Oct 11, 2020 22:33
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:I think he kinda was supposed to be lacking minions. Pettigrew and Crouch Jr were the only ones willing to risk anything to aid him (other than the folks in Azkaban.) Malfoy and the rest of the crew came back only after he rezzed, because they were scared of him/wanted to be on the winning side. Voldy implies that he knows this in the graveyard and Crouch Jr spells it out in his frothing villain rant after he’s revealed. Right, that explains why he has a hard time coming back the first time. If Harry had somehow merc'd him after the resurrection without destroying the rest of the horcruxes I feel like he wouldn't have had nearly as hard a time with minions the second time around since he had proved his immortality.
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Oct 11, 2020 22:40
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W.T. Fits posted:So at the very least, finding and breaking all the horcruxes was a necessary step that mattered, it's just that Dumbledore's plan didn't go any further than that. Honestly, I love the part in book 7 where Aberforth just lays into Harry how lovely Dumbledore's plan was. "What's that, kid? My rear end in a top hat brother sent you on a quest to do something that could defeat that Dark Lord bumblefuck? Does he have any allies for you? Did he give you any supplies to make the quest easier to do? Did he ever bother training a little kid like you?" And Harry couldn't refute any of that, other than some vague mumbling about how they still had to do their mission. Harry was so ill-prepared that it's like Dumbledore wanted Voldemort to win.
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Oct 11, 2020 23:56
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I still remember being flabbergasted my first time reading Book 6 that Dumbledore didn't take any time in his private sessions with Harry to teach him like, any magic that could be helpful. Just a bunch of pouring over old memories. Hell at a minimum maybe pick up where he left off with those anti-mindreading magic lessons? Like you know you're going to send this kid off to fight an incredibly powerful wizard within a year, really no useful spells you could impart, even just support stuff for his journey?
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Oct 12, 2020 00:06
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Making it unforgivably evil to kill murderous wizard nazis with the painless death spell is incredibly centrist lib
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Oct 12, 2020 00:45
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In the first book, the characters were able to take what they learned in school and apply it directly to the challenges they faced, and after that, the books really tailed off in showing the value of learning. I don't remember much about school in the second book, I don't think Harry really learned anything, and at the end, he's saved by the contrivance of randomly appearing magical items. The third book was complex and Harry takes lessons after class to learn how to cast one of the two spells that he's actually good at, so at the end there is the unlikely contrivance of Hermione's time traveling device, but there's also Harry using that one spell to save himself. Harry starts electives as well, and although he doesn't personally learn anything (partially by choice from taking a class he expected to be useless) at least the reader can absorb information. In the fourth book, everyone around Harry is furiously coaching him to survive the 3 wizard tournament, but all Harry really absorbs is the one spell that Madeye Moody beats into his head, and it turns out in the end he's not really personally responsible for any of his successes that year. I guess he did have the willpower to force Voldemort's wand to vomit? Willpower that Moody probably helped him cultivate by teaching him to resist the mind control curse, so I guess school winds up being useful that year. In the fifth book, classes start becoming an active impediment to learning anything and Harry starts a club where other kids start learning outside of class, but I don't think he learns much himself. Fred and George drop out of school, and all the adults in Harry's life are too busy with things offscreen to help him. In the sixth book, Harry actually gets a book with secret notes that he learns some from, but Hermione gets angry at him for it. Snape gives him after-class lessons on how to resist his mind being read, but I don't think that ever particularly comes in handy, and after he learns that Snape wrote the notes, he actively decides to not use anything he learned from the notes ever again. Also Dumbledore gives him after school classes where he explicitly doesn't teach Harry anything for the sake of keeping secrets, and it's just an unpaid internship. The biggest thing Harry accomplishes in that book is with the help of a performance enhancing drug. And then in the seventh book, Harry drops out of school, almost dies in the woods, and eventually goes back to find out that everyone who didn't drop out is way cooler and more effective than him. Luckily, at the last moment he has a brain fart about the rules of Dumbledore's super special wand, and it turns out that's enough to save the world. Edgar Allen Ho posted:Making it unforgivably evil to kill murderous wizard nazis with the painless death spell is incredibly centrist lib I don't think anyone ever gets punished just for the use of an "unforgivable" curse, so there's nothing really unforgivable about them. In the last couple books they just sling them around like nobody's business because there's no time to think of more creative solutions to problems.
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Oct 12, 2020 01:55
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SlothfulCobra posted:In the sixth book, Harry actually gets a book with secret notes that he learns some from, but Hermione gets angry at him for it. Snape gives him after-class lessons on how to resist his mind being read, but I don't think that ever particularly comes in handy, and after he learns that Snape wrote the notes, he actively decides to not use anything he learned from the notes ever again. Also Dumbledore gives him after school classes where he explicitly doesn't teach Harry anything for the sake of keeping secrets, and it's just an unpaid internship. The biggest thing Harry accomplishes in that book is with the help of a performance enhancing drug. The anti-mind reading training was in the fifth book, and Snape stopped giving Harry lessons after he caught Harry poking around in some memories he'd pulled out of his own head specifically to make sure Harry didn't accidentally see them during the training. Harry didn't particularly see this as a bad thing, partly because he already hated Snape anyway, partly because it didn't seem like the training was working (because Snape is too much of an unprofessional shitbag to put aside his grudge to do his drat job), and partly because the memory in question was of Snape getting bullied by Harry's dad and the other Marauders, and Snape calling Harry's mom the wizard equivalent of the N word when she tried to stop them. As for the notes in the potions book, Harry hid the book after he accidentally nearly killed Draco with a "cut my enemies like a loving pig" spell, and didn't learn it was Snape's old book until the very end of the story when Harry was chasing him down to try and kill him after he merc'd Dumbledore. W.T. Fits fucked around with this message at 02:18 on Oct 12, 2020 |
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Oct 12, 2020 02:15
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Who What Now posted:I'm just now remembering that in the mystical and whimsical realm of Harry Potter where anything is possible and only limited one a wizard's imagination the most climactic duel in history is a DBZ beam clash If Goku went to Hogwarts he would have defeated Voldemort by book 3
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Oct 12, 2020 02:38
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Harry is an overly passive protagonist, that is a definite flaw in the series. However, one year of coaching a 16-year-old is not going to let them fight and defeat Mike Tyson. Nothing Dumbledore could teach Harry in a year would let him defeat a guy who has spent almost a century traveling the world and learning more about magic than anyone else alive. And this just fits with the themes of the series which are very Christian. Blessed are the humble and the meek. Hermione says it in the first book - Harry is a better wizard than her because while he isn't as book smart or clever, he has a pure heart and is driven selflessly by love. That is where Voldemort is weak and it is what lets Harry beat him in Book 7. It was not power or skill that allowed Frodo to resist he Ring, it was his pure heart. Defeating Voldemort or Sauron through force of arms is both impossible and goes against the core ideas of the two series. Unsatisfying perhaps but thematically consistent. NikkolasKing fucked around with this message at 02:44 on Oct 12, 2020 |
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Oct 12, 2020 02:41
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