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Lazy_Liberal
Sep 17, 2005

These stones are :sparkles: precious :sparkles:
should get him a little hidden flask of sparkling water

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Scags McDouglas
Sep 9, 2012

Me, pouring high-proof beer into the same empty 6 O'Doul's bottles every morning. "Nobody suspects a thing, this is the perfect crime".

lostleaf
Jul 12, 2009

cumshitter posted:

In the comments it's revealed that wine lady's boyfriend regularly poors himself entire glasses of vanilla extract claiming to love the taste. She hasn't figured out vanilla extract is 35% ABV. He also uses lots of Listerine.

This is extremely impressive that someone can drink an entire glass of vanilla extract. That's strong dedication to alcoholism and not just physiologic addiction.

wilderthanmild
Jun 21, 2010

Posting shit




Grimey Drawer

Halloween Jack posted:

He seems to be addicted to the robotic act of drinking can after can. If he switched to LaCroix it would still be a weird compulsion. I have to imagine that he's literally crushing them on his desk.

For some reason I always imagined it as someone dressed in short sleave shirt and tie smashing cans on his forehead and letting out a loud burp after each.

Lazy_Liberal
Sep 17, 2005

These stones are :sparkles: precious :sparkles:

Scags McDouglas posted:

Me, pouring high-proof beer into the same empty 6 O'Doul's bottles every morning. "Nobody suspects a thing, this is the perfect crime".

do they make timed release capsules for butt chugging

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


AITA for ignoring the opinions of the mother of the bride?

quote:

(Throw away as I've made posts concerning my business on my main, also English is my first language, I just struggle with writing so sorry for any mistakes, thank you)

Ok, so I (27M) make custom garments. A few months ago I got a request from a bride (28F, who I will be calling ‘Maddie’), she was really nice and wanted to see if I did alterations as she wants to wear her mother’s wedding dress but wanted it altered to fit her and wanted some changes done to the dress.

She sent me a pic of her in the dress as well as descriptions and image descriptions of what she wanted and we agreed on a price, normally I would ask her to ship the dress to me but she actually lived a few towns over so we set up a date to meet up, so she can give me the dress and I could show her the sketches and mockups.

(just to clarify, the dress belonged to her mother that passed when she was 15, the mother I mention in this story is her stepmother)

I get to the cafe first and sit down, about 15 mins after we were supposed to meet Maddie and her mother walks in, Maddie is really apologetic and started explaining that she and her mother were coming here after they had gone shopping for wedding jewellery and her mother didn’t want to leave when they had to. I said it was fine.

She pulled out the dress and showed it to me, it’s a beautiful vintage dress, her alterations aren't too difficult, the biggest change is that she wanted to change the neckline and style of the sleeves. The thing is, every time I would tell Maddie something about the process or suggest something and no matter how Maddie reacted, I always got huffs and eyerolls from her mother. Maddie went to the bathroom before leaving and her mother came up to me, told me that she didn’t like a few of the ideas I proposed and wanted to suggest something herself and pulled out a list, I stopped her and told her that any suggestions or changed would need to be told to me by the bride, so she would have to tell Maddie her ideas.

She got visibly annoyed and told me that I ignored her the whole time and as the mother of the bride she should have an opinion, I told her that Maddie was my customer not her. She then tried to tell me that it's her old dress, I told her that I know it's not, it’s Maddie’s dead mother’s old dress, not hers, she left in a huff. When Maddie came back from the bathroom, I told her what happened she didn't seem too surprised but was frustrated, she apologised and thanked me for telling her and that she cant wait to see her finished dress.

I was talking about this to a fellow designer who specialises in bridal wear and she told me that I should have involved the mother in the beginning and that I was just being rude to her, is should have taken the list and tried to pitch the ideas to Maddie. I really didn't think what I did is wrong but I don't get wedding commission often so im more used to working with cosplayers, maybe there are some unspoken rules I didn’t know about, so AITA?

coronatae
Oct 14, 2012

El Spamo posted:

Huh.
That's... that's a lot more meaningful in full context. The dead person apparently (relying on google translate a lot) had that community and music/dance as a huge part of his life and wanted it as part of their funeral.
It's weird, sure, but it makes sense as to why it's performed.

