(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Hey Josharoni and all, just wanted to say thanks for being there.
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May 18, 2021 15:46
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petit choux posted:Hey Josharoni and all, just wanted to say thanks for being there. Of course, and thank ya'll for sharing your guys' experiences.
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May 18, 2021 19:53
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breadnsucc posted:I read this thing, it helped make sense of some of the poo poo bothering me I wasn't part of any actions last year, and I don't have PTSD, so I hope this doesn't come off as sounding like bullshit. A lot of problems that existed last year are still around this year, and I'd argue that some of them are even worse. We're effectively being gaslit that things are better now that someone else is in the white house. I'm honestly more stressed than I ever was under Trump, because so many people have gone back to brunch. It's as if these problems don't exist any more. We absolutely need validation to feel sane. I feel like most of the people in my life aren't validating this perspective. I can at least find that kind of validation on this sub-forum. I can find validation for my mental health issues through therapy/psychiatry/support groups. It's very hard to find validation for my worldview AND mental health, though. This thread is the only place I've found for that, and I really appreciate it. I don't know exactly what you're going through, but maybe you can reach out to fellow activists? They may not understand the mental health component, but at least they may be able to validate other things you're dealing with. I follow the cool zone thread, and from what I've seen, you've been through some real poo poo. I'd consider you a legit combat veteran, and in this random internet stranger's opinion, you're a badass. Also, I read that document you linked and I think it has some good takes.
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May 18, 2021 20:14
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breadnsucc has issued a correction as of 19:14 on Aug 21, 2021 |
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May 19, 2021 02:10
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I think the one thing I've been struggling with recently is trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with the transition that comes with leaving the service. I was talking about it today - I don't regret making the decision I made over ten years ago (as much as I do poo poo on it), but just can't relate or identify with my peers anymore. I do it for my son (he's 3), but there are some days where I just can't loving stand it.
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May 19, 2021 02:20
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breadnsucc posted:Yeah I've got people on here watching out for me(thank you) and people out there watching out for me(thank you). I'm super lucky in that I have a therapist who was super in the poo poo during civil rights stuff and shares my worldview(loving thank you), because like you said, there's this question of am I loving crazy or is the world loving crazy and its like well I'm hosed up no doubt, but the world is way, way more hosed up than I am and the best I can do use the things that make me recognize that I am hosed up and the world is hosed up to try to make it better somehow. lmao That's awesome that you have a therapist who gets you. I recently explained why I wasn't excited for Biden's presidency to mine lol. Josherino posted:I think the one thing I've been struggling with recently is trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with the transition that comes with leaving the service. You probably don't need me to tell you this, but there are threads in Goons in Platoons that might have some advice. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3805165 https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3750680
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May 19, 2021 03:43
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Uganda Loves Me posted:That's awesome that you have a therapist who gets you. I recently explained why I wasn't excited for Biden's presidency to mine lol. Much appreciated. I'll definitely have to check it out. I've been on this high recently where I'm finally able to be around my son more often now that I'm stationed back home, but I have these moments where I hit really deep lows.
