Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Animorphs-Book 17:The Underground-Chapter 29

quote:

It turned out yes, yes, he cared. Visser Three would sacrifice hundreds of his fellow Yeerks to the oatmeal madness. After all, it was war, and sacrifices had to be made sometimes.

But those sacrifices obviously did not include him.

I kicked the rest of the barrels into the pool, just so Marco couldn�t possibly miss. Then Cassie went off to free the others. The Hork-Bajir, the Taxxons, and the human-Controllers were still busy being very, very still. If any of them had shown initiative, they could have probably taken us out. They might well have been able to get Marco before he could hit one of the barrels.

But you know what? Terrified underlings never show initiative. The Yeerks there may have hated us. But they were terrified of Visser Three.

This is one of the problems with poor leadership.

quote:

We freed Jake, Tobias, and Ax. Then we headed, very carefully, for one of the exits. We climbed the stairs backward, with Marco pointing the Dracon beam the whole way up.

Only because of Tobias did we see what happened next. Hidden behind my massive, painwracked bulk, he demorphed. Halfway up that interminable stairway, he resumed hawk shape. And it was his hawk vision that saw.

<He�s morphing! The Visser. He�s halfway morphed!>

<He�s getting out of his Andalite shape, taking on some form that won�t absorb the water,> Jake said. <Then the stupid oatmeal won�t bother him. He�ll come for us!>

<How far along is he?> Ax demanded.

<Can�t tell,> Tobias cried. <He�s going under! He�s submerging!>

I glanced up the stairs. A long way still to go. And I was weak from my injuries. Yet I couldn�t demorph and reveal that my true shape was human. Plenty of time for Visser Three to come popping up out of the water in one of his vile, alien morphs and come for us.

We were weak and exposed on the stairs. I was practically out of the fight. Jake was still a bat.

No way to win if he managed to come after us.

<Marco has to shoot,> I said. I looked at Cassie and Tobias to see if either of them would object.

<He�s not leaving us any choice,> Tobias said grimly. He hopped over to sit on Marco�s shoulder. <You�re aiming high,> he said. <A hair lower. Lower � fire!>

TSEEEWWW!

Far down below us, one of the floating barrels went, POOMPF!

A gray substance like confetti exploded out and settled in the water.

<That should keep them busy,> Tobias said. <Let�s bail!>

It was pandemonium down in the Yeerk pool. Hork-Bajir and humans and Taxxons all rushing around, trying to haul their Visser out of the water. Trying to scoop up the madness-inducing oatmeal before it could dissolve completely.

Then I fell over. I didn�t waver or stagger. I just fell over. Five tons of sagging elephant flesh splayed out across a dozen stone steps.

<Demorph!> Jake yelled at once.

Cassie rushed over, helpless to do much with her wolf paws. <It�s the loss of blood! She�s passing out. Rachel, you have to demorph.>

<He�s up!> Tobias yelled. <He�s out of the water. Oh, man! What the � Ax, what is that thing?>

 Ax admitted. <It�s no creature I�ve ever seen before. But it looks extremely dangerous.>

I was demorphing as fast as I could. <You guys get going! I�ll catch up!>

<Yeah, right, Rachel,> Cassie said.

<It�s like some kind of pterodactyl almost,> Jake said. <Like one of those flying dinosaurs. Only it�s covered in quills all over its back.>

Jake was demorphing. I was demorphing. Too slowly.

<All we have is a monkey and a wolf!> I yelled. <You guys run! You can pick up Jake and run!>

<A monkey?> Marco said archly. <You know, I almost could run off and leave you.>

<You have more than a gorilla and a wolf,> Ax said calmly. <You have an Andalite.>

When Andalites don't pull off their feeling of superiority, you get arrogance and xenophobia. When they do, you get....this.

quote:

I was shrinking all the while. And as I became less elephant and more human, the pain began to diminish. I could feel strength returning. But I was still so tired. Could I morph again?

 Ax said. He was the only one of us who�d been looking in that direction. It helped to have four eyes.

�Great,� Jake snapped, human again. �We�re trapped. And here he comes!�

I turned my now-human head toward the sound of vast, leathery wings. I saw something that might have been a winged porcupine, only the quills were each five feet long. Its head was elongated forward and back. The beak itself was another five feet.

It flew slowly, with great effort, but it was coming closer. My heart sank. Had he seen us in our human bodies?

I turned my head to look back up the stairs. The Hork-Bajir were a hundred feet away, pounding down on us. We were trapped. No time to morph, even. Trapped!

The stairway entered solid rock and earth just ten feet upward. The Visser�s monster wouldn�t be able to fly in there. But if we ascended that far, we�d run right into the Hork-Bajir.

