r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

tinytort: Jun 10, 2013; Super healthy, super cheap

Sisal Two-Step posted:

I fully admit to being the type of person to closely follow cat rescue kitten streams (spay and neuter, everyone!) and I've literally never encountered such a thing as siblings picking on the runt of the litter. It's just... they can get rough but that's kittens. Kittens are basically 3 brain cells, 20 claws, and no sense of proportion or restraint. I'm sure OP isn't lying but... what an odd story.

(Also cats don't remember each other like that after a long separation. I guess if trauma was associated with the memory, then maybe?)

It could even just be that the travelling and being in a strange environment was stressful for the cat. Because, yeah - being taken miles away from home, dropped into a room with other cats, and expected to get along and be adorable is going to be something that freaks them out. The poor cat was probably expecting it to be a vet trip.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 20:59

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 13:35

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

carry on then posted:

Yes, that's true. I literally quoted the part where the OPs insecurity is likely coming from. If you believed that every sexual encounter would get as far as you undressing before the other person left in disgust, you'd probably have hangups too.

"get as far as undressed before the other person left in disgust" That's like third base for me.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:00

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

tinytort posted:

It could even just be that the travelling and being in a strange environment was stressful for the cat. Because, yeah - being taken miles away from home, dropped into a room with other cats, and expected to get along and be adorable is going to be something that freaks them out. The poor cat was probably expecting it to be a vet trip.

Apparently OP does this all the time?

quote:

While he normally loves meeting new cats (I've taken him to friends and family houses with other cats),

Like, mine flees the house in terror when anybody not in the family visits, and often hides all day after the cleaners have been in, so I'm in no position to judge.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:05

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Some cats are totally fine traveling and some are very much not. You just kinda keep an eye on how your cat is reacting and act accordingly.

Source: about to begin shared cat custody with my ex starting in two weeks and I�ve done a lot of anxiety reading. there are a lot of cats and a lot of personalities I�m contending with. aaaaaa

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:10

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

Maybe the house had a weird smell? Maybe the cat was sick? I refuse to accept the cat was traumatized by kitten bullying. Kittens are far too stupid!!

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:11

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

pentyne posted:

These big vagina ladies are getting away with murder.

Vagina dentata is real folks, and it's sexy

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:14

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

Kitten bullying in action (warning! graphic!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9AuFUrKo6I

And some content:
AITA for snapping at my ILs when they tried to influence us to force our adopted son to meet his birth mother?

quote:

My husband and I adopted his nephew Kai when he was 6 years old. He had a rough start. His birth mother was never involved and my husbands brother was a single parent for five years of Kai's life. Then my husbands brother met a woman. They were together for a while and got engaged. All while Kai never met her. Kai met her and found out they were expecting a baby the day of the wedding. He knew his dad had someone but no introduction had taken place. What followed was Kai was placed second to the new baby girl and eventually he came to live with us, and a few months after his 6th birthday. In the space of a year he had his whole world turned upside down and it left a major mark on him.

It has been hard to get him into a more secure place. He suffers with many self esteem issues and has been in therapy since we became his legal guardians. His self esteem took a hit when we got pregnant with our second child (first bio, counting kids we count Kai as our first) and it took a lot for him to be okay. But he adores her and they have a great relationship. Then it happened again with our third child. First he was afraid we would dump our daughter for the new baby. Then he was afraid she would love baby brother more than him. Thankfully he was able to get through it all with love and therapy. There was another hit to him when one of his so called friends bullied him. It really messed with him. And it showed that things can cause setbacks. He had been bullied before and it didn't bother him because the kid was just some kid. But a friend doing it hurt.

