PYF Horrible Food: your favorite procedurally generated menu items

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BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Hirayuki posted:

I was driving my 15-year-old home from school and chatting about our upcoming trip to Cape Cod. He's spent almost no time in New England and I was telling him about some regional favorites like Moxie and Grape-Nut ice cream.

Well, I wound up having to have The Talk about Grape-Nuts. No, they don't taste like grapes. Or nuts. As a breakfast cereal, you kind of need to use a lot of milk to soften 'em up or they can be unpleasantly crunchy, and for God's sake don't put too many in your bowl or you'll be stuck eating the things for far too long. He likes grape and artificially grape-flavored stuff and was thoroughly disillusioned, expecting more of a grape Fruity Pebbles or Trix. Sorry, pal.

We did discover this prime piece of thread content, though:

Oh my god I could go for some Moxie.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 05:10

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 14:43

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

Oh my god I could go for some Moxie.

I'm halfway through a twelve-pack right now

# ? Mar 31, 2022 05:26

a cyborg mug: Mar 8, 2010

Paladinus posted:

But more importantly, how do you nut grapes?

Very painfully

# ? Mar 31, 2022 07:34

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

Hirayuki posted:

I was driving my 15-year-old home from school and chatting about our upcoming trip to Cape Cod. He's spent almost no time in New England and I was telling him about some regional favorites like Moxie and Grape-Nut ice cream.

Well, I wound up having to have The Talk about Grape-Nuts. No, they don't taste like grapes. Or nuts. As a breakfast cereal, you kind of need to use a lot of milk to soften 'em up or they can be unpleasantly crunchy, and for God's sake don't put too many in your bowl or you'll be stuck eating the things for far too long. He likes grape and artificially grape-flavored stuff and was thoroughly disillusioned, expecting more of a grape Fruity Pebbles or Trix. Sorry, pal.

We did discover this prime piece of thread content, though:

Still not entirely sure what grape nuts are but I'm very confident I'd wolf that down without a second thought

# ? Mar 31, 2022 08:51

Dareon: Apr 6, 2009; by vyelkin

Does someone have the original small pastry posts? It came up in discussion and I just realized I mostly acquired it through osmosis.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 09:02

spaceblancmange: Apr 19, 2018; #essereFerrari

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3770505&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=29#post459943640

# ? Mar 31, 2022 10:30

stringless: Dec 28, 2005; keyboard ⌨️ cowboy

It's amazing that they still post (not here) and also still have that avatar lmao

# ? Mar 31, 2022 12:34

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

Oh my god I could go for some Moxie.

Moxie is good while you're drinking it but has a weird and strong aftertaste

# ? Mar 31, 2022 12:55

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

FFT posted:

It's amazing that they still post (not here) and also still have that avatar lmao

Forums power move is never acknowledge any meme you had a hand in creating

# ? Mar 31, 2022 13:30

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Brawnfire posted:

I'm halfway through a twelve-pack right now

My grocery store used to stock it but ONLY in 2-liter bottles, which is too much Moxie to drink before it goes flat. Naturally no one bought it and now they don�t stock it at all

# ? Mar 31, 2022 14:21

more falafel please: Feb 26, 2005; forums poster

The Bloop posted:

Moxie is good while you're drinking it but has a weird and strong aftertaste

I've had exactly one Moxie in my life, but about 2/3 of the way through it I realized it tasted like jagermeister.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 14:42

bawk: Mar 31, 2013

spaceblancmange posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3770505&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=29#post459943640

There's a touch of madness seeing the original posts on a phone because the picture they're quoting is obviously shrimp in American Chinese food, but it's all beige. If they never eat shrimp or American Chinese food, it starts to get a little less ridiculous of a situation. But then at that point, the orbs of yog sototh appear and start asking me about small pastries while the walls close in

# ? Mar 31, 2022 15:10

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

My grocery store used to stock it but ONLY in 2-liter bottles, which is too much Moxie to drink before it goes flat. Naturally no one bought it and now they don’t stock it at all

I've only ever had it in cans, which seems to work really well for my sporadic consumption. I'd really like to try a fountain Moxie though, if that's even a thing.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 15:23

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Brawnfire posted:

I've only ever had it in cans, which seems to work really well for my sporadic consumption. I'd really like to try a fountain Moxie though, if that's even a thing.

I�m sure there�s some backwater diner in the middle of nowhere Maine that�s been serving Moxie on tap for eighty years.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 15:27

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Somehow I never tried Moxie even in the times I've traveled through the northeast US. It's something I just don't even have the slightest concept of what it would taste like.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 15:43

Hirayuki: Mar 28, 2010

Kyte posted:

Can I see the whole recipe?

https://www.postconsumerbrands.com/recipes/grape-nuts-hot-chorizo/

Here are all of the official Grape-Nuts recipes, many of which (the sweet/not-too-savory ones, mostly) look pretty decent: https://www.postconsumerbrands.com/recipes/?sr&rb=grape-nuts

# ? Mar 31, 2022 15:44

KennyMan666: May 27, 2010; The Saga

Was posted in a Swedish Discord I'm in yesterday:

A dish that some restaurant calls "Pasta Carbonara" on the menu and lists it as containing ham, shrimp, and brown gravy:

The other listings are Pasta Bolognese with mincemeat (by which I mean actual minced meat), cheese, and salad; Br�sarps (a place name) Pasta with beef tenderloin, brown gravy, and cheese; and Chicken Pasta (which, in Swedish, should not have a space between the words) with chicken, curry sauce, and cheese.