I looked to Cassie, my best friend. I guess I wanted to say something meaningful. And that�s when it hit me. �Give me the Dracon beam!�

�It�s not gonna stop that � that thing. It�s armored all over. Nothing will stop that thing.�

I didn�t have time to argue. I snatched the Dracon beam from Marco. I turned and plowed up the stairs, right for the Hork-Bajir.

�Follow me!�

�But-�

�Just come on!�

Up we ran. The distance between us and the Hork-Bajir closed at a startling rate. The monster was coming on fast.

�Everyone down! Cover your heads! Mole!� I screamed. �MOLE!� And I raised the Dracon beam straight up. Aimed it at point-blank range right up at the hanging rock and dirt roof.

I thumbed the power switch and squeezed the trigger. And the entire world fell down on me.

So they poisoned the pool and collapsed part of the cavern. This is sort of a win, I guess. Did you think they'd actually do it?

Chapter 30

quote:

I wasn�t crushed by a rock. I was glad for that. I was smashed and banged up pretty good. And oh, was I scared.

Buried alive!

It had actually happened. I�d even made it happen. Buried alive under rock and dirt and struggling Hork-Bajir.

But what can you do when you�re buried alive? You can either sit there screaming in blind, idiot panic. Or you can dig your way out. At least, if you�re a mole you can.

I was worried about Cassie and Marco. They�d both still been in morph, so they had an extra phase to pass through before they could become moles again.

But wolves and gorillas aren�t easy to kill. We all morphed and dug our lonely tunnels upward.

It took a long time. I had to stop and hollow out enough space to demorph to human so I didn�t end up trapped in mole morph. Talk about wanting to scream.

But on the second round I emerged into the bat cave.

It took another hour for all of us to get there. We�d meet up in the absolute darkness, one by one, then in a small, edgy, worried group. Tobias was the last to arrive.

�You scared us to death! Where have you been?� I yelled at him.

 he said, with a smile in his silent voice.

Finally we morphed into our bat shapes. Exhausted beyond all belief. I could have just lain down there in the eternal darkness and slept for a week.

And then, just as we were echolocating around, looking for the exit, the strangest thing happened.

The entire cave came alive.

In a slow-motion rush all the bats began to drop their grip on the rock roof. They dropped, opened their wings, fired their echolocation sounds, and took off.

<Must be sundown,> Cassie said.

<Yeah, but sundown of which day?> I muttered.

We exploded from the cave. Maybe a hundred thousand bats. Maybe a million. Who can count that many bats?

We headed for home, too exhausted even to make dumb jokes or laugh or be happy we had survived.

But as tired as I was, there was one thing I wanted to do.

Maybe I have a soft spot for lunatics. After all, if I ever told anyone what my life was like, I�d be in a rubber room so fast I�d get whiplash.

When I was done, I flew home and demorphed in my room. I went downstairs as calmly as if I�d never left.

�Where EXACTLY have you been all day, young lady?� my mother demanded.

But just then the phone rang. My mom took the call. She listened and kept saying, �What?� She said �what?� about nine times, each time louder than the time before.

Then she sat down and stared at Sarah and Jordan and me. �What is it?� I asked.

�It�s my client. Poor Mr. Edelman.� She shook her head like she was trying to clear something away. �He escaped from the institution.�

�The nuthouse?� Jordan asked.

�He�s gone. Ran away. But what�s bizarre is how it happened. They�re claiming a grizzly bear calmly walked in, knocked the doors down, and told the man � in some kind of psychic way � I mean, you have to envision a talking grizzly bear � a psychic talking bear � told the man �� She checked the notes she�d written down. �Told him to leave, get out, but not to do anything dumb like trying to hurt himself because � the bear � had had a really lousy day and didn�t want to have to save him again.�

Jordan and Sarah stared at my mother like she was crazy.

�Hey, I�m not the one who claims to have seen all this,� my mother said defensively.

I shrugged. �Bunch of nuts,� I said dismissively. �I mean, come on. A grizzly bear. Right.�

It wasn�t much. I couldn�t really help Mr. Edelman. No one could. But some of the time his own, human mind was in charge. And during those times, in between the mad ravings of the Yeerk, I wanted him to be free.

The doorbell rang.

�It�s MAR-co,� Jordan sang. She thinks he�s cute.

�Tell him to go away,� I yelled back. �I�m tired.�

Jordan reappeared a few moments later. She was carrying a huge stack of small boxes. �Your friend MAR-co says his dad is making him get rid of all this stuff.�

She dumped the boxes of maple and ginger oatmeal all over the kitchen table.

