|
Batterypowered7 posted:Agile works 100% of the time, 10% of the time. That's how you know it's good. Not gonna jack up your fake productivity numbers like cycle time and velocity with that attitude
|
#
?
May 19, 2021 22:40
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 3, 2024 21:05 |
|
|
So "Agile" is the latest corporate pop-psychology bullshit, like "Lean Six Sigma" a decade ago?
|
|
#
?
May 19, 2021 22:49
|
|
|
CaptainSarcastic posted:So "Agile" is the latest corporate pop-psychology bullshit, like "Lean Six Sigma" a decade ago? Agile is like 25+ years old. Scrum is from back in 1994 or some poo poo. vyst posted:Not gonna jack up your fake productivity numbers like cycle time and velocity with that attitude Bro, my burndown charts are TIGHT. Story points? I just pull numbers out of a hat and hit the mark every time.
|
|
#
?
May 19, 2021 22:51
|
|
|
Batterypowered7 posted:Agile is like 25+ years old. Scrum is from back in 1994 or some poo poo. I'm simultaneously surprised and grateful that I somehow managed to miss this particular batch of purestrain horseshit.
|
|
#
?
May 19, 2021 22:54
|
|
|
Every time someone posts about agile I can't help but picture a dozen 1st-year students earnestly putting together a committee to purchase and replace the meeting room's lightbulb while telling maintenance to come back next month when they've solved the problem.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 00:15
|
|
|
Just found out that one of the products we manufacture, one variation is fully designed and manufactured in-house. While a slight variation in the same family is completely OEM, off the shelf from China.  So it's basically a 50/50 chance for the customer. If you buy this product we can fully support you and make engineering revisions if required. But if you buy part number xxx-12 instead of xxx-11. Well gently caress you, you're out of luck. None of this was made available to the sales or technical support team. It slipped out from one of the engineers when I kept raising issues about the dodgy product. Nowher fucked around with this message at 00:53 on May 20, 2021 |
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 00:43
|
|
|
We switched to a new ticketing system recently and it has a tendency to double-count incident ticket closures (first when we resolve them, then a week later when the system closes them). Everyone up to at least two layers of management know this and we've all reached an unspoken agreement that this is fine because it pads all our numbers.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 02:06
|
|
|
This is less a dumb thing and more of an amusing anecdote, but when I worked tech support for a smaller ISP we got a directive that we were not allowed to speculate about a customer's intelligence or sanity in our call records anymore. It was a minor speedbump in our workflow but we adjusted.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 02:52
|
|
|
When I was a science teacher I would occasionally need to grab things from the district warehouse (e.g. telescopes that never made the transition from the old school building to the new for some reason and were left in storage). Nearly half the ware house was filled with incredibly outdated computers, monitors, and inkjet printers that we could never get rid of. The one time the district tried to have them disposed/recycled the local paper made a big stink of how the district was wasting taxpayer money and a bunch of angry people would show up to board meetings to yell about it. Many of those computers were never even used by students or employees, they went straight to the warehouse. The district frequently would get “donations” of various local business tyrants’ lovely Windows 98 and XP craptops well into the 2010s. They felt obligated to take them because otherwise the small business warlords would raise a huge fuss about how the school district was ungrateful for refusing to accept their trash.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 03:51
|
|
|
I’m willing to bet that whoever made agile is under the sad delusion that management practices exist for the sake of productivity and efficiency, instead of gratifying and justifying the existence of middle management and making executives feel important. The military made much more sense to me when I finally figured out this.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 05:44
|
|
|
Pulcinella posted:Nearly half the ware house was filled with incredibly outdated computers, monitors, and inkjet printers that we could never get rid of. The one time the district tried to have them disposed/recycled the local paper made a big stink of how the district was wasting taxpayer money and a bunch of angry people would show up to board meetings to yell about it. Solution: Everyone who complains gets a freebie lovely old printer or other piece of poo poo that probably doesn't work! Explain that they cannot just be dumped in the trash, and must be recycled properly if they don't want it. It's a gift, you cannot refuse. Thanks for coming and enjoy your gift. The remaining stock of useless old garbage will be dropped off outside the newspaper office parking lot in the night for all the people who couldn't be here today to take and share.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 07:25
|
|
|
We (and be we I mean the management who haven't even bothered to speak to the teams involved) have decided to bring in a new Agile coach to try and fix one of the more dysfunctional teams. I had an hour meeting with him where I explained all the bullshit that's going on. I could visibly see the enthusiasm drain from his face.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 09:30
|
|
|
Im now using the money we save by not selling things to invest in a system to better track and analyze the sales we aren't having
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 09:32
|
|
|
Barudak posted:Im now using the money we save by not selling things to invest in a system to better track and analyze the sales we aren't having It's a system that will support all sorts of zeroes. Positive zeroes, negative zeroes, quadratic zeroes...