I went to a funeral that featured a Christian mime performance but the deceased had been really into Christian mime

Involuntary Sparkle
Aug 12, 2004

Chemo-kitties can have “accidents” too!

Motronic posted:

That is the study about putting much larger volumes of alcohol into liquids. The story we're discussing is a few tablespoons of alcohol being put into a dry pan at high heat.

It also looked at flambed foods. There are later studies that corroborate the lack of complete burn off, too. If the entire volume of liquid is evaporated, sure, but a lot of the time deglazing turns into liquid sauce.

It's just a caution against the myth of complete alcohol burn off in food preparation.

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for ignoring the opinions of the mother of the bride?

They're probably more blunt than typical people in the wedding industry, but that seems to be a good thing here.

"You're not my customer, I work for the bride take it up with her"

sephiRoth IRA
Jun 13, 2007

"Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan
Genuine question, if a couple tablespoons of alcohol are used to deglaze a pan, and not all the alcohol burns off, and it's fed to an alcoholic, but they aren't aware, do they make a sound?

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for ignoring the opinions of the mother of the bride?

Gotta love the other designer being a pushy rear end in a top hat.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for ignoring the opinions of the mother of the bride?

lol

AITA for taking my oldest child to my sister's child-free wedding?

quote:

I'm still shocked this whole thing happened, but I want to hear some outside perspectives... so here I am.

I have 4 kids (11, 14, 16 and 19). A while ago, we all received an invitation for my sister's wedding. That's me, my husband, and all 4 of my kids. Her wedding was in a different country but it was at a good time so we could all go. We booked everything and were all ready to go.

We got there a bit of time before the wedding. Quite literally a few days before the wedding, I was informed it was going to be a child-free wedding. Look, I have no issue with child free weddings. But, I was a bit a frustrated. I mean, if I had known it was going to be child-free, then arrangements could've been made so that we all didn't have to travel. We were all invited, so I was just annoyed that things were switched up. But, I can also understand that weddings can be stressful and sometimes things are going to change. I spent quite a bit of time trying to find a place for my three youngest to stay during the wedding, but I sorted it all out eventually.

Okay, it was wedding day, no more changes had been made, everything was good. We were on our way when I got a message that my sister was excited to see 'you two'. I was a bit confused, because, of course, three of us were going. I just decided it was probably an error and didn't worry. We got there, and my sister seemed very surprised to see my oldest. And not a nice 'surprised' either, a pretty condescending 'surprised'. But, again, it's her wedding day, she's probably nervous, I'll let it go. During the wedding, I couldn't help but feel she was ignoring us... I don't know, if none of this ever happened I wouldn't even care because, again, it's her wedding and she doesnt have to pay equal attention to everyone. But with everything else, it just felt weird.

After the wedding, she sent me a message that it was nice to see me there, but she would've appreciated if I had respected the 'child-free part'. I replied saying i was so happy for her and enjoyed every second of the wedding, and I thought I had respected it but if there was a miscommunication I was very sorry. She told me that there was no miscommunication, that I had disrespected her and I should apologize. I basically reiterated what I had already said, and didn't apologize. AITA?

EDIT: For those wondering about the invitation/RSVP: The invitation said '<bride and groom name> would like to invite <all 6 of our names>' and we were all asked to RSVP by email (which I did), I had also seen my sister between this and the wedding and it was clear she knew we were all planning to attend.

And yes, this is about my 19 year old - I used the definition of 'child' as son or daughter, not as under-18. Sorry for the confusion

Lazy_Liberal
Sep 17, 2005

These stones are :sparkles: precious :sparkles:
i'm so glad i'm never getting married

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

by Athanatos

Mx. posted:

lol

AITA for taking my oldest child to my sister's child-free wedding?