That was the end of the first and only great battle ever to involve oatmeal. And, by the way, if you ever see some poor, mad, deranged gentleman wandering the streets and raving away about things that live in his head � well, if you can handle it, give the man your spare change.

That part with the breakout is so remarkably Rachel it makes me smile. And here's hoping poor Mr. Edelman finds some peace.

So what did you think about it? Wacky oatmeal misadventures, huh?

Next book is an Ax book. We get to hang out with our favorite Andalite. (Oh, who am I kidding, your favorite Andalite is Elfangor. I know, you know, even poor Ax knows. But I guess Ax's favorite Andalite is also Elfangor.)

# ? Feb 18, 2021 04:59

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 08:52

HisMajestyBOB: Oct 21, 2010; College Slice

Cythereal posted:

I remember reading the Tripods books as a kid. And the day it clicked that this wasn't a fantasy setting, this was Earth after an alien invasion.

Preteen me's mind was blown.

I read the prequel first, so I already knew what was up.

# ? Feb 18, 2021 05:02

WrightOfWay: Jul 24, 2010

I've gotta say, I wasn't expecting the Animorphs to actually go through with poisoning the Yeerk pool. This is definitely the most monstrous thing they've done so far and I'm pretty sure using chemical weapons like that is an unambiguous war crime.

# ? Feb 18, 2021 05:20

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Nah, gently caress 'em. Quantum oatmeal virus time. War crimes for fun and profit.
Alloran 2024

# ? Feb 18, 2021 05:42

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

That whole scene confused me at first because I assumed the stairways out of there were through tunnels, but I guess it's like... a spiral staircase running around the edge of the cavern, exposed to the whole complex? In which case I have no idea how they did all that demorphing without being spotted by everybody down below, or how they managed to bring the roof down without totally destroying the cavern. But eh whatever.

And yeah blowing the oatmeal is one of the darkest things they've done - several hundred insane Yeerks right there at least - but that's still at least half on the Visser. They could have walked out of there and returned to the status quo, he's the one who forced their hands.

Epicurius posted:

�It�s MAR-co,� Jordan sang. She thinks he�s cute.

Jordan has good taste in men.

quote:

Next book is an Ax book. We get to hang out with our favorite Andalite. (Oh, who am I kidding, your favorite Andalite is Elfangor. I know, you know, even poor Ax knows. But I guess Ax's favorite Andalite is also Elfangor.)

Hell yeah, 18 is by far my favourite Animorphs book. It ticks a lot of my boxes personally, but also just objectively rocks, in terms of both personal character development and themes and all that jazz, and the actual plot, which is one of the coolest so far. I think the only real competitor, in my eyes, is (structural spoilers not plot spoilers) 20/21/22, which have the unfair advantage of being a story arc trilogy, and in fact I sat here trying to think of which of those I liked the most and couldn't. Probably 21, but it's a close run thing, and the trilogy is greater than the sum of its parts.

# ? Feb 18, 2021 08:53

Grammarchist: Jan 28, 2013

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission report on use of oatmeal is going to be pretty surreal at the end of this.

# ? Feb 18, 2021 09:03

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

Grammarchist posted:

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission report on use of oatmeal is going to be pretty surreal at the end of this.

It's cute you think that this is going to be anything more than a footnote next to the real war cimes yet to come before we're finished :getin:

# ? Feb 18, 2021 09:05

GodFish: Oct 10, 2012; We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.

I really didn't expect them to actually get the chance to oatmeal the pool, even 500 yeerks was probably a pretty hefty blow to the war effort.

# ? Feb 18, 2021 09:22

dungeon cousin: Nov 26, 2012; woop woop
loop loop

freebooter posted:

That whole scene confused me at first because I assumed the stairways out of there were through tunnels, but I guess it's like... a spiral staircase running around the edge of the cavern, exposed to the whole complex? In which case I have no idea how they did all that demorphing without being spotted by everybody down below, or how they managed to bring the roof down without totally destroying the cavern. But eh whatever.

The inside cover shows one of the stairways.

It doesn't match up to how I imagined it either. I thought it was an enclosed stairway going straight up, so when Rachel shot at the ceiling I imagined a tunnel caving in.

# ? Feb 18, 2021 09:32

Shwoo: Jul 21, 2011

This book has so much weird action that the scene where they discuss the ethics of using chemical weapons on the enemy feels a bit out of place. I think I remember being bored and annoyed by it when I first read it, but that could have been any scene where they talk about ethics, which are only going to get more common from here.