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 09:38
|
|
|
Barudak posted:Im now using the money we save by not selling things to invest in a system to better track and analyze the sales we aren't having Recruit an unsales assistant. A real no-getter.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 10:06
|
|
|
Alright, Mr. Bizarro, walk me through your approach to sales
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 10:16
|
|
|
Look, if you do this right then you'll get someone who lands a small number of high-volume, high-margin jobs, who is always courteous and considerate to co-workers despite never making much commission.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 10:34
|
|
|
Barudak posted:Alright, Mr. Bizarro, walk me through your approach to sales It's simple: I break into the customer's businesses or homes and take back the stuff you sold and we repackage it. Now you have infinite inventory to sell, sometimes more than once to the same customer.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 11:14
|
|
|
Have you considered getting a position with your company's competition? I mean, sure, not selling now is a good solution, but it's short term. Eventually those customers will try to buy. But if you start selling for a competitor, build a rapport with your customers, your company can not sell to them on much longer time scales!
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 12:05
|
|
|
Holy poo poo why do companies do this: Dev: hey product owner I think it would be better to prioritise x PO: you’re just a developer, begone peasant Manager: why didn’t you work on x? Dev: because PO told me not to Manager: omg you need to take ownership, develop your leadership and management skills, you can’t just do what you’re told when you’re senior! If you’re not doing 3 people’s jobs for 0.5 person’s pay then are you really a senior dev at all
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 12:19
|
|
|
Get the second set in writing, then just ignore the PO for the rest of time.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 12:21
|
|
|
That PO sucks. I trust my developers way more than any business idiot. Source: A product owner
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 12:38
|
|
|
goatface posted:Get the second set in writing, then just ignore the PO for the rest of time. Dev: can I have that in writing please Boss: 
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 12:40
|
|
|
TBF in this case it was more like “oh ok, let me talk to the five thousand people that need to give approval before anyone can work on x” and then of course I never hear back. But I did have a PO before who asked why I thought I was entitled to know about new features before they were presented to customers or put on the roadmap.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 12:43
|
|
|
Prism Mirror Lens posted:TBF in this case it was more like “oh ok, let me talk to the five thousand people that need to give approval before anyone can work on x” and then of course I never hear back. But I did have a PO before who asked why I thought I was entitled to know about new features before they were presented to customers or put on the roadmap. Your PO is a Piece of poo poo
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 13:08
|
|
|
Boiled Water posted:Your PO is a Piece of poo poo Yeah 100%. I include any engineers in conversations they want to hear about the future of the product. Some of them really get invested in the roadmap, some don't. But to shut all of them out is doing them a big disservice to how they need to architect solutions of the future.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 13:19
|
|
|
You may think being a 'senior' member means you are there to do your A job really well but actually your job is dealing with the stupidest people imaginable, convincing them they really don't want to eat a poo poo sandwich.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 13:23
|
|
|
Sounds like our entire IT process is about to grind to a halt because the CEO can’t log into teams and he’s also on the other side of the planet right now, handful of panicked VPs hitting us up lol
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 13:36
|
|
|
zedprime posted:You may think being a 'senior' member means you are there to do your A job really well but actually your job is dealing with the stupidest people imaginable, convincing them they really don't want to eat a poo poo sandwich. Okay okay I get it, we won't eat the poo poo sandwich. I've solved the problem by getting rid of the bread. Relax, I've also put in the order for you. What do you even do around here honestly? What the gently caress this poo poo is poo poo!