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May 19, 2021 04:23
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I still have not been able to actually find a new therapist because even looking through Psychology Today stresses me out And I just can't help feeling like I'm *right* to feel miserable all the time I don't want to feel better about my lovely life, I want to stop having a lovely life
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May 20, 2021 05:45
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DoubleDonut posted:I still have not been able to actually find a new therapist because even looking through Psychology Today stresses me out that sucks man. i get the overwhelming part of the search. feel free to pm me if you want help looking again
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May 20, 2021 07:12
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thank you for the offer; I don't think I have any questions about how to do it, it's just working up the gumption to actually do it I don't know if there's a more elegant term than, like, "emotional exhaustion" but that's the main way I feel about it. The last two times I had to get a therapist were when I was in college and I called the on-campus health center and said "I've been having thoughts of suicide and I need help" and they just assigned me whoever was available at the time (which ended up working out for me) and when I was living in my very small hometown again and just got lucky considering how few choices there were, so this is the first time I've had to actually take an active role in this part
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May 20, 2021 07:24
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DoubleDonut posted:thank you for the offer; I don't think I have any questions about how to do it, it's just working up the gumption to actually do it For what it's worth, I completely relate. When you need help the most, it's the hardest to get it. For a while as an undergrad, I had a social worker assigned to me by the university. She made calls for me, and helped walk me through problem solving. I've never had an experience like that since then. It feels like all the legwork is dumped on us, the "medical consumers." There's insurance bullshit, delays, and offices that won't even return your calls. That's all before you even get to see the therapist to see if they're any good. These all add up to a legitimately frustrating experience. This is turning into the worst motivational speech ever, so I'll just say that the problem is definitely not on your end. Psychiatric services need to account for the stress involved in obtaining help. I also agree about wanting a better life, not just feeling better about your life. I don't know if Maslow's hierarchy of needs is still considered relevant these days, but it shows that we need our basic needs met before working our way up to more complex needs. Therapy feels a bit like trying to start at the top of the hierarchy, and working our way down.
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May 20, 2021 17:41
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Uganda Loves Me posted:Therapy feels a bit like trying to start at the top of the hierarchy, and working our way down. Ugh yeah that's a really apt description. The slog to find a new doc is super hard, especially if you're on your own. It took me the better part of three months to request an intake appointment for DBT. Keep trying, even if all you can do is open the website in a tab - even the smallest of steps is still progress. When the therapy is good, it's really good. It's the only thing that makes this whole hell system worth the pain.
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May 20, 2021 17:53
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DoubleDonut posted:I still have not been able to actually find a new therapist because even looking through Psychology Today stresses me out I totally get this. But, even if you're at the mercy of circumstances you can't control, it'll at least give you energy to take any opportunity for change that presents itself. That's something IMO. (Plus, increasing quality of life is never a bad thing.)
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May 20, 2021 21:04
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DoubleDonut posted:I still have not been able to actually find a new therapist because even looking through Psychology Today stresses me out Just wanted to ask - how well equipped are you when it comes to coping mechanisms? I can really empathize and relate to not wanting to endure or just settle with forcing yourself to feel better about having a lovely life.
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May 21, 2021 15:23
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Josherino posted:Just wanted to ask - how well equipped are you when it comes to coping mechanisms? Im not even sure what qualifies as a coping mechanism; Ive never been formally taught any in therapy. Mostly I just try to keep my mind on other things, which can be difficult with how dull my job is, and try to spend my free time doing things that will hopefully allow me to someday stop doing this kind of thing for a living. My last therapist told me I was practicing radical acceptance and I told her I didnt know that even had a name
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May 21, 2021 16:19
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UnfortunateSexFart has issued a correction as of 12:37 on May 22, 2021 |
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May 22, 2021 07:23
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DoubleDonut posted:Im not even sure what qualifies as a coping mechanism; Ive never been formally taught any in therapy. Mostly I just try to keep my mind on other things, which can be difficult with how dull my job is, and try to spend my free time doing things that will hopefully allow me to someday stop doing this kind of thing for a living. Terms like "coping mechanisms" can seem really rigid/black and white when I think about it - is there anything you do or that interests where you notice, "hey, I'm feeling pretty good right now".
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May 23, 2021 18:47
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So I havent posted here much and have been trying to keep the house stuff to my thread in HCH but I felt pretty good today. I lost 10+ lbs in just a couple weeks from not eating but in the past few days Ive been having at the very least 1700 calories, which is huge. Today I managed to do a bunch of self care and grooming stuff I have been putting off. Some of it like shaving/plucking my eyebrows isnt really necessary, but I made me feel a lot more human and back to a better state of mind. I have a therapist now that I will be talking to every Monday starting next. I think its going to be okay. edit: I also cared for my neglected plants today!!
