Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

My first car would let you pull the key out in any position, poo poo was great.

Current car requires you to push the brake pedal as you push the on button or it just tells you �HOLD DOWN BRAKE TO START� on the driver�s screen. And it won�t turn off unless it�s in park.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 19:59

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 00:59

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

My car has both the push to start/keyless and a keyed ignition, I used vagcom to disable the keyless because I manage to demo a replay attack on it to start it without the actual key.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 20:12

Steezo: Jun 16, 2003; Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

CommieGIR posted:

I used vagcom to disable the keyless

Hell of a place for a microchip.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 20:19

Wrr: Aug 8, 2010

Nystral posted:

Ok but why do you have an NFC chip in your hand?

Same reason I installed neodymium into my finger tips shortly after: why not?*

*Well I mean it IS cool but also I had rapidly plummeting mental health while stationed in Warner-Robins and I think it was ultimately one of those "body mods as a way to assert control over ones body" type things.

The neodymium comes in handy at work as a way to find out if things still have live power or not; I can feel the electromagnetic fields now!

Got the chip installed at a tattoo parlor in near the base (terrible idea, I know). The tattoo artist was open carrying a pistol and kept practicing his quick draw in the mirror and was convinced the government would be able to track me despite me explaining that it A) only has what code I put on it and B) has a read/write range of a few centimeters.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 20:26

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

So what happens if you need an MRI?

# ? Jul 9, 2021 20:44

Wrr: Aug 8, 2010

Casimir Radon posted:

So what happens if you need an MRI?

After explaining some of this to the hand doctor at the VA (where they were treating me for rock climbing injuries which I guess they cover) she said, after the usual long pause and blank stare of bewilderment I usually get when talking to doctors, that the VA could take them out if I wanted or needed to. Might take the one out of my right hand cause it does get in the way, but, I spent like $110 on these and I don't want to waste my investment.

Others with them installed have said the MRIs with them in either felt like really intense vibration but fine, or was extremely painful. My current plan is to simply not need an MRI.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 20:48

bird food bathtub: Aug 9, 2003; College Slice

MRIs are not always well planned out as in emergency situations the patient may not be conscious to give those kinds of details. Maybe they do a pre-screening X-ray that might catch it? I dunno, ER stuff happened after I was done with the patient.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 20:58

stevobob: Nov 16, 2008; Alchemy - the study of how to turn LS1's into a 20B.

Wrr posted:

Others with them installed have said the MRIs with them in either felt like really intense vibration but fine, or was extremely painful. My current plan is to simply not need an MRI.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 21:01

evil_bunnY: Apr 2, 2003

Midjack posted:

I love what poo poo like this implies for credential theft when someone wants your access badly enough.

What did we say about mossad threat modelling?

# ? Jul 9, 2021 21:02

Wrr: Aug 8, 2010

bird food bathtub posted:

MRIs are not always well planned out as in emergency situations the patient may not be conscious to give those kinds of details. Maybe they do a pre-screening X-ray that might catch it? I dunno, ER stuff happened after I was done with the patient.

Then I won't be awake to feel what happens and its fine, or the pain wakes me up, which seems good in the context of being too unconscious to consent to an MRI.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 21:05

GD_American: Jul 21, 2004; LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

Two things come to mind about chipped people- first, one of Bill Burr's best bits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJwFG3MsgEU

Second, an RPG called The End, basically set after the End of Days:

quote:

To give a brief history of the end, it, of course, starts when thousands of people receive the mark of the beast. In this case it�s the WonderChip � the S.U.C. This is a kind of passport, credit card, license and everything else bundled into one microchip and implanted into thousands. Just the kind of thing to make any number of conspiracy theorists heart attacks at just the thought. Not long after that, a tiny number of people just up and disappear as the virtuous are taken bodily into Heaven.

The first seal, Pestilence, is broken when a coalition of Middle Eastern nations wage war on Israel, but this time they release a biological agent in Jerusalem itself. The second seal, War, is the American retaliation. A short-lived war killing millions in the Middle East. This is about when demons stream onto the Earth, possessing whoever they can. The third seal, Famine, comes in the guise of tainted fertilizer distributed throughout the US and a number of ecological disasters throughout the world. The fourth seal, and the last horseman, was Death. A disease/toxin from Japan is exposed to the fertilizer from America and mutates into deadly red fog of death,

Shortly there after, Babylon Falls as the coast of California slides into the Pacific and the Antichrist rises as the head of the UN. The fifth seal slips by almost unnoticed as a young nun dies brutalized as the Last Martyr. God made his wrath apparent in the Sixth Seal, when the Earth and heavens shook and all the sinners of the world went to Hell. The final seal was a dream for the survivors, showing them the gates of paradise closing off to them.