You say that your wedding is child-free, and yet you, a child, were still there. Curious.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:

Mx. posted:

lol

AITA for taking my oldest child to my sister's child-free wedding?

So per the sister's logic, since their parents were there, her sister should not have attended as she is a child of her parents. Also the groom can't attend if his parents are there.

Sisal Two-Step
May 29, 2006

mom without jaw
dad without wife


i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry
AITA for removing my friend as MOH?

quote:

Last year the love of my (24F) life, my fiancée (27M) proposed to me and of course I was thrilled. Call me a silly girl but I’ve always imagined my dream wedding and am so so excited to have that perfect day come true.

I asked my best friend (24F) to be my MOH. We have been best friends since HS and I was her MOH at her wedding. She was really happy at first but then started being distant lately. As my MOH I’d hope she would be helping plan the event and sending me wedding ideas and inspo but she hardly ever does. When I was her MOH I was always sending her ideas for her bachelorette/ bridal shower/ dress/reception etc, she has barely done that for me though. When I bring it up with her she is involved but she hardly initiates it and missed two of the wedding expos we were supposed to go to recently because she said she was too tired (that hurt my feelings ngl.)

Recently she told me that the reason she has been distant lately is she’s been having health problems (which she kept from me). She has now been diagnosed with MS. Of course I now understand why she sometimes can’t make expos, if she has dr appointments etc. and ofc I am upset to hear she has a chronic illness and will support her.

But it made me wonder if she should be my MOH. I am concerned that her health will make that difficult. When I told her this she promised me that she still will be up to it, it’s not like she’ll have to be in hospital, but I’m still worried. She says she’s tired all the time, she sometimes falls over or her hands shake, has trouble walking fast, even says she needs to pee all the time. She says the drs told her to rest more.

All these things will make it hard for her to be my MOH. She won’t be able to spend as much time planning the wedding, she might struggle on the actually day itself. What if she falls walking down the aisle, or can’t stand during the ceremony or keeps needing to run to the bathroom? What if she has to go and rest during the reception? She’s supposed to plan my bachelorette but she might not be able to put proper effort in now. I know it’s not her fault but it will make it hard for both of us and cause problems for the wedding.

It was a really hard decision for me cause I’ve always wanted her there as my MOH but I told her she won’t be able to be anymore. She was sad but understood. Later her husband (28M) called me, angrily saying she was having a hard time with her diagnosis and needed my support but instead I made it all about my “perfect wedding” and excluded her which “broke her heart”. This is NOT true and ofc she is still invited to the wedding. He said I’m an rear end in a top hat and acting selfish. I disagree, I love my bf but I also do have to think of my wedding and I think it’s fair.

So, AITA?
One day I will run for office on a single issue platform: make all weddings illegal.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011


I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

smh at everyone sleeping on this one:

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for being angry about my parents and grandparents keeping a secret and hiding a part of our family history from me?

"Our daughter's husband cheated on her with our other daughter and they had a baby, so we completely unpersoned the cheated-on daughter, to the point that we claimed she died in infancy when baby pictures showed up"

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012
I'm not sure if these were posted before, but this are definitely some top tier "what the gently caress" in terms of behavior with alcohol.

AITA for taking back my opened bottle of wine, a housewarming gift, when I found the host and her friends were using it for "wine enemas"?

quote:

I went to a good friends housewarming party. I brought with me a somewhat "fancy" bottle of cabernet that cost around $80. Not the fanciest maybe but I don't usually ball out that much on wine.

The party was going well and I noticed my wine had been opened and half had been drunk. Somebody told me they were enjoying it and started laughing uproariously. She told me to ask the host why.

Confused, I did so, I found her and she was very drunk. She told me my wine was a hit but I was mortified to find out that her and a few others were using my wine (along with others) for making "wine enemas".