On the subject of Visser Three's evil field, maybe he's doing the same thing Elfangor was doing in the first book, when he calms the kids down with emotional telepathy. It looks like a bit of early series weirdness that got retconned, but maybe it's just a hard skill to master, or something. Also, according to the Ellimist Chronicles, the Andalites' ancestors had emotional telepathy before they had thought speech. I think. I might need to reread that scene.

# ? Feb 18, 2021 09:54

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

quote:

Hell yeah, 18 is by far my favourite Animorphs book. It ticks a lot of my boxes personally, but also just objectively rocks, in terms of both personal character development and themes and all that jazz, and the actual plot, which is one of the coolest so far.

That's the z-space snap book, right? Somehow I'd always conflated that book with #11 in my mind. Maybe because they both involve weird scifi physics and Animorphs in space, I guess.

quote:

I think the only real competitor, in my eyes, is (structural spoilers not plot spoilers) 20/21/22, which have the unfair advantage of being a story arc trilogy, and in fact I sat here trying to think of which of those I liked the most and couldn't. Probably 21, but it's a close run thing, and the trilogy is greater than the sum of its parts.

NGL I'm basically counting down the books until we get to that.

# ? Feb 18, 2021 13:19

Gun Jam: Apr 11, 2015

WrightOfWay posted:

I've gotta say, I wasn't expecting the Animorphs to actually go through with poisoning the Yeerk pool. This is definitely the most monstrous thing they've done so far and I'm pretty sure using chemical weapons like that is an unambiguous war crime.

Or, to use another analogy, is poisoning food supply.

# ? Feb 18, 2021 15:46

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

While cable internet is a great thing, its less of one when a storm hits and my internet access is unstable and SA decides to give me Cloudflare errors. Hopefully, before I go to bed in an hour and a half, I'll be able to post the beginning of book 18. Otherwise, blame the weather. (Also, do you think Andalites have weather machines? I could see them doing something like that.)

# ? Feb 19, 2021 04:32

ThatJesus: May 30, 2009

Epicurius posted:

While cable internet is a great thing, its less of one when a storm hits and my internet access is unstable and SA decides to give me Cloudflare errors. Hopefully, before I go to bed in an hour and a half, I'll be able to post the beginning of book 18. Otherwise, blame the weather. (Also, do you think Andalites have weather machines? I could see them doing something like that.)

I'm astounded at the regularity you've kept up to date. Don't sweat it, we really appreciate what you're doing!

# ? Feb 19, 2021 04:41

Jazerus: May 24, 2011

Epicurius posted:

While cable internet is a great thing, its less of one when a storm hits and my internet access is unstable and SA decides to give me Cloudflare errors. Hopefully, before I go to bed in an hour and a half, I'll be able to post the beginning of book 18. Otherwise, blame the weather. (Also, do you think Andalites have weather machines? I could see them doing something like that.)

andalites used to wear coats, but they've had weather machines for so long they've forgotten the concept of clothing

# ? Feb 19, 2021 04:44

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

I'm trying to picture Andalite hats, now
Little holes for the eyestalks...

# ? Feb 19, 2021 04:51

Gun Jam: Apr 11, 2015

Tree Bucket posted:

I'm trying to picture Andalite hats, now
Little holes for the eyestalks...

Courtesy of cinnamon bunzuh, Visser 3 on a safari:

# ? Feb 19, 2021 07:37

bobjr: Oct 16, 2012; Roose is loose.
🐓🐓🐓✊🪧

https://twitter.com/spacecoyotl/status/1362817836540780544?s=21

# ? Feb 19, 2021 21:57

Strategic Tea: Sep 1, 2012

# ? Feb 20, 2021 00:27

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Animorphs-Book 18:The Decision-Chapter 1

quote:

My name is Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill.

I don�t know if my fellow Andalites will ever recognize that name. I guess some of the story I�m about to tell will appear in the scientific journals. I mean, the accident that occurred to me has certainly rewritten the science of Zero-space mass extrusion during morphing.

But I doubt that my real name will be used. I doubt that the whole truth will be told. And I guess that�s a good thing. You see, there are traitors among us. Yes, traitors among our fellow Andalites.

Andalites working for the Yeerks.

I am the only living Andalite witness to the Ascalin incident. Only I - and my human friends, Prince Jake, Cassie, Tobias, Rachel, and Marco - know what truly happened aboard that ship on wartorn planet Leera. And even though I know what happened, I will never know why it happened.

I know it seems impossible even to conceive of Andalites as traitors. I know the very idea makes any decent Andalite sick inside. But I am telling the truth. The Ascalin incident happened. We were betrayed by one of our own.