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May 24, 2021 04:06
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perepelki has issued a correction as of 06:04 on Jul 28, 2023 |
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May 24, 2021 05:27
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perepelki posted:i'm getting frustrated about my therapy experience right now. not the therapist herself, she's great. but it's not easy having an hour per fortnight to be told that my feelings are valid and i'm not to blame for everything and my family did in fact gently caress me up, when the rest of the time my entire family (all of them, my therapist is astonished at the total lack of support in my life) are telling me that i'm wrong and everything is my fault and they're perfect and my therapist is an idiot. like she can only do so much when everybody around me is so crushingly self-centred and actively working against the therapy sessions because the thought of anyone but me actually taking a bit of responsibility for my trainwreck childhood is like kryptonite to them I'm sure I sound like a broken record by now, but I highly recommend checking out your local NAMI. Or even one that isn't local. Different chapters have support groups that are weekly, and you could attend multiple groups. There are also peer to peer classes, which many find useful. I know how hard it is to get that boost from the therapist, only to be worn down day after day from lack of validation. Peer support groups are full of people who will get what you're going through. Getting involved in my local DBSA and NAMI has made a huge difference in my life. Depending on your region, there may be other organizations available. In some places throughout California and Arizona, we have Recovery Innovations International, which is poorly named but useful. They have walk-in facilities where peers can take classes and hang out during the week. Facilitating groups, teaching, volunteering and serving on the board of my local chapter give me a sense of purpose. I've also made some good connections. Just a few days ago, someone from a peer to peer class texted me pictures of her 5 cats, with funny descriptions of their personalities. Allegedly, one of them has 16 nipples. This may be neither here nor there, but I feel like my long road to recovery has made me a better person. Therapy, classes, and support groups have taught me healthier ways to interact with people, and have given me a better understanding of others. It sounds like you're outgrowing your family in a lot ways, and I see that in a number of people I know. We're the ones putting work in to better ourselves, when ironically the people around us may need it even more. In the off chance that your family does want to learn and improve, NAMI also has family to family classes. It teaches people how to cope with having a loved one who has a mental health diagnosis. It helps give them a better understanding, and teaches them healthier ways to interact with us. I never got my family to take it, but it may be worth a shot.
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May 24, 2021 06:21
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Josherino posted:Terms like "coping mechanisms" can seem really rigid/black and white when I think about it - is there anything you do or that interests where you notice, "hey, I'm feeling pretty good right now". I don't tend to notice for myself (at least, while it's happening) but I started streaming stuff recently (because I finally have an internet connection that can support it) and I've been told by friends and family that I sound a lot more animated and happy while doing that compared to usual. Otherwise I just try to keep myself busy and distract myself, which I've luckily gotten pretty good at as long as I'm not sitting at work with nothing engaging to do.
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May 24, 2021 07:21
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Some old personal demons of mine came back. Only now I have a solid theoretical framework on pointing out why a high-paying job does not make you a better person, nor does being a hard worker mean you're doing anything useful to society. I don't think I've ever before applied socialism to anxiety, but hey, if it works it works.
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May 24, 2021 07:57
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Uganda Loves Me posted:Just a few days ago, someone from a peer to peer class texted me pictures of her 5 cats, with funny descriptions of their personalities. Allegedly, one of them has 16 nipples. we're gonna need those pictures
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May 24, 2021 18:02
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CONSTANT religious ptsd and memories of being inside churches and being forced to listen to religious figures, also I just ended up homeless. I feel like Im losing my mind.