I thought it was a joke but she was completely serious and took me to to the 2nd bathroom where a few people were gathered, wasted, with enema kits or whatever (I don't know the right word...) and a bunch of towels on the floor. Somebody was in the shower, pants off, laughing and the other people were encouraging her to "hold it in!"

I was absolutely aghast. I asked her to clarify if she had used my wine for an enema and she had.

I stormed back out to the kitchen, grabbed my bottle, and left the party. I was furious for my wine to be used in this way.

I got an angry text the next day that it was "impolite" to take back a housewarming gift especially when the wine was already opened. I have since heard from other friends that I over-reacted, that it's not my business how people enjoy wine I gifted them, and even some people saying that wine enemas are becoming common and that I shouldn't be so judgmental. I don't know what to think. I find a wine enema disgusting but at least use cheap wine if you have to?

I don't know.

Was I wrong to take my wine back when it was being used for enemas?

TL;DR - I gifted wine and they used it for wine enemas and I was annoyed by that and took my wine back.

AITA for drinking absinthe at a job interview?

quote:

Ok, so I know the title sounds bad, but bear with me - I had my reasons.

So, I (22M) have been really struggling to find a job since I graduated this summer. I'm searching in a highly competitive field (think finance), and yesterday was the first time I interviewed somewehre.

I took a small shot of absinthe when I woke up, just to settle my nerves a little. (Side note - my Grandad was of Czech origin, and he LOVED absinthe. He even used to brew it himself. My final birthday present from him was a novel 200 ml bottle he brought from his homeland. Unfortuantely, he passed away a couple weeks ago, so I decided to pour one out for him to ensure good luck in my interview.)

However, by the time I was sat in the company's waiting room, the effects had completely worn off. I started to feel sick with nerves - the pressure of the interview stage was getting to me after months of writing applications. I decided to sneak off to the toilet to take a couple of pre-interview shots to calm my nerves. The interview that followed actually went really well - I had great chemistry with the interviewer, and we were laughing, flirting etc.

The problem came when I, very stupidly, decided to sneak in another shot (for good luck) before the final interview with the CEO. Sadly, she emerged from her office precisely as I was mid-gulp. She looked horrified, and told me to leave the building. I tried to explain to her about my anxiety, and how I was simply medicating it, but she wouldn't listen and called security to take me away. Afterwards, I sent the company an apology e-mail and asked for another chance, but they haven't yet replied.

My mother thinks I'm an rear end in a top hat for drinking at all and called me an alcoholic, (she doesn't really understand alcohol,) but my brother 'doesn't see the issue' as long as I wasn't drunk.

So Reddit - who is the rear end in a top hat? Me for drinking before a job interview, or the CEO lady for not listening / calling security?

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy

pentyne posted:

I'm not sure if these were posted before, but this are definitely some top tier "what the gently caress" in terms of behavior with alcohol.

AITA for taking back my opened bottle of wine, a housewarming gift, when I found the host and her friends were using it for "wine enemas"?

dude, why did you want the bottle back after it possibly got shoved up multiple asses?

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:
Update on childfree wedding sister.

quote:

There were actually seats for all of my kids (at the start)! The 3 spare ended up being moved away

Lazy_Liberal
Sep 17, 2005

These stones are :sparkles: precious :sparkles:
lol pre-gaming the job interview

Hobnob
Feb 23, 2006

Ursa Adorandum

dog nougat posted:

Interesting. A lot of it still cooks out though.


Most people aren't using an entire glass of wine when cooking at home, so a fraction of a percent remaining of several tablespoons is essentially insignificant

A fun wrinkle is that if you use an instant pot or other pressure cooker, you don't get nearly as much alcohol reduction, which can add an unexpected twist to your boeuf bourguignon. (I really want to try that sometime). Also if you use a lot of alcohol with it, like some people do for making vanilla extract, you can create a potentially explosive vapour cloud when you vent the pressure. Good times!

coronatae
Oct 14, 2012

I want to do that thing where you boil pasta in wine, it was very fashionable for a while.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!
I think I posted the absinthe one. I still cannot fathom drinking absinthe neat out of a flask.