My name is Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, brother of Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul. And I swear by his memory that everything I say here is true.

I am the only Andalite presently located on planet Earth. Don�t bother looking Earth up on any of the databases. You won�t find much information. The truth is, we lost a Dome ship in orbit above this planet. The Yeerks destroyed it. We lost my brother, Prince Elfangor, in that battle, too. But before he died, Elfangor broke our law and gave the secret Andalite morphing power to five human youths.

The Yeerks are after this planet now. They are invading Earth in their usual style. The Yeerk parasite slugs have an easy time entering human heads, wrapping themselves around human brains. Enslaving humans as they did the Hork-Bajir and the Gedds. As they hope someday to do to us.

I live among these humans now. With the group of young humans who were given the morphing power by Elfangor. They call themselves Animorphs. They resist the Yeerk invasion of Earth. All alone, as far as we know.

I live with humans. I respect them. But my hearts are still Andalite. No matter what anyone ever says about me and about what happened on Leera, I am true to my own people.

And yet there are times when I wonder: Who are my own people? My race, my species? My family? My friends? My allies?

My human friends insist on reducing my name to �Ax.� You see, humans communicate by making mouth-sounds. (most Andalites understand the concept of a �mouth,� I believe.) And although my full name is easily pronounced in Andalite thought-speak, it is somewhat long and complex for primitive human mouth-sounds.

I am alone on this planet. The only one of my species. The only Andalite among all the humans. So I have used the morphing technology to create a human morph. And sometimes, for two hours at a time, I become human and pass among humans as one of them.

I am very good at passing for human, if I say so myself. I have learned the customs and habits perfectly so that I seem entirely normal.

That�s how I am able to pass even in the most human of places. For example, the mall. Which is a place full of shops, most of which sell artificial skin and artificial hooves. Technically known as �clothing� and �shoes.�

The mall also houses the most wonderful eating places. You see, in addition to making sounds with their mouths, humans use them to eat. They place foods into the mouth opening and grind the foods with teeth while adding saliva. This involves a sense called �taste.�

Taste is very, very powerful.

Oh, yes.

I was wearing artificial skin and artificial hooves like a human. I approached the counter of my very favorite eating place.

�Hello,� I said, making mouth-sounds with my human mouth. �I will work for money. Muh-nee. Mnee.�

I should explain: Money is a sort of abstract human concept. You give amounts of money to various people in society and they in turn give you useful items.

�Do you want to order something?� the human said to me.

�I require money so that I may exchange it for the delicious cinnamon buns,� I explained.

The human blinked his eyes. �So � you do want to order, or you don�t?�

Obviously this was a less-intelligent human. �I wish to perform labor, lay-ber, lay-burrr, and to have you give me money. Then I wish to use that money to acquire delicious cinnamon buns. Bunzuh.�

�I�ll get the manager.�

�Bun-zuh,� I said. I find the z sound especially enjoyable. It tickles the mouthparts. Many sounds are amusing.

The manager came and I explained my request to her.

�Well, I can�t give you a job,� she said. �I think you�re under age. But I guess if you�re hungry I could have you clear some of those tables and give you some food.�

This was acceptable to me.

�Poor kid,� she said to the other human as I turned away. �A little off in the head, maybe. But a good-looking boy.�

I soon discovered what she meant by clearing tables. In this part of the mall there are many tables, surrounded by eating places. The tables were littered with delicious things!

On the first table I found thin, crisp, salty-greasy triangles covered with a bright yellow secretion. I ate them and they were very good.

On the next table were liquids. I drank them. One was hot, one was cold. Along with the liquids was a square of crumpled paper. Smeared inside the paper was a reddish, semiliquid product. I licked it. It was fine, but not wonderful.

Then at last, I saw what I wanted. Two large, steaming hot, glistening cinnamon buns. Two humans were sitting very near the cinnamon buns.
They were going to eat my buns!

I raced over as quickly as my wobbly human legs could go. �I am clearing these tables!� I cried.

The humans looked at me. �We haven�t even eaten yet.�

�Good,� I said, relieved. I grabbed the two cinnamon buns and carried them away.

�Hey! Hey, stop!�

I began to shove the first bun into my mouth. Oh, the joy! Oh, how can I even explain to an Andalite who has never possessed the sense of taste? The sensation! It was a pleasure beyond any pleasure imaginable. The warmth, the dripping, sweet goo of the cinnamon bun!

�What are you doing?� the manager cried as she came running over.

�I amm glearing khe khables,� I said. It is very difficult to speak while eating. Just one of the many design flaws in humans.

�I am terribly sorry,� the manager said to the humans who were trying to take my cinnamon buns.