Anyway, I say all this because he can still struggle and some things cause setbacks. Maybe certain things always will, or maybe he needs more time. His old therapist always said he always made progress even when he had a setback, he was never as bad as the last time. And we should really listen to him and trust our guts. But she retired and now we have a new therapist This therapist told us, upon learning his birth mother had reached out and wanted to meet him, that we should discard what he wants (he doesn't want to meet her) and force him because it would be healing for him. We worry about a setback, and a more major one too, being she's his birth mother. My husbands parents learned some of this from talking to Kai and then they started pushing us to make him meet her. They say he deserves to know her, that it would be good for him to have that experience. We told them no. My husband said they needed to drop it because it was not their decision. But they persisted. And Friday they came to me while I was alone and called me selfish and said I was jealous. And I snapped. I told them how dare they say it when they aren't the ones who deal with every setback, who have to deal with the nightmares, the sleepless nights, the endless worrying about how to manage when he's in a bad place. I basically let it all out in a tidal wave of emotion and they are pissed and said I was an rear end for ranting at them.

AITA?

Fire the new therapist (into the sun) and tell the ILs to gently caress off a second time.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:28

emptyspace: Oct 21, 2008

My cat hides when people come around. She's just now, after 7 years, warming up to my girlfriend. I wouldn't say she likes my gf, but she does accept pets. No cuddling, though. I couldn't imagine taking her somewhere for a kitty play date. That's just insane.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:30

reignonyourparade: Nov 15, 2012

So much animal stuff is based on getting them familiar with poo poo from the very start so it's not unbelievable that if someone started taking their cat to meet other cats early on, they would be fine with going to meet other cats.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:35

Tomfoolery: Oct 8, 2004

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for not taking my cat on a "playdate" with his litter mates?

Dude drives 3 hours one way for a cat play date which he spends psychoanalyzing his cat and you want to talk about the cats??

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:44

packetmantis: Feb 26, 2013

Sisal Two-Step posted:

Kitten bullying in action (warning! graphic!)

Hey, it's Kitten Lady! I love her!

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:48

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

I mean, I dunno if he has accurately anthropomorphized the cat's reaction, but he observed that it had freaked out and decided to not subject it to the experience again. That sounds perfectly reasonable.

What floors me is that this was apparently an actual cat playdate and not a crazy cover for a booty call. What the heck

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:52

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Tomfoolery posted:

Dude drives 3 hours one way for a cat play date which he spends psychoanalyzing his cat and you want to talk about the cats??

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:57

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Is the cat's name Ferguson?

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:58

emptyspace: Oct 21, 2008

Mine gets along with other cats just fine. I already had a couple cats when I found her as a kitten, though. She does not like strange people or riding in cars, though. Socialization is a key thing, though. I gave a friend of mine a kitten. He took it to work every day. No carrier or anything, the cat just loved the car ride and seeing all the people at his shop. He named it Cosmo. It died, sadly, from some illness, so I gave him a little black kitten I found in a field, and he named it Rumi, after his favorite poet. That cat's nuts. He doesn't take it to work, but if Rumi is annoyed, he'll mash his head against the wall and scream. Things that annoy Rumi can be something simple like being told to get off the table.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:58

betaraywil: Dec 30, 2006; Gather the wind
Though the wind won't help you fly at all

Tomfoolery posted:

Dude drives 3 hours one way for a cat play date which he spends psychoanalyzing his cat and you want to talk about the cats??

I don't know if I speak for everyone who wanted to talk about the guy, but where does one even begin? He has his breaking point, and it's so far into the Crazy Zone that I can't give him any guidance. He's seen more than I have, and been places I will not go. Godspeed to him.

Anyway here's Buffy after she climbed into a pile of her own discarded fur and Faith snuggling with her new best friend E-Reader

# ? Jun 20, 2021 21:59

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

packetmantis posted:

Hey, it's Kitten Lady! I love her!

Me too! I love that she's an 'affluent heiress' (sort of--her dad was in Styx) and she spends her time, money, and energy on kitten fostering (and occasionally puppies and piglets).