Kurieg posted:

I mean, the sister said she can't wait to be the "center of attention on her special day". So that weighs the rear end in a top hat scale heavily in her favor.
It's extremely normal to want to be the center of attention on your wedding day, but it's Extremely Normal to use those exact words.

Halloween Jack fucked around with this message at 00:21 on Jan 27, 2022

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012

Lazy_Liberal posted:

lol pre-gaming the job interview

either on reddit or maybe here someone pointed out his tale of "laughing and flirting and having an amazing time at the interview" sounds like he was drunk and completely misunderstood everything going on.

The thing with all these rituals is they're never about an actual ritual or pattern of actions, its about throwing down alcohol and creating reasons it's okay.

The Mad Man wannabe who got caught with a glass of whiskey at 10am who then replied all to his warning email with "maybe you just need to drink more" at no point considered just pouring ~1/2 shot of whiskey over an entire glass full of ice and sipping on it for the entire morning. It was about drinking whiskey like the show where they show people getting so drunk they piss their pants unknowingly.

pentyne fucked around with this message at 00:23 on Jan 27, 2022

Grape
Nov 16, 2017

Happily shilling for China!

AKA Pseudonym posted:

Had to find the thread on Reddit before I caught on that the picture isn't the design for each individual cupcake, it's the pattern the cupcakes are supposed to make when arranged together. Not only was it entirely unclear, it also seems like a pretty complex job for that price on that timeline.

She made a third edit that is literally a FAQ about her cupcake order story.

Lazy_Liberal
Sep 17, 2005

These stones are :sparkles: precious :sparkles:

pentyne posted:

either on reddit or maybe here someone pointed out his tale of "laughing and flirting and having an amazing time at the interview" sounds like he was drunk and completely misunderstood everything going on.

they don't really understand alcohol. using it to self medicate is perfectly normal behavior. perfectly normal.

anyways i got a zoom meeting coming up, gotta find the vodka

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!
Yeah, I love that the guy says "but I had my reasons" and his reasons are that he's an alcoholic who can't get through the morning without a few shots of liquor.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012

Halloween Jack posted:

Yeah, I love that the guy says "but I had my reasons" and his reasons are that he's an alcoholic who can't get through the morning without a few shots of liquor.

Look, who among us

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012

Halloween Jack posted:

Yeah, I love that the guy says "but I had my reasons" and his reasons are that he's an alcoholic who can't get through the morning without a few shots of liquor.

quote:

the effects had completely worn off. I started to feel sick with nerves

I'm reminded of that scene in Dopesick where the pharma rep goes "we, uh, call it pseudo addiction, we found that if you up the dosage it goes away"

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My [34F] husband [26M] told me he's considering a divorce and I don't know what to do

quote:

Me and my husband have been married for about 4 years now, we tied the knot pretty soon after we met because I accidentally ended up pregnant with our daughter who is now 4. I thought that I had the dream marriage I'd always wanted as a little girl after years of abusive relationships, but a few days ago my husband told me he wants a divorce and left home with our daughter. I was absolutely blindsided by this and have been an emotional wreck ever since. Yesterday on the phone he outlined all the issues he had with our marriage

He claims that I would blow up on him out of nowhere and it was negatively impacting his mental health. I apologize profusely every time this happens and let him know it isn't his fault and that it's work stress and parent stress getting to me, but controlling my emotions is very difficult at times. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I've been working on fixing these issues with therapy and medication I have but I admittedly have slip-ups. He said the last straw was a few weeks ago when I told him that I wished our daughter was never born, that he was going to cheat on me and that him making me a mother ruined my life and mental health. Again, I apologized IMMEDIATELY for this and let him know it wasn't true and that it was just the stress of motherhood getting to me, and I thought things were fine after that. It was only on the phone call that he said he didn't care and that if our child had heard that I would've hosed them up irreparably.