�I�ll get you two fresh buns. And you,� she said, pointing one of her powerful-yet-stubby human fingers at me, �come with me.�

She pulled me away, causing me to drop a small portion of the bun from my mouth. She took me into the eating place and made me sit on a chair. This involves bending the two legs and resting the weight of the body on a raised platform by pressing the fatty pads at the top of the legs against the platform. It�s hard to visualize unless you�ve seen it.

�Okay, now look, son, if you�re that desperate for food, there�s a tray of buns here that are just a bit stale. You can help yourself. You poor kid.�

She indicated a square array of cinnamon buns. Perhaps a dozen in all!

�For me?� I asked in a voice choked with emotion.

�Sure, son. Go ahead and have one.�

Let me make one final point here: human mouth-sound language is very fuzzy at times. �Have one,� she�d said.

One mouthful? One bun?

One tray?

It was certainly not my fault if there was any confusion.

This is true. The manager was certainly unclear here. And she did say "You can help yourself." Ax is blameless!

Chapter 2

quote:

�So there I am,� Marco said. �Cruising through the food court, minding my own business, thinking, Hey, why not snag a taco? when I notice the paramedics and this crowd all gathered around the Cinnabon.�

Marco is one of my human friends. He is shorter than some humans of his age. He has dark hair and dark eyes and likes to make jokes. Jokes are humor. Humor is more common among humans than among Andalites. I think they have to resort to humor. It helps them deal with the embarrassment of being so wobbly on their two ridiculous legs.

�And I swear, it was like this sudden, psychic feeling. I knew, I mean, I knew somehow the Axman was involved. So I go over and ask someone in the crowd what�s happening. And she says - �

�She?� Rachel interrupted. �Let me guess. Some good-looking girl who normally would never even talk to you? But you figured since there�s a medical emergency that would be a good time to hit on her?�

�Exactly,� Marco said.

Rachel is a female. She has gold hair and blue eyes. She is tall for her age.

�Anyway, she tells me, �Some kid went crazy and ate an entire pan of cinnamon buns.� Now, who, I ask you all, who do we know who would eat an entire pan of cinnamon buns?�

Marco, Rachel, and the others - Prince Jake, Cassie, and Tobias - all looked at me and stretched their mouths horizontally to make grins. All except Tobias, who is a nothlit: a person trapped in morph. He is a hawk and has no lips.

I felt I had to say something. I explained. <It seems there is some sort of limit on the quantity that may be consumed. Passing that limit caused an unpleasant sensation in the stomach area. It also caused me to become dizzy.>

�The sugar rush of all time,� Cassie said.

Cassie is no taller than Marco. She has dark hair and eyes. Cassie is very interested in animals. By �animals,� humans mean all animals aside from themselves.

I was out of my human morph and back in my own body. We were in the forest that begins at the edge of Cassie�s farm. This is where I live. Tobias and me both. He eats mice, mostly in the morning.

I leave the forest at night and go running across the fields, absorbing grass through my hooves, the way any sensible creature should.

We were waiting there in the woods for the arrival of a strange ally: Erek, the Chee.

The Chee are a race of androids. They were created by a now-dead race called Pemalites. The Chee and the last remaining Pemalites came to Earth thousands of years ago. They were escaping the devastation of their home world. The Pemalites did not survive. Their principled, non-violent, but shockingly powerful androids did.

Prince Jake looked at his watch. Humans are always lost in time. They are constantly certain that �it� is later or earlier than they thought. I have never known a human to say, �Oh, look, it�s exactly what time I thought it was.�

Prince Jake said, �I was about to mention that Erek was late, but I guess it�s still earlier than I thought it was.�

You see what I mean.

<He�s coming now,> Tobias said. <He can move very quietly when he wants to. But I can see him from up here.>

Hawks have excellent hearing and really extraordinary powers of sight. But still, they can only look in one direction at a time, just like humans.

Erek approached - exactly on time, of course. He appears to be a normal human boy. But of course that is merely a very advanced holographic illusion. Beneath the hologram is an android of gray and white metals, somewhat resembling an Earth dog walking on two legs.

The Chee are incapable of violence. A prohibition against violence is written into their programming. Yet with our help, Erek was once able to disable that programming. He saved our lives in a terrible battle. But he chose then to surrender the power to do violence.

However, even though they cannot do battle, the Chee have managed to infiltrate the Yeerk organization on Earth. And from time to time Erek brings us useful information.

�Hi everyone,� Erek said.