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

What floors me is that this was apparently an actual cat playdate and not a crazy cover for a booty call. What the heck

I hadn't thought of that. Maybe the woman was hoping for a little action and op got spooked and that's the real reason they won't go back.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 22:01

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for not letting my friend read secret letters my great uncle received from his secret lover?

She got upset and said that my great uncle is dead anyways so why do I care
(in my opinion, the dead are dead and that 'don't dishonour the dead' is a dumb belief).
I wasn't offended by that, but I told her she had to leave because I didn't trust her not to read the letters.

I'm good with the OP's call, but I think there's some degree of overlap on their position and the "don't dishonor the dead" principle they're against.
Unless I'm misunderstanding the point of that paranthetical.

Daduzi posted:

[UPDATE] Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan]

They all operate a little differently based on where you live and what program you do, but we use stuff like the power and control wheel and there are steps in my program. There is no official federal program I don't think.

Wow, I loved The Power; didn't know there was a sequel.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 22:10

packetmantis: Feb 26, 2013

Sisal Two-Step posted:

Me too! I love that she's an 'affluent heiress' (sort of--her dad was in Styx) and she spends her time, money, and energy on kitten fostering (and occasionally puppies and piglets).

I didn't find out about her dad until recently and I was like :aaaaa:

, it's so cool that she just... loves animals so much.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 22:14

betaraywil: Dec 30, 2006; Gather the wind
Though the wind won't help you fly at all

Sisal Two-Step posted:

Me too! I love that she's an 'affluent heiress' (sort of--her dad was in Styx) and she spends her time, money, and energy on kitten fostering (and occasionally puppies and piglets).

As a guy who was way too into Styx in high school, I immediately thought "I wonder if it's the one Tommy Shaw wrote songs to as a metaphor for his fanbase and presumably groupies" and uh apparently yes. I was not prepared for this very specific piece of trivia to reappear twenty years after I last thought about it for any reason at all.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 22:21

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

I hate the initials instead of names thing, but here's the setup:

AITA for "stealing" my sisters house?

quote:

In May 2018 my husband "M" and I moved in with my little sister "L" and her friend "R." They were already renting but needed new roommates. M & I needed to find a place. The house was a walk to my work so we moved in. It was a house with affordable rent in one of the most expensive cities in North America. It needed a lot of work but M (with a little help from us) turned it into a badass place.

L and I don't always agree. She can get mean which puts her and M at odds. She hates that M and I follow "gender norms" so when he gets protective, she gets nastier. That said, L and I are very close. We went through some serious poo poo together as kids and we've always had this intense bond.

In Sep 2019, we were on a trip for L's bday. We got into it. She blew up telling M & I that we couldn't live there, needed to find a new place, and to consider this our eviction. R went to calm her down and when they came out L apologized. She said we didn't need to leave by Oct 1 but it wasn't working. She reiterated that we would need to leave because she wanted to keep her house.

Early Nov, an apartment in our area came up. The day we signed papers, we gave notice to L&R for Dec 31. R took it in stride but L got really upset. She freaked out that they couldn't afford the place without us and we were screwing them by leaving.

The next day L&R came to the conclusion that finding a roommate was too risky. M & I tried to pursuade them to stay, put up roommate ads to help, and told them they shouldn't make any decisions. We encouraged them to look until the end of the month and only give notice if they didn't find someone. By the end of the week, L&R had signed a lease in an apartment for Dec 1.

M & I had decided to keep the house. We ate the cost of the rent at the apartment and gave our notice before we even moved in. It's a big enough house for future kids and it meant that we could all still hang out there. When L found out, she went berzerk. She accused me of masterminding a plan to steal her house from her. She told me I betrayed her and left her with nowhere to go. She said it was our fault she had to pay rent at two places in Dec.

I never wanted to hurt my sister. It just seemed logical. Someone should keep it. It was a one in a million find. There was no malicious intent but I apologized anyway since she was hurt.

