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Hey IT. It’s 2021 could we have some wifi? *small gnomish man looks up from his password reseting and emits a screech of ones and zeroes before howling that un sanctified machines are heresy and blessed are the minds too small to doubt*
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Feb 2, 2021 03:08
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Noblesse Obliged posted:Hey IT. It’s 2021 could we have some wifi? Tech priests aren't really into that aspect of the imperial cult, they'll jam any piece of tech into their nose if they think it's neat enough
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Feb 2, 2021 03:18
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Noblesse Obliged posted:Hey IT. It’s 2021 could we have some wifi? Sorry everybody called you an idiot/rear end in a top hat. I mean, it’s tru, but still, sorry
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Feb 2, 2021 03:33
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Why do IT nerds love Linux so much? It’s a 500kb daemon in a 14 year old body
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Feb 2, 2021 03:50
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No but seriously IT Helpdesk people are comrades and I really appreciate the support they give me. I also know the support will be coming to an end just when they finally get around to deploying me.
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Feb 2, 2021 04:10
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I worked at a power company as a software developer for a while, and it was a pretty good place overall but some senior manager had the biggest hardon ever for making sure that there was not any "double standard" between office staff who touch computers all day and field staff who touch HV all day. Every person had to get their "construction white card" which is a trivial set of training typically used to induct people onto building sites. It typically takes a whole day so everyone rolled their eyes and got it done. Another time they banned high heels as a surprise announcement during a town hall. They actually walked this one back the next day due to mutiny from the female office staff.
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Feb 2, 2021 05:48
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Extra Large Marge posted:We somehow started using Skype, Webex Teams, Microsoft Teams, and Slack all at once. Some people now just use one and passive aggressively refuse to answer any messages on the other platforms. Holy poo poo, us too. Someone joined the company who I used to work with in another company, so I dropped him a message on Webex to say hi. I never heard back from him, so I just assumed he didn't really care about it. Six months later he replied and said that the team he started with primarily uses Slack so he's never even opened Webex, and now he has a million unread IMs.
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Feb 2, 2021 05:55
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i have lunch hour meetings on wednesday and thursday but i take those as permission to not do any work for several hours after
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Feb 2, 2021 06:06
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A job I worked had a pretty large amount of Russian and Vietnamese speakers so they would of course speak to each other in their language. I'm assuming someone complained, who most likely didn't work in their department and one of our managers sent out an email basically saying you can't talk in your native tongue because it makes others feel left out. This is one of the largest companies that prides itself as being 100% tolerant, diverse, and inclusive and the manager is a minority person. Honestly shocked it didn't go to HR or result in some kind of lawsuit
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Feb 2, 2021 08:12
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Full Metal Jackass posted:Lord I pray for a boss that would be non-existent. Except, that non-existent boss should/could be you - get him fired ASAP.
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Feb 3, 2021 00:03
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We use Webex teams for chat and my group is the only one in the company who has IM, which I absolutely love, not getting daily requests over IM from someone who thought to look me up in the chat system. My shithead new coworker has a weird hard on for Jabber and has been pushing to deploy it company wide. I will never, ever open up jabber if they go through with it, I’ll uninstall it every morning if I need to.
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Feb 3, 2021 00:17
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my company got bought last year. just got informed that the new CEO (a billionaire/owner of the company) gets every single employee's yearly goals emailed to him and regularly reads them and responds to them  20,000 employees. that's not insane at all
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Feb 3, 2021 00:23
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Tetramin posted:We use Webex teams for chat and my group is the only one in the company who has IM, which I absolutely love, not getting daily requests over IM from someone who thought to look me up in the chat system. I use jabber everyday. Oh and also teams. And webex. This is my life.
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Feb 3, 2021 00:36
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Thursday Next posted:lol if you don't do this I just want to look up these games now Pro-strats
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Feb 3, 2021 10:33
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~Coxy posted:Every person had to get their "construction white card" which is a trivial set of training typically used to induct people onto building sites. It typically takes a whole day so everyone rolled their eyes and got it done. For anyone who isn't in Australia - white card training, which allows you to enter or exit a building site, basically consists of an eight hour long power point presentation explaining the importance of wearing a hard hat and obeying signs. At the end of the day you take a test proving you retained all that complex knowledge. In order to pass the test you must get 100% correct. You're not allowed to fail, because the company won't get paid if you do, so if you're not sure what the answer is the instructor will actually tell you what to write down. Every training company does this - and everyone knows that they're all doing this. This is how Australian governments and companies handle liability. I have to retake a first aid class every three years. I have never once had to issue first aid and consequently have never been able to retain the knowledge I learned in one of those eight hour classes. If someone at my work site got a chemical burn I'd call 000 (equivalent of 911) and ask them what to do, because I'd almost certainly make it worse if I freestyled it. Yet even if I killed someone issuing first aid, provided my training was up to date, everyone is shielded from liability. Tens of thousands of people in Australia are employed in this scam of an industry.