�Hey, Erek,� Marco said. �What�s up?�

Erek shrugged, exactly like any other young human of his apparent age. �Not much. Just something strange. Something that doesn�t make sense. At least not as far as we can see.�

Prince Jake nodded. He looked up at Tobias. �Are we clear?�

Tobias dropped from the branch he was on, flapped his wings, and soared above the treetops out of sight.

�Sorry,� Prince Jake said to Erek. �I want to be sure we�re safe.�

Erek made an amused grin. �Do you think I came alone? Three of my people are spread out around us, keeping watch. Tobias will never spot them, not even with his eyes.�

�Oh? Want to put some money on that?� Prince Jake asked.

Tobias flew back and landed on the same branch. He began to calmly preen his feathers. <All clear.>

�You didn�t see anything at all?� Prince Jake asked, sounding disappointed.

<Well, I saw two Chee projecting tree holograms, and another one trying to pass himself off as a rock, but nothing to worry about.>

The humans and Erek all laughed.

 Tobias said smugly. <You think you can just park some big old holographic willow tree where it doesn�t belong and I won�t notice? Puh-leeze.>

Erek did a sort of bow toward Tobias. �Remind me never to underestimate you, brother hawk.�

Then, suddenly serious, he told us what he�d come to say.

�The second-ranking guy in the Secret Service, a man named Hewlett Aldershot the Third, is in a hospital in a coma. He was hit by a car while walking across the street. We don�t know why he�s here in this area. But we do know this: No one even knows he�s in the hospital.�

�His family doesn�t know?� Cassie said.

�No. No one. Not his family, not his boss, Jane Carnegie. No one. The hospital is heavily infiltrated by Yeerks. Half the staff are human-Controllers. His name isn�t even in the hospital computers. And, oh, by the way, the car that hit him? A minivan belonging to none other than our friend Chapman.�

Prince Jake nodded. He is the leader of the Animorphs. I consider him to be my prince. As an aristh, I require someone to be my prince.

�Well, well,� Prince Jake said. �I guess we�d better check it out.�

Chapman's to do list for the day:

1. Drive Melissa to Acrobatics
2. Attend phone meeting on law regarding accommodations for special needs students
3. Meet with principal re school budget funding for student clubs and activities
4. Hit deputy director of Secret Service with car
5. Plan staff retirement party for Mrs. Jacobson

# ? Feb 20, 2021 04:35

Shwoo: Jul 21, 2011

"Jokes are humor." -- Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, 1998.

I love that it's specifically Chapman that hits the guy with his car. It couldn't be a Controller in a less public role whose reputation might be less damaged. Has to be Chapman. Visser Three probably specifically demanded it.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 04:50

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

I, um.... Chapman would be, if not dead, then all kinds of arrested.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 04:57

Edna Mode: Sep 24, 2005; Bullshit, that's last year's Fall collection!

I remember the first chapter making me laugh out loud quite a bit when I first read it... And it still does!

# ? Feb 20, 2021 05:04

WrightOfWay: Jul 24, 2010

Ax did nothing wrong.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 05:13

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

Shwoo posted:

"Jokes are humor." -- Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, 1998.

I love that it's specifically Chapman that hits the guy with his car. It couldn't be a Controller in a less public role whose reputation might be less damaged. Has to be Chapman. Visser Three probably specifically demanded it.

<Iniss, I require the use of your host's automobile. It is important.>

"But, my Visser... you don't know how to drive."

# ? Feb 20, 2021 06:58

Rochallor: Apr 23, 2010; ふっっっっっっっっっっっっｃｋ

I can't imagine they keep it up after these two books, but I do love that while the other Animorphs are writing stuff down for... reasons? Ax has solid motives for his books. He's not gonna write a book of children's fiction just for the hell of it.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 07:43

dungeon cousin: Nov 26, 2012; woop woop
loop loop

I wonder what Andalites think about having the ability to consume meat. I don't recall Ax ever talking about it though he doesn't seem to care about that when he goes on a tasting frenzy.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 08:04

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

dungeon cousin posted:

I wonder what Andalites think about having the ability to consume meat. I don't recall Ax ever talking about it though he doesn't seem to care about that when he goes on a tasting frenzy.

Elfangor showed a pretty big disdain for it, though it was only touched on.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 08:44

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

This is one of the books I have the clearest memories of. I've read it so many times.

It's a good one.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 09:06

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Shwoo posted:

I love that it's specifically Chapman that hits the guy with his car. It couldn't be a Controller in a less public role whose reputation might be less damaged. Has to be Chapman. Visser Three probably specifically demanded it.

It's so loving great. With all the resources they have, everything at their disposal... he just picks this fairly mild-mannered Controller to run down a high-ranking government agent in the family minivan.