It tooks us months before we were okay again. She continued to make it clear that she felt we had done something wrong. She constantly had snide remarks about my husband and our house. Eventually I got fed up and asked her what I needed to do to fix it. She said we could move past it but it would always be a sore spot and things got better.

Fast forward a year and a half, every time we have any sort of disagreement she gets personal, throws in a jab about my stereotypical marriage, and follows it up with bitterness about the house. Am I actually the rear end in a top hat? Should I have just let the house go and moved into the apartment?

And the knockdown:

quote:

At that time, L&R were earning more than M & I. They could have afforded it! We also got a roommate and we found her with no trouble at all.

(Sadly, the pandemic screwed us so we don't have the house anymore either which means she's mad about a house that none of us have.)

# ? Jun 20, 2021 23:25

packetmantis: Feb 26, 2013

Guessing by "she hates us for following gender norms" she means "I made a bunch of snide comments about her and her '''''friend''''' R and I just don't understand why they can't accept that some people have different opinions!"

# ? Jun 20, 2021 23:28

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

packetmantis posted:

Guessing by "she hates us for following gender norms" she means "I made a bunch of snide comments about her and her '''''friend''''' R and I just don't understand why they can't accept that some people have different opinions!"

I didn't want to quote a bunch of comments but the OP responded to a similar question.

quote:

She's heterosexual! She's just single. I'm actually bi; I just happened to end up with a man. The gender norms issue with our marriage never came up in the 8 years of our relationship prior to living with them. It seems tied solely to the fact that while living together I did most of the cleaning/cooking because in her eyes he refused to do it. She says it's "anti-feminist" because I did most of the traditionally female tasks and he did traditional male tasks.

First off, I actually enjoy cooking! Secondly, our parents never taught us handy skills so I was contributing with the skills I did have. And finally, my husband was working 60+ hours a week while I was working 40. It's hard to cook dinner if you aren't home until 11pm! Now that he's home a lot more, he does a higher percentage of the household chores and has started showing me how to fix things as he does it. We'll probably always fall into those gender norms of me cooking and him fixing though because we're happy that way.

# ? Jun 20, 2021 23:44

packetmantis: Feb 26, 2013

Egg on my face!

# ? Jun 20, 2021 23:56

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

teen witch posted:

Some cats are totally fine traveling and some are very much not. You just kinda keep an eye on how your cat is reacting and act accordingly.

Source: about to begin shared cat custody with my ex starting in two weeks and I�ve done a lot of anxiety reading. there are a lot of cats and a lot of personalities I�m contending with. aaaaaa

good luck buddy

# ? Jun 21, 2021 00:05

Tetramin: Apr 1, 2006; I'ma buck you up.

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Weren�t you the poster who was always posting about how men with small ducks are unworthy of love in the last thread?

Yeah that�s been that posters gimmick for an extremely long time and I was honestly just shocked to see a sincere post from them lmao.

# ? Jun 21, 2021 00:23

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

packetmantis posted:

Egg on my face!

To be fair, with a statement like that you still had a 50/50 on picking which one was crazy. Because one of them was sure as hell going to be.

# ? Jun 21, 2021 00:25

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

�I told them that they needed to move out, and now they�re moving out! What the gently caress???�

# ? Jun 21, 2021 01:13

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

The Maroon Hawk posted:

�I told them that they needed to move out, and now they�re moving out! What the gently caress???�

Yeah, what the hell? They gave them a "get out" ultimatum and then when they got out, SHOCKED PIKACHU FACE

# ? Jun 21, 2021 01:47

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

"You're supposed to cave to the ultimatum and give me what I want, not actually do the thing I'm threatening you with!"

# ? Jun 21, 2021 02:07

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

A month ago:
Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms)

quote:

EDIT: Thank you all so much for your support, advice and kind words! Your comments have given me a lot to think about, and I will be making contact with a family lawyer shortly.

Four years ago I met Bob (40M). Bob had recently become the guardian of his nephew Ben after the death of Ben's parents in a car accident. Ben is the same age as my son Jason, 11 at the time, now 15.