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Feb 3, 2021 11:11
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Aardvark! posted:my company got bought last year. just got informed that the new CEO (a billionaire/owner of the company) gets every single employee's yearly goals emailed to him and regularly reads them and responds to them Assuming he spends 10 minutes on each one so he can do 6 an hour thats over 3,300 working hours a year. That dude is lucky there is no board and he's the owner because they would fire him instantly. Yes I am aware he does not actually read them, its an irritating power move to waist subordinates time and make everyone unhappy
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Feb 3, 2021 11:24
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Nvm
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Feb 3, 2021 13:33
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Pekinduck posted:Here ya go! from "Graveyard Grandma" who sadly doesn't seem to be active anymore this is 50FA and he still posts, most recent was about roadtripping with a band and beating up nazis
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Feb 3, 2021 17:47
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50 min long mandated "New Years Catch Up" virtual meeting (Its the public sector so we have mercifully few of these types of things). The majority of us are at least mildly inconvenienced. After 40 mins of pleasantries and non-updates lulling everyone into a false sense of security the director goes "Im going to take the whole group off of mute so that we can have a Q and A session". And of course somebody had long since taken their headset off and was on a personal call talking about what a piece of poo poo the treasurer is etc. It took everyone who was still paying attention about 10 secs to id the culprit based on the "microphone active" icon at which point you could hear a flurry of ~500 fingers trying to warn them to STFU through the IM program we use. I am blissfully unaware of the fallout but great job unmuting everyone w/o (ample) notice.
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Feb 3, 2021 23:05
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Hahahahaha classic Jeff
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Feb 3, 2021 23:19
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BhindiBhaji Boogie posted:50 min long mandated "New Years Catch Up" virtual meeting (Its the public sector so we have mercifully few of these types of things). The majority of us are at least mildly inconvenienced. After 40 mins of pleasantries and non-updates lulling everyone into a false sense of security the director goes "Im going to take the whole group off of mute so that we can have a Q and A session". And of course somebody had long since taken their headset off and was on a personal call talking about what a piece of poo poo the treasurer is etc. It took everyone who was still paying attention about 10 secs to id the culprit based on the "microphone active" icon at which point you could hear a flurry of ~500 fingers trying to warn them to STFU through the IM program we use. I am blissfully unaware of the fallout but great job unmuting everyone w/o (ample) notice. Pros dosconnect the microphone on their own end before denigrating their terrible bosses
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Feb 3, 2021 23:54
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My boss has a wall of several hundred funko pops setup behind him in an obviously proud display which he uses to frame video calls and every time I see it I inhale in a shaky way like I imagine you do right before you die.
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Feb 4, 2021 00:07
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someone put the loving staff call on hold today at which point the entire company was treated to 15 minutes of deafening hold music and hundreds of lost man-hours they literally will never learn. it's insane
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Feb 4, 2021 00:13
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Boiled Water posted:Pros dosconnect the microphone on their own end before denigrating their terrible bosses Good job! Now everyone can hear you in lovely laptop mic quality! The actual pro way to do it is to keep the Sounds control panel open and actually disable the microphone device itself.
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Feb 4, 2021 00:37
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I physically destroy the audio chip on the motherboard with a blowtorch.
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Feb 4, 2021 01:52
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Boiled Water posted:Pros dosconnect the microphone on their own end before denigrating their terrible bosses Yep. Can't hear me against my will.
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Feb 4, 2021 02:55
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Lol if you don't set your input device to be whatever is playing through your speakers like a sonic drill of feedback directed at whoever addresses you
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Feb 4, 2021 04:26
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explosivo posted:We're moving onto a new ticket system because the rest of the company is and we're being forced to, but our engineering group is so stubborn and has the company wrapped around their finger that they refused to change and are sticking with JIRA which actually works a lot better for their needs than this new one. As it turns out the new ticket system is barely ready and still mostly broken after being in the works for about a year now but because they've poured so many resources into it they're forcing everyone to migrate NOW and provide DAILY FEEDBACK about how GREAT this new system is. Alternatively, I'd just use JIRA and not the new system until I was let go. I work on the engineering team & this is probably why they're still allowed to use JIRA. Khorne fucked around with this message at 05:25 on Feb 4, 2021 |
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Feb 4, 2021 05:21
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Aardvark! posted:my company got bought last year. just got informed that the new CEO (a billionaire/owner of the company) gets every single employee's yearly goals emailed to him and regularly reads them and responds to them In your My Goals This Year just write "eat terds" and see what he says My dumb thing is I am too nice to my cat, so he always comes up to me when I'm on the phone during a meeting or helping someone with something and starts mewing to get me to pet him and go into the other room to play. I usually oblige because it's more fun than working AHH F/UGH fucked around with this message at 06:11 on Feb 4, 2021 |
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Feb 4, 2021 06:06
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Salt Fish posted:My boss has a wall of several hundred funko pops setup behind him in an obviously proud display which he uses to frame video calls and every time I see it I inhale in a shaky way like I imagine you do right before you die. Do you work in a virginity factory?