Somebody has issued a correction as of 03:25 on May 26, 2021 |
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May 24, 2021 18:28
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Segata Sanshiro posted:CONSTANT religious ptsd and memories of being inside churches and being forced to listen to religious figures, also I just ended up homeless. I feel like Im losing my mind. Hang in there Champ, don't loving go dying on us, you are one of us. We need you. Somebody has issued a correction as of 03:26 on May 26, 2021 |
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May 24, 2021 22:49
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Segata Sanshiro posted:CONSTANT religious ptsd and memories of being inside churches and being forced to listen to religious figures, also I just ended up homeless. I feel like Im losing my mind. I am interested in your story and you are free to message me if you would like to vent more or process or I don't know. But I'm here. Somebody has issued a correction as of 03:26 on May 26, 2021 |
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May 24, 2021 22:57
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DoubleDonut posted:I don't tend to notice for myself (at least, while it's happening) but I started streaming stuff recently (because I finally have an internet connection that can support it) and I've been told by friends and family that I sound a lot more animated and happy while doing that compared to usual. Streaming? That's awesome! Would you mind plugging it - or maybe even sending it as a DM so I can check it out? I'd definitely love to share it with others (with your permission of course).
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May 25, 2021 14:35
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Segata Sanshiro posted:CONSTANT religious ptsd and memories of being inside churches and being forced to listen to religious figures, also I just ended up homeless. I feel like Im losing my mind. It's a judgement call and I'm choosing not to take action personally. Please do keep posting if you need it! And as always my PMs are open. thehandtruck posted:we're gonna need those pictures Not posting these pictures however is actionable *finger hovers over 100k probation button* Somebody has issued a correction as of 03:26 on May 26, 2021 |
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May 26, 2021 01:46
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Chokes McGee posted:It's a judgement call and I'm choosing not to take action personally. Please do keep posting if you need it! And as always my PMs are open. Agreed - please reach out to someone, even if it's just to take your mind off a few things for a few minutes.
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May 26, 2021 02:19
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Chokes McGee posted:It's a judgement call and I'm choosing not to take action personally. Please do keep posting if you need it! And as always my PMs are open. Uh oh! I'll do my best to copy over the pictures and the conversation. EDIT: I made an album https://imgur.com/a/9fZ48jX I may have other animal pics and stories. Uganda Loves Me has issued a correction as of 04:51 on May 26, 2021 |
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May 26, 2021 04:27
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just kind of throwing out thoughts into the void here; I feel like I'm incredibly lucky since I've got a job that's about as good as I could realistically ask for and a stable place to live, but I also feel like I'm completely incapable of actually maintaining human relationships, like im constantly paranoid no one actually wants to tolerate me (which I also suspect means that I'm bad at picking up on legitimate signals) and I just genuinely don't know how to keep up with people outside of a social excuse- my only real social life was a church group that largely died in the pandemic and a few people I'd have drinks with but now I'm on night shifts and it's hard to schedule around it. Also this probably sounds silly since I'm only in my late twenties but it feels like I've had so little practice at it that I won't be able to get my poo poo together in the future
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May 26, 2021 05:01
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StashAugustine posted:just kind of throwing out thoughts into the void here; I feel like I'm incredibly lucky since I've got a job that's about as good as I could realistically ask for and a stable place to live, but I also feel like I'm completely incapable of actually maintaining human relationships, like im constantly paranoid no one actually wants to tolerate me (which I also suspect means that I'm bad at picking up on legitimate signals) and I just genuinely don't know how to keep up with people outside of a social excuse- my only real social life was a church group that largely died in the pandemic and a few people I'd have drinks with but now I'm on night shifts and it's hard to schedule around it. Also this probably sounds silly since I'm only in my late twenties but it feels like I've had so little practice at it that I won't be able to get my poo poo together in the future hello hello, I've basically said all these exact things and had the same concerns. it's a pretty miserable spot to be since no matter how goony we might be, it's nice to have friends. I worked on this a lot using CBT therapy and resources and did a TON of kinda silly worksheets where I would have to write down the "evidence" I had. which for me turned out to be very little/none. it's certainly not a quick change but when I catch myself having those thoughts I can stop myself my spiraling out. It makes sense now but I really did not understand how PTSD just creeps into every aspect of life, even in stuff like having friends. but I suppose that's what brain doctors get paid for. I don't know if that's helpful at all but you are not alone! Having a good job and stable living situation is great but we're social animals and deserve to have good relationships.