At first it seemed perfect. I was over the moon at finding a man who was not put off by the prospect of taking on a soon-to-be teenage stepson (Jason's father is not in the picture), and in spite of being very different personalities, the boys got along from the beginning, so Bob and Ben moved into my house within less than a year.

Ben was always a quieter, more creative kid where Jason is more athletic and boisterous, and from the start I got the sense that Bob 'understood' Jason's way of being more than he did Ben's. At first he would take them both to sports games, but Ben obviously had no interest and so pretty soon he just took Jason. At the time it seemed like a natural choice - Ben was bored at the games and Jason honestly reveled in having all Bob's attention - but after that things started unraveling. As they grew older the difference in the boys became more obvious (their choices of clothing, hairstyle, friends, music, hobbies, etc.), and so did Bob's preference. He started making little comments comparing them and encouraging Ben to be more like Jason. At first it seemed like he was trying to be helpful, thinking that Jason's way of being was healthier (he's more outgoing, has a more active social life, etc) because that's what he remembered from his own experience, but after a while there was clear snideness there which it was impossible not to hear. My son has always had a strong protective streak/sense of fairness, and in spite of their differences and the late age they were introduced, he and Ben are very close, so Jason's reaction to Bob's remarks favouring him was to take Ben's side. He stopped going to games with Bob and generally liking him, and for a while became openly hostile on Ben's behalf. That stopped once he and Bob had a major argument. Jason backed down at that point because, he told me, he realised that if he kept making himself unpleasant, Bob and I might break up, in which case Ben would have to leave too. Since then, with a few exceptions, he has been coldly civil. Meanwhile, Bob has come to believe Ben is gay based on what I consider spurious evidence (not that it matters to me whether he is or not). He wanted to send him to a military type reform school, and when I vetoed that, his behaviour towards Ben has escalated to a subtle kind of downright nastiness.

Needless to say, all of the above strained Bob's and my relationship to breaking point and then broke it. Seeing his ongoing behaviour towards a child who needs him I can no longer look at him with anything but disgust. The thought of him touching me makes my skin crawl and I desperately want him out of my house (we're not married and it's still in my sole name, thank God), but now I have the same problem Jason was worried about : If I end the relationship and kick Bob out, Ben will have to go to, since legally I have no tie to him whatever. He's fifteen now and although he has borne everything by stoically ignoring Bob, I can't in good conscious let that man be solely responsible for him (for what it's worth, I have always tried to stick up for him and get Bob to see that there are many types of boy in the world and all of them are equally okay). Not to mention, I don't think Jason would ever forgive me if I did. I would happily take guardianship of Ben if I could, even if Bob made no financial contribution at all we could manage if we cut back on luxuries. My concern is that I am far from sure Bob would agree. However he personally feels about Ben, Ben is still his flesh and blood and Bob feels strongly about that (to be honest I think it's part of the reason he resents Ben so much - Ben is 'the last of the line' and not turning out how Bob thinks his family should be represented). If I were to start a conversation along those lines and Bob refused to allow Ben to stay, it would be incredibly difficult to roll back. The idea of having to continue to play his supportive wife to stop him leaving of his own accord for another two and a half years (till Ben turns 18) sounds like a nightmare, but the alternative is worse. What is the best way to manage and get through this?

TL;DR: Partner has shown himself to be abusive and homophobic towards his nephew. I want to leave him, but if I do he will likely take his nephew with him. What do I do?

Update today:
Update to Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms)

quote:

Hi again everyone. I posted about my family problem about a month ago and was bowled over by the amount of kind and extremely helpful comments I got. Someone requested an update, so I'm posting now to tell you what's happened since. To be honest it's also to unburden myself, the boys are really sweet but I obviously can't talk to them about these things and there aren't a lot of people in my life I feel comfortable sharing all the details with. I suppose I'm embarrassed.