From that point on, it becomes a story of struggle and survival as those left behind, the Meek, scramble to make a life for themselves. Colonies and refuges rise and fall. Heroes emerge, trying to shelter those around them, but far more people simply do whatever they need to survive, or even revel in sin now that God (and all danger of punishment) has left the building.

From what I remember, basically the phone numbers the chips all dialled in to send info started with a 666 prefix.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 21:57

Vengarr: Jun 17, 2010; Smashed before noon

Revelations definitely belongs in the idiot thread.

I still get a chuckle sometimes thinking about the Gog and Magog story from the Iraq war. Bush really had a way with words.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 22:12

Wrr: Aug 8, 2010

GD_American posted:

Two things come to mind about chipped people- first, one of Bill Burr's best bits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJwFG3MsgEU

Second, an RPG called The End, basically set after the End of Days:

From what I remember, basically the phone numbers the chips all dialled in to send info started with a 666 prefix.

Love to get The Big SUCC from Satan.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 22:20

KirbyKhan: Mar 20, 2009; Soiled Meat

CainFortea posted:

You can hook up readers to your computers to do things by just putting your hand on it. People have done it and hooked it to their cars so they can start their car by touching the gear shift.

Dope as gently caress

# ? Jul 9, 2021 23:14

CainFortea: Oct 15, 2004

Wrr posted:

Others with them installed have said the MRIs with them in either felt like really intense vibration but fine, or was extremely painful. My current plan is to simply not need an MRI.

I stretched one day sitting at my desk and desperately needed an MRI right afterwards.

So don't stretch.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 23:30

Nystral: Feb 6, 2002; Every man likes a pretty girl with him at a skeleton dance.

Dick Burglar posted:

Push-button starts on cars are a plague in the same way Internet of Things are. gently caress both of them.

I understand wanting to keep your keys in your pocket, but turning a little knob on your steering column (that may or may not house a key) is not any harder and a hell of a lot more of a positive control than herp derp push butan

My wife has wrist issues and turning a key is physically painful for her to the point where I was driving or turning the key for her before she left the house.

# ? Jul 9, 2021 23:40

MrYenko: Jun 18, 2012; #2 isn't ALWAYS bad...

Wrr posted:

Others with them installed have said the MRIs with them in either felt like really intense vibration but fine, or was extremely painful. My current plan is to simply not need an MRI.

I had a childhood friend who got into tattoos and body mods HARD, and refused to have his subdermals removed in order to undergo diagnostic MRIs for some neurological issues. He had a seizure at like two o�clock in the morning on the corner of his street when he was walking home from the tattoo parlor, and died at 38 years old.

Don�t do that, fellowgoon. If the docs say you need an MRI, do it. Until then, Cyberpunk your poo poo up. I think it�s cool as gently caress.

:v:

# ? Jul 10, 2021 00:01

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Um.... what's the point of having neodymium in your hands?

# ? Jul 10, 2021 00:14

CainFortea: Oct 15, 2004

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Um.... what's the point of having neodymium in your hands?

Magnets are rad.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 00:17

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Um.... what's the point of having neodymium in your hands?

you can detect em fields from the slight movements of the magnet inside your finger

# ? Jul 10, 2021 00:21

Kevin DuBrow: Apr 21, 2012; The uruk-hai defender has logged on.

That's amateur poo poo, you need to put an implant in each finger in order to suss out the 3d magnetic sphere

# ? Jul 10, 2021 00:26

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Oh, so its one of those neat effect things.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 00:29

maffew buildings: Apr 29, 2009; too dumb to be probated; not too dumb to be autobanned

what the gently caress you people are chipping yourselves like you're a fuckin' cat that might run away so you can start your car or whatever??