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May 26, 2021 05:28
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Josherino posted:I think the one thing I've been struggling with recently is trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with the transition that comes with leaving the service. hey! I got out of the military about 6 years ago and to this day have a lot of feelings about it. it's a hard rear end transition back to normal life and I can fully understand to not relating to anyone around you. I personally don't post in GIP but I do think there's some good resources there and you are welcome to PM me to shoot the poo poo if you'd like.
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May 26, 2021 05:33
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Consummate Professional posted:hey! I got out of the military about 6 years ago and to this day have a lot of feelings about it. it's a hard rear end transition back to normal life and I can fully understand to not relating to anyone around you. First - Thank you for your service my friend! Serious props and kudos for taking that transition head on. I feel like after a decade of doing this, I can't relate to how hungry my peers are. I just like being me, you know? One of the most frustrating parts of this career is really looking at everyone around you and thinking, "holy poo poo, all of you are lame"
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May 26, 2021 23:03
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Just wanted to share this here because this is something I'm kind of ashamed about IRL. Only a few friends know about it, and not my gf or family. Earlier this year I ended up on antibiotics for a month, which coincided with me desperately looking for a new job and stopping smoking weed in case of a drug test. I didnt drink the whole month but ended up smoking again towards the end. Its the longest time I've been sober from alcohol for a decade. I wasn't necessarily drinking heavily, but I'd usually have 2 or 3 drinks a night on weekdays, more on weekends. In the first week of my sobriety I called out sick to work because I couldn't sleep, felt a bit shakey, got the chills, etc, and I assumed these were side effects of the antibiotics (most of them fit) but I realized after it was also likely alcohol withdrawals. As soon as I was finished I started drinking again, and im basically back up the to frequency I was before. I dont think I've spent a day without alcohol since I finished the antiobiotics. I intended to just drink on weekends, but I'd find excuses to drink during the week, every day. Ive been meaning to start working out again but have been hitting the brewery immediately after work instead. Today I woke up saying I wouldn't drink and by the end of the day I drove to the brewery on the way back from work. Lucky me, every table is full, and the bar seating is closed because of covid. I came home and started working out instead. Its a small victory, but I've found just getting that first day through makes all the difference. I hope I can keep it up tomorrow as well.
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May 27, 2021 02:06
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titty_baby_ posted:Just wanted to share this here because this is something I'm kind of ashamed about IRL. Only a few friends know about it, and not my gf or family. Earlier this year I ended up on antibiotics for a month, which coincided with me desperately looking for a new job and stopping smoking weed in case of a drug test. I didnt drink the whole month but ended up smoking again towards the end. In the small chance it's helpful, I instituted a rule for myself years ago because I felt I was drinking excessively. I only allowed myself to drink if I worked out. Now at first it was a problem because I worked out a lot anyway, but eventually I got more into the workout than the drink and became really determined to lose some weight and reduced my drinking after doing it this way for a while. Not because the drinking was bad, but because I wanted to look better. And in fact it was the only thing I ever did that noticeably affected my weight. So where virtue failed, vanity helped. And I am coming off of a year-long high on weed and it's put me in some very, horribly bad moods. I've been self-medicating and all the poo poo that I've been numbing myself about has all come back, but at least I have the compassion of my wife, who has been a real support. I was high as gently caress for a year straight for a number of reasons (TRUMP!), including constant pain from arthritis and two damaged rotator cuffs, and now that I'm getting my second inoculation tomorrow I will actually be able to get medical attention, finally.
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May 27, 2021 02:27
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I had a meeting with my boss about coming back from medical leave and was blindsided by my two other managers coming in with him, staring me down and presenting a paper for me to sign that I will not cause disruptions, show up for all my scheduled shift in full, finish my work on time etc. It was so cold. I was expecting them to greet me and ask how I was doing but instead was given a sterile can you hack it? talk. I cried because, well, it sucked and they told me that was a sign that I wasnt ready to work and cant take criticism. Then they all walked away and I cried in my car in the parking lot. Just a spot-on way to approach an employee who went through a mental health crisis. I just dont want to even work there anymore but theres no other jobs around here that I could qualify for. I have a mortgage now, so I HAVE to go back to work sooner than later. Im hosed and honestly, this just set me back to where I was before.