The week after my original post, I met with a family lawyer I know to go over options. I actually wrote down the legal suggestions posted here to discuss with her, but unfortunately, after going over each and several others in detail, we had to conclude that for each one, while it might technically be feasible, it would either take too long to be practical, or require things from Bob or from Ben which for various reasons were not ideal. Following the meeting, I was mulling things over and decided to take a long hard look at our finances to see what might be affordable as a compromise, such as perhaps sending Ben to a GOOD boarding school and pay tuition up front, so that if I then left Bob it would be easier and cheaper for him to leave Ben there rather than move him to a different school.

Anyway, I went over our financial records with a fine-toothed comb, and that's when I discovered Bob was cheating on me, and had been for the entirety of our relationship. It turns out that, prior to Ben's parents' death, Bob had been about to move in with another woman. This woman didn't want kids, so when Bob was suddenly faced with taking custody of Ben or seeing him placed in foster care, she made it clear she would not be involved (for the record I can't say I blame her - I love my boys with all my heart, but asking someone who never wanted kids to parent a bereaved 11 year old she has never met is not in anyone's best interests in my opinion). When I confronted him about the affair, he didn't even attempt to deny it. He seemed ashamed (good!!) and just asked what happened next, so I told him that next he was going to get his stuff and get out of my house, but first ask Ben if he wants to go or stay, because it wouldn't be fair to disrupt the poor kid's life any further. Ben quickly said he preferred to stay, and Bob seemed frankly relieved. He moved out that weekend and I haven't seen him since. We've been in touch by text to discuss financial arrangements, though, and last week he sent me money to cover Ben's basic expenses (nothing like as much as child support, but under the circumstances I'll take it and be glad). From his attitude I take it that he's seeing this as a longterm thing, but even he doesn't, according to the family lawyer, his leaving Ben with me even for a while, along with Ben's age and the fact that Bob is his guardian rather than his father, would make it easier to build a case for Ben to stay even if Bob does try to fight it. The lawyer is confident that such a battle could be won, or at least dragged out till Ben is 18 and it doesn't matter anymore. So that, as you can imagine, has been an enormous relief.

That makes it that much harder to admit that finding out about Bob has still hit me hard. The fact is that, even though I was absolutely done with him and wanted him out, there was a time I truly believed he wanted to be with me and that we could build a life together. I knew our relationship wasn't a romance for the ages or anything like that, but it was by far the best I'd had since before my son was born and I really thought we cared for and valued one another. Now I realise that all he ever wanted from me was a mother for Ben. He as good as admitted it, and in retrospect it makes complete sense. That's why he never wanted to get married or buy into my house even though I offered (though now of course I am grateful!), because he wanted to make it as easy as possible to split from me once Ben was old enough to no longer require my services. I think it might even explain why he was so hard on Ben and grasping at straws for a reason to send him away. I never expected it of him based on what else I knew or I never would have been with him, but if he was blaming Ben for getting in the way of his life and simultaneously feeling guilty for, that could turn a mild-mannered person mean I think. Maybe he even thought if Ben was away most of the time the other woman would be willing to compromise for a few years? I don't know. I've even been wondering whether he decided to pursue me before we'd even met (the boys met first through an extracurricular where they became friends. It's possible that Jason mentioned my being single in passing, allowing Bob to identify me as potentially 'suitable' before we ever met).

I'm sorry this is such a mopey post, I truly am grateful for the way things worked out, I think it's the best possible solution for everyone under the circumstances, and not one I could have achieved without Bob's 'help'. And the boys have been wonderful, they didn't know I was trying to get Bob out anyway so they've been treating me very gently (or as gently as you can expect teenage boys to be, anyway) and trying to pretend they aren't thrilled Bob is gone when I'm in the room. I'm glad of that, to be honest. I AM so grateful he's gone and Ben is still safe here with us, I just need a bit of time to really remember it, I think.