Other thoughts:
a) Pretty surprised Applegate tips her hand about what's going to go down in this book right there in the introduction!
b) I've been thinking this for a while, but frankly: Marco and Rachel have more chemistry than Tobias and Rachel

SirSamVimes posted:

This is one of the books I have the clearest memories of. I've read it so many times.

It's a good one.

Among the many other reasons I love it is how crazily it escalates. Starts out as a pretty routine mission and ends with one of the most insane setpieces in the entire series.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 09:59

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

...I have no idea what happens in this book, but you've all got me anticipating something pretty special!
I guess from the intro we meet more andalites? And there's another planet? That'd be cool.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 11:27

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

I mean you already know that it's an Ax book, that should be enough to be convinced it's going to be rad.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 12:02

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Seriously this is now the most unbelievable thing in the books to me. You cannot take down the number 2 USSS without eating 50 bullets, or facing a squillion years in jail. You just can't.
If Chapman walks from that, the Yeerks already control so much of government as to have effectively won already.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 12:05

Ravenfood: Nov 4, 2011

SirSamVimes posted:

This is one of the books I have the clearest memories of. I've read it so many times.

It's a good one.

I somehow stopped before the Chee were introduced and I'm still pretty sure i remember this one well. I definitely remember that opening scene.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 13:34

HisMajestyBOB: Oct 21, 2010; College Slice

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Seriously this is now the most unbelievable thing in the books to me. You cannot take down the number 2 USSS without eating 50 bullets, or facing a squillion years in jail. You just can't.
If Chapman walks from that, the Yeerks already control so much of government as to have effectively won already.

OTOH, it was the 90s, pre-9/11. Different world.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 13:44

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Seriously this is now the most unbelievable thing in the books to me. You cannot take down the number 2 USSS without eating 50 bullets, or facing a squillion years in jail. You just can't.
If Chapman walks from that, the Yeerks already control so much of government as to have effectively won already.

It seems pretty clear to me that he was off-duty at the time (especially since he was in SoCal). Not crossing the street while directly part of Clinton's service detail as Chapman ominously rounds the corner in his Honda Odyssey.

edit - not to say that a hit and run on such a high ranking figure wouldn't obviously spark a massive FBI investigation, but maybe the Yeerks have enough Controllers in high places to stymie that, or at least they figure it's worth it even if Chapman gets caught because they still infested the 2IC of the Secret Service.

Although that also raises the question (which I think comes up again in a few books when it's implied one of the G8 heads of state is a Controller) precisely how useful that is when the host does not live near Earth's only Yeerk pool in The Animorphs' Hometown. I think they have portable Kandrona etc but it's always suggested to be a pain in the rear end and I feel like logistically, it makes more sense to flood an organisation's low-ranking people with low-ranking Yeerks so you gradually control a majority, than it does to infest a high-ranking person as though that's some kind of coup.

freebooter fucked around with this message at 13:52 on Feb 20, 2021

# ? Feb 20, 2021 13:47

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

I'd make an argument that by controlling the high-ranking members, it becomes far, far easier to subvert lower ranking members, but either way would work I guess.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 14:19

CidGregor: Sep 27, 2009; TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off

I think my new favorite thing about this book right away that I only really appreciate thanks to this thread is how severely it breaks the pattern of the generic intro. Ax is talking to his own people here, he doesn't need to spend half a chapter every book explaining what yeerks are, which was starting to get repetitive as heck. Leading instead with promises of political intrigue, unthinkable betrayal, and rewriting an entire field of science was an immense breath of fresh air I think was sorely needed.

# ? Feb 20, 2021 14:44

Jazerus: May 24, 2011

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Seriously this is now the most unbelievable thing in the books to me. You cannot take down the number 2 USSS without eating 50 bullets, or facing a squillion years in jail. You just can't.
If Chapman walks from that, the Yeerks already control so much of government as to have effectively won already.

erek says it right in the chapter, tho. nobody knows that it even happened because a controller cop showed up to the scene of the "accident" with controller paramedics and took him to the controller hospital. by the time the FBI even gets wind of it his yeerk will be on the phone reassuring them that he's fine, no investigation needed, just a drunk driving hit and run

in other news, this made me think of seagull morphs

https://twitter.com/pelhambluefund/status/1362939555876245505

Jazerus fucked around with this message at 15:07 on Feb 20, 2021

# ? Feb 20, 2021 15:03

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 08:52

cptn_dr: Sep 7, 2011; Seven for beauty that blossoms and dies

https://twitter.com/MinovskyArticle/status/1362867373875822592?s=19

# ? Feb 21, 2021 00:13

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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