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Feb 4, 2021 06:36
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i'm the most senior employee at my company, largely because of turnover in the industry, and i hate job hunting and i get paid pretty well. we have three products, i'm the only person who has ever seen the old product in action and one of two people who knows how the middle product works. everyone else of our many employees works on developing or selling the new product, which has a healthy and growing market share. a decent amount of our yearly revenue comes from recurring licensing on the older two products, which are entirely my responsibility to support. the total revenue from these zombie fees more than covers my salary our time tracking software has many categories for new product development, but only one category for legacy product support. the legacy products also have their own ticketing system, of which i am the only user, and most of the tickets which are opened are automated notifications to long dormant email addresses, which i close immediately. about two in five tickets are actual product questions, nearly all of the time questions with easy answers. so my ticket closure metrics are fantastic. because it appears from the outside that i am working very diligently holding down the rear guard of legacy revenue by myself like some kind of magical hero, nearly everyone in the company leaves me alone. seriously, when people ask me to get on a call to explain some obscure feature or to book a training session, they approach me like they've just climbed a mountain to speak to an ancient monk who only speaks in obscure riddles of perfect wisdom. i'm not even middle aged, its wild the level of reverence my coworkers have for me like i'm some kind of greybeard who invented telephones or some poo poo i've also inherited a large number of oddball responsibilities due to my long tenure, including the actual physical hardware of our remaining server stack which isn't yet moved to the cloud, for reasons. we have an offshore devops guy who is my work buddy, and he gets paid in american dollars and not local currency, so he's very happy and not wanting to rock the boat. i wire up the hardware in the small office the company rented on the edge of town because it is cheap during covid times. the office is also used sometimes to pretend to clients our all-virtual firm has a physical presence, and most of the VPs have vanity offices so they can say to their spouses "i need to head to the office" and they sit in the quiet of a half vacant office park. otherwise the site is only used for our in-house servers, and my devops pal manages these servers remotely. this arrangement suits the both of us just fine because it seems more complicated than it really is. because it is a pile of blinking boxes and cables, clearly it is only to be touched by the qualified thing-knower, me some time ago, the CEO messages me with an urgent problem. one of our critical build servers is nonresponsive. if my schedule isn't too busy, could i drive out there immediately and check on it? well, my schedule is completely open, so i tell the CEO i'm setting all other tasks aside and treating this as my highest priority. i drive out there and pass through security - who is surprised to see anyone other than the c-suite who use the office as a place to flee their home offices - and i check on the box. it got hung up during an automatic update, and someone needs to press F1 to continue. with all my skill and might, i press F1. the server boots, and i verify it booted and is on the network, and i text the CEO personally to let him know the problem is now resolved, and the core dev team can now continue their work for this feat of monumental heroism and prowess, i get a companywide attaboy email and a personal shoutout at our next all hands meeting Play posted:someone put the loving staff call on hold today at which point the entire company was treated to 15 minutes of deafening hold music and hundreds of lost man-hours technically i am still the PBX admin, but nobody uses the phone tree anymore. back when it was in common use, in the Before Times when people made calls, i would flex my power by threatening (jokingly) to give people annoying hold music so that the people they put on hold would be angrier when finally picked up anyway, http://conferencecall.biz/ Mr. Fall Down Terror fucked around with this message at 08:45 on Feb 4, 2021 |
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Feb 4, 2021 08:20
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Noblesse Obliged posted:Hey IT. It’s 2021 could we have some wifi? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq_ivuq4PvM
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Feb 4, 2021 13:18
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Mr. Fall Down Terror posted:i'm the most senior employee at my company, largely because of turnover in the industry, and i hate job hunting and i get paid pretty well. we have three products, i'm the only person who has ever seen the old product in action and one of two people who knows how the middle product works. everyone else of our many employees works on developing or selling the new product, which has a healthy and growing market share. a decent amount of our yearly revenue comes from recurring licensing on the older two products, which are entirely my responsibility to support. the total revenue from these zombie fees more than covers my salary Lol
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Feb 4, 2021 13:46
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Our project uses Zoom, Slack, Teams, Whatsapp, Signal, Basecamp and Skype to communicate in various small enclaves. Some people only share their stuff and have their meetings on Teams. Others have all their stuff on Basecamp and communicate only on Whatsapp voice calls. Some others have a Whatsapp group chat and use Basecamp and Google Docs to store info. Beyond the horrible chore of trying to figure out which of the 57 different things we're using for this particular meeting, finding information is a loving nightmare. Oh the UI designer has some new mockups for me to look at and they're at the "usual place"? 20 minutes of trying to remember which place this particular guy uploads to, and which of the 5700 folders they're using. We're constantly having to redo work because someone used the specs from Document A (in folder B on Basecamp), whereas they were supposed to use the specs from Document X (in subfolder XYZ on a Google Docs share that is only shared with one guy) and amazingly forgot. You could literally write a cautionary textbook on what not to do in project management based on this project.