I've had issues with self-harm in the past, and it's a bit of an on-and-off problem. I haven't cut in several months, but he told me he still had nightmares about whenever I did it during arguments, and that he didn't think this was a good environment for our daughter to be living in.

He says our sex life has been exhausting for the past 3 years. My sex drive actually went way up after our daughter was born, but he often claims he's tired or not in the mood. This really hurts my feelings when it happens and makes me feel like he isn't attracted to me, but I always try to respect his wishes and consent. I once brought up the idea of an open marriage 2 years ago, but he immediately shut it down and I left it at that. Recently, we'd have sex 2-4 times a week, far below when we first met and it was multiple times a day, I would ALWAYS be the one to initiate it, and oftentimes he didn't want to do it until I told him how ugly and unattractive he made me feel when he rejected my advances. He's also lost a lot of enthusiasm and rarely finishes. Although he makes sure that I finish every time, after he tends to just stop and go to sleep which really hurts my self-esteem and has made me wonder if he's into other women.

The other "last straw" for him was when I accidentally left my Facebook logged in on his laptop and my best friend messaged me. He and my best friend hate each other because I would vent to him whenever we had marriage arguments and my best friend has repeatedly told me to leave him and that he couldn't stand to be around my husband. I've begged my husband to talk to him and sort out the issues before, but he says that since I'm the one who complains to him, I should be the one to fix it and that he wouldn't even listen to him, but I'm only complaining because of things he does that pisses me off or triggers me? Anyways, my best friend messaged me about how no woman will ever love him (he's 28, still a virgin and thinks all women hate him for being a Libertarian) and my husband claims he saw some messages between us that were unforgivable (not cheating).

He says that he has evidence saved of all my "misdeeds" and will be gunning for full custody of our daughter. I begged and pleaded with him asking if we could try couples counseling, but he said the time for that is past and he needs to do what is best for our daughter. I told him that this was short-sighted and selfish because a child needs TWO parents in their household to grow up healthiest but he basically hung up the phone on me. I talked to his other sister (23F and the only member of his family that doesn't seem to hate me) and she seems to think he just needs some time and we can probably work this out, and that I should try some grand gesture. I've been thinking about taking him to his favorite restaurant and buying him whatever he wants, but this is kind of a no-go when I don't even know where he is. I've been in individual therapy for almost a decade but I feel like this is really setting me back. What else can I do to not become a divorcee?

TL;DR Husband wants a divorce, I don't, I want to see if there's anything I can do to save our marriage

"misdeeds"

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

quote:

I have Borderline Personality Disorder
Yep.

Hughlander
May 11, 2005

How can I manage the resentment my girlfriend (25F) and I (42M) have for each other?

quote:

I know I'm going to get a lot of poo poo, for the absurd age gap and the way we started. And I agree and I deserve it but I would really like some genuine advice past going to counselling (she won't agree and I can't afford it anyways). Tangible things that I can work on and introduce to help us get past this either as a couple or as effective co-parents.

Long story short: My ex-wife and I were together since middle school. We have four daughters in their teens. I was a SAHD and part time worker for most of my life until my youngest was in middle school. My ex agreed to invest in a passion project business of mine. I hired a receptionist. We started an affair and she baby trapped me. Now we're living together and have a young son.

She resents me because she feels she was fooled. She saw me as a business owner who had a nice car, nice clothes, took her to nice places etc. She thought I was rich so she got pregnant on purpose (admitted it, not an assumption) hoping to use me to not work and sponsor her family from overseas. Well actually my ex-wife and her family are the rich ones. None of our homes were in our names. We were "renting" from her parents and giving them a nominal fee with the expectation that these homes would be left to my ex (and me) after their death. This allowed my ex's salary (~150K, not huge in the high COL area) to stretch and we lived a really good life. I left our marriage with half our savings (~25K) and my personal property and car. I lost my business due to lack of funding and I did not seek alimony.