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 13:38
|
|
|
We've been having on and off issues with OneDrive all week and have been getting flooded with tickets while also getting flooded with tickets about our brick stupid domain migration project. Tuesday, it got decided to open a bridge about the OneDrive issues, but... the incident management team never bothered. And now the dude who can open the bridge is stonewalling because, despite being involved in the conversations we've had about the issues all week, he suddenly "Doesn't know what the issue is" and "Well, everything's fine on my end"... 
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 16:26
|
|
|
IT ticket going back and forth with a fair amount of technical discussion, insight to what's under the hood, etc. Narrow down the cause of our problem (the system designed for a couple dozen people to simultaneously access doesn't work if more than one person tries to run part of it at once, despite being what should be entirely separate per user). Asked if there's any feasible solution to "a process fails but has a retry method, recognized on the host end and displayed to the user without any usable trigger string for the terminal client's automation features, that has to be manually triggered" where setting up automatic retries enables automating input and speeding up the process on our side while relieving my RSI issues. Again, been under the hood for this whole thing and already talking technical aspects. "Simple answer: no. Ticket has been closed." If anything starts me drinking it's going to be this software.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 17:12
|
|
|
A while back we got a Covid testing instrument, we already have 3 others that are better than this one. All of the hospitals in the network received it. Now we get an email from someone higher up bitching that the tests for it are gonna be expiring at all of the sites soon which will be a huge waste of money. Well no poo poo, no one is using it because it doesn't fit in our workflow properly, and we didn't need it in the first place. Also gently caress you, we're severely short staffed and you don't give a poo poo. One of the nearby hospitals doesn't even have any phlebotomists left for outpatients ffs.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 18:11
|
|
|
Prism Mirror Lens posted:Holy poo poo why do companies do this: im sorry your manager is loving moron.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 18:19
|
|
|
you can say the PO is a moron also but theyre all pretty much that way. your manager should have your back.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 18:21
|
|
|
i know this ain't the thread for it but holy poo poo this job i just got, the manager is so bomb that this can't be real. i swear it's just an experiment in what happens to people when their boss treats them reasonably
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 19:03
|
|
|
Oh I know this one because it just happened to me! They leave aerospace and defense for software engineering because the pay is better.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 19:12
|
|
|
Fairly minor issue, but kinda mindboggling: I work as a lab tech doing some advanced equipment handling. Some of it has been having issues so, next week, a foreign tech from a scientific equipment firm is coming to take a look at it - and hopefully fix the issues. Apparently, nobody here but me speaks any English at all, so guess who's getting tasked to communicate with the guy. Today our senior lab tech, who is the one that has been wrangling our broken equipment into working shape for years, tells me to come see one specific piece of equipment I have never handled, so I can explain the issues to the foreign tech. So he starts explaining: chiller ain't got enough force to kickstart the cooling circuit, furnace vastly overshoots and doesn't control heat at low temps leading to messy measurements, there is a non-functional termopar. I get it and I think I'll be able to explain it. Then he ends the hour-long lesson with "by the way, a local tech is coming along too so we won't actually need you to translate a thing"  .I mean, I like learning new techy things but wtf. I kinda think the guy just loves talking about how poo poo works and the various patches he's done to keep them working.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 19:24
|
|
|
Switched to a new company wide site for time-keeping that.... Takes over five minutes to even log in because everything about it runs like dog poo poo. Nice.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 21:37
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 21:46
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 3, 2024 21:05 |
|
|
Cthulu Carl posted:Switched to a new company wide site for time-keeping that.... Takes over five minutes to even log in because everything about it runs like dog poo poo. Nice. "Everyone has to start their day at least forty five minutes earlier now due to our new time keeping system... Have a good weekend everyone" THE HOST HAS ENDED THE MEETING.
|
|
#
?
May 20, 2021 22:15
|
|