TL;DR: It turns out Bob has been cheating on me most likely for the entire duration of our relationship. He's moved out and left Ben with me.

Scumbag meets reasonable person. Hurray, I guess?

# ? Jun 21, 2021 03:00

thotsky: Jun 7, 2005; hot to trot

Maybe I am misunderstanding that post, but lady seems like a Saint.

# ? Jun 21, 2021 03:10

Soysaucebeast: Mar 4, 2008

Midnight Voyager posted:

Yeah, what the hell? They gave them a "get out" ultimatum and then when they got out, SHOCKED PIKACHU FACE

Lmao that happened with my last roommate. My husband and I were renting a room in the roommates house and one day he told us we needed to move out by like October (I don't remember exactly but it was a three month window) so he could move his girlfriend in. I figured why wait, applied around and got a place a month later. He spent that entire month bitching that I screwed him and he couldn't afford the mortgage himself for the next two months.

Like dude I did literally exactly what you said. You played yourself.

Soysaucebeast fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Jun 21, 2021

# ? Jun 21, 2021 03:38

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Lemniscate Blue posted:

I hate the initials instead of names thing, but here's the setup:

AITA for "stealing" my sisters house?

I love that OP called her sister's bluff & kept the house, some people are so, so stupid

# ? Jun 21, 2021 05:01

Aramoro: Jun 1, 2012

BOOTY-ADE posted:

I love that OP called her sister's bluff & kept the house, some people are so, so stupid

I think what I've missed is what the bluff was, didn't the sister just tell her to move out, she didn't want anything just for her to move out.

# ? Jun 21, 2021 08:11

reignonyourparade: Nov 15, 2012

Aramoro posted:

I think what I've missed is what the bluff was, didn't the sister just tell her to move out, she didn't want anything just for her to move out.

The fact that she was freaking out at the prospect of them actually moving out at least kinda implies a bluff.

# ? Jun 21, 2021 08:13

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

I think the sister was expecting them to procrastinate leaving/not find a place so quickly. Except they got out of there like a batvout of hell and suddenly the sister was down rent before she could set up another room mate. The dates for the ultimatum and the actual departure were pretty wide, right?

Still amusingly hoist by her own petard either way.

E: nope, I remembered it wrong. Sister didn't give a move out date and they didn't move for three months.

FoolyCharged fucked around with this message at 09:25 on Jun 21, 2021

# ? Jun 21, 2021 09:23

Ocean of Milk: Jun 25, 2018; oh yeah

Serephina posted:

A month ago:
Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms)

Update today:
Update to Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms)

Scumbag meets reasonable person. Hurray, I guess?

Better people-understanders (or more active readers) than me may have suspected or even saw it from a mile away, but I was really caught off-guard by the cheating.

# ? Jun 21, 2021 09:34

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Ocean of Milk posted:

Better people-understanders (or more active readers) than me may have suspected or even saw it from a mile away, but I was really caught off-guard by the cheating.

I wasn't anticipating the cheating but when it showed up I was just "well that's unsurprising". The exact nature though, that was out of left field

# ? Jun 21, 2021 09:52

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 27, 2024 13:35

massive spider: Dec 6, 2006

Algol Star posted:

No, saying one person is not genuine is in no way saying that rehabilitation is impossible. Nor is applying scrutiny to someone's words instead of blindly accepting them saying that rehabilitation is impossible. Far from it, applying scrutiny is essential to ensuring that rehabilitation is possible.

This is very common amongst people who are abusive and manipulative and follows a recognisable pattern to the point where people have shared their personal experiences with their abusers acting the same way. He's not concerned about her at all and he tries to imply he's just mentally ill but now he's getting treatment he'll be fine.

The simple answer: watch peoples actions not their words.

His words are the right things to say, some people are very good at saying The Right Things and then going back to doing the exact same poo poo they've been doing. Since we don't know him though we have no way of knowing either way.

# ? Jun 21, 2021 10:58

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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