I resent her because I feel I was fooled. I thought she loved me and couldn't believe the interest a young, hot woman showed in me. She was incredibly persistent and pursued me strongly. But she has no feelings for me, no care or desire. Now that the ruse is dropped, I can't believe I gave up my entire life for what I see was an ego trip. I loved my ex-wife, really I did and still do. But I had never been with another woman and any attempts to open our relationship were shot down. This was like a wet dream come true and I was weak.

Now both me and my gf are in a place we didn't imagine. She's living in a lovely apartment with an old man and still has to work. I've lost my kids, the love of my life, my family, my lifestyle, my business and it's all 100% my own fault. She stopped being intimate with me as soon as she found out I wasn't rich. We're still together on my end because I feel like I need to have something to show for this poo poo show of a situation. At least I got a son and a partner out of it. At least it wasn't for nothing. And also because I don't trust her with our son. She would never agree to give me full custody and she's not a good mother. I would be worried for his safety and the people she would have him around. I honestly don't know why she hasn't left me from her end.

What can I do to improve this situation? I know logically it would be best to break up and co-parent but I'm afraid for my son and I'm embarrassed for myself. Is there a way to salvage this situation?

I'm thinking of just telling her we can have an open relationship. She can sleep with whoever she wants and go wherever she wants as long as she lives here so I can have my son 100% of the time (I work from home). I don't know if that's the answer here though.

Update 1: How can I (42M) build my relationship back up with my kids (minor teens, Fx4) after an affair?

quote:

I had an affair, my ex-wife divorced me and my kids absolutely refuse to speak to me.

I was an incredibly involved dad. Most of their lives I worked 1-2 days a week and then stayed home with them the rest. I was closer to them than their mom and I'd like to think I've never disappointed them before this. I made a mistake, it's been over 2 years since it all came out and I haven't been able to make any headway.

My eldest is hung up on the fact that I now have a young son. Every first born of each generation in my family has been a boy for a long time and she broke the streak. I honestly could not care less about that, I've always thought that pressure was stupid and I'm not a traditionally masculine guy that always wanted a boy. But she's so hurt that I have a son and is convinced that's all I've ever wanted and he's replaced her and my daughters. None of that is true. All of my girls said they don't consider themselves to have a brother and want nothing to do with him.

All four of them feel betrayed and blame me for breaking up our family. I deserve the blame, it's my fault and I take responsibility. But I can't change the past and I don't know how I can begin making up for it. My ex has full custody of them but I'm supposed to have visitation one weekend a month. They're all in therapy and it was suggested to not enforce the visitation and respect their boundaries while they work through it. I've done that the entire time and there's no progress made.

Does anyone have any suggestions about what I can do here? My ex absolutely hates me but was always supportive of the girls staying in contact with me. She's respected their wishes but still gives me updates once in a while. My eldest is turning 18 soon and graduating this coming year and probably moving away for university. I feel like the time to make up with her especially is slipping away.

I know I'm the lovely person here. I was a terrible husband but I was honestly a really good dad and I miss my girls. Has anyone been through something like this? How did it turn out? What are your suggestions?

Update 2: UPDATE: How can I (42M) build my relationship back up with my kids (minor teens, Fx4) after an affair?

quote:

Good news: my girlfriend and I have broken up. She has gone back to her home country and left my son with me. Refused to sign any formal custody agreement so I'm hoping she stays there and doesn't bother us again. I'm pretty sure if she comes back and demands time with him I have a good case for maintaining custody. She's not even interested in face timing with him so he remembers her. I feel bad that my son will deal with a lovely/absent mother but I hope I can get him into therapy as he grows.

Bad news: I've tried my best to insist on visitation with my daughters and that has fallen through. They absolutely refused to see me. They wrote me a letter together that says how much they hate me, how betrayed they feel, how they'll never forgive me and how my son will never be their brother. To not even bother telling him about them because they'll never be interested in knowing him. Just to forget about them altogether and move on with my "new family". I have no legal recourse. The youngest is 13 now, old enough to have a say in custody arrangements. And I don't think forcing them to see me would do me any favours long term anyways.