KennyMan666 has a new favorite as of 23:48 on Mar 31, 2022

# ? Mar 31, 2022 15:44

LifeSunDeath: Jan 4, 2007; still gay rights and smoke weed every day

Captain Hygiene posted:

Somehow I never tried Moxie even in the times I've traveled through the northeast US. It's something I just don't even have the slightest concept of what it would taste like.

Imagine getting punched in the balls by Houdini.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 15:45

bawk: Mar 31, 2013

KennyMan666 posted:

Was posted in a Swedish Discord I'm in yesterday:

A dish that some restaurant calls "Pasta Carbonara" on the menu and lists it as containing ham, shrimp, and brown gravy:

The other listings are Pasta Bolognese with mincemeat, cheese, and salad; Brösarps (a place name) Pasta with beef tenderloin, brown gravy, and cheese; and Chicken Pasta (which, in Swedish, should not have a space between the words) with chicken, curry sause, and cheese.

Growing up dirt-poor having regular meals of brown gravy packet, ground beef, and egg noodles... I might need to consider moving :thunk:

# ? Mar 31, 2022 16:13

AARD VARKMAN: May 17, 1993

Kyckling is a good word for chicken

# ? Mar 31, 2022 16:16

Kenning: Jan 11, 2009; I really want to post goatse. Instead I only have these🍄.

Captain Hygiene posted:

Somehow I never tried Moxie even in the times I've traveled through the northeast US. It's something I just don't even have the slightest concept of what it would taste like.

It tastes like Angostura bitters, because it's flavored with gentian root. It's a mild and pleasant flavor, just somewhat outside the common American soda palate.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 16:29

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

I wish anyone near me sold Chinotto or Sanbitter

# ? Mar 31, 2022 16:40

evobatman: Jul 30, 2006; it means nothing, but says everything!; Pillbug

I want to see one of those alignment charts for carbonara.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 16:53

Dysgenesis: Jul 12, 2012; HAVE AT THEE!

spaceblancmange posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3770505&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=29#post459943640

I never knew the origin of small pastry. Consider me culturally enriched.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 17:09

TV Zombie: Sep 6, 2011; Burying all the trauma from past nights
Burying my anger in the past

If I had to see it, so do you.

Canned Roast Beef.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 18:10

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

TV Zombie posted:

If I had to see it, so do you.

Canned Roast Beef.

Do folks fight over the little fat blob like with the bacon chunk in baked beans?

# ? Mar 31, 2022 18:12

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Ahem, the queen bean

# ? Mar 31, 2022 18:26

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Just had the nitro Pepsi. It�s ok, kinda reminds me of the texture of a root beer float once the ice cream has melted a little. With less bubbles it�s basically just a faster sugar delivery system :shrug:

# ? Mar 31, 2022 18:45

Kyte: Nov 19, 2013; Never quacked for this

Hirayuki posted:

https://www.postconsumerbrands.com/recipes/grape-nuts-hot-chorizo/

Here are all of the official Grape-Nuts recipes, many of which (the sweet/not-too-savory ones, mostly) look pretty decent: https://www.postconsumerbrands.com/recipes/?sr&rb=grape-nuts

Wait so it's just microwaved grape nuts with toppings??? wtf

# ? Mar 31, 2022 19:31

Dareon: Apr 6, 2009; by vyelkin

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

Just had the nitro Pepsi. It�s ok, kinda reminds me of the texture of a root beer float once the ice cream has melted a little. With less bubbles it�s basically just a faster sugar delivery system

Similarly, just had Coke Starlight. It tastes like I stopped eating cotton candy to take a swig of coke. :geno:

# ? Mar 31, 2022 19:40

LifeSunDeath: Jan 4, 2007; still gay rights and smoke weed every day

soda facts: dr. pepper cream soda is hella good.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 21:32

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Captain Hygiene posted:

Do folks fight over the little fat blob like with the bacon chunk in baked beans?

People fight over that? We always threw it out.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 21:47

bawk: Mar 31, 2013

The best soda is either Diet Pepsi M A X or Fresca, there is no in-between

# ? Mar 31, 2022 21:49

Empty Sandwich: Apr 22, 2008; goatse mugs

Brawnfire posted:

I wish anyone near me sold Chinotto or Sanbitter

chinotto you piece of fruit

# ? Mar 31, 2022 22:07

DreadUnknown: Nov 4, 2020; Bird is the word.

KennyMan666 posted:

Was posted in a Swedish Discord I'm in yesterday:

A dish that some restaurant calls "Pasta Carbonara" on the menu and lists it as containing ham, shrimp, and brown gravy:

The other listings are Pasta Bolognese with mincemeat, cheese, and salad; Brösarps (a place name) Pasta with beef tenderloin, brown gravy, and cheese; and Chicken Pasta (which, in Swedish, should not have a space between the words) with chicken, curry sauce, and cheese.

Some old Italian chef just got incredibly pissed off and has no idea why.

# ? Mar 31, 2022 22:38