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May 27, 2021 18:37
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Ball Tazeman posted:I had a meeting with my boss about coming back from medical leave and was blindsided by my two other managers coming in with him, staring me down and presenting a paper for me to sign that I will not cause disruptions, show up for all my scheduled shift in full, finish my work on time etc. It was so cold. I was expecting them to greet me and ask how I was doing but instead was given a sterile can you hack it? talk. I cried because, well, it sucked and they told me that was a sign that I wasnt ready to work and cant take criticism. Then they all walked away and I cried in my car in the parking lot. Just a spot-on way to approach an employee who went through a mental health crisis. I just dont want to even work there anymore but theres no other jobs around here that I could qualify for. I have a mortgage now, so I HAVE to go back to work sooner than later. Im hosed and honestly, this just set me back to where I was before. that's so loving lovely. i'm sorry. their behavior is psychotic and repulsive. good luck on your journey; the path is winding. titty_baby_ posted:Just wanted to share this here because this is something I'm kind of ashamed about IRL. Only a few friends know about it, and not my gf or family. Earlier this year I ended up on antibiotics for a month, which coincided with me desperately looking for a new job and stopping smoking weed in case of a drug test. I didnt drink the whole month but ended up smoking again towards the end. thanks for sharing. i just wanted to say to you and anyone else who may have some leanings towards addiction/alcoholism, AA is a powerful entity capable of providing a salted circle where people can heal. alcoholics often think they can contain their disease on their own, as a single person. But they forget it wasn't created on their own, in a single person. it was created by their family system, their cultural system, their genetic/biological system. therefore a person can't heal it by themselves, on their own.
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May 27, 2021 19:25
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Ball Tazeman posted:I had a meeting with my boss about coming back from medical leave and was blindsided by my two other managers coming in with him, staring me down and presenting a paper for me to sign that I will not cause disruptions, show up for all my scheduled shift in full, finish my work on time etc. It was so cold. I was expecting them to greet me and ask how I was doing but instead was given a sterile can you hack it? talk. I cried because, well, it sucked and they told me that was a sign that I wasnt ready to work and cant take criticism. Then they all walked away and I cried in my car in the parking lot. Just a spot-on way to approach an employee who went through a mental health crisis. I just dont want to even work there anymore but theres no other jobs around here that I could qualify for. I have a mortgage now, so I HAVE to go back to work sooner than later. Im hosed and honestly, this just set me back to where I was before. I've been following what you've been going through, and you deserve to be treated so much better. You've been proactive and kicking rear end in your recovery. Their treatment of you goes far beyond callousness, and is discriminatory. They're trying to hold you personally responsible for a legitimate medical condition. If you're in the USA, you have protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act. They're legally required to provide reasonable accommodations. I'm not a lawyer, and I'm not saying legal recourse is even the best course of action. I just want to say that you've done nothing wrong. You worked hard to get through a tough situation. This is entirely their gently caress-up.
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May 27, 2021 19:27
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 03:15 |
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I honestly feel worse than ever. At least back then I knew I had a job that liked that I would go back to. Now I dont even know what to do anymore. I thought it was my lowest before. This is it. Im lower than low. Where can I even find a decent job or anything? What do I do? I have nowhere to go that feels okay. edit:  This is what was immediately presented to me to sign before returning to work (which the three of them said I was currently unfit for) Am I crazy for thinking this is just completely unacceptable to approach somebody with? They did not give any examples of me being disruptive and the only absences I had were from my COVID shot and when I had a bout of IBS 3 months ago. why am I being a write up for having a mental health crisis? Ball Tazeman has issued a correction as of 00:30 on May 28, 2021 |
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May 27, 2021 21:17
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