# ? Jul 10, 2021 00:55

Hyperlynx: Sep 13, 2015

I thought the EM detecting magnet implant thing was cool, and nearly had it done. Instead, I bought a magnet ring that's meant to be used for magic tricks. I figured if I wore it all the time, I'd also get used to feeling EM fields.

Well, it turns out if you wear a magnet powerful enough to make things float for magic tricks, it's also powerful enough to not so much detect electronic devices as screw them up. After I accidentally made my building's elevator make alarm noises, I realised this wasn't a good idea

# ? Jul 10, 2021 01:09

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Is... is neodymium toxic?

# ? Jul 10, 2021 01:15

bird food bathtub: Aug 9, 2003; College Slice

not caring here posted:

Is... is neodymium toxic?

Pure neodymium probably is I imagine. Rare earth metals in their pure form tend to do bad things with heavy metal toxicity. Neodymium magnets are a pretty specific alloy though that as far as I've seen is fairly chemically non-reactive as it tends to be coated with, uhh, nickel I think? Tend to shatter and break on impact or pinch/crush fingers all the way up to limbs depending on the size of the magnet mostly. I use them a lot for my modeling and those two along with never, ever heating them up are the only safety issues I'm aware of once it's alloyed as magnets.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 01:21

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

not caring here posted:

Is... is neodymium toxic?

Usually they embed it in silicone to prevent it from breaking down.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 02:01

Wrr: Aug 8, 2010

not caring here posted:

Is... is neodymium toxic?

Its coated in some bioproofing so that I don't get hosed up by it and my body doesn't gently caress it up either. Its a too way street!

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Um.... what's the point of having neodymium in your hands?

Its a new sensory input and therefore cool as hell. Comes in handy at work and its neat to walk down the streets and know when I'm above a transform or something in NYC or feel the pulsing of the breaks on the trains in Tokyo

# ? Jul 10, 2021 02:06

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

The neodymium isn�t commonly exposed in any magnet. The shiny surface is usually nickel. The body will attack nickel, though, so the magnets have to be plated in something biocompatible like gold. Oftentimes there�s a silicone layer surrounding that.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 02:08

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Comes in handy at work to see if terminals are still live sounds like the start of an accident investigation :stare:

You do you I guess but...

# ? Jul 10, 2021 02:29

Guest2553: Aug 3, 2012

Kevin DuBrow posted:

That's amateur poo poo, you need to put an implant in each finger in order to suss out the 3d magnetic sphere

Someone do a weapons school paper on how subdermal implants can make you a human interferometer that can SEAD harder.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 02:43

Source4Leko: Jul 25, 2007; Dinosaur Gum

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Comes in handy at work to see if terminals are still live sounds like the start of an accident investigation
You do you I guess but...

There's almost as easy and far safer ways of doing this.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 02:52

Wingnut Ninja: Jan 11, 2003; Mostly Harmless

Guest2553 posted:

Someone do a weapons school paper on how subdermal implants can make you a human interferometer that can SEAD harder.

*takes an EMALS catapult shot*

*airplane stays completely stationary while ten bloody fingers go shooting out of the cockpit*

# ? Jul 10, 2021 04:36

Defenestrategy: Oct 24, 2010

I have a coworker that got a qr code tatted to the back of their neck like some sort of knock off agent 47.

I've always been curious what the code links to, but It seems like it'd be a real fun prank to store a malware link on it.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 05:33

canyoneer: Sep 13, 2005; I only have canyoneyes for you

Just get the covid vaccine and you'll be magnetic and 5G connected :tinfoil:

# ? Jul 10, 2021 05:39

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

Defenestrategy posted:

I have a coworker that got a qr code tatted to the back of their neck like some sort of knock off agent 47.

I've always been curious what the code links to, but It seems like it'd be a real fun prank to store a malware link on it.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 06:02

goatsestretchgoals: Jun 4, 2011

FrozenVent posted:

My first car would let you pull the key out in any position, poo poo was great.

Current car requires you to push the brake pedal as you push the on button or it just tells you �HOLD DOWN BRAKE TO START� on the driver�s screen. And it won�t turn off unless it�s in park.

My first car was stick and it always amazes me that you can start (most) autos without a foot on the brake.

E: re neodymium: how many debit cards do you go through in an average week?

goatsestretchgoals fucked around with this message at 06:29 on Jul 10, 2021

# ? Jul 10, 2021 06:23