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Feb 4, 2021 13:58
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My old job had a "no more useless team meetings, maaaan. Meetings are a dumb tool of the corporate culture and so you should be attending AS FEW MEETINGS AS POSSIBLE" this, of course, led to nobody knowing what the hell everyone else was doing and my boss ragged on all of us for not being transparent/engaged enough. Programmers never need to talk to artists or designers, right?
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Feb 4, 2021 13:59
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Temp check to come into office People come to work before temp check starts Spend hours in office, then get checked Oops, got a fever, could be Covid Office: "no, we're doing all we can to stop the spread"
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Feb 4, 2021 14:02
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Aardvark! posted:my company got bought last year. just got informed that the new CEO (a billionaire/owner of the company) gets every single employee's yearly goals emailed to him and regularly reads them and responds to them You clearly aren't reading like a billionaire If Enrique reads it then it still counts as me 
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Feb 4, 2021 14:26
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I work for county government. That alone should tell you the amount of bullshit my job entails. Literally every single decision you make has to go up the chain of command. If I want to purchase a new binder, the request has to go through several people in different departments, and it still might get rejected! I understand the need for the oversight, since our revenue mostly comes from taxes, but it can get extremely irritating. Some of my coworkers have just said "gently caress it" and spent their own money on supplies, because they don't want to wait a month to see if the county will order them more Bic pens (and god forbid someone involved in the approval process goes on vacation). A great example of this process in action is when the county commissioners decided to open our department's buildings to the public again in early summer last year. We were given a small allotment of hand sanitizer and alcohol that had to be split among all our buildings in the department. Lo and behold, we ran out within a month. Ever since that first supply, it's been hell trying to get more. Part of the reason is because my manager lives on another planet and doesn't know what's going on half the time. She doesn't know when we run out of supplies, and when we tell her, she goes through the incorrect chain of command to order them (yes this request goes through a different set of people than the Bic pens people). The person who makes the purchasing decision inevitably complains that she can't get more supplies (because "hand sanitizer and alcohol is hard to find") and chastises us for using too much. She helpfully recommended that we reevaluate our strategy of sanitizing items heavily-used by the public every hour, and instead only sanitize them after we see them being used. Okay, so that resulted in us sanitizing things every five minutes. Surprise surprise, we ended up using more alcohol! So, for a while, every few weeks we went through this whole process of running low, notifying our manager, our manager contacting the supply purchaser for our department, the purchaser bitching at us while ordering a bottle of alcohol to tide us over, and us running out while we wait for the bottle of alcohol. One day one of my coworkers got fed up, went to the dollar store, and bought a shitload of cleaning supplies for us. Then my manager started doing the same thing instead of requesting more supplies through the county. Meanwhile, the department that my manager was actually supposed to contact to get more sanitizing supplies learned about our situation. The manager of that department told us, "Hey, you know if you need more supplies, you can just come and pick it up, right? Or we can deliver them to you. Whatever works." We told this to our manager, who decided to ask her manager, who then decided to ask her manager, so on and so forth until the final decision was made that because someone in Finance that we never heard of didn't think we needed more supplies, we couldn't get them. However the good news is that our department's purchaser has stopped bitching at us, since our all cleaning supplies are paid for by employees! But I can't complain too much. Government benefits are awesome.
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Feb 4, 2021 17:03
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Hired some people and had an onboarding meeting last night. ".. And our safety and hr policies are still 'in development', so for the time being don't do anything that would get you in trouble at your last job. And don't discriminate against anyone. Also don't do anything unsafe. Being unsafe is against the rules. Any questions?" I've become everything I despise.
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Feb 4, 2021 17:33
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Outrail posted:Hired some people and had an onboarding meeting last night. ".. And our safety and hr policies are still 'in development', so for the time being don't do anything that would get you in trouble at your last job. And don't discriminate against anyone. Also don't do anything unsafe. Being unsafe is against the rules. Any questions?" I've become everything I despise. "Don't be a dick. All of the policy hangs upon this one commandment."
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Feb 4, 2021 17:43
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