They also included pictures of their mother's wedding. My ex has no obligation to tell me about her personal life but I'm pretty pissed that there is a man living with my daughters that I didn't know about. It is a family friend that has been in their lives 10+ years so not a total stranger but still hurt to see pictures of their recent wedding and family pictures with my daughters. They mentioned that they have a father figure and don't need me anyways.

The whole thing really hurt. I know I have no right to feel hurt that my ex has moved on when I cheated on her. But their whole relationship has moved very fast so I'm now wondering if they started it before we got divorced. No way to know now. Doesn't matter anyways.

My ex agreed to keep me up to date and send pictures of my daughters once in a while. After dealing with my son's mom, I'm grateful she is so good to our girls and I don't have to worry about their well-being. I'm trying to focus on being a good dad to my son and patiently waiting for my girls to grow up and reach out. It may never happen but I'm hopeful that they will understand me more as they become adults and gain context for life.

I need a cigarette after that one...

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy

Mx. posted:

thinks all women hate him for being a Libertarian

ahahahaha

Hughlander posted:

but I'm hopeful that they will understand me more as they become adults and gain context for life.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Midnight Voyager fucked around with this message at 00:48 on Jan 27, 2022

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012

Mx. posted:

(he's 28, still a virgin and thinks all women hate him for being a Libertarian)

Grape
Nov 16, 2017

Happily shilling for China!

Mx. posted:

My [34F] husband [26M] told me he's considering a divorce and I don't know what to do

"misdeeds"

I'm emotionally abusive but I APOLOGIZE!!!

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012

Grape posted:

I'm emotionally abusive but I APOLOGIZE!!!

"look, if you keep sticking a fork in the electrical socket it'll eventually trip the breaker and stop shocking you, god why is it so hard for people to offer forgiveness?"

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe

pentyne posted:

either on reddit or maybe here someone pointed out his tale of "laughing and flirting and having an amazing time at the interview" sounds like he was drunk and completely misunderstood everything going on.

The thing with all these rituals is they're never about an actual ritual or pattern of actions, its about throwing down alcohol and creating reasons it's okay.

The Mad Man wannabe who got caught with a glass of whiskey at 10am who then replied all to his warning email with "maybe you just need to drink more" at no point considered just pouring ~1/2 shot of whiskey over an entire glass full of ice and sipping on it for the entire morning. It was about drinking whiskey like the show where they show people getting so drunk they piss their pants unknowingly.

IIRC the Mad Men guy also really wanted to be able to "offer clients a drink" and got really disappointed when absolutely nobody ever took him up on the offer, so he started drinking it alone "so it wouldn't go to waste"

Agrikk
Oct 17, 2003

Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

sephiRoth IRA posted:

Genuine question, if a couple tablespoons of alcohol are used to deglaze a pan, and not all the alcohol burns off, and it's fed to an alcoholic, but they aren't aware, do they make a sound?

Maybe not a sound but the more militant nut jobs in AA would say they needed to reset their day count.


Realtalk: I was once fed a chocolate that was unknowingly filled with that jelly/brandy stuff. I didn’t realize it until I felt that little thrill of booze as it went down and I admit I panicked. My home group and my sponsor agreed that since it was an honest mistake it “didn’t count as a relapse” and I didn’t continue to gobble all the chocolates or go on a bender, so I didn’t feel like I should reset my day count.

YMMV

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WoodrowSkillson
Feb 24, 2005

*Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Hughlander posted:

How can I manage the resentment my girlfriend (25F) and I (42M) have for each other?


Update 1: How can I (42M) build my relationship back up with my kids (minor teens, Fx4) after an affair?


Update 2: UPDATE: How can I (42M) build my relationship back up with my kids (minor teens, Fx4) after an affair?


I need a cigarette after that one...

that just loving sucks, what a loving waste

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